A/N: Apologies for the delay in this! I've went back to work and things are chaotic as always. I do have a bank of these to post, so expect another in the next few days! Also, after receiving a rather negative review, my confidence in my writing was knocked as well as my confidence in posting my writing. I've always said that i value every single review left and I do, which is why I took what was written to heart a little. Had it not been for HalsteadPD and a few others, you wouldn't be getting any more in this little universe! So thank you to them for picking me back up and pushing me back in the direction of writing again.

Next update: Tuesday!
Playlist Update: Wednesday!

Enjoy!

The second that Detective Jay Halstead couldn't fasten the Kevlar vest securely on his partner, was the second that Detective Erin Lindsey assigned herself to desk duty. She may have only been six months pregnant, but she and Jay had agreed when she returned to Intelligence that if she couldn't safely go on raids with them, she wouldn't. At first, she'd argued, but when Jay had pointed out that she couldn't just think about herself know, that he couldn't just worry about her that she'd realised that she had to act, and that action was taking her vest off and pulling herself out of the raid.

With a plea for Jay to stay safe, a reassurance from Al that he would be safe and Jay bending to place a kiss on her growing bump sneakily when everyone else had gotten into their cars, earing himself with a head rub and a laugh as he walked away from her.

Which is something that became tradition.

July was always a month that had some kind of drama. The heat, the celebrations, the fireworks and alcohol; usually brought out the worst in people. Which was why, on July 2nd, Erin found herself standing in the garage that Intelligence used while the rest of the unit readied themselves to go out on a raid.

"You guys are gonna call in SWAT, right?" Erin asked as she watched them gear up; meticulously checking their bullets and guns, then checking each other's, then checking their own again. Three days from her due date, she really shouldn't have been there, she should have taken her maternity leave by now; but she had argued the point that all she was doing was answering phones and doing paper work, so what was the issue?

"If we feel the need." Voight asked, adjusting the straps of his vest, a small shrug of his shoulders.

"Hank, the guy has already killed four cops, you wanna take that risk?" Erin asked incredulously, earning herself a look from Jay, a silent plea to ask her to calm down.

"Well I'm not exactly going to stroll in through the front door, Erin." Hank chuckled, holstering his weapon. "I'll assess the situation when I get there." He reiterated, voice harsher than it was before when Erin opened her mouth to interject.

"Hank—"

"—When you get your stripes, when you lead a team? You can make the call." Hank held his hand up to signal that the conversation was over and he grabbed the duffle he was holding and took it to his car, Burgess, Atwater and Ruzek following closely behind. When Jay zipped his duffle as Erin paced, silently fuming, Dawson grabbed both his bag and Jay's and headed to their car.

"Hey," Al spoke softly, a hand on her shoulder, "Don't you go worrying about us, we're gonna be back for that baby shower of yours." He gave her a lopsided grin, squeezing her shoulder and walking away, leaving Jay and Erin both standing by the table.

"I—" Erin began, but Jay silenced her with a kiss, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her as close to him as he could, soothingly rubbing her lower back as he gazed down at her. She brought her hands up to grip onto his vest, swallowing hard before speaking again. "Something doesn't feel right, okay?"

"With the baby?" his eyes were wide, panic in his tone and Erin had to smile, shaking her head at him.

"No, baby and I are fine," Erin promised him and pressed a kiss to his lips. "This isn't going to do you any good." She muttered tugging at the Kevlar vest, eyes filling with tears.

"Babe," Jay huffed, "you're assuming this guy is going to get a shot off before I do. I feel like you don't know me at all." His voice was light, teasing, trying to make her feel better about the situation.

"Jay, I'm serious." Erin sighed, "if I could get away with it, I'd ask you to stay."

"You know I can't do that, Erin." Jay told her softly, his fingers kneading at her back. "I wear this badge to serve and protect this city, if a guy is out there with cop killer bullets shooting at random people and I do nothing? I don't deserve the badge."

"I know, which is why I wouldn't ask you to stay."

"Halstead," Voight yelled from the driver's window, "When you're ready. That would be great."

Jay turned back to Erin and raised an eyebrow, both of them laughing before he bent to sneak a kiss to her bump; earning himself a head rub and the sweet sound of her laughter as he booked it to Antonio's car and climbed in the passenger side.

Paperwork was a bitch; but the unit had never been more efficient now that they had someone to run the paperwork and do the write ups. She'd changed the filing system to something more manageable and she'd taken some computer classes in order to be able to build databases that were easily accessible for the unit and their open cases. She'd also rearranged the breakroom, twice – Burgess and Ruzek helped, because she shouldn't be doing that and Adam was genuinely afraid that Jay might kill him if he let her – the unit had drawn the line when she wanted to rearrange the bullpen, however, because it's fine the way it is.

Nesting. Platt had told her. She was nesting and Erin had wrinkled her nose and offered to tidy up the rest of the precinct, which she had begun to do before Platt had received complaints that Erin had threatened a couple of rookies when they didn't put something back properly and had sent her back upstairs. Jay had laughed himself into a coughing fit when Platt relayed the information.

So now, when they went on raids, Erin would listen on the scanner and stay at her desk and do paperwork, or buy baby things, or hunt Pinterest for nursery ideas, or read the numerous parenting books, making notes about the advice. It was silly, she knew, because so far the 12 books she'd read had some widely different opinions on how to raise a child and she was even more lost now than ever.

Jay had taken to playing rap music for the baby whenever he thought she was asleep, so now the bullpen was filled with the sound of Mozart – or was it Bach? – because that was the consensus in the baby books to play to help development. The unit had been gone for over an hour now, and Erin was sure that Hank had to have called in SWAT. So now, to ease that uneasy feeling she'd had since Hank had called the raid and turned Mozart off and the scanner on.

The scanner crackled to life; instructions coming thick and fast; Al's voice requesting SWAT and Erin smirked because she knew that Voight would kill him for going over his head. As Al relayed their location; the heavy gunfire in the background had Erin's skin prickling; there were too many shots for them all to be firing at one shooter.

The next thing she heard made her blood run cold. In the background of the transmission she heard Adam screaming Jay's name; a stuttering silence in the nearby gunfire and then –

"10-1, 10-1, officer down. I repeat, officer down, roll an ambo. Now." Antonio's voice filled the airwaves and Erin felt herself go numb, everything else on the scanner white noise. She felt the bile rise in her throat and barely made it to the trash can beside her desk before she was heaving; gasping for breath in between as she clutched the trash can tightly, slipping off the chair and crashing to her knees, as she continued to be sick.

A gentle voice filtered through the fog as she continued to dry heave, body trembling as she fought for control. Soon there was a set of hands pressing a cold compress to both her forehead and her neck, continuing to whisper soothing words. Erin however, was too far gone. She couldn't stop the shaking, couldn't stop the cold that was settling into her bones. Jay.

"…when you're ready, we'll go."

Erin raised her head, eyes meeting the person's eyes who had offered those words. Although it had taken a long time for the words to filter through, Erin knew that Sargent Platt meant that they'd go to the hospital. That Platt would take her, siren's blaring, to Med. Where Jay would be. Should be. Getting help.

"Easy," Trudy told her, letting go of the cloths to support Erin as she tried to get up quickly, stumbling back down to her knees again. "You're fine. It's going to be fine." She soothed, slowly sitting Erin up and back onto the chair, opening the bottle of water and handing her it, making sure she sipped slowly.

"I gotta see him," Erin rasped, her voice huskier than usual, hands trembling as she tried to get the cap back on the bottle before handing it back over to Trudy and slowly standing, grabbing her phone and keys and looking determinedly at the other woman.

"Ready?" Trudy asked and it was only then did Erin notice she already had keys in her hand and her cap on her head. Not trusting her voice, Erin nodded and made to walk towards the stairs, only to have Trudy grab her arm.

"I'm parked in the garage, didn't think you'd wanna have to face anyone." She told her and Erin felt sick all over again. It must have shown on her face because Trudy picked up the trashcan and led Erin down stairs.

The scene when they arrived at Med could only be described as chaos. There were officers everywhere, nurses everywhere, people yelling and pushing and multiple people yelling to get Conor down her now.

Erin slowly moved her way through the crowd until Platt caught up and then everyone knew she was there. Platt was loud and efficient, sending everyone who wasn't directly involved in protection detail away. In seconds, Natalie had made an appearance and the look on her face caused Erin's knees to give way underneath her.

"Erin, hey, hey Erin." Natalie and Trudy both grabbed for her, Maggie also appearing as if from nowhere, to help them get her into the staffroom, the closest available room for them to use. "Hey," Natalie soothed as Erin felt her bottom lip tremble, the sobs she'd been holding down threatening to spill.

"Jay." It should have been a question; but it came out like a plea and Natalie slipped to the floor, holding onto Erin's hands and taking a deep breath, "Oh, no. No. Natalie, no." Erin began to sob then and Natalie pulled her in for a hug, trying to settle her.

"Erin, hey, listen to me." Natalie tried, leaning back to catch Erin's eyes. "He's alive," Natalie whispered and Erin's eyes met hers. "Ethan's got him, Conor is on his way down. He's got a battle on his hands, but this is Jay we're talking about." Natalie told her softly, gripping her hands tightly.

"He's alive?" Erin asked, hope and disbelief colouring her voice as she tried to search Natalie's face for any signs that she was lying.

Natalie nodded, "he's fighting for you. For both of you." Natalie smiled, her gaze moving to Maggie who was hovering. "Which is why I need you to go with Maggie and get yourself checked over."

"I wanna see Jay." Erin insisted, standing up just as the door to the staffroom opened and Antonio entered, covered in what she assumed was Jay's blood and she let out another sob, her hand clasping over her mouth as she tried to compare herself.

"They're getting ready to take him upstairs," Tony's voice was broken, sounding exactly like Erin felt and Erin knew she had to act fast, moving quickly past Natalie and Tony, yanking the door open and heading for the only room she knew he would be. He wouldn't be in Trauma 1. Nor would he be in Trauma 2. That wasn't Choi's playground. Baghdad, however? That's the only place he would be if Ethan was treating him and her teammate was covered in that much blood.

She stumbled to a stop when the gurney came out of the room; April pausing causing Conor and Ethan to yell at her and then stop too, turning to face Erin.

"Thirty seconds, Lindsey then we go." Conor snapped and Erin had to remind herself not to tear him a new one right there and then. She moved towards the gurney and bit her bottom lip, Jay hated to see her cry and he really wasn't in any position to hold her and make a joke right now. He looked so still. So pale. Long lashes curled against freckled cheeks, blood spattering over his skin. He looked so young and Erin allowed herself a small sob as she leaned down to press a kiss to his lips, not daring to look anywhere other than his face as the baby inside of her began to kick rapidly causing her to press a hand to her stomach.

"Erin," Ethan said softly, "We really need to get him upstairs if he has any chance—"

Erin cut him off; nodding and then leaning in to press another kiss to Jay's lips. "Come back to me. To us."

"We gotta go." Conor interrupted, moving the gurney and leaving Maggie to peal Erin away and take her to a treatment room.

What Erin didn't see; was the mess the treatment room Jay had just came out of was in. She didn't see the blood-soaked sheets, the gauze littering the floor. Nor did she see Will Halstead, covered in blood, his brother's blood, curled up on the floor in a corner of the room.

The next two days past in a blur. Jay had been shot in the side. The bullet had broken his ribs, punctured his lung, perforated a kidney and had exited his back. Not hitting his heart at they had first feared. The first surgery had gone well. The second hadn't gone as well as they hoped, leaving Jay needing surgery number three. They had been advised that the first 12 hours were critical. Then the first 24. Then 36. And now 48. Erin, however, didn't have any more time. Maggie and Natalie had been forcing her to have the baby monitored, to eat, to rest, to drink fluids.

Voight, Dawson, Al…the whole unit had been in and out. Bringing her things, speaking to her. Talking to Jay as he lay in the bed, covered in wires and tubes and blankets. Platt, however, had only left once to pack and bag and shower and then come back. Erin had no idea why she wouldn't leave, but it had become comforting to know that she'd be there when Natalie and Maggie wouldn't take no for an answer.

Will however, had been strangely absent.

He hadn't once visited Jay while he was in ICU and Erin needed to know why. She'd sent Platt looking for him as she sat next to Jay's bed, holding his hand, reading him the news and relaying the sports stats.

"You know, they've cut back on your sedative." Erin grinned, "You should be waking up." She told him, "So the fact you're not, I'm taking it as an insult."

Erin sighed, leaning in to press a kiss to his hand. "Baby's due tomorrow, Jay." She whispered, voice cracking on the words as she fought the tears. "I can't do this without you. I don't want to. I could have, I had the choice. I didn't need to call you, but I did. Jay, you need to wake up. Please." Erin only stopped talking when she felt the tears fall, wiping them away quickly. She rested her head against his hand, breathing deeply as she shifted against the uncomfortable twinges she'd been having; baby obviously wasn't comfortable and was giving her indigestion.

She wasn't sure how long she sat like that; watching him breathe, the steady rise and fall of his chest relaxing her, her fleeting glances to the screen to see that his heart was beating nice and strong. They'd taken him off of the ventilator earlier that day and he was holding his own, keeping his doctors happy and Erin hopeful.

"You wanted to see me," the voice came from the doorway and Erin's eyes shot up, Will hovering in the doorway, looking everywhere but at the bed.

"I just wanted to know how you were." Erin spoke, her head still resting on her and Will's joined hands, her elbow on the bed.

"Erin," Will's voice was much like her own and she smiled sympathetically at him.

"He's gonna be okay." She started, "he looks a lot better than she did." The words were added on, quieter than the first, she turned her head to press another kiss to his hand and Will took a couple of shaky steps into the room, sucking in a breath when he caught sight of his little brother.

He said nothing, but Erin watched as he wrestled with himself, his fight or flight reflex kicking in and he whispered his apologies before leaving the room. Erin sighed and turned to look at Jay again, opening her mouth to speak when the hand in hers gripped onto her and she let out a sob instead.

"It's okay, babe. Its okay." She muttered, kissing his hand again as she settled down again, squeezing back.

"I'm not doing this without him," Erin yelled, her body covered in a sheen of sweat as she gasped in pain, gripping the side of the bed and glaring when Platt offered her a hand. "I want Jay. He needs to be here."

"Erin, that's not going to happen. He's hooked up to so many machines." Natalie told her from the corner of the room. "He can't get out of bed and he can't stay awake for longer than 5 minutes at a time."

"I'm not doing it."

"Erin. You don't have a choice."

Erin glared at the woman, the searing pain causing her to sob. Shortly after Jay had gripped her hand, he'd opened his eyes and she'd never been so glad to see those baby blues. There had been a flurry of activity and they'd promised him a move to a ward as soon as he was able to sit up comfortably and drink some water. That had been 18 hours ago and Erin now found herself without a birthing partner.

"Get him." She begged, "please, I need him." She hated how desperate she sounded. But she couldn't help herself, she never imagined a world in which she'd need to do this with Jay. Hadn't thought about children until she'd woken up wrapped up in his arms the first time and found herself thinking about how nice it would be to do that every day.

"Erin," Natalie sighed, "the baby is coming now. You have to—"

"Erin!"

All heads swung around to the door, where Will was pushing Jay in a wheelchair, still hooked up to two machines and looking like hell. Natalie glared at Will who shrugged.

"Jay," Erin sobbed, holding a hand out for his, meaning Will had to try and move the chair towards the bed in such a way that Jay was fully supported but could still hold Erin's hand properly. Platt was staring in disbelief, but she was first to spring into action, grabbing some pillows to prop Jay up with, making a gagging noise when he kissed Erin.

"I promised I wouldn't miss this." He spoke, voice soft, exhaustion etched in every single feature and Erin felt a pang of guilt before another contraction ripped through her causing her to groan and grip his hand. "I've never broken a promise to you." He told her, leaning in to press a kiss to her hand, just as she had been doing to him for the past 2 days.

"Okay, Erin, on the next contraction I want you to push." The midwife told her and Platt let out another gagging noise, grabbing Will and Natalie and dragging them out of the room, causing Jay to chuckle and then wince in pain.

"I'm here, baby, I got you." Jay told her, even as it was obvious that he was fighting exhaustion.

The two hours between Jay entering the room and the second that Camille Marie Halstead came screaming into the room were the longest of Erin's life. She'd taken pity on Jay and allowed him to fall asleep, with the promise of waking him before the baby was born and he never once let go of her hand the entire time.

Erin had woken him up, with the help of the nurse in the room and he'd been there the second that Millie had been born. The second her cries had filled the room, the second that the nurse announced that Erin had given birth to a girl? Erin would never forget that look on Jay's face, the way his eyes lit up and filled with tears. She'd never seen a look that was so joyful and peaceful that brought tears to her eyes.

Jay had leaned up onto the bed, ignoring the way the nurses chastised him, pressing a kiss to Erin's lips, tasting both of their tears as he giggled.

"Healthy set of lungs." Jay joked and Erin nodded, whispering words to the screaming bundle in her arms. "Thank you," he told her, pressing a kiss to Millie's head, earning himself a kiss on the head from Erin.

"Thank you for coming back to me." Erin muttered, smiling at Jay as the nurses began to buzz around to do checks.

"That was never in doubt." He told her firmly.

"Does daddy want a quick cuddle with the baby right now?" The midwife asked kindly and Jay beamed, nodding and wincing as he settled himself back into the wheelchair with the aid of the nurse. Any fear he may have had about dropping her melted away when she was placed in his arms, and then he couldn't help himself, his father's rules be damned. The moment he set eyes on the blue gaze of his daughter, he let the tears freely fall, completely unable to take his eyes off her for a second.

"Welcome to the world, Millie." He told her, "You're going to run this joint, I swear."

Erin leaned back on the pillow and watch her partner whisper promises to their daughter, vowing to love her and support her for as long as he could. It took her a few seconds to work out how the words were familiar. The words to the children's book he'd been reading her every night, he'd memorized them. Memorized the book, and he was reciting it to their daughter moments after she'd been born and Erin Lindsey found herself falling in love with Jay Halstead all over again.

As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.