Author's Note: Thank you for the wonderful response to this story so far and for reading and reviewing and all that good stuff. Here's the next chapter. It's a little on the short side but I should have the next chapter up by the end of the week (seriously, it's almost done already). Let me know what you think!
"I need you to go with Alison to her sonogram appointment on Wednesday," Emily says, barging into Spencer's barn with a wild look of panic in her eyes.
Spencer glances up at Emily from behind her laptop screen. "Hello to you too, Emily."
Emily rolls her eyes, not in the mood for Spencer's sarcasm. "Hello, Spencer. So can you do it? Take Ali to her sonogram?"
"Ali's having the baby?" Spencer asks, her eyes arching in question as she slowly closes her laptop and fixes her eyes on Emily.
Emily nods, bristling a little under Spencer's incredulous stare.
"And you're okay with that?"
Emily nods again, slower this time, as she takes a seat on Spencer's couch and digs the heels of her hands into her thighs. "Yeah. Of course I'm okay with it. I asked her to."
"You what?!" Spencer exclaims, her voice rising to a high-pitched shriek as she stands up and pushes her stool back. She walks around the kitchen counter and sits on the coffee table opposite Emily.
"I asked her to have the baby and she said yes," Emily says, ignoring Spencer's wide-eyed stare of disbelief. "And now she made an ultrasound appointment and I can't go," Emily explains miserably. She can't believe she's going to miss her chance to see the baby for the first time. Or that she yet again won't be there for Alison after promising the blonde that she would be.
She's been contemplating telling Paige that she won't be able to make the Athletic Department meeting on Wednesday, but the email had stated in bold capital letters that the meeting is MANDATORY and ALL COACHES MUST ATTEND, and even though she's sort of dating the department supervisor, she's still new at Rosewood High and she can't afford to jeopardize her job in any way now that she's going to have a baby to take care of. Besides, she doubts Paige will be very understanding of the situation if she did ask for the afternoon off.
"Okay," Spencer says slowly and Emily can tell her friend is confused by her confession. She doesn't blame Spencer for being confused, to be honest, she's still a little confused about it all herself.
"So you'll take her?" Emily asks hopefully. She still feels awful that she has to miss Alison's first ultrasound but knowing Ali won't be alone would make her feel slightly less awful.
Spencer gives her a reassuring smile. "Yeah, sure, Em, don't worry about it. We're all here for you guys. If I can't make it, I'm sure Hanna or Aria will come through."
Emily shakes her head vigorously. "No. Not Aria."
"Why can't—" Spencer starts.
"Can you do it or not?" Emily cuts her off impatiently. "Because if not, I'll ask Hanna."
Spencer leans back and shows her hands in mock surrender. "Relax, mama bear, I'll do it."
"Okay. Good. Thank you," Emily exhales, letting her eyes fall shut and laying back against the sofa with a sigh of relief. Of course she wants to be the one to be there for Alison and the baby, but Spencer will just have to do in her absence.
"Em, are you okay?"
Emily tilts her head back down and opens her eyes to see Spencer gazing at her with soft concerned eyes and a worried expression.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Emily sighs, too tired to find the words needed to express all the ways she's not fine.
Alison blows the air out of her cheeks and runs a shaky hand through her hair. She's currently sat beside Spencer in the clinic waiting room, her right leg bouncing restlessly over her left leg as her eyes scan the busy waiting room and settle on a young mother trying to wrestle a cell phone away from her screaming toddler. The woman catches Alison staring and gives her an apologetic look before scooping the squirming little boy into her lap and offering him a sippy cup in hopes of quieting him down. Alison turns away, panic filling her chest as she imagines herself struggling to soothe a cranky child in public as strangers gawk and judge her for being a terrible mother.
"You okay?" Spencer's worried voice breaks through Alison's intrusive thoughts.
"Yeah. I just hate doctors' offices," Alison mumbles.
Spencer looks unconvinced but Alison doesn't really care to convince her. It's not that she doesn't appreciate Spencer's support and concern, she truly does, but she's starting to think she should have insisted on doing this alone. That way she'd at least be free to break down emotionally in private and not have to face any prying questions about it. But Emily had called her two nights ago and informed her in no uncertain terms that Spencer, not Aria, would be accompanying her to her ultrasound appointment, and she found herself agreeing easily as not to upset the obviously guilt-ridden brunette, even if she did think Emily's ongoing Aria embargo was a little ridiculous.
"Ali, can I ask you something?" Spencer asks carefully, leaning forward a bit to catch Alison's eye. With no protest from Alison, Spencer proceeds to pose her question, "What made you decide to have this baby?"
"Emily," Alison answers truthfully. "She asked me to."
Spencer's eyes narrow and her mouth curves downward into a frown and Alison suddenly feels small under the other woman's disapproving gaze.
"But is it what you want?" Spencer presses.
"Yes," Alison says quickly. Although she's staring straight ahead, Alison sees Spencer shake her head slightly out of the corner of her eye.
"So what's the plan here? Are you and Emily going to raise the baby together?"
"I think so," Alison answers, shifting uncomfortably in her chair as if she's trying to escape the awkwardness of the conversation. Why did Spencer always have to push? Why couldn't she just let this go and let Alison continue to live in her bubble of denial for a little while longer?
"But you don't know for sure?" Spencer questions. "Don't you think that's something the two of you should have discussed?"
"Things have just been really complicated right now," Alison says, rubbing her temples with her fingers as her frustration grows. She knows how ridiculous this all must sound to someone as level-headed and pragmatic as Spencer, and she still has some questions and concerns of her own, but she doesn't need Spencer interrogating her about her and Emily's future plans, or lack thereof, when she already has so much on her mind—like the fact that she's minutes away from seeing this baby for the first time and Emily's not here with her.
"And you think a baby is going to make things less complicated?" Spencer asks, sounding exasperated. "Are you really ready to be a mother?"
Alison finally whips her head around to face Spencer, wanting desperately to wipe the look of haughty disbelief off the brunette's face. "Why are you doing this right now?" she demands, keeping her voice to a harsh whisper so the other women in the waiting room don't overhear their discussion.
Spencer's expression softens as she sighs. "I'm not trying to upset you, Ali. I'm just trying to make sure you've thought this through. This is a big decision. A decision neither you nor Emily asked to make."
Alison shifts, her jaw clenched and her nails digging into the palms of her hands. "I understand that, Spencer."
"Do you? Because having a baby isn't something you do because your friend asks you to. You're not lending Emily a pair of sunglasses or helping her move. This is a baby, Ali," Spencer stresses as if Alison isn't aware of the life-altering seriousness of the matter. She's the one with the pea sized parasite currently growing inside her womb, so she thinks she more than understands the magnitude of the situation.
"You don't think I realize that!" Alison snaps, shooting Spencer a deadly glare. She knows this must seem crazy to anyone who knows them, but the thought of starting a family with Emily makes her heart flutter and she wants that so much. It scares her how much she wants it, because Emily is with Paige and Alison still isn't sure how this will work or where she fits into the mix, but she can't help but find hope in the fact that Emily asked her to do this, to think it must mean something that Emily wants to do this with her. If Emily truly does want to do this with her. And she wants to hold onto that hope for as long as possible, even if it means living in denial and avoiding some very necessary conversations.
"Miss DiLaurentis," the receptionist calls out before Spencer can say another word and Alison breathes a sigh of relief, thankful for the interruption.
"Okay, Alison, if you can please put your feet in the stirrups and lay back," Dr. Palmer instructs.
Alison tugs anxiously on her itchy medical gown and takes a deep breath before doing as she's told and laying back on the exam table. Spencer moves to stand by her head, trying her best to protect Alison's modesty. Her anxiety must be pretty obvious because Spencer rubs her shoulder and gives her an encouraging smile.
"So are you Alison's partner?" Dr. Palmer asks Spencer with a friendly smile as she starts to prep for the ultrasound.
Spencer laughs loudly at the doctor's question, eliciting an equally amused chuckle from Alison when the pair makes eye contact. "Oh, no. I'm just pitch-hitting today. I'm Ali's cousin actually," Spencer explains.
Alison can't help but crack a wide grin at Spencer's answer because with all the craziness going on in their lives lately, they haven't really had the chance to talk about their new found relation to one another. But now Alison is reminded that she gained a family member in Spencer recently, which she's pretty grateful for, and for a moment she forgets how anxious and exposed she feels in her current position.
"Slide down a bit for me, Alison, thank you," the doctor says as she slides the stool she's seated on closer to the exam table and picks something up from the tray beside her.
Alison props herself up on her elbows and peers at the doctor through her legs, her stomach twisting in knots as she watches Dr. Palmer place a condom over the ultrasound wand.
"Wha-what are you doing? I thought this was an abdominal ultrasound to check the baby's progress," Alison asks, her eyes widening and her voice wavering as she keeps her eyes fixed on the long, thin probe in the doctor's hands.
"Oh I'm sorry, I thought Cindy filled you in before I came in. You're not quite far along enough for an abdominal ultrasound. This early in the pregnancy, I like to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound to get a look at the baby. That's why we had you put the gown on. We'll do an abdominal scan at your next appointment, but this will allow us to most accurately determine your date of conception since you seem to be a little hazy on when your last menstrual cycle started," Dr. Palmer explains with a smile.
Alison blanches at the mention of conception, her mind flashing back to that day in Welby when she had been strapped to her bed and wheeled through a set of double doors where her legs were pried apart and her body penetrated by a stranger behind a mask. Alison sucks in a shaky breath in an attempt to calm herself, her chest tightening and her stomach dropping. She hadn't thought about how difficult this sonogram might be—what memories it might drag up—but as she lays on an exam table with her legs open and a doctor poised to insert an instrument into her body, she's not sure why she ever thought she could actually do any of this.
Spencer's hand lands on her shoulder once again and squeezes. "Ali, would you like some privacy? I can wait outside," she asks softly.
"No! Stay!" Alison cries, grasping Spencer's hand hard to keep the brunette by her side. Her entire body feels warm and her heart is beating so fast she feels like she might pass out and the last thing she wants right now is to be left alone in this exam room.
"Just lay back and try to relax," Dr. Palmer instructs, not sparing Alison a glance as she coats the probe with a thick layer of gel.
"I don't think I can do this," Alison breaths out as panic spreads through her body like a virus. She lets her head fall back against the exam table and forces out a shaky breath as she stares at the blinding overhead light. She starts to feel faint like she's drifting back in time to that dreadful day in Welby, and she wants to move, to get away, but her limbs feel heavy.
"Ali, what's wrong?" Spencer asks, turning her eyes away from the doctor to look at Alison.
Dr. Palmer slides forward on her stool with the ultrasound wand in one hand, finally looking up to give Alison a bright smile the blonde finds decidedly unsettling. "Okay. I'm going to insert the probe now. You may feel a little discomfort, but I'll try to be quick."
Alison flinches as the tip of the probe touches her entrance, her body tensing and her hands gripping the sides of the exam table tightly. "W-wait, hold on."
"Ali?" Spencer questions, her brows creased in worry as she stares down at the pale, trembling blonde.
"I can't do this," Alison repeats weakly. Her chest feels like it's tightening and her vision blurs as she tries to blink the room back into focus and force out a breath. She thinks of Emily, imagines her holding her hand, but Emily's not here and Alison's heart actually aches with longing for the brunette.
"You have nothing to be nervous about, Alison. This is a standard procedure and it'll be over before you know it." The doctor's cloying voice filters through the thick cloud of fog in her head, sounding far away and distant.
Alison swallows and tries to steady herself, but as she feels the tip of the probe start to enter her again, she jerks away from the cold wand violently. "No! Stop! Stop it!" she cries, pulling her feet out of the stirrups and frantically pushing herself back up the exam table. She feels like all the air has left her lungs, like there's an invisible hand inside her chest squeezing her heart in a vice-like grip and refusing to let go. She wants Emily—needs Emily to calm her, to put her lips to hers and breathe the air back into her lungs
"Just take a deep breath and try to relax. In a minute, you'll get to see your baby on that monitor and you'll forget all about how nervous you are," Dr. Palmer says, her voice unapologetically calm as she attempts to coax Alison back into the stirrups.
"She said stop, so you need to stop," Spencer says firmly, shooting the doctor a dangerous glare as she wraps an arm around Alison's shoulder and squeezes.
Dr. Palmer nods curtly and relents, pushing her stool back from the table and giving the pair a sympathetic look.
"Ali, just try to breathe," Spencer instructs gently. Alison continues to quietly shake in Spencer's arms as the brunette rubs her shoulders and mumbles soothing phrases against her head.
The heaviness in her chest has yet to lift and her legs still feel a bit wobbly, but Alison dutifully follows Spencer out of the doctor's office and through the parking lot.
Spencer had briskly informed the receptionist at the front desk that Alison would need to reschedule her appointment and then carefully guided Alison through the office door and Alison had let her.
"Ali, what happened in there?" Spencer asks once they reach the car.
"Nothing," Alison mumbles, yanking on the seat belt and fastening it across her lap. The fog in her head is starting to clear and she decides she's going to have to find a new OBGYN because there's no way in hell she's seeing Dr. Palmer again after that incredibly embarrassing scene she just caused in her office.
"Nothing? Ali, you just had a panic attack," Spencer says, somehow managing to sound both concerned for her well-being and disappointed in her evasiveness.
Alison sighs and stares out the window as Spencer reverses out of the parking spot. "I'm fine."
"I'm calling Emily," Spencer says, shaking her head and punching the bluetooth call button on her car's steering wheel.
"No, you're not!" Alison growls, whipping her eyes in Spencer's direction. "She's busy."
"She'd want to know. She's worried about you," Spencer insists.
"If she wanted to know, she would have been here. You're not calling her," Alison bites back, surprising herself with her anger.
"Ali," Spencer sighs. "Emily wanted to be here. She had to work."
"I just want to go home and forget about this. Can you please just take me home, Spence?" Alison asks in a small voice. She's tired and embarrassed and she feels terribly petty for resenting Emily for her absence when she knows it isn't Emily's fault. She isn't exactly mad at Emily for not coming, she just really wishes she had been with her instead of in a meeting with Paige and she hates herself for needing Emily so bad. But she had been the one to insist that it was no big deal, to act like she didn't need Emily at all, even though every ounce of her longs for the brunette, and now she just wants to crawl into bed and hopefully sleep off this overwhelming feeling of nausea growing in her stomach because she's faced enough truth for today.