"Everyday Is So Wonderful Then Suddenly It's Hard To Breathe, Now And Then I Get Insecure From All The Pain, I'm So Ashamed. I Am Beautiful No Matter What They Say, Words Can't Bring Me Down, I Am Beautiful In Every Single, Way Words Can't Bring Me Down … So Don't You Bring Me Down." – Christina Aguilera; Beautiful.

I stood in the kitchen by the counter, staring curiously at the open cook book before me, apparently all of the cook books I had found in a box under my bed belonged to me, and Dad has said I was pretty good at it. Really good, so good that sometimes the pack would eat here, if I bothered to make enough food for that many people, so I decided to give it a go.

I started off with something small, and made a small loaf of bread, it took a couple of times for practice, but I actually did pretty well, I don't know maybe I had some weird talent for it. The weird thing was is that I really enjoyed it, it was so therapeutic in the strangest way, I didn't even have to think when I was doing it, my mind just went blank, and it was so relaxing. Something so simple and easy to do, clearing my mind of the constant mixed thoughts of Jacob.

My heart clenched at the thought of him, he said he was working today, and wouldn't be here until the late evening, it physically killed me to go for so long without him, I was so dependant and attached to him; the thought of never being with him was a feeling that actually plagued me in nightmares, I just didn't understand what this feelings was, I couldn't even say it was love, because I didn't know what love felt like.

The fact that he had lied too about him never leaving me once in his life didn't help, in fact it made me cling to him more, desperately trying to reassure myself that he would be here for me, because Bella wasn't in the picture anymore. Leah said she was married now, and had a kid or something, she didn't really go into much detail about Bella's life now, and frankly I didn't want to know, the less I knew about her then the less I could hate her. But Leah's words still embedded it's self deep into my brain, because Jacob had left me, countless times for her, times when I had needed him, to help her out.

Slowly the puzzle pieces were fitting together, and I soon gathered that maybe I really wasn't in the right place when I had left for Seattle, but still even though I could tell Jake and I had probably had the rockiest year before my accident, it didn't seem like a sufficient enough excuse for me to leave La Push. God, this was so frustrating, I just wanted to freaking remember myself so I could settle all those unresolved problems with him, it was clear he was trying to fix his mistakes, and for that I didn't condemn him.

The pale blue apron I wore was covered in flour, and I had the slightest inkling that maybe some covered my cheek too, due to rubbing my face with the back of my hand a lot; I had been doing this whole baking thing for hours. Slowly I had moved on to muffins, the amount of ingredients we had in this kitchen was unreal, my father had constantly went out and brought them, because apparently he was hoping I would get around to this.

At one point in the afternoon he stood by the door frame, smiling affectionately at me as he watched me knead dough on the kitchen island, we spoke for a while then, me asking him what was my favourite thing to cook, and him answering as best as he could. It was such a simple conversation, yet it seemed to mean the world to him, he smiled so broadly before he left for work, and said something so small and under his breath, yet I still heard it. It held so much hope, so much happiness, and I had to blink back the tears in my eyes as he left, I had finally done something right.

"I'm getting my little girl back."

I was always a daddy's girl, even when my mum lived with us, I'd go to him for advice, or ask him for things like dolls and colouring books, or help on home work. We were always closer, he was just so much easier going than my mother ever was, and he took so much joy in life, and could light up an entire room with one smile. That was probably why I didn't live with my mother, I could imagine me sadly telling her that I was staying her, and her trying to keep her face void of emotion to show that it wasn't hurting her.

I don't care how long it takes, or how many questions I have to force on my dad, I was completely determined to find out just what had happened with him and mum as much as I was to find out what drove me away from Jake. There were just too many holes in this, too many confusing areas, so many riddles that I couldn't solve and it wasn't fair, because everyone else around me seemed to keep holding some sort of secret back.

I understand that they want me to get my memories back, but I couldn't do it on my own, I needed an idea, to help trigger something, they couldn't just expect me to produce a memory out of thin air. I had cracked my skull open after all, and I don't care how many times Jake frowned at me for using that excuse, I was going to continue doing it, because it made him feel guilty, and sooner or later he was going to give in. I knew he would.

The knocking on my screen door startled me, and my head whipped around to the garden door to see the large bulking figure of Quil, he waved enthusiastically at me, and I smiled and motioned for him to come in. He had to let himself in, since my hands were covered in flour and dough, his head ducked under the door frame, and it still shocked me on how unbelievably tall he Jake, and Embry were.

How I had befriended these four boys in eighth grade was an actual mystery, I must have really become tom boyish or something, because I had no girl best friends, apart from Leah, but she sort of counted as one of the guys too I guess. Out of the three boys Quil mostly tried to fill me in on what I used to be like, saying I was really harsh at times, and tended to swear a lot. It kind of shocked me really, seeing as the last memory I had of me didn't seem to match the personality that I remembered, but then again he also said the emotional damage from my parents divorce was kind of the reason to it.

Naturally, he didn't tell me anything when I asked why they divorced, except that I'd have to find that out from someone who had the right to tell, which was completely stupid, it was my life, I deserved to know. Maybe the thought my fragile head couldn't handle it, after all it only had been about four months since I left the hospital, and five months since I'd woken up from my coma.

Wow, I really did have a rough year; I bet no other seventeen year old could say they'd been through the same. They were all still in school, something I was actually dying to return to, because if Jake, Quil or Embry weren't around, life got so unbelievably boring, reading was okay sometimes, but when you had hours of the day free you wanted to fill it up with more things. I guess it was lucky for me that I had re-discovered my hobby for cooking.

Quil gave me an awkward hug to avoid the flour, and smiled broadly at me before taking a seat at the kitchen table, ridiculously dressed in dark denim cut offs and a navy shirt.

"So you've started cooking again?"

I nodded, motioning him to try the small batches of bread I had made, while I stuff the tray full of dough into the oven, and quickly washed my hands. Running my hands through my short hair I sat opposite him, falling into the seat with a tired sigh, he took no seconds to contemplate on eating the bread and just dived for it.

"Yep, you've still got it Sil," He muttered it through a mouthful of food, and I had to let out a loud laugh at his animal behaviour.

"I swear, you and Jake just eat like a pack of wild dogs!"

He chuckled quietly, before grabbing another piece, and heading to the fridge, sticking his head in it to probably pick out some peanut butter or something.

"So, how has your day been?"

I shrugged, even though Quil couldn't see, and rested my elbows on the table as I spoke, "Okay, nothing interesting except cooking … Jake send you here to check up on me."

He closed the fridge door with his elbow, both hands carry a jar of peanut butter and jam, he nodded and rolled his eyes in an annoyed manor, probably directing it towards Jake.

"I swear he's like a girl, whenever he's not with you he's always worrying … proper shouted at me so I remembered to stop by, and now I'm glad I did."

He raised the small loaf of bread up with one hand to emphasize his point and I smiled at that, my mind wondering to thoughts of Jake, and what he could possibly be doing now. Quil and I soon lapsed into a comfortable silence after that, and I got back up to start making some icing for the muffins, I settled on a dark green colour of food colouring, because it reminded me of the woods so much, which mostly reminded me of Jake, because that's what he always smelt like.

A small smile settled on my face as I thought of him, and suddenly time couldn't possibly go any slower as I wondered when he would come back here, praying to god it would be soon. For the last couple of weeks he had been at work for long hours on end, sending Quil or Embry to check up on me whenever they could too, it made me feel like a child that constantly needed minding.

I was perfectly capable of looking after myself; even my own dad had no qualms about leaving me alone on the house, but called in a lot to make sure I hadn't passed out or anything. For a cop he was extremely laid back, you'd usually think they'd be more paranoid about things like a break in and stuff, but he was perfectly mellow about that stuff. I don't even recall him giving me pepper spray for protection or anything, but this was memories I was going on from the age of thirteen, he probably did try giving me some in the four year gap between then and now.

"So, you're still cool about the whole bonfire thing this week right?"

I turned my attention to Quil, who sat back in the chair with his hands behind his head, taking a deep breath as if he had finished the entire loaf, and when I turned to look at the once full basket I had found I was correct. I nodded absentmindedly, going back to whisking the icing and making it soft, I heard Quil clear his throat, indicating that he wanted my full attention, and when our eyes connected I saw that he had a very soft look in them.

"You sure? We don't want you to feel like you have to go, it's only when you're ready Sil."

"It's okay, it's fine … I have to sooner or later, and I think I'm over the whole seeing an army of tall tanned guys now … don't worry about me Quil I'll be fine."

I smiled softly at him, trying to convince him that I really would be okay, because I genuinely didn't mind. At least I would meet them all on First Beach, so I definitely wouldn't feel as suffocated as I did before, and I couldn't avoid them forever. These people were once my family, people who had in their owns way been there for me, I couldn't just shut them out because I was scared of seeing them all, if I wanted to remember things I had to surround myself with the people I once knew so well and gave me so much to remember.

It was meant to be a whole day thing at the beach, and the weather had been pretty nice lately, I was just hoping it would last until the bonfire. They planned on going cliff diving or something, which was an activity I would clearly not be able to join in with, seeing as I still had a healing back, but I'd spoken with Emily over the phone and she'd kindly suggested that I help her set up a picnic and things, and help her look after Claire.

She was an extremely sweet woman, and spoke with a soft maternal tone; I almost wanted to hug her through the phone or something. Just by hearing I voice I felt as if she couldn't harm a single soul on this planet, and it was easy to see why the boys spent so much time at her home, besides her supposedly good cooking she was clearly their second mother. I was kind of nervous to talk to her at first, insisting to Jake that she would be upset I ran out on her welcoming party, but Jakes insistent nagging eventually got me to the phone, and Emily had been anything but upset, in fact she seemed overjoyed at the fact I had even said hello through the receiver.

So now I was determined to soldier through the entire day with them, learn things about them all over again, and hopefully have a great time. I didn't want to let anyone down again, especially Jake, it tore him up into pieces the last time I had ran out, and I definitely didn't want a replay of that.

By the time the cupcakes had been done and decorated, I placed a plateful of them on the table, telling Quil to help himself to a glass of milk if he needed to, and as soon as he dug in the screen door burst open, a smiling Jacob walking through flanked my Embry, both in similar attire to Quil. I didn't understand how these boys didn't get cold, it seemed to be the only type of clothing they ever wore, and when it started snowing I hope they had a warm pair of bottoms buried somewhere in their wardrobes.

Christmas was probably the best holiday I missed while I was in a coma, and not because I wanted presents, but because I thought of how much it possibly tore up Jake and my parents, you want Christmas to be a happy holiday to share with your family with love, not sit around a hospital bed watching your injured daughter recover in a long sleep.

I hugged Embry first, a brief one muttering small hello's, mostly because we both knew how much I was dying to jump into Jake's arms, and I felt like a silly school girl, bouncing on the spot waiting for him to lift me into his arms. He didn't disappoint, he never did, and every time he gave me that million dollar smile I felt the same amount of butterflies break out in my stomach like the beginning. He kissed me on both cheeks, before going to my forehead, and repeated the same cycle several times before I swatted his face away laughing, giving a small kiss on the cheek in return.

"How was your day?" He said, wrapping one arm around my shoulder as we watched both boys stuff their faces in with the cupcakes I had made.

I shrugged, slightly motioning to the table, to see his face brighten up even more at the activity I had been doing the whole day, and instantly I felt ten times prouder of myself to making him so happy.

"I've started cooking again! Tomorrow I'm gonna try harder things like lasagne, I found a cook book for that too and dads taking my grocery shopping tomorrow so I can get more ingredients."

"I'll take you, we can make a day out of it," I didn't protest at his suggestion, in fact I nodded my head enthusiastically, thankful for the excuse to spend time with him.

"Hey assholes! There's four people in this kitchen, not two!"

He released his hold on me to diver for the plate of cupcakes pulling them away from the boys to help himself, the protest of the other two boys sent me into a small fit of laughter, causing them all to erupt into fits as well. And for that small moment, I took in just how much joy I felt with these three boys, and somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind something triggered, and a brief image flashed in my head, it felt like a still photo, of a similar situation such as this. It had happened so quickly, yet still felt so prominent in my head, and I had to grip the edge of the counter while I gasped.

A memory. I had just gotten my first memory.

3 Months Earlier...

My hands covered my ears, trying to block Jake's agonizing screams from inside his house, tearing my heart apart in a completely knew way, pulling on the nerves in my stomachs. I bit my lip hard, trying to stop the tears from falling, blinking them back as much as I could. This wasn't about me, this was about Jake, and he was hurt bad. Because of her, all of this could have been fucking avoided, he could have been fine, he could be at mine right now watching a movie and stuffing his face with the lasagne I had made.

Instead he ran out with the pack, saving her from a group of fucking vampires, vampires she had brought on herself to chase her, I silently wished that they had completely their task, that they had just killed her, because then things wouldn't be so fucking messed up. Save her life and ruin a whole load more, that's what seemed to be the logic behind Bella Swan, and I couldn't possibly understand why, she wasn't anything special, she was just self absorbed. Emily, Kim, Claire had to sit at home and worry, speculate, fear that they might not come back, and it was already a hard task to live through, but it had been made a whole lot harder when she had led a fucking coven of new vampires after her.

Another string of loud screams left Jake's home and I buried my head in my knees, trying to ignore it, because there was nothing I could do to stop the pain. The entire pack sat outside, standing around and finding it equally as hard to with stand Jake's yells of agony, and I just couldn't stand it. My hair was back into a messy bun, I had put that way in a rush from Emily's, barely able to even tie my shoe laces as Emily and Kim had rushed out the door of her house to come her, and I didn't even have time to think about the kiss Jake and I had shared not too long ago. He needed me, and I had to put aside what ever happened to be able to be there for him, no matter how much it killed me.

Again, cries echoed throughout the Black residence, and a whimper released its self from my mouth, one I had tried so hard to keep down from my seat of Jake's porch steps. Dr. Fang was in there now, breaking all of Jake's bones so they could repair themselves properly, and it sounded like the most painful process I had ever heard off.

Quil put a comforting arm on my shoulder, squeezing it softly, silently telling me to hold on, but I couldn't anymore. Physically and emotionally I was so tired, I was drained and worn out, my head felt as if it would explode any day now, everything had just toppled over, and Jake's injury didn't help that in the slightest. I felt as if someone and grabbed a baseball bat and was constantly hitting it against my heart with as much force as possible, destroying it until there was nothing left. This whole imprint thing was becoming too much, I was even beginning to wish that this had never happened to me, I didn't understand what I had done in my life to earn this much pain.

I leaned into Quil's touch, desperate for human contact, anything that would comfort me. That's when I heard in, the sound of a car door slamming, the soft and pathetic helpless tone of Bella swan as she demanded to see him, her fucking vampire boyfriend in tow.

How dare her! How dare she waltz in here and demand to see him, like she had some sort of right, like she was of any importance, pretending to be all worried about him? She probably just wanted to see if he would survive the night, so she could go on living with her sparkling boyfriend with a clear fucking conscious. I hated Bella Swan. I hated her from the deepest parts of my soul, with a burning passion, so much that I was up and charging for her before I even realised what I was doing.

I was so close to her, so close to whipping that fake concern of her face, so close to earning the closure I had craved for months on end by punching her in the face. Cullen stepped in front of her threateningly, while a load of the guys had dived for me, Quil getting to me first and pulling at my from the waist, and I clawed at his arms, screaming for him to let me go, so filled with rage and hatred that I screamed until my lungs needed air.

"I hate you! I hate you so much! This is all your fucking fault; you couldn't just die could you? You couldn't just save us all this trouble and pain, you don't even care who you hurt! As long as you get what you want! Which is everything you spoilt fucking brat! I hate you!"

The tears flowed endlessly down my face as I screamed at her, and she did nothing but hide behind the shoulder of her boyfriend, attempting no come back, because she knew it was true, and it only made me hate her more. Emily blocked my view of her, cradling my face and whispering me to calm down, and as my legs buckled beneath me Quil's grip around my waist became more supportive, attempting to hold me up.

Emily's motherly embrace comforted me a little, but did nothing to stop the waterfall of tears and loud sobs that left me, and for the longest time I cried my heart out, soaking Emily's shirt, and she didn't complain, not one bit. I had quietened down eventually, and Quil had enough confidence to know that I would be okay if he let me go, but still stuck close by just encase I went on another rage rampage. Stuck to Emily's side from then on, finding comfort in being near her, and her soft nature reminded me so much of a mother.

It felt like an eternity when Dr. Fang had stepped out, Jake's once loud painful screams and long since stopped, but it didn't make sitting her in this cold weather of the early morning hours any easier. Everyone's became suddenly alert, looking to him for any good news, yet he didn't let anything on, no words of him being okay, or whether he'd need a couple of moths rest, or if the situation had worsen, nothing except two words. Five words that I didn't think could even worsen my mood any more than it had already been made, fiver words that had made the small broken pieces of my heart break into a million small shards, five words that would only ever be directed to her.

"He wants to see you."

I saw the way she rushed up the porch steps, the one sleep fleeting look to me out of the corner of her eye, and the smug aura she felt as she did so. It was always her, it was always going to be here, and at that moment, at four o'clock in the morning … I finally gave up.

I actually think this story will be finished before it hits the fifteen chapters mark! It's going at a much faster pace than I imagined! Yes anyway, we're getting closerrrrrrrrrr to finding out what happened, and hopefully Silver does get to bash Bella's head in. Wow, I'm violents!

REPLIES:

Ramitora22: Thank you so much! I try to add in as much detail as possible when it comes to emotion so the readers can feel what the characters feel! Thank you for adding it to your favs :D Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Wolfhappiness: Thank youuuuuuuuu ^_^ Yeah I try to show the difference as much as possible, and now she can definitely begin to see their flaws, hopefully fixing it and making it a stronger relationship! Yes, Bella should be returning soon, making a cameo appearance or something haha! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks again for reviewing!

Embrysgirl444: I know! Me too! It gets so hard writing these scenes, i even get overly emotional tooo many times! Hope you liked this chapter and thank you for reviewing again :D

Pretty Monster Princess: Haha if only I could! That would just make everything so much better! And thank you :D Makes me so happy! Thanks for reviewing and hope you do again!

GymnastQueen: I think it was definitely needed! To see what was going through his mind, because I mostly write in Silver's point of view, so thank for the tip ;) Andddd urgh I actually just cannot stand Bella, she'll get whats coming to her sooner or later! And it was more of a brief summary, since Leah couldn't tell her in detail, that would spill most of the pack secrets and things! Hope you like reading this chapter! :D

Crawfish4: Haha no keep reviewing! Because it makes me SOOO happy and motivates me to do more chapters when I see your reviews! I dont think your readers fully understand just how good it makes me feel when you all do!And he's just a scared little boy, too scared of losing her again, and tbh he deserves all the grief he gets about her! Stupid man child like you said!

nathansprincess: Oh wow that was quick! Thank you for reading it so fast haha! Hope you enjoyed the update! Review again! :D

SimplyMe: Yes, you would assume right! Haha, and yes he may seem that way, but it's how i depicted him, going into more detail in character, because I think the characters need to be a little more developed and made less two dimensional! BUT I am doing an up and coming chapter that focuses on Jake and Paul's friendship, showing it develop and give you an explanation to why he behaved that way! So stay tuned :D

MyAwesomenessisAwesome: I know *sigh* boys boys boys! Haha thank you! I like to keep it divers! but the memories don't really have much of an order, they just jump back and forth, hope this had the spark you usually get when reading! Enjoyy!

WOW! I actually cannot believe how many reviews I've begun getting for each chapter! it's unreal! THANK YOU SO MUCH! You're all so great and I honestly love you all, I hope I continue to please you all with good chapters! HAPPY READING EVERYONE!