Chapter 7
Piper dropped Sally home after school, promising to be back in the next two hours. The idea of not going to school the next day felt like a huge relief to Sally, it was as though her brain had started to dread every moment she had to spend there. She was pretty sure it was something Alex would enjoy too, especially since it was Diane's birthday in a couple of weeks. Sally walked up the stairs to their apartment, remembering how badly Alex had coped with Diane's birthday last year. She had no idea how to help her sister deal with it, all she could do was keep an eye on her, and ask Nicky to do the same.
Sally finally made it to the front door and let herself in, all the lights were off and everything was quiet. She walked into the lounge room and dropped her back pack in the corner. She turned around to find Alex sleeping on the couch, still in her pyjamas from the night before. She knew Alex always found it easier to sleep during the day, but she also wanted to make sure the younger girl had a chance of getting at least some sleep that night.
Sally knelt down in front of the couch and looked at Alex, who was lying on her side with her hands under her face as she slept. Her long dark hair was falling everywhere, and there was a pile of old books on the ground next to her.
"Alex, time to wake up."
All Sally got in response was an unimpressed groan, Alex was never graceful after being woken up.
"Piper's gonna spend the night, she'll be here in a couple of hours."
Alex ignored what she was saying about Piper, all she could think about was that Sally had her meeting with Caputo that morning. She opened her eyes and met Sally's gaze, she needed to know what happened.
"So how did it go? Let me guess, there wouldn't be a problem if I just stayed away from Healy?"
Sally sighed, she really wanted to give Alex better news, but she couldn't.
"Something like that. I'm sorry Lex, I thought that after what happened last Friday he might be willing to do something. But it was the same speech all over again."
Alex was sitting up now, with Sally kneeling in front of her.
"Are you really surprised?"
"Yeah, I am. He's never been that physical before…"
Alex interrupted Sally before she could keep talking, "He saw the perfect opportunity on Friday and he took it, that's all it comes down to."
Sally hated the defeated tone in Alex's voice, she hated the fact that her sister was being forced to live with this situation.
"Between me, Piper, Carrie and Nicky, someone can be with you all the time."
Sally was expecting some sort of protest from Alex, but the younger girl didn't say anything, she just sat there and nodded in agreement.
"Are you okay with that?"
"I don't really have much choice, do I?"
Sally put her hands on Alex's knees, "Look, it's been a shitty few days, so you, me and Piper are having the day to ourselves tomorrow."
"Don't tell me you're advocating skipping school Sal?"
Sally got up from the floor and sat next to Alex on the couch, "Yes I am, so take advantage. It was actually Piper's idea, she came with me to see Caputo. That's why she's staying here tonight. We need some time to get away from all this bulshit, I know everything has been so fucked up lately. We need some time out."
"Sounds good to me." Alex didn't care what they did tomorrow, any chance to get away from school was a huge plus.
"So how are you feeling? Still getting headaches?"
The truth was that Alex had slept most of the day away on the couch, in between bouts of reading.
"Not really, I feel okay, just a bit stiff."
Alex leaned her head on Sally's shoulder and they stayed on the couch for a while, flicking through the TV channels and talking about random celebrities. Alex was trying to work up the courage to speak to Sally about her feelings for Piper, but she kept putting it off. The blonde girl kept occupying most of her thoughts, and her will power wasn't that strong, so Alex knew she couldn't put it off for much longer.
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Piper got back to the Vause apartment just after 6 pm, and she couldn't wipe the smile off her face. She couldn't wait to tell them her plans for the next day. Sally answered the door and let her into the apartment, they both headed to the lounge room where Alex was sitting on the couch reading a book.
Piper kept telling herself not to stare, but it was getting harder and harder. Her eyes immediately went to Alex on the couch, who was still wearing her pyjamas, which consisted of grey boxer shorts and a white tank top. Piper could see everything, her long legs, her arms, and her long dark hair was falling around her shoulders. Even though she knew Alex probably spent all day sleeping in those clothes, she still managed to look amazing.
Piper tried to act casual and sat on the couch next to Alex, "How do you feel?"
"Well, between you, Sally and Nicky, I think I've been asked that question at least 17 times today. But luckily, my health couldn't be better."
"Well lucky you, because I have the perfect plan for us tomorrow."
Sally walked back into the lounge room with a bowl of popcorn, "What's the plan?"
"Okay, so I called my dad when I got home. Turns out he's away for the next few days and I said I might go back to the house to get some more of my clothes. Anyway, there's a heated pool and spa, we should go spend the day there tomorrow. What do you guys think?"
Needless to say, Alex was more than impressed with that suggestion, and all she could think about was seeing Piper in a bikini for the whole day.
Sally also loved the idea, "Pipes, that sounds fucking amazing!"
"Perfect! We can sleep in, get breakfast on the way, it'll take us about an hour to get there."
They kept talking about their day off together and ordered pizza for dinner. Sally eventually went to pick up their dinner, leaving Piper and Alex alone in the apartment. As soon as Sally was gone, Alex leaned into Piper on the couch and kissed her on the lips. It was going to take all her will power to not touch Piper tomorrow, but she still couldn't stop smiling.
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It was nearly 1 am and Sally had fallen asleep on the couch almost as soon as they finished the pizza. Alex and Piper were lying next to each other on the floor, but they weren't really paying attention to the TV anymore. Alex was letting her mind wander and she realised how little she actually knew about Piper, especially about what happened between her parents.
"So, are you close to your dad?"
Piper rolled over so she could see Alex's face. Piper had already seen so much of Alex's raw emotion since they first met, it made her feel comfortable when it came to talking about her own issues.
"I used to be, but the older I got, the less I saw him. He was just never home. Then one day I caught him with another woman outside his work, I don't think I ever got over seeing him do that. My mum spent so long pretending everything was fine, but even she lost her patience eventually. That's when my brother and I moved out with her. I haven't seen him since."
"That really sucks Pipes, you deserve better than that."
"That's just what my family is like. We act like nothings wrong until everything blows up in our faces, then we go on pretending."
Alex moved closer, she didn't like the idea of Piper bottling everything up.
"You know you don't need to do that here? I don't want you blowing up on me one day."
Piper laughed and put an arm around the brunette, being with her was so easy.
"I promise I won't blow up on you."
"And hey, I know us Vause girls generate plenty of our own drama, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to us if there's something wrong."
Piper pulled Alex into a proper hug, she'd never actually had a friend say something like that to her before. It reminded her that she wasn't alone in the world any more.
"Thanks Al."
Alex leaned into the hug and kissed the blonde softly on the lips, completely forgetting that Sally was lying right next to them.
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That was the first night in a while where Alex didn't have any dreams. All three of them ended up spending the night in the lounge room, with Sally on the couch and Piper and Alex on the floor. The blonde woke up in the morning and realised that Alex was pressed up against her back, with her arm draped over Piper's stomach. She could hear the brunette breathing steadily, she was still asleep, and Sally was still asleep on the couch. She never thought she'd feel so good after spending a night sleeping on the floor, but in that moment she felt completely content.
Three hours later, at 10 am, all three of them piled into Piper's car and started their drive. Sally called the school and told them her and Alex wouldn't be coming to school that day, and Piper phoned after. They stopped for a takeaway breakfast of bacon and egg rolls on the way, and spent the entire car ride screaming their lungs out to the best one hit wonders they could find. Piper turned down the radio once they pulled into the driveway, she felt so weird being back there.
Sally opened her window and looked out at the house, "Holy shit Pipes, this place is huge!"
Piper never really thought about it in the past, it was just what she was used to.
"Yeah, and now there's just one person living here."
Alex felt like there was a tinge of sadness in Piper's voice, it made her appreciate the relationship she had with Diane even more.
Piper parked her car and they all walked into the two story house, everything looked perfect, it was hard to believe anyone even lived there. There were no clothes or books on the floor, no dishes in the kitchen sink, no magazines on the coffee table. Alex tried to stop staring and followed Piper and Sally to the back of the house. They'd gotten lucky with the weather, the sun was out and the skies were clear, and all Alex could smell was the grass and the flowers.
They walked into the backyard, which looked just as perfect as the inside of the house. The pool looked pristine, with outdoor seating running alongside it. Alex didn't want to waste any more time, she'd been thinking about seeing Piper in her bikini since last night. She had her one piece black bathing suit on underneath her jeans and t-shirt so she didn't need to get changed. She put her bag on one of the chairs and started taking off her clothes, making sure Piper could see everything she was doing, even if she was still talking to Sally.
Alex looked towards Piper after she took off her t-shirt, and was more than happy to see the blonde looking directly at her.
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Piper felt her mouth run dry as soon as she saw Alex from the corner of her eye. She was standing there in her holter neck one piece, and jumped into the pool as soon as their eyes met. Piper and Sally joined Alex in the pool in another ten minutes, and Piper made sure she stayed next to Sally. Even though it wasn't exactly easy to control her gaze, Piper was loving the day. It felt so nice to just sit in the water and not have to worry about anything. No thinking about her mother, or worrying about whether or not Alex was safe at school. But it did feel weird to be back in that house, Piper was so relieved her dad wasn't there. Even though she missed him, she knew how awkward she'd feel seeing him for the first time since she moved out. It would just remind her that he wouldn't let her stay with him, making her feel like she didn't even have a real father.
Piper watched on and laughed as Alex tried to push Sally under the water for the tenth time, still having absolutely no luck. Once they were done torturing each other, Piper was keen to see how things were going between Sally and John.
"Have you spoken to John much lately?"
"I swear Pipes, you're worse than Alex. But yes, if you really must know, we speak most days."
"Has he asked you out?"
Alex decided to answer the question for Sally when the older girl went quiet.
"Oh yeah, he's definitely asked her out. But Sal likes to play hard to get, she makes them ask her out at least three times before she says yes."
"Shut up Alex."
Piper could tell that Sally liked John, it was so obvious, "You need to say yes! He's adorable and so sweet. Last week he chased you down the hallway because you left your pen in the science lab!"
Sally splashed both of them in an attempt to shut them up, "We are officially done talking about my love life."
Alex knew exactly why Sally wasn't saying yes to John, but she figured the poor guy at least deserved a chance. But right now, her main focus was trying to not stare at Piper in her perfect red two piece. She'd already seen the blonde in various states of undress when she slept over, but there was something so different about seeing her like this. It's like Piper knew she was looking, and she liked it. Alex felt there was no way Sally hadn't noticed something was up, she'd need to talk to her soon.
All three of them stayed in the pool, enjoying the mix of the cool air and the warm water against their skin. It was heading towards lunch time when they saw someone walking into the backyard. Piper nearly freaked out at first, thinking she was about to have a run in with one of her dads lady friends, but it was just her brother.
"Cal, what the hell are you doing here! Why aren't you at school?"
Cal was obviously confused, standing there in jeans and a ridiculous Hawaiian shirt, with a joint hanging from his mouth.
"Ummm, probably the same reason you're not at school?"
Piper was annoyed that he'd interrupted their day, she was hoping to get some alone time with Alex.
"Does dad know you're here?"
Cal just scoffed and lit up his joint again, "No way. But I did happen to know he was outta town, so I thought I'd get in some Cal time before the holidays hit and mum makes life unbearable. So here I am."
"How did you even get here?"
"No no no, you don't get to interrogate me just yet Pipes. Go ahead and introduce me to your friends."
Piper rolled her eyes, Cal was enjoying this way too much.
"Sally and Alex, this is my little brother Calvin."
"Cal, actually."
Alex recognised him straight away, he was one of the new kids buying joints from Nicky, she had no idea he was Piper's brother. But she didn't say anything, she didn't want to get him in trouble.
"So ladies, taking advantage of the pool I see. What brings you to father's castle?"
"We're relaxing Cal, and we'd like to keep relaxing, without you watching."
Alex and Sally couldn't help but laugh, Cal looked mortified at being told to leave.
"No way Pipes, I just got here. I promise there will be no creepy staring at your friends. In fact, the real reason I came here is in my old bedroom, so I'll head up and you won't even know I'm here. And more importantly, no one will tell mother dearest that we were here today. Deal?"
"Yes, deal."
Cal made his way back into the house with a smile on his face, clearly enjoying the fact that he caught his sister skipping school.
Alex decided to take advantage of the distraction and swam up behind Piper, splashing water all over her.
"Alex!"
"I can't believe you just got caught out! He could've joined us out here, given us all your dirty secrets."
Piper splashed Alex right back, "Trust me, if he was here right now he'd be staring at your chest the whole time."
Piper felt herself blush as soon as she said that, and she let her eyes linger down Alex's body. She saw Alex looking back at her with a smirk and a wink before swimming over towards Sally.
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They stayed in the pool for most of the afternoon until the temperature started to drop. By 3 pm Sally was in the shower, Cal was still in his room, and Alex had followed Piper into the kitchen. Alex and the blonde were still in their bathing suits, and Alex walked up behind Piper and wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her in close. Alex placed her mouth against the older girls neck, running her lips over the smooth skin.
She felt Piper hum under her breath, and she spread her fingers across the blonde's bare stomach.
"Thank you for today."
Piper turned around. She needed to see Alex's face before she could say anything, "You're welcome."
Piper leaned her head against Alex's shoulder and just enjoyed the moment. The whole day had been exactly what she wanted. Just the feeling of Alex's hands running up and down her skin made her feel good, and she knew that her feelings for the younger girl were real.
Piper, Sally and Alex started their drive home just before dinner, while Cal was still hanging out in his old room. Alex didn't remember the last time she felt so relaxed, even Sally looked relaxed and happy as she sat in the front seat of the car with her arm hanging out the window, letting the cool air wash over her. She didn't let herself think about tomorrow, she didn't want anything to ruin that feeling.
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Two weeks later on a Saturday afternoon Alex found herself spending the day at Nicky's house. The two girls were sitting in the back yard drinking beer and taking advantage of the limited sunshine. Nicky's parents were away for the weekend, so they had the house to themselves. It was Diane's birthday, and Alex didn't want to be alone, she'd been dreading this day for weeks. Sally was working, and she had no idea what Piper was doing, so she arranged to spend the day at Nicky's. Carrie was meant to be joining them but pulled out at the last minute, claiming she'd managed to score a date with a girl that was friends with her brother. Alex didn't really mind, Nicky was all she needed.
Nicky remembered how much Alex struggled with Diane's birthday last year, and she wanted to make sure they had a good day. She was doing her best to distract her friend, she was even willing to talk about Piper.
"So what's the latest with you and blondie?"
Alex kept sipping her beer, "Nothing really. We kissed again, but that's it. I need to talk to Sally first."
Alex still hadn't worked up the courage to have that conversation with Sally. She managed to convince herself it was because she was stressed about Diane's birthday, but deep down she knew that wasn't the only reason. She was afraid of ruining the best thing that had happened to Sally since Diane died.
"Alex, you don't need Sally's permission to date Piper."
"Yeah well I want it, I'm not gonna spring it on her. You know she's locked herself away for the last two years, Piper is the only person she's gotten close to. I need to talk to her about it."
Nicky smiled to herself and opened two more beers for them, "You know what would be hilarious? If you go to all this trouble, get permission from Sal, and blondie says no to you."
"Trust me Nick, she won't say no."
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Alex and Nicky kept drinking steadily all afternoon, and had now changed to smoking joints while they lay on the grass. Alex knew that Nicky was trying to distract her, but it wasn't working any more. Alex couldn't stop thinking about Diane, and she needed to talk about her.
"Do you remember when she died?"
Nicky was taken aback, even through the beer and joint induced haze. She hated thinking about that day, but she knew Alex never brought it up unless she really needed to talk.
"Yeah, of course I remember. Sal called me from the hospital, I came to see you the next day."
"I don't remember that…"
"You were pretty out of it, but I still tried to cheer you up. I kept telling you not to worry about it, that chicks dig scars, they fucking love it!"
Alex laughed and nearly choked on her joint, she could always rely on Nicky to lighten the mood.
"Luckily I have plenty of those."
They kept lying on the grass, passing joints between them, letting the afternoon pass them by. Usually, enough joints helped Alex forget, but today they just sparked all her memories, and she felt like she was drowning in them. She felt like the world was spinning when she closed her eyes, and she could feel her voice starting to crack.
"I can't stop thinking about her Nick. Every time I close my eyes, she's all I see. I can't fucking shake it, I feel like I'm losing my mind."
Nicky would struggle to respond to that comment sober, let alone when she was this high and drunk, so she didn't say anything.
"We need to go to the cemetery now."
"Hold on Vause, it's nearly dark, why don't we go tomorrow? Preferably when we're not both high."
Alex dragged herself off the grass and stood up, there was an urgency inside her that was making her skin itch, she needed to go now.
"No, I can't wait that long."
Nicky couldn't say no to Alex when it came to this, and called them a cab to take them to the cemetery. Alex was silent for the entire ride, it was almost completely dark by the time they got there. Alex jumped out as soon as the cab stopped outside the cemetery gates, leaving Nicky paid the driver. She got out and chased after Alex, who was heading straight for Diane's grave.
By the time Nicky caught up with her, Alex was already sitting on the ground in front of the headstone, writing in a note book that Nicky didn't realise she'd brought with her.
Nicky sat down next to Alex on the cold, damp grass, but she kept looking at the ground. She knew she'd end up crying if she looked at the headstone and saw Diane's name. She was more of a mother to Nicky than her real mother ever was. Diane always welcomed Nicky into her home, and was always willing to listen to her troubles and give her advice. Diane never judged her for being gay, while her own mother was probably ashamed. Nicky struggled enough with Diane's death herself, so she couldn't even imagine how much Alex struggled.
They sat there for nearly twenty minutes, and Alex kept scrawling in her note book the whole time. Eventually, Nicky wanted to make sure she was okay.
"How's it going Alex?"
Alex stopped writing and looked straight ahead at the headstone, forcing herself to read every word that was written on it. It was like she needed to remind herself that it was all real.
"I don't know….I still can't believe that I'm never going to see her again."
Nicky didn't bother responding, there was nothing she could say to make Alex feel better, and it made her feel horrible.
"Do you remember her birthdays? We'd always bake her a cake and write her a letter, fuck….I still have all of those letters, she kept them in a shoe box, she didn't lose one of them."
Alex went quiet again and went back to her notebook. It was another ten minutes before she started talking again.
"I should've done more while she was alive, I should've helped her more, or something. She had a miserable fucking life and then she died, with nothing."
"Don't fucking say that! She wasn't miserable, she loved you and Sal. I would kill to have a mother like Diane, she would've done anything for you guys. At least you know she really loved you."
Nicky was trying, but she felt like Alex was getting more agitated with each passing moment. Eventually Alex stood up, she wanted to go back home. They walked to the closest main road and got into another cab, Nicky gave the driver the address for Alex's apartment. Alex still wasn't saying anything, and Nicky felt like going to the cemetery had done more harm than good.
The cab stopped outside Alex's apartment building, and Nicky was going to head back to her own house. But she was worried about her friend.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
Alex nodded and gave Nicky a hug, she needed to get out of that car before she lost all self control.
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Sally had spent most of her Saturday working and had gotten home about an hour ago. She knew Alex was with Nicky, and thought she'd be spending the night there. She was making herself a hot chocolate in the kitchen when Alex came bursting through the front door.
"Hey Lex, I wasn't expecting to see you tonight."
Sally was focusing on her drink and turned around just in time to see Alex grab an empty beer bottle that was sitting on the kitchen counter and throw it as hard as she could at the closest wall, smashing it everywhere.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!"
She looked her younger sister in the eyes and all she saw was anger mixed with sadness.
"I can't fucking do this without her Sally!"
Sally quickly stepped towards Alex to stop her from doing anything stupid, but she wasn't quick enough. Alex managed to grab another beer bottle and smash it against the front door before Sally got to her. Alex could feel the anger growing inside her every time she lashed out, she thought it made her feel better. She tried to grab a plate that she could throw but Sally got to her in time and wrapped her arms around Alex from behind, pinning down her arms so she couldn't throw anything else. This had happened two times before, and all Sally could do to stop Alex was to hold her still. She could smell the beer and smoke on her sister, and she knew she wasn't thinking straight.
Alex kept trying to fight against Sally, but she couldn't get out of her grip.
"Fucking let me go!"
"You need to calm down Alex!"
But Alex kept thrashing against Sally trying to get away, she was so angry, she didn't know what else to do. Sally's heart was racing and she could feel the anxiety building inside her. All she could do was keep talking, she needed to find a way to get through to her.
"I know it hurts Lex, I know it's a bad fucking day, but this isn't going to make you feel any better."
Alex just kept groaning and trying to get out of Sally's grip. Sally didn't think she'd be able to hold onto her much longer, so pushed her forward until she was up against the front door. At least it made it harder for her younger sister to move.
"You gotta calm down Lex, then we can talk. But I'm not letting you go so you can smash up our shit."
Sally kept holding onto Alex from behind and eventually, she started to calm down. But it didn't take long for that calm to turn into sobbing. Alex leaned her head against the front door and let her emotions go. Sally loosened her grip and leaned her forehead against Alex's back, hugging her, letting her get all that pent up frustration out of her system.
Alex started talking through her sobs, and Sally could only just hear her.
"This is too hard…. I just want her back…."
Sally kissed Alex on the shoulder while she still had her arms around her from behind. Her sister was breaking and there was nothing she could do about it.
"I want her back too."
Alex's sobs started to slow down, but Sally still struggled to understand her.
"You can't leave….please don't leave."
Sally let go of Alex's arms and turned her around so she could give her a proper hug.
"I will never leave, I can't do this without you kid."
Sally felt Alex bury her face in her shoulder and cry. It had been a long time since she'd seen Alex cry like this and it was hard to watch.
"I don't know how to pull it together Sal, she won't stay if I can't pull it together."
Sally had a feeling she knew who Alex was talking about, but she wanted to hear her say it.
"Who won't stay?"
Alex tightened her grip on Sally, "Piper, why the fuck would she stay..."
All Sally wanted to do was calm her sister down, then they could talk about the details tomorrow. She had suspected that Alex had feelings for Piper for a few weeks now, but she wanted to let Alex bring it up on her own. Besides, it wasn't Alex's feelings towards Piper that she was worried about. Her biggest concern was how Piper felt about Alex.
"Piper isn't going anywhere Lex, I promise."
She felt Alex taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself down more. Sally rubbed circles across her back and kept holding her tight, she knew she just needed to be patient and wait until Alex was ready. After another ten minutes she could feel Alex relaxing in her arms and she wasn't crying anymore. Sally pulled back so she could look Alex in the eye, she looked exhausted and sad.
"Listen to me Lex. I want you to go have a shower and get yourself cleaned up. I'll make you a sandwich, and we'll watch a movie together. I'll get the extra blankets and pillows out and we can camp out in the lounge room, I'm not going anywhere. Then tomorrow, when you're feeling better, we can talk properly."
Sally stopped talking and waited until she saw Alex nod.
"And I know how fucking hard today is, it's hard for me too, but we gotta stick together okay."
"Okay."
Sally let go of Alex and she headed towards the bathroom. As soon as she heard the bathroom door close, Sally went and sat on the couch and leaned back as far as she could. She took a few deep breaths and tried to stay calm herself. It was never easy watching Alex break down like that, especially when she was the one that needed to calm her down. Sally had used work as a distraction for the whole day, while Alex used alcohol and drugs.
Even though she'd seen it before, it still scared her to see Alex like that. It was completely raw, and it showed how fragile Alex's emotions still were. And that is what worried her the most about Alex falling for Piper.
A/N
Hello. Welcome to all the new readers, and thanks for all the reviews etc. The second half of this chapter got pretty heavy, let me know what you think about it.
Also, I do proof read everything, but I always manage to miss errors, so apologies for that.
Cheers.