"You See Her When You Close Your Eyes, Maybe One Day You'll Understand Why, Everything You Touch Surely Dies. But You Only Need The Light When It's Burning Low, Only Miss The Sun When It Starts To Snow. Only Know You Love Her When You Let Her Go… And You Let Her Go." – Passenger; Let Her Go

He'd thought the most pain he would ever endure was having to watch Bella marry that leech, he'd thought the feeling of finally losing her would be the most excruciating thing he'd ever have to come to terms with. The fact was no matter what happened with Silver, they were going to be together, and he knew that better than anyone. It had been a truth he had selfishly denied her for so long, but it was fate. Part of the Quilette histories, and they'd never been wrong. He just wanted some more time. That was all. Some time to just be normal, to fall for a girl the normal way, to love a girl the normal way. To have his hear broken and made up and to just be a damn teenager. He wanted to finish what he'd started with Bella before he'd become a wolf.

Time. Something he always thought he'd have more than enough of, but the truth was painfully bleak.

Being a Wolf, Imprinting, it all brought out these uncontrollable emotions. Sometimes he felt like he was drowning, with no one to help pull him out. Like no matter how hard he kicked and paddled and swam, gasping for air and to reach the surface, that it made no difference. He was always on the verge of taking his last breathe before he lost himself. That was how it had felt the day he had hit Silver.

He'd never thought he could be capable of something like that. He'd look back through Sam's memories, and of when he'd hurt Emily, and thought he'd never get to that point. Just trying to comprehend the idea that he could physically harm Silver made that darkness in the pit of his stomach flare up. Hungry, and prepared to eat away at his fear and anger. That's how he had felt; like he was drowning in his fear and sadness and anger and heart break. There was no longer anywhere for him to turn, and he knew Silver was on the edge of letting him go. But he wasn't ready.

He just wasn't ready to let Bella go, he wasn't ready to say it was over. That had been his undoing.

Sam and Emily had gotten over. That's what he'd repeatedly told himself. Sam and Emily got over it, they worked through it. It made them stronger.

The situation wasn't entirely the same, but Jacob and Silver had been best friends for so long before this, if anything they both had more of a desire to fix it. It's what he'd repeatedly told himself following the days after, when she didn't open her window to him, when she didn't pick up the phone or turn up to any of the pack dinners. She'd just need time, and then they'd work through it. Once she'd realise how sorry he truly was, how ready he was to make her happy. It'd work out. All he needed to give it was a little time.

Time.

A funny concept, he thought now. Because you always believed you had so much of it, but there was always a dawning realisation – at a significant point in your life – where you finally understand that there was never enough time. That the clock could stop ticking at any point that it pleased. That you could have your entire life planned, only to realise it was never even in your hands. It was the most terrifying truth to come to terms with.

Because now, he could lose her. Really lose her. And the only memories she would have had of him was him repeatedly breaking her heart, hurting her, choosing Bella over her. Hitting her.

"It's your fault." Leah piped up. The first words she had spoken to him since she'd found out what he had done a week ago. Even then, she'd exploded, shifted and attempted to have torn him to pieces.

"Leah." Sam warned from across the room, the pack squashed into the small waiting room in Forks General. Some sitting on chairs, others on the floor.

Jacob had been the last one to arrive. The last one to hear anything, because he'd been at the Cullens.

"If she dies, it's all on you. You did this." It was the softest Leah had spoken in weeks, without rage or animosity towards him. She just sounded choked up, pained. Emily's arm covering her shoulder as they sat in two plastic chairs at the other end of the room.

"You're not going to even say anything?! Are you even sorry?!"

He didn't see the point in responding, Leah wasn't who he answered to now. It was Silver. Only he didn't think he'd get a chance.

"You spend years stringing her along, picking Bella over her, denying your imprint. Then you hit her. You deliberately hit her. And the moment she finally does some good for herself, and packs up and leaves and tries to fix herself, she's punished for it. And you have nothing to fucking say?!"

"Leah, stop."

"Why should I?!" She interjected, the anger finally resurfacing, the pain etched into her beautiful brown eyes. "I'm the only one who's telling him what he should have been told a long time ago, because then maybe we wouldn't be here. While Silver's on an operating table, on the verge of dying."

"SHUT UP!" Jacob screamed, his chair sliding back and colliding into the wall as he stood. The anger and enthusiasm he had, ready for a fight, was an act of a man not thinking clearly. He was drowning again, he could feel it, but like the last time. Like he had been around Silver, he was unable to calm it.

"I know, okay? I know that she's in there because of me. I know all of this is because of me, and I know I never deserved her. And I know I have a spectacularly shit way of showing it, but I love her. Okay? I love her. And she needs to wake up, she needs to wake up because I need to show her-"

"Jacob-" Sam's voice interjected, soothingly. Like he once did when Sam was his Alpha, he'd never admit how much he currently needed it.

"No- I – I need her to wake up. I need to make her happy, I need to show her how much I love her. Not because I deserve another chance, because I don't. But because she deserves it, she deserves to be loved right. To be loved by her imprint properly. I owe her that. She deserves that and more- so fucking much more. I need to give that to her-"

"Jacob, it's okay." Sam came up behind Jacob, his large hand resting on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

Jacob turned to look at him, big eyes wide and desperate, and so beside himself that Sam's aura of authority radiated off of him, and he took solace in it. He took solace in the fact that Sam always seemed to know exactly how to behave, knew exactly the steps needed to be taken in order to make things seem or feel okay, so he let him take over. He nodded, the tears beginning to finally spill, he'd never felt more in pain until now.

Was this how it really felt? To hurt or be hurt by the one you really loved? Was this what it felt like every damn day for imprints like Sam and Emily, and Jared and Kim? If that was the case, how had Silver endured so much of it? How Silver kept on coming back regardless of all the things he had done? Now, more than ever, he fully understood just how much he didn't deserve her.

"Sam- Sam, she can't die – she can't, I can't lose her. I need to fix this, I need to fix this Sam, I can't live wi-"

"It's okay, Jake. Just breathe." Sam pulled him in by the shoulder, Jacob welcoming the comfort as he buried his head into his old Alpha's shoulder. Releasing the pent up emotions that had constantly suffocated him. The warmth, and understanding, Sam emitted in his told and hold of Jake was one he hadn't even realised he had needed from the very beginning.

And Sam had lived up to his promise, being there every step of the way. From the moment Silver's dad had stepped into the room, delivering news, to the moment he had had to go home and rest up. The words echoed in Jacob's head. Cracked skull, swelling in the brain, spine broken and cracked in four different places, broken ribs, arm. The list had gone on, and he had delved deeper into the pit of despair and fear as Silver's dad had repeated the doctor's words.

Would she even wake up? Was the question on everyone's lips.

Only Sam was the only member of the pack brave enough to ask, and when he received his reply, his grip on Jacob strengthened. The only reason he remained upright.

It was unlikely.

This is like the second last chapter, so so close to finishing now. This is like a glimpse/summary of how Jacob reacted to the accident, I didn't want to drag it out and I felt like this was the best way to write it. Hope you enjoy!