Note: So I am so sorry that I missed the update last week. RL got a bit mental for both my beta reader and I around the end of June and on top of that my beta lost an argument with a car while on her bike. So, editing my chapter took a back seat for obvious reasons, and I am just glad she is okay. But, we are back on track now, and I thank her greatly for her help on this behemoth of a chapter. It's a big one - over 8500+ words. So here we go, and I hope you enjoy!
It was New Year's Eve, and Clarke had been symptom-free for three whole days.
She had made it through The Princess Bride with Raven and Octavia, and she didn't end the evening with a headache; even after listening to Raven's pseudo complaining about her choice of movie. Clarke knew Raven secretly loved it, even though she claimed to be watching it purely for Clarke's benefit. Her mother had declared the evening a success but also cautioned her to be careful and not to push it.
The next day, Clarke left the house for the first time in over two weeks. She met Monty, Jasper, Bellamy, Raven and Octavia at the local coffee shop. She grimly examined Jasper's scar and commented on how she could barely see the stitch marks that had come out on the day before.
"I'm really sorry that you got caught up in this, Jasper," Clarke apologized.
He waved her off stating, "it wasn't your fault, Clarke. Don't worry about it."
The rest of her friends echoed the sentiment, so she let it drop.
Finn was a topic of discussion because up until that day, most of the group had been witnesses for his upcoming trial. However, Finn had taken a deal which made a trial unnecessary. Bellamy filled in everyone at the table while they drank their tea and coffee.
"So, his lawyer managed to get the prosecution to offer a deal based on a 'diminished capacity.' defense."
"What does that mean?" Clarke asked.
"They're claiming that even though Finn committed a crime, he shouldn't be held criminally liable because his mental functions were diminished or impaired," Bellamy explained.
"Is that like pleading insanity?" Jasper asked with a skeptical look on his face.
"No, not insanity," Bellamy clarified. "In Finn's case, they are arguing that due to intoxication his judgment was impaired and that there was no premeditation to what happened that night. Things got out of control, and he did things because he was drunk that he wouldn't have otherwise done."
"Well, that's fair to say, I guess," Raven piped up. "And also, are you sure you don't want to be a lawyer, Bel because you seem pretty comfortable with all this legal jargon," she added with a smirk.
"No. No, I don't," he said shooting a glare at the brunette. "I am way too attached to my history and mythology."
"So, what's going to happen to him?" Clarke asked quietly.
Raven reached over and squeezed Clarke's thigh under the table as Bellamy answered.
"Well, according to the DC Code of law, if he's convicted of assault causing significant bodily injury, he could have gone to jail for three years, had to pay a $12,500 fine or both. But since he's a first-time offender with no record of past violence, and with the diminished capacity defense, the prosecution offered a deal that Finn and his defense team accepted."
"If it had gone to trial," Monty suddenly piped up, "the prosecution would have had to prove criminal intent, mens rea. What Finn did, the act, is indisputable, actus reus, but with the diminished capacity defense, the defense could provide enough reasonable doubt for specific intent. It was in the prosecution's best interest to offer this deal."
The rest of the group looked at Monty with their mouths agape, all except Jasper, who just looked amused.
"What?" Monty asked with a scowl. "I did some research when I found out what was happening."
"Well, it's all Greek to me," Octavia said impressed.
"Actually, it's Latin," Raven corrected as the group closed their gaping mouths and Raven slapped Monty on the shoulder. "Trust you to bring in the nuts and bolts, Monty," she said with a smile, ignoring the glare Octavia sent her.
"Anyway," Bellamy continued. "He has to see a therapist, which includes anger management counseling. He also has to do community service hours."
"No jail time then?" Clarke asked with some relief.
"No," Bellamy affirmed, "I do think he was slapped with a fine, though, but I don't know how much. And, of course, it will stay on his permanent record."
"Better than jail," Octavia said. "As big a douche as he was, I don't think he deserved to go to jail. Sorry Jasper," she added sheepishly.
"Don't worry about it," Jasper replied, "I don't think he deserves to be in jail either. Though my parents may disagree." he finished wryly.
"I still can't help thinking that I should have been able to stop all this from happening in the first place," Clarke said, looking at the table.
"Oh stop," Raven and Octavia said together.
"We've talked about this, Clarke," Raven continued.
"Yeah, you need to stop beating yourself up about it," Bellamy added. "What's done is done. You know that we were all there, we saw what happened, and we know that you did nothing wrong in all of this. It's not your fault Clarke."
"Yeah, let it go, Clarke," Jasper said sincerely as the rest of the group nodded.
Clarke looked at her friends and with a small smile and a dip of her head said, "Thanks, guys, I'll try."
Even though Clarke told her friends that she would try to move on and let the whole incident with Finn go, she couldn't shake the guilt. She had agreed to go out with him in the first place because she thought he was charming, and if she was honest with herself because he was fun, present and interested. As the months went on, she knew he was starting to feel more for her than she felt for him, but she stayed because he was comfortable and he treated her well. He had had a few moments of jealousy and possessiveness that, in retrospect, should have raised some red flags for her, but for the most part, he was sweet, kind and treated her like a princess (even though she hated it when he called her that). So the fact that he essentially lost his mind and stabbed one of her best friends after she ended things with him, she viewed as her fault, something she should have been able to prevent. Maybe she shouldn't have ended it so abruptly, taken more time and led up to it more. Maybe that would have made it better. But she hadn't, she had blind-sided him and because of that, what occurred next was her fault - even if her friends kept telling her it wasn't.
The other thing that bothered her was the fact that she hadn't felt much for Finn on an emotional level. He was fun, he was comfortable, the sex was pretty good, but that was it. She had been in several longer relationships in the last few years, but she couldn't say she was ever in love. There had never been someone that she couldn't wait to see, that she thought about all the time; that she felt she couldn't live without. In recent months she had actually begun to think that perhaps she never would feel that way, maybe couldn't feel that way. Then she met Lexa. All of a sudden there was someone in her life that she thought about all the time; that she couldn't wait to see but was anxious to see at the same time. The butterflies that had taken up permanent resident in her stomach since she woke up today and knew that she would be seeing Lexa later in the day were a testament to that. It confused her that she could feel so much for someone she had just met, when she had never felt remotely close to this much with any of her past partners, regardless of the length of the relationship. Clarke mentally shook herself out of her musings and tried to focus back on her friends and the on-going conversation.
The conversation moved on from that point to what each of the friends was doing that evening. Everyone seemed content to have a very mellow evening planned, staying in with small groups. Bellamy had met a girl, Echo, who had invited him to a small gathering at her place. Jasper and Monty were going to hang out with their friends Miller and his partner Bryan, as well as a young nurse named Mya that Jasper and Monty had met at the hospital. Monty, in a burst of confidence, had asked Harper to go with him and to no one's surprise but Monty's, Harper had agreed. The girls, of course, were all going to Clarke's.
The friends wrapped up their get-together with hugs and wishes for a Happy New Year, and they went their separate ways for the evening.
Clarke, Octavia, and Raven stopped to get beer, food, and snacks on the way back to Clarke's.
"We better hurry if we want to have some of these appetizers ready for when Lexa and Anya show up," Octavia said as she helped load the groceries in the car.
"Right-o, O!" Raven chortled, as she jumped into the car and started it. She looked over at Clarke as she buckled her seat belt. "All right there, Clarke?"
Clarke looked back at her before offering up a small smile. "Yes, Rae, thanks. No headache, I'm not tired, and I'm looking forward to this evening."
"Excellent! Me too," Raven smiled back.
"Me three!" Octavia piped up excitedly from the back, making all the girls chuckle.
By 3:30, the girls had appetizers in the oven, beer cooling in the fridge and the TV set up to watch the US vs. Sweden, Jr. World Cup game in HD. They retired to the living room to watch the pre-game show and wait for the last two members of their party.
As Raven sat down on the couch next to Clarke, she noticed a guitar sitting in the corner.
"Why's your guitar down here Clarke?" Raven asked.
"Oh. Well, I couldn't watch TV, or play Candy Crush on my phone, or even read real books, hardly, so I had to find something to do. I've played it a lot in the last two weeks. I forgot how much I enjoyed it," Clarke responded.
"If I remember correctly," Octavia said thoughtfully, "you used to be pretty good at it. Have you still got it, Clarke?" she added with a smirk.
Clarke laughed as she walked over to the guitar and picked it up and brought it back to the couch.
"Well, I don't know if I do or not, O. I remember how to play all the chords, and the practice during the last two weeks has done a lot to knock off the rust," Clarke responded.
Clarke sat down, put the guitar on her lap and got comfortable before plucking out a quick scale. From there she strummed out a few chords before launching into an up-tempo fingerpicking instrumental piece. Raven and Octavia hooted and clapped as Clarke's fingers slid quickly up and down the frets. When the song finished, Clarke stood up and bowed dramatically to her friends, holding the guitar out to the side.
Raven held her hands out for the instrument in a 'gimme' motion, and Clarke handed it over before collapsing back on the couch. Raven spent some time experimenting with some chords, with Clarke offering advice now and then, and before they knew it, there was a knock on the door.
Clarke's heart jumped into her throat at the knock, but before she could move, Octavia beat her to it.
"I'll get it," Octavia said as she jumped up and headed to the door.
Raven continued to work her fingers on the strings, so Clarke helped her adjust her fingers into the proper position for a D chord.
She heard Octavia open the door and welcome the newcomers, and she tried not to turn and stare, instead keeping her focus on Raven's hand.
"Hi, Lexa. Hi, Anya. It's good to see you again. Come on in," Octavia greeted as she moved aside to let the pair enter.
"Thank you for inviting us," Lexa responded politely, looking at the small brunette before glancing over Octavia's shoulder into the living room.
The sight of Clarke sitting in front of Raven and smiling made Lexa's heart jump and start racing. She brought her focus back to Octavia, who was offering to take their coats.
Raven finally strummed out the D chord and Clarke smiled. "You got it, Rae. Let's go say hi."
They both stood up, and Raven leaned the guitar against the side of the couch before following Clarke to welcome Lexa and Anya.
As Clarke and Raven made the short trip to the foyer, Clarke's could feel her heart rate speed up exponentially, and when Lexa glanced up and met her eyes, she thought it might jump right out of her chest. Her step momentarily faltered before she caught herself and continued, eyes still locked with Lexa's. Clarke stopped a few feet away from the two women and tore her eyes away from Lexa to regard Anya.
Raven was right, Clarke thought grimly; she is striking. She took a deep breath and extended her hand to the unknown woman. "Hi. You must be Anya. I'm Clarke."
"Very pleased to meet you, Clarke," Anya said, reaching out to shake her hand. "Thanks for inviting us."
"Our pleasure," Clarke replied with a small smile. She released Anya's hand and turned to Lexa, who was watching Clarke intently. Raven and Octavia led Anya into the living room while Clarke welcomed Lexa.
"Hi, Lexa," Clarke greeted softly.
"Hello, Clarke," Lexa responded softly in return.
The two women stood and regarded each other for a few moments more before Clarke puffed out a breath, looked away and said, "I'm glad you could make it."
Just as Clarke was about to turn to lead Lexa into the other room, she heard Lexa call out quietly, "Clarke?"
Clarke stopped her motion and turned back towards Lexa; one eyebrow quirked in question.
Lexa looked at the floor and then back at Clarke before asking softly, "How are you doing?"
Clarke's stomach flipped, and her breath caught in her throat when she heard the simple question stated with such sincerity. She managed a lopsided smile before shrugging her shoulder. "Pretty good - thanks. I've been symptom-free for three days, so that's something." Clarke indicated into the living room. "Come on; the game's about to start."
Lexa just nodded and followed Clarke, torn between wanting to wrap the blonde up in a fierce hug just to feel her heart beating, and wanting to run screaming from the torrent of emotions she could feel building in her chest.
With everyone seated in the living room, Clarke and Octavia went to get the appetizers from the kitchen and bring in drinks for everyone.
"Raven was right," Clarke muttered to Octavia, under her breath once they crossed the threshold to the kitchen.
Octavia glanced at her as she opened the fridge. "Right about what, exactly? She is annoyingly right about many things. You need to be more specific."
Clarke couldn't help the chuckle that escaped at that, even though her insides were twisting with doubt and dismay. "About Anya. She's beautiful."
Octavia closed the refrigerator door with her hip as she placed five beers on the counter, and she watched as Clarke slid the mini sausage rolls off the baking pan and onto a plate. "She is, isn't she. Do you think they're a couple?"
Clarke sighed, "I don't have the foggiest idea, O." With that, Clarke grabbed the plate and some napkins and headed back into the living room, Octavia following behind with the beverages.
The first thing Clarke noticed was that Lexa was sitting close to Anya on the couch, with Raven in the armchair closest to the intimidating blonde. Raven and Anya seemed to be deep in conversation while Lexa was watching the newly started hockey game. As soon as the two women walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, though, Lexa's eyes snapped up and found Clarke's.
Clarke's breath hitched yet again as she looked into the green of Lexa's eyes and she offered her a shy smile as she set the plate of rolls down on the coffee table.
Octavia had grabbed the other arm chair, which left only the far end of the couch on which to sit. Right next to Lexa. Clarke looked over at Octavia, who just shot her a smirk before grabbing a beer and some rolls and settling back into the chair to watch the game. Clarke glanced at the spot available, snuck a quick glance at Lexa, and then looked at the empty spot on the floor.
Clarke swallowed and handed a beer to Raven, who took it absently, still engrossed in her conversation with Anya. Clarke looked to Lexa with a quirked brow, holding out a beer which the brunette took with a nod of thanks. Clarke pushed the last beer in Anya's direction and then turned and lowered herself to the floor and leaned back against the couch.
Lexa watched as Clarke lowered herself to the floor and sighed, "Clarke, you can sit on the couch, it is your house after all."
Clarke looked back at her over her shoulder, "Okay," she said as she started to get up, "I just didn't want you to feel crowded or anything. I could just sit on the floor," Clarke babbled as she pointed to the spot she just vacated.
"Clarke," Lexa said, looking straight at her. "Sit down." Lexa scooched a bit closer to Anya and indicated the space beside her.
Clarke nodded and sat down, immediately leaning forward to grab a few sausage rolls off the plate. She looked over her shoulder at Lexa, who was still regarding her silently. "Want some?" Clarke asked, pointing to the food.
"I'm fine for now, thank you," Lexa responded.
Clarke leaned back into the couch and tried to focus her attention on the game playing out in front of her, but she was vividly aware of the warmth emanating from the woman beside her.
The group sat in companionable silence, occasionally hollering out the odd, "Tripping! Come on stripes!" or "That call was horse shit!" or a variant of some such comment during the hockey game they were watching.
Raven and Anya had stopped their conversation to pay attention to the match as well, and Clarke kept sneaking side glances at Lexa beside her. She couldn't help but notice that while Lexa and Anya were sitting together, they made no effort to initiate any physical contact. Clarke couldn't help but be bolstered by that and had managed to shift closer to Lexa over the course of the period. By the time the first period came to an end, Clarke had noticed, with surprise, that she had shifted enough so that their knees were almost touching.
During intermission, Raven convinced Anya to help her get more food from the kitchen, and Octavia excused herself to use the bathroom, which left Clarke and Lexa alone for a few minutes. The two women sat in semi-uncomfortable silence until Clarke took a deep breath and turned to face Lexa, her left knee pressing slightly against Lexa's right one.
"Are you enjoying the game?" Clarke asked, immediately cursing herself for the lameness of the comment.
Lexa gave her a half-smile as she said, "It's all right. A somewhat defensive battle, so not much to get too excited about yet. I imagine that if the score stays tied into the third, things will pick up as both teams try to put it away."
"Hmmm. To be honest, I haven't really been paying attention." Clarke said, looking away from Lexa's green, green eyes.
"No?" Lexa said with a hint of concern in her voice. "Are you feeling okay? Should we go?" Lexa started to get up, and Clarke quickly put her hand on Lexa's arm to halt her upward motion.
"NO!" Clarke exclaimed quickly, before repeating more softly, "No. I'm fine; I just can't seem to concentrate on the game. Too much going on up here," she finished waving at her head with her other hand.
Lexa glanced down at the hand on her arm and then back at Clarke, who had noticed the glance and slowly pulled her hand away.
"If you're sure," Lexa said, settling back on the couch.
"I'm sure," Clarke confirmed. She paused, then spoke again, "I've just been thinking...I need to..." Clarke sighed, "I feel like I need to apologize to you for that night at the party."
Lexa felt her chest constrict at the mention of that night, but she just shook her head, "You have nothing to apologize for, Clarke. It certainly wasn't your fault."
"Yeah, that's what everyone keeps saying," Clarke muttered under her breath. "However," she continued more forcibly. "I invited you to a party, and then all hell broke loose, and you got caught up in it and had to deal with the cops," Clarke rambled out quickly. "And...I'm just sorry. That is not how I had hoped that night would go at all."
Lexa was watching Clarke carefully when she softly said, "How were you hoping it would go?"
Clarke's head snapped up to look Lexa in the eyes, a slight blush rising in her cheeks when she realized what she had inadvertently let slip. "I invited you to that party because I wanted to get to know you better. I know you probably think I only offered because Octavia asked Lincoln, but honestly, it just gave me the incentive to do it. I had been thinking about asking you all night." Clarke paused, searching Lexa's face before adding softly, "I really do want to get to know you better, Lexa."
Lexa swallowed, still lost in the blue of Clarke's eyes before she licked her lips and sucked her lower lip in under her teeth before she nodded once and looked away. "I'd like that, Clarke," Lexa quietly said. "I'd like to get to know you better as well, perhaps..."
Whatever Lexa had been about to say, was lost as Raven and Anya stormed back into the living room, arguing about God only knew what - Octavia trailing in their wake.
"You are so very wrong!" Raven tossed back over her shoulder at the imposing blonde following her.
"You wish, grease monkey." Anya shot back.
"God, just because I told you I liked to work on cars, and that I am a damn fine mechanic, does not give you the right to call me a grease monkey!" Raven yelled, practically slamming the chips and dip down on the table.
Octavia scooted around the two arguing women and placed more beers on the table for everyone, rolling her eyes at Clarke and Lexa in dramatic fashion.
"Um, Raven?" Clarke asked. "Why are you fighting with our guest?"
"Oh we're not fighting, Clarke," Raven responded, smirking. "I was just telling General Hotstuff over there that cold-brewed coffee is the best way to drink coffee. She disagrees."
"Who drinks cold-brewed coffee?" Anya offered up in her defense.
Clarke looked at Octavia and mouthed 'General Hotstuff?'
Octavia just smirked as she reclaimed her seat as the second period of the hockey game got underway.
Raven glared at Anya and confidently said, "Let me prove it to you."
Anya scoffed as she also reclaimed her seat, "How? Are you going to make cold-brewed coffee?"
Raven smirked and crossed her arms across her chest before replying. "No, but I could. Let me take you out for coffee. Tomorrow. There's a cafe that makes the best cold-brewed coffee. I'll take you and buy you a cup. And then I will listen to you saying how amazing it is, and how you should have believed me."
Anya's mouth dropped open, and she stared at Raven for a few beats before collecting herself and responding smugly, "Are you asking me out on a date?"
Raven's eyes widened in shock, and she glanced back at Lexa, who looked just as surprised as Raven herself. "Uh...um," Raven stammered, looking back and forth between Anya and Lexa. "Not a date, no. I didn't mean it like that - definitely not a date."
"Hmmm," Anya said, a hint of a smile playing around the corners of her mouth. "That's a shame. I hoped you were asking me on a date."
It was Raven's turn to have her jaw drop as she continued to look back and forth between Lexa and Anya, a stupefied look on her face. Lexa finally caught on to what Raven's problem was, and she smiled slightly before rescuing her.
"Anya, I think Raven may believe that asking you out on a date would be inappropriate," Lexa offered, still with a half-smile on her face. Lexa was very aware of Clarke staring at her intently, listening to everything that was going on as if her life depended on it.
"What? Why?" Anya asked, confused, looking at Lexa.
Lexa quirked her eyebrow and tilted her head slightly, her smile growing a fraction.
"Oh! Oh, my God!" Anya exclaimed before collapsing in the chair wheezing with laughter, her arms wrapped around her middle.
Anya huffed and wheezed for several more moments before she straightened herself out and wiped the tears from her eyes. She regarded Raven, who stood frozen in place by the TV, a look of utter confusion and mortification on her face. She then turned and looked at Lexa, shared a quick smile with her before standing and approaching the dark skinned brunette who warily watched her advance.
Anya stopped a foot away and looked down at the slightly shorter woman before saying, "Lexa is my best friend. That's it; that is all it has ever been or all it ever will be. She's like my sister." Anya looked back at Lexa and Clarke beside her and noticed the blonde's expression visibly brighten and made a mental note to mention that to Lexa later. She then turned back to the flabbergasted Raven and with another smirk asked again, "So, Raven. Are you asking me out on a date?"
Raven stood there motionless for a beat before nodding her head vigorously up and down. "Yes, I am most definitely asking you out on a date. A coffee date, to make you realize the wonders of cold-pressed coffee."
"Then I accept, both the challenge and the date," Anya remarked before turning back to Lexa. "Do you mind, Lex?"
"Not at all," Lexa replied.
"Actually," Raven piped up, "why don't we all go for coffee tomorrow?"
"Are you trying to get out of our date already?" Anya asked, eyes wide.
"Oh no, Cheekbones," Raven sassed. "I think I should take you on a real date. Out for dinner, maybe a movie or some dancing. Tomorrow's coffee can be just to show you how wrong you are, and how right I am."
Anya was staring at the brunette with a look halfway between annoyance and amusement before asking, "Did you just call me cheekbones?"
"Yes. Have you looked in a mirror? Your cheekbones are amazing," Raven stated sincerely, stepping past her to grab a beer off the table.
Lexa watched Anya try to conceal the blush creeping up her face by also grabbing a beer and plopping herself down in the chair, mumbling something about cocky grease monkeys. Raven just laughed and surprised no one but Lexa and Anya when she plopped herself down on the floor and leaned against the base of the chair between Anya's legs.
Clarke and Octavia had shared an amused glance before Clarke turned to Lexa. "So, how about it? Would you like to get coffee tomorrow?"
"I don't drink coffee, I'm more of a tea person," Lexa responded watching Clarke. She noticed Clarke deflate slightly so she quickly continued, "But I would love to join you regardless."
Clarke's resulting smile was blinding. "Great! I don't drink coffee either. The shop Raven is talking about has some great teas as well."
Lexa's heart leaped at the obvious pleasure emanating from Clarke, so she smiled at the blonde woman and gave her a quick nod before Octavia piped up from the other side of the living room where she had been watching the goings on with no small amount of amusement. "Can I ask Lincoln if he wants to come?"
"Of course," Raven said. "The more, the merrier."
"What's Lincoln doing after his shift tonight, O?" Clarke asked.
"Just heading home I think. He's finished around 11:30," Octavia replied wistfully.
"How did he manage not to be on shift at midnight?" Raven asked.
"He's only a volunteer right now, so he doesn't have to stay," Octavia replied.
"Why don't you invite him over here? He can ring in the New Year with us," Clarke offered.
"Really?!" Octavia exclaimed, bouncing up on her seat. "This was supposed to be a girls' night."
"He's important to you, and he shouldn't have to spend New Year's alone. Invite him to come over," Clarke insisted.
"Thanks, Clarke. You're the best." Octavia jumped up and wrapped her arms around her friend before settling back in her chair and texting Lincoln.
"We missed a goal," Raven said. "Sweden's up 1-0."
"Uh, oh. The US better get it in gear, the Swedes have an incredible defense," Clarke added.
The rest of the period was spent in comfortable silence, the odd comment on the game and Octavia's announcement that Lincoln would indeed join them after his shift. The second period came to a close with Sweden still up by a goal, but the US had been pressing hard and went into the break with momentum.
During the break, Octavia excused herself to text Lincoln, and Raven had picked up Clarke's guitar and was trying to remember what Clarke had shown her a couple of hours before. Clarke got up to refresh their snacks and drinks, and Lexa offered to help.
As the two walked to the kitchen, they could hear Anya teasing Raven about her musical ability and Raven's smartass comments back. Clarke smiled to herself and looked over her shoulder at Lexa.
"Our best friends seem to be getting along with each other," Clarke observed.
Lexa laughed lightly, "If you can call the constant insults and barely veiled threats getting along."
"If Raven didn't like her, she wouldn't be teasing her, or pushing her buttons quite so much. It's her tell. The more obnoxious and annoying she is, the more she likes someone," Clarke shared.
"Well, she must like Anya very much then," Lexa responded with a smile.
"Yeah," Clarke said with a small smile of her own. "Too bad Anya's leaving next week," Clarke said as she passed Lexa a bowl of snacks as she grabbed more drinks from the fridge.
"She's already talking about coming back for spring break," Lexa said as she nodded in response to Clarke's statement.
The two women grabbed their items and headed back into the living room in time to see Raven flipping Anya the bird as the older woman laughed hysterically.
"What's going on?" Lexa asked.
"Raven was trying to play something she claimed is a real song, but it sounded more like cats in heat instead," Anya wheezed between fits of laughter.
Raven glared at her before thrusting the guitar in Clarke's direction. "Play something, Clarke, before I kill her."
A blush rose in Clarke's cheeks as she glanced at Lexa, "I don't know..."
"Oh, just do it, Clarke," Octavia jumped in, having heard the request as she came back into the living room. "Lincoln says hi, by the way."
"I'm sure Anya and Lexa don't want to hear me brutalize any song they may have once enjoyed," Clarke said shyly.
"Oh, please, it can't be nearly as bad as what this one just tried to do," Anya said playfully, nudging a scowling Raven with her toe.
Clarke sighed and reached for the guitar that a pouting Raven had dumped beside her on the couch. She picked it up trying to quell the nerves that had started when she thought about playing in front of Lexa. Well, she thought, I'll either make a fool of myself or impress her. Thank God, I've been practicing.
Clarke took a deep breath and gave herself a mental shake to try to ready herself and shake off the nerves. She sat and quickly re-tuned the instrument after Raven had messed with it and then took a breath and strummed out a few experimental chords, before launching into a tune Octavia and Raven immediately recognized. Raven perked up, and Octavia started bouncing on the chair in excitement.
"Oh my God, Clarke! You still know this one? You haven't played it forever!" Octavia exclaimed.
Clarke nodded smiling before launching into the first verse, strumming energetically along.
"When I wake up, well, I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the girl who wakes up next to you
When I go out, yeah, I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the girl who goes along with you
If I get drunk, well, I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the girl who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver, hey, I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the girl who's havering to you
But I would walk five hundred miles
And I would walk five hundred more
Just to be the girl who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door."
Lexa was staring at Clarke strum heavily on the strings, belting out the classic song in an exaggeratedly fake Scottish accent. Of course, she could play the guitar, Lexa thought, is there anything this girl can't do? She couldn't help but smile when both Raven and Octavia started to echo Clarke in the second verse, and by the time they had hit the chorus a second time, everyone was singing along and repeating the words in all the right places.
Clarke looked at Lexa and held her gaze as she played and began the third verse, quirking her eyebrow and giving her a small smile.
"When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the girl who's lonely without you.
When I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream,
I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you.
When I go out (when I go out), well I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the girl who goes along with you.
When I come home (when I come home), oh I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the girl that comes back home to you.
I'm gonna be the girl that's comin hooome with you.
But I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more,
just to be the girl who walks a 1000 miles to fall down at your door."
Lexa swallowed and looked at her hands as the group started yelling out the da da lat da's over and over again, trying to calm the blush that had crept up her neck and the pounding of her heart.
The song ended with a flourish on the strings from Clarke, and immediately Raven and Octavia were clamoring for another one. Even Anya clapped loudly and encouraged Clarke to play again.
"Cater to your adoring fans, Griffin," Raven yelled.
Clarke held up her hand laughing, all trace of nerves gone. "Okay, okay. I've been working on this one all week, but it's not even close to perfect," Clarke paused and looked at Lexa before continuing, "but I heard it again last week, and I had to learn it. Be kind," she said with a smile as she scooted forward on the couch to get into a more comfortable position with the guitar on her knee.
Clarke took a deep breath and then began to pick out a melody with her fingers which quickly became complicated, however, her eyes never left Lexa's as she began to sing.
"Sittin here, on this, lonely dock. Watch the rain, play on the ocean top.
All the things I feel, I need to saaay, can't explain, in any, other way.
I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water, need to grow older with a girl like you.
Finally see, you were naturally, the one to make it so easy when you showed me the truth.
Yahh, yahhaaa, I'd rather be with you. Say you want the same thing too."
Lexa's breath hitched in her throat the minute Clarke started to sing. In the last song, she was being silly, using a fake accent and everyone was belting out the words to the song together. Lexa could tell Clarke could carry a tune, but really couldn't tell what kind of voice she had. That changed the minute Clarke opened her mouth, and she sang the first line. Her voice was clear and pure, but low and a bit husky. It was quite easily the sexiest thing Lexa had ever heard, and it sent a shiver down her spine. By the time Clarke had hit the third line, Lexa was entranced. Openly staring at Clarke with her mouth slightly ajar. Jesus H. Christ, Lexa thought, turning red once again. Clarke was still looking at her as she began the second verse, quirking her eyebrow at her again, with a small smile on her lips as she sang.
"Now here's the sun, come, to dry the rain. Warm my shoulders and relieve my pain.
You're the one thing that I'm, missing heeeere. With you beside me, I no longer fear.
I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water, need to grow older with a girl like you.
Finally see, you were naturally, the one to make it so easy when you showed me the truth.
Yahh, yahhaaa, I'd rather be with you. Say you want the same thing too."
The third verse carried on much the same way, with Clarke's deft fingers flying over the strings in between verses. Clarke broke her gaze away from Lexa during those interludes, but always found their way back when she picked up each verse. Clarke finished the third and final verse with one extra line, sung softly as the guitar faded away "Say you feel, the way I do."
Clarke sat up straighter and coughed as she looked away from Lexa. Raven and Octavia, who were not unaware of the looks that had passed between Clarke and Lexa, clapped softly, and Anya joined in.
"That was beautiful, Clarke," Octavia said, "What song is that? I don't think I've heard it before."
"Me neither," added Raven, "but it was really nice."
Clarke shrugged, "It's by Joshua Radin. I can play his version on iTunes for you later if you want." Clarke paused and took a deep breath, glancing again at Lexa.
"You need to bust that thing out more often," Octavia said grinning.
"Thanks, O" Clarke replied with a bright smile, "it was fun."
"Game's on," Raven announced. "Perfect timing."
As everyone began reclaiming their seats, Clarke met Lexa's eyes again. They seemed brighter, greener than Clarke remembered. She offered a shy smile to the brunette, who gave her a lopsided half-smile back, dropping her eyes.
"Clarke?" Lexa asked, "May I use your bathroom?"
"Of course, it's down the hall to the left," Clarke replied.
Lexa nodded and proceeded towards her destination, as Clarke watched her walk away.
Clarke sighed, and sat down and immediately felt the couch dip beside her. She looked over and saw Anya sitting next to her, eyes narrowed and viewing Clarke critically.
Clarke shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny, shooting glances at the intimidating blonde from the side of her eyes every few seconds. Finally, Clarke couldn't take it anymore.
"Is there something I can help you with, Anya?" Clarke asked, turning her body to face the other woman.
Anya raised a brow and continued to regard Clarke in silence. Just as Clarke was about to say something else, Anya spoke just loud enough for Clarke to hear. "I can tell that you like her, Clarke."
Clarke's eyes momentarily widened before she managed to control her facial reactions. She glanced around before dropping her eyes to her hands and responding honestly in a hushed voice, "Yes, I do. Very much." Clarke side-eyed Anya for some response to the confession and saw the older woman nodding as if to herself.
"I think you would be good for her, Clarke. But you have to be patient with her, okay? Don't push her, and for God's sake, if you hurt her I will personally eviscerate you," Anya finished firmly.
Clarke just looked at the blonde, eyes wide. "I would never push anyone into anything, Anya. Especially Lexa. And I have no intention of hurting her." We would have to be something for that even to be a possibility, Clarke thought to herself.
Anya nodded again before giving Clarke another appraising look before getting up and heading back to the armchair, roughly pushing on Raven, who had taken up residence, trying to get her to move. Instead of getting up, though, she just scooted over and smirked up at Anya. Anya sighed and slid in beside the younger woman, who promptly half turned and draped her legs over Anya's. Anya shook her head and smiled, before placing her hands lightly on Raven's thighs. There really wasn't anywhere else to put them, Anya thought to herself. Raven smirked again, and Anya just rolled her eyes.
Clarke was thinking about the brief, perplexing conversation she had just had with Lexa's best friend. Her mind was awhirl with scenarios and possibilities as to what initiated that conversation, but she couldn't come up with anything that made any firm sense. Clarke got up from the couch and headed down the hallway, lost in thought. As she turned the corner, headed to the bathroom, she ran full force into Lexa as she exited.
"Oof!" Clarke grunted as Lexa reached out and grasped her waist to steady her. As soon as Lexa's hands made contact both girls gasped, and Lexa withdrew them quickly. Clarke took a step back and looked up in time to see Lexa's eyes widen before she quickly schooled her face into one of mild concern. Both women choosing to ignore the sensation that had passed through them.
"Are you all right, Clarke?" Lexa asked.
"Yes, sorry. I didn't mean to run into you, I forgot you were in there, and I was lost in my own head and not paying attention," Clarke babbled, gesticulating randomly with her arms.
"It's okay, Clarke," Lexa assured.
Lexa looked beyond Clarke's shoulder to the hallway wall, seeing the pictures there for the first time. Some were family photos, with a gap-toothed and smiling young Clarke. Others with an older Clarke, a graduation photo from high school, many with her parents in different settings. There were also some beautiful paintings and charcoal drawings hung on the walls amidst the pictures, and it was those that caught Lexa's attention.
Clarke turned around to see what Lexa was looking at and blushed furiously. "Oh God," she moaned. "Please don't look at the baby photos."
"You were a very cute child, Clarke," Lexa observed. "It is no wonder your parents want to keep these on display. However, I'm more interested in the paintings and drawings. They're beautiful, but I can't see an artist's name on them anywhere. Who made them?"
Clarke blushed again, even deeper than before. Her ears turning so red and so hot that Clarke was sure they would burst into flames. Thankfully, Lexa didn't notice as she was still examining a charcoal drawing of a forest under a starry night sky.
"I especially like this one," Lexa commented, pointing at the artwork in question and turning to Clarke.
"I did," Clarke quietly said, looking away down the hall.
"Pardon?" Lexa asked, not sure she heard the quiet response.
Clarke looked back at Lexa and repeated softly, "I made them. They're all mine; my parents won't stop putting them up on the wall."
Lexa's jaw dropped open as she stared at Clarke in amazement. "Clarke," she whispered, "you did all of these? They're amazing. You are incredibly talented," Lexa finished in awe.
Clarke felt a buzzing inside her chest, and heat suffused her body as she listened to the praise coming from Lexa. Many different people had told her she was talented and that they liked her art, but it seemed to mean more coming from Lexa. Clarke dipped her head and mumbled an embarrassed "Thank you."
Clarke looked up again at Lexa and got caught in her brilliant eyes once again. She searched those eyes and saw what she thought was hope and possibly affection, but behind it all a hint of pain. Clarke wanted nothing else than to be able to take that pain away. Clarke got lost in the green of Lexa's eyes, reading her like she had never read anyone before; like she had been reading her all her life. Looking into Lexa's eyes, was like picking up a well-loved, long-lost book, and rediscovering the joy between the pages. Clarke felt as though she knew Lexa at her core; who Lexa was, who she was, who she will always be, and it made Clarke's heart twist in her chest with the duality of the knowledge and the incomprehensibility of such knowledge.
For her part, Lexa was completely unaware of what she was revealing in her eyes, too lost in the azure depths of Clarke's to care. What she did register was that she felt as though Clarke was truly seeing her, right through to her very soul. Not the woman who was broken and trying to find her way back to the light, but seeing her - Lexa. Who she might have been had things been different, who she might still become. She felt as though Clarke was her light - her beacon, guiding her away from the darkness of her past.
She could feel her heart rate increase and could hear the blood pounding in her ears, blocking out any other sound. Lexa's vision had narrowed so that she could only see Clarke, and just as she felt Clarke saw her, she felt as though she saw Clarke and a feeling of knowing swept over her being and took her breath away. Clarke's eyes spoke of stories that crossed the ages, and Lexa saw herself in each of those stories.
They may have been standing there for hours, or perhaps only moments; time meant nothing. Lexa's breath started to come in short gasps like she had just finished a set of sprints, and she began to feel light-headed. She was abruptly jolted back to reality as felt herself start to sway and had to reach out a hand to steady herself against the wall, never losing eye contact with Clarke. She watched Clarke physically shake herself and close her eyes for a second, before looking back up at Lexa, awe and confusion warring for dominance in her eyes.
Lexa still had a hand against the wall, steadying her, and she could see Clarke shaking, as if cold, in front of her. Without thinking, Lexa pushed off the wall and with one small step reached Clarke and wrapped her trembling arms around Clarke's waist, and pulled her in close to her. It only took a moment before Clarke brought her arms up and wrapped them tightly around Lexa's shoulders, pulling them impossibly closer and buried her head in Lexa's neck. Lexa let out a stuttering sigh at the same time as Clarke did, her breath tickling across Lexa's collarbone.
Lexa's whole body felt as though there was a live current running through it, and she thrummed with energy. Every spot that was in contact with Clarke was on fire, jolts of electricity jumping between them. Never had Lexa been held like this and she didn't know what to make of it. Yes, she had been hugged before, but the memory of those touches was faded with time and buried in pain, but she knew it was never like this. Lexa felt as if she had come home; being in Clarke's arms was like home - comfortable and safe. The profundity of this revelation shook Lexa to the core, it had been years since she felt anything like it, and never this deeply.
Clarke had no idea what was going on. She was confused and wound as tight as a spring, but she did not want to move. Her body was on fire, and she was drowning in the scent that was Lexa. It was a clean smell, hints of whatever soap Lexa had used that day, but underneath it all was something else. Something Clarke couldn't put her finger on, but it reminded her of vast open spaces and clean air, forests, and rain filled skies, all overlaid with a hint of smoke. She felt as though she could live in that scent forever trying to pin it all down and be completely happy.
They stood, trembling, holding each other tightly in the hallway, neither aware of the passage of time. Finally, Lexa loosened her grip on Clarke's waist, Clarke pulling her arms from Lexa's shoulders at almost the same moment. They looked away from each other, suddenly shy and took a step back.
Clarke cleared her throat and pointed a thumb over her shoulder. "Um, we better get back. The girls will send out a search party soon."
Lexa nodded but stayed rooted to the spot, looking again at the charcoal drawing of the forest.
Clarke again felt the familiar warmth in her chest as she observed Lexa admiring her artwork. She smiled and reached out and put her hand on Lexa's arm. The brunette immediately tore her eyes away from the drawing and down to Clarke's hand on her arm, then back up to Clarke's face, who was also regarding her hand on Lexa's arm.
"We should talk later," Clarke said, looking up with a wry smile. "I remembered something from the hospital, just now. Something you neglected to tell me," Clarke finished in a teasing tone.
Lexa regarded Clarke solemnly before dropping her eyes and offering up a shy smile and nodding again, not trusting her voice with the sudden tightness she felt there.
Clarke squeezed her arm gently and then stepped past Lexa and into the bathroom. She closed the door and then stood in front of the mirror, gripping the edge of the sink for a moment, trying to control the fluttering of her stomach and calm the torrent of thoughts colliding in her head.
Outside the closed bathroom door, Lexa placed both hands on the wall and leaned forward until her forehead pressed against the cold wall, between two photos of a pre-teen Clarke. She took a shuddering breath, pushed herself away from the wall and looked at the ceiling, blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall. She managed to pull herself together, just as Clarke exited the bathroom.
Clarke stopped, surprised to see Lexa still standing in the hallway. "Are you okay, Lex?" Clarke asked softly coming to stand next to her.
Lexa looked over at Clarke and sighed deeply. "Clarke. I think I might be more okay than I have been in a really, really long time," Lexa said honestly with a small half smile before heading back towards the living room and their friends, leaving a bemused Clarke to follow along behind a few moments later.
I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)
I'd Rather Be With You – Joshua Radin