"I Stare At My Reflection In The Mirror, Why Am I Doing This To Myself? Don't Lose Who You Are, In The Blur Of The Stars, Seeing Is Decieving Dream Is Believing. It's Okay Not To Be Okay, Sometimes It's Hard To Follow Your Heart, Tears Don't Mean Your Losing Everybody's Brusing. Just Be True To Who You Are." - Jessie J; Who You Are

"Jacob, this isn't necessary." He grunted and carried on as if I had said nothing, my father held open the front door for him amusedly as Jacob carried me into my home. One arm supported my back as the other was hooked under my knees, and although I loved the attention he gave me, I wasn't a child.

I was finally allowed to come home, well what I remember of it, which was completely different looking to the one I was being carried into now, this one was smaller, not really for a family. I guess if fit perfectly then since my mother now lived in Seattle instead of La Push, which I had yet to find out on why.

Jacob being the overly paranoid person I had come to know, was adamant in believing I didn't over exert myself, saying that just because I had been let out of the hospital, it didn't mean I was completely better, and still had to wear this ridiculous back brace. Well maybe not so ridiculous, seeing as it helped a whole lot with the pain I felt in my back every minute of the day. Back to my original point, apparently walking from the car and up the porch steps was over exerting my self, I felt smothered by Jacob, and yet I couldn't bring myself to tell him to stop. Damn, I'm indecisive.

"I'm not paralysed you fool!" I snapped, only earning a bark of laughter from both my father and Jacob, both sharing a knowing look and I heard my mother sigh behind us as she closed the door.

Finally putting me down to stand in the hallway, I took in my surroundings, the house looked just as small as it did from the outside, there was a narrow hallway that led to a flight of stairs, and to my left I saw a small kitchen, one that had a door leading out to back yard and a small dining table with four chairs. To my right was a small living room, containing one large couch and another armchair, I had the sneaking suspicion that the large couch may have been used if Jacob had ever slept over, it looked worn out.

I had hoped that coming here and seeing all this would spark some sort of memory off in my head, anything that would at least make it feel familiar, make it feel like a home. In fact I was counting on it, sure of it, just like when I had first met Embry and Quil, I had felt something that helped me think I knew them, and with Jacob it was more than a spark, it felt like magic when I saw him, I instantly knew I wanted to be near him, that I wholly and completely trusted him without even knowing who he was.

My shoulders sagged slightly and the annoyed look I once held for being carried in dropped of my face, I felt nothing, numb in fact. How can someone walk into a home and not feel the least bit safe? I guess being in the hospital for so long didn't set me up for when I would eventually feel like this, even that boring white room made me feel more comfortable than this place did.

Nobody seemed to notice my now depressed mood, and took my silence as indication go about the house doing normal things, my mother darted into the kitchen, looking just as lost as I did with the contents of the house, and I questioned on whether she had actually been here before, making me think that maybe we hadn't been in contact with her for a while. My father took to grabbing my bags full of clothing and carried on upstairs, most likely putting them in my bedroom, to which I had no idea on where it was, allowing another streak of depression to fill my chest.

The deep and soothing voice I heard beside my ear, only made me feel more depressed, which was a change since all it did was usually give me a swarm of butterfly explosions in my stomach. Jacobs warm hand rested on the small of back, very delicately as to not cause me any discomfort, he sounded so happy, so relieved almost that I was here, like he thought things would go back to normal or something, but I didn't understand how anything could go back to normal after everything that had occurred since my accident.

"Come on, I'll show you your room." I didn't respond as I silently followed Jacob up the stairs, my small hand encased in his own one, I didn't even know why he did all this, whatever he and I had, he had it with the old me, not with this girl who I was still trying to figure out, one he didn't even know.

I didn't even know if my dad was still a cop, I hadn't even bothered to ask, because I thought everything was still the same, as I was when I was fourteen. That's how you know I was still in the mindset of a fourteen year old, because I was fucking stupid, and ignorant. I didn't even bother to ask my own mother how she took their divorce, because again in my mind they were still together, regardless of them already telling me. I didn't let myself notice the tense atmosphere between them when they were both in the room, the bitterness in my fathers eyes which he tried very hard to hide, or the uncomfortable fidgeting my mother would do when he looked at her.

I always said how I didn't know who Jacob was, and yet I wasn't looking at the bigger picture, I wasn't looking at who I was, or my parents, I didn't know my home, what I was learning in school, I didn't even realise I had missed my seventeenth birthday while being in a fucking coma. I didn't know anything, and it had taken me almost two months within waking up to realize, and when it hit me, it felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on me.

The panic of whether I would ever remember who I was set in, making my thoughts speed through my head at a hundred miles an hour, I was terrified of everything. I was terrified of never being able to give Jacob what he wanted, I was terrified that I would never been the same daughter for my parents as I once was, and most of all, I was terrified that I would have to start all over again on learning and becoming my own person. Things that every girl done in their early years of teen, and I had the curse of doing it twice.

Was I a bitch? Was I sarcastic? Did I have a lot of friends? Was I liked by people? Was I ever in love? Was I a quite person? Did I still talk to that girl I met in homeroom on my first day at school in my last memory? Was I good at anything in particular? Just who was Silver Kwaiya?

I wanted- no. I needed answers, just so I wouldn't drive myself into insanity, so I could at least have so sort of peace of mind and a small idea on what I once was. I couldn't wait for bits of it to all come back to me; I couldn't sit around and act like normal when I didn't know what normal was. I needed someone to tell me who I was, tell me everything about me without leaving things out and feeling uncomfortable when I asked certain things. I needed to know just what was going through my mind when I randomly got on a bus to Seattle, I needed to know just how bad things were here for me if I felt like I needed to get away from it all, I needed closure.

I stared at the light purple walls in my room blankly, only looking at the window to the left of the double bed for a brief moment before my eyes wandered to the ceilings. I didn't even know who half those bands or actors who were stuck on the walls were, I didn't know who any of the people were in the photo frames on the shelves as I looked through them, I didn't feel any sense of warmth as I sat on the soft bed and tried to force my head into remembering something.

The floor boards creaked under Jacobs footing as he walked around the bed from the doorway to sit beside me, the bed sinking as he did so, and the warmth of his body suffocating me, but at the same time gave me some sort of feelings.

I hadn't realize a tear had rolled down my cheek until I felt Jacobs warm hand wipe it away, his hand lingering there and turning my face to look him in the eye, his eyes said so much more than words ever could. He understood without even asking anything, it felt as if he were synchronized with me, that he felt what I felt and vice versa. His dark brown orbs were so soft and sympathetic and held so much care that I kept asking myself why I deserved him.

"I- I don't know who I am."

He enveloped me in his arms tightly as I let the sobs take over, the tears spilling from my eyes like a fountain for the first time since I woke up, and I took in the sanctuary of Jacob's arms for all it was worth. Not wanting to let it leave me out of the fear that I would truly feel lost, because with him I at least felt like I was apart of something, apart of him, no matter how crazy it sounded.

I never noticed my parents stop to stand at the doorway to cast worried and distraught glances towards me, nor did I feel the shake of Jacob's head as a silent request to leave me be with him. Not that I would have complained, I didn't want to be smothered by a load of people, I just wanted to feel a piece of me come back, and with Jacob I some how felt that way, always.

My head hurt more than ever and my chest felt like it would explode with the raking sobs that passed through them, yet I had never felt so relieved to finally have a release, to be allowed to break down and let everything out. Eventually however the sobs stopped, and the tears had calmed down, leaving me only to whimper softly in Jacob's arms until I eventually stopped, breathing in his soft scent of pinewood and leaves, seeming to relax and refresh me.

He kissed my forehead, wiping away the remaining tears of my face before looking at me, giving me the softest smile that made me heart melt into a pool of liquid, "better?"

I nodded, burying my head back into the crook of his neck, not yet ready to leave the safety of his arms yet, and he complied. Wrapping his arms even more tightly around me, but making sure he was gentle enough to not hurt me, as if he were afraid that I would break so easily under his touch, like a piece of glass. He didn't offer any words of comfort, or words of encouragement that I would remember, that I would eventually know who I am, and I know he didn't because he wasn't sure himself if it would happen. He was just as scared as I was that I would have to start from scratch with my life and him, altering our friendship and what it used to be, changing it forever.

Although there wasn't any words to make me feel comfortable, nothing soothing to come out of his beautiful lips to make me feel assured, I still felt all of those things with him just being there, holding me like I was about to disappear, and I clinged onto him just as much, afraid that the only thing I felt familiar with would leave me. I don't know how long we sat like that, but it must have been a long time, because it soon began to get dark outside, and I was comfortable and warm enough to slowly fall asleep in his arms, praying to god that he would still be there when I woke up.

6 Months Earlier...

A week since I had seen that idiot, a week since we had blown up into an argument and I hadn't had the chance to even take in his scent, his scent that I loved and knew so well. I anxiously sat on the counter of Emily's kitchen, watching her cook obsessively and hum softly as she herself waited for her love to return, I was silently jealous of everything Emily had. Albeit she had scars to remember of a time so bad for her, it didn't take away her intense beauty and still very warm heart, and her complete reciprocated adoration for Sam, not to mention she had something to replace the fear and anxiety she felt every time he disappeared into the woods.

The vampire trouble they assumed was small had escalated into them hunting her down for days, and apparently she was not to be underestimated, I felt a surge of bitterness pass through me as I thought of why Jake was so determined to catch her. Bella. It was always about that fucking idiot, always the fucking damsel in distress, if she didn't have her perfect looking vampires running around for her it was Jake, and she didn't even have the right to make him do that.

The harsher part of me wished that she would have just disappeared that day she supposedly jumped off the cliff, saved everyone a whole lot of trouble, and pain. I couldn't stand her, I couldn't stand the innocent and selfless personality she had, and I couldn't stand it even more at the fact that Jake couldn't even see that she completely put it on. I could feel how smug she was about Jake every time she came here, acting as if she were family, giving me that same look every time Jake stood near her protectively and would give me a warning glance.

I was sick of it, sick of being put second, I was here first. I was the best friend that had been attached to him since we were fourteen, I was the one he imprinted on after he changed, so it was supposed to be easy, it was supposed to feel great like it was for Jared and Kim who had never had to face a bumpy rock in their entire love filled bubble.

These thoughts right here, are exactly what caused Jake and I to not be on speaking terms, my outburst about Bella had caused a reaction I had never expect to see from him, he looked at me with his eyes full of hatred, something that I was terrified of, causing him to scream to the top of his lungs about me not knowing anything about Bella, that he loved her no matter what happened, and as his friend I'm supposed to be happy for him.

I tried, I honestly did, but it hurt so much to see him with her, and he knew it did. I knew that boy better than anyone else on this planet, but I just couldn't understand why he said nothing, why he acted as if our imprint only meant friends. He could have done worse, he could have imprinted on someone who he had never met before, who could know nothing about him. Instead he got me, and still acted as if it were the worst possible scenario he could ever have for an imprint, he couldn't hate it that much.

I couldn't bring myself to ever be mad at him though, all I had to do was look at him and my resolve would completely break down, and right now all I wanted was to hold him and tell him how sorry I was. The anxiety I felt every time I watched run into those woods would kill me, it would eat me up every single day I spent here at Emily's, and it was just as worse when I would have to go through a day without him at school, Kim and I sitting silently at the lunch table thinking in our own worlds. There were nights were I couldn't even sleep, just hoping that I would eventually hear that tap on the window, letting me know he was here and safe and ready to hold me while I slept, sometimes that did happen, other times I would wait for what felt like forever.

I was praying that today would be the day, that today I wouldn't have to go home again alone, ready to come back tomorrow to wait some more and to smell Emily's freshly baked muffins that I knew were just going to waste. Speaking of that, I took in the smell of another set of muffins that had just come out of the oven, Emily putting it on the table with her cute oven gloves, smiling happily as she looked at her new masterpiece, and my mouth began to water hungrily at the sight.

As if on cue my stomach rumbled loudly, and Claire came bounding into the kitchen happily holding her colouring book in one small hand, pushing herself up into one of the chairs waiting for her own. Kim followed after her, a soft small smile on her pink lips, looking to me for a brief moment, she looked extremely tired, not that I blamed her, she probably got even less sleep than I did. The dark circles under her brown eyes were proof of that, and her usually tanned skin was a bit pale, I never understood why people called Kim plain looking, I had always found her beautiful myself, yes it may not be the beautiful that people so obviously saw now days in women, but she has such a uniqueness about her, just like Emily.

I hopped off the counter myself as I went to sit in between Kim and Claire, quietly thanking Emily, I winced at my own voice, it sounded so hollow and robotic, like it was a routine. If anyone picked up on it they didn't say anything, too wrapped up in their own deep monologue's as they thought of their own imprints, except for Claire of course. She was as happy and as joyous as any toddler could be, and she was always the ray of sunshine we had when it came to empty and silencing days like this, I ruffled her hair softly as she sang a nursery rhyme, chewing happily at her muffin.

Then it happened. So quickly, but at the same time it felt like it happened in slow motion too. The screen door of Emily's kitchen burst open, allowing a soft cold breeze to come through, and with it came the loud happy booming voices of every single pack member, all looking extremely proud of themselves, yet at the same time extremely tired. Sam was first, his hard eyes going to connect with Emily's, softening like a child's before he quickly strode over to her and enveloped her in a tight embrace. The next was Jared, who wasn't as subtle, practically shouting out Kim's name over the commotion of the boys diving for the muffins and chewing hungrily, she jumped into his arms, showing no indication of embarrassment over her outburst, not that she should, he was after all the love of her life.

Little Claire squealed happily to Quil, her short brown pig tails bouncing up and down as she stood on her chair, arms outstretched for Quil to lift her up into his arms. I got out of my chair quickly, allowing Embry to take my place, seeing as he deserved it, he patted my back thankfully and gave me a meaningful look before his eyes lightened up at the tray of muffins.

I looked over the sea of tall boys and to Leah, who sat on the counter purposefully ignoring Seth's chatter, looking to me briefly and smiling, before nodding her head towards the door way, quickly returning to snapping at Seth. Instantly my head darted in that direction, to lock eyes with Jake who was already looking at me, he looked more tired than I had ever seen him before. His hair was disheveled and messy, and his eyes looked as if they were about to close any second, and I had never seen Jake be too tired to eat before, whatever that vampire had done, she had done it very well to wear him out.

I couldn't even tell what he was thinking as he strove over to me, ignoring the boys he pushed out of the way, almost as if he couldn't process who they were, and I in turn did the same, tuning out the loud laughter and talks of how far they had chased the red headed vamp until they knew she wouldn't return for a while. He towered over me, in nothing but his cut offs, and at a time like this I mentally slapped myself for even thinking about drooling over his torso. My small head almost reached his shoulders, I felt as if he could lift me up like a child, resembling what Quil looked like when he would pick up Claire. I ran a hand through my knotted brown hair, looking absolutely terrible in its curly mess, a bird's nest if you would like to call it that, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

He studied me for a while, taking a couple of seconds to look at my attire, which consisted of his hoody and pair of worn out skinny jeans, yes, the epitome of attractive. His forehead creased for a while, seeming to have some sort of inner monologue before his arms stretched out and pulled me into him, lifting my feet off the ground before for a moment before placing me back down. My short arms wrapped themselves around his waist, burying my head into his chest and taking in the scent I had craved for so long, reveling in the feeling of his hot skin. I felt his head bury itself into my hair, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck for a second.

I silently acknowledged that the pack had now silenced, and were most likely openly staring at out public display of affection for one another, but I couldn't find it in myself to care at all. I had Jake here, in my arms and as real as ever, and I couldn't have been happier at that moment.

"I'm sorry Jake," I whispered quietly, holding back the tears that were threatening to spill over, not that there was much point in whispering seeing as the entire pack had heightened senses.

I felt him shake his head in the crook of my neck, whispering his apology back to me just as quietly, "No I'm the one that's sorry, I was out of line and you're my best friend, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

I decided to ignore the pain I usually felt with when he called me'best friend', and decided to think about the fact that I had him back for now, that he was apologising for reacting in a way any normal person would have, it should have been me saying those words, yet I didn't. I was too afraid that if I said anything else that I would crack, and break down into tears, something I hated to do in front of everyone, I already showed them enough times how weak I was when it came to Jake.

"You reacted a way I can't blame you for, you were being protective and even though it didn't come out the way you meant it too, I still know you mean well Silver … because that's who you are."

I nodded, not knowing what else I could do, and I didn't want to remove myself from his chest just in case I would look into his eyes and burst out with something that would send him running, like a declaration of love. I heard him breathe in deeply from where he had his face buried, as if he were taking in my scent and carving it into his mind to remember for the next time we spent so long apart.

"I missed you so much."

The way he had said it had made my heart stop, and is if a big weight had been lifted on my chest, it soared at the loving tone to his voice, the longing I could hear through it. The butterflies in my stomach made me feel weak in the knees, and if Jake wasn't holding onto me so tightly I may have just collapse then and there in Emily's kitchen floor. At least for now, everything would be alright.

Replies:

Wolfhappiness- Glad you enjoyed it! Hope you liked this one just as much! :)

Gabriellalovesjake- I'll try and finish this as soon as I can, just so you can have the entire thing and enjoy it :)

h-e-d-w-i-g77- Thank you! It brings me complete and utter joy for you to think my writings so good! :) *blushes* And I'm so glad this story has touched you in some way!

Crawfish4- Thank you! And yes they are, I don't really like reading OC stories where they completely take the Bella/Jacob thing out because it was a very big part of the story. So I kept the fact that was in love with her to make things more complicated too, it's sort of a love square, yes well all in good time she will know things ;). Hope you enjoy this chapter!