A/N
Hey folks, thanks for your patience with this chapter. I feel this story is probably approaching its natural end. Maybe we'll end up with 25ish chapters? See how we go. Right now, it's all about how Nicky deals, and the re-connection between Piper and Alex.
Chapter 20
Nicky was home alone, and as usual, she had no idea where her parents were. She'd stopped bothering to ask a while ago, she just learned to accept that her parents weren't overly concerned about being involved in her life. It had been almost a week since Alex told her they needed to spend some time apart, and she'd felt awkward ever since. But not only awkward, she felt miserable. Sure, she had other friends, but none of them made her feel the way Alex did.
The whole situation completely sapped Nicky of her energy, she couldn't be bothered dealing with other people, all she wanted was to be alone. But after a few days, being alone wasn't enough anymore, she needed something else to numb her mind. No amount of weed or alcohol was helping anymore, she needed something else. She'd dabbled with other drugs in the past, but never much. At least she knew where to go if she wanted anything.
Nicky had already made pick up arrangements by the time the school week had ended, no way was she going through the whole weekend feeling like shit. Now here she was, still alone, sitting in her bedroom, with a needle prepared and ready to use. She'd never injected drugs before, but she figured there was no time like the present. Some of her friends from other schools had done it, they made sure she knew what she was doing. She slid down her bed until she was sitting on the floor, she needed a moment to prepare herself for what she was about to do.
"Just fucking do it, you pussy!"
After a few moments of mentally berating herself, Nicky picked up the needle, and didn't look back.
0-0-0-0-0
Alex had spent all week staying with Sally, she hadn't heard from Julie at all. She'd managed to convince Sally to not pick her stuff up yet. Even though it was a relief to be back living with Sally, Alex didn't want Julie to feel like she'd just go running back to her sister anytime things got rough. But by the time Friday night came, Sally was keen to get it over and done with.
"Come on Lex, we can go get your stuff tonight. You don't need to feel bad, she'll understand."
Alex sat in the back seat of Piper's car, while Sally sat in the front. The school week was over, and Piper was driving them back to the Vause apartment. Alex didn't want to move back in with Julie, but she also couldn't be bothered dealing with any confrontations with her aunt.
Sally turned around so she could see her sister sitting in the back seat.
"What are you afraid of kid?"
Alex shook her head, "I'm not afraid, I'm just tired of the situation."
"I know, but most of your stuff is still at her place."
"I get it..."
Sally kept looking at the younger girl, "I don't wanna make you do anything you're not comfortable with. But I do want you to stay with me."
"Sal, you know I don't wanna move back in with her."
"Then can we please go get your stuff tonight?"
"Yeah, I guess..."
0-0-0-0-0
Alex flopped onto her the bed as soon as they got to the apartment, with Piper following closely behind her. Even with everything that was going on with Julie, Alex felt so good knowing that Piper was willing to give them another chance. The blonde had made it clear she wanted to take things slowly, and Alex respected that, even if she found it insanely difficult to keep her hands to herself. Alex knew she needed to keep her focus on rebuilding trust, no matter what.
Piper lay down on the bed next to Alex, "I'm so fricking happy it's the weekend. Mid years are around the corner, I'm already stressing myself out over it."
Alex rolled over so she was facing the other girl, "I bet you're one of those girls that always thinks they're gonna fail everything, then they totally ace it all without even trying."
Piper hit Alex lightly in the arm and snuggled in closer to the brunette, "Shut-up."
Alex smiled and pulled Piper even closer to her, closing her eyes. She assumed Sally was on the phone to Julie, and she didn't want to think about it. The two girls stayed wrapped up in each other on the bed, until Sally walked in.
"Are you okay to go pick up your stuff now?"
But Alex ignored the question, "Was that Julie on the phone?"
"Yeah..."
"What did she say?"
Sally walked into the room and sat on the bed next to the other two girls.
"She said she's home and we can go there now to get your stuff."
"Okay, just give me a minute."
Sally gave her sister a smile and left the room, she knew there was no rushing the younger girl. Sally knew Alex just needed time to think.
Piper wrapped her arms back around Alex as soon as Sally shut the door behind her. She didn't fully understand why Alex was so torn up about leaving Julie's place, but she wanted to try and understand.
"Talk to me Al."
Alex rolled over and buried her face in Piper's chest, she had to keep reminding herself to be more open with her feelings.
"I know Sal doesn't like her, but she's not all bad, she's had a pretty shitty life. Besides, she's still the only reason we got to stay together after mum died. And I know Julie misses mum, even if she doesn't show it much. Their relationship just got so fucked up..."
As soon as Alex let herself talk openly about her feelings towards Julie, she couldn't stop. She needed to get it all out.
"It sounds like their dad was a total jerk, but I never knew him. He wouldn't let mum back in the house after she got pregnant, what was Julie meant to do? Then they grew apart, but now I think Julie feels guilty about all of it. Fuck, she tries, but she doesn't know what the hell she's doing. Her parents treated her and my mum like crap, and that's all she's known her whole life. No wonder she can't deal with me and Sal. And she'll never understand the decisions my mum made, but that doesn't mean they didn't love each other."
Alex finally stopped and took a deep breath, "Sorry Pipes, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore."
Piper pulled Alex in closer and kissed the top of her head, "I know what you're saying Al, things aren't always black and white. My family isn't exactly stable either, life gets messy sometimes."
Alex closed her eyes and tried to focus on the feeling of Piper's arms around her. It was one of the few things in this world that kept her grounded.
0-0-0-0-0
Piper and Sally were waiting in the car for Alex, and Piper decided she needed to make sure Sally understood how emotional this situation was for the younger girl.
"Don't get frustrated if Alex gets upset about all this. I think she just feels bad for Julie in general, it's not easy for her."
Sally sighed, "I know...I just don't have a lot of patience when it comes to Julie. Maybe I'm not quite so forgiving as Alex is."
"It's not about that Sal, you know she just looks at things differently. And honestly, I think she sees Julie as another connection to your mum, that's it."
"I know you're probably right. But Pipes..."
Piper knew exactly what her friend was about to say, "I know all you want to do is look after her."
Sally gave the blonde a wry smile. She knew she didn't always react well if there was any chance Alex was in trouble, but she honestly didn't think she could ever change that. It wasn't just because she was her sister, it was because of a promise she made to Diane, a promise she was never willing to break.
0-0-0-0-0
It was an hour later and Piper had driven them to Julie's house. She knew that this was going to be awkward, she just hoped there wouldn't be any fighting.
All three girls walked to the front door together, and Alex rang the bell. It took a few moments but Julie finally answered the door and let them into the house. Alex watched the older woman closely, she looked exhausted.
"I packed your things for you Alex, it's all in your room."
Alex said a quiet thank you and left Sally and Piper standing with Julie in the kitchen.
Julie eventually broke the silence, "I'm not a bad person Sally."
Piper grabbed onto Sally's arm without even realising it, she didn't want her friend to start a fight.
"Yeah, I know."
"I know how close you girls were with your mum, and I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you. But I need you to know that I am trying."
Piper could feel Sally's body tense up, so she ran her hand up and down her arm, she needed her to stay calm.
"I know you're trying. But I'm trying too, so I need you to stop putting me down and making me feel like shit."
Julie took a step towards her niece, "I know, I had no right to say those things. I know how much you love your sister."
Piper could see the glassy look in Sally's eyes as she kept talking.
"I promised mum that I would always look after Alex, that I'd always make sure she was okay."
Julie took another step closer, she let Sally keep talking. She knew what the younger girl was going to say.
"That night at the hospital, when she died, we both made that promise. Please don't break it...please don't let her end up in foster care. You have to believe that we're doing okay together, you don't need to split us up."
Julie took the last few steps towards her niece and very cautiously put her arms around her. Piper let go of Sally's arm and was relieved to see the two women hug.
0-0-0-0-0
Piper, Alex and Sally were home later that night, but none of them knew how to feel after leaving Julie alone at her house. Sally had driven them home, with Piper and Alex in the back seat. Piper held onto the younger girls hand.
"How are you feeling?"
Alex looked down at their hands linked together, "Honestly, I'm kinda relieved. But In think maybe we need to try harder with Julie, I think she's really broken."
Piper brought Alex's hand to her face and gently kissed the back of her fingers. She was hoping that their lives would start to get easier, she wanted a proper chance to reconnect with Alex.
0-0-0-0-0
Sally got into the shower as soon as they were back in the apartment, and Alex walked into the bedroom.
Piper followed Alex through the apartment, she needed to make sure she was okay. There was so much going on at the moment, and she needed to know that the younger girl was coping. But as soon as Piper walked into the room, Alex approached her and shut the bedroom door.
Alex knew they were meant to be taking it slow, but she needed to kiss the blonde, she needed to touch her, even if it was just for a moment. Alex gently pressed Piper up against the bedroom door and kissed her softly, running her tongue over the blondes bottom lip, almost asking for permission. Piper couldn't stop the small moan from slipping through her lips, it felt like forever since Alex had touched her like this.
Alex took Pipers reaction as a positive, and kept going. The brunette couldn't stifle her own moan as she deepened the kiss, and brought her hand up so she could touch Piper's cheek.
"I missed kissing you so much."
Alex searched Piper's blue eyes for any sign that the blonde wanted her to stop, but all she saw was want.
"I love you Piper, so fucking much."
Piper was losing her will power, and wrapped her arms around the younger girls neck. She threw her head back as she felt Alex kissing along her jawline and her neck. Then she felt Alex run a hand down her body. It felt so good, but Piper knew she needed to stop things from going further.
She reached down and grabbed Alex's hand, "No, I'm not ready for that."
Piper wasn't sure how Alex would react. The brunette was breathing heavily, and Piper knew how badly Alex wanted to touch her. She was also worried about Alex using sex as a way to ignore her other emotions. But Alex moved her hand back up Piper's body, eventually resting it on her shoulder.
Alex tried to slow down her breathing as she leaned her forehead against Piper's.
"I'm sorry Piper, I know you want to take it slow. I don't wanna do anything you're not ready for..."
Piper gently rubbed Alex's back, but she was surprised by what the brunette said next.
"I know I have a lot of making up to do. I know I don't deserve you..."
Piper kissed Alex one last time, she didn't want her girlfriend thinking she wasn't good enough, that's not what this was about.
"I'll let you know when I'm ready. But that doesn't mean I want you to stop kissing me, and touching me. Understand?"
Alex nodded and gave Piper a quick peck on the lips. She didn't care how long she had to wait, all she wanted was to earn back Piper's trust.
0-0-0-0-0
Piper and Alex slept in the bedroom that night, Sally had already fallen asleep on the couch as soon as she got out of the shower, even though it was still early.
Piper was standing in front of the small chest of drawers in the room, trying to decide what to wear to bed. But she soon felt Alex's arms slip around her waist and pull her in close.
Piper felt the warm breath on the back of her neck and tangled her fingers with Alex's.
"Since when does it take you so long to pick pyjamas?"
Piper couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face when Alex nuzzled her face into her neck.
"Please come to bed Pipes, I can't sleep without you."
0-0-0-0-0
Alex felt so good as she and Piper slipped back into old habits. Going to school together every morning and lying next to each other every night, she missed the familiarity of it all.
But even though things were getting better with Piper, Alex noticed the way Nicky kept pulling away from. Even though Alex, Nicky and Carrie still sat together during every lunch break at school, it wasn't the same. Three weeks had gone by since Alex told Nicky that she needed to focus on Piper, and now she was really worried. Nicky hadn't been at school in three days, and she wasn't answering any of Alex's texts or phone calls.
Alex sat with Carrie on their lunch break, and neither of them knew where the hell Nicky was.
"I get that she's angry at me, but what the hell was I meant to do? Fuck, I'm screwed no matter what I do here."
Carrie actually felt sorry for Alex, "Look, there's nothing else you could've done Vause, and it's not like you totally cut Nicky off. If it makes you feel any better, she's not answering my calls either. Maybe she just wants to be left alone for a while, clear her head or something."
Their lunch break ended and the girls headed back to class, but Alex didn't feel right. She found Piper standing at her locker, she needed to talk to her. Piper kissed Alex as soon as she saw her, but she could see the worry all over her girlfriend's face.
"Everything okay?"
"I'm worried about Nicky."
"What's going on?"
Alex wanted to be honest with Piper, she needed to find Nicky, but she wasn't willing to do it behind Piper's back.
"I haven't seen her all week, she's not responding to anyone's calls, that's not normal. I need to find her."
Piper kept her focus on Alex's face, "Okay..."
This would be the real test for Piper, she needed to trust Alex, and it made her nervous.
"I promise Pipes, you can trust me. I'm just worried about her, it's not normal for her to ignore people for this long. And her parents are fucking useless, they wouldn't even notice if something was wrong with her."
Piper knew Nicky was upset about Alex spending less time with her, she knew it was completely normal for Alex to be worried about her, to want to find her. No matter how much Piper tried to rationalise everything in her mind, she still didn't want Alex to be alone with Nicky. The blonde could feel the jealousy building in the back of her throat every time she thought about Alex being alone with Nicky. She'd never had to deal with feeling this jealous before, she'd never cared about someone as much as she cared about Alex. She'd never had so much to lose.
"It's okay Al, she's still your friend. I don't want to stop you from finding her if you're worried."
Even though Piper wanted to believe that she could trust Alex, she definitely didn't trust Nicky.
"I'm gonna leave school early, me and Carrie are gonna go to Nicky's house, see if she's there. I just wanna talk to her Pipes, that's it. I want to make sure she's okay, then I'll come back home."
Piper nodded in agreement and kissed Alex goodbye. She stayed by her locker and watched her girlfriend meet up with Carrie down the hallway, she already felt nervous about what would happen.
0-0-0-0-0
Alex jumped into Carrie's car and they sped off towards Nicky's house.
"So do we actually have a plan here Vause? How are we meant to get into the house if her parents aren't home? Because I'm pretty sure she won't willingly let us in."
"I have a key."
Carrie spun her head towards the passenger seat, "How the fuck do you have a key!"
"I don't know, she gave me a key ages ago. So if her parents aren't home, which you can pretty much guarantee, we can still get into the house."
They drove in silence for a while, but Alex couldn't stand it, she needed to keep her mind occupied.
"What do you think she's been doing all week?"
Carrie shrugged her shoulders, "Sleeping, fucking, drinking, I have no idea. She hasn't said much to me, just that she took it hard when you spoke to her about Piper."
"Do you think she'll forgive me?"
"Who? Nicky? She can't blame you for getting a girlfriend Alex."
Alex didn't want to talk anymore, and they stayed quiet for the rest of the drive.
0-0-0-0-0
Alex felt nervous as soon as they got to Nicky's house. She'd felt nervous all day, but not like this, this was pure anxiety. Alex pulled the key from her pocket and opened the front door, the place looked empty. The two girls walked through the house, automatically heading towards Nicky's bedroom.
They stood in front of Nicky's bedroom door for a few moments, Alex was almost too scared to open it. Her mind kept going to the worst case scenario, she wasn't just worried anymore, she was scared.
Carrie reached across and opened the bedroom door, and she put a hand on Alex's shoulder.
The smell of stale smoke hit them both as soon as they walked in, and they saw Nicky sitting on the floor next to her bed. But she didn't even seem to acknowledge their presence, she kept staring at the floor.
Alex walked into the room and sat next to Nicky on the floor, while Carrie looked around the room.
"Hey Nick, we haven't seen you all week, we were worried."
Alex kept looking at her friend, she was wearing jeans that had mud all over the knees and an old t-shirt that was covered in black smudges, probably from smoking so much.
Nicky turned to look at her friend, but she didn't say much, "Well, here I am..."
She knew her friends would come looking for her eventually, but she tried to pretend that wouldn't happen. She wanted to stay in this perfect little space, a place where she could be high all the time and she wasn't so sad anymore.
Alex put an arm around her friend, she knew it was going to be hard to get through to her, "Are you okay?"
Carrie interrupted them before Nicky could answer, Alex looked up to see her holding a needle, it was all starting to make sense.
Carrie waved the needle in front of Nicky's face, she was angry, "What the fuck is this?"
Nicky gave the needle a cursory glance, why couldn't they just leave her alone to enjoy her high...
"Ummm, candy?"
"It's a fucking needle you asshole! What the fuck have you been doing here all week?!"
Nicky kept ignoring Carrie, until she saw her friend opening all her drawers. She jumped up and pushed her friend away.
"Get the fuck out, you have no right to go through my stuff!"
But it was too late, Carrie had already found what she was looking for in Nicky's top drawer, "How fucking stupid are you Nicky! Heroin! Vause gets back with her girlfriend, and your solution is to start taking HEROIN!"
Alex got up from the floor and stood in between them. She knew Carrie had no self control in these situations, and Nicky looked so high that she could be capable of anything."
"Fuck you! Just get the fuck out of here! I didn't ask either of you to come here!"
Alex tried to grab Nicky's hand, she needed to calm her down.
"Please Nicky, try and calm down. Talk to me...I'm not leaving until you talk to me."
Nicky tried to push Alex away, "There's nothing to talk about!"
Now it was Alex's turn to lose control, "Are you fucking kidding me! You can't sit in here getting high forever Nick!"
"Why not!"
Nicky had enough, everyone else got to do whatever the fuck they wanted, why couldn't they let her do this.
"Why can't I do this! You get to run off with your fucking girlfriend, so why can't I do this!"
That's it, that's what this was all about. Deep down Alex knew that a part of Nicky hated her for choosing Piper, but now it had been said out loud. She couldn't pretend anymore that maybe there was something else bothering her friend.
Nicky wanted Alex to make a choice, but it was a choice she couldn't make.