A/N: I am so sorry.

Word Count: 3,017

Chapter 4: Despair Syndrome

Before Sagishi's reflexes could kick in, Ryouta's limp body had already thudded onto the bed, the pencil he was previously clutching falling from his hand and landing on the floor in a noisy clatter. Ryouta's complexion, which always looked sickly pale to Sagishi, was now decidedly ashen, and his lips were slightly parted as if he was still desperately trying to suck in air, except…

No.

That can't be right.

Sagishi couldn't remember pressing the call button on the wall, but he knows he must have because the nurse on duty (Sakamoto–san? Sakamichi–san? He couldn't remember.) was immediately in the room, a questioning look on her face.

"What happened, To— ah, no, Sagishi, right?" the nurse asked as she approached them, frowning upon noticing how Sagishi was frozen in place.

"I don't know! We were just talking and he…" was the panicked reply, Sagishi shaking his head even as he spoke.

The nurse's frown (damn it, why couldn't he remember her name?) was replaced by a grim expression as she examined Ryouta.

"Sagishi, could you leave the room please?" she asked tersely, her voice unbetraying of anything. "Now, please," she repeated, raising her now steel–edged voice ever so slightly when Sagishi gave no indication of wanting to leave.

Sagishi was still staring blankly at the sight in front of him, but the nurse's voice brought him back to reality, making him blink twice in rapid succession as he tried to get his bearings back. The nurse's unwavering gaze continued to pierce through him, and he nodded slowly in understanding, leaving the room as fast as his leaden limbs could take him.

Only when he reached the waiting area at the corridor junction a door away did he allow himself to think. Sitting down on the cold, metallic bench, he tried to steady himself by taking in slow, deep breaths, but gradually they turned into choking, tearless sobs as he dimly heard the urgent calls from the speaker system overhead, and continued to stare blankly on while the hospital staff passed him by.

Gods, how could he have been so stupid? He should have known something was wrong when he saw how trashed the room was.

And now…

Sagishi shook his head, trying to stop that particular train of thought from continuing in its tracks. He couldn't stand to think of that possibility.

Never.

An eternity passes, or it feels like one, at least. Sagishi was still staring intently at the door, waiting. No one was leaving the room, on the contrary, it feels like the flow of people entering keeps on increasing. As if the entire floor's been allowed to enter except for him.

Then, a flash of unevenly cut dark hair caught his eyes. Was that Tsumiki?

As if on cue, Tsumiki spots him, too, waving and smiling at him while clumsily making her way towards him. In turn, Sagishi managed to muster up a half–hearted smile to offer her when she reached the bench and sat down to his left with a relieved sigh. When she finally turned her face to look at Sagishi, the smile she was wearing dissolved away as she saw the unease written all over him.

"What's the matter? Did I do something wrong?" Tsumiki asked nervously, slightly tilting her head to the side.

Sagishi shook his head.

Tsumiki pressed on hesitantly, probably out of fear that she might have done something wrong after all. "I thought you already went home after visiting our classmate. What was his name again?" she muttered, biting on her lower lip as she tried to remember. "Otearai? Mitarashi? No, wait, it was Mitarai, wasn't it? Did something happen?"

"Hey, Tsumiki," Sagishi said, his eyes drifting back to the door. "Do you know anything about what's happening in that room?"

The question startled Tsumiki until she seemed to understand what Sagishi meant by it. Now it was her turn to shake her head as she gently patted Sagishi's shaking hand. "H–hey, don't give up hope. He'll be fine."

"But it's been too long and… I was in there when it happened, I should have known something was wrong!" Sagishi all but shouted, Tsumiki's sincere assurances unleashing his own doubts. After a beat, he realized what he'd done and promptly apologized. "I'm sorry, I'm just so worried," he whispered, worrying at his lower lip with his free hand.

Tsumiki smiled reassuringly, looking as if she was about to say something again, until a phone rang and broke the deafening silence. When it did, she blushed, thoroughly embarrassed as she fumbled for the ringing phone from within her pockets.

Sagishi smiled, shaking his head again. "It's fine, just answer the call. You can leave me if it's important."

Tsumiki paused in her fumbling to look at Sagishi, even though her phone was still blaring at full volume. "A–are you sure you'll be fine alone? I can still stay for a while," she asked.

"Mm, yeah, I'll be fine. Don't get fired because of me."

Tsumiki nodded hesitantly, still looking directly at him, her phone still going off. Sagishi returned her glance, smiling sadly.

Then she left, occasionally looking back at him until she finally disappeared from sight upon turning at the next corridor. The world was silent once more, and still Sagishi waited.

A few more minutes passed, Sagishi was still staring at the door, absent–mindedly straightening his blazer uniform as he did, when the elevator doors slid open, Ryouta's mother barreling out of it, extremely disheveled, eyes red–rimmed but dry as if she had no more tears left to shed. There were still tear tracks yet to fully dry off on her cheeks, however. She looked frantically to all sides, like she didn't know where to go, until she caught sight of Sagishi, and a brief look of surprise passed by on her face before it disappeared again just as quickly.

She sat beside him in silence, burying her head in her hands as she did. After a few moments, she took a deep breath and raised her head to look at Sagishi.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"I don't know," Sagishi admitted, wanting to disappear altogether just so he could avoid saying it again. "We were just talking when we came in and it… happened." Gods, was he panicking again? He never thought he'd ever be in a position again where he's powerless to do anything, and he hated it.

"He didn't say anything?" Ryouta's mother asked again, eyes unblinking as she continued to stare at him.

Sagishi shook his head. "He just looked tired and got angry at me when I asked if something was wrong."

"And? How long has it been since…?" She couldn't continue, the words cut off by a sob that she tried to hide by covering her mouth.

Truth be told, Sagishi didn't know how long it has been nor did he want to, but for her sake, he took a quick glance at his wristwatch. "Twenty minutes," he answered. It felt longer than that to him. "Gods, it's been that long since it happened and I still don't know what's going on in there. I'm no good as a friend," he muttered as an afterthought, thinking he said it low enough to remain unheard.

He was wrong. Ryouta's mother did hear him, and she sighed as she moved closer in order to squeeze his hand.

"It's not your fault. Like you said, you just arrived when it happened," she said, smiling sadly at him, the smile highlighting her resemblance to Ryouta once again. "If anyone's to blame," she continued, "it's me. I should've known, I should have suspected that something was wrong." Her voice broke, and her eyes (hazel, another thing she shared, shares, with her son), dry only a moment ago were filling up with tears she tried holding back. "I'm his mother, and I didn't realize something was wrong. Gods, I— I can't lose him again. Not yet…"

The tears finally spilled out with those words, and she caught Sagishi by surprise when she flung herself towards him, sobbing on his shoulder, restrained at first but soon intensified with each heaving breath.

Her tears were already soaking through his blazer uniform, but Sagishi couldn't care less, although he was at a loss on what to do. Until a memory resurfaced, some half–forgotten gesture of love. No, not now, it wasn't the time to think of them. Awkwardly at first, Sagishi began to gently rub Ryouta's mother's back in an attempt to comfort her. The movement soothed both of them, and it seemed to calm her down until her sobs turned into quiet weeping. Sagishi was sure they make a melancholy pair to anyone who would pass them by, a motherless boy and a mother in danger of losing her son. They continued to sit like that, biding away the minutes in a silence broken only by her occasional sobs.

At last, the door swung open with an agonizingly slow creak. Upon hearing it, Ryouta's mother raised her head and furiously wiped away at her tears. As she stood up, she smiled apologetically at Sagishi, before leaving to talk to the doctor who just exited the room.

Sagishi couldn't tear his eyes away from the conversation even if he tried. He stared, looking for any hint their expressions might give away, even if he could only really see the doctor's grim expression from where he was, as Ryouta's mother had her back turned away.

Finally, after spending some tension–filled minutes that Sagishi passed by twiddling his fingers nervously, the conversation was done, indicated by Ryouta's mother bowing low to the doctor who was already leaving. As soon as the doctor was out of sight, Ryouta's mother's legs started to buckle. Sagishi was up on his feet immediately, determined not to fail, and caught her before she could fall to the floor, even as he could feel his heart about to drop out of his chest.

Like a screen during a thunderstorm, she crumpled in his arms, weeping once again as she desperately clutched at him for support. It did nothing to lessen his own anxiety.

Seconds later, she calmed down again and saw Sagishi's expression. She smiled a little, and reached out a hand to smooth out his frown, surprising Sagishi. At this, she let out a watery laugh.

"He's fine," she assured Sagishi, though he was sure she was also saying that to assure herself. "They just need to transfer him to the ICU, they're preparing a bed now, in fact, but he's fine, thank the gods."

"Can I see him?" Sagishi asked, utterly relieved, as he helped her get back on her feet.

She shook her head, but quickly followed it up when she saw Sagishi's dejected expression. "No, I didn't mean it that way. You can see him tomorrow, he's still unconscious now, and besides—" she gestured to her watch, "—visiting hours are almost over. I'm only staying so I can see where they're transferring him and because someone needs to watch him overnight. It's getting late, I'm sure someone's already worried for you. Go home, I'll text you where he's getting transferred to so you can visit him tomorrow."

Sagishi was about to protest, but her face told him to do otherwise. A brief exchange of farewells occurred instead, and soon he was on his way home.

"Home, huh?" Sagishi thought as he entered his penthouse, an unwelcome parting gift. Only cold porcelain figures and faded photographs ever waited for him here.

He plopped down on the bed as soon as he reached the bedroom, not even bothering to change out of his uniform, staring blankly up at the ceiling, and it was all he could do to stop himself from thinking of everything that happened that day. Soon, he drifted off into a fitful sleep.

By the time Sagishi woke up, the noontime sun was already glaring at his eyes. Shit, he missed the entrance ceremony. He groaned as he scrolled through the notifications on his phone. How could he have slept through his alarm and this many phone calls? One of them was from Tsumiki, probably still worried about him after what happened yesterday. There was a text message squeezed in between the calls, from Ryouta's mother, telling him where Ryouta was transferred to. After that, there were five calls, each timed five minutes apart at around the same time the entrance ceremony was happening. They were all from Shinobu, probably annoyed with him for not showing up, forbidden as the communication was. He'll have to deal with her tomorrow, it was too late in the day to attempt showing up to class.

It was almost 2 in the afternoon when he was finally presentable enough to walk out the door, wearing the most comfortable shirt he could find in the closet. It was familiar, too, being a gift from Shinobu for his birthday three years ago. Has it really been that long?

Without even thinking about it, his feet soon brought him to the only place he'd rather be in today. When he did get there, he almost went out of the elevator when it reached the third floor out of habit, before abruptly remembering that it wasn't where he was supposed to go. No one was waiting there anymore.

Fifth floor looked as different from the third floor as Sagishi's penthouse did to their classroom at Hope's Peak. The third floor was bustling with activity, the corridor resounding with the whispers of gossiping nurses and the noise of families and friends visiting patients with minor complaints. In contrast, the fifth floor looked bleak with only the occasional nurses on duty doing their rounds, and the only sound coming from the rooms being murmured prayers and weeping, if they could even manage to overpower the constant beeping of machines.

Ryouta's mother was by her son's bed when he got there, wearing the same clothes she had on yesterday. Did she even go home at all? She was gently stroking her son's hair with one hand, and gripping her son's hand tightly with the other, all while wearing a pained smile.

All the while, Ryouta remained lying still on his bed, the only indication he was still alive at all being the constant beeping of the heart monitor nearby and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest in time with the ventilator.

Sagishi was about to approach when he heard Ryouta's mother start to say something.

"Hey, Ryou-chan, come back to me," she whispered as she continued to stroke Ryouta's hair, her voice sounding like it was going to break again. "You've been here before, you can come out of it again. I know you can. Please," she pleaded, choking back a sob after the last word even as her tears were starting to fall. She still didn't seem to notice Sagishi's presence.

It caught Sagishi's ear, that again. She said the same thing yesterday.

He was still thinking about what she meant when she finally noticed him, and immediately switched back to her customary smile, acting as if nothing was wrong.

"Oh, hey, you're here early," Ryouta's mother greeted, while furiously wiping away her tears. "Aren't you supposed to be in class?" she asked after a beat.

"I couldn't go to class, not after yesterday," Sagishi admitted sheepishly. He didn't need to mention the fact that he woke up at noon.

She nodded in understanding, before turning her gaze back to her son. "He hasn't woken up since yesterday," she said, answering the question he had wanted to ask but couldn't.

"Are you staying for long?" she asked.

When Sagishi nodded in affirmation, she sighed. "Can you… watch over him while I go home for a bit? I don't want to leave him alone. I can't." So she really didn't go home.

They exchanged places. Now Sagishi was the one sitting down by Ryouta's bedside, while she stood up and started to leave. At the last minute she turned back, spilling out her secrets. "It's happened before, you know," she admitted sadly. "The night after his middle school graduation. It's why he's not attending classes now." Her tears were falling freely again. "They— they told me he's too unstable, that it might happen again, and they don't know when he'll wake up. If he'll wake up."

She was openly weeping after that admission, but when she saw Sagishi getting up to help her, she raised a hand to stop him. "No, stay there," she said through her tears. "I'm fine, I'm sorry you had to hear all of that. I don't know what came over me."

Sagishi sat down again as he shook his head. "It's fine, I understand, Mi—"

Ryouta's mother shot him a brief glare. Right.

"—oba–san. Take all the time you need, I'll be staying with him."

She smiled back at him and finally left. Sagishi was alone again. Now it was his turn to talk to Ryouta, he thinks dryly.

"Hey, Ryouta," Sagishi said, lightly tapping Ryouta's hand, careful not to dislodge the IV line there. "Wake up. Don't do this to your mother. She's worried. Hell, I'm worried about you. So please."

There was no reply, only the beeping and hissing of machines.

A/N: I can explain. Originally this chapter was supposed to have been posted on Lunar New Year, but stuff happened so I moved the posting to Setsubun, but then stuff was still happening so I only got to post this now. The next chapter will be up tomorrow, since that one was originally the second half of this chapter, except if I hadn't cut it out this one would be obscenely long and besides, I realized it doesn't actually fit in this chapter thematically. So yeah, see you guys tomorrow. Consider this chapter and the next one a Heart's Day special.

And before you ask, I'm keeping Ryou's condition vague on purpose, but there really is an actual diagnosis for it in real life.

Also, the names Tsumiki said? They're all actually just different readings for the kanji Ryouta uses to write Mitarai. So yeah, technically she's right.