Chapter Sixteen

Veronica pulls open the door to the small coffee shop located around the corner from Mars Investigations, frantically scanning the room and letting out a sigh of relief that her lunch companion is still here.

"Hey," she says as she sinks into the spare seat at the table. "Sorry I'm late. Got held up at the office."

"Hey, Veronica. Don't worry about it." Sarah smiles, patting her rounded stomach. "Junior here seems to have decided to wreak havoc on my bladder all morning, so I only just got here too."

"Sorry… that sounds… uncomfortable." Veronica makes a sympathetic face.

"It's not the most pleasant feeling in the world," Sarah agrees, her hand coming to rest on the bump. "But only eight weeks to go, so that's good."

"Yeah…" Veronica trails off, eyes lowering to Chaos's wife's—her friend's—baby bump for a moment, before smiling brightly and saying, "So, what do you want for lunch? I'm buying."

"Just a ginger tea and a Caesar salad, thanks."

"Coming right up."

Veronica orders at the counter, then carries their drinks over to the table. They make small talk until the food arrives.

"So, how's Logan?" asks Sarah a few minutes later, between bites of her salad.

"He's doing okay." Veronica nods. "Going stir-crazy stuck at home, though."

"I can imagine." Sarah grins. "Tim was laid up with the flu for two weeks a couple years back and he was just insufferable. It's like it's the end of the world if he can't fly for a few days."

"Tell me about it," Veronica agrees wholeheartedly.

It's funny, because Logan's always just been, well, Logan to her; even after all this time, she's never really thought of him as 'a fighter pilot', but the last couple weeks she's actually gotten a glimpse of what all the other military girlfriends and wives must have to deal with.

"But he's healing well?"

"Yeah, he is," she says. "He's just pissed he has to use a wheelchair and can't get around on his own yet." She puts her head in her hands as she sighs. "God, it's gonna be a long couple of months."

"Yeah, I'll bet…"

A smile tugs at Sarah's lips and Veronica shoots her a glare. "Hey, don't laugh. It's not funny!"

"I know, I know. Sorry."

Sarah's hand falls on her belly again, and Veronica's eyes follow the movement.

"So, uh, how's Tim dealing with the whole pregnancy, having a baby thing?" she asks.

"Yeah, really well." A slow smile spreads across Sarah's face. "He's been on a DIY craze lately." She leans forward. "Let me tell you, it's a good thing Logan's laid up at the moment, because Tim would have him building cribs and painting walls until all hours."

Veronica snorts a laugh at that. "Logan doing DIY? Struggling to picture that. He's always been of the 'pay someone to do that' school of thought."

"Oh, you'd be surprised what the Navy can do to entitled rich kids," says Sarah airily.

"Really?" She's surprised at that.

"Yeah, he's helped us out a couple times with projects around the house. He's not bad."

"Hmm," Veronica muses. "He's been holding out on me. Might have to put this newfound DIY knowledge to good use when he's better. There are a few things I need doing around the house."

Sarah grins. "Go for it."

Silence falls for a moment, before Veronica says hesitantly, "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How do you guys do it?" she asks. "I mean, being married, having a kid on the way, when he's away so much?"

"It's…" Sarah starts, then stops, expression turning serious as she leans forward as much as she can with the baby bump in the way. "Look, Veronica, I could tell you that it's easy, and that it works because we love each other and that's all we need, but…"

"It's not," Veronica finishes, giving a soft sigh.

"No relationship is easy, you know," Sarah says softly. "Even without the dangerous profession and the deployments, we still have to work at it. Do I wish Tim didn't have to spend months at sea every couple of years? Sure. Do I get lonely when he's gone? Of course I do." She shakes her head, giving a soft smile. "But flying—the Navy—it's his passion, you know? It's part of what makes him who he is; it's part of what I love about him, and I can't ask him to give that up just because I feel lonely sometimes."

"Yeah, I know…" Veronica smiles, thoughts flitting to Logan, to that excited grin he gets whenever he talks about flying. "Same with Logan. But… I mean, what about after the baby's born? Tim's due to deploy again in a few months—they both are—and if it were me, I don't know if I could handle a newborn on my own."

"I'll let you in on a secret," says Sarah. "I have no idea how I'm going to handle it. Truth is, I'm shit-scared about what's going to happen when he deploys next year, but I know he's fully supportive and will do whatever he can, even when he's away. Plus, he's made me promise that I'll ask for help if I need it."

"Well, you know, I'm always here if you need me," Veronica tells her sincerely. "I might not know anything about babies and I can probably only offer babysitting services, but if you need help, I'm here."

"Thank you." Sarah nods, with a grateful smile. "I appreciate that, Veronica. My mom said she'll come visit as often as she can, and you know, there's a great family support system on base as well."

"Yeah." Veronica nods, having heard a little about the on-base support services from Logan.

"So, why the interest?" asks Sarah then. "Are you and Logan going to—?"

"Oh, no," Veronica cuts in quickly. "I mean, we've talked about it, but I don't know if it's something we'll ever do."

"He doesn't want kids?" Sarah asks, looking a little puzzled.

"No, I don't," she admits. When Sarah frowns, she adds, "I'm just not exactly the maternal type, you know? Kids aren't something I've ever really wanted or felt I needed."

If Sarah's surprised by the admission, she doesn't show it. However, she does look concerned as she says, "But I'm guessing Logan doesn't feel the same way?"

"That's the thing: I always thought he did feel the same," she says. "It was a bit of a surprise when he brought it up the other month. When he said he wanted children."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Veronica shrugs. "I want to say yes… I really do, but there's this niggling voice in my head that keeps saying, 'What if you can't do it? What if you have a baby and you can't bond with it? What if you and Logan split up?'… and I can't just ignore it."

Sarah studies her thoughtfully for a moment. "You know, I can't say I've been there, because I always have wanted children. It just seemed like the natural path for me: get married, have babies, live happily ever after. But we both know it's not that simple."

She gives a wry smile and Veronica lifts her eyebrows in agreement.

"I never planned to marry a naval pilot," she continues, "and I certainly never expected to be alone for months at a time while said husband was deployed in dangerous parts of the world. But I love him and he loves me, and I wouldn't change my life for anything. It's going to be hard, raising a baby without him around all the time, and I'm scared too, but I know we'll get through this. And that this baby," she runs her hand over her stomach with an affectionate smile, "will be loved so much."

"Yeah." Veronica nods, giving a warm smile. "It will be."

"Look, Veronica. It is scary, this whole marriage and babies, being a real adult thing; it's overwhelming sometimes, but it's also fulfilling and rewarding and amazing," Sarah tells her earnestly. "Having a baby, you're bringing this brand new life into the world; a life you're responsible for, yes, but also a life that is a part of you, a life you've created together, one you will love unconditionally, forever, and who will love you forever, too."

Veronica gives a slow nod, taking that in.

"Well, when you put it like that…" she says, thoughts flitting to Logan, trying to imagine a miniature version of him running around. She's never been able to do it before, but now… maybe. "You might be right."

Just over a week later, Wallace finds himself sitting in Veronica and Logan's living room, a beer in one hand and slice of pizza in the other. Logan's Navy friend, Chaos, is here too, along with Dick Casablancas. Veronica, sadly, is out working a case, leaving Wallace to fend for himself. He's still not sure how he ended up here tonight. No, that's not quite true—he's here because Veronica asked if he wouldn't mind keeping Logan company sometime, since he's been going stir-crazy in the house—what he's not quite sure about is how he ended up agreeing to spend an evening with not just Logan, but his friends too.

Chaos, he likes; the guy is intelligent and interesting to talk to—apparently he trained to be a chef before joining the Navy—but Casablancas is another story. Obviously there's something about the guy that has earned Logan's friendship and trust, but for the life of him, Wallace can't figure out what that is. And by the eye-roll Chaos gives Wallace when Dick makes some stupid comment about a TV commercial, it seems he shares the same sentiment.

"So, Wallace," says Chaos. "How's the world of education these days?"

"Pretty good." He nods. "You know, the teaching and coaching are the easy parts. It's all the teenage angst and drama that's harder to deal with."

"I can imagine," says Chaos.

"Like, there's this one kid in my junior physics class," Wallace continues. "Used to be a good kid, got good grades, never got into trouble, but last year, something changed. He's moody, uncooperative, always mouthing off. Something's obviously going on, but he won't talk about it."

"Probably just girl troubles," pipes up Dick. "I still remember how this one"—he gestures to Logan—"got every time Veronica dumped him."

"Thanks, Dick." Logan glares, throwing a balled-up napkin at his friend's head, as Chaos suppresses a smile.

"Nah, I think it's more than that." Wallace clears his throat, sitting forward in his seat, before admitting, "I think something's going on at home."

"Really?" Chaos asks.

"Yeah, I mean, obviously I can't come out and say anything, but the kid's not talking, and I don't know what I can do to help."

"Well, hey, Logan, you have experience in this area," says Dick. "What d'ya reckon?"

Experience in this area? Wallace just blinks at Logan, uncomprehending.

Logan looks to the ceiling before sighing. "For fuck's sake, Dick."

"What?" Dick shrugs, looking confused. "You do."

"Yes, but it's not…" Logan sighs again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You know what, never mind." He turns to Wallace. "Look, if you want, I could try to help, maybe talk to the kid?"

"Talk to him?" Wallace asks in confusion.

"Yeah." Logan shrugs. "I mean, if that would be okay. I've been there. I grew up with a son-of-a-bitch for a father. Luckily mine was charged with murder before he could do any more damage than he already had."

"You…" Wallace tries to arrange his thoughts into a coherent sentence. "Your dad, he…?"

"You didn't know?" Logan frowns in confusion, glancing first towards Dick, who shrugs and then to Chaos, who shows no sign of surprise at the news. "I thought it was common knowledge around these parts, what with me testifying at the trial and all."

Wallace blinks, then swallows back the bile forming in his throat as realisation dawns. Logan Echolls was abused as a child?

"You were… I mean, did he…?" he can't quite form the words, the thought of what Logan might have gone through making him feel sick.

Comprehension dawns on Logan's face.

"Oh, you mean, did he touch me in the bad place?" He shakes his head, giving a wry smile. "No, he didn't. His punishments were more of the cigarette-burning, punching, belt-lashing variety."

"Geez. Seriously?" Wallace lets out a low whistle. "Man, I'm sorry. I had no idea."

Logan shrugs. "It's in the past. Bastard's dead. Can't hurt me anymore."

Wallace studies Logan for a long moment, starting to see him in a new light. Thinking about it, it makes sense; it explains a lot about why Logan used to act the way he did when they were teenagers. The guy displayed the classic signs of someone suffering physical abuse, but Wallace wasn't able to recognise them then.

"Did Veronica know?" he asks. "Back then, I mean."

"She did." Logan nods. "Not at first, but she found out after my mom died."

"Shit." Wallace straightens, an old memory coming to mind, but in a completely different light now. "That day on the beach beginning of junior year—the headlights incident—he did more than just take away your car, didn't he?"

Logan winces. "Yeah… he did."

"God, I'm so sorry, man," he says again. "You know she never would have done it if she'd known, right?"

"I know," Logan nods, lifting his hand in a 'what can you do?' gesture. "But c'est la vie."

"Look," says Wallace. "I know we haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but I'm sorry I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt back then."

"Don't sweat it, Fennel," Logan dismisses. "I was a jackass in high school, I can admit that. Didn't give you much reason to like, or trust me. But look, if you need someone to talk to this kid, show some support, help him figure out his options, I'd be happy to."

"Okay." Wallace nods. "Thanks, man."

They share a look of understanding, before Dick breaks the silence.

"Dude, are we done with the sharing? I need another beer."

"Fucking damn it!"

At the dining table, Veronica looks up from her laptop to see Logan struggling, and failing, to push himself up off the couch, his still healing collarbone causing his arm to buckle under his weight. His body slumps back against the cushions.

She stands up and walks across the room, taking a seat beside him. "Logan, I know you're eager to get up and go, but remember what the doctor said: you don't need to wear the sling anymore, but no putting unnecessary weight on that arm."

"I know that, Veronica," he mutters in annoyance, slinging his good arm over his eyes. "I don't need you on my fucking case as well."

Unfazed by the irritable retort, having experienced him in this mood often over the last few weeks and knowing it's just because he's frustrated, she smiles softly at the picture he makes, before replying kindly, "Well, too bad, because I am."

"Well, fuck that," is his response, though there's no heat behind the words, just tiredness and resignation.

"Look," she says. "I know you're pissed, and I know how much you hate feeling dependent on someone else, but it's only for a few more weeks."

"Yeah, whatever," he mutters childishly, though he lowers his arm, letting it fall to his lap.

"Listen, you want to be cleared to fly again, right?" He nods, avoiding her gaze and looking down at his hands. "So, you need to do everything you can to make sure you recover fully, so there's no reason not to sign you off. Which means, if the doctor tells you not to put weight on that arm, then don't, okay?"

"Yeah, I know," he says reluctantly. He sighs, glancing at her. "I'm just fucking tired of this, Veronica. I need to get back out there again." He gestures toward the window. "I'm bored, and frustrated, and I feel helpless just sitting around here all day. I wanna go for a run; I wanna get back in the water. I wanna fly my fucking jet again."

"I know you do." She reaches out to run her fingers through his hair, scraping her nails across his scalp, just how he likes. "And I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you all better, but I can't."

"I know," he says again.

She shifts on the couch, curling her legs under her as she slides her free hand up over his chest and rests her head on his shoulder. His head tilts so it's touching hers and they sit together in silence. A feeling of raw emotion spreads through her chest as she thinks about how much she loves this man. The last few weeks, spending so much time with Logan, have made her realise exactly what he means to her, how she'd do anything to see him happy, to heal all his wounds if she could.

Logan has grown up, matured, so much since they were a couple in college; he's grown into the man she always knew he could be, and it's so amazing to see it, to be part of his life now, to be loved by him.

She never thought she would be in this position with anyone, never believed she and Logan could get to this point, could make it work in a steady, stable relationship. She never believed she could find this kind of love with another person—and really, she'd been kidding herself to think she could be truly happy with Piz—but now here she is, head over heels in love with her oldest friend, with the one person in the world who really knows her inside and out, who knows all her faults, knows the details of her sordid past, knows her hopes and dreams, along with her fears and worries.

And she knows him better than anyone else in the world. He lets her see parts of him he would never dream of showing anyone else, he lets himself be vulnerable around her, and makes her feel comfortable enough to completely let her guard down around him.

They're each other's equals. They're meant to be. Forever.

So, what are you so scared of, Veronica? The thought niggles at the back of her mind.

She wasn't kidding when she suggested getting married the other week; she meant it, of course, but her motivations were mostly rational. She'd pushed the emotional side of things to the back of her mind and had focused on the practicalities—and benefits—of being married to a naval officer. However, these last few weeks, with Logan having survived what could have been a fatal crash with only minor injuries, and having him around 24/7 for the first time in months, it's got her thinking, made her realise how much she loves him, how she can't imagine what she'd do if he ever… she can't even finish the thought.

She's finally admitting to herself that maybe she really would like to marry him, not because it's the sensible thing to do, but because she wants to. Because he makes her happy. Because he's a wonderful, brave, determined, amazing person. Because he fills the hole in her heart that she hadn't realised was there until he came back into her life.

Because she loves him.

Her hand slides up from his chest to cup his jaw as she lifts her head and turns to kiss him. He responds immediately, his mouth moving gently against hers. Veronica shifts, kneeling on the couch so she can kiss him properly, her tongue tracing his lower lip until he opens for her. Needing to be even closer, she cradles his face in both palms as she deepens the kiss, tongues tangling as she puts every emotion she can into it. To his credit, he doesn't falter, taking it in his stride and responding with equal fervour. She doesn't even realise that a tear has slipped from her eye and is sliding down her cheek until his thumb brushes it away.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks as he breaks the kiss, breathing heavily.

"Nothing." She smiles. "Just, uh… emotions. Lots of emotions."

"What emotions?"

She swallows, waiting for the usual hesitation, the fear, that normally comes with laying herself bare like this, but it doesn't come.

"Oh, you know…" She traces his lower lip with her finger. "Affection, desire… love."

His lips curl up. "For me?"

"Of course for you." She resists the urge to roll her eyes.

"Even though I've been a total pain in the ass for the last month?" At her surprised expression, he adds, "Oh, don't think I haven't heard your sighs and seen your eye-rolls whenever I've ranted and moaned."

"I love you, Logan," she tells him sincerely. "Rants and all."

An indulgent smile spreads across his face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She smiles too. "I love all of you. The good, the bad… the morally questionable." He grins at that. "At the risk of sounding cheesy… you're The One."

"Me too. To all of that." He strokes her cheek with his thumb, looking into her eyes as he says softly, "Veronica, you've always been The One for me."

She swallows against the lump forming in her throat in response to his declaration.

"Even back when we were kids," he continues, "back when Lilly was alive, even when we 'hated' each other, there was just something about you. You got under my skin in a way no one else ever did and no one else ever could. Veronica, I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I want that, too," she admits, taking a deep breath, then licking her lips. "What I said the other week, about getting married… I know you think I was just coming at it from a practical standpoint—hey, don't deny it," she adds when he starts to protest. "And at the time, I probably was, but I've been doing some thinking, and you need to know that I do want it. For me."

"Really?" He looks a little shell-shocked at the revelation.

"Yeah," she confirms. "I mean, there's still this small part of me that's just a teeny bit scared, but at the end of the day, I love you. And I want to be with you, for the rest of my life."

"Seriously?" He's staring at her now, as if he can't make sense of the words coming out of her mouth. Veronica suppresses a smile at his befuddled expression.

"Yes, seriously." She nods firmly. "So, what do you say, Lieutenant Echolls… shall we get married?"

He looks at her consideringly for a moment, expression filled with affection, before saying, "No."

"What?" She blinks in shock, uncomprehending. "No? I thought you wanted—?"

"I do," he confirms. "Believe me, I do. But give a guy a chance to propose, huh?"

"Oh." Relief floods through her. Thank God. "Okay. Well… go on, then. Propose."

He studies her for a moment, then licks his lips, then gives a smirk. "Nope."

"What?" Veronica's feeling more confused by the second. What is he playing at? "Logan, if you're messing with me…"

He smiles, leaning in and rubbing his nose against hers before kissing her softly. "I'm not messing with you."

"I don't understand…" she murmurs, pulling back and looking at him searchingly.

"Look, I only plan to propose once in my life, and when I do, I want it to be special. And a surprise," he explains. "So, I'm not going to do it now."

"Right..." Veronica murmurs faintly. "Okay… well, uh, any idea when this proposal might happen?"

He just gives her a look. "Well, that would defeat the object of it being a surprise, wouldn't it? Gotta keep you on your toes."

He smirks, looking smug, which causes Veronica to narrow her eyes.

"Oh, you think you're so smart, don't you?"

He clicks his tongue in response, looking pleased with himself. "Yep."

Veronica just shakes her head in amusement, before saying, "Okay, fine. I'll let you have your surprise proposal."

"Thank you." He grins.

"So, now we've established where we stand on the whole proposal thing, what were you trying to get up for just now?"

"Oh, uh…" Logan chuckles. "I need to pee."

"Well, shit." She gives a soft laugh. "I'm sorry. I totally side-tracked you. You're probably ready to burst."

"Not far off," he admits.

"Come on," she offers her arm, helping him up. "Let's get you to the bathroom."