Notes: Well friends, here it is. It's even a bit early (Thanks, Sally!), and chapter 7 is almost ready to go to, so it should be up within the week as well.
Chapter 6 - Endings
The three friends relaxed in their pajamas on the couch, finishing the movie from earlier, snacking on popcorn and drinking the rest of the beer that Raven had brought. They spent most of the evening enjoying each other's company in companionable silence. The only conversation occurred when one of the three found fault in the sci-fi movie on their screen. Clarke and Raven, being engineering students, had the most to say, but Octavia piped up every so often with her own opinion which generally caused the other two to shoot her down with much good-natured teasing. Octavia didn't mind, though. She knew she wasn't a scientist or engineer like her friends, doing her major in Environmental Science; she did it more to push their buttons and get them going. It is also helped Clarke keep her mind off her lunch with Finn the next day.
The movie finally wrapped up. Both Clarke and Raven stated that it was two hours of their lives they would never get back, and Octavia claimed dibs on picking the next one. Both Clarke and Raven rolled their eyes at that because they knew it would be something sappy like The Notebook or something else equally as appalling.
The trio climbed the stairs and readied themselves for bed; Raven and Octavia headed for the spare room across the hall from Clarke's room. They said goodnight, hugged Clarke briefly and closed the door to the room. Clarke entered her own dark bedroom and crawled into bed, not bothering with any lights. She pulled the comforter over her head and thought about what she was going to say to Finn. She didn't want to hurt him, but she knew that was inevitable, so she just needed to do it as kindly as possible. She slowly drifted off to sleep, but it was restless, with undefinable dreams that left her confused and anxious upon waking.
Clarke opened her eyes slowly and stretched the kinks out of her neck and back as she swung her legs over the bed. She slipped out into the quiet hallway and headed to the bathroom. Once finished, she went downstairs to the kitchen to make some tea.
She was surprised to find her mother sitting at the table.
Abby looked up at her daughter.
"You're up early," she said.
"Yeah, I didn't sleep very well," Clarke replied. "So I figured I might as well get up."
"I noticed Raven and Octavia's cars in the drive when I came home. They stayed the night?" Abby asked.
"They came over for dinner last night and then we decided they should stay over," Clarke said as she filled up the kettle with water. "When did you get home?"
"About 20 minutes ago. I'm just decompressing before heading up for a nap, then I have to head back to the hospital."
"Oh, what time do you head back?" Clarke asked, trying for a conversational tone of voice.
"About 11," Abby said, narrowing her eyes at her daughter, who was fidgeting slightly. "Why?"
Caught, Clarke sighed and pulled out a mug and placed a tea bag in it before pouring the steaming water over top. She carried it over to the table and her mother and slumped into a seat.
Abby regarded her expectantly, waiting for Clarke to answer her question. Clarke sighed again and looked at her mother with sad eyes; Abby's face immediately shifted from suspicious to concerned.
"What is it, Clarke?" Her voice was soft, her expression open.
Clarke knew her mom would support any decision she made, so she looked down at her hands, laying limply on the table and said quietly, "I'm going to end things with Finn. He's coming over at noon."
"What?" Abby said startled, before recovering and continuing quickly, "Why? What happened? If he hurt you, so help me god, I'll..."
"No. Mom!" Clarke interrupted. "It's nothing like that," she continued more softly. "He's great...he's been nothing but great, but I don't feel about him the way I think he is starting to feel about me. Also," she added quickly as she could see her mom preparing to say something, "I met someone who I can't stop thinking about, and that's not fair to Finn. I shouldn't be thinking about someone else when I'm with him. So until I can figure this out, it's better to let him go."
"Oh," Abby said, biting off whatever she had been about to say, "Well, that is a very mature and courageous thing to do, honey. This person that you met, do they feel the same way?"
"I honestly have no idea, Mom," Clarke said sadly, "but I don't want to drag Finn along, or lie to him while I find out...and I really need to find out," she added with a small smile.
"Have I met this mystery person?" Abby asked with a small smile of her own.
Clarke sighed again before lowering her head slightly and responded quietly, "Yes, just the other night at the pizza place," Clarke glanced at her mother from beneath her lashes. "It's Lexa Woods."
Clarke watched the surprise flit across her mother's face before she schooled it back into the compassionate look Clarke was used to seeing.
"Well," Abby said, "I certainly didn't expect that, and I can appreciate more the situation you're in." She paused momentarily, trying to find the words she wanted to say to her daughter. "Are you sure, Clarke?" she asked softly instead.
"Surer than I have been about anything in a really long time," Clarke responded quickly, the sincerity in her voice and eyes doing more to convince Abby than anything Clarke could say.
Abby regarded her daughter closely for a few more moments before nodding her head. "Well then, I guess that also explains the dynamic duo upstairs; here for support?" Abby guessed.
"They are the best friends ever," Clarke responded simply.
"I hope it goes okay, and I am so proud of you for not taking the easy way around this. It's hard to do what's right sometimes, especially if it hurts people we care about." Abby told Clarke. "You know your Dad and I just want you to be happy, right?"
At Clarke's nod, she continued. "Call me if you need to talk. No surgeries today, just some paperwork to catch up on, so I'll be around if you need me," she added reaching over and giving her arm a squeeze as she stood from the table.
"Thanks, Mom," Clarke said, tipping her face up as her mom kissed her on the forehead.
"I'm off to bed for a bit," Abby announced. "Say hi to the girls for me in case I don't see you before I leave."
"Will do Mom. Have a good nap," Clarke said.
Clarke watched her mom head up the stairs, sighed again and took a sip of her tea. She checked the time, unsurprised to see that it was only slightly after 6am. She knew that when her friends awoke, they would be calling for breakfast - loudly, so she beat some eggs, and pulled some bacon and bread from the freezer. She put the beaten eggs back in the fridge and left the rest on the counter to thaw, satisfied that she could have breakfast ready quickly once the girls were up. Then she walked to the living room with her tea and sat on the couch, her mind awhirl with the impending discussion with Finn and what it would mean for both of them.
She felt as though she had only been sitting for mere moments when she heard her friends moving around upstairs, but when she checked the clock she was surprised to see that almost an hour had passed. She didn't have to wait much longer until the two girls came downstairs. Raven was grumbling about the early hour, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her palms, and Octavia bounced down behind her, bright eyed and looking as though she had been awake for hours.
Clarke listened with amusement.
"I hate that you're a morning person," Raven grumbled at Octavia.
Octavia just grinned at her and ruffled her hair, "Get off," Raven mumbled, swiping lazily at her friend.
Clarke watched them with affection as they walked toward her and flopped down on the couch.
"Coffee?" Raven inquired, stifling a jaw-cracking yawn against the back of her hand.
"You know I don't drink coffee Rae," Clarke said. "There's tea in the cupboard, and if you want a coffee the K-cups are beside the tea."
"I'll make you a coffee, grumpy puss," Octavia teased. "I'm going to get a tea anyway."
As Octavia went into the kitchen, whistling a tune Clarke couldn't quite place, Raven leaned her head on Clarke's shoulder and said, "Can I strangle her?"
Clarkes chuckled. "It's a good thing you two decided not to move in together after high school. I'm not sure either one of you would still be alive, let alone still friends."
Raven snorted in response, "Ha! No kidding. Benefits of having parents that love you and want to keep you at home as long as possible, I guess."
She said it lightly, but Clarke could feel the hurt behind the words, and wrapped her arm around her friend and gave her a squeeze, silently cursing Raven's parents for their lack of care of her friend.
"Who are you kidding Rae," Clarke scoffed, trying to lighten the mood. "You love living by yourself, doing whatever, whenever you want. You have the coolest pad in town."
"Yeah," the other girl said, yawning again into Clarke's shoulder, "but it can get lonely sometimes. And it would be great to have someone to share the rent with. It's tough to work and go to school. Speaking of which, I'm going to have to bail around 1, I have a shift at the shop," she said raising her head as she looked at the blonde.
"Sure," Clarke said, "I'm sure that whatever is going to happen will be well over and done with by then."
Raven was about to respond when Octavia yelled from the kitchen, "Reyes! You want French Roast or Colombian?"
"French Roast!" Raven yelled back.
The gnawing had started again in Clarke's belly, so rather than let Raven continue with her unfinished thought, Clarke said, "I have the makings for bacon and eggs for breakfast, but maybe we should go for a run first. What do you think?"
"I think that sounds awful," Octavia said as she came in and handed the dark-eyed brunette her coffee.
"It does," Raven agreed, "but we should do it anyway."
Octavia rolled her eyes and threw her hands in the air, "Fine, finish your go juice and I'll run you into the ground," she shot at her two friends in disgust.
Fifteen minutes later, the three of them were in their running clothes and headed out the door. After a quick stretch, Octavia took off, leading them through the quiet streets. They ran at a fairly quick pace, but not horribly taxing until Octavia picked up the pace on an uphill. Raven fell in beside Clarke and griped.
"For someone who didn't want to run," she said between panting breaths, "she's trying to kill us."
Clarke grinned at her and picked up her own pace, throwing over her shoulder, "Come on Reyes, let's show her who's boss!"
The two girls pushed to catch up to Octavia and finally passed her at the top of the hill when Octavia slowed to a stop and bent over to catch her breath. The other two sprinted by her, each slapping her across the rump as they went by, and Clarke shouted, "Last one back to my place, does breakfast dishes!"
Octavia straightened and sprinted after her friends, "Oh, it is on!" she yelled.
The three friends sprinted the remaining hundred or so meters to Clarke's house, Clarke arriving just steps ahead of Octavia, who had managed to pass Raven in the final meters. They all fell to the lawn in the snow, Octavia immediately making snow angels as she caught her breath.
"Dammit!" Raven shouted once she had recovered enough to speak, "I almost had you that time, O."
"In your dreams," Octavia countered breathing heavily, "if you hadn't cheated at the top of the hill, it wouldn't have even been close. I might have even beaten Clarke."
"Now who's dreaming?" Clarke stated, as she stood up and headed towards the house, "Let's get some breakfast, I'm starving."
A few hours later the three girls were once again sitting on the couch in Clarke's living room, breakfast completed and cleaned up. All three girls had managed a shower, and they had moved their cars after Raven suggested they get them out of the driveway so Finn wouldn't recognize them when he arrived.
Abby had come down at 11 and greeted the girls before hugging Clarke tightly and reminding her to call if she needed to talk. Clarke hugged her back, thanked her and walked with her to the door. With her mother now gone, the girls sat in comfortable silence, each lost in her own thoughts, and Clarke was extremely grateful for their company.
Her thoughts were focused on her upcoming talk with Finn, her stomach in knots, and she was unsure how she would have fared waiting on her own. Her friends noticed her growing unease and tried to make small talk and jokes to ease her tension. Clarke welcomed the small diversions but before too long, much sooner than Clarke was ready for, it was noon.
Raven had been keeping an eye on the time, and just prior to noon, she nudged Octavia who stood up and stretched. "Well," she said, I guess we'd better make ourselves scarce."
"I'm going to grab some food first, though, okay, Clarke?" Raven added. "Who knows how long we'll be up there."
"Oh, good idea Rae!" Octavia stated excitedly.
"No problem," Clarke said distractedly, "but you better hurry," she added.
Octavia and Raven quickly made a small lunch and carried it upstairs, stopping briefly to hug Clarke and wish her luck.
No sooner had the door to the spare room clicked shut than there was a knock on the front door.
Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath before going to the door and opening it for her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend.
Finn smiled as she opened the door, "Hi, Princess," he said as he stepped in and placed a kiss on her cheek.
Clarke forced a smile on her face and closed the door.
"What's for lunch?" Finn asked turning to her, after hanging up his coat.
Clarke shrugged and said, "I can make whatever you'd like, but maybe we could talk while I fix it," she suggested hesitantly.
Finn narrowed his eyes at her and frowned. "Okaaay," he said slowly, following Clarke into the kitchen.
"What would you like?" she said looking over her shoulder at him.
"Ummm, Clarke?" Finn said, and waited for Clarke to turn and look at him before continuing. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"
When Clarke didn't say anything, Finn took a step closer to her, reaching out a hand and tried to ignore her slight flinch as he placed his hand on her shoulder.
Clarke closed her eyes and when she opened them and looked at Finn, she could see the sadness in her own eyes reflected in his.
She continued to look at him, marshaling her thoughts, then flicked her eyes away to focus on the counter.
Finn reached out again and held her chin gently between his thumb and index finger, turning her head to look into her eyes again, "Talk to me Clarke," he demanded.
"Finn..." she started, then, "Shit..." She pulled her chin away from him and walked around the kitchen island, putting some distance between them. When she reached the other side, she stood to face him and took another deep breath.
Finn was looking at her with a worried expression and genuine concern in his eyes and it broke Clarke's heart. She clenched and unclenched her fists a few times and took another deep breath.
"Finn," she started, "I want you to know that I think you are a really great guy and…,"
Awareness dawned on Finn's face and in a slight panic he yelled, "Oh no! No, Clarke. No, you are not doing this!"
"Finn, please," Clarke tried again, "please, listen. I've had a great time with you over the past few months, but…"
"No!" Finn yelled again cutting her off, "You can't do this Clarke! You can't invite me over for lunch a week before Christmas and break up with me!" His eyes were glistening and his voice was heavy as he looked longingly at her, imploring her not to continue.
Clarke dropped her head and whispered, "I'm so sorry...I never wanted to hurt you."
"Hurt me! Hurt me! God Clarke, how could you possibly think this would end any other way?" he yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "What happened? I thought we were fine..." He stopped, taking a deep breath before continuing far more softly, "We were getting along great..."
"We were...we are...it's not about that," Clarke said softly shaking her head, still looking at the counter in front of her. After a few tense heartbeats, Clarke looked up at Finn before continuing.
"Finn, I'm sorry," she said softly, "I just...I need to be fair to you, and to me...and lately, I haven't been fair to either of us." She could see him getting ready to interrupt so she quickly continued.
"I do care about you, you need to know that, but..."
"But?" Finn said quietly.
Clarke took another deep breath, "but, I don't care about you the way I think you're beginning to care about me, and it's not fair to you," she finished.
"Clarke." Finn said softly, as he approached her from the opposite side of the island, "Don't you think I should have some say in this? Don't you think I should be able to say what's fair to me? Who's to say that you won't feel more for me if you give it some more time? Why do you need to end this before it has a chance to really begin?"
He was standing right in front of her and Clarke could feel the heat emanating from him, so she took a step back to put some distance between them once again. Finn noticed the movement and the look in her eyes, his shoulders slumped in defeat.
Clarke looked at him again, sympathy radiating from her every pore when she said, "I'm sorry, Finn. I truly don't think that's going to happen for me," she took a step closer and reached out to put her hand on his arm.
"No," he said jerking his arm away from her, "You don't get to do that. You don't get to try to make yourself feel better about this by trying to comfort me," he said bitterly.
Clarke dropped her hand that was hovering in mid-air during Finn's outburst and again quietly said, "I'm so sorry."
Finn let out a strangled laugh and looked at the ceiling, "'Sorry'. The most inadequate word in all of the human language right now, I'm afraid," he said.
"It's all I have," Clarke said quietly.
Something seemed to snap within Finn then, and he clenched his hands and stood straighter before looking directly into Clarke's eyes.
Clarke could see the fury building in his eyes as he unclenched a hand and ran it through his wavy hair, his brown eyes never leaving her blue ones.
He took a shaky breath before releasing it in a stuttering sigh before whispering, "I love you." Clarke's eyes widened slightly at the admission but she said nothing.
Then more forcefully, his anger beginning to bubble to the surface, "I love you!"
A third time, his anger evident in his body language and his volume, "I love you, Clarke!" She cringed as he exploded at her, unable and unwilling to respond to him, especially in the way that he most desired, so she stayed silent, staring at him as if she had never seen him before.
It was all too much for Finn and he took two quick steps towards her and grabbed her by the back of the neck and crushed their lips together. It was not sweet, it was not tender, and there was nothing about love in it nor loving about it. It was rough and desperate and Clarke pushed against his chest but he just pulled her in harder.
Clarke pushed against him again and raised her fist and pounded a few times on his chest. This seemed to bring Finn back to his senses and he roughly released her and pushed her away from him.
Clarke staggered back a few steps, raising the back of her hand to her bruised and swollen lips, looking at Finn with fear in her eyes.
"I...I think you should go," Clarke stammered.
Finn shook himself and looked to Clarke and saw the fear and the swollen lips and regret flooded his features.
"Oh my God, Clarke. I'm sorry," he choked out, taking a step toward her.
Clarke quickly held up a hand as she stepped backward, "Just go. Please," she begged, not looking at him.
"Right, okay. I'll go." He looked at her one more time, longing and regret clear in his deep brown eyes, and then he turned and walked away from her.
Clarke stood in the kitchen for several minutes after hearing the front door close, trying to control her breathing and her pounding heart.
She was still standing there when her two best friends peeked around the kitchen door and then came in and surrounded her in a hug from both sides.
"We heard Finn peel out of the driveway," Octavia offered in the way of explanation for their sudden appearance.
They pulled back and looked at Clarke, noticing her red, swollen lips for the first time.
"Holy shit!" Raven exclaimed. "What the hell happened?"
Clarke shook her head and started to tremble, so Octavia grabbed them all a drink while Raven threw her arm around Clarke and led her into the living room where they sat and listened to Clarke shakily recount the events of the last half hour.
Once she was finished both Raven and Octavia hugged their friend again before Raven said softly "What a jerk."
Octavia nodded but Clarke was quick to say "Maybe, but I really hurt him."
"That may be so Griff, but it doesn't excuse his behavior; he should never have forced himself on you like that," Octavia added.
Clarke sighed and nodded before saying quietly, "I've never seen him like that. It was scary...he scared me."
She stood up wiping her hands on her pants before taking a deep breath and shakily said, "Well, I'm glad it's over, anyway."
Her friends stood with her and gave her yet another hug.
Raven looked at her watch and with a sour expression said, "Damn, I gotta get going. You going to be okay Clarke?"
"Yeah, thanks, Rae," Clarke said.
Octavia looked at Clarke, "Do you want me to stay? I should probably head home for dinner, but I can stay for a bit if you want."
Clarke thought about it for a minute before responding, "No...no, I'll be ok, I think I just want to go lie down for a bit."
Octavia was looking at her closely and Clarke allowed the scrutiny. Octavia was apparently satisfied with what she saw in Clarke's eyes, and so she nodded briefly before leaning in and giving her friend another hard hug.
"Call me if you change your mind, or if you just want to talk," Octavia said.
"I will," Clarke promised, "and you guys?" she said quietly looking at her best friends, "Thanks for being here, for supporting me, for understanding, for being great, just...thanks," she finished with a small shrug.
The two brunettes smiled widely at their friend and Raven, piped up with "Wouldn't have missed it for the world, Clarke." But even through the sass, Clarke could see the affection and concern written on both her friends' faces and she smiled back at them. I really do have the best friends she thought as she walked them to the door.
"Ok, see you tomorrow at Jasper and Monty's," Raven yelled as she headed out without looking back.
"Do you want Bell and me to pick you up tomorrow? He has to work the next morning, so he said he'll be the designated driver," Octavia asked as she picked up her bag and jacket.
"That sounds great," Clarke said tiredly. She was emotionally exhausted and she just wanted a nap, "I'll see you tomorrow and…thanks again."
Octavia gave her one last hug and reminded her to call if she needed to, and they confirmed that she'd pick Clarke up at 7pm tomorrow.
Clarke closed the front door, cleaned up the mugs from the living room and climbed the stairs to her room, where she flopped down heavily on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.
"Now what?" she asked herself.
She closed her eyes, meaning to just rest them, but soon fatigue from her early wake-up and the emotional impact of the events of the afternoon overtook her and she fell soundly asleep.