Note: Once again, sorry for the delay. This was done awhile ago, but RL is kicking my ass lately, and I have had little time to do the things I want to do and spent way too much time doing the things I have to do. Adulting sucks sometimes! Thanks again to my beta reader, Sally. She is a busy lady, and I appreciate all she does.
Raven made it to practice on time the next morning, a cocky grin on her face and practically glowing. Clarke and Octavia wormed some details out of Raven about the date while they dressed for practice, which by all accounts had gone very well. Raven and Anya had enjoyed each other's company immensely and found they had much in common and spent several hours talking and laughing. Raven then drove the short distance to the river and took Anya on a short, slightly chilly stroll along the Potomac before heading back to Raven's to 'warm Anya up,' as Raven put it.
Clarke and Octavia congratulated a slightly blushing Raven on a successful date and then focused on the drills and exercises Kane was running them through. Anya perched once again in the stands with hot coffee, her eyes tracking the Latin beauty across the ice.
The practice was almost monotonous in its routine, and Clarke loved it. She was playing hard, participating in every drill and pushing herself, and so far everything was going well. She wanted to know if she was ready for a game. Kane called her over after the first 45 minutes. "You're going pretty hard, Clarke. Are you sure it's safe? I don't want any setbacks," Kane asked seriously.
"No, it's all good, Coach," Clarke replied. "I was at the gym yesterday and went pretty hard. No headaches, no nausea. My mom said I could go full speed today but to be aware of any changes. So far so good. I don't want any setbacks either; I'll be careful and stop if anything doesn't feel right."
"Okay. I'll bend to your mom's expertise on this, but be careful, please," he said, clapping Clarke on the shoulder.
Clarke saluted and skated quickly back to the group to get back into the drill. The rest of the practice went smoothly with Clarke relishing in her ability to participate and work at full speed, even if she did get winded faster than she liked.
Practice ended, and the three friends took their time in the change room, silently waiting for everyone else to pack up and leave. Once they were alone, Raven quickly excused herself with a short, "Be right back," before swiftly exiting the room leaving a bemused Clarke and Octavia behind.
Raven returned only a few minutes later, with a confused Anya in tow. The two women walked into the room, Raven tugging on Anya's hand when she realized Anya had balked as she walked through the heavy door, and turned to look at the blonde behind her, brows raised in question.
Anya's nose was scrunched up, and a look of disgust was on her face. "What?" Raven finally asked.
"It smells awful in here," Anya commented with a sneer. "How can you possibly want to stay in here longer than absolutely necessary?" She asked the three women who were all looking at her in amusement.
Octavia waved her hand around, indicating the room in general. "You get used to it," she said.
Clarke nodded as she shoved the last of her gear in her bag and zipped it shut. "Yep," she said. "The men use this room too, and it's even worse if the rink staff hasn't had a chance to clean it before we come in. The smell today isn't bad, to be honest. Most of the women make more of an effort to at least wash their gear on a regular basis. That helps a lot."
Raven just laughed and led the disgruntled woman over to the bench and sat down. "You won't even smell it after a few minutes," she informed Anya as she watched the older woman gingerly sit on the bench as if afraid she would contract some horrible disease.
Raven laughed again. "You've been friends with Lexa for how long? You've never been in a locker room before?"
"No. Why would I? I just waited for her in the lobby, like I was perfectly happy doing today," Anya groused, as she looked at a smirking Raven out of the corner of her eye. "Why exactly am I in here?" she asked.
Raven couldn't stop the blush that crept up her neck as she shrugged. "We wanted to talk about tomorrow night, and I thought you ought to join us."
"Aww," Octavia crooned, "did you miss her, Rae?"
Raven blushed even harder as she turned her glare on her friend, who quickly, and smartly, scooted out of range of Raven's hand before it could connect with her shoulder. "Shut up, O."
Clarke just laughed, and Anya raised her eyebrows and looked at Raven. "Did you miss me?" she asked innocently.
Raven snapped her head back to look at Anya and opened and closed her mouth a few times before finally clearing her throat. "Ahem, I mean, I just thought…I…." Raven took a deep breath and then locked eyes with Anya. "Okay, listen. Yes, I missed you. You leave in a few days, and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with you." Raven watched as Anya's eyes softened and a small smile graced her lips. She then turned to her two friends that were looking at her with a mixture of amusement and wonder. "And you two can just shut it right now," Raven said flatly before reaching out and taking Anya's hand.
The girls chuckled and then Raven asked, "Are you two planning on coming with me to the Grounders' game?"
"That depends," Octavia shot back. "Are you going to watch the game?"
Clarke grinned at Raven as she high-fived Octavia saying, "Yeah, Rae. Lexa probably won't mind if you aren't paying attention, but Anya probably should; being besties and all."
Anya rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop the smirk from finding its way to her lips, and she squeezed Raven's hand briefly before she eyed Clarke. "I think Lexa would be bothered more if you weren't paying attention, Clarke."
Raven snorted, and Octavia glanced in Clarke's direction in time to see the grin drop from her face.
"Wha…what do…what do you mean?" Clarke stuttered out.
"Oh please," Anya said. "The heart eyes that girl has for you makes me want to vomit on a daily basis."
"No, she doesn't," Clarke responded immediately, eyes wide.
"Oh, Clarke, sweetie," Octavia said as she shook her head.
Clarke took a deep breath. "I told Lexa the other day that I'd come watch her game, so yes, I'm going. Is Lincoln going, Anya?"
Anya nodded her head, and Octavia immediately piped up, just as Clarke knew she would.
"I'm there!" Octavia hollered, which caused all the girls to chuckle and shoot knowing looks at the tiny brunette with the wide smile on her face.
"Should we invite Bell and Echo?" Octavia asked.
"For sure," Clarke answered as she looked over at Raven and saw a corresponding affirmative nod.
Octavia clapped her hands in excitement, practically bouncing on the bench. "Oh, we should call Jasper and Monty, and they can ask Mya and Harper to come too; this is going to be so much fun. We're going out after, right?"
Clarke laughed at Octavia's enthusiasm, and then looked over at Anya. "It's really up to you, and Lexa I suppose," Clarke stated.
"Why me?" Anya asked confused.
"Lexa said that you had mentioned wanting to spend your last night here together," Clarke clarified.
"Oh," Anya said, understanding dawning on her face. She felt Raven give her hand a squeeze and then looked at the beautiful brunette beside her and smiled. "I think if Lexa wants to go, then hanging out with all of you would be fun. We'd still be spending time together, after all."
The women looked around at each other smiling.
"All right!" Octavia yelled standing up and thrusting her hands in the air. "We are going to party, bitches!"
They all laughed and then proceeded to sort out who would call who for the invites. Raven suggested making signs and face paint, but Clarke talked her down, reminding her that they played in the same league and it might look funny if they were too supportive of The Grounders. It was already going to be out of the ordinary having more than the usual handful of fans in the seats that came to out to support girlfriends or family members, and Clarke was loath to embarrass Lexa in any way.
Once they had made all the arrangements, the women walked out to the parking lot to Raven's truck where they said their good-byes. Clarke and Octavia made their way to their vehicles with a promise to be in touch to arrange rides for the next evening.
As soon as Clarke got home, she saw a note on the kitchen counter as she was walking past to the garage to air out her gear. She was curious, but her equipment was heavy, and the note wasn't going anywhere, so she continued on her way. Once she had finished, she went directly to the kitchen to see what was waiting for her. To her surprise, it was from her father.
Hey Kiddo,
I'm so sorry I didn't get to see you this morning. I got a call shortly after you left about a bit of a problem setting up the testing facility in Florida. So I have to go back – now. I'm taking the next flight out; mom's taking me to the airport as soon as I finish this note. I know we were going to hang out this weekend and I'm really sorry sweetie. I'll make it up to you, I promise. If all goes well with the testing next week, I'll be home for a while for some well-deserved R and R. I love you, Clarke. Please be careful in your game next week. I don't want another call like the one I got before Christmas.
Love, Dad
Clarke sighed, disappointed that she missed her father, but proud of the work he was doing. She folded up the note and put it in the back pocket of her jeans before sending him a quick text, knowing she wouldn't see a response for some time.
LittleGriff: I'll be careful. I love you too, Dad. See you soon.
She then sent a quick text to her mom, asking if she would be home for dinner. Clarke was surprised when a text from her mother came in only moments later.
Mom: I'm sorry you missed your Dad, Sweetie. I only have one surgery scheduled for today, so unless there's an emergency, I should be home for dinner. There is a lasagna in the fridge, and I should be home around six. You can invite the girls over for supper if you like.
Clarke: Thanks, Mom. I'll ask them, but I also wouldn't mind just spending some time with you.
Mom: Whatever you want, Love. See you at 6.
Clarke then quickly sent an invite to Raven and Octavia, inviting them for dinner. Octavia's response was predictably quick.
O: Hell yes, I'm there. You know how much I love Mama G's lasagna! I'll be there at 5.
Raven's response came in several hours later, while Clarke was taking a break from some pre-work she was doing for a class.
Rae: Is Papa G going to be there? I want to hear about his new rocket engine!
Clarke rolled her eyes before responding to her best friend.
Griff: No, he had to go back this a.m. to help solve some problem they were having.
Rae: Well, forget it then. I see you enough as it is.
Griff: I love you too, see you ?
Rae: Fine, I'll be there by 5. Will Abby be there to tell me gross hospital stories?
Griff: Yes, Rae. Mom will be here and would love to have a willing ear for a change.
Rae: Excellent! See you later.
Five o'clock came around, and both of Clarke's best friends strolled through the door, at the same time, without knocking when they arrived.
Clarke looked up from the kitchen where she had just placed the lasagna in the oven. "Come on in," she said sarcastically.
"Oh please," Raven smirked at her. "When was the last time we knocked?"
"Point taken," Clarke laughed. "So, since you walk around her like you own the place, help me make a salad for dinner. O, you're on garlic bread duty."
Both of her friends grinned and then washed their hands. Octavia immediately set to making a garlic spread for the French loaf sitting on the counter, and Raven grabbed a knife and a cutting board from under the counter and started cutting up cucumbers and tomatoes while Clarke prepped the lettuce.
They worked in a comfortable silence, and it wasn't long before all three had finished their tasks and tidied the kitchen. They worked together to set the table and had just retired to the living room, each with a beer in hand, when Abby popped in through the door, chased by a cold gust of wind.
Raven and Octavia yelled out in sync, "Mama G!" sending over the head waves toward the Doctor.
"Hi, Mom," Clarke added with a smile and a wave of her own.
"Hi, girls," Abby replied after she had managed to unwrap herself from her winter gear and headed over to the living room. "I see neither of you could pass up lasagna."
"Um, yeah!" Octavia enthusiastically said. "Like that's ever going to happen."
Raven shrugged and waggled her eyebrows. "I'm just here for your company, Abby. You tell the best stories."
Abby laughed, and Clarke looked at her friend with a look of mild disgust on her face. "Eww, oh my God, Raven. Are you seriously flirting with my mom right now?"
Raven shrugged and winked at Abby for good measure. "What can I say, Clarke. Your mom is hot."
Abby laughed again, along with Octavia while Clarke just scowled and took a long pull on her beer. "I seriously hate you right now," Clarke said after a moment. "Please stop. And Mom, stop encouraging her!"
Abby only laughed again and bent down to place a kiss on Clarke's head before going upstairs to change. "Thanks for starting dinner and setting the table," she called out as she walked away.
Clarke shot another glare at Raven who just grinned at her in return, before turning on the TV and finding whatever hockey game was playing that evening.
Dinner was a casual affair, interspersed with light teasing and comfortable silences. They all retired to the living room, after working together to make short work of the dinner dishes, a beer for each of the young women and a glass of red wine for Abby.
As they settled in, Raven, of course, asked Abby about her latest surgery and Abby's face lit up as she moved over closer to Raven to speak to her. Abby knew that Clarke and Octavia would have no interest and would most likely either continue to watch TV or start a conversation of their own and didn't want to disturb them.
As Abby and Raven conversed in low tones on one side of the room, Octavia grabbed the remote and turned the volume down on the TV. She turned to Clarke and asked, "How do you feel about tomorrow?"
"Fine. Why?" Clarke asked confused. "It's just a hockey game."
"It's not just a hockey game, Clarke. It's Lexa's hockey game, and we're all going out after," Octavia responded, watching Clarke carefully.
"So?" Clarke asked, looking away and taking a sip of her beer.
"Soooo…." Octavia encouraged.
"Can we talk about something else please?" Clarke pleaded, looking back at her friend.
Octavia rolled her eyes and said, "Fine. Did you have another dream last night?"
Clarke stiffened, as everything seemed to go quiet in the house at the exact moment Octavia asked her question. There was a short period of dead air on the TV as the program started back up, and Raven and Abby's conversation had halted right at that moment as well. Abby looked at her daughter curiously, while Raven's head snapped around as she looked between Octavia and Clarke with wide eyes.
"What dream?" Raven asked.
Octavia cringed and mouthed 'sorry' at Clarke before looking at Raven and tilting her head slightly and raising her eyebrows.
"No way!" Raven exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"What's going on?" Abby asked, confused.
"It's nothing, Mom," Clarke tried to deflect as she sought to sink into the soft cushions around her. "Just a dream."
"Just a dream?" Raven asked, looking at Octavia who shook her head minutely.
Clarke glared at her friend, hoping she could feel the heat of her stare.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Raven accusingly asked again with a little pout.
"You've been kind of busy the last few days, Rae," Octavia put in, "and it only just happened two nights ago. Unless you had another one last night?" she asked, looking back at Clarke.
Clarke shifted her eyes away and slouched in her seat, but remained silent.
"What in God's name is going on right now?" Abby asked again, utterly perplexed.
"You've never told your mom about them?" Raven asked, amazed. "Why the hell not?"
"Clarke?" Abby said getting up to sit by her daughter, concern starting to take over her tone. Octavia quickly got up and moved over by Raven to make room for Abby as she approached a sulking Clarke.
"It's nothing, Mom," Clarke said again.
"Your friends don't seem to think it's nothing," Abby said carefully.
Clarke sighed and slumped further into the couch, letting the tension drain away into the plush cushions, before turning her gaze on her mother.
"The night I turned 18, I had a dream," Clarke began. "It was unlike any dream I had ever had before. It was crystal clear, and when I awoke, I remembered everything about it. I didn't think too much about it, until a few weeks later, when I had another one. Different, but the same regarding detail and clarity. Over the course of the next month, they happened more and more frequently. I started to write them down, and it wasn't long after that, that I realized they were repeating. I was having the same dreams over and over again. They petered off after a while, but I would still have the odd one every couple of months. Then about two years ago, they started occurring again more frequently, until I started dating Finn and they stopped altogether."
"Well, that happens to a lot of people, Clarke. I've had the same dreams before, it's just your subconscious' way of dealing with stress and change," Abby soothingly said, rubbing Clarke's arm.
Clarke nodded. "I know that, Mom. But this, these dreams, it's different. When I say, I was having the same dreams; I mean exactly the same. I went back and compared what I had written down when a dream repeated and I wrote them almost word for word. And it wasn't just one dream; it's thirteen. Thirteen completely separate dreams, but when they repeat they are exactly the same – every time."
Abby looked at Clarke in confusion. "I don't understand."
Clarke sighed and closed her eyes, making a decision. "I'll show you," she said as she got up. "I'll be right back."
Clarke headed up the stairs to her room and bent down on all fours to pull a plastic storage tote from under her bed. She popped the lid off and pulled out three identical looking journals. Clarke quickly thumbed through the black, hard covered notebooks resolving to share them, finally. She had spoken about the journals to her two friends downstairs but had never shown them to anyone. Clarke took a deep breath, tucked the journals under her arm and headed back down.
She noticed that no one had moved while she was gone, and it was almost as if everyone was holding their breath. She gave them a nervous smile and waved her two friends over so that they could see the books as well. They quickly jumped up and moved over to behind the couch Clarke and her mother were sitting on, so that they could look down on what Clarke was about to show them while leaning on the back of the sofa.
Clarke opened the first journal with shaky hands and gave it to her mother, pointing at the first page. "That's not the first dream I had, but it's the first one I wrote down."
Abby turned slightly so that the girls behind her could see the page as well, and began to read. Clarke meanwhile, flipped through another journal until she found what she was looking for. When Abby finally finished, Clarke handed her the second journal and pointed to the date at the top. "This was almost a year later, but it was the same dream."
Clarke watched as Abby began to read again and then stopped, grabbing the first journal and comparing the two written accounts side by side, much the way Clarke herself had done years ago.
When Abby finished reading the second time, she looked up at Clarke with raised brows. "Are they all this…detailed?"
Clarke nodded solemnly. "Yes, some even more so. I drew pictures of some of the things I saw in the dreams, but in every single one, there is always one piece missing."
"Your mystery girl," Octavia knowingly said.
"Mystery girl?" Abby and Raven both said at the same time.
Clarke sighed again. "Yes, girl. I have no idea who this person is. I never see a face, or hear a voice. However, when I had a dream again for the first time in a very long time…"
"Since Finn," Octavia filled in.
"Since Finn," Clarke confirmed. "I didn't have a dream like this the whole time I was with Finn. But I had one again two nights ago…and again last night. I was talking about it with O the other night, and I mentioned for the first time that I knew that the mystery person was a woman." Clarke held up her hand to forestall the question she could see on her mother's lips. "Believe me, I know. If you read more of the journal, you'll see."
Abby closed her mouth and nodded her head, taking her daughter's word for it. "It's like a story," she said in wonder. "Is the other woman in this story you, Clarke?"
"I don't know, Mom. That's the thing. It's like I'm watching myself live a life I have never lived, some that I can't even fathom living, nor would I want to," Clarke said with a shudder. "There are some that are so inexplicably sad, and others that are so uplifting and wonderful…I don't know what they mean, or why I have them, or how to make them stop. I don't ever see me, in the dream, but I have an overwhelming sense that it is and that I am viewing everything through my eyes. All the emotion; the joy, the fear, the pain, the heartache," Clarke paused, taking a deep breath before continuing with a wistful smile. "The love. It all feels so real."
"Which dream was it, Clarke?" Raven asked, still flipping through the journal she had snagged off the couch the moment Abby had set it down.
"The forest," Clarke quietly said.
"Two nights ago, or last night?" Raven asked sympathetically; she knew what that dream did to Clarke.
"Both," Clarke said even more quietly, tears forming in her eyes.
Abby heard both Octavia and Raven suck in sharp breaths of sympathy for their friend and she looked up from the journal into the shining blue eyes of her daughter.
"Clarke? What…?" Abby asked with concern.
"Look at dream number three in the journal you are holding. It's all there," Clarke pointed out. "If you guys want to read it as well, there's a copy in each of the other two journals. Number eight in the journal you have, Rae, and twelve in this one, O," Clarke said as she passed the third journal to Octavia, who took it and quickly went to sit on the other sofa where Raven had already made herself comfortable.
With that Clarke got up and walked into the kitchen, unable to sit and watch as her mother and best friends worked through one of the most disturbing dreams she had ever had. That particular one left her drained and emotionally exhausted. That she had had the same dream two nights in a row was new, that had never happened before. Usually, it was months and sometimes years before a dream would repeat. That it happened to be that particular dream just added whole other dimension to Clarke's unease.
It didn't take long before Clarke could tell that the small group was nearing the end of the journal entries. She could hear Raven sniffing, and Octavia and her mother were openly allowing tears to stream down their faces. Raven finished hers first and immediately got up and wrapped Clarke up in a fierce hug.
"I'm so sorry," Raven whispered in Clarke's ear. Clarke said nothing, just hugged Raven back even harder.
Octavia was next, and she wrapped herself around her two friends, adding her tears to their sniffles. "Oh, Clarke," Octavia brokenly said. "I had no idea. I mean you told us it was bad, but reading it like that, just makes it seem so much more…real."
Clarke released her friends and laughed humorlessly. "Try 'living' it."
Clarke turned to look at her mother who was watching her with moist, sad, brown eyes. Abby patted the seat next to her, and Clarke moved to sit back down. Once seated, Abby reached over and pulled Clarke to her. Clarke melted into the warmth, safety, and comfort of Abby's arms. She might be almost 22 years old, but she would never be too old not to be grounded by her mother's love.
Clarke buried her face in her mother's shoulder and thought about what Octavia had said in the car the day before. "Do you believe in soul mates, Mom?" she asked hesitantly.
Abby pulled away slightly so that she could look down on her daughter. "Yes," she said succinctly, with no hesitation.
Clarke sat up in surprise and looked at her mother. "You do? Really?"
Abby gave her a small smile. "I do. Really. I've always thought that your father is my soul mate. We work perfectly together. He is my safe haven, no matter what's going on, or how stressed I am, he makes me feel safe. He is my comfort. From the moment I met him, it just felt right. Everything felt right; the way his hand felt in mine, the way he looked at me like he could see through to my soul, the way it feels when he kisses me. It still feels right, almost 25 years later," Abby finished with a content sigh.
"See, Clarke," Octavia piped up. "Soulmate. This mystery woman is your soulmate, and you've been together for at least 13 lifetimes. You're bound to meet again," the feisty brunette finished confidently.
"And if what you write about in some of these dreams is true," Raven adds, her nose still buried in one of Clarke's journals, "then the two of you are going to be so disgustingly cute that it is going to make me want to gag on a regular basis."
At that, the tension broke as everyone laughed. Clarke wiped away the tears on her face that she wasn't even aware of falling and gave her Mom another hug. "What do you think of reincarnation, Mom?"
Abby thought for a moment before speaking and then slowly began as if choosing her words carefully. "I have no concrete evidence that it does or does not exist. As a doctor and a scientist, I have a hard time with it. But as a wife, who believes firmly in my soul mate, I want nothing more than to know that Jake and I can be together again when our time together in this life comes to an end."
Clarke nodded in understanding, and Abby pushed herself off the couch and turned to look at Clarke. She raised the journal in her hand. "Would you mind if I read the rest of these?" she asked.
"No, of course not," Clarke replied. "However, you should know going in that I wrote down everything that happened in those dreams."
"Whoo, did you ever!" Raven exclaimed from the other side of the room, waving her hand in front of her face and looking at Clarke wide-eyed. "Holy crap, Clarke! You go, girl!"
Clarke furiously blushed as Abby raised her eyebrows in amusement and shook her head before clapping Clarke on the shoulder and making her way upstairs. "I'll see you girls in the morning," she called out over her shoulder. "I'm assuming you will be here for breakfast, yes?"
"Can we have waffles?" Octavia yelled after her, pumping her fist when Abby gave them a thumbs up from over her shoulder, without even turning around.
"So, are you two just going to dive into my journals, or can we watch a movie or something?" Clarke asked.
"Can we read these later?" Octavia asked seriously.
"Yeah, sure. Not much point in keeping them to myself anymore," Clarke responded.
"Movie it is then," Raven said as she moved back to the bigger couch that Clarke was sitting on.
"I do have one question, though," Octavia said as she joined them, sitting on the other side of Clarke, the two surrounding their friend with their warmth and support.
Clarke raised her eyebrows, silently encouraging her friend to continue.
"How can you write so much about a woman you never see, or hear?" Octavia asked.
"It's not like I don't 'see' her at all," Clarke thoughtfully said. "It's more like her features are blurred, and her voice is distorted. I can never see or hear anything clearly. But the feelings, those are crystal clear," she softly finished, blushing yet again.
Her friends just looked at her, love and support shining in their eyes, and Clarke leaned her head on Raven's shoulder and grabbed Octavia's hand and whispered. "Thanks, you guys."
"Anytime, Griff, you know that," Raven softly replied, while Octavia gave her hand a squeeze.
The three women argued briefly over what to watch, finally settling on re-watching Serenity. After the movie, they retired, all thinking different thoughts about the potential possibilities coming with the following evening, and Clarke trying not to think about her 'dreams' and the possibility of the mystery woman being her soul mate.
But when in time, I see your face
The scars will fade
The heart will mend
So dry your eyes
And lay me down
I tell you this is not the end…
Oh dry your eyes
And lay me down
I tell you this is not the end.
- Claire Maguire