"Used To Steal Your Parents Liquor And Climb To The Roof, Talk About The Future Like We Had A Clue, I Never Planned That One Day, I'd Be Losing You. In Another Life I Would Be Your Girl, We'd Keep All Our Promises, It'd Be Us Against The World." – Katy Perry; The One That Got Away

"I was thinking," I said lightly, between a spoonful of my cereal, "that I should think about going back to school, or maybe home-schooling?"

Dad's head perked up, eyes moving away from the paper in his hand to my face, and he placed his coffee down on the table. He was sat at the head of the table, me beside him, bowl resting between my chest and knees as I had planted my feet up on my chair.

"It's just I should have been a senior now, and I want to see what I was looking at in terms of college, scholarships… all of that. I don't want this to set me back any more than it already has." He nodded, somewhat solemnly, like the talk of college wasn't appealing to him.

"And also I think it'd help with my memories," I hurried on, as if it would make him feel better, "if I was back in school, or being taught certain subjects again, it might help me in remembering some of the stuff I learned."

I was just tired of sitting around, doing nothing if Jacob was busy. I mean, everything was perfect. I was happy, but somehow I felt like the old me wasn't okay with being just happy. It didn't take me long to realise that I couldn't be like Emily, or Kim, or even Rachel. She went off to college, she done it all and then came right back. Somehow, I felt like the old me wanted more than just La Push, like she would have wanted to see things, like she was meant for more than just being someone's partner.

I think maybe Jake liked the idea of me staying here, getting back to baking and stuff, I guess he had built up this image that we may have ended up being the next Sam and Emily. But I couldn't imagine myself being just that. I loved Jake, I had gathered that much about everything between us, and I knew that he loved me. It felt like it didn't actually need to be said, it felt like it was something we were both so acutely aware of.

But was I content with just that? I had no idea. That's why I wanted to go back to school, despite technically being a few years behind on what I actually knew, I needed something of my own. Something that would help me see what I would do after this. Whether I remembered everything or not. I needed to know that I had given myself every chance at any possible future.

And who knows, maybe if I decided on college and getting out of here, me and Jake could leave together. It didn't necessarily mean I was leaving him behind.

But why did I still feel so bad for thinking about any of this?

I had been thinking about it for well over a month now, especially since I was almost done with my physio, and with my therapy sessions coming to an end. It felt like I could finally begin to move on, but I had still kept it from Jake, and I wouldn't pretend I didn't know why, because I knew in the end, if I did think about leaving for college, he'd convince me not to go.

"Silver, I know how hard everything has been for you, and even though you don't remember any of it… these past couple of years you really kept me together after your mom, you took care of me," Dad's hand reached across the table, taking mine in his, I squeezed his hand, offering a pained smile at his tender look, "if you ever thought about… leaving… then you owe it to yourself to do it. You've been through hell and back, you owe it to yourself to do more, to have more. It'd kill your old man to see you leave the nest, but if it makes you happy kiddo, then it'd make me ecstatic."

I felt like thanking him was nowhere near enough in terms of gratitude, especially as I wrapped my arms around him, holding him as tightly as possible. He insisted that I saved him, when really it was the other way around. Every sleepless night, where I lay awake crying, in physical pain or because I just had no idea who the hell I was, he was there. He knew me, he was the superglue that kept the best parts of me still together.

Through all my scraped knees and bad school days, and probably many more memories that I couldn't remember, he was always there at the end of the day, even if I didn't tell him what was wrong. His arms were a solace that was always a constant, he was a constant, and the amount of love he expressed never faltered. Which was when the anger flared up, because I couldn't understand why Mom would have left that, left us.

But besides all that, the validation from my Dad was everything I didn't know I was actually seeking, so it made it easier when I visited my old principle the next morning. I didn't know whether I would go back to school, or if I did out of our sessions, but this was a start.

And weirdly enough, it made me feel happier than I had been in a long time. Doing this, going out on a limb, without my Dad or Jake as a safety net, being able to depend on myself was exhilarating.

Jacob, however, had the exact opposite reaction. Not that I expected any less, but I had at least hoped he would have been happy for me. I had hoped that he would be as supportive as he had been with everything else, but I guess the two of us being wrapped up in our own bubble for so long made it that difficult for him.

"You're… you're looking at colleges?" He said, bewildered, while we stood in Emily's backyard. His expression was pained, and he seemed to be doing everything he possible could to avoid eye contact.

"No- no you're not listening to what I'm saying at all. All I did was go and see our old Principle, I'm just looking at my options, I'm trying to create a life for myself."

I didn't know why I felt like I had to explain myself so badly, I didn't know why I felt so guilty either. But the panic in my voice was something I couldn't let go of, I felt like I was betraying him.

"But we have a life for ourselves, don't we?" He looked at me then, and I was too afraid to say anything, especially with the amount of pain he seemed to be in, "You and me, we're ... we're good, right? We're happy?"

"Of course we are," I said softly, reaching out to him, "you've always made me happy, you've always made me feel like I'm home."

"But?" he pushed, as his hands came to rest on my shoulders, leaning down towards me to press his forehead against mine.

"But I want more for myself, Jake. I- I owe it to myself, to see if I wanted to be something more, to see if I wanted to do something more. What if I liked journalism, or photography, or what if I wanted to open a bakery? Or maybe I did wanna stay here with you, maybe that was what kept me completely happy. I don't know Jake. But what I do know is that I feel like I wanted to do more, I feel like some part of the old me wanted to get out of here and see things."

I wanted to say more, I felt like I had more to say, but I faltered. Because I was distracted, a jolt of pain had flashed through my head, like it had so many times before. But this was unclear, almost distorted. Me, Leah and pain. So, so much pain. So devastating that I felt it in the deepest recesses of my chest, and I had to briefly let go of Jake to rub at my eyes. These words, I felt like I had said something like this before. Or along the same lines at least, like I had reached this epitome a long time ago, and like I had relayed it all to Leah.

I didn't realise that Jake had taken a step back until I had returned back to the present, and that he had sucked in a breath that was apparently too afraid to release just yet. He was more panicked now, both hands running through his hair and his eyes were slightly wild, he was muttering to himself. Muttering and mumbling, his voice slightly strained, it was like I wasn't even here.

"It's- it's happening again, it's all gonna- it's – I'm gonna lose you again- I can't-"

"Jake, what are you talking about? You're jumping to conclusions, you're not going to lose me, Jake-"

But he wasn't listening, he was only working himself up more, and I was beginning to freak out. He moved further and further away from me, every time I took a step forward, he'd take one back. His voice was rising, his body began shaking, like he was filled with so much rage that he physically couldn't contain it. Like he was going to explode. I couldn't fight back the tears that were welling up in my eyes, I didn't know what to do, I felt helpless.

It was like the rest of the guys could feel when another was in pain, like they were so perfectly in synch – and they flooded out onto the backyard porch in clumps. Sam at the front, silently giving out orders as all of the boys headed over to Jake.

"Come on, kid – you don't wanna make the same mistake twice." Sam's tone was so final that I couldn't imagine anyone ever wanting to go against him, but Jake proved otherwise.

"You're not my fucking Alpha anymore, remember that! You have no idea wha-"

"Kid! Shut your fucking mouth," Paul interjected, and with Embry, Quil and Seth flanking him, all of them placing hands somewhere on him, pulling him backwards, it was hard to make out where one of began and the other ended. "You need to cool it, you can't be losing it like this again."

"Come on, Jake-"

"Don't do this in front of her-"

"You're not gonna get another shot at this-"

They were all talking at once, attempting to all be soothing, attempting to all talk sense to him. Saying this that only confused me more. What did Jake mean by Alpha? What did Sam mean by making the same mistake twice? What did Seth mean at another shot?

"Silver," I turned to see Leah, watching her take hurried steps down the porch as she walked past me, an uneasy smile on her lips as she spoke quickly, "Brody's gonna take you home, okay? Don't worry, he just needs the night to himself. We'll take care of him. I promise."

Leah may have said all of that comfortingly, but it wasn't a suggestion. It was a flat out order, and as she turned away from me, following after the guys as they headed into the brushes, and into the darkened woods. I was left standing there, Emily, Kim, Colin and Brody standing behind the screen door, waiting for me to come back in.

And I almost didn't want to, because I felt like I was getting closer to something. Like in my mind, the chains of a locked door were starting to rust and disintegrate, breaking down and spilling things from inside. I was so, so close to remembering something. Something important, and I felt like what just happened with Jake, and the guys and what they were all saying were all linked. I felt like I was on the edge of remembering something I shouldn't have forgotten.

One Day Before

We sat in silence in the damp sand, First Beach was empty, and the bad weather and chilling cold putting off anyone who would have wanted to stop by. My scarf wrapped tightly around my neck, hiding the dark bruise that was present on my shoulder and neck, Leah wasn't someone who would have kept her anger under control if she'd seen it. Not that she didn't already know, everyone in the pack knew, but this wasn't something I could let Dad see.

The only place I had gone since it happened was school, the only form of escape I had. The fear of coming across Jake at Emily and Sam's, with nothing between us to stop him from coming close to me, touching me, was far too big.

"He came over last night," I said softly, watching as the greying water overlapped each other in the waves, the chaos of it all reminded me of the mess I felt inside, "I didn't- he didn't come inside. It's just … for years I've either let him through my window, or left in unlocked. But, but I didn't get up. I- I pretended I was asleep, but I heard him."

It was the first time he had tried contacting me since he'd hit me, and it had hurt like hell to ignore him. The pleading in his voice, the weakness that was emphasised. He begged like he'd never begged before, he'd cried like never before. It was everything I had always wanted him to do, he'd even said he loved me. But it was too late, too far gone. I'd told myself then, while he begged for me to open the window, while I cried silent tears with my back to him, pretending that I couldn't hear, that it was enough. That if this wasn't a warning sign to let this go, then I didn't know what was.

"When do you leave?" Leah said softly, and I noticed the hitch in her voice as she attempted to clear her throat and hide in, I laced my fingers with hers.

"Tomorrow morning, I'm getting a bus from Forks. I don't think I'm coming back, Leah."

She said nothing, except held onto my hand tighter. I bit down on my lip, and rested my head against her shoulders as we sat in silence. It was over, everything. Me, Jake, my place with the pack. It was done. I was done. And amidst all the sadness, all the heartbreak, I had this weird feeling of relief, like I was free. Like I had this giant weight taken from my shoulders.

"I get it," Leah said eventually, "I do. I know that you can't stay, I know that it's over for you and him. But hell, you're the best damn friend I've ever had. I- I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"You can get out of here too, you know?" I said, "You don't have to be part of that pack forever. We don't have to let this tie us down to this place. I want more, Leah. When he- when he hit me.." I felt her tense, I felt that unconcealed rage bubble within her just at the mere mention of it, but I carried on.

"Weirdly enough I had this epiphany, like I realised that I couldn't just be that. I couldn't just be an imprint, having my love for Jake clouded with what he done made things so much clearer to see. I owe it to myself to try and be more, to see more. Hell, I owe it to myself to get the fuck out of here and make a life outside of the pack, and La Push and being an unwanted imprint. I deserve more than that."

As I said it all, I realised the finality of my decision, I realised that there was no going back, and so I let my tears spill uncontrollably. I let myself have one last cry over him, over everything we ever had, over the pack that became my family.

"I- I can't believe he's done this to me, I can't believe I let the way he treat me get this far, I let him ground me down to nothing. I let myself be so caught up in us being together that I completely forgot who I was. I need space to clear my head, and then I'm going to get on with my life. We've done nothing but become poisonous to each other. "

Leah wrapped her arm around me, and although she wasn't exactly vocal with her own sobbing, I could still feel her chest rise and fall erratically.

"I'm the only one that can let me live my life, and that stupid realisation is something I should have known all along. I'm not depending on anyone anymore. I won't need anyone anymore."

I knew I wasn't the first to be hurt by an imprint, I knew perfectly well the story of Emily and Sam, but that was different. Everyone knew it. Sam and Emily had been an accident, a terrible accident that almost broke both of them. But an accident nonetheless. Jake? He'd wanted to hurt me, maybe it was a reflex, maybe he'd done it before even realising it. But I felt that anger, I saw the way his hands balled into fists, I saw the way he stared at me for a brief moment of time, where there was nothing but anger. He blamed me, in that moment at least, he'd blamed me for that happening.

And maybe part of it was my fault, I knew I was pushing him, but I held no regrets. Everything I said to him that day I had completely meant, everything I had said was the truth. I didn't ask to be imprinted on by him, I had just as much choice as he did. I wasn't letting him express his hate for imprinting through me any longer, I was going to let my resolve fall with one pleading glance and his soft touch.

I deserved more than that.

Present Day

It was like someone grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me awake forcefully, and as I jolted out of bed I let out a strangled cry. I ran my hands through my hair, grabbing onto the roots as images, conversations, emotions flew around my mind. Like flicking through a bunch of old family photos.

The first thing I felt was relief, relief because my memories were coming back in slow motion. And it overwhelmed me as I felt like my entire self again, like now was the moment I had only just awoken from my coma.

Then I went through all the emotions that Jake had put me through, sadness, love, pain, heartbreak. It was like being suffocated.

Then the anger filtered in through the cracks, like water through cracks of concrete. Engulfing me as I thought through the last couple of months, through his incessant lies, through his deceiving, through his selfishness. After everything he had done, he still lied.

"That son of a fucking bitch."

Dun, dun, duuuuuuuun! I think I have literally two more short chapters before this is done. All of one will be in the past, and in Jacob's pov - it'll be post hitting her/post accident to see how him and the pack dealt with it/worked things out together.

And then the last chapter will probably be quite long, it'll have Silver confront Jacob and whatever devastation comes after that!

Thank you to all who reviewed, it's really warming to see how many people still support this despite my atrocious lack of updating for so many years, but I hope you've all been enjoying it. As well, reviews are appreciated!