Note: This is being posted almost a week after the Orlando shootings, and my mind is still trying to wrap around what happened in that nightclub. How we can still have that kind of hate permeate our community and how unstable individuals are allowed to procure weapons. It astonishes me. My wife and her business partner, (also my beta reader), operate Fangirl shirts, and they have launched a campaign where 100% of the proceeds of the t-shirts sales go Everytown, a not-for-profit group dedicated to increasing gun control laws in the US. If you are interested, you can search Peacemaker on teespring (it won't let me post a link here sorry).

I hope you are all well, and I am going to repeat something I saw on another story by anddirtyrain, because I can't say it any better. "There's nothing wrong about you, and I promise that for every person who thinks there is, there is an army of people who don't."

We are not alone - there is more support than there is hate and if you need to talk - about anything, my door is always open. Either here, or as Superskygrounder on Tumblr, or A03. Stay strong.

Once again thank you to Sally for beta'ing this and offering really good suggestions (that ended up in a massive reorganization of the next three chapters), but it is now better and has a much better balance of Clarke and Lexa in all three. We are working through feelings and recovering from an injury so no Clexa yet, sorry.

Day 1 - Clarke

Clarke was released from the hospital late the next day, with strict instructions to take it easy. No screen time, no reading, the list went on and on. Clarke inwardly cringed as she listened to Dr. Jaha lay out the rules of her recovery, and then after only a brief show of reluctance, she let her mother push her out to the waiting vehicle in the wheelchair.

"I can walk to the car, Mom," Clarke said, crossing her arms over her chest, leaning back in the hospital bed and closing her eyes.

Abby tried not to roll her eyes at her daughter's stubbornness. They had already had this argument, and she was unsurprised that now that it was time to leave, that Clarke wanted to fight her on it again.

"You will get in this chair, young lady. You can barely tolerate the light in here, and it makes no sense for you to squint your way to the car. Let me do this for you, Clarke. Please," Abby pleaded, looking at Clarke.

Clarke frowned and cracked at eye at Abby, seeing the worry and the love clearly in her mother's face. She sighed resignedly. "Fine."

Clarke crawled out the bed and dressed slowly as her mother went and made the arrangements for Clarke's discharge from the hospital. She had seated herself in the offensive chair with her eyes closed and a scowl on her face by the time Abby returned.

Thankfully, Abby didn't say anything, just walked up behind Clarke and passed her a pair of sunglasses over her shoulder before pushing her out the door and down the hallway.

The trip home was a quiet one, Clarke wincing slightly every time the car traveled over larger bumps or potholes in the road. After Abby had pulled into the driveway, she got out and walked around the car to help Clarke out. Clarke was already in the process of climbing out of the car when she felt her mother's hand on her elbow, helping her up. Clarke shot a glare at her but immediately closed her eyes as the sunlight hit. She briefly thought about shaking out of the grip, but then thought better of it as she felt her legs shake as she tried to stand up.

As they approached the front door, it suddenly opened, and Jake stood there looking out at them. Clarke looked up at the sound of the door opening and tears welled up in her eyes when she saw her father looking at her with a mixture of concern and anger, but most of all – love.

"Dad," Clarke whispered as she met him at the door. Jake said nothing, just swallowed hard and wrapped Clarke up in a tight hug.

"When did you get home?" Clarke said into his chest.

"I caught the first flight out that I could after mom called and told me what happened," Jake said into the top of Clarke's head, still holding her tightly. "I got home about an hour ago," Jake paused and kissed the top of Clarke's head. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here, Clarke. I'm sorry...I'm gone so much."

"It's okay, Dad. I'm glad you're here now," Clarke whispered, tears squeezing out of her tightly shut eyes.

Jake placed another kiss on the top of her head and then led her inside the house and up to her room. Abby followed along behind and helped get Clarke situated in her room.

"Where's your phone, Clarke?" Abby asked.

"My phone?" Clarke repeated. "In my coat pocket, I think. Why?"

"Dr. Jaha said no screen time. That means phones, too," Abby said as she fished the phone out of the pocket of Clarke's coat. "I'm sure your friends will be wondering how you are, so I'll handle any messages or calls you get for the first little bit." Abby saw Clarke about to protest, so she raised her hand to stop her.

"No arguments, Clarke," Abby said firmly. "I'll let them know you're home, how you are doing, and when they can come visit. You need to rest."

Clarke glared at her and then looked to her father for help. He just smiled at her and shrugged his shoulders in sympathy. "You're not going to win this one, kiddo," he said.

Clarke sighed and rubbed her temples, laying back in her bed. "This is going to be a very long week, isn't it?" she said wearily.

Jake just squeezed her shoulder, and her mom came and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Get some rest, Clarke. If you feel up to it later, you can come down for something to eat. If not, I'll bring you something up in a bit."

Clarke just nodded, closing her eyes and laying back on her bed. Abby noticed Clarke's furrowed brow and produced some pain meds and a glass of water in mere moments. Clarke downed them with a quiet word of thanks before her parents left her in the semi-darkness of her room.

Her mind was a jumble of half-remembered thoughts and memories of the night before. She didn't remember going to the hospital at all, which wasn't surprising considering she had been semi-conscious for most of it. She remembered being taken to her room and the nurse giving her something for the pain and to help her sleep, and she vaguely remembered speaking to Raven and Octavia for a few minutes before they left, muttering something about staying on Dr. G's good side.

What happened after that was a mess of memory, thoughts and feelings. She remembered thinking about Finn; she hadn't known what he had done to Jasper at that point. Her mom told her about that detail the next day, and she felt her guilt over the whole incident grow as her mom filled in the particulars. She remembered thinking about Lexa, and feeling guilty about involving her in the night's drama, but nothing clear or coherent after that.

Had Lexa been there? Clarke felt as though she had been, but perhaps it was just her drug-affected mind projecting her feelings and mixing it up with actual memories. Because why would Lexa have come to the hospital? She hardly knew Clarke.

Clarke sighed again, throwing her arm across her eyes to help block out the little bit of afternoon light that was leaking through her closed blinds. She decided she would try to sort it out later. She had plenty of time to do nothing but think, after all. She was tired, and her head hurt; it was going to be a VERY long week.

As the drugs kicked in further, Clarke fell into a deep but restless sleep.

Day 2 - Lexa

The day of Anya's arrival, Lexa woke early and spent the majority of the day pacing in her room. Lincoln was gone to work, as was Gustus, so Lexa was home alone fretting. Fretting about her reunion with Anya.

She was worried. Even though the phone call had been more than Lexa could have ever hoped for, and that Anya was about to fly across the country to support and help her, Lexa couldn't help but worry about that first face-to-face meeting. She didn't want it to be awkward, but she didn't know how it couldn't be.

An hour into her pacing, a text came through:

Anya: God, I must love you to be on a plane this early, see you in 5 hours.

Lex: Have a safe trip, I'll be waiting for you in arrivals.

Lex: I love you too ;)

Lexa's nerves shot up a notch, knowing that her friend was now only hours away. She tidied her room for what felt like the 100th time, grabbed the keys to Lincoln's truck, which he had graciously offered to loan her to pick Anya up, and headed to the grocery store to stock up on supplies, making sure to grab some of Anya's favorite snacks.

A couple of hours later, the groceries were sorted, and Lexa had completed what she could for dinner prep, just to keep herself busy. She flopped herself down on the couch, and opened an old copy of Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café, and stared at the pages blankly.

She couldn't focus. Her mind continued to wander back to Clarke; wondering about how she was, how she might be feeling. She wanted to speak to her, to hear for herself that she was indeed okay. She understood why Dr. Griffin was restricting Clarke's contact, but it frustrated her and fed her feeling of helplessness. Again, all she could do was wait; wait for Clarke to communicate with her, wait to hear she was all right.

God, she hated waiting; having no power to do anything but wait grated on her like nothing else. On the flip side, she knew that emotionally, she needed this distance from Clarke. She needed to sort herself out and figure out what to do with the feelings and need that surged forward and demanded attention every time she was near the young woman. Regardless of that awareness and with the understanding that she probably wouldn't see anything from Clarke, she couldn't stop herself from checking every so often.

Lexa felt herself drifting off, so she quickly set her phone alarm to wake her just in case she fell asleep. Sure enough, her head began to bob on her shoulders only minutes later, the stress of the last few days finally catching up with her and her body slumped into the couch cushions as sleep claimed her.

Roughly two hours later, Lexa was jolted awake by the alarm on her phone blaring next to her ear, where it had settled when she had readjusted herself on the couch while she slept. She quickly silenced it and sat up rubbing at her eyes and face, trying to wake up. The butterflies in her belly showed up in full force as she finally woke up enough to remember why she had set the alarm in the first place. Lexa quickly got up and went to the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face and looking herself in the mirror.

"Get it together, Woods," she said to her reflection. She finished up in the bathroom, gathered her coat, scarf, and gloves and headed out to the truck to go pick up her best friend.

The drive to the airport was uneventful, and Lexa was fortunate to find parking close to the arrival gate. She went in, found the proper screen and noticed that she couldn't have timed her arrival any better, Anya's plane having just landed. Lexa made her way to the arrivals area, found a seat and watched the door for her friend.

Anya strolled through the door about 15 minutes later, bag in tow. She looked the same as Lexa remembered, long blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, sharp cheekbones, and dark, almond eyes. She was beautiful, and Lexa's breath hitched in her chest and tears came to her eyes as she watched Anya approach, the other woman searching the waiting area, looking for Lexa.

Lexa finally stepped out from behind a small group of people and Anya's eyes found hers immediately. Both women had frozen for a heartbeat before Anya started moving purposefully toward Lexa, trying not to run people over in her haste to reach her friend. Lexa took a few hesitant steps forward as well, and both stopped and stared at each other with a few feet remaining between them. Lexa was uncertain what to do and decided to leave the first move up to Anya, who was drinking in the sight of her, eye's flicking over Lexa's face. A slow smile spread across the blonde woman's stern features as she watched Lexa fidget uncertainly, before she dropped the handle of her luggage, stepped into Lexa's space and wrapped her up in a bone crushing hug.

Lexa's arms came up automatically and wrapped around Anya's waist, as she buried her face in her best friend's neck. They stood there in silence for several minutes as other passengers flowed around them, squeezing each other tightly. Finally, Anya pulled back to look at Lexa who quickly wiped her eyes with her fingertips before meeting Anya's own. Love and compassion radiated from Anya's gaze, and Lexa had to choke back a sob before wrapping her friend up again in her arms, tears escaping from full eyes to run freely down her face.

"I'm so sorry An," Lexa whispered brokenly. "I've missed you so much; I didn't realize how much until this very moment."

"Shhhh, it's okay Lex," Anya whispered back, softly stroking the brunette's hair. "Were here now, together, and nothing is going to tear us apart again, ok?"

Lexa could only nod against her friend's neck, not trusting herself to speak.

Finally, Lexa released her hold and stepped back, wiping her eyes and nose with a tissue that Anya had magically produced. Once she had finished collecting herself, she looked up at Anya and said with absolute sincerity, "Thank you for coming."

"Always," Anya stated. "No matter what. I will always be here for you. I have always been here for you."

Lexa nodded, meeting Anya eyes again, and sighed out, "I know."

They stepped away from each other, Anya reaching down to grab her bag and Lexa reaching for Anya's free hand as she led her out of the arrivals area to the parking lot.

They stepped outside and a blast of icy wind hit them full force in the face, ruffling their hair and making their eyes water.

"Holy shit, it's cold here!" Anya exclaimed.

Lexa laughed, "It is certainly a different type of cold from the West Coast, but you get used to it."

Anya dropped Lexa's hand to zip up her coat and pull a scarf out of her bag. Once she had it firmly wrapped around her neck, she indicated for Lexa to lead on and followed her to Lincoln's pick up.

"Nice ride," Anya commented.

"It's Lincoln's. I don't drive much and haven't bothered looking for a vehicle of my own," Lexa replied.

"Hmmm," Anya mused. "I'm starving. Can we get some lunch?"

"It's 3 o'clock here remember, if you eat too much, you'll throw off dinner and have a harder time adjusting to the time change," Lexa warned.

"I know, smartass. But my body says it's lunchtime, and the food on the plane was god awful - I can't believe I paid for that crap! I won't eat much; I just need something to tide me over until dinner."

"All right. Do you want to stop somewhere, or just eat when we get home?" Lexa asked.

"I guess I can wait," Anya shrugged as she gazed out the window at her first look of the surrounding DC area. "So, what's the plan?" she asked Lexa, turning slightly in her seat to face her friend.

"Nothing firm," Lexa replied. "We can talk about options when we get back. I can show you some things, some tourist spots, and stuff, and we can make a plan from there. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good. You know..." Anya hesitated.

"What?" Lexa glanced briefly at her then back at the road.

"Well, you don't have to cater to me on this trip, you know? I'm here for you. You don't have to entertain me the whole time I'm here. When I asked about the plan, I didn't mean 'what are we going to be doing for the next three weeks,'" Anya commented.

"I think I knew that," Lexa softly responded. "I just...I guess I'm..."

"Hey. It's ok. We don't have to force anything. You're still my best friend. We may not have called on that for a couple of years, but it doesn't make it less real. There have been countless times, that I have wanted to share something with you, or just tell you about the latest gossip at work. Times when I have needed my best friend and wished with everything that I am that I still had you in my life. No one else has been able to fill that void for me."

Lexa could feel her eyes beginning to well up as she listened to her friend and quickly blinked back the tears threatening to fall before whispering, "I'm so sorry, Anya."

"I know you are. I'm not looking for more apologies," Anya softly said, reaching out and putting her hand on Lexa's arm. "I'm just trying to say that you have always been my best friend, you still are, even if it's hard right now. I understand why you felt you had to do what you did, pushing me away. But, we're here now, and I hope, no, I know, we'll get back to that place of comfort for each other. It will come because the reasons we were best friends are still there. None of that has changed." Anya gave Lexa's arm a squeeze and then removed her hand back into her lap.

Lexa nodded and glanced at Anya, giving her a shaky smile. They spent the rest of the trip in a comfortable, companionable silence until they pulled up to Gustus' house 25 minutes later.

"We're here," Lexa announced as she pulled in and parked the truck.

"I figured," Anya replied sarcastically, unbuckling and jumping out of the truck.

Lexa chuckled and then grabbed Anya's bag out of the back and led her into the house.

Lincoln was home when they entered, and he immediately walked over and wrapped Anya up in a huge hug.

"Welcome to DC, Anya," he said warmly. "It's great to see you again. I'm glad you're here," he said pointedly, flicking his eyes towards Lexa's back as she carried Anya's bag to the guest room.

Anya didn't miss the motion and nodded her head. "Me too." She paused for a moment and then whispered to Lincoln as Lexa disappeared around the corner, "How is she? Really?"

"A week ago I would have said she was doing better than I have seen her in over two years. Now, though, after what happened the other night, I just don't know," he whispered back. "She's conflicted, no doubt. I can tell she's scared, but she obviously feels something for Clarke - did she tell you about Clarke?"

At Anya's nod, Lincoln continued, "Lexa went into a hospital, voluntarily, so there's no doubt in my mind that there are feelings there. Not even her teammate's broken leg early in the season could get her in. So this was a big deal, and she knows it. That's part of what has her so scared, I think."

Lexa saw her cousin and her best friend whispering with their heads close together as she came around the corner. They saw her at the same time and jumped away guiltily, refusing to meet her eye.

"Wonderful," Lexa drawled. "You're ganging up on me already? Is this what I have to look forward to for the next three weeks - the two of you comparing notes and keeping tabs on me?" Lexa projected a stern face and voice to the two, but inside she felt a swell of affection for both Lincoln and Anya, for their obvious care and concern for her.

"I..."

"We just..."

Lincoln and Anya spoke at the same time and then stopped and looked at each other. They then turned to regard a scowling Lexa, and both broke into sheepish grins and shrugged their shoulders.

"We care about you, Lex," Lincoln offered shyly.

"Yeah, and we will compare notes and talk about you until the cows come home if it will ultimately help you," Anya added with a smirk.

Lexa stood and stared at the other two with her mouth partly agape before abruptly shutting it and swallowing around the lump that had formed in her throat. She closed the short distance between them in several quick strides and wrapped them both up in what quickly became a group hug.

"Thank you," Lexa whispered, "both of you, so much."

Anya rubbed her back and Lincoln gave her tight squeeze, and they stayed like that for several moments, not releasing until Gustus breezed through the front door and exclaimed "OH! A group hug, where's mine?" At which point all three started laughing and moved over to include Gustus, who squeezed everyone enthusiastically and welcomed Anya to his home like a long-lost child.

Week 1 – Lexa

The first week of Anya's visit went by in a blur.

Lexa didn't talk about Clarke, but that didn't mean she wasn't thinking about her constantly. Thankfully, Anya didn't push, giving Lexa the time she needed to try to organize her thoughts and feelings in a way that made sense. Not only to her but in a way that she could explain them to her friend. There was a consistent underlying feeling of unease, like an itch under her skin that she couldn't scratch regarding her inability to contact Clarke. However, there was nothing to be done about it. The choice of whether to contact Clarke or not was taken out of her hands and as a result Lexa was trying to accept it, relax and focus on reconnecting with her best friend. And if Anya noticed that sometimes Lexa's attention wandered or that she had a furrowed brow, or pursed lips that escaped her control on occasion, she said nothing.

They spent the first couple of days close to home while Anya acclimatized and they talked about their lives and what was currently happening regarding work for Anya, and the start of school again for Lexa. Anya was immensely proud of Lexa for deciding to go back to school, and they spent a day looking around the GW campus. Lexa located the buildings in which her classes would take place, they ate lunch at the campus pub and wandered around taking in the sights and enjoying each other's' company.

Another day they coaxed Gustus into spending a day at The National Gallery of Art Sculpture Garden Ice Rink. They decided to eat lunch at the Pavilion Cafe after viewing the gallery and before they went skating, ordering gourmet pizzas and hot chocolate.

Lexa had forgotten what an awful skater Anya was, so between her and Gustus, they arranged an impromptu skating lesson which attracted the attention of other visitors who asked if they could join in. Anya whole-heartedly agreed to this as it meant she wasn't the sole focus of attention anymore and was not alone in her embarrassment when she bailed and inevitably flailed around on the ice trying to get up before having to be rescued by a laughing Lexa. Anya thought she might fall more often if it meant hearing her best friend laugh again.

It was also one of the happier days Lexa could remember having, the only thing that may have made it better, was if another blonde had been there to share in the merriment as well.

They spent another day sightseeing and visited the Washington Monument, the Lincoln Memorial and, even though it was a bit chilly, it was bright and sunny, so they ate lunch on the National Mall. They toured the White House and did all the things tourists do when they visit DC. Anya bought a cheesy 'I heart DC' t-shirt, fridge magnets, and a bumper sticker. Lexa laughed at her every time, and felt as though she could finally see the metaphorical light in the darkness and was slowly making her way toward it.

Week 1 – Clarke

It had been a week since Clarke found herself in the hospital with a severe concussion and five staples in the back of her head. A week of pain, confusion, frustration and annoyance.

She had been allowed to go home late the day after the incident but had spent most of the first week in bed with a splitting headache, doped up on painkillers. She slept a lot and was completely out of touch with what was going on in the outside world - and she genuinely didn't care.

Over the course of the first week, Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, Monty and even Jasper had been in contact multiple times to see how she was. She had also received many get-well cards from her teammates, and the concern expressed by her friend's touched her, she just felt confined and bored - so very bored. Her parents had handled her correspondence for the first week, letting her friends know how it was going but asked them to stay away and let her heal a bit before visiting. At first, Clarke was resentful, but after attempting to get out of bed around day 3, she quickly realized she did not have the energy for visitors, it was almost impossible to keep her eyes open due to the pain that shot through her occipital orbits every time she opened them. So she stopped complaining and let her parents care for her.

She was pleased when her mom told her that Lexa had sent a message. She felt a bit giddy with the knowledge that Lexa cared enough to check in and see how she was doing but frustrated that she couldn't contact Lexa and speak to her. She tried to convince her mom to let her have her phone (just for phone calls, she argued), but Abby was adamant that Clarke avoided doing anything at all the first week. She convinced Clarke of the merit of it all, by explaining that the less she did early in her recovery, the faster she would ultimately recover. So Clarke capitulated again, grumbling the whole time about how stubborn her mother was, completely missing the ironic gaze her mother gave her in return.

Clarke had spent an inordinate amount of time during the week thinking about the party, and everything that had happened between her and Lexa that night. Things had been going well, Clarke thought. Really well. They were speaking like old friends, comfortable with each other – their interactions seemed effortless.

When Lexa put her hand on Clarke's thigh and huskily whispered that she thought Clarke was strong, Clarke could think of nothing else but kissing the beautiful woman in front of her. She was acutely aware of the heat gathering in her belly when Lexa said her name and the fire under her skin where Lexa was touching her.

And then, Clarke sighed, then there was Octavia and Finn. Clarke shook her head, struggling with the memories, or lack thereof, from the rest of the night. She replayed what she remembered over and over again, riding an emotional roller-coaster through each twisting turn the memories took her. Then she would do it again. Clarke was fairly sure if she didn't talk to someone other than her parents soon, she would go certifiably insane.

Near the end of week one, Clarke finally accepted that she couldn't do much of anything. Too much light hurt her eyes and brought on migraines she was sure were going to kill her. TV was out of the question because the concentration it took to keep her eyes focused and the resulting headache that followed just wasn't worth it; she couldn't read for the same reason.

The start of week two wasn't much better, not to mention that it was the worst possible Christmas she had ever had. She got up in the morning, staggered downstairs and attempted to be cheerful and opened presents with her family, but had to excuse herself back to her room after only an hour. The holiday was quiet and low-key, and Clarke barely made it through dinner. To say that Clarke Griffin was in an incredibly horrible mood would be an understatement of massive proportions, but, she thought she finally might be starting to feel better.

If there was one silver lining in all of this, she had rediscovered, late in the first week, her love of playing guitar. It was, practically, the only activity she could do without having to focus too much; she could play in the dark, and with her eyes closed if she needed to. She let her fingers wander over the strings, and re-familiarized herself with the instrument. She found she remembered a lot, and even though her fingers got sore, she knew that the calluses on the pads of her fingers would come back quickly. She strummed the strings softly, and found that the melodies gave her some peace, helped calm her sooth her troubled mind and allowed her to slow her wildly tumbling thoughts and just get lost in the notes and rhythm of the songs she was playing. She enjoyed how the soft, honey-gold wood of her guitar felt under her hands, and she found herself picking it up more and more as the days wore on. It gave her peace; it also didn't hurt that just about every song she heard, reminded her of Lexa, so she dedicated herself to learning a few new songs, just because it made her feel good.