Author's Note:-
My sincere apologies for the horrifically long update gap. Without being too specific, I suffered a major lack of motivation to write this series for a while and had a very small author's breakdown (if that's a thing?), the result of which being that I actually switched fandoms for a short time... The Undertale fandom, if anyone's interested. I've been doing Undertale fics and art, feel free to check them out here and on my DA.
Anyway... while I was away I did think about this fic a lot, and after writing a few King Piccolo oneshots and getting a little more involved in the DBZ fandom again, I decided now was the time to return. I just... couldn't find the motivation to return sooner, and I'm sorry for making you wait. I'm guessing a lot of my fans have moved on by now, and I don't blame them, but for those of you who are reading this right now, thank you so much for standing by me. I do appreciate your loyalty to this series, and it is for you that I'm continuing with it. I don't want to leave this unfinished, that wouldn't be fair to the people who like reading it, and so I hope it will all be worth the update gap in the end. Thank you for sticking with this guys, it truly means a lot.
Okay, so... that's me. Moving on, about this chapter. It's quite light, nothing too serious... I'm basically getting back into writing the characters again so this chapter is kind of a humorous filler, but I have written the next 'real' chapter which I will upload in the next couple of days, I just need to format it. Still though... Writing this chapter was very fun, so I hope it's fun to read :D Please leave your feedback. Also, for Frieza and Frikiza's native language... yes, it is Al Bhed XD Full marks to the Final Fantasy fans who recognised it! I was hugely into FF in my teens and so when I decided to insert an alien language into this I decided that Al Bhed would be a good way to go. I am not at all suggesting that icejins are Al Bhed, this isn't a crossover, I just didn't want to use an existing Earth language, but I wanted their words to be translatable for anyone who wants to know what they're saying (It's rude lol).
Finally! For those of you who are hardcore fans of this series, or of the Namekian race in general, I now have a tumblr just for them! It's demoniclovedbz, and it will contain all of the DL fanfics and one-shots, some of which aren't on this site, as well as text posts, art and asks. I am also hosting non-DL Namekian fics and art, and I'm pretty much reblogging any and all Namekian fics/art/other posts found on tumblr, so if you like any Namekian characters it's definitely the place to go and the blog to follow! I've also got a links page, so if you want to do a link trade or if you just want me to promote your page, drop me a message.
Okay, that's all from me! As always enjoy this chapter, leave your feedback, and the next one will be up soon. Thanks for standing by me guys, you're really cool n_-
"Mama! Mama!" The demon princess Viola giggled, reaching towards Frieza as she sat opposite him at the dinner table.
"I'm not your mother!" Frieza barked. "I don't even look like her!"
The mutant namekians Piano, Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum all looked at Frieza, who was in his final form, and their expressions turned sceptical.
"Uh… actually, you kind of do." Cymbal said. "I mean, her final form…"
"He looks nothing like her!" King Piccolo barked.
"Well, he's a little taller maybe…" Tambourine mumbled.
"He doesn't have boobs." Drum shrugged. "Or a huge butt."
Clink! Piccolo Junior slammed his fork into his plate, his face turning violet in embarrassment.
"Can we not talk about that stuff?" He growled.
"Well, excuse me for not having two lots of baby fat." Frieza hissed, insulted. He glared at Drum. "For your information, I have the best male ass you'll ever see –"
"Shut up!" Piccolo Junior barked. "I don't want to hear it!"
"Geez Junior, what's your problem?" Tambourine frowned. "You seem kind of cranky."
"Oh, I do?" Piccolo Junior snarled. "Well maybe that's because I'm still in shock from finding out I have a six month old sister! Or maybe it's the fact that I'm sitting here having dinner with Frieza, the guy that's killed me and my friends multiple times – and to top it off, we're now talking about - - filth!"
"Ha! You're such a prude." Tambourine sniggered.
"Well… I agree with Junior there." Piano admitted, and shot his brothers a disapproving glance. "It isn't an appropriate dinner conversation – especially not around a baby."
"Frieza started it." Cymbal pouted.
"Well… whatever. Anyway, I'm staying here tonight." Piccolo Junior stated.
"Why?" King Piccolo asked icily, suddenly seeming to be in a foul mood.
"Because I don't want Frieza around Viola." Piccolo Junior said flatly. "Or anyone, for that matter. I want to be here so I can keep an eye on him."
"Oh, what are you going to do?" Frieza sniped. "You've never managed to defeat me once."
"Well…" Piccolo Junior smirked back. "That was before you got reduced to a baby's power level."
"Why you little –"
"Frieza!" Frikiza barked, silencing her counterpart.
She let out a sigh, and looked at Piccolo Junior. "Well… of course you're welcome here anytime, Junior. We have a room for you… But don't feel you have to stay if you don't want to. We can handle Frieza."
"It's fine." Piccolo Junior shrugged. "I don't mind."
"Great! You can take Viola tonight!" Tambourine beamed.
"What?" Piccolo Junior blinked. "Oh, uh…" Crap. He didn't want to babysit her… He just wanted to make sure Frieza didn't do anything dangerous…
"What's the problem?" King Piccolo grunted. "You know how to take care of babies, don't you? You've been taking care of Goku's baby."
"She's not Goku's." Piccolo Junior growled. "… Tch. Fine." He looked away. "Whatever. Sure, I'll watch your demon lizard."
"Great!" Tambourine grinned. "Oh – just make sure you don't let her see the full moon. She'll summon up all the inhabitants of Hell."
"What?" Piccolo Junior cried, his eyes widening. He soon frowned though, at the sound of his brothers laughing at him.
"Ha! Junior, you're such a loser!" They cackled.
"… Jackasses." Piccolo Junior growled.
He clenched his fists in annoyance, attempting to ignore their laughter. What was wrong with them? Why were they so easily amused? They were animals. "Anyway…" Junior began, changing the subject. "On a serious note, I'd appreciate it if none of you told anyone that we're harbouring Frieza. I shouldn't have to tell you that he's not all that popular here."
"Oh what, are you scared you might get kicked out of Goku's friend-zone?" King Piccolo sniped.
"Just shut up!" Junior barked. "What would you have to gain from it anyway? I still don't know why he's even alive."
"Me neither." King Piccolo answered. He raised his hand to Frieza, to form a fatal attack that was quickly diminished by his wife.
"No!" Frikiza barked, smacking her tail across King Piccolo's hand, which caused him to grunt in annoyance.
"What a shame." Frieza smirked, shooting a mocking glance at King Piccolo. "I always did find it so pathetic how you allow a woman to dictate your every move."
"Shut up!" King Piccolo snarled, standing up. "She doesn't dictate anything, you weak piece of shit –"
"Piccolo sit down!" Frikiza yelled.
She glared up at King Piccolo, who glared back, and the two of them entered into a fierce staring contest. King Piccolo viciously bore his razor sharp teeth at her, threatening to rip open her flesh with his sharp, predatory fangs… Frikiza hardened her gaze, practically cutting him with her deep, blood-coloured eyes that held the power to destroy his very being… … King Piccolo flinched, and sat back down, and at the same time that Frikiza looked away with a small blush on her cheeks.
Frieza looked between the two of them, frowning in confusion while the mutants cowered around the table. What the hell…? That was an intense moment. Why had they both backed down, in such an awkward way…? … … Oh.
"Oh my God." Frieza groaned. "You two have just started doing it again, haven't you?"
"Okay!" Piccolo Junior cried, his face violet as he jumped to his feet. "I'm done eating – I'll be outside!" He turned and stormed out of the room, with a twisted mix of rage and embarrassment on his face.
He couldn't believe this. Seriously, he couldn't. As he made his way down the corridors of the King Piccolo Mansion, Piccolo Junior tried his best to wake up from what had to be a dream. How was this happening? Why was this happening? How had he found himself living with Frieza, and a mini Frieza, and – a new sister? That was the most messed up part! He wished he could go back to this morning. This morning was so peaceful and uneventful… Now he was in the middle of a freak show! Piccolo Junior sighed, and leaned against the wall. He didn't even know where to go in this place. It was literally a mansion – even bigger than Gohan's house. Piccolo Junior didn't know his way around… He never came here. He had a vague idea of which way his room was, but even with that he wasn't totally sure… Wow. Was that… bad? This was his father's house… Maybe he shouldn't be such a stranger here. … Tch. Whatever! It wasn't like his father had ever been around his entire life – and since he'd come back he'd been nothing but trouble. At the very least, it was tiring. … Humph. Anyway. Piccolo Junior didn't have time to dwell on that. These guys might think Frieza was harmless, but they didn't know him like Junior did. Even Frikiza didn't know him all that well, did she? She probably thought he could change, the same way she had… But he couldn't. Piccolo Junior knew that. Frieza couldn't change; he was evil through and through, and he would betray Frikiza and put this entire family in danger the first chance he got. Piccolo Junior had to stop him… He'd have to kill him; it was the only way he could guarantee everyone's safety. He'd have to do it tonight, when everybody else was sleeping. It was kind of sneaky, but it was the only way Junior could get near Frieza without Frikiza being there to get in the way. She'd be mad… but it was for her own good – hers and Viola's. One day, Frikiza would understand that. Piccolo Junior exhaled, and made his way towards what he thought was his bedroom.
XXXXX
"Oh my God…" Frieza's closed eyelids fluttered, his lips parting as a soft blush formed upon his warm cheeks.
"You like it…?" Frikiza's voice came from beside him.
"Yes." Frieza purred, his entire body relaxing in ecstasy. This was bliss…
"It's been a while, huh?" Frikiza giggled.
"Too long…" Frieza smiled a little, and allowed his body to fall underwater, fully submerging himself in the mansion's communal hot tub. Frikiza giggled again, watching him sink down beneath the water's surface.
"Remember to come up for air." She teased, and lay back in the water. "There's one in your room as well."
Frieza didn't respond, although he could hear her. He didn't have the energy to respond; this was so relaxing… He'd forgotten how incredible hot tubs could be. This was far better than living in that cocoon, with those faeries… or… angels. Whatever those things were… They never shut up. Parades every day, singing, dancing… Anyway. That was some place far away now. Frieza cleared his mind of it. He couldn't think about anything bad now; it was becoming more difficult by the second… This was too wonderful –
"Papa!"
"Dammit!" Frieza thought to himself angrily, his mood suddenly fouled by the shrill voice of his child somewhere above the water.
"Papa!"
"Forget it, Kuriza. Let him drown." Piccolo Junior grunted. He was seated on a lounger not far away from the hot tub, refusing to let Frieza out of his sight no matter how much Frikiza insisted he was perfectly harmless now. Humph. He wasn't harmless. Even at his reduced power level, Frieza would still find a way to make a problem of himself, Junior could guarantee it. King Piccolo was training in the gym, while the mutants were in various areas of the mansion and Piano had Viola. It was just Piccolo Junior and the two icejins here… or, three icejins now. That little brat had just walked in. Piccolo Junior didn't like him. He didn't seem as evil as his father; he didn't seem to want to harm anyone except Frieza… but still, Junior didn't trust him. He was still deciding whether or not Kuriza was a big enough risk to kill.
"Papa!" Kuriza yelled, crouching down over the hot tub. "How long are you going to be in there?"
Frieza didn't respond verbally, but his tail immediately popped out from under the water and smacked Kuriza across the head. "Ow!" Kuriza yelled. "Papa, come out! Now!"
"Kuri, calm down." Frikiza sighed. "Why don't you come in as well? It's good."
"No!" Kuriza barked. "I hate hot tubs! We're icejins, not heatjins! It's stupid!"
"You're stupid." Frieza sniped back, finally coming up for air. He glared at Kuriza. "What do you want?"
"I've decided I'm willing to talk to you." Kuriza huffed. "To see if we can fix our relationship."
"Oh." Frikiza smiled, her face lighting up. "Kuriza, that's wonderful! I'm sure if you talked you to could –"
"I'm not interested." Frieza said flatly, and yawned. "Now make yourself useful, go and get me some wine."
"Tch." Piccolo Junior snorted. "Unbelievable. Your only son wants to work things out and all you want to do is get drunk."
"I don't see you rushing to patch things up with your father." Frieza sniped. "Or are you too busy making yourself a part of Goku's family?"
"Shut up." Piccolo Junior snarled.
"Fine then!" Kuriza yelled at the top of his lungs. He held his hands to Frieza, forming a ki attack. "Don't say I didn't give you a chance –"
Splash! Frieza threw a wave of scorching hot water over Kuriza's hands, which destroyed Kuriza's ki ball and left the younger icejin with a small burn on his hands. "Hey!" Kuriza cried, his eyes glistening. "You - - I can't believe you did that!"
"Of course you can." Frieza smirked. "You just need to try."
"I hate you!" Kuriza screamed. "I wish you were dead! Me and Mama were better off without you!"
"Then go home without me." Frieza hissed. "Go on. Go and live with her in my palace, you little brat."
"Screw you!" Kuriza yelled, and stormed out of the room.
"Frieza…" Frikiza sighed. "You're going to have to work it out with him sooner or later. I mean, he's still your –"
"Don't you start." Frieza snarled. "I'll fix things with him when you fix things with your mother."
"Don't bring that up." Frikiza hissed.
"Well then. Keep out of my affairs, and I'll keep out of yours." Frieza replied, and dove back underwater. Frikiza let out a frustrated sigh, and closed her eyes.
"Junior… there's some wine in the bar behind you. Can you get it, please?" She asked, referring to what was literally a bar in the palace. This place was like a holiday resort…
"Fine." Piccolo Junior snorted, rising to his feet.
"Two glasses!" Frieza's voice came from the hot tub, causing Junior to clench his fists in anger. Who the hell did that slimy lizard think he was talking to? His death would be slow and painful…
Junior grabbed the first bottle of wine he found, and made his way over to the icejins.
"Here." He grunted, not looking at them as he held out the bottle. He couldn't believe this… So he was Frieza's waiter now? Why was he even doing this? He didn't have to listen to Frikiza – she wasn't his mother! She didn't raise him, or give birth to him, she just resurrected his father! And to be honest, Junior could have done without that.
"Thank you, Honey." Frikiza smiled fondly at Junior, taking the bottle. Piccolo Junior simply grunted, and made his way back over to the lounger.
"Whatever." He growled. He didn't like that either. She spoke to him like she was his mother – she wasn't! Was that her way of being nice? She didn't have to be nice – Piccolo Junior liked her just fine before she started making the effort with him. Why couldn't she just act normal?
He sat back down, trying to drown out the sound of Frieza's voice… Didn't that guy ever shut up? And he said Vegeta went on and on – well he was far worse!
"Wait – this is non-alcoholic wine!" Frieza's whiny voice cut through Piccolo Junior's ears like a dog whistle. Why was he always complaining!
"Well of course it is… I'm breast-feeding." Frikiza replied.
"Wha – so your guests have to suffer because of it?" Frieza cried. "Don't be so selfish! Just give her formula like a normal mother!"
"Frieza, just shut up and drink it!" Junior yelled. "You're already getting it for free, beggars can't be choosers!"
"I can always choose." Frieza hissed back.
"Not now you can't." Piccolo Junior growled.
"Junior!" Oh, great… That was just what Junior needed to lighten his mood. His father. What did he want now…?
"What is it?" Piccolo Junior replied to the loud voice that had invaded his mind.
"I can't find your mother, do you know where she is?"
"Well, you're my mother." Piccolo Junior answered stubbornly. "But Frikiza is here in your pool room."
"What?" King Piccolo growled. "Why are you alone with her in the pool room?"
"I'm not." Junior seethed, his patience rapidly running out. "I'm here with her and Frieza – they're in the hot tub."
"What!" King Piccolo screamed. "But – what is she wearing?"
"Nothing, they're both naked." Junior replied. "They're in their final –"
Boom! Before Junior could think another word King Piccolo came bursting through the wall, his ki soaring so high he was practically on fire.
"What the hell is going on here!" He screamed at an unholy volume, so loudly and so ferociously it would terrify Junior if he wasn't so sure he could still take King Piccolo down. At the very least though, it made his ears pop. Junior flinched and clasped his hands onto his ears, glaring at his father.
"Shut up!" He yelled. "Why are you so loud!"
King Piccolo ignored Junior. He couldn't care less about Junior's ears – he was not about to stand back and watch while this creepy shameless lizard went skinny dipping with his wife!
"Get away from her." King Piccolo snarled at Frieza, who was floating on his back and quite clearly not about to move anytime soon.
"Pickle – what's the problem –"
"Are you seriously asking me that!" King Piccolo snarled. "You're naked with the guy that fucks everything!"
"Wait – what?" Frieza frowned, turning to face King Piccolo. "What do you mean by that?"
"You have a husband and a wife and boyfriend – what else are people supposed to think?" King Piccolo spat.
"Wha…" Frieza choked, dumbstruck. "Is… is that really what people in Hell think of me? That I'm some cheap whore? I always thought I came across as more of a playboy…"
"No – you're a whore and a rapist and you're not making my wife your next target!" King Piccolo yelled. "Now get out!"
"Piccolo – we're just bathing!" Frikiza protested. "And we're in our final forms – nothing's on display!"
"You still have boobs!" King Piccolo wailed. "Don't think he hasn't thought about grabbing them – he's just waiting for the right moment!"
"Okay…" Piccolo Junior sighed, his face twisting in embarrassment. "I'm like a second away from ripping off my ears, just so you know…"
"So do it!" King Piccolo screamed, and sent a ki attack flying at Junior, which Junior absorbed with injury. Wow. Had King Piccolo grown stronger…?
"Hm." Frieza mused, studying King Piccolo. "You know… I never realised you were the jealous type. I'm normally so good at reading people…"
"Jealous? Of you?" King Piccolo snorted. "Why would I be? You're nothing – your current power level is less than that of a baby, and you're short and scrawny and you look like a girl. What possible reason would I have to be jealous?"
"Hm." Frieza huffed, somewhat insulted by his remarks. "Well… if that's what you really think of me, then the fact that you're jealous truly is pathetic." He looked up at King Piccolo, and smirked. "Rest assured, nothing is going to happen between me and her – if it was then it already would have. I can be very persuasive."
"What?" Frikiza frowned, glaring at him. "Frieza –"
"And for your information, if I wanted to 'grab' her, I would just do it – why would I, of all people, ever wait for something?" Frieza argued. "She's a woman, not a bus."
"Unbelievable…" Frikiza hissed. "What if I don't want to do it with Frieza? Have either of you even considered that as an option?"
"And on top of that, 'Pickle'," Frieza sniped, quite blatantly ignoring Frikiza as if she were nothing more than white noise. "As different as she is, Frikiza is still me, and as much as I love myself, I actually prefer my male form – because for your information, I happen to be one of the hottest icejin men alive. We aren't all giant brutes with nothing to them but muscle – icejin men actually have brains as well as power, a concept which I'm sure you aren't familiar with." He let out a short sigh. "And finally… I wouldn't be into Frikiza anyway, even if she wasn't me. Icejin women don't do it for me."
King Piccolo paused for a moment, comprehending everything Frieza has just said. He went from not believing Frieza, to being insulted, to… disbelief again. What? Not into icejin women? Yeah, right! That was a blatant lie!
"Don't give me that crap." King Piccolo spat. "You have an icejin wife."
"Yes, they make perfect wives. They're quiet and submissive and they do everything you say." Frieza replied. "Which is also why they're boring lovers. Do you know why I only have one child? Because Glacia puts me to sleep so much I can't stand going near her. So, if I was going to steal anyone's wife then believe me, your icejin woman would not be it."
"But you wouldn't be against stealing someone's wife?" Piccolo Junior frowned. "Unbelievable." He looked away in disgust, and a small part of him had a sudden urge to make sure Chichi did not leave her house until Frieza was gone.
"… Tch." King Piccolo snorted, seeming to calm down a little. He was starting to believe that Frieza really wasn't interested… but still… "Next time, wear a bra." King Piccolo ordered, glaring sternly at Frikiza. "Nobody should see those except me, is that clear?"
"Yes, Sire." Frikiza teased, blushing slightly.
King Piccolo flinched, and turned away before she could see the expression on his face. Why was she doing that now? She knew how he… The little bitch! Why did she always have to torment him? Humph. Quiet and submissive? What kind of icejin women was Frieza thinking of? Frikiza certainly didn't fit that description. Well… maybe the submissive part. In very certain circumstances… … Crap! King Piccolo immediately blocked out the thoughts that were entering his mind, trying his best not to react to them. This was not the time or place to be thinking of that! He made his way over to the mini bar, with the aim of drinking himself calm.
"Ra'c y meddma pucco, ech'd ra?" Frieza remarked in his native language, watching King Piccolo walk away. "Yht buccacceja. E teth'd drehg oui't pa ehdu dryd."
"Ed tabahtc." Frikiza replied with a small smirk. "Ev ra lyh pylg ed ib, nekrd…?"
"Naymmo?" Frieza sniggered, blushing slightly. "Ra lyh?"
"Ra'c jano ykknacceja yc famm…" Frikiza giggled. "Ed ymfyoc rindc!"
"Ugyo, cdub!" Frieza protested, smirking. "Oui'na nasehtehk sa uv so fattehk hekrd!" He dove underwater, just as Frikiza started laughing.
Piccolo Junior frowned as he watched the icejins. What were they saying? Actually, he didn't want to know. Judging by their expressions, it was probably something disgusting. Ugh… How could she talk to him like that? She knew what he was! Did she really think there was something good in there? Sure, she could get along with him, but didn't she understand that wasn't enough? He would betray her in a second, no matter how close they were! It was kind of sad that Frikiza didn't realise that… but Junior wasn't about to let her learn things the hard way. He still planned to get rid of Frieza tonight – and he was even more keen to, now that they were talking filth about what Junior could only imagine was King Piccolo. Gross…
King Piccolo wasn't listening to Frikiza and Frieza. He was vaguely aware that they were talking, in that stupid lizard language he'd never bothered to learn, despite Frikiza's nagging and pestering him to 'embrace her culture' … Tch. Whatever. She didn't even embrace it herself! If she really gave a crap about her own race she wouldn't have left them. Anyway, it was a stupid language. The words were too long and there were too many of them for the same meaning – what were icejins, people or poems? Hm. King Piccolo frowned as he rummaged around the mini bar, searching for any kind of alcohol. Where the hell was it all? All that was here was non-alcoholic wine and juice! And… milkshake? That was Drum's. The fat moron. He didn't need that. King Piccolo took the milkshake out of the fridge and removed the cap. He didn't like this flavour; he wasn't going to drink it… He just poured it down the sink. Haha! That would upset Drum, he always looked forward to his milkshake. Ha!
Well, that made King Piccolo feel a little better… but still. He was far from satisfied.
"Frikiza! Why are there no drinks here?" He demanded impatiently.
"Probably because you never tell the staff when you use it up." Frikiza answered. "I told you they only buy stuff when we run out."
"Well why don't they check!" King Piccolo barked. "They're all morons! I'm going to kill them all and replace them with people with brain cells!"
"Good luck finding someone with a brain who's willing to work for you…" Frikiza mumbled.
"I heard that!" King Piccolo snapped.
"You were meant to!" Frikiza yelled back.
"Shut up!"
King Piccolo let out an angry sigh. Okay… Somebody would have to go to the store, but if he left it up to those useless human slaves it would take at least half an hour. "Tambourine." King Piccolo spoke to his son. "Go get some drinks – and don't take any longer than three minutes!"
"What kind of drinks?"
"The liquid kind!" King Piccolo roared, immediately losing his patience. What was wrong with that kid! Did he hatch too soon?
Over in the hot tub, the icejins had returned to speaking in the common language.
"Oh… while I remember, do you have any armour wax?" Frieza asked, running his hand along the purple plate on his arm. "I'm looking a little dull…"
"Yeah, I have car wax. You can have a bottle." Frikiza replied. Frieza simply looked at her, stunned.
"Car wax?" He repeated.
"Yeah." Frikiza looked at him innocently. "What's wrong?"
"If you don't want to share, then just say so." Frieza hissed. "Don't make up such crap – it's childish."
"Wha – I'm being serious!" Frikiza protested. "Why would you get armour wax on Earth? Humans don't have armour! The closest thing I can find is car wax – it works just as well, I swear!"
"I'm sure it does." Frieza replied sceptically.
"Frieza, I'm serious!" Frikiza cried.
Over at the mini bar, King Piccolo had finally finished giving his shopping list to Tambourine, and he started to pay attention to the conversations around him. The icejins were talking normal language again… what were they rambling on about now? And what were they still doing in that hot tub together? Hadn't Frieza seen enough! "Listen," Frikiza said to her counterpart. "Come with me to my room and I'll show it to you."
"Okay!" King Piccolo roared, his ki suddenly skyrocketing. He bolted towards the hot tub and violently grabbed Frieza by the tail. "Out!" King Piccolo yelled, his entire body almost exploding with anger as he swung the startled icejin as far away from Frikiza as he could, hurling him through the wall.