Nikki craned her head into the sewer pipe, the shadow of her body eclipsing the bright sun from outside. "Anything?" she shouted. Her only reply was the gurgle of sewage runoff and the sloshing of Celeste's boots through the muck. Then,

"Yes, another sample. It appears they did enter this way. Will you bring a collection dish?"

"On it!" Nikki pulled her head from the waste pipe and wobbled along the rocky outcropping for their knapsacks. Not exactly a picnic on the beach, she grunted, surveying the industrial side of Turtle Bay. She squinted down the shore to the far-off touristy side of the beach. How incredibly human, she smiled, thinking about Kyu, the cops and the sheeple of Glenberry pouring over the beat-up space wreckage. So obsessed with big, shiny distractions that they miss the important details!

Like a trail of paw prints in the sand, or half-eaten jellyfish puked up along the surf. Nikki and Celeste had followed the signs of animal activity to the city's factory district and the chewed-up grating on this runoff pipe. The garduk must have smelled something edible and bolted into the sewers; one had even injured itself scraping past the sharp edges of the grate, leaving behind a green slime that Nikki was intimately familiar with.

Celeste waded into view with more of the gunk collected in her glove. Nikki passed a petri dish from the alien's supplies and Celeste scraped off the sample. "These tunnels run beneath your entire settlement?"

"Yeah, they're for dumping waste. Are we gonna … y'know, search inside there?" The stench was foul enough out here, and while she'd crept through plenty of JRPG sewers and catacombs she didn't know how she'd fare wading into the nauseous underbelly of a real city.

Thankfully, Celeste shook her head. "At half a cycle's head start they could be anywhere." She had a plan, though. Hopping across the rocks like a sure-footed mountain goat, the hunter rifled through Nikki's knapsack for a device like a silver hummingbird. The robot unfolded a tiny replica of Cogni's camera head and hovered into Celeste's face.

"Remote unit online, Ki-Celeste," the AI's voice chirped through a speaker.

Celeste held the sample dish up to the metallic bird. "Cogni, map out the settlement's waste network, scanning for this bio-substance."

The remote's lens dropped in a pout. "All of it?"

"Until you find the source or nesting ground. Now go."

The little bird shook its camera head but puttered dutifully to the grate. Bang! "Oops." Like an actual bird, it had some trouble detecting glass and thin metal bars but after two or three smacks, Cogni squeezed through. Nikki watched it disappear into the darkness, listening for the flutter of metal wings, the rush of water and the occasional dull bang! "Oops." Bang! "Oops."

"Is she gonna be okay on her own?"

"No, but the remote will keep her occupied. I've found it unwise to leave her idle aboard the ship."

"Ah."

"If the creatures are nesting below the surface, Cogni will locate them. We should concentrate our efforts on hunting any garduk that venture above ground. Have you found any new information?"

Nikki tapped at her phone but came up empty. "Nothing yet. No animal attacks on the mainstream news sites, and nothing's trending on social media." #UglyDog, #DogAttack, #MonsterSighting. She had alerts out for every hashtag variation that might describe the canine creatures.

"Your Twee-tar system is fascinating," Celeste remarked. "Each member of your tribe plays the role of watchman and informs the collective of dangers and developments. I admire how you work together in service of your herd."

Nikki suppressed a snort. "I think most members of our 'herd' use Twitter to service themselves." She made a mental note to never show Celeste her search history. #PandaYiff, #FlutterDashClopFics, #ZeldaxSamusRule34. Good times…

The clouds overhead broke to admit the sun and Celeste flinched at the yellow orb, ducking her head until she could retrieve a dark eye visor. "Your star is young and bright," she commented, and Nikki wondered if her species was nocturnal. Maybe she wasn't dimming the lights on her ship. Maybe a dark room is broad daylight for her.

"We can take a break," Nikki suggested. They seemed to have hit a lull in their search, and Celeste needed to catch her breath. Though winters in coastal Glenberry were mild, just short walks in the afternoon sun sent the alien into an all-out sweat. Nocturnal, cold climate; talk about culture shock! So they sat on the rocks, sipping water and staring at the endless expanse of blue.

"The water. How far does it extend?"

"You mean the ocean? To the other side of the planet. We named this place Earth after the land but technically we're seventy percent water."

Celeste shook her head. "I feel dizzy simply looking upon it. It's incredible."

"Not really," Nikki scowled. "Humans have really screwed up the water supply. There's like these huge islands made up of garbage floating in the middle of the Pacific, not to mention that we've killed half the food chains by overfishing and wrecked our coral reefs with oil spills."

Her pessimism didn't seem to daunt Celeste. "On my world, water must be harvested from underground springs or melted from ice. Your people are truly blessed to have water in such abundance."

Celeste seemed to be in a good mood. Maybe this is my chance. "Your home planet. What's it called?"

There was a long hesitation. "Tendricide," Celeste finally answered. "It is a small world in a system of four, the farthest from our star."

"So that makes you, what, a tendraling? A tendrian?"

"Other races refer to us as Tendricites in the same way that hyu-muns would be known as Earthlings." She smirked and looked off at the horizon. "We call ourselves Norai. In our tongue it means Enlightened Ones," and she added a mocking snort.

"Tendricide. I wish I could see it."

The hint did not go unnoticed and beneath her visor, Celeste's eyes flickered in debate. Very carefully, she produced the fruit-sized orb Nikki had caught her staring at so longingly. Celeste's fingers traced an activation pattern over the projector. "Tendricide," she whispered to the circuitry and hologram vistas flew into the air.

Nikki engraved every image into her memory. Sharp, spiralling mountain ranges like rows of spikes; rocky islands jutting from permanently-frozen lakes; alien stars twinkling over fields of snow. Everywhere, snow and ice.

"Why's water such a big deal for you?" Nikki frowned. "Can't you just, like, melt huge chunks of polar ice with orbital mirrors or store it in heated reservoirs?"

Again, Celeste hesitated. "Long ago, I believe we did, but my people are no longer as advanced. Tendricide was once much like your Earth – ignorant of and ignored by the galaxy beyond. When other species made first contact with our world, the travellers were not explorers or diplomats. They were poachers."

The holograms advanced to the site of an ancient battle, gunships and metal shards lodged in the ice. "We were no match for the invaders' technology and my people were harvested. As slaves, as test subjects; as a protein source."

Nikki cursed herself for opening old wounds. "I'm so sorry."

The alien shrugged. "It happened generations ago. By the time I was born, the Confederacy had learned of Tendricide and had driven away the criminals and smugglers. We were declared an Idyl world, and all off-planet contact became restricted. We were saved, but the damage had been done.

"Our numbers had dwindled and we no longer possessed the experts or means to construct new technology. There were barely enough people to inhabit our cities. We regressed into smaller villages and tribes."

Nikki thought to all her wasteland apocalypse games and the fictional scenarios of humans living in the ruins of civilization. The fall into anarchy, makeshift camps made of scrap metal and salvaged technology; waging war against any outsiders who threatened your food or resources. Is that the world she grew up in?

Now Celeste looked to the skyscrapers of downtown Glenberry. "As children, the two of us used to sneak out of our village and explore the ruins of the ancient cities, playing make-believe and guessing at what the great towers had been used for." She spread her arms as though to embrace the city. "I used to imagine what the citadels looked like in their prime, filled with Norai and flying vehicles. Your world, Nicole, is like the city I saw in my dreams."

Dunno if I'd give Podunk Glenberry that much credit. "You said 'the two of us'."

For a moment, Celeste stiffened but then she turned with a wistful smile. "Yes. A dear friend. One I have not seen for many years."

"Did something happen to her?"

"I do not know. I left my planet years ago." Celeste seemed content to end the story at that, but Nikki's begging eyes prodded her on. "After we reassembled ourselves from a life as cattle, my people became obsessed with fertility and birth. Our elders insisted we regrow our population and regain our glory. We'd preserved much of our genetic technologies and used them to engineer 'ideal' younglings."

Celeste exhaled. "I was … defective. There was no place for me among my people. So I found a way off-planet and made a new life for myself."

Nikki frowned as she looked over the Valkyrie - powerful, resourceful and beautiful like no one she'd ever known. If you're messed up, I'd like to see what they think is ideal! She was about to blurt that out but the bitterness on Celeste's face shut her up. She knew that look, and she remembered how eye-rollingly ridiculous her parents sounded whenever they'd tried to cheer up their precious 'Sweet bean' with an 'it's not so bad' pep talk.

"I used to think I was defective," she muttered. "I was never thin or pretty like the other girls. I didn't play any of their crappy sports or dress in their dumbass clothes. I didn't –" she swallowed, "I don't like the people everyone says I should."

Then Nikki stood up and spat at the city. "But you know what? Screw them all! They're the ones who aren't worth it, following their stupid ideals like lemmings running off a cliff. I say it's better to do your own thing! And if I'm all alone and everyone thinks I'm weird and defective, at least that way I know who really cares about me."

Celeste didn't offer a reply but Nikki noticed one small change. She smiled, and that was good as gold.

Traffic was light thanks to the panic and preoccupation at the beach. The shopping district with its fashion boutiques was so empty that the pair settled for walking their vespa down the street. The slower pace gave Celeste the opportunity to crane her neck at all the sights and Nikki the time to introduce her visitor to vital Earth lore.

"I must say, for all the praise your people bestow on this Boba Fett, he seems remarkably incompetent. This hunter was knocked into a sand worm's gullet by a blind man?"

"Yeah, but he totally got out in the Expanded Universe. Trust me, he's seriously badass."

"Bad … ass?"

Right, another non-literal expression. "It means 'really impressive', but in a dangerous way. Head-shot three enemies with a single bullet? That's totally badass!"

"I see." Celeste tried mimicking the thumbs-up gesture Nikki had given along with the expression. "I will endeavor to remember that, Nicole."

"You can call me Nikki, by the way. All my friends do."

Celeste tried, but a horrible stutter came out when she got to the last syllable. "Nikkeeeeee." She coughed and tapped at her collar. "Pardon me. My translator appears to be malfunctioning."

"That's okay." She'd never cared for her full name or how her classmates always clipped it short - How's it goin', Nic-hoe? Coming from Celeste, it sounded nice. Like her name was too special to cut down.

"Then is that individual your friend?" Celeste inquired, and this time Nikki heard the shout of her name, along with the panicked clack of sneakers down the sidewalk. "NIKKI!"

Glomp! Nikki braced herself against the girl's flying tackle-hug. Any other day, getting a random embrace from a beautiful stranger would have been a fantasy, but this was real life and this girl was no stranger. Though she had traded her usual school uniform for skinny jeans and a checkered blue top, there was no mistaking the bounding blonde twin-tails and the concerned blue eyes of Tiffany Maye.

"Oh my gosh, I was so worried about you, Nikki. I've been texting you for days; didn't you get any of my calls?"

"Calls?" That's right, after the café disaster she'd been flooded with emoji-laced texts from the university cheerleader. She'd ignored them all. "I guess I was busy," Nikki lied. Tiffany seemed to have babbled on anyway.

"And then there was that huge crash last night and I was so panicked – like, what if it was a bomb or something – and I know how much you like aliens and UFOs so I was scared you might do something like sneak off to the beach and get yourself hurt!"

"Tiffany, I'm fine. Look, can we talk later?" Too well she knew that Tiffany was a paired item. Ketchup and mustard. Plusle and Minun. She had to leave before this became Tiffany Maye and -

"God-fucking-dammit, Tiff, slow the fuck down!"

Shit. A wild Bitch Queen appears!

Celeste's eyes widened in shock at the walking, talking boutique mannequin and her rattling collection of shopping bags. Where every other human had dressed for winter in sensible pants and sweaters, Audrey Belrose suffered for her fashion: a purple and black dress with a line of ribbons up the front, a ruffled bustle over the mini-skirt and long, kimono-like sleeves trailing down her arms. The diva with platinum-blonde hair skid-stopped at their group, coughing up a smoker's lung at the simple exertion.

"What the fuck, Tiff? Why'd you go running off like –" and then the crimson eyes under her purple bangs caught a whiff of blue. Audrey stopped dead.

"Oh. It's you." She emphasized the 'you' like it was a condensed form of all the nasty, creepy-crawlies of the world.

Nikki pushed free of Tiffany's embrace. "I'm leaving."

"Figures," Audrey huffed. "You get Tiff all worked up and now you ditch your friends to go play your shitty video games."

Friends? "No, I'm just going to spend time with people who don't treat me like a pile of crap." The diva quirked a confused eyeball. Did she have to spell it out?

"Oh." Audrey hit her eureka moment. "Ohhh, right. The café." Then came a strange transformation: Audrey cast her eyes to her feet, she fidgeted and played with her hair braid. "About that …" Wait, was Audrey Belrose actually working up the courage to apologize? Her brash voice was barely a whisper; Nikki had to step closer to hear.

But when she approached, Audrey flinched and hardened. "What, don't tell me you've been lying in bed all emo about that?"

That? How did you wrap all those vulgarities into a tidy little 'that'? "You called me a two-faced, lying little -"

"Cut the drama, Nik. Yeah, maybe I said some dumb shit. Whoop-dee-fuckin'-doo. If I started sobbing and cutting myself every time some bitch called me a cunt I'd be writing crappy poetry with those Goth brats at the food court. Look, if you can't take a little ribbing from a friend then this town's gonna eat you alive, and not in the way you're hoping for. So can we chill?"

She glanced to Tiffany for approval but got only an angry glare. "What? I'm talking with her like you said. What more do you want? And is anyone going to say something about Tits Mcgee and her shitty newsboy hat? Um, we're having a private conversation, jackass, so take the sweater pups and kindly fuck off!"

Now all eyes were on Celeste, tapping at her earpieces and trying to decipher Audrey's foreign tongue. "Sweater … what?" Nikki jumped in for damage control.

"Um, guys, this is my … cousin! My cousin, Celeste! Celeste is visiting from the continent of Australia, and I'm showing her around because she's never been to America! Celeste, this is my friend Tiffany. The bitch over there is Audrey."

"Well fuck you too!"

"Your cousin?" Tiffany repeated. "I thought … Well, never mind. Um, g'day, Celeste."

"Greetings."

"You sure picked an exciting time to visit. Did Nikki tell you about the Fireworks Festival at the end of the week? We were just out dress shopping for the big night!" Tiffany jingled her bags as proof. "Hey, have you two had lunch yet?"

Sitting down for a meal with Audrey? "Sorry, but we need to be -"

"Actually, Nicole, I do feel famished. Since we have no current leads, would it not be prudent to take a meal?"

I'd rather eat needles than eat with Audrey, but when the Norai's stomach started growling in protest, Nikki reluctantly backed down. Tiffany gave a little cheer. "Great! Celeste, we'll fill you in on all the local hot spots and you can tell us all about Australia. I've always wanted to go and see the cute baby kangaroos. Oh, and Audrey will treat us all!"

"What? Do I look like I'm made of money?" But she backed off when Tiffany gave her a sharp scowl. "Oh fine. Put it on my card."

Nikki let the two blondes go ahead and secure a table. "Okay, Celeste, when we go inside let me do the talk-"

"Nicole, I have traveled to numerous star systems and experienced many varied cultures and customs. I believe I can successfully blend in among your human comrades."

Another horrible, really bad feeling was sulking in Nikki's gut but she followed Celeste inside. They all took their seats at a window table and Celeste played her part admirably. She spread her napkin over her lap like a human would. She examined her cutlery and polished off the spots like a human would. She even made a show of opening the menu and pretending to understand their writing system. "Oh, how delightful!" Her eyes perked at the vase of flowers decorating the table and she brought a yellow daisy to her nose to enjoy the fragrance. "Ah…"

Then she popped it in her mouth. Chomp. "Mmm," Celeste hummed, nibbling up the green stem like an asparagus stalk. Tiffany was busy checking the menu but Audrey's eyes were wide and weirded out. Before her mouth could drop the waitress interrupted to take their drinks.

"Do you serve liquid water between a pH of 6.8 and 7.2?"

Sweat rolled off the pimply girl's forehead. "Uhh… it comes with a lemon wedge?"

"Water's fine," Nikki clarified, cringing as Celeste snapped up another daisy. "Um, she'll have the salad."

Celeste rattled the flowerless vase like an empty drink glass. "And more appetizers, please!" Now Tiffany joined in the wide-eyed starring, but at least she was diplomatic enough to change the subject.

"Soo… Celeste, tell us about Australia!" The Norai froze in mid-bite, flower petals dangling from her lip.

"Australia? Yes, my home continent, of course. Australia … Nicole, what was it I told you about Australia?"

"It's hot."

"Yes! Yes, the temperature is quite disagreeable, oftentimes venturing above the melting point of ice!"

Both girls looked to Nikki. "Um … My cousin is from the West Coast," she whispered, twirling her finger over her ear in the universal gesture for 'loose screw'.

"Oh." Tiffany nodded in understanding and spoke a little slower. "So, um, Celeste I was reading about these forest fires in the Brisbane area. Are you still going through a bad drought?"

"Indeed, we have been without snowfall for some time."

"Yeah, no snow in Australia," Audrey snorted. "What a surprise."

Nikki forced a chuckle. "Good ol' Westies, eh? What'll they say next?"

"Well," Tiffany continued, "I hope this year's rainy season improves."

"Ray… nee?" Celeste blinked stupidly and consulted to her tour guide. Nikki whispered into her ear. The table rattled from the impact of Celeste's knee. "Liquid water? And it falls from the sky?"

Nikki turned to her friends for sympathy. "She's a Bogan." By some strange mercy, the waitress arrived with their food, putting the conversation on hold. Tiffany was too polite to say anything but Audrey, with every chew of her burger, kept a critical eye on Nikki's cousin.

"So, Celeste. That's a pretty sweet bike you got for Nikki."

"Indeed? I have yet to sample its flavor. Oh, and Nicole is the one who purchased the vehicle for our use."

Tiffany's fork clattered. "Wait, you're saying Nikki bought you that bike?"

"Yes, Nicole has been most helpful! Besides the vehicle, she also provided my clothing and makeup."

Tiffany blinked. "Really…"

"And you're how old?" Audrey butted in.

Celeste did the math. "In your years … thirty-two?"

Tiffany and Audrey exchanged glances. "Would you excuse us for a second?" The university girls stood in unison and marched to the far side of the restaurant to chatter and argue amongst themselves. Now what're they up to? When they returned, Audrey had her arms folded up in a scowl and Tiffany had the fakest-looking smile plastered on her face. "Nikki, I need to go to the bathroom. Will you come with me?"

"But I don't have to -"

"Oops. I spilled your drink." Audrey didn't even pretend to knock over the water glass; she just poured it in Nikki's lap. "Tiff, get the kid cleaned up. I'll keep the cousin company, m'kay?"

"Great idea, Audrey!" Tiffany swooped in to link arms and suddenly Nikki was whisked away to the restaurant washroom, where the blonde cheerleader smiled and dabbed at her wet sweater while elevator music crooned from loudspeakers.

"Your … cousin seems nice, Nikki. A little confused … but nice."

"Yeah, um, she's still got jet lag or something. Did I mention she's a Bogan?"

"Are you feeling okay, Nikki? I mean, about what happened … the other night." My confession. "Because I really am excited for you, honest!"

"Tiffany," As much as she wanted to drop this conversation, she had to know. "Did your mom tell you I was gay?"

The cheerleader looked horrified. "What? No! No, that was your secret! She'd never … well, I mean, when she drinks everything comes out like she's a sieve, but she'd never blab about an important secret-" Seeing her friend's weary gaze, Tiffany stopped herself and started over.

"It was after I heard about your bad date with Anton. You guys were just so perfect for each other so I figured … well, yeah. I didn't want to say anything until you did. Are you mad?"

"You stuck with Audrey over me. What do you think?"

"She doesn't hate you," Tiffany explained. "She's just been through a rough patch and it's a lot for her to take in."

Oh, just because she's had a bad day I have to put up with her bullshit? "Why are we even hanging out with her?" Nikki thought back to high school and the gang of girls who'd always trotted at Audrey's heels like trained puppies. "Maybe we're starving for friends but Audrey knows everyone in town! We walk away, she'll just promote two more of her groupies to café nights and homework duty."

Her proposal sounded perfectly reasonable but Tiffany met her with a steely-eyed rejection. "I understand if you don't want to see her anymore, but I don't give up on any of my friends."

"Well it feels like you've given up on me."

"Nikki, even if she can't say it, Audrey cares about you. That's the whole reason why we're here." The blonde put her hands on the gamer's shoulders and looked the girl square in the eyes. "Nikki, you don't have to lie about Celeste being your cousin. We know what she is."

Now it was Nikki's turn to freeze. Her throat swelled with the shame of being caught in a lie. God, I was stupid to think I could hide an alien! "What gave it away?" The makeup. Had to be Audrey's eye and the lousy makeup.

"It doesn't take a great detective to see you've been through a rough time, Nikki. You tried to tell us something important and we weren't there for you. You were probably excited to find someone who'd listen to you. Someone who'd make you feel special."

Tiffany had her there. Being the local contact for an alien bounty hunter was pretty sweet. "But don't you think she's so neat? I mean, I wanna know more about her and where she comes from." I want to see her smile, she added privately.

"She's dangerous," Tiffany snapped. "The best thing you can do is report her to the police. She hasn't hurt you, has she?"

"No! I mean, well, she tried to punch me. But that was because I startled her while she was waking up. Y'see, she was lying on this table and I was taking videos of her and-"

"NIKKI!" Tiffany's face was ash white.

Oh. "That sounded bad, didn't it?" Her mind rewound for an instant replay. Yep, that sounded bad.

"Nikki Ann-Marie, are you listening to yourself? You need to get away from this woman before you get arrested or hurt! I'm going to ask you: do you know what Celeste is?"

"She's a hunter."

Tiffany nodded. "And she's out prowling for lost, lonely girls just like you so she can suck you dry."

"Wait, what're we talking about here?"

Suddenly, Tiffany was clasping her hands and looking deep into her soul.

"Nikki, Celeste is a gold digger and you're her sugar momma."

Nikki blinked, she swallowed and then her laughter howled through the porcelain tiles of the washroom.

"You thought I was … that we were -?" Her cheeks beamed crimson. "I mean, I don't even know if she's into girls!" Never mind interspecies girls! For all she knew Norai had a third sex, or were colony-based and only the Queen could breed. Hell, maybe they were hermaphrodites! Tiffany was beginning look angry so she quickly wiped her eyes and set the record straight.

"Tiffany, Celeste seriously is from out of the country. She's here on a job and I'm helping her get around. That's it!"

"The way you say it, I almost believe you. But she's gone now."

"What?"

"Audrey's been having a chat with Celeste while we were away. By now she should've convinced that awful woman that hanging around you is going to be extremely bad for her health."

Wait, Audrey's out there intimidating an intergalactic bounty hunter? Nikki clapped her hands and beamed. "She's gonna get her ass kicked! I gotta see this!" Nikki dashed off, wondering what non-lethal comeuppance Celeste would dish out. Black eyes? Broken nose? Maybe she'll knock out a tooth! Oh let it be a front one!

Neither she nor Tiffany were prepared for the shrill howling coming from the table.

It was laughter.

"And then, just as they were preparing to launch missiles, I activated the detonators and the compound exploded! Phoosh!" Celeste spread her arms with theatrical flourish. "Naturally, I was a safe distance away … in their own hovercraft!"

Audrey shrieked and slapped her knees. "Oh fuck, you got them good!"

"Audrey!"

The diva glanced up, chill and casual while her friend stood white-knuckled with fury. "Oh, hey Tiff. Change of plans – we're keeping her. Fuck, Nik, this chick you picked up is totally hard-core! Why didn't you tell us she was this outback bounty hunter?"

Nikki stormed straight to the alien. "Did you seriously tell her -?"

Celeste winked. "Only my profession. I needed to clarify our relationship. Your friend seemed to think I was part of a cannibalistic race known as Coo-Garrs, and that I desired to devour you."

Nikki fought back a blush and thanked the heavens for that oh-too-literal translation collar.

"Wait, Celeste, you're a bounty hunter?" Tiffany turned to Nikki. "That's like that character from that space game you like. Samus I-Am?"

"Samus Aran!" Nikki corrected. Jeez, get your facts straight, Mom!

"Yeah," Audrey chimed. "She's chasing this poacher guy who's selling these black market marsupials or whatever. Isn't that kick-ass, Tiff?"

The blonde pinched the bridge of her nose, probably wondering how she'd become the defacto adult of this group. "I'm beginning to understand the attraction here."

"… and after I broke his remaining digits, Xerbo decided it was best to come quietly. So you could say that the leader of the Sang-Xi syndicate found himself … disarmed."

"Fuck yeah!" Audrey hooted, drawing stares from across the diner. "But shit, you Aussies name your stuff all weird."

Nikki scowled and picked at her melted ice cream. They'd been at the diner for a whole hour listening to Celeste's hunting exploits (carefully edited to exclude all extra-terrestrial references, of course). Tiffany was alarmed by the stories of crime bosses and high-speed pursuits but Audrey sat on the edge of her seat, cheering and clapping like she had front row seats to a rock concert. And every time the alien blushed and smiled at the diva's praise, Nikki bit her lip a little harder.

"Hey," Audrey chimed, "You know all this kung-fu self-defence, right? Can you teach me to fuck up a guy's shit?"

"Combat techniques targeted against the male sex?" Celeste hummed and made a quick consultation. "Nicole, do the males of your species carry their reproductive cells in a pouch beneath their frontal abdomen?"

"Um… yeah. We um, call them balls."

Celeste nodded and returned to Audrey. "Kick them in the balls!"

"Pff! I knew that already. What about some secret nerve pinch or pressure points? I mean, what if he's pinned you on the ground and you need to throw him off? What if he grabs you from behind and you're rammed up against a wall and he's so close you can't breathe and –"

Again, Audrey's eyes retreated to that glazed, mile-long stare. Celeste quirked her head as Tiffany took the diva's hand and rubbed her shoulder.

"Just a what-if scenario," Audrey coughed.

Then Nikki's phone buzzed and she perked at the Twitter update. "Celeste, we've got a hit." The hunter switched to battle mode, nodding grimly and rising for the door.

"Ooh, hang on!" Audrey scribbled her number on a napkin. "Call me after you catch this motherfucker. We should totally get high together!"

Celeste gazed at the napkin like it was a bar of gold. "Many thanks, friend Audrey. Conversing with you has taught me much about your Ear- I mean, American phrases. You are a very naughty donkey." Then she pointed her digit upward to show her approval.

Nikki glowered and yanked her out the door.

Tiffany frowned. "Did she just call you a donkey?"

Audrey laughed like a groupie at a rock show. "Fuck, yeah! And she flipped me the bird too! That bitch is one badass motherfucker! Man, I'd hate to be the guy she's coming after!"

Rondarr cursed and dug his talons into the metal floor, bracing as the cockpit shook once more. Foul wind! He'd landed his cloaked ship on the top floor of a half-constructed tower, assuming he'd have some piece of mind in an unoccupied building. He hadn't counted on the metal girders swaying so violently whenever the winds picked up. Did these primitives even know how to build properly? He checked the cameras for evidence of falling debris and zoomed in on the placards posted around the lot.

CAUTION: DEMOLITION IN PROGESS.

Well, whatever the notices said, he'd picked a fortunate spot indeed. While examining the lower floors of the structure, a lone mammal had entered the premise, humming ridiculous songs to itself while setting up equipment from its satchel. Rondarr preferred the thrill of drawn-out hunts, but the speed with which he'd pounced on the creature amused him to no end. An adult specimen, but they lift as easily as hatchlings!

Sadly, it proved to be a male and as a rule those always sold poorer on the market. Too aggressive and testy. If he wanted to impress buyers with this new species, he'd need a female.

Still, his first capture had proven useful in its own way. Rondarr activated his translation collar and practiced reciting the timid male's language.

"Oh god, don't kill me! Please don't kill me!"

Rondarr shook his head. Too rough, too guttural. He needed to sound more like the locals if he intended to walk among them. Adjusting the settings for tone and pitch, Rondarr recited another phrase.

"She was right! It really was an alien! You were right, Nikkeeeeee."

Rondarr flinched. The circuitry didn't seem to care for the hard 'k' consonant, but now his voice projected just like the young male. On to the final step. Checking that the motion sensors clipped around his body were secure, Rondarr initiated his holo-cloak. The air shimmered as a three-dimensional projection of the male materialized over his body, limbs and muscles moving in time with his own.

Stomping over to the cryo tube, Rondarr rubbed the frost from the glass to make sure he'd properly copied the male's likeness. Dark skin, rope-like hair and an odd, plastic medallion hung around the neck. Rondarr smiled and brought the mammal's stolen communication device to his ear to practice one last phrase.

"Hey Boss, got to the site a little early. Call me when you can. Anton, signing off!"

Rondarr twisted his new face into a smile and peered at his flash-frozen mirror image, starring back in a hideous scream.

"Let's find ourselves a female, shall we, Anton?"