Chapter 2: Waking Up

It was the voices that brought me back to the world.

There were two people speaking, a woman and a man. The woman was speaking in hushed tones, her voice calm and collected, yet slightly stern, like she was trying to soothe the other speaker by being firm with them. The man spoke with a growl-like purr, his voice throaty and harsh. His voice made him seem both worried and impatient, like he wanted answers, but wouldn't wait around to get them. He made it clear that he wouldn't be staying any longer than he needed to.

I pressed my eyelids together, hoping to keep the outside world at bay for just a moment longer. I longed to go back into the thick, sleepy darkness that was unconsciousness. I missed the soothing quiet, the calm nothingness. I missed the place where nothing existed, where there was no pain, no murder investigations, and where I could still believe that my father was alive. I just didn't want to deal with reality anymore, now that I had nobody left to endure it with.

The image of my father, bleeding, bent, and broken, came back to me in flashes of discolored images behind my eyelids, like snapshots from an old fashioned film. The images were grainy and out of focus, like my mind wouldn't let me remember them clearly, because my subconscious knew how much it hurt me to be reminded of his fate.

A part of me wanted to kill myself, to escape this mental torment, and to go visit my father in his new home. A part of me wanted to forgive the man, Alucard, for what he'd done. As much as I wanted to deny it, and blame him outright for killing my only family, the more rational and sensible part of me was telling me to let my feelings of anger go. I knew my father would've wanted me to do the latter. However, despite all of that, I couldn't help but feel the unmistakable pang of anger than scratched and clawed at the back of my mind, practically begging me to pour all of the blame on the Hellsing representative.

The voices of the two speakers rose in pitch, followed by the joltingly loud slam of a door. I realized that I could fight the inevitable no longer. It was time for me to wake up, and stop running from the past, just like my father would want me to.

Warily, I forced my heavy eyelids apart.

I was greeted by blinding, white, fluorescent lights embedded in the ceiling above me. I blinked, attempting to allow my eyes to adjust. As my I became familiar with the glowing whiteness, I groggily rolled my head to the left.

Doing so was a poor choice. My head was thick and felt like it had been stuffed with cotton. Every movement felt like it was happening in slow motion, all delayed by invisible cords and wires, binding me into a single, unmoving pose that hurt to fight against.

Looking around the room, I realized that I was in a hospital, but that was to be expected since I'd passed out. I couldn't help but think of myself as weak for doing so. Against my will, I felt a few stray tears make their way down my cheeks, causing anger and embarrassment to flare within me. I was stronger than this, and crying about something I had no control over after it had happened caused me to resent myself significantly. I felt ashamed, and all around useless. My father had been injured and the only thing I was able to do was panic and faint. Now, when my father would want me to be my strongest and move on with my life, I'd only been able to get hurt and cry about it.

Nice going, Seras.

Internally scolding myself, I took bearings of my hospital room.

Everything was a brilliant white, from the walls to the curtains, to the bed sheets tucked neatly around my small body.

There were various devices attached to me by electrodes and needles, like an IV, and what appeared to be a heart rate monitor. The methodic beeping of the devices was almost numbing enough to pull me back into a much desired slumber, but I knew that though I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to slip back into my mind's void.

The faint smell of linen, body odor, and flowers lingered in the air, with the light, yet sharp, scents of cleaning products and rubbing alcohol lacing the room.

The only thing that seemed remotely out place was the blood-red patch of fabric that was seated in a chair to my right.

It was Alucard, that man from the government.

He sat, hunched over, his head in his hands, like a defeated boy. His hat and golden glasses rested on the small table beside my hospital bed, right next to a small vase of flowers. He was still clad in a black suit and his startlingly red coat. His hair was disheveled and shaggy, covering his face and fingers. Though he appeared to be broken and very saddened looking, there was something about the way his body was held, the way his fingers were clenched, that made me feel as though he was…

Annoyed?

I furrowed my brow in confusion.

How could he possibly be annoyed? He killed my father! Though I do blame him extensively, I do realize that he hadn't done it intentionally, but that didn't give him any reason to be annoyed. Even if it wasn't intentional, he'd killed a man that didn't need to be killed. That must have taken a toll on him in some way, right? He was human, so he must have felt something for doing what he'd done. I couldn't be the only one internally tormented by what had happened.

I realized that I couldn't just lie down and stare at the man beside me indefinitely. Seeing as my neck was beginning to cramp from the uncomfortable position, I made an attempt to sit up.

Aligning my head with my body once again, I slowly used my arms to push myself up. The movement was erratic, but slow, like I was moving through molasses. The sudden change in elevation sent a wave of dizziness and mild throbbing through my head. Without meaning to, I groaned and placed a shaky hand on my head.

My sudden outburst seemed to have shocked Alucard out of his daze. The man wrenched his head out of his hands, and stared at me. His face appeared placid and calm, like he'd expected me to do what I just did. His eyes, however, were wild. They were filled with anger, impatience, and what appeared to be a hunger for something unknown. Maybe he just really wanted to get out of this hospital. Maybe it was something else, but as for what actually created that strange look in his eye, I didn't know.

After holding eye contact with him for far too long for it to be considered accidental, I asked, "Why are you here?"

I'm such an idiot, I thought, Jesus, I am so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I scolded myself.

I knew full well why he was here, yet I had to make it seem like I didn't want him to be here with my stupid questions (not that I did want him to be here). There were so many other things I could've asked, like the identity of the woman who'd been in the room earlier, or how long I'd been out for. Ashamed, I looked away from him. I heard him make a tch sound in response.

"It's not like I had a choice," he said, pulling the chair he was sitting on closer to my bedside. I could feel his eyes, red and unwavering, boring into the back of my head, studying me, analyzing me. "I brought you in, so I was expected to stay."

I turned my head back to him. He was so much closer than he was before. I could clearly see the lines of tiredness marking his otherwise handsome face (not that I was noticing anything like that about him). His eyes no longer appeared wild, but they were far from calm.

"What happened to my father?" I asked, breaking eye contact with him. My voice cracked inadvertently when I asked that. It must have been the thought of my father being given improper treatment for his death. The thought of my father's untreated body, lying crusted over in stale blood and dirt, in the morgue at the station, just broke my heart. I couldn't allow myself to believe that my team would be so heartless to their beloved chief. I told myself that my team had not mistreated my dad, and that he was receiving a burial fit for a man like him. In my heart, I knew I was right. My team was more than dependable. I had no reason to worry.

Instead of turning away from Alucard altogether, I turned my attention to his hands. His rough-looking, weathered hands were clasped together on the edge of my bed, the fingers tightly wound with each other. His face may have said he was doing all right, but his hands said that he was incredibly high strung.

"He was taken by your team," was all he said, his tone considerably lighter than it was before. I felt no less confused about the state of my father, but the unexpected shift in his voice startled me, and I raised my eyes back to his.

The emotion was gone. Alucard's eyes that were filled with so many different feelings only moments before appeared completely drained of humanity. His eyes were hollow, deadened, like he'd internally collapsed from the weight of something pushing him down. In the few moments that had passed between us, this man had broken. I wondered if it was the guilt of killing my father, but if that had been the case, I had a feeling that this man would have said something about it.

No, it was something else that had gotten to him. But what was it?

"What-" I started, wanting to ask and find out the reason for myself, but Alucard didn't allow me to speak. Instead, as if he knew where I was trying to direct this conversation, he changed the subject.

"How old are you?" he asked, moving his hands from off my bed to in his lap. He leaned back in his chair, a mixture of different emotions washing over his face.

Caught off guard by his seemingly random question, I simply answered. "I'm nineteen," I said.

Alucard, who now seemed outright annoyed and blatantly unhappy with being in the same room as me, put his hands behind his head, lounging into his chair. He seemed so uncaring that it was beginning to irritate me. I could understand his feelings from earlier, the melange of different sentiments in response to his mistake, but the… sudden disregard for everything was confusing and downright frustrating to me. Suddenly, all desire that I previously had to make amends and move on with this man dissipated. I wanted nothing to do with him as much as he wanted nothing to do with me.

As I glanced at the crimson figure seated beside me, a thought surfaced in my mind, one I just had to voice.

"Why?" I said, staring at Alucard.

"Excuse me?" he replied, lifting his head slightly to look at me.

"Why did you have to show up last night?"

"I think you mean three nights ago, kid."

"I was out that long?"

"Yep."

"You didn't answer my question."

He groaned and righted his position. "It's my job. I just did what I was told to."

"Were you told to shoot anyone you wanted to on sight?"

Alucard's expression darkened. I could tell I'd struck a mark with that statement. I felt a small amount of fear trickle into my veins, but something inside of me told me that he wouldn't even consider hurting me, for any reason. That feeling kept me strong enough to stare the larger man down.

"Listen, police girl," he said, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin in his palms, "it was a fucking accident. Okay? Did you get that? I thought you police rats would've been-"

He'd gone too far.

"Who are you calling a rat?" I exclaimed, my voice rising in volume. "If it weren't for you being there, my dad might still be alive!"

"I wouldn't have been there if you pieces of police shit could just mind your own fucking business!"

"We were only doing our jobs!" I said. For some reason, my voice sounded like I was pleading with him.

"And I," he said, "was only doing mine." His voice had dropped from an enraged shout to a low growl. He paused for a few moments.

"I'm sorry about your dad," said Alucard. His voice was thick with repressed anger, and what sounded like guilt. "My boss said I needed to give you this."

With that, Alucard tossed a small paper square onto my bed, stood up, and left the room with the sound of the door being shut echoing in his wake.

I sat, slightly dumbfounded and slightly shocked for a few moments after he left. I felt partially hollow inside, like this dispute had caused something inside of me to stir, something I didn't like. It left me feeling nauseated and unnerved. I felt horrible, foul, but I couldn't discern why. The unmistakable sense of guilt made itself present, and I let it take over my body, filling my every pore, as I took stock of the memento Alucard had left me with.

It was a business card. On it was Alucard's name, phone number, and an address, for his office building, I assumed.

I clenched my fist around the card, feeling its sharp edges bite into my skin.

This wasn't going to be the last time I saw that man, I just knew it. But the next time I saw him, I would fix this… this mess between us, once and for all.

Alucard

Damn it all, he thought as he stormed out of the room. He didn't need this right now. What he did need was a glass of red wine, aged seven years; his favorite.

After sitting in that goddamn room for two days, she wakes up and does what?

She complains. He couldn't believe the audacity of that stupid, little child.

Yeah, he'd fucked up pretty badly, but he'd saved her life, and the lives of the other members of her police force. Hadn't she ever heard of taking one for the team?

Sure, he hadn't gotten off easy making such a stupid mistake as missing his target (Integra had told him off enough about that earlier in the kid's room), but she could've at least taken into account the fact that he'd carried her all the way from the crime scene to the hospital.

And that look she'd given him, after she asked about her father's whereabouts. The way she'd said it, the look on her face… That had been too much for him.

Who did she think she was? She's a kid, a little child playing a game made for grown-ups. She should've known the moment that she'd joined her force that people were going to get hurt. She should've known that things don't always turn out as expected. But, she didn't know, and it was her problem to face, not his.

She said she was nineteen, right? Well she's more than old enough to take care of herself, he told himself.

She's practically an adult, he thought, if only she'd start acting like it.

Note: Once again, thank you to everyone who's even batted an eye at this story. It means the world to me. I am incredibly surprised with the positive feedback I've been receiving. I took longer to update this story due to my need to over-edit things, not to mention the end of the year flood of school work I've been deluged with. Thank you for your patience, and thank you for reading.

-Shan