Part I: Something Old, Something New
Arriving at the onsen, we find my brother and his fiancée folding laundry on the deck. They talk merrily without a care in the world. I'm happy my brother has found someone with whom it is so easy to get along. They look so effortlessly happy by being in each other's presence. I wonder if Ren and I will ever look like that to someone. I hope our relationship develops to that point.
Onii-chan notices us approaching and gives us a big smile. Although we are no longer holding hands, we still arrive together, I am still holding Men's diaper bag.
"Hey, Tao! You didn't try anything with my sister, did you?" Onii-chan teases, not knowing that he doesn't want to hear the truth. He thinks he's being clever. If only he knew.
"Of course not." Ren technically isn't lying. I came on to him. He didn't try anything with me, while I had him strip in my apartment and keep me company for the night. He was a perfect gentleman.
"I knew I could count on you." Onii-chan finger-guns Ren with a SNAP and goes back to folding. "She's too good for you, anyways."
"Onii-chan, you say that about everyone." I play along, acting more innocent than I am.
"Well, it's true!" Onii-chan crosses his arms, wrinkling the t-shirt in his arms. Tamao looks at him, bemused. He hands over the t-shirt with big puppy eyes for Tamao to fix. Noticing the baby in Ren's arms, Onii-chan stands.
"Hey, Little Man, how you doin'?" Onii-chan puts his hand up in front of Men. "High five!" The child in Ren's arms cautiously, but willingly, high fives Horohoro. My brother smiles and takes Men out of Ren's arms. He looks so natural carrying a baby. Then again, Onii-chan's always liked kids.
Tamao turns to Men and pats him on the head.
Men doesn't seem to mind being around them. He seems a lot more at ease with them than he did with me earlier today. Looking at the scene made me sure that these two are going to make great parents.
We head inside with the others. Everyone from last night who isn't on a plane is already here, prepping and getting ready to eat.
The onsen is alive with my old friends talking, laughing, and drinking. I am able to enjoy the ambiance a lot better than I was able to last night. Yoh's BoB album plays in the background.
I see Seyram and Redseb gathered around a smaller table with Opacho and Hana. Opacho looks like she's reading a book, while Hana colors. Tamao takes Men to join the young ones. Hana gives Men some crayons and a blank sheet of paper. He scribbles in purple and blue.
Brunch goes smoothly. Ryū 's food is amazing, as always. The conversation topics range from making an annual get-together to taking a group vacation somewhere. We all miss each other so much, the room is filled with love and companionship. There are a lot of hugs given and kind words spoken.
I've missed this.
Petty arguments and disagreements that we had years ago melt away and leave behind deep appreciation for one another. The Shaman Fight is brought up a few times, reflecting on how far we've come and how much we still have to go.
Most of us aren't millionaires or internationally renown, but we're happy just having such an incredible group of friends. I am truly grateful for the people I have in my life. I realize how much I needed their constant validation and support these last eight years. I'm not letting them go again. Especially not Ren. Even if things don't work out between us romantically, I'll always want him as my friend.
I want this to work out.
After we eat, the younger kids are put down for a nap. Manta is the first to leave, excusing himself due to having to work early tomorrow morning. Being the head of his company, he has to be in good shape at all times.
Hao stops by to bug us; his reception is better than last night's. He and Mari sneak off for a while.
Redseb, Seyram, and Opacho all leave together to go see a movie.
Chocolove, whose sentence was reduced and sprung out of prison early due to good behavior, leaves to catch his plane later tonight. He now heads an organization for troubled youth in the States. He's healing people with the power of laughter. Laughter. Laughter like the kind that has been echoing through the onsen all afternoon. Laughter that eases minds and comforts lost souls. Laughter that makes you feel like you belong.
I belong.
Ren decides to leave at around 6:30, leaving me a bit disappointed that he doesn't stay long enough to accompany me home. Before he goes, he takes me aside and tells me that he's in town for a few more days and would like to spend them with me. I agree and put my number into his phone. I tell him to text me in the morning so I can get up and be ready in time.
This is real.
I go home after helping clean up. There isn't much of a mess, but I wash dishes and help Ryū prep the kitchen for tomorrow. I go home alone, taking in the few stars I can see in the night sky. The air is warm and comforting. Even though today got off to a weird start, it made me feel like my boring life was going to take a turn for the exciting and pleasantly chaotic. I don't know how I've lasted this long with an uneventful life after the Shaman Fight. I need the commotion like a fish needs water.
Arriving at home, I check my cellphone. I get a message from Ren telling me that his hotel has a pool Men's been eyeing and to bring a swimsuit. He even texts me his room number, which judging by the floor, is the penthouse suite. The penthouse suite of one of the most expensive hotels in Tokyo for a man only a year older than me and his two-year-old son. Show off.
I go to bed emotionally exhausted in the best possible way. I realize that my life is going in a generally positive direction. I'm a top student in my class, my brother is getting married to one of my best friends, and Ren … Ren is back in my life. If this is a dream, don't wake me.
Part II: Testing the Waters
I wake up early to the sound of my loud alarm, take a quick shower, eat a small breakfast, and dress for the day. I decide to wear a sensible one-piece bathing suit under my tank top and shorts. I don't want to be ostentatious or like I'm trying too hard, especially in front of Men.
Normally when bathing suits and suitors are involved, I like to show as much skin as possible. I like to watch the desire in their eyes grow. I love to watch them fidget and wish they could throw me down and ravish me on the spot. I get immense satisfaction from watching their frustration skyrocket when they can't touch me the way they want to because we're in public, that they make any excuse to get me alone. I know how to play people; I don't want to play Ren. I want him to see me as a person worth getting to know, not a sex trophy.
With a final glance at myself in the mirror, I fix my fair and walk out of my apartment. The nerves start getting to me as I close the door. Calm down, Pirika. Today is going to be a good day.
When I get to his hotel, I feel out of place in the worst way. Here I am, dressed like a schoolgirl on holiday, and there the other patrons go, dressed like they're about to change the world. Quickly, I find the elevators to take me to Ren's room. Gilded and glass, the elevator I step into is wide and impressive.
A team of people who look like important executives hop in with me, chatting on their cellphones in very demanding voices. If things with Ren and me go well, will this be my life? The Farm Girl in booty shorts and spaghetti-straps next to a three-piece-suit-wearing business tycoon? Shouldn't Ren be with someone more refined? Jeanne had the perfect finishing school education and she didn't last. Maybe what he needs is the eccentric Ainu girl from Hokkaidō. At this point, I can only hope.
I get to his penthouse suite, trying not to act impressed at his luxurious amenities. Oh, is that a private kitchen with the option of a personal chef? No big deal. The master suite is larger than my entire apartment? Too bad the decorator wasted the space by making it look barren and without personality? So, the place comes with a gold toilet? Unimpressive and wasteful. You spend ¥10,000 per night? Chump change. Of course, Ren didn't point any of this out; he has manners. What I didn't expect was that the pool Men had been eyeing was inside their suite and extends out into the balcony. An infinity pool.
Here, I thought I'd be diving into a pool filled with rich strangers who won't even get their head wet because they're too busy making deals via bluetooth devices, and rubbing elbows with kids that have more in their bank accounts than I do. Turns out, I'll be swimming and lounging in a private pool without having to care about bringing down Ren's appearance. I can relax.
The day goes by swimmingly (pardon the pun). Ren has a personal chef make us a delightful lunch and I get to spend the day living the high life. This is new to me, somewhat. I like it.
We talk and get to know each other in small increments. I get to see how he interacts with his son in private. How Men always looks to his dad for guidance. How Ren regularly asks his son if he's having a good time or needs something.
It makes me feel accomplished when Men wants me to catch him as he repeatedly jumps into the pool from the tall ledge. I've never been hit in the face with floaties so many times before.
The day ends with us smelling like chlorine and excited to see each other again. Men asks me if I want to go to the zoo tomorrow. I tell him that I would like nothing more. Ren and I make plans to meet early in the morning to make the most of the day. He has to catch a plane to China on Wednesday at midday and wants to make sure Men has enough time to rest.
The zoo also goes well. We walk around all the whole damn thing, taking our time at each of the enclosures. The weather is perfect for a summer day, it made holding Ren's hand easy since our palms don't get sweaty. Men is excited to see the komodo dragon, disappointed to find out that it's the closest thing to a real dragon he'll see today. We eat frozen lemonade and buy animal-shaped balloons. I get Men and myself matching safari explorer hats. We wear them for the rest of the day.
It's weird seeing Ren take a stroller around the zoo, giving in to his son's every whim and desire. He mentions how he doesn't get to spoil Men much since he's usually off with Jeanne and Lyserg. And when he does see his son, Ren is often too busy at work to come home early, so he only gets to see Men in the mornings, just before Men goes to bed, and half the day on Sundays.
Jeanne and Lyserg keep Men for two weeks and then ship him to China for the next two. Ren worries about Men's schooling, having half a mind to homeschool his son, just as he and Jeanne had been, in order for the boy to be able to see both his parents without classes and grades getting in the way. Being a single parent seems taxing.
After the zoo, I join the boys back to their hotel room. Men asks me to read him a bedtime story. To my astonishment, he hands me a book of Chinese mythology - no watered down fairytales here. I read him one that involves a dragon, since he's all about that right now. Putting Men to bed is easy: pajama the boy, brush his teeth, tuck him in, read to him, and voila! The child sleeps soundly when we left the room. I realize that Ren does this every night. The patience he's developed from having a son is impressive. Being a parent is wild.
Ren and I sit down on the couch in the lounge area of his suite. The white leather couch is twice the size of mine. I hate white leather.
Exhausted, we cuddle on the couch, staring out at the sunset. You can see most of Tokyo from his room.
We don't say anything, but so much is being conveyed through our physical actions. Ren's arm is wrapped around my shoulder, gently stroking my arm. My legs rest on his lap, while my head is tucked under his chin. We fit like a puzzle. My body is calm. I can feel his heartbeat and I am happy. I've never experienced something like this before. Has Ren? Is this what he and Jeanne used to be like?
My anxiety gets the best of me, wanting to distract myself from my thoughts of hopelessness, I kiss Ren. He kisses me back with more tongue than I had given him. I would be turned on if it weren't for the thought of his son in the other room. I just can't do things knowing that there's a child nearby.
I break the kiss, placing my hand on his cheek and ask him if he'd like to continue, he has to ask me out. He laughs, leave it to Pirika. I like to feel like I'm being pursued, not like I'm the one asking to be loved.
"Go out with me." Ren says. It isn't a question, nor is it a suggestion, it's a straight up command. His self-assurance turns me on.
"Okay." I smile at him, pressing my forehead against his. I give him a quick peck on the lips before burrowing my head between his neck and shoulder. He hugs me close to his body and lets out a deep breath. Ren hasn't changed that much, after all.
We decided to hold off on having sex until we can decide whether or not this will work out. He tells me he doesn't want to rush into anything and base our relationship off of physical pleasures and I agree.
Normally, I sleep with my suitors and boyfriends about a day or two of "dating". The quickest I've ever hopped into bed with someone was after an hour and a half of meeting them. I regret nothing. He was very hot. This, however, is a challenge for me. I don't know how to be vulnerable. All I know is how to build walls around me and keep people out. I don't know how to be a girlfriend. I only know how to be a lover - and a shallow one, at that. I've never had those late night talks that fade into the morning. I've never told anyone that I love them in a romantic way. I don't cuddle after sex and I don't hold hands during. Or, rather, haven't yet.
What the hell does a girlfriend even do? I want to ask my friends in relationships, but that would sell me out. Besides, Anna is Anna and all she does is boss Yoh around. Maybe she's warmer behind closed doors. Mari and Hao are always fighting about something. Tamao and Onii-chan, while inspiring, are … classic? They do all that gooey B Movie bullshit where they go out on wholesome dates on Friday nights and get back at a reasonable hour. Although, he's taken her on a few overnight trips to Hokkaidō, I doubt their love life is exciting.
I don't expect Ren to be a mushy, teenage romance novel boyfriend. I don't expect him to call me everyday or to text me with emoticons. I don't expect him to want to have deep, meaningful conversations in the wee hours of the morn' after a good roll in the hay, if we ever get there.
But, what if he is that kind of boyfriend? What if he's the kind of guy who likes to take late night walks around the park and look at the moon? I mean, I love astronomy, so why am I complaining? Does he hold hands and kiss pretty? Will he tell me that I look good when I show up to our dates? Will we have dates out on the town like normal people or will we be secluded in my apartment since we're keeping this hush-hush?
When it's time to leave, he tells me that he'll be in touch. I tell him to take care and thank him for everything. Before I turn my back and make my way towards the elevator, he kisses me passionately and holds my hand until I slip away. He doesn't shut his door until he sees the elevator doors closing.
I go home thinking about what this means for me. Young Pirika is throwing a party inside my brain, rejoicing that the one she loves is back in her life. Sober Adult Pirika, while content, is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ren is a great guy. He's a hard worker and loves his son. He wants to take his time to get to know me before sex has the chance to cloud either of our judgements. Damn, Pirika, maybe you found someone worthy of dating.
I don't realize how giddy with excitement I am until I reach my apartment.
I catch myself smiling in the bathroom mirror. I keep thinking about the future I have with Ren. I'll consider myself lucky if we make it more than six months, there's always a chance the situation will get too difficult. After all, a lot of variables that can hurt our relationship can come into play.
First, there's Men. He's not a problem, per se, but what if he doesn't like me? Ren doesn't seem like the type of person to tell his son to suck it up. He'll figure that the boy must have a good reason for not trusting me and break it off.
Second, there's the distance. Long distance relationships are hard enough as it is. How much harder will it be to date the head of a multibillion dollar corporation?
Finally, there's Horohoro. Everything about Nii-chan will make this tricky. Nii-chan and Ren are best friends, the chances of Nii-chan taking the news well are slim. Not to mention that Ren used to be in love with him. Oh, Pirika, this could get bad.
As I fall asleep, I think about the last two hours Ren and I spent overlooking this life-changing city. I gently brush my lips with my fingertips, still in disbelief that exactly what I wanted fell into my lap in a matter of hours. Wow. I decide to not focus on the potential problems. Everything has a solution. If it doesn't work out, it won't be because I toyed with him nor will it be because our relationship is based on sex. This makes me feel better. I look forward to our future. I look forward to our first date.