Disconnect

Five

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As the reapers lay waste to the galaxy, Commander Shepard rushes to rescue his sister from war-torn Earth. But is there a place on the Normandy for a civilian, and does she even want one at all? AU Shepard/Garrus.

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Disclaimer: This author in no way profits from the writing of this story. All characters, dialogue, or other referenced material from the Mass Effect trilogy belong to Bioware.

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Despite her new resolve, Jane didn't go out on a mission again for some time, not until the Citadel was under attack.

"All hands on deck," her brother had said grimly, and they were sent out into the wards in small separate teams, hoping they could reign in the chaos.

"Garrus, Jane," he said, "You're with me." He paused, looking at Jane worriedly. "Your students—"

"Are all off the Citadel by now, thank goodness," she said.

He nodded, relieved. "Let's go."

It was one of the most surreal experiences of her life.

It was heart-wrenching to hear Garrus call out for dead C-Sec friends as they fought through headquarters. It was even worse to watch a man stab John's old teammate in front of his eyes and be forced to leave him behind.

Despite all of this, for Jane the hardest part was the heart-stopping moment when Kaidan Alenko, a man John had once considered like a brother, pointed his weapon at John's heart.

She felt that violence flaring up again within her, that rage, just before John told her to lower her weapon. She almost didn't. Somehow she brought herself under control, but her arms were rigid, waiting for the moment when she might need to strike Alenko down. The moment never arrived.

But to find that their own councilor had betrayed them, that was a blow, one that wouldn't soon be recovered from. What Udina had done would follow humanity for a long time.

Afterwards, in his quarters, John told her that Kaidan had joined the team. She stalked up to him and poked her finger into his chest. "I am not working with that man," she declared, then turned around in a huff, stalking away.

"Janie?"

She squeezed her eyes tight, took a shaky breath, then turned back around once she'd mastered her anger. "He was going to kill you," she said, her voice slow and deliberate. "I can't work with someone like that. How can you trust him?"

John let out a sigh. "Kaidan has had a rough few years. His world has been turned on it's head more than once. He didn't want to shoot me—he thought he had to. He's a good man."

She snorted. "Whatever. I'm going to keep an eye on him."

A smile threatened at John's lips. "You do that."

When she mentioned it to Garrus, he, at least, seemed to take her seriously. "I don't trust him either," he said. "You can't repair trust that's been broken like that, not completely."

"You'll watch him with me?" she asked, eyes wide.

He nodded seriously. "I will."

…

Jane watched her brother as he gave out assignments at the end of a crew meeting, surprised at how many tasks ended up in Alenko's hands. When she saw John sag as the crew left the room, it dawned upon her.

"You wanted him here… to take some of the pressure off of you?"

John turned and tried to smile at her, but all he managed was a grimace. "I love my alien crew, but there's some things only Alliance personnel are allowed to do. He takes some of that off my plate."

She came up and put an arm around his waist. "I'm sorry I pushed you about him," she said softly.

He dropped an arm over her shoulders. "It's okay," he said. "I don't blame you for how you felt. And there was no way for you to know the rest."

They walked slowly towards the elevator, arms still around each other. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked as the doors closed behind them. "I want to ease your burden."

He sighed deeply. "Nothing more than what you're doing, Janie. Just having you here, seeing you every day… you can't imagine how it feels."

She smiled up at him sadly. "Yes, I can."

They loosened their grip on each other as they slowly walked into John's quarters. "You haven't been sleeping well," she said softly. "I can tell."

He shrugged. "The reapers don't sleep. It's hard to rest when I know what's happening out there."

"You're allowed to rest," she argued. "You're not alone in this fight. When you're sleeping, someone is always there to pick up the mantle. Someone is fighting, someone is working. Someone is building the crucible. You're not alone."

John sat down on the couch, dropping his head into his hands. "Sometimes it feels like it, Janie," he admitted. "When I see all these galactic leaders looking to me… it scares me. I can't be the only line of defense between our galaxy and the reapers."

Jane looked down at his defeated form and could barely hold back her tears. She swallowed shakily and went to embrace her brother. "You're not alone," she whispered to him. "You'll never be alone. I promise."

They stayed like that for a while before Jane led him to his bed. "Go to bed," she ordered him. "I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

She had vague memories from early childhood of their mother doing the same, and hoped this would give him the comfort those memories always had for her.

Jane sat down beside the bed, stroking her brother's hair as his breathing slowed into something deep and steady. When she was sure he was asleep, only then did she allow her tears to fall.

Guilt overwhelmed her. She was the reason he'd gone into the military in the first place. He'd needed a steady job with income to send home so that he could send her to boarding school, away from the life on the streets they'd once led. He was in this position because he wanted to protect her.

Later, when she'd mastered her emotions, she approached Kaidan Alenko for the first time since he'd come onboard the Normandy.

"Major Alenko," she said stiffly.

"Miss Shepard," he replied, looking at her nervously. No doubt he had noticed her cold behavior towards him.

"I need a favor," she said, forcing the words out as much as she hated them. "You need to do whatever it takes to ease the burden on my brother."

The major looked shocked. "Look, Miss Shepard, I do everything he lets me do. But the real burden isn't the work of running the Normandy. It's the mental burden he puts on himself. I don't know how to ease that."

"Useless," she huffed, storming away.

Kaidan shook his head as he watched her. He sympathized, but didn't know what else he could do. No one could stop Shepard from carrying the world on his shoulders.

…

One addition to the team that Jane approved of was Tali'Zorah. She remembered John's stories of the original Normandy, and the young quarian had made a favorable impression at John's funeral, as difficult as those memories were to recall.

To Jane's surprise and pleasure, the quarian seemed equally eager to reacquaint herself with Jane. They shared drinks and stories in the lounge, and Jane felt like she had made a friend.

To Jane's even greater surprise, she realized she no longer felt like an outside on the Normandy. With her friendships among the crew growing, she was beginning to feel like this was home—especially when she and Tali took over the lounge as if they owned it.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" Tali asked once, after they'd each had a drink or two.

"In love with who?" Jane asked, bewildered.

"Garrus, of course!" Tali giggled. "It's like Fleet and Flotilla."

Jane blinked at Tali in shock. "We're not… together or anything," she said lamely.

Tali snorted. "You should be!"

As Tali giggled to herself, imagining her own live performance of the famed cross-species vid, Jane's mind was racing through her experiences with Garrus. She remembered that odd conversation that seemed so long ago now.

"I always wanted someone I could talk to," she'd said to him. Nights of learning and laughter came to mind, their lessons devolving into conversations about anything and everything. "Someone who would stand up to me." She remembered him standing tall and angry in her doorway, demanding to know why she'd locked herself away. "An equal."

Oh, he was far more than that.

"I've got to go," she said quickly, escaping Tali to hide in her room and consider this new and strange line of thought. God, she could just kill Tali for this. She could have gone a very long time without ever realizing she was in love with Garrus Vakarian.

…