REWRITTEN!
Nille: Yosh! Chapter 12 is out now! Sorry for being late guys, but something came in between and then Jessie-chan (Cloud-Ima) helped me out! XDD
Answers on reviews from chapter eleven:
Pisaj-Elf: Na, you can never know if the dreams will come true, ne? XD
I hope you'll like it, I definitely do, and I'm damn sure to have some of it today! –laughs out loud-
Mish1: -smiling- It warms me to hear that you are enjoying reading my story, that's really something that warms me deep in here –pads on chest- Hehehe! And you know what? I'm enjoying reading all of your reviews, every Sunday XD it gives me the energy and the mood to write some more. Thank you! ^o^
Daschel: Hmm, let me say that your guess is close… but you'll see the answer in this chapter^^ Secondly, I think that you will like this chapter, since it's really Sanji-centred XD Na, you're not selfish, I love that damn Aho-cook too! –big smile-
dalia76: thanks! Hope you like the 'Eggbread' XD And I'm looking forward to get another review from you –big smile- you just saved me from a huge depression and 'anger'-attack ^o^;
Yukiim: I know that I'm evil for letting you wait for so long –evil smile-
But anyway, thanks for bringing back my good mood to the highest level! –hugs you- hope you'll like this chapter as well ^o^
Dont-stop-believing: -claps hands- thank you so many much! And I swear that I will keep writing even better, every week! Tell me, just curious, but do you have some kind of a Danish background? Just wondering XD but once again –ah hell I just sends you a big hug instead, that might tell you what I feel, ne? –laughs out loud- man, I love you all!
ShaolinQueen: Haha! Yeah I know! –evil grin- And yes, there is definitely going to be more angst -Bwahaha! And I'm looking forward to reading your next review as well! XDD
Thank you so much for helping me out, Jessie-chan (Cloud Ima) for Beta-reading this chapter! You don't know how thankful I am for that! Now it's only delayed a half day, course you helped me out in the last moment ^o^
THANK YOU!
You're an angel!
~^o^~
Please enjoy! ~^o^~
Taste of bittersweet Disaster
-A One Piece fan fiction
By Crystalbluefox
In the light of the Oil Lamp
I see the things I fears the most;
You!
12. Chapter
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
In the Shadows of the Oil Lamp
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Thunders cracked through the skies, a flash of lightning ran over the deep darkness as heavy raindrops hammered against the small window into the infirmary. A lamp hanged and dangled dramatically on a hook, threatening to fall off with each swing. The only light that was stronger than the light from the lamp came from the palm of a young woman, who held the arm of the ship's blond chef. The chef hissed and gritted his teeth hard together as he felt as if his arm was literally on fire, as if his bones and muscles were burning up. He didn't know for sure what was going on; so far the pain had brought him to think that he soon would lose consciousness. He wanted to rip his arm away from that unbearable hot pain and literally had to bite his tongue to avoid screaming out loud. Then he heard it, the most soothing voice ever, a voice from an angel that told him to relax, that told him that she soon would be done. Sanji nodded slowly, but couldn't keep a tear from falling at the pain it caused, and just as the torture ended he fell into the world of blissful darkness.
-TOBD- TOBD- TOBD—
Zoro stared out at the weather from his spot in the crow's nest, lightning cracking through the dark skies and lightening it to reveal whatever could be hiding in the dark, thunder rumbled, getting further away from them, good, less chance to get grilled at open sea. He sighed, heavily, as he ran a frustrated hand through his short hair. Shit, just shit, about anything, and everything. It wasn't noticeable, but he could feel his hand tremble, he clutched it and pulled his hair until it hurt the roots. He didn't know what to do, didn't know how to react, about anything anymore, he felt like he was loosing it, slowly but surely, and sometimes even faster than he liked. Scrubbing his face with both hands, he didn't see nor hear as someone entered the crow's nest, it was only as he dropped his hands, that he came face to face with a very bone white skull staring blankly at him. Zoro screamed as he pushed away from the face and fell to the floor.
"Brook, God damn it!" The swordsman cursed, clutching his shirt as he felt his heart hammering against his ribs. Fuck, he hadn't even sensed his coming. "Don't fucking scare me like that, you shitty bone-head!" The skeleton chuckled slightly as he sat down on the long couch, one bony leg over the other as he blew the steam away from his cup of tea. A real gentleman drank tea, he once said. Bullshit! Even Sanji could drink a black cup of coffee every now and then, the cook had pointed this out once while yelling at the bone-head that he was, indeed, a gentleman himself! Well, Zoro didn't know what a real gentleman was at all, just that it was boring bullshit and yelling and screaming like a girl in her month was surely not very gentlemanly, and why the hell did he think of that now anyway?!
"I am deeply sorry that I scared you the way I did, Zoro-san, but it was unsettling that you did neither see nor heard me as I approached and called for you." Zoro only grunted and sat up on the couch a bit further away from the other swordsman. "It seemed that you were in deep thoughts."
"No, really?" he said sarcastically. Brook looked at him, but didn't say anything, like he was trying to read his thoughts or something.
"Is it about Sanji-san?" he asked carefully. Zoro froze in an instant. Shit! What had he heard? What had he seen? Had he heard him doing that this morning? Shit shit shit! Zoro tried to keep his cool, tried to act like it was no big deal, nothing big, it wasn't that that he meant, not at all, nu-uh. Apparently he had been quiet for too long, because Brook frowned – could a skeleton even frown? – and chose to continue. "It appears that something really bad happened back then… am I right?"
"What?"
"You felt as if it was your fault that you didn't get him back with the first attempt, and therefore you have problems to look at him or speak with him because of this guilt." He took a sip of his tea, but his eyeholes kept 'watching' him. Zoro scratched his neck. So it wasn't that, thank god… if there even is a god, there must, somehow. Argh, he's taking too long to answer again!
"You can say that," he said, almost mumbling it. If they ever knew about that, he would never be able to live with it would ruin their friendship, their nakama-ship, or something, that close bond they had, would snap and choke him instead, and leave a deep scar at the others… and at him.
"You should talk with him about it."
'No fuck?' Zoro thought.
"Sanji-san looks a bit out of it."
'You only realized that now?'
"He needs someone he can trust, someone he can feel safe with."
"That's the job of the captain," Zoro blurted out, "and besides, we don't like each other and I'm no good when it comes to comforting."
Brook just looked at him, it was starting to annoy him, that stupid blank unreadable hollow stare.
"What?" he asked, almost spat.
"Luffy-san can't calm him down anymore." The skeleton told. "About a half an hour after the 'operation', he woke up. We all tried to calm him down, but without any luck. Chopper-chan informed us that if we weren't able to calm him down, there were no other options than to give him sedatives and lock him up in a room where he couldn't do any harm to neither himself nor us others."
Zoro moved uneasy in his seat. "You're saying that he had one of his attacks again?" Brook nodded. "You mean now, this very day?"
"This very moment. Sanji-san is so out of control, not even our captain can come in contact with him. Luffy-san wants you to be down there, he says that 'only Zoro can calm him down!'"
"But he was fine just this morning."
"Morning is far away, Zoro-san." Zoro clicked his tongue. Last night was just pure luck, he could never pull that same stunt twice, god forbid no.
"Sorry. But as I said; I'm not good with people."
"But apparently you're good with Sanji-san. Oh, and beside, he said that if you'd refuse, I should just tell you that it is Captain's order!"
'Damn shitty rubber-captain!'
-TOBD- TOBD- TOBD—
He hesitated. Normally he, Roronoa Zoro, would never hesitate in his actions, but this, the simplest thing as touching a doorknob, press it down and push the door open, it wasn't as much to open the damn door, it was to face whatever waited him in there. And he hesitated. He blamed the sudden gust of freezing wind for making him feel this cold, not the memories of the previous evening, the last time he managed to calm the cook down. He took a deep breath, tried to steady his racing heartbeat, willing it to calm the fucking down. All he had to do was to beat some sense back into that blonds' skull, shake him a little, and then walk back out again. Great plan, amazing, if just reality was as easy as that.
The room was empty, but it was a mess. Sheets and pillows laid spread everywhere, chairs and glasses were broken and shattered. It looked almost like a battlefield, and on that battlefield, among the broken furniture and stuff, there was blood. Blood would normally not disturb him, but taking things as they were lately, it could mean a catastrophe.
Not in here then. He went to the opposite door, heard the crunching of glass underneath his soles as he stepped over the mess. The kitchen was dark as he opened the door, only a single oil lamp was lit and just barely showed the frame of a straw-hat-wearing person who leaned up against the wall right beside him.
Luffy looked at his first mate, disappointed, not a him, not at anyone in the crew, no, he was disappointed at himself, Zoro knew that look all too well, had seen it too many times these past weeks, had worn that mask as well. He heaved a deep sigh as he entered the kitchen.
"What happened?" Zoro asked quietly, nodding towards the infirmary. The captain looked at him for a couple of seconds longer before he turned his gaze away, staring at something else in the darkness.
"I can't calm him down anymore," he said with a mix of sadness and anger, as he sucked on his lower lip. "If none of us can calm him down this time, he's going to be drugged."
"There's no other way," Zoro heard Chopper say quietly before from the floor, the pink hat tipped up to reveal his tearstained face. "It's worse than the other times he has had an attack," the little doctor informed between the many sobs and sniffled. "He was getting better and then this happens all of a sudden. Wh-why did I drop those bottles?"
"Because I scared you when I tried to teach Nicki a lesson about how to take properly care of a family." an unknown voice answered from Zoro's right. It was the cowboy-hat-wearing girl. Brown eyes gleamed in the light of the oil lamp as she looked up, deep brown, almost black in this darkness.
"And who are you again?" the first mate asked sceptically, heaving an eyebrow.
"Oh oh, she's really cool, Zoro!" Luffy suddenly blurted out, turning a hundred and eighty degree in mood. "There was this light, that came out of her hand, and then Oliver's scar closed on its own!" he informed him and moved his hand up to demonstrate what he had seen. "And, and, even Sanji's arm is completely healed!" If possible, Zoro's brows rose up even higher in wonder.
"It's healed? But that arm was almost skinless. It would have taken weeks for it to heal properly." he said in disbelief.
"But it's true," Chopper confirmed. The girl or woman or whatever she was, groaned as she stumbled back against the wall and slid slowly to the floor. "Anna, are you okay?" Chopper hurried to her aid, but Annaonly shooed him away, as was he an irritating bug, and told him that she was just fine, just a bit tired.
"It drains a lot of energy to heal." She told him, as if that explained everything, and if it was like the miracles the two had told about, it did explain everything.
"Where's the cook?" Zoro asked, coming to the matter of hand. "I didn't see him in there. Did he really walk out here?" Luffy shook his head, raising an arm he pointed at the counter.
"Nami and Nicki are trying to talk to him." He said, his voice once again grave and serious. Zoro nodded.
"Go to sleep, you're all tired," the swordsman said hands clenching in worry. "I'll take care of this." Chopper was about to protest if anything now should go completely wrong, and he couldn't understand what worse could go more wrong than yesterday, but Luffy nodded in understanding and dragged the little doctor with him. Anna gave the older teen a look that could almost send the devil on the run as she stood up, before she nodded in agreement, her eyes softening slightly. Did she just analyse him there in mere seconds? She pushed herself from the wall and stood.
"Bring him to me when he's calmed down," she said, not looking at him "can be that I healed his arm, but the new injuries are too dangerous for him on these seas." Before the swordsman even could manage to ask her what she meant with that, she was gone, the door out to the deck telling that she actually had used it to leave the room.
Zoro drew a deep breath before stepping further into the dark kitchen, only lighted by a single oil lamp. He heard whispers before he saw the mob of yellow, standing out in strong contrast with the darkness; the light from the lamp made it shine in the night. Nicki looked up as he saw him nearing them, then turned to bent down and whisper something to a certain redhead, who was kneeling on the floor. Nami looked over her shoulder and sighed deeply as she, with slow movements, stood up and pulled a bit away from the spot where she had been sitting.
"Where is he?" The two looked at him, then glanced down somewhere behind the counter, while they with very careful and slow movements moved away from the spot, so slowly, as if they were scared of stepping on something or afraid to scare someone away. As he came up to them, he saw why they were so cautious and why they looked so troubled and frightened. Eyes widening he stared in disbelieve at what he saw. "What the…?!"
Sanji sat in a corner, back pressed as close as possible up against the counter and the wall, staring horrified at the three. His pale hands were shaking as it pointed a razor-sharp knife at them, hands gripping tighter around the weapon as Zoro came into view. A trail of blood lead up to his trembling form. By closer look, Zoro saw that it didn't come from the cook's left arm, the bandages were gone and there weren't even a trace of scratch on it. It was healed fully, a healing there normally would have taken months, yet this was done within hours and yet there were no scars, no marks, no telling that that particular arm once had been a bloody mess, just these few hours ago. Then… were did all the blood come from? "Don't… don't come any near closer…!" Sanji threatened, his voice cracked and on the edge to crumble completely. "Don't!" he warned as the swordsman took a step towards him. Zoro clicked his tongue. Shit. This was dangerous. He had to be cautious here. This wasn't only a matter of beat up and calm down, no, this was more complicated, but not impossible. He surveyed the shaking form closer; the left leg was pulled as close as possible to the heaving chest, the right one still in gypsum stretched out on the floor, unmoving. He must have dragged himself in here, if he should go by what common sense spoke an the smeared out trail of blood. The cook was terrified, apparently he couldn't recognize them, he got that haunted look; the same look he always had when he had one of his attacks. This was dangerous, for both parts.
Sighing, he spoke to the two others without turning to face them. "Leave us. I'll take care of this."
"But," Nami protested "he can-"
"Trust me, and trust him! We'll be okay,"
Nami clicked her mouth shut, she understood clearly what he said; Get the fuck out of here before I kick your asses out from here! She sighed and nodded, she tucked in Nicki's black t-shirt. "Let's go," she told him. Nicki was still for a few seconds longer, before nodding. Sticking his hand in his pocket he laid the other on the swordsman's shoulder, and as Zoro looked at him fully, he now saw what he presented him. A needle. No doubt the sedative.
"Just in case something goes completely wrong," the blond told him as he grabbed his hand and dropped the cocked needle into his palm, and closed his fingers around it safely. "Doctor Chopper told us to use it as a last option if nothing else works or if he starts to attack." He gave his hand a last squeeze before he turned around and followed the navigator outside. "We trust you, both of you." He said and closed the door.
Zoro looked at the needle in his hand. It was filled with white liquid. He turned around to look at the blond on the floor, and showed it to him. The reaction was immediate. That single blue eye widened instantly at the recognition of the object, he was still as a statue, even his breathing halted. "You want me to use this?" he asked him, knowing that he was playing with fire. The blond carefully shook his head. "Good," he placed the needle on the counter to his right. "Lay down your knife, then-"
"No…!" he said with the first gasp of air, grabbing tighter around the shaft of his knife and pointed it at him. His wide blue orb flickered from the knife in his hand to the needle on the counter and up at Zoro's face and then back down at the knife. "Don't… don't touch me." Tears watered in his haunted eye "Don't get any near closer to me!"
Zoro sighed and sat down, back against the counter, and ran his fingers through his short green hair. This was ought to be a hard one, harder than yesterday. He swore that he would kill that fucking Hunter-guy, the moment they found him, and bring his dead body back to the cook so he could see that he was forever dead and gone, and then burn him just to make him sure about it.
"Sanji, where are you?" he had to get close to him, but with slow ever so carefully steps or movements, so agonizing slow that the blond wouldn't even notice it. Sanji didn't answer and just shook his head. Zoro moved a tan bit closer as he spoke, "Do you know where you are?" the other's breathing went faster, he literally could hear the cook's heart rapid beating against his ribcage. "Listen to my voice, Sanji; where are you? Who can you see?"
He moved a bit closer.
"Hi-him…!" the cook said. At least he caught the words this time.
He moved a bit closer.
"Where do you see him?" the knife pointed directly at him, one blue eye stared at him.
"Y-you!"
"Who am I?" Damn this was hard. He wasn't good with psychological crap like this! Zoro took a deep breath. What else had Chopper taught him? Stay calm when the cook got his attacks, talk calmly to him and don't raise your voice, and ask questions. So far Zoro didn't want anything else than to stand up, kick some sense into the curl-brow, shake him so much that he almost would shatter and scream him in his shitty face that he fucking hell should get a hold of himself… his fingers were even itching to do so. But then there was this other side of him that kept repeating to stick to Chopper's words; Stay for god sake as calm as possible!
"Hunter!" Sanji finally said, both anger and fear infecting his vocal. He grabbed tighter around his knife as his lips curled up to a sneer.
"No, shit-cook, listen to my voice,"
He moved a bit closer again.
"Who am I?" The cook's hands were trembling, threatening to drop the knife and cut through his outstretched leg. The anger disappeared a little, his lips quivered as a tear ran down his cheek. Were the words finally getting through his thick skull? "Sanji, do you recognize my voice?"
He moved a tad closer again, but then had to pull back as the knife came up to point at his throat,one single eye fixed at him, yet it didn't see him. He wanted to grab out for that knife, but knew it would be a really bad idea, no matter in what condition the blond was in, he always knew how to handle a knife, and if he tried to take one from him, it would probably cost him a couple of fingers or a blade through his throat.
"Listen to my voice," should he call him that again? "Shit-cook, who am I?" As Sanji closed his eye to think, the swordsman dared to get even closer, moving around the sharp blade and closer to the blonde's personal space; three feet more and he was at his side. He was shaking by now, and finally, he dropped the knife. Zoro didn't hesitate to kick it away at once, as far away from them as possible; he knew the cook would probably kick his face in later, when he found out what he just had done to one of his precious knifes. Sanji wrapped his arms around his one leg and buried his face in it, he sobbed, staining his navy-blue pants there easily could be mistaken for being black instead.
"Zoro, please… please stop this…" the blond sniffed pressing his face harder against his leg. Zoro let out a sigh he didn't know he was holding, and crawled closer to the trembling form. Should he touch him or not? Would it be bad? Was it okay? Ignoring all the no-no's his brain spewed at him, he sat flush up against the crying cook. "Please stop this," the blonde sniffled again "I can't, I can't take this much longer… it's too much…!" If possible he mashed his face flush against his leg, as if he tried to morph with it, his fingers tightened in the fabric of his pants. "Why am I so pathetic?" A mocking word was itching to be thrown back at the cook, like in the old days, it was a habit, but Zoro held his tongue and sighed.
"You're not pathetic, idiot-cook, you're… just not yourself lately." he said carefully. The blond snorted and let out a stiff chuckle.
"Yeah, pathetic."
"It's okay."
"No…" Zoro looked up at him. "No it's not. I even threatened Nami-san with a knife!"
"So, you knew who she was?" he asked carefully. Sanji nodded slowly and sobbed even more. "Why then?" Sanji shrugged, he was an up building shivering mess.
"I don't know… I don't kn-know…!"
"But you didn't recognize me?" Blond hair shook back and forth. "How come?"
"The same, features… you got the same, figures, bodies… building of your body…"
"But he had red hair?" Sanji nodded. Now he slowly began to understand. "You thought that Nami was a trick? A… illusion?" Sanji hesitated, but then answered with a second nod. He slowly rocked back and forth to comfort himself. Zoro took one deep breath and, going against the screaming 'no's' in his mind, moved an arm up to the other's shoulder. Sanji stiffened at once at the touch and held his breath, Zoro immediately pulled his arm back and cursed his own stupidity. "Sorry," he muttered and moved so that he instead sat right across from the cook.
"No, I am."
"What?"
"Sorry… for being such an asshole," Zoro blinked a couple of times as the golden head moved up and a single ocean-blue eye looked at him. He felt his heart skip a beat and swallowed hard. No, he wasn't supposed to give under for those 'feelings', he was meant to be stronger, to withstand. Such feelings were unacceptable, forbidden. Careful now, really careful now. "I-I tried to, r-r-rape Nami-san a-and I made a complete fool out of you and Lu-luffy," His long slender fingers grabbed tight in his golden locks as his eye moved away from the first mate, and instead stared at the floor. His breathing was rasping, his hands trembling more than before and his lips quivered. The oil lamp swung somewhere above them, making the shadows shift over the cook's face. "And…" the tears finally released from the reddening eye "and I-I broke the rule again… I broke the rule, broke the rule…!"
"What are you talking about?" Zoro asked in confusion, not getting what the cook was trying to say. That blue eye that had gotten the most of its normal colour back, now looked straight into his dark ones. The tears was flooding now. He looked away, not bearing to hold the stare with him any longer. That was far from the annoying shit-cook he knew of; Sanji newer stepped out of a staring/glaring match.
"I-I broke a rule… several rules!"
"What rules?"
He didn't answer.
"Hey cook."
He was closing in on himself once again, closing off from the world, from him.
"Sanji!"
The blonde froze as he grabbed his arms and shook him slightly. He looked straight at him now, the ocean was flooding over.
"What rules are you talking about? No, don't you dare look away from me! What the hell are you talking about, cook? What rules are you talking about?"
"Y-your rules…!" Zoro shut his mouth at once. Did he make any rules? Oh yes, he did, back there in the Inn. What was it that he had said back then to the shit-cook?
"You said that I wasn't allowed to touch any kind of alcohol, y-you told me to keep away from your fiancé… l-later y-you told me to b-behave, act like a civlissed, civi-lised m-man… should act l-like a normal m-man…" Zoro furrowed his brow as he watched the boy slowly smouldering up underneath his hands. This wasn't Sanji! This wasn't the shit-cook he normally would fight with, this wasn't the man who could piss him off and in rare occasions could sit and get drunk with, talk with, have fun with… this, this was a mere child that were slowly breaking in front of him… a bundle of broken nerves. "I…" he sniffled and almost ripped his hair out, "I'm not, I'm not… allowed to be one of you anymore… when breaking them…! I'm not, a part of you g-guys, anymore…! I, I broke the rules!"
"Sanji…" he hated himself for even making those rules… "They weren't meant like-"
"I let them use me…! I, I let them do, with me, whatever they wished…" Zoro gaped at the blond.
"What?!" Sanji finally broke and cried, cried like never before. Something tightened inside of the swordsman's chest when seeing him like this.
"I let them do it…! I, I let them use me, as they wished…! I, I didn't act like a man… I didn't act... civilised," he sniffled "I didn't… I just, took it… let them do as they wanted, let them give me what they wanted… I'm nothing, nothing than a whore! A faggot-whore! I'm not… to be one of you, I'm-"
The hand fell before he even could stop himself.
Sanji blinked a couple of times as he looked in disbelief at the angry swordsman before him, his hand still in the air after the smack of skin against skin, his own now seeking up to the aching chin where a red imprint of a hand now was forming, the slap still echoing in the hollow kitchen.
"Don't fucking say stupid things like that, shit-head!" Sanji froze, not knowing what to do or how to act, he just, froze, fully taken aback at the slap. By all means, Zoro was just as surprised at himself that he didn't knock the idiot out instead, but slapped him. He grabbed the boy's shoulders once again and shook him. "You were fucking abused! Raped!" he whistled "They tied you up! Held you as a fucking prisoner!" Sanji winced in his hold as he bore his nails deeper into his shoulders, to keep him from dragging away, to keep him from running. He had been running enough. "YOU DIDN'T FUCKING HAVE ANY CHANCE TO BREAK FREE, DAMN IT! THEY DRUGGED YOU INTO SUBMITION!"
Zoro panted, watched him as fat tears rolled down along his red strained cheeks, dripping from his pale jaw. Broke ever so slightly more and more. The blond wasn't allowing himself to believe him, to listen to him, he kept punishing himself, earning himself a ireful of self-hatred. His gaze dropped, not able to hold it with him anymore, not able to look him in the eyes as he spoke.
"I could…" he said, almost a whisper, almost mistaken for a crack from the planks of the ship as the waves trashed against its hull. Zoro didn't level his gaze, but he didn't say anything either, almost afraid of that just the smallest of words would stop the other from speaking, from opening up. A deep wound couldn't heal if it didn't heal from underneath and that meant that the gaze upon the wound had to be reopened for that to happen. Else the bacteria would stay inside, growing, wounding, killing, ever so slowly. "I could… I did have the possibility to get free… but… they," Zoro pulled back, gave him the space he needed, watched him as he spoke, as he broke, as the wound was reopened for it to heal properly. "No matter where I ran, no matter how fast I ran –they were right behind me! No matter what I did, he was right there! I should have kept running! I should never have stopped… letting them take me. I should have run, until they were gone, until I couldn't see them anymore…!"
Zoro sighed and ran his fingers through his green hair. Sanji was completely down in the shit right now and he was glad for that none of the others would be able to see their cook like this… it was hard enough for him to see one of the strongest crewmembers crumbling, breaking like this.
"You ran," he finally said. Sanji's eye carefully crawled up to his face, or beside it, seemed he still had a hard time looking straight at him, who would ever blame him? He was expecting harsh words to fall, disgrace, spite, if he should go by any means the way the blond hunched his shoulders, prepared a second blow to fall, a second slap. He was scared of him. Zoro pulled a bit further away, giving him some more space, showing him that none of what he feared was to happen. "At least you ran, you fought, you didn't want it." Zoro pulled a leg up to lean his arm on it, he looked pass the cook as he spoke again. "I heard rumours about that-ehm, he was out for me… to begin with. Back then at the Inn, you accidently drank my beer instead of your own. That poison was meant for me, not you." Without looking, he could feel that visible blue eye watching him now. "Apparently they found you more interesting, after that night. The reason you acted the way you did was because you got a double doze of whatever they had put in my drink… they had found out that a little tipsy drug wouldn't help on me."
"What you're saying?" the blond asked quietly, not believing what he was hearing was true. Then he remembered something, something that he once had told him. He'd admitted that the drug wasn't meant for him, he'd admitted that it was meant for someone else, it was meant for Zoro. And he was just so unlucky to accidently drink the other's beer just the moment after it had been spiced.
An accident that made them interested in him instead, after his stupid unacceptable whore-performance.
"Aah, damn it!" Zoro banged his head against the cupboard behind him and growled in irritation, making Sanji jump in his place. "Why the hell did this even happen?" he clenched his fist until his knuckles turned all white.
They sat like that in silence, both of them waiting for the other to speak, both of them hoping for the silence to continue. Sanji shifted nervously in his place at the floor, biting his lower lip nervously. He almost jumped as Zoro spoke again.
"I'm sorry,"
"For what?" he asked, his heart racing, his hands clenching and unclenching nervously. Zoro made a gesture with his hand.
"This mess. Everything. It wasn't fair game, I mean, what they did to you. What you did was because what they did to you. I was unfair, I should have known better that something was wrong, out of place, then all this mess wouldn't have happened." Zoro looked at him, Sanji only stared back blankly, before looking away. "Look, what happens in this kitchen, stays in this kitchen… whatever happens or what we say or such, it stays in here, between us, you get what I mean?" Sanji let out a half-hearted chuckle in a single exhale.
"Whatever samurai." Zoro pushed him, Sanji chuckled, flattening his hand to cover his face entirely what his hair didn't manage to hide, pulled his leg closer. His back was almost killing him. He needed something to dull it, he needed the morphine, even his hands had started to tremble or maybe that was because of something different. But it was nice, sitting here, with him, somehow he managed to calm him down just by his mere presence, close presence.
The light from the oil lamp danced on the walls around them. The silence was still a bit awkward in between them, but not as tensed as before. They both sat there and took the time to let the last half hour's talk settle into their minds. Eventually, Zoro felt that he was slowly dozing off and found it safe enough to close his eyes. It was the other's nervous shifting there pulled him back from sleep, made him aware, at ready if something should happen, a habit there had started ever since the cook came back.
"Oi."
Zoro grunted a "what", not troubling himself to open his eyes, still felt the needing calmness of the darkness, it felt less stressful.
"Can I hold your hand?" He opened his eyes and looked at the blond, he wasn't looking back, looked straight at the wall before him, serious and embarrassed. Zoro shrugged, actually not minding it, there was no danger in holding hands, parents held hands with their children, friends did, lovers did – argh, scratch that last part already!
"Sure, whatever." A retort laid just at the tip of his tongue, an insult, barely keeping himself at bay from it, he could hear the others shift closer to him, grunting as he struggled to close the small distance in-between them. Hissing as he moved his back made it only clear how much in pain the teen was. The hand was his size, though not as broad as his palm, the fingers made it up for being longer than his, just a tan longer. It was trembling, cracking an eye open he saw the blond looked aside, embarrassed of this contact, yet still needing it. Zoro closed his hand around it, reassuring him that it was okay. There was nothing wrong with it, was there? It was just a calming gesture, the cook needed the closeness. They sat like this, warm hand holding around cold trembling fingers, none of them spoke, none of them made a move to pull away, somehow this was actually nice, a word Zoro never thought he would use in reference with the cook.
"Oi." Came the prodding attention again. Damn, this time he had actually almost fallen asleep. Zoro grunted yet another "what", but this time didn't get any immediate answer. He cracked an eye open, then looked fully at the blond, who didn't look back at him. He was breathing faster, the trembling had spread to the rest of the body, the blond took a shivering breath, as if he was getting ready to a careless jump into a dark unknown abys.
"You okay?" he asked as there were no response to his second more pressing "what". The hand was sweating in his, moved uncertainly in his.
"Would you laugh?"
"What?" he said, not certain what the fuck he should feel; confused or offended, at what he didn't even know. Sanji grunted and ruffled through his already pretty messed up hair, there stood almost in all directions.
"Argh, I mean, would you mind, if we, I mean if I – damn it, this is too embarrassing."
"Then why bring it up?" he questioned, waking up more as he saw the perplexed look at the other's face.
"Because I need, it, want it, I mean… - Damn fuck!" he ruffled his hair even more violently. "Can I… hold you?" Zoro blinked, and then moved their hands up.
"We already are."
"No, yes we are, I just mean. Fuck damn it! Not like that, but like," he tried to motion it with his free hand, with no success, Zoro looked just as blank at him as was he speaking an alien language. Then something seemed to dawn on him as Sanji gave up, it was too freaking embarrassing after all, a stupid request, a childish one.
"You mean hugging?"
"Shut it, you make it sound even more embarrassing like that."
"But that's what you meant?"
"That's what I meant, yeah." He pulled his hand back, already missing the weird contact. "I just, felt like, you… I need to hold onto someone."
"Should I call Luffy?"
"NO!" Sanji hollowed horrified. Zoro looked surprised at him. Sanji sighed, wrapping both arms once again around his healthy leg and leaned his head onto the knee. "No, I just… needed you to… hold me…" He looked away, ashamed. "Fuck. That sounded wrong." He barely heard him murmur, apparently not for him to hear. They fell into an awkward silence after that, none of them not really knowing what to say to break it. In the end, it was Zoro who broke it. A hug wouldn't mean anything after all, friends hugged, families hugged, lo – no, don't even get there!
"Sure," he said, shrugging. This time it was the blond to look surprised up at him. "It's just a hug," he said, assuring the blond, or maybe himself, that there was nothing big in that, maybe a bit humiliating unmanly thing, but else nothing bad. Right, just a hug.
Sanji waited for a moment or two longer, almost debating with himself whether or not if it was a good idea to begin with. Zoro was surprised though, that the teen, who had been so distant with everyone else since he woke up, unwrapped his arms from his leg, and actually, ever so carefully, moved closer towards him. He was trembling, the nervousness was clearly visible on his normally so sturdy hands, if anything, Zoro would call him off on it, he shouldn't force himself into contact when he so clearly felt uncomfortable about it. Sure, he'd hugged Luffy – Luffy was their captain after all and, well, Luffy was Luffy. Though even then he'd seen it; the fear of being touched by others, just a wrong movement and the cook would flinch and even pull away with his stupid false smile there had become more painfully to watch lately. But now Sanji was bare, didn't wear any masks, actually asked for it himself, yet halting, hesitating. "If you feel uncomfortable about it, then don't do it." Zoro said after some time where cook just sat there, halted halfway to him, staring at him as if it would hurt him to touch him. Sanji looked surprised up, yeah, there were no masks now, no covering up, just plain truth, and it was then that Zoro realised that the cook had worn a mask not only after he returned, but ever since they'd met him, as if he'd hided something. Zoro knew it from himself, he wore a mask every day as well, he didn't want to look weak in others eyes and clearly the cook was just the same. The least he could do was pulling off his own, it couldn't hurt, now could it?
"No, I want to, I mean I need to." The blond argued.
"Why?" The blond snorted, mask halfway up, though falling again.
"I want to beat this shit." Even saying so, the blond couldn't get himself to move any closer. Sighing, Zoro slung an arm out and grabbed his head, pulling him against his chest. Sanji let out a yelp as he fall against him, he slung his arms around the thinner form and pulled him close. It was okay to let the mask fall a bit, it was okay to show a little affection, the cook didn't wear his mask, he let him see his true face, and as he could feel the cook's nervousness and awkwardness disappear, he felt his own seep out as well. It actually felt nice, as the blond slung his arms around him as well, answering the hug, though almost clinging to him as if letting go again would kill him. But he was thin, he was way too thin to be healthy. Zoro frowned. Some places he even could feel the bones pointing out, just the slightest from puncturing the skin, or so it felt like. No wonder, the cook hadn't been eating much since he woke, and how much did he even eat before that? Probably not much. Chopper did mention something about his way of eating wasn't healthy and that it stopped the natural healing process, but if he hadn't eaten much before, eating too much would even make him even more sick than what he already was – damn, that cook had been rubbing a bit off on him. He closed his arms further around the cook, holding him close, though almost afraid of if he held too tight he would break him somehow, though he knew that the blond was stronger build than that. He wanted to lean in, he wanted to keep sitting like this, holding him like this, he wanted to pull his face up and kiss him, wanted to show him… to show him what? Shit, no no no! He couldn't think like that, it was wrong, weird, forbidden, but he liked it, he liked this and a part of him liked the idea. The blond made him feel something that he hadn't felt for many years, he barely remembered when he last had such kind of feelings; He felt whole and safe. All alarm clocks setting off, fear for that anyone suddenly would break in on them, still he felt thrilled at doing something forbidden, - hell he was a pirate after all – and found himself humming as he buried his nose into the other's surprisingly soft hair. Taking in his smell, the smell of male, the smell of Sanji! Said person buried his nose further into his chest and hummed as well. Zoro barely knew whom of them was trembling, fearing to like it, but even so letting themselves step pass that safe line, because this safety felt more alluring comfortable.
"You're wet," Sanji concluded.
"It's raining outside," Zoro said in a matter of fact.
"Hmm, weird, I actually thought that you would stink like a pig," Zoro was about to push him away yell at his face and stomp away from there, yeah, that would feel safer, more… right, but as the blond spoke again, he let himself surrender way too fast to just stay put "but you actually smells nice."
No, he wasn't blushing!
And his heart did just not beat an extra time by hearing that!
"You're tired, you need to go to sleep." the swordsman tried to say as calmly as possible. Damn it! His feelings was nearing a dangerous level, a level he never should get to… not with him! Not with a man! Sanji groaned in disagreement and snuggled further into the other's chest.
"Please, let me sit like this, just, a little bit longer."
He halted, something was wrong with the cook; he never said "please", he also never asked for a hug, but that aside, his strength was even slipping a little, now he thought more about it.
"You okay?" he asked, Sanji groaned. "Cook, you okay?" he asked again.
"Just tired, body arching, m'hands humming, simmering or something."
"Simmering?" A groan, a tired groan in answer.
"Feels weird, whatever, just want to sleep, you feel good comfortable, m'comfortable. Just shut up."
"Cook." Zoro pointed out. Sanji groaned again.
"Just a little bit… longer…"
Zoro sniffed, then halted. He sniffed again to free his nostrils completely for the dryness in them, and he smelled it again. The strong smell of blood. Sanji's arms loosed their hold and fell to the floor, all strength gone, while mumbling something incoherent. His breathing was more silent, even the rapid heart beating he had felt before, was almost not to feel anymore, it had slowed down, way too much to be normal. "Cook?" No answer. He pushed him, but got no response but a tired sigh.
Looking frantically around he saw nothing there could give a clue on what the heck there had happened, not before as a larger wave hit them and the ship rocked, making the oil lamp swing on its hinge did it reveal something that before had been hidden in the dark shadows. Blood. And a lot of it! No wonder that the smell had been so strong, the place reeked of it, now that he was fully aware of it. His eyes widened as they followed the large pool trailing up to the blond beside him. He looked at his own hand, the one there had been holding the blonde's not that long ago. Red. How had he not felt it? Because he had been cold and wet himself? But why hadn't he smelled it then? He sniffed, felt the restraining of it, a small cold perhaps, it had been enough to block the strong smell though.
"God damn it! Cook! Hey, Cook! Sanji, wake up!" The blood lead up to him as well. Something wet began to soak through his shirt. Shit! His hands were still bleeding, and a lot! How could someone bleed so much from their hands, without having them teared fully off? He shook him again, but the blond head only lolled to the side.
"Fuck! Damn it Sanji, wake up! Don't you dare fall asleep right now!" he said as he scooped him up in his arms and hurried into the infirmary as he bellowed of is full lungs. "CHOPPER! GIRL!"
-TOBD- TOBD- TOBD—
"So, will someone spill it and tell me what the fuck is going on here?" He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall as he watched the sleeping form before him. The chest was heaving more natural now, though he still kept listening carefully to his breathing pattern, on full alert if any changes should happen. Chopper looked up from his notes at his desk, jumping slightly in his seat as he saw his scowling face.
"Uh, uhm, he cut his palms on the glass splinters." The reindeer said nervously, playing with the pen in his hooves.
"Yeah, I got that cleared, but why the fuck did he bleed as if he'd got them cut off instead. It was just minor scratches."
"It's the weather and the seas around here," The girl sitting next to the sleeping cook said. "Just a single cut, a minor wound there haven't healed yet will be reopened and start bleeding like a grave wound… that is why so many sailors who have been out in fights are dying out here, simply just of losing too much blood." Zoro raised a brow.
"Then how come that you can patch up his hands and it won't re-open again?" The girl, named Anna, rose up from her chair with a sigh and grabbed a scalpel as she walked up to him. She grabbed his hand and stabbed it. "Shit! The fucking hell is your problem, woman?!" he roared as he yanked his hand back, succeeding in cutting the wound more open because of that. She didn't look him in the face, no, like Chopper, she looked intensely at his hand, so, he did the same. It wasn't a minor bleeding there would stop in less than minutes, no, it streamed out from the wound, as had she hit one of his larger veins, though he knew that the cut was far from any of them.
"The air is hungry for blood," the brunette explained as she stepped up to him again, though Zoro kept his distance and pulled his katana in warning.
"Don't you fucking touch me again, you-"
"Do you want to bleed to death then?"
"YOU where the one doing THIS!" he roared, showing her his hand. Anna was fast and grabbed for it immediately and pulled him closer with a jerk, so he almost lost balance. She took a deep breath as she hovered her hand over the new bleeding wound and closed her eyes in concentration. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked, as she took another deep breath and closed her hand over his. He was about to protest or pull away; he didn't even know which one of them he would have done, as a warm sensation suddenly started to grow in his hand. The warmth soon became warmer and in the end burning hot. Hissing he tried to free his hand, but apparently the girl was much stronger than at the first look. Carefully she lifted her hand off his and then was it that he saw it; the muscles there had been cut through lapped itself together before the skin healed and closed, not even leaving a scar, not even a thin line, only the blood covering it is the only evidence of the violence to it. Even after she let him go, he could feel the warmth in his hand, slowly subsiding, as he clenched his fist there were barely an arch in the muscles. "How did you-?" He looks at her in disbelieve, not many things amazes him any longer, heck, living at the Grand Line for all these months makes one get used to its oddness. But this, this was different, something was different about this girl. Anna smiles a tired smile before she stumbles against the wall and leans her head against the Adam Wood, seemingly drained from all energy, a wonder she still were able to stand on her legs.
"Oi, you okay there?" Zoro asked, Anna groaned and then sighed.
"Just a bit tired," she said, tilting her head to look at him. "I always gets drained afterwards, depends on how big the healing is. I just need some sleep, and then I'll be okay." Sliding down to the floor she was gone in an instant. Face hidden under that oversized cowboyhat of a thing, her poncho prodded upon her back as was she a hunchback or something, heck if he knew, he was too occupied to think at anything but that the girl could heal stuff, minor scratches to grave wounds.
Zoro hummed in thought as he watched her dwell deeper into sleep. "Weird girl," he thought out loud, still watching his hand, and then looked at the blond in the sickbay. There were no traces left of his wounds either. A soft thud from his right alerted him that the little reindeer once again had fallen asleep at his desk, face buried into newly written notes, the ink would with no doubt leave a stain on his fur if he wasn't to move his head soon. He smiled slightly, walked over to the sleeping form, and picked him up in his arms. Chopper was a heavy-sleeper when he first allowed himself to relax. He looked at the girl, who was slowly tilting off to the side and walked over to her as well. He bent down, grabbed her around her waist and scooped her up onto his shoulder. Getting a better hold on her, he realised that something was off, something with her back, it didn't feel like a human back, more like – like what? Something there really wasn't attached to her? No, he was overthinking things now, too tired himself by the day's incidents with no doubt. Carrying the two heavy-sleepers out of the infirmary, he was happy to find the rain had finally stopped. The wind had even calmed down to a breeze.
On his way to the girls' quarters, he stopped as he saw something laying on the deck, or rather, someone. Getting closer to have a better look at who it was, he had a hard time not to crack a laugh, as the moon came from its hiding behind a dark cloud and revealed a Nicki lying in the middle of the deck in a heap of limps. Like a ragdoll there had been thrown to the side of its child there had gone sick playing with it. Nicki moaned loudly in discomfort. "You okay out there, Copycat?" he called, hell, he didn't hide the fact that he thought the sight to be amusing. Nicki stiffened by the sound of his voice and, even from this distance, he could see his face turning beat red. The blond untangled himself and slowly sat up, one hand immediately searching up to his head.
"Ow, yeah. I'm good." He was clearly lying, Zoro sniggered as the man touched his chin with a hiss. "If the world would just stand still for a moment, it would be great." He said, holding his head with both hands as if it would help. Zoro snorted.
"One hell of a hit she can present, respect."
"You have no idea," he thought he heard him mumble, before the blond looked at him with a scrutinising look, as if he had a hard time to see him. "What are you doing out here this late?"
"I'm putting them to bed," He said, rearranging his hold, to make a point of who he meant. Nicki nodded in understanding.
"Shall I help you putting Anna to bed?" the blond asked as he stood, just as he straightened up he lost his balance and landed on his ass again. Zoro snorted again.
"Te! Y looks like the pervert-cook, you must be just as perverted as the man himself, so no!"
"Oi!" Nicki protested at once and was about to spit something back again, but shut his mouth as he saw something, Zoro didn't realise that he was shoving a genuine smile to the other.
"Get your ass up in the kitchen and warm up two bottles of sake." Zoro called.
"Huh?" Nicki blinked in disbelief. Well, he didn't need to be a grunting ass all the time, and for some reason he was feeling in a better mood than what he had done for a very long time.
"You don't like sake?" He called back. Nicki shook his head to clear his thoughts.
"Ah, I've never tasted it before."
"Then it's about damn time then." He was about to open the door to the girls' quarters but stopped. "Oi, Copycat? I'm giving you an extra chance here, so don't waste it."
"Why?" the blond blurted out before he even could stop himself. Zoro turned his head so he could see the other over his shoulder, a mocking smile plastered on his lips.
"Someone who gets beaten up by a girl can't be that big of a threat." He let the words sink, and as he heard the outrageous protests from the deck, he chuckled, a laugh would have woken the women in their room. Both Nami and Robin were fast asleep, as he stepped inside. Ignoring the half-naked red head with sheets fallen halfway off her, there with no doubt would have send both blonds into a comatose nosebleed if any of them had seen it, he made his way to the extra bed, already made ready for their new guest. He pushed the cover off with his foot and kneeled down, before leaning over and carefully laid the sleeping girl in it. Throwing the covers back over her, he made his way to the door, but then stopped. Someone was watching him and he had an idea of who it was.
"You should sleep." He said, before turning around to face the archaeologist sitting up in her bed, a smile turned his way.
"I always knew that you were a gentleman in your own way, Swordsman-san." she said knowingly, he couldn't help the heat keep away from his face, and of course the woman saw it as well, her smile grew, almost caring. Zoro mumbled under his breath as he opened the door, before he made to close the dor though, the raven spoke up again. "You might look a bit brutal and have a bit too concerning taste for spilling blood, but you are a good man with a good heart, no matter what others or even yourself believes."
Zoro stood for a moment, maybe a bit to long a moment before mumbling a "Whatever woman," and closed the door after him. It was the closest to a compliment of his persona anyone ever had given him as long as he remembered, and no, he did not fucking blush like some fragile teenage girl! That damn woman! He stomped down to the men's quarters to place the snoring Chopper in a bed as well, right after he found himself moving back up to the kitchen. He needed a drink and he needed to check up on…someone.
To be continued
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Nille: I promise to get next chapter out on Sunday! Really! ^^
Luffy: If not, you promised me to go out on dinner!
Nille: yeah, that's why I HAVE to get it out in right time… or else I will be ruined!
Luffy: Hey! I don't eat that much!
Nille: Oh no, you don't –sarcastically- you're only eating for twenty people!
Luffy: -crosses his arms- exactly!
Nille: -anime-falls- you didn't have to agree with it, rubber-head!
Chopper: -giggling- Remember to Review & Review, readers!
Nille: Yups! I love hearing your opinion about the chapter or if you have any questions or such^^ Love ya all!
Chopper: Bibi! –waves-
Luffy: Remember bring some meat!
Everyone else: LUFFY!
Luffy: What?