A/N
Hello peeps.
To the Guest that mentioned seeing text messages - I really liked the idea, hope you don't mind me using it :)
Chapter updates will probably now move to once per week as work gets busier, see how I go.
Cheers.
Chapter 18
It was almost 2 am and Alex couldn't sleep. She ended up spending a while talking to Julie about what it was like growing up with Diane, it was nice. But now Alex was alone in an unfamiliar room, lying in a bed on her own.
Alex reached over to the bedside table and grabbed her phone. Piper had asked her to open up more, and she was determined to try. She hated admitting that she needed help, but she missed the blonde, she needed to talk to her. She opened her text messages and started typing.
A: [Hey Pipes, you awake?]
P: [Yeah, I can't sleep, sounds like you can't either?]
A: [No...]
P: [How is it at Julie's house?]
A: [It's fine. But I miss Sally, and you. Why are you still awake?]
P: [I miss you too. I'm actually staying with Sally tonight. You forgot to pack some of your things]
A: [Are you already stealing my stuff!?]
P: [Yes! I'm actually wearing your pyjamas right now]
A: [I'll let you borrow them, but just for tonight :)]
Alex loved the idea of Piper going to bed in her pyjamas, it made her want the blonde back even more. Alex couldn't wait for Piper to respond. She had so much she wanted to say.
A: [I'm so sorry I hurt you Piper. I want to make it up to you more than anything. I miss you all the time. I still love you, a lot]
P: [Just keep talking to me, that's what I want from you]
A: [What if I call you tomorrow?]
P: [That'd be perfect]
A: [Just don't stand me up! Goodnight Pipes, I love you]
P: [I love you too Al, goodnight xoxo]
0-0-0-0-0
Alex managed to get a few hours sleep, but not much. She kept imagining Piper's voice running through her head while she lay there with her eyes closed. It helped her escape to somewhere else, she could almost pretend she was lying on the lounge room floor with the blonde next to her.
It was almost 10 am when Julie knocked on her door.
"Alex, you wanna come out for some breakfast?"
Alex would've ordinarily said no, but she wanted to make an effort. She got out of bed and made her way to the kitchen, still in her pyjamas.
She sat across the kitchen table from Julie, she'd made scrambled eggs and bacon. Alex was focused on her orange juice when Julie kick started the conversation.
"So who's this Piper girl that's always with you and Sally."
Alex looked up, preparing herself for the possibility of unpleasant words from her aunt.
"She's Sally's best friend, and my girlfriend."
She saw Julie's eyes widen.
"Aren't you a little young for a girlfriend?"
"No. You know we can't get each other pregnant, right?"
Alex was surprised when she heard a small laugh from across the table.
"You always were a little smart ass."
They ate the rest of their breakfast in silence. Alex was already feeling tired again, and dreading the idea of going back to school in a couple of days. She wasn't ready to face that yet, especially with the case against Sam Healy hanging in the balance. He was in a psychiatric hospital, and they were no closer to knowing what would happen.
Alex and Julie hadn't spoken about what happened with Sam since the last time they saw each other in the hospital. That last confrontation with Sam was what started all of this, it was the final straw for Julie insisting that Alex move in with her. Alex had no desire to talk about Sam ever again, part of her was glad that things had stalled with the police, it meant she didn't have to deal with it or think about it.
"How do you feel about going back to school?"
Alex shrugged, she was not in the mood for a serious discussion.
"Fine."
"Even after what happened with Sam Healy?"
"Yep."
Alex was starting to feel anxious. This was the part of Julie that annoyed her most. She didn't want to talk to her about what happened with Sam, it wasn't something Julie had taken any notice of until Alex ended up in the hospital.
"Don't shut me out Alex, I need to know how you're feeling."
Alex closed her eyes and reminded herself to keep breathing.
"No, you don't."
"I'm trying to help you Alex. The situation with Sam Healy got completely out of control, I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen again."
Alex had told herself she wouldn't start any fights with Julie, but right now she felt like her aunt was insinuating that Sally hadn't looked after her properly.
"And that's exactly what Sally did for the last two years, without your help! Besides, he's in a fucking padded cell now, he can't touch me anymore."
"Enough with all the swearing okay! You're 16 years old, it's time you started acting like it. And I know Sally did everything she could to look after you, but she's still a kid too, and she had no control over that situation."
Alex stood up so fast that her seat crashed to the floor, self control never was her forte.
"She had more control over the situation than anyone else ever did! And she hasn't been a kid for the last 2 years! She looks after me, she goes to school, she fucking works, and she never complains. We stopped being kids after mum died, and you disappeared."
Julie slammed her hands onto the kitchen table, this isn't how she wanted her second day of taking care of Alex to go.
"Would you just stop for one second! I know I wasn't always there, I know I'm not perfect. But I'm trying Alex. Why are you so determined to give me a hard time?"
"Because you treat Sally like shit! You make her feel like a failure!"
Julie was ready to snap. She had no idea how her sister ever managed to control two girls like Sally and Alex.
"Do you really want to know why I'm hard on her? Because every time I look at you two, all I can see is me and your mum!"
Alex didn't know how to react, so she waited for Julie to keep talking.
"Both of you have so much of Diane in you, and it scares me. She was stubborn, she made bad choices, and that meant she had to grow up fast. I know how much she loved you girls, she never regretted any of those decisions. But I want your lives to be easier."
"Then you should've fucking been there for us after she died."
This was the first time Alex had seen her aunt look so emotional. For a moment Alex thought she'd cry, but she managed to hold it together. But she couldn't hide the quiver in her voice.
"I know. I was never strong like your mum Alex. Look, I need to get to work, I'll see you tonight."
Julie quickly pushed in her chair and grabbed her things, she needed to get out of that house, she needed time to think.
0-0-0-0-0
Alex lay on the couch for most of the afternoon while Julie was at work. The older woman confused her so much, she didn't know whether to hate her or feel sorry for her.
She dug a couple of old joints out of her jeans pocket and lit one up. She didn't really care about being caught by Julie, all she wanted was a chance to relax.
A few hours had passed by and Alex remembered her promise, she was meant to call Piper today. Alex impatiently pulled her phone from underneath her on the couch, nearly dropping it in the process. It took a few rings, but the blonde finally answered. Alex was relieved, Piper's voice sounded so light, it automatically made her feel better.
"Hey Al."
"Hey Pipes, is now a good time to talk?"
"Yeah, I just got home, my grandma is coming over for dinner tonight."
As soon as Alex heard those words, her mind immediately took her back to Thanksgiving at Piper's house. Her grandmother had been so nice, and she had been so supportive of their relationship. But Alex was pretty sure Celeste wouldn't be so supportive if she knew Alex had kissed someone else.
Alex was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of Piper's voice echoing in her ear.
"How did you sleep last night?"
"Not great. I...I just kept thinking about you. I got so used to having you next to me at night, it still doesn't feel right."
Piper wasn't expecting Alex to be so open, she didn't know how to respond. She knew how much Alex struggled to be honest about her feelings, so the blonde decided to do the same.
"I know...I've been thinking about you too at night."
The line went silent for a while. Alex was so tired, she was desperate for a decent sleep, but she didn't know how to get that without Piper.
Piper was the first one to break the silence, "What are you doing?"
"Lying on the couch, Julie's at work. I managed to already piss her off this morning."
Piper laughed, "Why am I not surprised."
Alex smiled, but the more she heard Piper's voice, the more she wished the blonde was next to her.
"I promise to at least wait another day before I piss her off again."
Piper smiled into the phone, but she worried about Alex not sleeping. She knew that eventually, it would only lead to bad things.
"You sound exhausted Al."
"I'll be fine Pipes, I'll sleep eventually."
Piper knew exactly what that meant. It meant that Alex would end up hardly sleeping for days until she collapsed from exhaustion. She didn't want that to happen.
"What if you try and fall asleep while we're talking?"
"That seems kinda rude, even for me."
"You know what I mean asshole." Piper smiled again, but she was completely serious.
Alex picked her next words very carefully, she needed to let go.
"Okay, I'll give it a try."
Piper stayed on the phone with Alex for another 15 minutes, until the brunette stopped talking. Piper could hear her steady breaths coming through the phone line and closed her eyes for a moment. She eventually hung up the phone and lay back on her bed, relieved that Alex was finally getting some sleep.
0-0-0-0-0
Julie walked into the house after she'd finished her afternoon shift working at the pharmacy, it was almost 6 pm. She was tired, and couldn't stop thinking about her fight with Alex all day. That was exactly why she'd been so absent from their lives, it always ended in a fight. But that was how she'd been raised, you did what you were told and that was it, there was no ongoing discussion. But her nieces had always voiced their opinions, she wasn't used to it. Julie felt like she'd slowly turned into her father, the man that wouldn't let Diane moved back into the house even after Sally and Alex were born. She'd always thought her father was being too harsh, but she never said anything to him about it. Maybe things would've turned out differently if she'd had the courage to speak out.
Julie found Alex asleep on the couch, with her phone sitting on the floor. She took a deep breath before she woke up the younger girl, she needed to try again.
"Alex, what do you feel like for dinner?"
Alex groaned and looked up to see Julie standing over her, she felt like closing her eyes again, she wanted to keep sleeping.
"I'm not hungry."
"You need to eat dinner, you can't live off coffee and toast."
Alex knew she should cut Julie some slack, especially since she agreed to move in with her, but she was still annoyed about their fight over breakfast.
"Are you worried that I'll end up like mum if I don't eat dinner with you?"
"Alex..."
Julie wanted to yell, but she didn't. She kept reminding herself that this was Diane's kid, and she had a lot to make up for.
"I'm trying Alex."
"I know, but I'm not done being pissed at you. I don't know how to forgive you, for any of it."
Alex was sitting up on the couch, giving Julie room to sit next to her. Julie didn't blamer her niece for being upset, she was only just starting to realise the impact her absence actually had on not only Diane, but also Sally and Alex.
"I get that, and there's nothing I can do about it. I tried to explain it to you, but it's really complicated. I bailed on your mum, I wasn't there for you or your sister. I made so many mistakes, but I can't fix any of that."
Alex was sick of hearing the same thing from Julie over and over again. Fine, Julie had fucked up in the past, but Alex wanted her to make more of an effort in the future.
"I want you to fix it by not treating Sally like shit anymore. You make her feel like a complete failure, and you have no right to do that. And I want you to stop acting like mum never even fucking existed."
"Okay, I'll try."
Alex wasn't sure if she believed her, but she needed to give Julie another chance.
0-0-0-0-0
Piper sat in the backyard reading a book while she waited for her grandmother to arrive for dinner. She was relieved that Carol hadn't asked her why she was home so much more at the moment, she didn't want to talk to her about Alex. The only one in her family that knew anything was Cal. She hadn't given him the details, only telling him that she'd had a fight with Alex and they were taking some time apart. He actually looked disappointed when she told him, it reminded her that at least some people in her family did care.
"Damn Pipes, that really sucks. Alex is awesome, I'm sure you guys will work it out."
Piper was so lost in her book that she didn't even hear her mother calling her and Cal to the dinner table. Piper slowly walked back inside, wondering if Alex was still asleep. She wasn't sure where her mother was, but Celeste was in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea. Piper felt guilty for not speaking to her grandmother much lately, it was mainly because she knew the older woman would ask about Alex.
Piper tried to clear her mind as she hugged Celeste, "Hi grandma."
"It's so good to see you Piper."
Piper pulled back from the hug and saw the serious look on her grandmother's face.
"Your mother told me what happened to Alex before Christmas, I'm so sorry sweetie."
That was just like Celeste, she didn't question Piper on why she hadn't called her, all she did was offer up her concern and love. Even though Carol had dealt much better with the situation than Piper had expected, she still didn't offer any of those things to her daughter. Piper felt herself getting emotional, and Celeste led her into the study so they could be alone.
"Talk to me sweetie."
Piper didn't realise how badly she needed to talk to someone, not until she heard those words. She didn't try to stop the tears anymore, she needed this release.
"He really hurt her grandma."
Piper let Celeste wrap her up in another hug as she kept crying and her voice cracked.
"How's she doing now?"
"She's fine, I don't know how but she always finds a way."
Piper tried to focus on the feeling of Celeste rubbing her back, it was more comfort that she'd ever received from Carol.
"She's a strong girl, and I'm sure you've been looking after her. Your mother told me the boy responsible is in custody, he can't hurt anyone anymore."
Those words just made Piper squeeze Celeste even tighter. It had been over two weeks since she'd walked away from Alex, and she missed her. She couldn't even bring herself to think about Sam Healy, she didn't want to deal with the legal process, she just wanted him to be gone.
Celeste pulled Piper back so she could see her face, "How are you feeling Piper?"
Piper dried her eyes and tried to pull it together, "I'm okay, things have just been tough with Alex."
"I know sweetie. But I want you to talk to me when things are tough, that's what I'm here for."
"Thanks grandma."
"What about your mother? Is she still giving you a hard time about Alex?"
Even though Carol hadn't exactly been a loving mother, she hadn't said much about Alex at all.
"No, no she's been okay."
"That's good. I think the whole situation with this boy scared her, maybe it forced her to see a different side of Alex."
"I hope so."
"Bring her to my place for lunch when she's up to it, I'd love to see more of you girls."
Piper nodded and smiled at the older woman. Part of her wanted to pick up the phone right now and tell Alex, but then there was the other part, the part that still didn't know if she could trust the brunette again.
0-0-0-0-0
School had finally started again, which was a relief for Alex. It was the first time she was happy to be going back to that place. She didn't have to worry about Sam Healy anymore, but most of all it was a distraction from the constant flow of memories. There was always a date, or people, there was always something that reminded her of Diane, and her separation from Piper.
But at least she'd get to see Piper that morning, there was still one more meeting Caputo wanted to have with all of them to close out his involvement with the Sam Healy situation. It would be Julie, Sally, Alex, and Piper and her mother all crammed into the small, stale office. Everyone got there on time, and they were all sitting next to each other, none of them particularly happy to be there.
Alex was sitting at one end of the row of seats, with Piper next to her. She gave the blonde a smile as soon as she sat down, she was relieved to see her smile back.
Alex couldn't concentrate on anything Caputo was saying, she'd heard it all before anyway. He kept apologising for what happened with Sam Healy, insisting that everyone would be kept safe, and he'd keep them all up to date with any progressions with the case. But it did seem that any legal process was a long way off.
"As you're probably already aware, Sam was transferred from the prison into a specialised psychiatric facility. The doctors are still assessing whether he'll be able to stand trial, so it looks like it will be a long process. But I will personally keep you all updated with any new information I receive."
Alex was sick of listening to this man suck up to everyone after he ignored all of their complaints for so long, she was glad when they were finally able to leave his office. It felt awkward for a moment while they all stood in the hallway, until Julie extended a hand to Carol.
"We haven't formally met, I'm Julie, Alex and Sally's aunt."
Carol did the courteous thing and shook Julie's hand, but she had a strange look on her face.
"Good to meet you Julie. I'm surprised we haven't crossed paths before."
Julie's eyes went wide, she had no idea how to respond, "Well, I keep pretty busy."
Julie turned away from Carol to say her goodbyes to Sally and Alex, she was desperate to get out of that school.
Carol took that as her chance to say goodbye to Piper before she had to make a phone call.
Julie walked down the hallway, not sure how to feel. She turned around to see if Carol was following her, but she saw something else instead. It was Sally wrapping Alex in a big hug, it stirred up so many emotions inside her, emotions that she'd ignored for so many years. It made her think about how she'd treated Sally, how close Alex and Sally were, but also her relationship with Diane. For the first time, she let herself feel like maybe she missed out on something.
0-0-0-0-0
Alex let herself slip into Sally's hug. She spoke to her older sister everyday, but they hadn't seen much of each other since Alex moved in with Julie.
"How's it going kid?"
Alex leaned her head against Sally's chest, "Okay I guess."
"That didn't sound convincing."
Alex laughed, things actually weren't that bad with Julie, she was just exhausted.
"I'm just tired Sal."
Piper stood back and watched the two sisters together. She'd been spending a lot of time with Sally and John, but she still missed Alex. Sally had to go to make it to her next class, leaving Piper and Alex standing alone together. Piper had a free period, and she was in no rush to leave Alex behind.
"Are things actually okay with Julie?"
"I promise Pipes, it's fine. I still piss her off at least once per day, but she's getting used to it."
The two girls laughed and started walking down the hallway. Piper kept looking to the side so she could keep Alex in her view. She found herself paying so much more attention to the way the brunette looked, her hair, her clothes. Alex looked very casual today, wearing her favourite pair of old converse, ripped jeans and a black v-neck. Her long dark hair fell haphazardly around her shoulders, and she kept adjusting her black glasses. The bruises on her face were almost completely gone, but Piper could still see the faintest of purple marks, as well as the scar from where the doctors had set her cheek fracture.
Piper also noticed their arms and hands swaying as they kept walking, almost touching. Piper reached out and grabbed Alex's hand without thinking, she needed to remember what it felt like. She saw Alex give her a sideways glance, but the brunette held onto her hand and linked their fingers together.
They kept walking in silence until Alex worked up the courage to speak.
"What are you doing tonight?"
Piper felt her heart beating in her chest. For the first time in so long, she felt nervous around the brunette.
"Ummm, nothing really, I'll probably just end up hanging out with Sally. Assuming she doesn't ditch me for John."
Piper looked across to see Alex smiling, "How about I get Julie to drop me off at the apartment. Maybe we could hang out?"
"Yeah, that'd be nice. Maybe we could do pizza and a movie?"
"Sounds perfect."
They kept walking, fingers interlocked, until they got to Alex's classroom. Piper stood still as the brunette turned to face her.
"I'll see you tonight Pipes."
Alex leaned in, but Piper didn't stop her. The blonde closed her eyes and waited until she felt Alex's lips brush against her own. She'd forgotten how soft Alex's kisses could be, and she kissed her back.
The kiss ended and the two girls stood there, with Piper leaning her forehead against Alex's. The brunette eventually pulled back and walked into class, but Piper kept standing there. She couldn't wait for the day to be over, she couldn't wait to spend the night with Alex.