A/N: So, in a break with tradition, this little piece picks up right after the last chapter! Shock Horror, I know. One of my reviewers left a song in a previous review for the Linstead Playlist and I am working on something for it, but I'm not sure whether to post it as a Lullaby Chapter or a Playlist chapter because it works well in both!
Once again a huge thank you to you all for read, following, favouriting and reviewing this. It makes me happy! Ya'll rock!
Erin smiled as she stroked the 5 o'clock shadow across Jay's jaw, his lashes fluttering open and giving her a breath-taking smile, moving so his head was closer to her, resting on her shoulder as his eyes slipped closed again and the smile slowly faded from his face. She pressed a kiss to his hairline, pulling the blankets up a little higher, making sure he was warm enough. Sharon Goodwin had organized for Jay to be cared for in Erin's room for the time being, even going so far as to bring in a larger bed. Jay had put up such an argument that it had been decided that he was going to be allowed to stay with his girls due to fear of him actually hurting himself any further.
He'd been in and out of consciousness. The shooting and recovery pulling at his energy reserves, but he'd held himself awake long enough to hold Millie, to call the relevant people, to watch her feed. Jay had been in awe of her, so gentle, so soft. He never raised his voice above a whisper when he spoke to her; and it made Erin's heart swell at how much he cherished their new addition. She'd been worried that he'd want a boy, someone to carry on the family name, to throw a football around with and kick one around with, too. She knew, though, that Millie would still be able to do all of those things and more, because Jay never seemed like the type to discriminate between boys and girls.
All of Intelligence had been to visit in the past 12 or so hours, Ethan and April had popped up, too. Will had gotten as far as the doorway before his beeper had went off and he'd charged back out of the room. Natalie had also walked into the doorway, but said she was waiting for Will to come any further. So Erin let Jay sleep. She let him rest his head on her shoulder and fall asleep before gently rolling him back onto his back and rolling onto her side to rest her head on his shoulder. Trying to get him to lay on his back was almost impossible, so she'd taken to using him as a body pillow in order to watch Millie as she lay in her crib. That way, Jay could still be hooked up to his IVs and Erin could still be comfortable and have the best view.
This wasn't her ideal. This wasn't how she envisioned bringing their child into the world. She'd thought about it, long before Bunny and the FBI. Long before he'd even moved into her apartment. Long before she even realised she wanted children. They'd been working a case, just before Justin had passed away, and one of the suspects was pregnant and her boyfriend had left her high and dry. It had gotten Erin thinking about what would she do if she was pregnant and it had become the topic of conversation with Jay during the stake out.
"If you got someone pregnant, would you leave them?"
"What?" he turned to her, that damn eyebrow raised with the most adorable look of alarm across his face as he looked at her then to her navel and back up.
"If you got a woman pregnant would you leave?" There was a pause and she swore that all colour had drained from his face before she sighed, "I'm not pregnant Jay, I'm thinking about Tasha."
"Oh." He was quiet for a few minutes. "I'd be there; even if I wasn't with the woman." His voice was deceptively soft and Erin studied him. "I'd be around, be there to help. I couldn't be an absent father. Kids need two parents in their lives." He looked like he was going to say more; but movement caught his attention and he'd smirked, radioing in asking permission to take them down.
Erin smiled at the memory, how honest he'd been and how she'd believed him whole heartedly. The thought rose unbidden into her mind of the fact he was here too because he'd been shot, the sheer amount of blood he'd been covered in. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't feel the bed shift or the soft hand on her face.
"Hey, Erin, babe, what is it?" his sleep roughened voice pulled her out of her thoughts as he softly wiped the tears from her eyes, wincing as he turned, glaring when she pushed him onto his back again.
"Nothing, hormones." She tried to wave him off, sniffling and moving closer to him so he didn't have the option other than to lay there. It didn't stop him frowning and pulling her down for a soft kiss, though, nor did it stop him moving his arm to wrap around her and hold her close to him.
"Talk to me, we promised that there would be no secrets this time around." Jay whispered softly against her head, pressing a kiss to her hair when she tried to speak. "I know a woman's hormones are nuts right after the birth, I know that all the books said so, but there's something in this. I know you Erin Lindsey." He told her emphatically, allowing her to lift her head to look at him, so much emotion shining in her eyes and he smiled at her.
"I could have lost you. We could have lost you." She told him, glancing over at the sleeping baby in the cot, a fresh set of tears spilling down her cheeks and over his fingers, causing him to bring his other hand to his hairline and move, the fact that she didn't fight him this time proving the only way he managed to sit up and gently pull her into him.
"You didn't," Jay shook his head, "you didn't lose me." He promised her with a soft kiss, "All I could think about was you and how I needed to get back to you. I tried to get up," there was a strange look in his eye, one that was far away but close at hand at the same time; as though he was trying to remember something that was a ghost in his imagination.
"You remember that?" She asked. She'd been asking for details, but no-one would tell her what had happened, how Jay had taken two to the chest. How the bullets had been cop killers. She'd tried to get it from anyone and everyone she could think of, tried to access the reports, but she'd been denied at every turn.
"Not all of it." Jay shrugged, running his fingers through the length of her pony tail. "I don't remember getting hit," he shook his head. "I do remember hitting the ground, then everything is spotty. Tony was there, he looked pretty rough. I remember SWAT and the Ambo getting there the same time. I remember you speaking to me." He frowned again and Erin blinked, she hadn't spoken to him until he was on his way to the theatre, he'd been unconscious then.
"What did I say?" Erin asked softly, bring her hand up to trace Jay's lips, a grin on her face at the fact that he remembered, that he'd come back to her because she'd asked him to.
"Uhh," Jay bit his lip, trying hard to focus and concentrate, but it was evident that he didn't know, he couldn't pull that information from the fog. "All I know is, you were there and then I woke up." He shrugged again, and Erin opened her mouth to speak before there was a knock at the door, causing her to turn around and Jay to try and see over her.
"I hope we're not interrupting anything." Natalie's voice carried over the room and Erin shook her head, turning to sit next to Jay in the bed, a huge smile on her face as Natalie and Will entered the room, both with a couple of bags of gifts, flowers and balloons in their hands.
"I'm here to give Jay his next batch of injections." Will told her. He'd yet to call them shots and it was clear why, he still hadn't been able to come too close to Jay without looking terrified.
"Bite me." Jay grumbled, moving around in the bed to wrap an arm around Erin, already sounding exhausted and Erin's heart went out to him. She was exhausted, but so wired that she didn't think she'd sleep for a month.
"How are you feeling?" Natalie asked, directing her question to both of them as she approached the bed, placing her bags on the table to lean in and give Erin a hug, moving around the bed to hug Jay, then beginning to assess his injuries again, Jay letting her because Erin had taken his hand and shot him a warning look.
"I'm good," Jay said around a yawn and Natalie laughed and nodded, "I mean, you're getting there, but you're in much better shape. You're a lucky man, Jay." She told him with a soft smile.
"Most days," Erin interjected, reaching for the bag of gifts, making room for Will to place the bags he'd brought along. Natalie laughed and shook her head, before moving over to the cot and gasping. "She's gorgeous." She said, eyes wide. "Can I?"
Erin wanted to say no; wanted to tell her to leave the baby and let her sleep, but there was something about the way Natalie was smiling at their daughter, something about the fact that she'd been there for Erin the second that Erin had arrived in the hospital that had her nodding and curling into Jay's side, watching him watching Natalie lift Millie, the way his entire body tensed until the doctor had her cradled against her and she had sat down in the chair, holding Millie carefully but securely. Only then did he relax a little, making Erin smile and lean in to press a kiss to his cheek. If this is how he reacted to professionals, how would he react when Kevin and Adam eventually plucked up the courage to ask them to hold her?
"She's so sweet," Natalie was saying and it was only then that Erin noticed Will standing stiffly at the bottom of the bed, hands in his pockets, saying nothing.
"She is," Jay agreed, and Erin watched as his eyes flicked between his daughter and his younger brother. "I uh," he cleared his throat. "We uh," Jay bit his bottom lip and Erin gave his hand a squeeze, a reassuring gesture to help him find the words. "Um, Mom's name is Millie's middle name." Jay's voice was so calm, but Erin felt him tense again with Will moved and she had to turn to rest her head against his shoulder to give her time to compose herself, so she wouldn't break down in tears at the obvious fear apparent in her partner's body; what was he afraid of?
Will was silent for a long time, just staring at the tiny bundle in Natalie's arms. He opened his mouth to speak, but cleared his throat instead. "Mom would be proud." He said eventually and Erin felt more than heard the gasp Jay took, but the only audible sound had her heart breaking at the sheer pain it caused Jay. "She'd be so proud of you," Will's voice caught and he cleared his throat again. "Gotta change your IV." He said quickly, producing a bag from his pocket.
Jay nodded and Erin shuffled, moving slightly to let Jay lift his arm, his hand a death grip in hers and she knew he was using her as an anchor. Will was efficient as he changed the bag of pain killer that was up on the pole, changed the setting on the machine, lessening the dose slightly through some unspoken exchange that Erin could only see one side of.
"You need to hold her, Will." Natalie stated from the corner of the room where she was busy fussing over Millie, kissing her little fist and talking to her.
"I'm good." Will commented, shaking his head as he cleared Jay's old bag away and moved the presents over to the others.
"She's your niece, we need to get a picture with you guys." Erin stated, slowly climbing out of the bed to snap a picture of Natalie and Millie.
"I'll just crouch next to the chair." Will said as he turned, crouching down and letting Erin snap the picture.
"That's cute and all, but she needs a picture with just you." Erin told him pointedly and she turned to look at Jay as Natalie stood, his entire body going rigid again as he tried to see around Erin to what was happening. Erin stepped to the side to give him a clear view, counting in her head how long he'd been holding his breath by the time Will had sat down in the chair, Natalie talking him through the handover.
"I swear to god if you drop her—" Jay spoke from where he was sitting,
"-You'll do what?" Will asked, raising a brow, not paying attention to the baby, looking pointedly at Jay.
"I will shoot you." Jay told him pointedly, "I will shoot you and not think twice if you don't hold her properly."
"Shoot me with what?"
"Dude, I'm not going to shoot you while you're holding my child." Jay pointed at him, "But I will shoot you when I can." His threat was followed by another yawn and Will laughed. "That's not funny, m'serious." Jay was adamant, eyes widening when Will stood up after Erin took the picture, rocking Millie as he walked around. "Sit your ass down." Jay's voice was weak and Erin slowly inched her way towards him, trying not to draw attention to the fact she was about to restrain him to keep him in the bed.
"She's perfect." Will's voice cut through the tension in the room, caused Jay's body to lock up and then relax, caused a sheen in Natalie's eyes and Erin to take Jay's hand. "She's absolutely perfect," Will grinned, his voice thick with some unnamed emotion, but both brothers had the same look in their eyes. "You did good, little brother."
Jay squeezed Erin's hand and smiled. "We did, we did real good." Jay's grin was infections and Erin found herself smiling along with him; her's lasting longer than his, however, when Will walked over to the bed and climbed up into it. "I swear to God and all things Holy, I will end your life and make it look like a goddamned boating accident if you do any damage to her."
"A boating accident?" Will's eyes were wide as he blinked.
"Yes. A boating accident. Now sit freaking still." Jay hissed as Will got himself comfortable on the bed.
"I can hold a child, Jay. I'm a professional."
"You make a habit of holding a lot of random babies?"
"No. I do have to treat children."
"Not my child."
"That would be unethical."
"You need to support her head."
"Okay, daddy day care." Will quipped, earning himself a glare.
"I think you forget I'm military trained." Jay raised an eyebrow and Erin and Natalie found themselves staring at the exchange with wide eyes.
"I think you forget that I don't care about your ninja skills."
"So you admit that I have them?"
"I never denied that you did."
"You did, when we went to dinner with Mouse. You said—hold her damn head properly." Jay muttered through gritted teeth, causing Will to laugh then huff and adjust his hold on her.
"I never once told Mouse to hold anyone's head properly and having a potty mouth around your kid doesn't bode well."
There was a moment of silence between the two men, both of them glaring at each other. A split second where Erin panicked that this family reunion would turn into something that caused them to implode, but then they were both laughing, Jay's hand coming up to support Millie's head – despite it being adequately supported on Will's arm – as the shared a laugh, a moment that Erin couldn't help but snap with her phone, both she and Natalie grinning at the picture as the men resumed their playful banter, both of them holding Millie so carefully, despite the other's interjections that they weren't.
We have another 18 years of this.