A/N: This story is just turning into something so much more massive than I originally had planned (kinda like My Downfall and Anything She Does). It's also a lot more serious and a lot more ridiculous than I thought it would be (that seems to make no sense, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that the original plot wasn't so intense but also there weren't so many stupid moments…
Recap: Hiei and Kurama rescued a little girl from the ice village, and they decided to return her to her mother, which took them to a city Kurama remembered as being a thieves' nest (according to the title of this chapter). Koenma called Botan back to spirit world because she is in danger of being hunted by demons, as the cure for the virus in demon world is healing magic, and Kurama discovered that ice maidens from the ice village were being auctioned off for their powers.
Chapter 11: Thieves' Nest
"How do you know which way to go?"
"I don't! I'm not steering this thing!"
"Well that's reassuring…"
Kuwabara peered over the back of one of Puu's wings, feeling a little nauseous as he saw the treetops rushing past.
"We're moving really, really fast, Urameshi," he pointed out.
"Tell me something I don't already know!" Yusuke complained. "Damn bird! First he tries to bury me in the forest and now he's birdnapped me!"
"Don't you mean kidnapped?" Kuwabara asked.
"No, I mean birdnapped!"
"But the word at the start refers to the victim, not the assailant."
"If I wanted a grammar lesson, I would have taken Keiko! Shut-up and do something useful!"
"Like what?"
"Like figure out where this bird is taking us!"
Kuwabara peered over each side of Puu in turn before sitting up straight again, looking at the back of Yusuke's head.
"Okay, first of all, I have no idea where we are, because I've only been to demon world that one time, and I was sort of too distracted fighting Sensui to notice any road signs," he said flatly. "Secondly, you lived here for three years Urameshi, you ought to know your way around. And lastly, and absolutely most importantly, Puu only does what you tell him to do, so he's only taking us to where you want to get to."
"First of all, you better stop talking at me in that tone of voice," Yusuke snapped back over his shoulder. "Second, demon world is a huge place, saying I should know where we are now is like flying you over a foreign country in human world and expecting you to know your way around. Third, Puu doesn't always do what I tell him to do, and since he's blown a fuse or got a screw loose lately, he hasn't been doing anything remotely helpful. Fourth, I have no idea where we are, and you're really not helping. And last of all, I really hate people who list their sarcastic replies. Do that again, and I'm throwing you off!"
"But you listed your sarcastic answers too!" Kuwabara pointed out.
"I don't like people correcting me, either!"
Kuwabara muttered a few choice insults under his breath, but Yusuke ignored him, instead leaning forwards and looking over Puu's shoulder in the hope of spotting a landmark he recognised. Puu had, after trying to fly himself and Yusuke into the ground outside of Genkai's temple several times, eventually let Kuwabara climb onto his back alongside Yusuke, and he had taken them to demon world. Unfortunately, almost as soon as he had entered the world of red skies and thunderstorms, Puu had veered away from the direction Yusuke had tried to take him – back towards the breach they had discovered the day before – and instead he was flying very fast towards a mountain range east of where they needed to be. Yusuke was allowing Puu to continue, mostly because he was curious to see where the spirit beast would take him. He hoped that it was somewhere useful: the past few days had been hard enough dealing with a sick and strange Hiei, the last thing Yusuke wanted to face now was a sick and strange Hiei trying to come to terms with the fact that spirit world had exposed the ice village and flushed out Hiei's entire clan to be used as medicine against the virus.
"Hey Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked. "Do you think maybe Yukina ran away because of the virus?"
"I dunno, but wherever she is, she must be safe," Yusuke absent-mindedly replied.
"I think she knew this would happen and she ran away to avoid being caught," Kuwabara continued. "I don't think she could handle being taken prisoner again."
"Yeah, this must the first time I've ever heard about something useful her people can actually do," Yusuke replied.
"Yukina's not useless, Urameshi!"
"Name one useful thing she does."
"She heals my wounds and she's a great cook!"
"I'm a great cook and Kurama's plants can heal wounds better and faster than Yukina can."
"She's a lot prettier than you!"
Yusuke smiled, turning his head to allow Kuwabara to see his amusement.
"But she's not prettier than Kurama," he said.
"What?" Kuwabara yelped.
Yusuke laughed openly, silently glad of the distraction Kuwabara was proving to be. Puu rolled slightly and Kuwabara almost lost his balance, but Yusuke held himself in place with ease, continuing to laugh at Kuwabara's discomfort. They rounded the side of a large mountain that stretched up into the clouds and entered a wide, deep valley, the roaring of a river reaching their ears. Yusuke stopped laughing long enough to notice that they were approaching a crowded city, closed off from the rest of the area by mountains on one side and a deathly violent river on the other.
Yusuke briefly caught a glimpse of two figures by the riverside before Puu lurched in the air and began swooping down towards a jagged bridge, the apparent only means of crossing the treacherous river. Puu landed reasonably steadily, flattening himself against the ground to make it easier for Yusuke and Kuwabara to disembark.
"Take care of this child."
"Huh?"
Yusuke turned on the spot to see Hiei pushing a little girl in torn clothing into Kuwabara's arms.
"The people in this city will murder her if they get their hands on her," Hiei said sternly. "Do not let her out of your sight, understand?"
"Um, right, but what are you doing with a kid anyway?" Kuwabara asked.
Hiei turned to Yusuke, eying him over as though considering his worthiness before moving towards him.
"Stay here and protect that child," he said, stepping around Yusuke.
"Okay, but before you go running off, there's something really important I have to tell you," Yusuke said, grabbing Hiei's arm as he tried to climb onto Puu's back.
"Make it quick, I have to do something urgently," Hiei replied.
"Koenma called us," Yusuke said. "I need you to stay calm when I tell you what he said, okay?"
"Tell me now Yusuke!"
"Okay, okay! He said the doctors found out what cures the virus. It's healing magic."
"I already knew that."
"You did?"
"What?"
Yusuke frowned, tightening his hold on Hiei's arm and pulling him away from Puu to look directly at him.
"You knew that healing magic could cure the virus?" he asked. "And you didn't say anything? Not even to those doctors?"
Hiei faltered slightly, a hint of something indescribable passing over his features.
"I was going to go to Mukuro to fix it," he said quietly.
"Oh, I get it!" Yusuke said, brightening again. "The healing magic in the healing chamber partially cured you, but because you didn't stay in there long enough, it didn't totally cure you. That's how you knew healing magic was the answer, right?"
"Um…"
"Or did you just say you knew what I was talking about to look cool? Because you hate admitting you might have been the last to know anything…"
Hiei looked over at Kuwabara and Yusuke saw him turn paler.
"So it's true…" he said faintly. "The ice maidens are being hunted for their healing powers."
"Oh, you already know about that then," Yusuke said in a low voice.
Hiei looked up at him again, his eyes anxious and demanding.
"Those SDF soldiers who came here to seal the breach gave the doctors at the medical transporter a map with directions to the ice village," Yusuke continued. "They did it to stop demons going to living world and attacking ferry girls. It sucks, I know, but maybe this is the way it has to be. People are dying from that virus, and if the ice maidens can stop that, then maybe it just has to go down like this."
Hiei sharply yanked his arm from Yusuke's hold.
"Do not let them take that girl," he said, pointing back at the girl Kuwabara was still holding on to. "I have to do something urgently, tell Kurama I won't be long."
He stepped around Yusuke and jumped up onto Puu's back.
"You're not using my spirit beast as your own damn taxi, Hiei!" Yusuke protested.
"Puu, take me out of here," Hiei said to the bird, gripping into his feathers for added security.
"Puu, don't even think about it!" Yusuke said, grabbing one of Puu's ears and pulling it down, forcing his head over to one side.
"Go, Puu!"
"Stay, Puu!"
"Go!"
"Stay!"
Puu cried out in frustration, shaking his entire body until Hiei lost his grip and fell of and Yusuke was forced to let go of his ear.
"You have to let me go!" Hiei argued. "I have to do something very important!"
"You can powder your nose later, Hime!" Yusuke argued back.
"Is it always like this?" the little girl asked Kuwabara. "Do men always fight?"
"I don't always fight," Kuwabara answered her. "I do other heroic stuff too, like take care of cats and play air guitar to Megallica's Greatest Hits."
The girl eyed him over sceptically.
"I don't know yet that you are entirely a man," she said.
"What?" he yelped.
"You might also be a woman in disguise, like the other one with the colourful hair," she added.
"Nobody is a woman in disguise!" Hiei yelled.
"You could be," Yusuke muttered, eying him over with an amused smirk.
"He's not a woman, he has horrible man-hair," the little ice maiden said.
"You're getting a little too cocky, you should be more guarded," Hiei growled at her.
She leaned away from him and Kuwabara correspondingly turned his back on Hiei, lifting the girl up higher to keep them apart.
"Don't come over here and scare her with your mean ugly face, Hiei!" he warned.
"She came from the ice village," Hiei flatly replied. "She's seen faces far meaner and uglier than mine."
"…Isn't this the part where you're supposed to call me ugly or stupid or something?" Kuwabara asked.
"Huh, don't think you know me."
Hiei moved towards the bridge, peering over at the river below again. Behind him Kuwabara sat the little girl down onto Puu's back.
"My name's Rikka," she said.
"I'm Kazuma Kuwabara," he replied.
"I'm Yusuke, this is Puu and the grumpy little one over there is called Hime," Yusuke added.
"I thought his name was Hiei," Rikka said.
"It is, but we prefer to call him Hime," Yusuke replied.
"But why?"
"Because it makes him really angry, and that's funny," Kuwabara said.
"That's very mean. Only men do such mean things."
"Nonsense!" Hiei shrieked, spinning around abruptly to glare back at Rikka.
Yusuke and Kuwabara both recoiled further than the little girl at the sight of Hiei so irate that his eyes were glowing.
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Hiei continued. "How could you? All you know about is life in that reclusive and repressed community! You don't think women say and do mean things too? Or that men never have a kind thought in their heads?"
"Calm down Hiei, she's just a kid," Kuwabara said.
"Stop telling me what to do!" Hiei yelled back. "All of you! Just stop! I can't take it any more!"
He turned around to face the bridge again, marching up it and grabbing at the clumsy supports on either side of him.
"I don't want to cross this bridge!" he shouted.
"So then don't!" Yusuke shouted back at him.
"I've come this far, I'm crossing it!"
Hiei staggered awkwardly across the bridge, clutching at the struts as he went and then looked unreasonably pleased with himself when he finally reached the other side. He paused long enough to see Yusuke salute him with an offensive hand gesture and Kuwabara to shake his head, before running off into the city beyond.
"I can't take much more of him being like this," Yusuke said to Kuwabara as they watched Hiei slowly disappear from sight.
"I think you're probably definitely a man," Rikka said to Yusuke.
Yusuke smiled as Kuwabara turned around to face them, looking suddenly offended.
"I'm probably definitely a man too, you know!" he said.
"Big emphasis on the "probably"," Yusuke loudly whispered to Rikka.
"Shut-up, Urameshi!" Kuwabara snapped.
Kurama shouldered his way to the front of the crowd – which was easier a task than it seemed, due mostly to the fact that most of the demons around him were weakened by the virus and easily overcome. Of the few healthy that were in attendance, most were well-known, wealthy and influential individuals, who were apparently present to buy all of the women for sale and then auction off their services individually at even higher prices to the sick and needy. Once he reached the very front of the crowd, Kurama saw that two of the cages contained middle-aged ice maidens, who were typically stoic in the face of their awful predicament, one cage contained a slightly younger ice maiden and her early-adolescent daughter, who were clinging to each other, the mother as expressionless as the older ice demons and her daughter showing only a mild hint of anxiety in her eyes, and the fourth cage held an ice maiden around the same age as the mother ice demon, but she, unlike the other four, was clearly showing signs of distress. Her arms were huddled around her torso, she was trembling and her breathing was erratic: she was hyperventilating, just as the young ice maiden Kurama had rescued from the bandits had been. And, if what Hiei had told him was true, that meant that she wanted to cry, but would not allow herself to.
And, judging by her appearance, she was the mother of the little girl they had found, which was presumably why she was more upset than the others, having been separated from her child.
Although auctioning off demons against their will was not something Kurama had never seen happen before, he was surprised that it was being allowed to happen under Enki's reign as ruler of demon world, as he was known for his benevolent nature and had already abolished a lot of the crueller traditions of demon world, his most famous act being the implementation of the Border Patrol, created solely to protect humans who accidentally entered demon world. And with that thought in mind, Kurama moved closer still to the stage, grabbing the sleeve of the nearest suit he could reach, tugging a disgruntled doctor away from the others.
"What's going on here?" he asked.
"Let go of me!" the doctor demanded, trying to tug his arm free but failing miserably against Kurama's superior strength.
"Not until you explain this to me," Kurama firmly replied. "Tell me how it's possible that you can do this in such a public forum without protest?"
"Those witches are the answer we've all been looking for, haven't you heard? They can cure the virus! They knew they could cure it all along, but they didn't volunteer to help, and when we asked them for help they refused! People are dying all over the world, and these bitter bitches could have stopped it!"
"I understand that, but the fact remains that you can't sell them off like commodities!"
"Why not? They don't have any feelings or any thoughts of their own! This is the only useful thing they've ever done for us!"
"This is a blatant breach of Enki's rulings, you'll pay for this."
"Hey, this is happening all over demon world, and nobody else is complaining!"
Kurama roughly released the doctor, taking a step back to again assess the situation on the stage. As the cages had been set to resist only ice attacks, it would probably be relatively easy for him to force them open and set the ice maidens free: but there was easily more than a thousand demons crowding the square, the alleys connecting to the square and lining the rooftops of the buildings that framed the square, and every one of them seemed quite adamantly in favour of selling the ice maidens for their powers. Even if he had Hiei, Yusuke, Kuwabara and the whole team of demons Yomi still employed as guards – Chu, Jin, Touya, Shishiwakamaru, Suzuka and Rinku – Kurama knew that it would not be enough to free the ice maidens and overpower the crowds. His best hope, he supposed, was to alert the authorities, since surely Enki would not approve of what was happening, and he would have access to the most powerful and the clearest thinking demons in demon world, who he could deploy to Illyria to stop the madness.
"When someone gets sick, they pay for their medication to get better, right?" the doctor in front of Kurama said. "That's all that's happening here: people are sick, this is the medication, and they're paying for it."
Kurama turned around, no longer trusting himself not to try to fight what was happening. He started to push his way back through the crowds, but halted after only advancing a few bodies deep as he noticed a disturbance in the crowd ahead of him. People seemed to be parting in an almost straight line, but he could not see why. The disturbance moved quickly across the square before reaching the stage, at which point Kurama was finally able to see what it was.
"Hiei, no!" he yelled.
His voice was drowned out amongst the shouts of the desperate bidders around him, though he doubted Hiei would have hesitated even if he had heard Kurama's voice. The impetuous fire demon slipped between two of the doctors and leapt up onto the stage, lunging at the nearest cage. Kurama quickly pushed his way back to the front of the crowd, catching Hiei as he was thrown back from the stage by something. Almost immediately Hiei elbowed Kurama in the gut and wriggled out of his hold, leaping at the stage again, this time tripping and falling short of his goal as the doctors moved to block his path. Undeterred, he pulled out his sword, grabbing it in both hands and swinging it up into the air. Kurama leapt forward and grabbed Hiei's wrists to stop him bearing his weapon down again.
"What are you doing?" Hiei snarled over his shoulder at Kurama.
"I was just about ask you the same question," Kurama replied. "If you continue like this, you and I and all those ice maidens will be killed. Is that what you want?"
"I have to do this," Hiei insisted.
"I won't let you," Kurama replied. "This is another one of those times when your reckless ways are completely the wrong approach. This is one of those times when you absolutely have to stop and plan your next move."
Hiei's expression softened slightly, and Kurama dared to hope that he had actually managed to talk some sense into his friend.
"I'm really sorry Kurama," he said quietly.
"It's alright, we can still walk away from this," Kurama assured him. "You don't have to apologise, I understand how you must feel."
"You don't understand," Hiei replied, his voice a little firmer. "And I was apologising for what I'm about to do next."
"What are you–ah!"
On instinct Kurama snatched his hands back as a searing pain spread over his palms. Hiei used his moment of confusion to storm the stage again, this time managing to reach the cages. Kurama took a step forwards to pull him back again, but paused as a strange thought occurred to him. He slowly looked down, lifting up his palms before him. Where his skin had been in contact with Hiei's wrists he had deep-red marks, the skin already tightening as it typically would after suffering a burn – but the skin around the marks was unnaturally white, he was losing the feeling in the tips of his fingers and, most importantly of all, he had never before seen Hiei create a flame that did not burn off his clothing around it. Kurama lifted his head to the stage: the bandaging around Hiei's hands was unmarked and, considering all they had been through that day, remarkably clean. It seemed impossible then that he could have burned Kurama with a fire attack, the sensation caused by the attack had not been consistent with a burn and the marks he was left with were not typical of a burn either – it was almost as it he had been electrocuted rather than burned, but that made no sense either.
Kurama was forced to ignore his injuries and the questions surrounding them though as saw that Hiei had become engulfed by doctors in bio hazard suits. It was quite a ridiculous sight, as the doctors' mobility had been restricted by their bulky protective clothing, making it all the easier for little Hiei to slip out beneath clumsy, gloved hands and around weighted legs. Knowing that he had no other choice in the matter, Kurama climbed up onto the stage and began prying the doctors away from Hiei as gently as he could. Escaping the auction site was going to be hard enough as it was, he did not need angered and wounded demons chasing after him en masse to complicate matters.
Hiei, meanwhile, was mostly being held back by a demon who had a hold of his sword-bearing arm. He was thrashing about and dodging any blows the others aimed at him, but he was unable to break away completely. He was not, however, showing any signs of surrender. His expression was as determined and irate as ever, and his eyes were continually darting between the doctors holding him back and the caged women on the stage behind them.
And just as Kurama finally managed to push and pull his way through to Hiei's side, everyone on the stage fell under a shadow, and the tempestuous bartering in the square was reduced to a sea of confused murmuring.
"Oh no…" Kurama muttered involuntarily as he looked up and saw what was blocking out the light.
Hiei – who was not at all confused and remarkably less surprised or concerned than Kurama was – finally managed to pull his arm free and slip out between two of the suited doctors, dashing to the nearest cage. He tried to cut off the lock with his sword, but was unsuccessful despite delivering several violent blows. However, his struggles did not last long as he – and everyone else on the stage – was almost blasted from his feet.
Kurama tried to shout out to Yusuke and Kuwabara to turn back, but they both already looked irate, and jumped from Puu's back into the melee. Yusuke waved to Puu to fly up higher, the gusts his wings were creating making it difficult for even Yusuke to stand up straight. Puu obediently rose up higher, Rikka still on his back.
"What the hell is this?" Yusuke demanded.
"They're selling these women to be used and abused!" Hiei answered before anyone else could.
"Hey, look at the clothes they're wearing and those things in their hair!" Kuwabara said. "Are they from the ice village like Yukina?"
"Yes!" Hiei replied. "This one is Rikka's mother!"
Yusuke and Kuwabara squinted up at Puu's hovering form and then looked over at the barely stable ice maiden of identical appearance restrained inside a case.
"This blows!" Yusuke concluded. "Hey, was this your idea?" he asked the demon at the podium.
"Holding the auction here was my idea, yes," he replied.
"Thanks," Yusuke said, smiling sarcastically. "It's always good to know whose ass I'm meant to be kicking before I start."
He punched the man in the face, collapsing his protective helmet.
"Stop!" Kurama said. "We're surrounded here, we can't start a fight!"
"Selling innocent women as slaves is wrong!" Kuwabara cried.
Kurama and Hiei ducked down as Kuwabara charged along the stage, swiping his spirit sword about as he went. As the cages had not been rigged to guard against attack from human spirit energy, they deactivated and broke apart under his attacks. Yusuke stuck his thumb and index finger into his mouth, whistling out in almost deafening way, and Puu began to descend again.
"Can Puu carry them all?" Kuwabara asked.
"He has to," Hiei replied, carefully opening out the cage around the ice maiden and her young daughter.
"Get them on quick, I'll take care of crowd control," Yusuke said.
"This isn't going to work!" Kurama said.
"Ow!" Kuwabara yelped as one of the ice maiden stamped on his foot when he tried to help her out of her cage.
"You have to go with Puu," Hiei told the ice maidens as he ushered them together in front of Puu. "And go quickly, it's very dangerous for you to stay here."
The women looked reluctant to do anything, but when she saw her daughter on Puu's back, Rikka's mother scrambled up over his wing without a second thought. Gradually the others followed her lead, struggling to fit themselves comfortably onto Puu's back.
"Go Puu, take them out of here!" Yusuke urged, waving a hand at his spirit beast.
Puu called out his name and spread out his wings, knocking down one of the doctors approaching him. He managed to lift himself from the stage again, but demons and doctors alike all leapt at him, grabbing onto his legs to weigh him down.
"Gees, what is wrong with these bastards?" Yusuke asked.
"They're sick, Yusuke," Kurama explained.
"You're telling me!" Yusuke agreed.
"No, he means they have the virus," Hiei said. "They're trying to buy these women to get themselves cured!"
Yusuke paused.
"These people will die if they don't get help," Kurama pointed out.
"Yeah, but they don't have to sell those women in cages like they're animals in a zoo!" Kuwabara argued, pulling one of the demons from Puu's leg.
Hiei hurried over and began assisting Kuwabara, both shortly managing to free one of Puu's legs. Puu tucked his freed leg up against his body to stop any more attacks and Kuwabara and Hiei moved their efforts to his other leg. Kurama grabbed Yusuke's arm to catch his attention, hoping to appeal to the only semi-coherent member of the group.
"The vendor told me this is happening all over demon world, Yusuke," he explained. "We can't possibly stop it, and even if we did, everyone infected with the virus will die, including Jin and Chu."
Yusuke looked out at the heaving mob around them, the troubled look on his face clearly showing that he was struggling with the morals of the situation just as much as Kurama was.
"But if those ice hags are the only ones who can cure the virus, shouldn't they be helping everyone who has it?" he eventually said. "And not just, you know, those rich enough to win an auction like this one?"
"Yes, I agree that the methods used here are completely immoral," Kurama agreed. "But attempting to protect the ice maidens from these people isn't right or even practical either."
"Well we already started this, we can't go back now."
"Yusuke!"
Kurama tried to reach out a hand to stop Yusuke from jumping over to help free Puu but failed as he was pulled back by his shirt. He shortly fell into the fight, the crowd having seen him with Hiei, Kuwabara and Yusuke and assumed that he wanted the same thing that they did. Once Puu had been freed he rose up, his movements slow and juddering due to his carrying four adults and two children on his back, but he bravely kept going. Yusuke shouted at him to leave, but with the weight he was carrying, he could not get to a high enough altitude to pass over the rooftops of the tall, jagged buildings around the square. The crowd began throwing rocks at him in the hope of knocking him out of the sky, but a powerful and visible blue barrier quickly encased his entire being: whether Puu had created it or it had been the work of the ice maidens was uncertain, but it effectively repelled the stones and kept them all safe.
"What do we do now?" Kuwabara asked, elbowing back a protester and turning to Hiei.
"Why are you asking me?" Hiei asked before ducking out of the range of a punch aimed at his jaw.
"Well, you stormed this place, so you had to have a plan, right?" Kuwabara explained.
"Hiei never plans anything," Yusuke pointed out. "But you're right Kuwabara, we do need a plan. There's too many of these bastards, we won't make it out of here unless I blast them all, and that's not exactly something I want to do."
"We could just return the ice maidens to the residents of this city," Kurama offered. "Let's just insist that they don't auction them off, but rather let them freely cure the sick."
"Those women were chased out of their homes because of us!" Hiei argued. "We were the ones who left the SDF unattended in demon world, we should have made sure they left without getting involved! We have to protect those women: two of them are just children!"
"Hiei's right!" Kuwabara agreed. "They'll be tortured and killed, we have to get them out of here!"
"But how?" Yusuke asked.
Kurama sighed, watching as Puu clawed at the sloping sides of one of the lower buildings in a vain attempt to pull himself up and over it.
"We can escape here quite easily, we're not the target," he said, waving a hand to indicate the fact that the crowd was moving in whatever direction Puu went.
"They're not exactly fighting us because of what we did, they just want us out the way so they can be first in line," Yusuke added.
"Right, so we should get out of here," Kurama said.
"And leave Puu and the ice maidens?" Hiei asked.
"We'll come back for them," Kurama replied. "And we'll be better prepared for a venture like this when we do."
"You gotta plan?" Kuwabara asked.
"Yes, I do. Try to keep up with me."
Kurama grabbed Hiei by the arm and dragged him from the stage – although he had not been fighting, he had been caught up amongst the mass of bodies trying to follow Puu across the square. Yusuke waited for Kuwabara who, being taller than most of the bodies around him, managed to push his way over to join them. As Kurama had expected, the only resistance they faced trying to cross the square came from those trying to follow Puu rather than anyone interested in fighting them because of what they had done. There was an alarming number of sick gathered there, and the more desperate faces they passed, the more acutely aware Kurama became that there was a genuine need for the ice maidens to assist where they could. He glanced down at Hiei, and saw that he looked positively wild and as angry as he had when he had first thrown himself at the stage: apparently seeing the mass of bodies chasing after the ice maidens had only further cemented his opinion of the situation too, which was going to make any attempts at convincing him otherwise virtually impossible. And, because he could see that Hiei was becoming quite emotional about the ice maidens' predicament, Kurama kept a tight hold of his arm as they navigated their way through the crowd.
Once they had made it down an alleyway and finally broken from the ranks of the sick, they all stopped to look back and assess the situation behind them. Puu was still keeping himself protected and out of reach of the crowd, but with demons leaning out of building windows and scaling drainpipes to rooftops, there was only so long he would be able to hold on.
"What's the plan, fox boy?" Yusuke asked, turning to Kurama.
"This way," Kurama replied, releasing Hiei and turning around. "There is a minor military complex not far from here. With any luck, it will be abandoned."
All four began running, Kurama leading the way.
"So you know this place?" Kuwabara asked.
"Very well," Kurama replied.
"Why are we going to boot camp?" Yusuke asked.
"We need to make a small acquisition."
Yusuke glanced at Kuwabara and Hiei in turn, and when he saw that both looked as confused as he felt, he turned back to Kurama.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"We're going to have to steal something," Kurama replied.
"I don't know that's such a good idea," Kuwabara said.
"I guess it depends what we're taking," Yusuke said. "Hey Kurama? What are we taking?"
"That."
Kurama slowed to a halt by a set of high, cross-wire gates. Beyond the gates was a low, dark building which looked quite ridiculous in the midst of the impossibly high buildings of the city around it. It was fenced off, and between the building and the fence was rough ground, mostly decorated with an assortment of jagged, bloodstained tools of torture.
"I don't get it," Yusuke concluded.
Kurama moved to the latch holding the gates closed, only partially surprised to find it locked.
"It's been a long time since I've done this," he said as he retrieved a thin length of metal from his pocket. "But hopefully Hiei will remember anything I may have forgotten."
Hiei stiffened, his eyebrows shooting upwards and disappearing behind his bandana.
"Done what?" Kuwabara asked as Kurama worked the metal pick he had into the lock.
"Driven a military vehicle."
Yusuke and Kuwabara exchanged looks of alarm and excitement before both turning back to Kurama.
"Are you serious?" Yusuke asked him, as the lock fell open in his hands. "I don't really care about taking orders from anyone in a uniform, but I think maybe stealing from the military is a bad idea."
"We don't have any other choice," Kurama replied, pushing open one of the gates.
"This is getting way more dangerous than it needs to be…" Kuwabara grumbled.
Kurama began jogging across the yard, hopping about occasionally to pick his way past the discarded weaponry. Yusuke followed him without hesitation, but Kuwabara and Hiei held back slightly, both too distracted by their surroundings to notice that they were falling behind.
"This is really bad…" Kuwabara muttered.
"It's so real," Hiei said, his voice light and quiet, his words almost lost in the breeze. "I can smell it, and I almost even taste it."
Kuwabara gave Hiei a strange look, and Hiei took several seconds to notice; but when he did he quickly adopted a stern scowl.
"Huh, what's the matter Kuwabara?" he asked, his voice almost back to normal. "Are you afraid?"
"Nuh-uh!" Kuwabara responded, his expression hardening. "You're the one that's shaking, shorty!"
He stomped on ahead, and, after looking down at one of his slightly quivering hands, Hiei hurried after him, joining the others by a large armoured vehicle. Kurama had climbed the short ladder at the side of the vehicle and prised open the door, but he had stopped there to look back down at the others.
"This one should provide us with enough protection to get to Puu and out of this city unharmed," he said. "After that, we go straight to Enki and report this entire affair to him."
"Right!" Yusuke agreed.
Kurama continued into the vehicle and Yusuke eagerly followed him. Kuwabara elbowed Hiei aside to climb up next, and Hiei hesitated long enough to glower up at Kuwabara before joining them inside the vehicle.
"I guess it's just like driving a car, right?" Yusuke commented.
"Have you ever driven a car before?" Kuwabara asked him.
"No," he replied.
"So then why did you… Never mind."
Kurama lay down on his back and slid himself under the dashboard, pulling at various wires experimentally.
"It's been a long time since I did this, I can't remember if it's the blue or the yellow wire to bypass the ignition," he muttered.
"What happens if you get it wrong?" Kuwabara asked.
"I make the fuel tank live and it explodes," Kurama calmly replied.
"What?!" Kuwabara yelped.
"Why don't you just use the key?" Yusuke asked.
Kurama paused, peering out between his tangled fingers at the Mazoku, who was holding up a key between his thumb and forefinger.
"Where did you get that?" Hiei asked.
"Same place everyone keeps their spare key," Yusuke replied with a shrug. "It was in the sun-visor."
Kurama slowly untangled himself and slid out from under the dashboard.
"Right, well, that certainly makes things a little easier," he agreed. "Have you ever driven one of these before?"
"Me?" Yusuke asked. "No. But it's probably no harder than driving a car, right?"
"You've never driven a car…" Kuwabara muttered.
Kurama eyed them both sceptically before rising to his feet and walking over to Hiei.
"I at least know that you know what to do," he said, holding out the key towards him. "Take us back to the plaza, I'm going to climb up to the top level and start working open the roof-hatch. We just need to get close enough for Puu to land on the roof, then I can guide his passengers down through the hatch."
Hiei, who had been staring at the key almost fearfully, slowly lifted his eyes to Kurama as he stopped speaking.
"M-maybe I should open the hatch and help the ice maidens on board," he said quietly.
"They don't trust you, least of all after your aggressive display back there," Kurama replied. "They think I'm a woman in disguise, I think they're more likely to trust me… And besides, you're not tall enough to reach the release mechanisms on the hatch."
Hiei lowered his eyes to the key again and gulped.
"You wanted this," Kurama reminded him, pushing the key into one of his hands and forcing his fist to close around it. "As soon as Puu has landed, move away as quickly as you can. Don't hold back. If you have to drive too fast for the ice maidens to safely come down that's fine, they can hang onto Puu until we reach a safer place."
Hiei opened his mouth as though to say something, but Kurama turned and ran off before he got the chance.
"Let's go, Hiei!" Yusuke said impatiently.
Hiei turned around to face the controls of the vehicle: a wide desk littered with buttons and levers and dials, an enormous steering wheel, three foot-pedals and a large, rotating, reclining chair lay before him. He carefully approached the chair, the controls looking no less daunting when viewed close-up than they had from the other side of the cockpit.
"I don't think my feet will reach the pedals," he said.
"Can't you just adjust the seat?" Kuwabara asked. "It's real easy, watch."
Kuwabara pushed the seat closer to the steering wheel and lowered it slightly.
"How did you know how to do that?" Hiei asked him.
"Just sit down and get us back to Puu already!" Yusuke snapped.
Hiei stumbled and scrambled his way into the chair, his feet hovering over the pedals and his hands dancing in the air above the steering wheel.
"Key goes in the ignition, numb nuts," Yusuke growled.
"I knew that!" Hiei snapped.
He leaned from side to side, forwards and backwards, his eyes darting about frantically.
"The key-hole over here?" Kuwabara said, pointing to a slot below one side of the steering wheel.
"Of course!" Hiei said ramming the key into place.
He squinted at the markers around the ignition before delicately pinching the head of the key between his thumb and forefinger and clicking it round. At the first click the dials around him illuminated, on the second click a navigation screen flickered to life and on the third the engine started. The whole vehicle lurched forward violently before the engine promptly died again. Kuwabara had been thrown to the floor and Yusuke had collided with the control desk. Hiei had managed to grab onto the steering wheel to steady himself, but he looked more surprised than they did.
"Maybe you should try putting it into neutral before you start the damn engine, Hiei!" Yusuke shouted.
Hiei touched the tip of one finger to his lips, his eyes scanning over the various controls in front of him.
"It's this one," Kuwabara offered as he stood up again. "The gearstick?"
Hiei watched him pull the largest of the levers, which rose up from the floor of the cabin, down and over to one side. He then looked up at Kuwabara, narrowing his eyes.
"How did you know that?" he asked.
"How did you not know that?" Kuwabara responded.
"I did know that!" Hiei snapped, turning his attention back to the controls.
He turned the key in the ignition again, and again the engine roared the life, this time without the vehicle moving. The cabin floor and walls vibrated with the growl of the engine, the rattling noise it created making it difficult to hear much of anything else.
"Take us out of here!" Yusuke yelled, his voice barely audible despite his effort.
"Put it into first and put your put down!" Kuwabara added.
"Stop telling me what to do!" Hiei yelled. "I can do this!"
He grabbed the gearstick – which was almost beyond the range of his short arms – and, after a brief glance at the numbers engraved onto it, he pushed it towards first gear. Yusuke and Kuwabara both winced as the gears screeched and scraped as Hiei tried to force the gearstick into place.
"What is wrong with you?" Yusuke cried.
"Put the clutch down before you use the gearstick!" Kuwabara added.
Hiei released the gearstick and peered down in the direction Kuwabara was pointing.
"It's the pedal on the left!" Kuwabara added.
"I knew that!" Hiei retorted, before stamping his foot down onto the pedal.
He grabbed the gearstick again and pushed it into first. When nothing happened, he looked up at Kuwabara expectantly.
"The accelerator, the pedal on the right," Kuwabara offered.
Hiei pushed his foot down onto the pedal as Kuwabara had suggested, and a revving sound filled the already noisy cabin.
"Foot off the clutch!" Kuwabara shouted.
Hiei sharply lifted his left foot and after another violent jolt forwards that threw Yusuke and Kuwabara to the floor again, the vehicle took off.
Next Chapter: Hm, not so much happens next time, it's one of those talky chapters. Oh well. The team eventually manage to recover Puu and the ice maidens (despite Hiei maybe not really remembering how to drive), and they are forced to take desperate measures to avoid pursuit and capture by the desperate punters from the auction. The title of this fic has relevance and Hiei just keeps getting weirder. Chapter 12: Politics and Polonecks