Chapter 2: Shit, Motherfucker

I want to scream. To take his face in between my hands and smush it as hard as possible. I want to kick him in the crotch and offer him ice and then melt the ice in front of his eyes. I want to shut the door and pretend like I never saw him. I want to hug him and tell him that I missed him.

Most of all, I want to just stop loving him. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with a memory now, a faded illusion of who he once was; nearly a decade has passed. Surely, we're both very different people now.

"Ren's here." I manage to say without breaking out in tears. My voice is firm and carries through the room. Eyes follow my voice to the door and a chorus of cheers echoes through the party.

I take this opportunity to walk right past him and continue my journey outside. I can't look at him, but I can feel his gaze follow me as I step out and he goes in. I slide the door shut behind me.

Success. Kind of.

On the deck, I take a deep breath of the cool air. My hands are shaking faster than my heart is racing. I'm pretty sure my stomach has incinerated itself. I feel weak.

A chill breeze lets me know that I am not alone. I know that breeze better than I can recognize my name sometimes. It calms me somewhat.

"You okay?" Hao asks me, actually concerned. He is being followed by a parade of cats, one of them snugly clinging to his calf.

Hao and I have a weird friendship. Mostly because no one ever associated Hao with Friends. He never intimidated me into liking him, unlike how he won over his followers. I don't know how it actually happened, but we enjoy each other's company quite a bit. I think it had something to do with the fact that he can still read minds and took pity on my lonely ass when I first moved down here. He's chilled out since the Shaman Fight, but can still be a bit of a Massive Fuck.

"Stay out of my head, Asakura." I make an X with my arms over my face.

"You know you'll have to wear a tinfoil hat to stop me." He teases.

"The only thing that'll accomplish is making me looking like a moron." I put my arms down as he approaches and sits next to me.

"Damn, my plans have been thwarted." He nudges me with a smile.

I give a half-assed chuckle.

"Want me to take you home? We can have our own party, with cats." Hao offers, nodding his head in the direction of my apartment.

"That's the craziest Cat Lady thing you've ever said. Thanks but, it's kind of rude to leave my brother's party because I'm a giant baby." I tuck my hair behind my ears and stare out into nothing.

"I'm surprised you're not crying. You're usually emotional when it comes to things concerning our favorite Forbidden Subject." He tries to get me to talk about it even though he knows exactly what's going on inside my head.

"You know me better than that. I've stopped crying in public." My soul is crushed and weeping in agony, I say mentally.

"You're still happy to see him, though."

"Of course I am." We sat in silence for a bit before I decided to change the subject. "Were you even invited?"

"That's the rudest question this Shaman King has ever heard," he fakes offense, "but no. I have nothing to say to your brother, really. I don't actually care. I had nothing better to do tonight, so I thought I might come by and see how many people I can make uneasy and see my girlfriend while I'm at it."

"You have to stop toying with people like that." I frown. "Do you want me to go get Mari?"

"She knows I'm here; she'll come out when she's done pretending to be helpful." He smiles reassuringly. "Besides, you're not ready to go back in there yet."

"They're gonna notice that I'm not in there soon enough." I get up. "You coming in?"

"Right behind you."

"Keep the cats outside." I slide the door open once more, "Hao's here." I announce nonchalantly. Immediately, the room's atmosphere tenses up. Conversations die down as all eyes watch Hao intensely.

"Relax," Hao holds his hands up in front of his chest, palms facing the onlookers, "I came to congratulate the couple." He walks towards Tamao and Onii-chan, who are used to him by now and know he means no harm. "Congratulations." He says with a smile.

Horo stands up and offers him a cup of sake, which Hao takes graciously. Tamao hands Onii-chan another cup of sake.

"Cheers." Hao and Onii-chan clank their cups and drink.

The tension in the room dissolves as everyone who has sake in their hand raises their up and drinks. Conversations resume and laughter fills the air. The room smells like old friendships. For a brief second, everything is right with this world that Yoh and Anna have stitched together with their kindness.

Mari and Hao find each other and step outside. Lyserg and Jeanne take Men and excuse themselves, telling Onii-chan and Tamao that they have to put the baby to bed.

I don't blame Lyserg for leaving so early. It can't be easy to enjoy yourself at a party knowing that your parents' murderer is there.

I look for a spot where I can spend the rest of the evening without being disturbed much.

Onii-chan and Tamao are engrossed in conversation with Ren, who has taken Chocolove's spot.

Hana has fallen asleep on Yoh, who is talking quietly with Anna near the newly-engaged couple.

Manta is talking to Chocolove about something a little further away than the rest of the action.

Ryū comes out from the kitchen with more food. Everyone begins to eat and amid conversation.

I feel alone.

A hand touches my shoulder and I jump slightly. Macchi offers me some food. I look at her and tell her that I'm not hungry, I might leave soon. Horohoro overhears this. He hears like a wolf.

"Don't be silly, Pirika!" Horo's cheeks are red from drinking. "It's barely 9:30. Stay a little longer; you're on summer break!" Looking at his disappointed face makes me feel bad. "Here," he motions towards himself with weak gestures, "sit next to Ren. Eat."

Oh, my brother. My dear, sweet, emotionally aloof brother, how I love you and your concern for me. You're always trying to make me feel like I belong wherever you are. But, tonight you're too drunk to realize that I, your sister, would rather gnaw my foot off than to sit next to Ren.

I take a seat next to Ren. He smiles at me and offers me a peach dumpling; his favorite.

I take one, not wanting to be rude.

Onii-chan hands me a cup of sake. I drink it in one swift move. He pours me another, which I hold in my hand until Ren turns to Onii-chan and I down that motherfucker like my life depends on it. I don't care that the taste is unpleasant to me and that my throat can produce enough steam to power a small train.

The evening goes on like this - I eat and drink and only chime in when I am addressed directly. My vision is blurry and I suddenly don't care that I'm sitting next to the first and only dude to break my heart.

I realize that it doesn't matter that he has a son. He could have twenty kids with just as many women, it doesn't change how I see him. See him.

I'm trying to focus on his face, I wonder if his cheeks are still full and his eyes are still the color of molten gold. I can't focus, I've had too much to drink. All I see is a peach blur in a sea of purple blur wearing black blur. He looks like a bruise.

Blue Blur and Pink Blur sit behind Bruise-colored Blur. I squint in an attempt to sharpen my vision.

"You tired, Pirika?" Onii-chan asks me without a hint of irony. He's never seen me drunk. Horo doesn't know what I look like tipsy, let alone when I'm almost shit-faced. I've been getting by by giving short answers and stuffing Ryū's delicious cooking into my mouth. This is my chance. I have to use this question as a segue to excuse me from the party. I gotta sell it.

"Mhm." I nod my head slowly in my brother's direction. The sound that escapes my mouth is a bit more high-pitched than normal. Shit, act normal.

"You wanna go home?" Tamao asks. I think she knows I'm not sober. Save me, Tamao!

"Ye." I try to act cool.

"I'll take you home." Ren offers and gets up, stretching his hand out to help me to my feet.

The world stops spinning around me. Panic begins to build itself in my chest.

I weigh my options: say no and make a scene, revealing to my brother that his precious angel baby sister is wasted; or go quietly and get home as soon as possible. The second option is the safest for my reputation. Besides, Ren is a gentleman and I am assured a safe passage home.

The second option also leads to the possibility of Sexy Times. Like I'm gonna say no to Sexy Times.

I take his hand. He helps me to my feet and I bid the rest of the party goodnight, trying to act sober. Horo says something along the lines of knowing he can rely on Ren to be a good friend. I want to scoff but I don't.

Walking is hard, but we make it to the door without anyone catching on. As soon as Ren shuts the door behind us, my knees give out slightly, forcing him to hold me by my waist. Feeling his grip around me makes me jump slightly. I make a face.

"Sorry," he says, not loosening his grip, "I would let go, but you'll fall."
I say nothing and keep walking towards the gate.

"My carriage is parked right outside the main entrance. You'll be home soon." there isn't any ill-intent in his voice. The kid just wants me to get home safe.

"Typical," I attempt to whisper.

"What was that?" He dares me to say it again.

"I said it's typical of you to come to Tokyo in a carriage, showing off." I manage to not slur my words.

"You're right." Ren conceded. WAIT. Ren conceded? Since when does that happen? Who the fuck is this guy?

I give him a puzzled look. He pays no mind and helps me out the front gate.

Finally, I can see his carriage. The white horse that's attached to it looks like the same one from our youth. How old is that freaking horse?

"Is that the same horsie I've met?" I didn't mean to say "horsie" - it slipped out.

"No, he's at home. This is his son." Ren explains, ignoring the fact that I referred to his steed the same way a child would.

After what seems like the Longest Walk Ever, we make it to the carriage. His chauffeur opens the door for us and he helps me in.

"Where to, sir?" The old man asks.

"Pirika, I need your address."

Holy shit, where do I live? I can't remember anything right now. The only coherent thought that I can come up with is a flashing neon sign in my head that says DON'T THROW UP IN THE CAR.

How am I going to get home? If I can't remember, will he take me to wherever he's staying? No, that can't happen.

I take out my phone and unlock it for him after a few failed attempts. He takes it from me and finds my address, telling Chauffeur Blur where to go.

"Is this your first time drinking?" Bruised-colored Blur asks me as soon as we take off. What a stupid question.

"No." I shut my eyes and lean on his arm.

"You're shit at holding your alcohol, then." This is the first time I've ever heard him cuss. I'm too shocked to be offended.

"Why aren't you drunk?" I can feel myself begin to slip into Sleep Mode.

"I don't drink." His voice is far from judgemental.

"Oh." I realize that this is the first conversation I've had with him in eight years. Good job, Pirika. Last time you had an actual conversation you were naked and now you're drunk. Excellent track record.

The carriage ride was over as soon as it began. We stopped in front of my building, my body feeling like lead.

"I'm going to help her up." Ren informs Chauffeur Blur. He gets out of the carriage and manages to get me out. Once he does, he throws me over his shoulder and heads for the stairs, telling me to grab on. I do as he says. We have three flights of stairs to climb before I can make it to my door. The ride isn't as smooth as I was hoping it would be, but we make it to my apartment before long. Ren asks for my keys, which I deposit in his hand behind his back.

His hair is so long. I want to touch it.

He opens my door and scans my apartment for a suitable place to lay me down. Luckily, my one-bedroom is small enough for him to find my bed in less than three seconds. He places me gently on my mattress.

"I'm going to take off your shoes." he warns me.

I let him undress my feet without any trouble.

Freedom.

I wiggle my toes in front of his face. Ren bats my feet down. "Do you want to put on your pajamas?"

"Do you want to put on your pajamas?" I ask him, giggling. Damn, my sheets feel good right now. Have they always been this soft? I wanna rub my face on them.

"I don't have any pajamas here." He plays along, bemused.

"That drawer!" I point to nothing. "It hez peejays fur all shaypz 'nd sizus."

"Aha." his tone remains serious. "Look, if you don't need anything else, I'm gonna take off. Where do you have a trashcan?"

"'Ere." I mumble.

"Where?"

"C'me 'ere." I motion for him to get close to my face. He plays along still, sitting on my bed and leaning into my personal space. "Imma tell ya."

"Yes?" he asks, looking into my eyes. Before I could stop myself, I grab his face with both my hands and kiss him.

Okay, this is where I know I'm going to start losing people. Just a warning, this is incredibly slow burn and the chapters are going to stay on the shorter side for a while.

The Pirika & Hao friendship thing was inspired by a fanfic I read back in the day by FFN's Micelle called He. For some reason, it makes sense to me that they're good friends. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯