I Had All And Then Most Of You, Some And Now All Of You, Take Me Back To The Night We Met. I Don't Know What I'm Supposed To Do, Haunted By The Ghost Of You, Take Me Back To The Night We Met.

The last time I'd looked in this mirror had been the day I'd left, and as I stood there in my old room, which I'd realised my Dad hadn't touched except for obviously when cleaning, I felt like I no longer belonged in it. It felt smaller somehow, and the shabby single bed I had spent years of my teen life either sharing with Jacob, or crying in over him, didn't feel familiar at all.

I was wearing a pale pink lace dress, the floral patterns made it look fancier that it was, and more expensive. I'd gotten it as a panic buy in the sale section, thanks to my mind choosing very last minute to finally go ahead and accept Kim's invite to her wedding. I'd left the invitation on my desk for months, in mine and Eva's cramped dorm room back in New York. I hadn't been back here, in La Push, for almost four years, and with the begging of Dad and the guilt of seeing Kim reach out to me, I knew I'd have to come back eventually.

My hair, now grown again to its full length, cascaded down my back in soft waves. I repeatedly ran my fingers through it out of nervousness, to give them something to do other than shake endlessly. I hadn't seen or contact anyone apart from Dad since leaving, I'd gone four years without talking to Leah, to Kim, to Embry and Quil, Sam and Emily. To Jacob.

Today was going to be a big day.

I turned away from the mirror, heading to my bedside table and grabbing my phone. One message from Ava, my roommate and best friend for the last two years.

I expect updates every hour today! Good luck! Xo

I'd told her as much as I could have told someone who wasn't supposed to know about Vampires and Werewolves, that I'd been pining after my best friend while he lead me on. Which was slightly inaccurate, but I couldn't have provided more details without her asking questions, and since the only time I did talk about Jake to her was through bonding drunken nights it wouldn't have been safe.

I sent a quick reply, wishing she was here with me, holding my hand as I came face to face with the people I used to call family, but instead I'd settle for Dad. Who was turning out to be more than a perfect support system despite not knowing why I had left La Push and Jacob. He stood at the bottom of the stairs, by the front door, scrolling through something on his phone. His hair had greyed over the years, though I supposed that was my fault for putting him through the ringer ever since my accident.

He wore a plain black suit, the top buttons of his white shirt undone, and as he looked up to see me descend the stairs he drew a smile that I hadn't seen in years. The type of smile that made me feel like I had made him proud.

"You look beautiful, kid."

"Don't look too bad yourself, old man!"

I opened my arms out to hug him, and he welcomed it. The last time I'd seen him had been during after New Year's Day, we'd gone for lunch in New York and I'd shown him around. He couldn't imagine me leaving anytime soon, and I couldn't either. When I let go of him I ran my fingers through my hair again, a habit he was very aware of. Catching my wrist in his hand, he forced me to look at him in the eye, his gaze as soft as his voice.

"You're being very brave, and I'm here for you, okay?"

I nodded, afraid if I used my voice that I would hear it break and then collapse.

He turned, heading for the door and grabbing his car keys from the bowl by the house phone. Nothing had changed.

I grabbed my cardigan from the coat hanger beside me, the summers were never perfect in La Push, but it was warm enough to not need a jacket. I took a deep breath as my father held the door open for me, knowing I there was no going back once I stepped out the door. I forced my feet to move, taking one step at a time, pretending that I wasn't on the verge of an anxiety attack.

XXXX

Sam and Emily's home had changed, though Sam had always vowed for years that he'd remodel most of it, and he had been true to his word. He'd extended the back, as far as I could see, adding a conservatory completely built out of wood. My guess was the pack had extended in size over the years, and you can't host a pack that big without making more room.

Of course, Jared and Kim would have their wedding here, it was the heart of the group. Dad and I had walked around the front of the house when we'd arrived, we'd missed the ceremony and the reception was being held in the garden inside a large Marquee, the music boomed loudly. We'd sat at a table with Charlie Swan, Bella was obviously not in attendance, with Sue Clearwater and two of her neighbours. I was the youngest at the table. Fortunately for my nerves, Leah and Seth were seated at the front, by Jared and Kim's main table. They were surrounded by younger members of the pack from what I could tell. From my view, it looked as if Colin and Brady had joined the pack, they'd been young teenagers the last time I'd come across them.

I sat through the speeches silently, ignoring Sue's attempt to smile in my direction, knowing she'd want to ask questions I wouldn't want to answer. Knowing she'd fill me with memories of Leah and Seth.

"The first time Jared looked at Kim, I swear the asshole could have melted into the damn floor." Paul joked, he was stood in his seat, beside Jared at their table. It extended in a long line.

Rachel Black, who I hadn't seen since I was about thirteen when she went to college, was sat beside him, Sam and Emily beside her. She was looking at him the way I used to look at Jacob, the way Kim looked at Jared, the way Emily looked at Sam. It clicked then, and if I hadn't have felt so sick from nerves I would have laughed at the way events had turned out for Paul. He'd imprinted on her. And it looked as if things had turned out a lot better for them than it had for me and Jacob.

On the other side of the table, after Kim, was her parents and bridesmaids. She looked beautiful. Her dress was a simple, thin material, probably something Emily had made for her. When I'd seen her walk in it fell down to the floor, covering her feet, the cream print complimented her caramel skin perfectly. Her hair was loosely tied up, stray curls framing her face with a halo of flowers tangled in. She must have looked like an Angel to Jared.

Paul's speech was followed by Sam's, his less playful and more emotional than his brother's. Through all of the speeches, and through dinner I'd still had that horrible sickened feeling, my stomach curling. Jacob was nowhere in sight. Not at the pack's table, and not at Jared and Kim's.

"He's at the other table with Billy and his sister," Sue's voice rang out in my ears as Jared and Kim took to the dancefloor in the centre of the Marquee, they were going to have their first dance as Husband and Wife.

I turned towards her in surprise, not realising I had been that obvious. She was sat directly across of me, and I fought against myself to reply, my cheeks reddening at the embarrassment. My father, Charlie and the other occupants at the table kept their eyes on the couple on the dancefloor, except I could see Dad's eye occasionally peering at me out of the corner of his eye.

"It's on the other side," she motioned towards it, behind her, her head briefly turned from me, "he's been watching you all evening."

Instantly I felt my heart drop, too afraid to turn and look in that direction. If I did I felt like everything I had built myself would come crashing down, I was so afraid that the pull of the imprint would ruin everything I had in my hands right now. But I wanted to look at him, I wanted to see if he still smiled widely enough to see a full set of teeth. If he still looked at me in a way that I knew was reserved for me, and only me.

I looked up at Sue, an encouraging smile forming on her lips, her eyes creasing. She'd aged, but she looked happy, and I'd felt l missed out on it. She was trying to supportive, but I was so afraid of all the worst-case scenarios that were currently running through my head. I wished for Ava in that moment, she would have called me dramatic and squeezed my hand. I did what I imagined she would tell me to do, as Kim and Jared slow danced, I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a brief moment and counted to ten. Telling myself to be calm.

I raised my head, turning to the table that was diagonally across from me, on my left, and before I'd even fully found that familiar head of brown hair, my eyes found his. It was like being sixteen all over again, the first time he imprinted on me. The entire planets butterflies relocated to my stomach, and a lump formed in my throat as the entire room seemed to fade into silence. My breath caught and my heartbeat sped up, and all I wanted in that moment was for him to hold me. I tore my eyes away, forcing myself to not look again. I couldn't, screaming at myself. I was already falling back into old habits and it had been a few seconds of staring.

I'd forgotten how powerful the pull was, and I hated myself for it.

XXX

My Dad had convinced to me to head to the refreshments table to get more drinks on my own, and after two glasses of wine it didn't feel so daunting. As I weaved my way through the tables, the music boomed loudly and the lights dimmed. Kim and I locked eyes before I fully reached the dancefloor, and she sped up towards me, her eyes glazed over in what looked like tears as she reached for me. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, the sweet scent of her perfume filled my senses, and though I remained still for a few seconds I eventually returned the hug.

"You came." She said, a little breathlessly, as if she couldn't believe it. Though I almost hadn't. "Thank you. Thank you for this."

I knew she meant more than just thanks, she meant thank you for fighting against the urge to not come, for – almost – forgiving her, and Jared, for trying after ignoring all those phone calls and texts.

"I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I'd missed it." I answered honestly, and I felt Kim squeeze me a little at the response.

She let go, and we held each other at arms-length as we both took the other in.

"You look so beautiful," I said quietly, smiling widely, "Jared better not forget how fucking lucky he is."

"Wouldn't dream of it." He answered from behind her, a soft smile on his lips. "It's good to see you, Sil'."

It was so bizarre having him fall back into such an old habit so easily, as if the last time we'd seen each other hadn't been a catastrophe. It was like they had all been waiting for me to return, as if I'd simply just gone on vacation. Paul, Seth and Sam soon joined, then Embry and Quil followed after them, and the way they had enveloped me in hugs I hadn't actually agreed to had me thinking they knew I'd come to this all along. We stood there for a while them making comments that I would have been used to hearing four years ago, and me internally deciding whether to retort as I once would have, or if I should pull away. I didn't know if I was ready to forgive them, or Leah, and I sure as hell didn't know if I'd ever forgive Jacob. I guess, to them, it must have been a step in the direction of forgiveness that I'd turned up. Which it was, when I actually thought about it.

"You're at college now, right?"

I nodded at Jared's question, "Yeah, pre-med at Colombia, I'm thinking of becoming a paediatrician, though it'll depend on how my grades turn out."

"Your dad mentioned you were in New York. So, when're you moving back?"

I hesitated, unsure of how to answer, because as far as I knew I had no intention of moving back. How was I supposed to say that to them, though? With the look they were giving me, with the wide grin on Kim's lips, I couldn't just say that I never wanted to move back on her wedding day.

"I'm not sure, I'm just focused on passing at the moment."

I forced a smile onto my lips, ignoring the fact that Embry's face had fallen slightly. He always knew when I lied, but it was clear he planned on keeping his mouth shut for now. As the evening darkened, the fluorescent lights that illuminated the tent made Kim look even more ethereal than before, and it created the type of setting that I would have joked about being painfully clichéd before. To Jacob, instead, I tried to ignore the romantic setting as I made my excuses to leave, intent on getting back to my table and begging my Dad for us to go home.

This had felt like a mistake.

"Silver." I halted in my steps, my eyes connecting with Leah's, and then Emily's. The latter looked like she was holding back tears, a smile breaking on her lips, whereas Leah looked stricken, like the last time I had seen her.

They stood a few paces from me, both in pale pastel coloured dresses. Where Leah looked lithe and strong, Emily looked tiny, except for her bulging stomach. God, everything had fucking changed.

"Congratulations."

It was the first thing I could think of saying, the only thing I could think of saying. I didn't know where else to start, or how to approach a new line of topic.

"Nice to see you guys, even though the last time I saw you I'd just found out you'd been hiding the fact that the love of my life had hit me and broken my heart."

It seemed cruel, so ridiculously cruel, but the bitter part of me – the part that had considered them my best friends, the ones who I looked to for everything – wanted to make them feel every ounce of pain I still felt. I didn't know how to be around them anymore, and I realised in that moment that I couldn't just go back to our ways, I couldn't just fall back into old routines like I hadn't left. Everything had to start from scratch, and I wasn't sure how ready I was for that.

"Thank you," Emily said softly, though both her and Leah kept their distance, as if they knew what I was thinking, "It's- it's so great to see you Silver… I'm so happy you came."

"Me too." I said, and felt us descend into silence once more. I looked over to Leah, realising she hadn't looked at me yet, her eyes were trained on the floor.

"I hope you'll make visits more often now," Emily continued, forcing conversation as the silence between the three of us ate away, "It would be nice… if you could, that is."

"Maybe." I said quietly, "I'll try." And I meant it, I would try. I offered a smile as a relieved one took over her own features.

"If you do, please give me a call. I'd love to have you over again."

I nodded, unsure of what else to say. I made to walk away, unsure of whether anything else could said. Until Leah spoke.

"I know I have a lot to make up for, I know I hurt you. We all did. I'm sorry. I won't ever be able to forgive myself, and I don't expect you to either. But- but I hope we can start to … move on from this someday."

My eyes widened a little at her apology, although she still wasn't looking at me, her gaze still trained to floor. The mood of the entire party jarred the atmosphere between us, the laughter and singing the surrounded us made it an even more uncomfortable conversation. A conversation I hadn't realised I was so afraid of having until now. I was scared that if I reached for Leah, if I told her how much I had missed her, that I would break down. Instead, I made to walk around her, forcing a smile onto my lips and saying one more thing before I carried on.

"I hope so, too, Leah."

If I'd had supernatural hearing as good as hers, I probably would have heard her let out an audible sigh of relief. She'd been so still. A small part of me was pleased that she'd treaded so carefully, that both her and Emily still knew me enough to know that I wouldn't be okay.

I carried on walking, hoping that this time I could reach dad and tell him I was ready to leave.

I could feel him before I could see him. It had always been that way, before he had even imprinted on me, and my breath caught once more. He was walking towards me, and I found myself unable to move as I stood, and waited like the teenage girl I had been all those years ago. Expecting to be swept of my feet. I fucking hated this imprint.

Not a single thing about him had changed, though that was obviously because you never aged while you were still phasing as a wolf. Up close, he looked just as beautiful as the last day I saw him, just as I'd left him. When he reached me, he was a mere few inches away, still so careless about the space I needed.

He didn't touch me, didn't dare even breath heavily enough for it to kiss my skin. He stood there and stared, he stared for so long I wondered if we'd remain this way until the end of the night. He towered over me, and I couldn't do anything but look up at him, and into his eyes, the music that had once been so loud faded away again. It was always like this, our eyes zeroing on each other, like nothing else mattered. He took me in, as if trying to savour every single detail about me, reacquainting himself.

"Your hair grew." He said softly, distractedly.

He wanted to reach out and touch me, I could feel it. And part of me wanted him to, badly. I couldn't do anything but nod, afraid of speaking.

He pressed his lips together, blinking as if to bring himself back to reality. He shook his head, focusing properly. He smiled. Genuine, and happy and so incredibly Jacob Black sort of smile. I half returned it, offering my own small one.

"Can I- would you… would you dance with me?"

My stomach dropped in a way that I didn't want it to, and fear enveloped me. I started shaking my head, ready to say no, ready to tell him to not ruin this silent moment.

"I don't expect anything. I swear. Just- just two friends, dancing at their old friend's wedding. I expect nothing. I promise I don't."

A slow song was on, one that would require being touched by him, and my mind was screaming at myself to say no. To not get pulled into it. I bit on my lip. It was too intimate, too close to him for me to bear.

"I can't," I said softly, shaking my head as I watched his face fall, "I'm not ready."

He nodded, and it surprised me, because I had expected begging. I was prepared for him forcibly grabbing onto me, to beg me to try. To do all the things he used to do without taking into account how I felt. Except he didn't, apart from that hopeful fading away, he straightened up. He plastered his old smile on his face, and looked at me that wasn't intense or made me want to cry, he looked like the old Jacob. Carefree.

"I understand, but I'm glad you're here. I hoped you'd come."

"I almost didn't." I said, realising it should have been something I kept to myself.

"I guessed as much," he said quietly, and the sort of affectionate smile he held on his face was one that was so endearing that I wanted to reach out and touch him. To grab onto his pressed plain button up ship and bury my head in his shoulder. But I didn't. "Your fear of hurting someone's feelings was always one of my favourite thing about you."

I said nothing, because I was unsure of what to respond with to that. He sensed it, knew that it made me uncomfortable, the flicker of frustration at himself burned in his eyes. He tried to change to subject.

"How long are you here for?"

"Just two days," I said quietly, though I knew he could hear me clearly, "I have to go back for finals."

He nodded, and before he spoke he took a deep breath.

"Well… if you can, maybe we could go for some coffee tomorrow? I don't know if you drink coffee now, but we could just sit and …. catch up."

I was hesitant in answering, unsure if even that was a push for me, if I really was ready for this.

"Please, Silver? I'd like to get to know you again."

I could have spent an eternity debating on answering, on berating myself for saying, but I knew something like this was coming. Why else would I have turned up here if I wasn't ready to try and build bridges?

"Only if it's somewhere busy, and-"

"Public?" He finished for me. "Common ground, I get it. I swear on my life, Silver. It's just to see how you are. I won't try anything. And if you're not ready, then you can stand me up."

My mouth was slightly open at how well he seemed to be able to read me, to know what I had been thinking before I had even uttered the words out loud. This supposed new Jacob was… strange. Unfamiliar, but he was so willing to try, and to change, and I knew that I would always question if I'd made a mistake not seeing if it was real. So, against every sane part of me screaming, I nodded.

"I'd like to get to you know you, too."

Tadaaaaaaaa! So I finally got around top the bonus chapter. I'm sorry it took so long, but it took a while for me to figure out whether there was a type of time skim that felt true to the story. And to Silver.

It may not be the 'happy ending' people were hoping for, but I felt it was the best possible outcome of the story. If they ever do fix things, I felt this was the most true I could be to the story. And to Silver and Jacob, because I didn't want to be a super happy ending, but at least end on a hopeful note.

Thanks so much for sticking with me on this story despite it taking YEARS to finish, which is mental. Maybe I'll return to it with a sequel, I'm not sure yet.