A/N- This chapter is when things start to get a little... angsty and dramatic, but there's a bit of fluff in there as well. Also we'll be seeing Hannah's perspective in the second half of this chapter, and hopefully I do justice to her character and thoughts.

Chapter 7

Clay was practically bouncing on the heels of his feet as he stood outside the hospital doors. He had hardly slept the night before after finding out that Hannah was getting out of the hospital the next day, but he didn't tell Zach when he asked Clay why he was so excited. Clay didn't want anybody to know that Hannah was out of the hospital just yet and accidentally kick-start the rumour mill again.

Though nobody knew the true reason why she was in there in the first place, people had been talking. Some stories were a little to close to the truth for Clay's liking. Hannah had seriously injured herself on accident at home, she was attacked in a failed burglary, one person even got it right, but it was dispelled amidst the more outrageous rumours. Clay's personal favourite was the one where he and Tony saved Hannah from a government assassin.

The tinted doors opened, breaking Clay from his reverie, and out stepped Hannah, her parents standing on either side of her like two bodyguards. Hannah's face broke into an angelic smile, and Clay noticed the sparkle in her eyes that had been vacant for so long.

Hannah took a deep breath and closed her eyes, breathing in the slightly stale air of the town of Crestmont. "It feels good to breathe fresh air again," she commented wistfully.

"You and I have very different definitions on 'fresh air,'" remarked Clay.

Hannah opened her eyes and scowled at Clay, though the effect was ruined by the smile she was trying to fight off. She gave in however, and launched herself at Clay, wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders. Clay stumbled backwards in surprise and the force of Hannah's hug, but he eagerly returned the gesture. They both broke apart however, when Mr Baker coughed and the two teenagers pulled apart, both blushing furiously.

All four hopped into the Baker's vehicle, with Mr and Mrs Baker in the front and Hannah and Clay in the back. Clay noticed Hannah's hand resting in the seat between them, and he was tempted to hold it in his. But he thought better of it, thinking that Hannah probably wouldn't want to. Then again, he remembered his promise to himself to not hold back, so he reached over and grabbed her soft, smaller hand in his own, entwining their fingers together.

Though she didn't look down in surprise or anger at Clay's move, a ghost of a smile formed on Hannah's lips, and Clay knew he had done the right thing.

Nothing was spoken on the way to the Baker's residence, though Clay noted that Mrs Baker kept glancing back at the two teens, or rather, more specifically where they had linked hands together. Clay also saw her giving Hannah knowing looks and the blush that crept on the girl's face whenever her mother did so. Clay found it both amusing and embarrassing because let's face it, Clay and Hannah weren't hiding anything that her parents didn't already know.

After what felt like an eternity, Mr Baker pulled the car up into the Baker's driveway, and a red-faced Clay and Hannah stepped out, no longer holding hands, but sending each other secretive looks. Before they stepped inside the house though, Clay froze.

The last time he had been here he was soaked in water and blood and carrying a half-dead Hannah in his arms with the front door knocked off its hinges. The door had been fixed back into its frame, but Clay could see where the paint had chipped from the force of Tony's kick.

Hannah gave him an odd look, and he shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts. He definitely did not want to be thinking of that right now, he was supposed to be helping Hannah feel at home. Though if he were being honest, Clay had no idea how he could do such a thing seeing as it wasn't even his own home, but Mrs Baker had insisted he be there for Hannah to help her settle in.

"Come up with me," said Hannah, grabbing Clay's hand and pulling him along with her to her bedroom.

This is not how I wanted expected coming into her bedroom for the first time would be like, Clay thought glumly. Hannah's bedroom was a cozy room, about the same size as his own but less cluttered. The blinds were open and a window had been opened as well, allowing a light breeze to drift through her room. Clay also noticed that Hannah's room was impeccably tidy.

"Your room's a lot cleaner than mine," said Clay offhandedly.

"I cleaned it myself before I... you know. To make it easier for Mom and Dad," said Hannah quietly, her expression darkening.

"Shit sorry I..." stammered Clay. Nice one asshole.

"It's fine, really," soothed Hannah before she sat down on her bed.

Clay nodded his head and wandered around the room looking at all the little trinkets and knick knacks in her room. On her desk were some school textbooks and drawings, along with half-finished poems. Clay picked up one drawing and his eyes widened in surprise. It was one of the bunnies he had drawn Hannah so many months ago. He put it down and looked to the wall opposite the desk, studying the posters on the wall.

There were several posters and photos or various sizes. There was a photo of Hannah, Clay and Kat at her party where Clay had first really gotten to know Hannah and he smiled at the memory. There were other photos of Hannah with other people including Jessica, Alex, Sheri and even more of Clay. The largest poster was one of Lady Gaga, which made Clay chuckle.

"What?" asked Hannah.

"You're a fan of Lady Gaga?" asked Clay.

"Fuck yes! I love her!" said Hannah, then her eyes narrowed. "Do you not like her or something?" she said suspiciously.

Clay shrugged. "I don't mind her, but I'm more of an indie alternative rock guy," he answered.

"Like who?"

"Oh you know. Kaleo, Lord Huron, Amber Run. That sort of thing."

Hannah chuckled quietly. "I only know one of those bands you listed," she said.

"Which one?"

"Lord Huron. He was the one who sung the song we danced to at the Winter Formal."

Clay's heart started racing. She remembered that? Of course she did, she mentioned it in the bloody tapes!

"It's a good song," said Clay easily, though he felt anything but easy.

"One of my favourites," agreed Hannah.

"You should check out Kaleo as well, they're one of my favourite bands at the moment," said Clay.

Hannah smiled. "I'll be sure to," she promised.

Clay smiled back and turned his attention to the photos again, scanning them like a detective would looking at evidence. One thing was consistent through all the photos, and that was the spark in Hannah's eyes that had long since dimmed to almost nothingness. Sure, that spark would come back every now and again these days, but here, captured in these photos, Clay could see how alive Hannah was before everything went to the shit hole.

Clay's eyes stopped when they rested on one photo pinned smack bang in the middle of all the others. It was of him and Hannah at the Winter Formal last year, dancing together. They were smiling from ear to ear, their eyes focussed on each other. Clay hadn't noticed it, but frozen right there in the photograph, it was obvious how much they truly cared for each other. It sent a pang of guilt through Clay's heart, reminding him of how blind and stupid he was.

"That's my favourite photo," said Hannah from beside Clay, making him jump in fright. Hannah laughed loudly as Clay tried to compose himself.

"Geez woman, you almost gave me a heart attack!" he scolded, to which Hannah only laughed more. Clay glared at her, though it was only half-hearted and he too started laughing. Clay looked down at his watch then to check the time.

"Shit. I have to get going. I promised mom to be home soon to help her with some stuff," said Clay grumpily.

"Okay," said Hannah. "I'll see you later?"

"Definitely. While I'm gone look up that band I told you about," said Clay as they left Hannah's room. She escorted Clay out the front door, and just before he stepped off the front porch, Hannah suddenly pulled him into a tight hug around his waist. Clay relaxed into the hug and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and he couldn't help but think about how right it felt, to hold her this close to him and he didn't want to let go.

They eventually let go of each other and Clay stepped off the porch, sparing Hannah one last look behind his shoulder before he continued on back home. He looked back again before he rounded a corner and saw Hannah still standing on the porch, looking at him.

oOoOoOo

"I've missed your cooking Mom," said Hannah earnestly. Her mother gave her a warm look.

"Why thank you honey," said Mrs Baker.

"Mmm, this really is amazing," agreed Mr Baker, wiping his face with a napkin and sighing in content.

It was the Bakers first dinner as a whole family for the first time in nearly three weeks, and Hannah had never felt happier. Actually that was a lie, as she could think of several moments where she was happier, and most of them had to do with a certain teenage boy with a nasty case of helmet hair. It made Hannah feel guilty though for trying to kill herself, thinking of how it would have destroyed her parents. Once again she thanked her two saviours saving her life.

Hannah's phone buzzed in her pocket, and she pulled it out to see a message from Clay, automatically making her face break out into a smile.

Hey, you doing anything tomorrow?

Not that I know of. Are you suggesting something?

Of course, milady. Zach and Alex are coming over tomorrow to my place to hang out. Did you want to come?

Hannah frowned slightly. Did she want to spend the day at the boy who she was definitely was in love with's house? Sure, Zach and Alex would be there as well, but it was still Clay "Helmet" Jensen's house.

Is Tony not coming as well?

He's working tomorrow.

Hannah looked up at her parents, who seemed to be pointedly ignoring her while sending each other knowing looks.

Your mom said I had to invite you over as well, just so you know.

Hannah's head snapped up and she glared at her mother. "Mom!" she yelled.

To Hannah's annoyance, Mrs Baker looked at her with false innocence. "Yes Hannah?" she asked innocently.

"Did you seriously tell Clay to make me hang out with him tomorrow?!" she shrieked.

"It would be good for you!" defended Mrs Baker. "Besides, we all know how you feel about that boy, you might as well spend more time with him. You only ever really smile around him as well."

"Your mother has a point," said Mr Baker.

Hannah's eyes narrowed at her father. "Aren't you supposed to be chasing boys away? Not encouraging them to hang out with me? Like isn't that the whole point of being a father?" she snapped.

"It is. But we also know when our daughter has met a good guy, and Clay is a really good guy," replied Mr Baker calmly.

"Oh God, my parents are playing matchmaker," groaned Hannah.

"Although Tony seems like a nice boy as well," added Mr Baker.

"Honey, Tony's gay," said Mrs Baker.

Both Hannah and Mr Baker's faces contorted into looks of confusion. "What?" they both said at the same time.

"Well isn't it obvious?" said Mrs Baker, shrugging slightly. "Leather jacket, slicked-back hair, nice muscle car. He's clearly a James Dean fan."

"Or he just really likes Grease," argued Hannah.

"That doesn't really help your case Hannah."

"Oh whatever!"

"So you're saying that Clay isn't your type?" asked Mr Baker.

"I never said that!" hissed Hannah, feeling her face begin to burn up. She roughly wiped her face with a napkin and tossed it onto the table. "I'm going to have a shower. And we are not having this conversation again."

Hannah stood up from her chair and left the dining room before going down the hall to her bedroom, where she would grab a towel and possibly a spare change of clothes.

"You're allowed to go over to Clay's house tomorrow, just so you know!" called out Mrs Baker, making Hannah groan in exasperation.

She didn't go to the bathroom straightaway though, instead going into her room, where she carelessly jumped onto her bed and buried her face into her pillows.

"Parents," she grumbled, though the sound was muffled by her pillows. She rolled over so that she was laying on her back and grabbed her phone again and saw another message from Clay.

You don't have to come over if you don't want to.

Hannah sighed. Clay was a sweetheart, really, but he should have known by now how much she needed him to keep her insanity in check.

No, I want to come over. I'll see you tomorrow Helmet.

See ya here.

Hannah placed her phone on the bedside table before she sat up. She carefully rolled up her sleeves of her shirt to reveal her marred skin of her wrists and forearms. Her flesh was no longer held together by stitches, but the ugly pink lines would stay with her for the rest of her life. She hadn't even shown Clay the scars yet, and she didn't plan on it either. What would he think of them? He'd probably be disgusted, or he would be reminded of the horrible things Hannah had put him through.

Hannah rolled down her sleeves to cover up the scars, and resigned herself to the fact that she would probably have to wear long-sleeved shirts for the rest of her life, if only to stop the whispering of her peers and strangers.

Sighing, Hannah reminded herself of her promise to Clay to look up that band he loved so much. What was its name again? Kaleo. She grabbed her phone again, along with some headphones, plugged them in and opened her music app.

Hannah had to admit, Clay had good taste in music. In fact, she thought he had excellent taste in music and loved this band, having already saved their entire album onto her playlist. She would thank Clay for introducing her to the world of alternative rock music tomorrow.

Ugh! Why did Clay have to invite Zach and Alex along! Sure, she had forgiven them for what they did to her and had become much closer, she just wished that she could spend the day with just Clay. Nobody else but the two of them. The prospect of it both excited and frightened her.

Shaking her head, Hannah took the earphones out of her ears, grabbed a towel and a fresh set of clothes and headed upstairs into the bathroom. She closed the door and dumped her spare clothes and towel on the floor but stopped when she saw the bathtub.

It was just sitting there, all clean and innocent, like Hannah hadn't just tried to die inside it. There was no evidence remaining, no water, sloshing out of the tub and onto the floor, flooding the bathroom floor as it became redder and redder thanks to the blood that had been seeping from her cuts.

The cuts on her wrists themselves tingled as she remembered the razor blade piercing her soft flesh like a hot knife through butter, as she screamed in agony but pressed forward to complete the task she had been so set on doing, if only to end her suffering. It was ironic really, to suffer in order to avoid suffering.

Her body couldn't... wouldn't move as she remembered the screams of Clay as he pleaded for her to be okay, to not be dead. It was those screams from Clay that plagued her nightmares every night, that would wake her up screaming and sweating. It was those screams from the boy she loved that made Hannah most regret what she almost did.

"Hannah? Are you okay?" it was her mother. She tried to reply, but she said something else entirely.

"I can't," she said.

"Can't what?"

"I can't."

"Hannah? What can't you do?" Mrs Baker's voice was sounding more scared. Mrs Baker opened the door, which Hannah had forgotten to lock.

"I can't. I won't," whispered Hannah, terror seeping into her voice.

"What won't you do?" asked Mrs Baker.

"This bathroom. I can't be here. I don't want to be here!" pleaded Hannah. The bathtub was mocking her, she could feel it, tormenting her for the job she couldn't accomplish.

"Hannah, there's nothing to be afraid-" began Mrs Baker.

"No! No no no non NO!" screamed Hannah. She crouched down to the tiled floor and put her hands over her ears, sobbing loudly. The voices in her head, they were getting louder, mocking her for not dying, accusing her of almost leaving her family and friends behind. For almost leaving Clay behind.

"Hannah sweetie, it's okay," said her mother soothingly, trying to calm Hannah down as she sobbed.

"I want to go to Clay's," Hannah said suddenly. "I can't use this bathroom anymore."

"Hannah, it's getting late," said Mrs Baker.

"I don't care. I need to see Clay," Hannah said forcefully. "He's the only one who can help me."

Mrs Baker gave Hannah a pitiful look, but nodded her head. "Okay. Get in the car and I can take you to Clay's," she said.

Hannah dumbly nodded her head and she stood back up on quivering legs. She was shaking all over, and she was worried that she might topple over if she kept shaking. Hannah cursed herself for being so weak and dependent on Clay, but he truly was the only person who could help her.