A/N: There are over 9000 random pop culture references in this chapter, so just in case they are missed, I'll credit them here:
"Misery" by Soul Asylum
"Syndicated Incorporated" by Weird Al Yankovic (mock of "Misery")
"Cooking With Dog" is a channel on YouTube
"Hey Now" by Cyndi Lauper

This chapter potentially deserves an upped rating for the language, especially in the first part. And also maybe because it goes in a bit Monty Python in places…

Chapter 20: Totally Noxious

"They say Mizore loves company. We could start a company and make Mizore."

"I don't think that's what that song was about."

"No?"

"I think it was about all the repeats on TV."

"Really?"

"Yeah. That's why it's called "Syndicated Incorporated"."

"I never knew that."

Yusuke again insisted that it was, nodding sagely as Kuwabara took another drink from the bottle.

"It's strange that Mizore was in that song though," Yusuke said. "Because I've never seen her on TV."

"Me neither," Kuwabara said, passing the bottle to Yusuke. "Maybe she did one of those daytime cooking shows."

"Like "Cooking with Dog"?" Yusuke asked, before taking another drink.

"I've never tried cooking dog before," Kuwabara replied.

"Do you think it matters what sort of dog you use? Like would there be a huge difference in taste between a Poodle and a Great Dane?"

"I burnt a noodle once."

"Just one noodle?"

"No, a whole packet."

"A whole packet of Poodles?"

"You ate a packet of Poodles? Where did you get them from?"

"There's a Chinese food market by our old school that sells dog brain stew."

"Do you think eating brains would make you more clever?"

Kurama stood up abruptly and grabbed the bottle from Kuwabara's hand.

"What are you all vertical for?" Yusuke asked him.

"I think you've had enough," Kurama replied. "All of you."

He nodded towards Hiei, who was lying facedown on Puu's back, combing his fingers through Puu's feathers, his eyes closed and a strangely contented smile on his face.

"You can hold your drink so well, man," Kuwabara said to Kurama. "I'm not drunk, but I can't stand up any more."

"I'm not drunk," Yusuke added. "Who-who said anything about me being drunk?"

"I'm not drunk, but my legs might be a little bit drunk," Kuwabara said.

"Your legs are drunk?" Yusuke asked him.

"Yeah, when I try to stand up, they don't do what I tell them to."

"Wow!"

"Exactly," Kurama said firmly. "So no more for anyone."

He walked to the edge of the roof and began pouring out the bottle over the side of the vehicle. The moon was high in the sky but it was still painfully early in the night, and, with Yusuke, Kuwabara and Hiei having consumed a bottle and a half of grade five poitin between them, it was going to be a very long night.

"Hey Hiei?" Yusuke called out. "Hiei? Hiei!"

Kurama looked back over his shoulder and saw Hiei still sprawled over Puu, not so much as opening his eyes at the sound of his name being yelled at an obnoxious volume. Yusuke started to stand up, but his legs gave way beneath him and he fell forwards in a way that was sure to have broken something. Numbed by the alcohol, he pulled himself up onto all fours and crawled across the roof to Puu's side and began tapping a finger against Hiei's bare shoulder.

"Hey, tiny, are your legs drunk?" he asked. "Because Kuwabara's legs are drunk and I think mine might be too."

"Puu's feathers are the softest substance ever invented in the world of the universe," Hiei replied, smoothing his hands over Puu's back.

Yusuke stroked at the small feathers by Puu's shoulder experimentally before breaking into a lop-sided grin.

"That is the most softest thing ever," he concluded. "But what about your legs? Can you stand up still?"

"I can do anything," Hiei replied. "You all think I'm so weak and pathetic, but you don't know me at all."

"Stand up then," Yusuke said.

Hiei finally opened his eyes and pulled himself over the curve of Puu's back before letting himself slide, face first, down Puu's wing to the tank roof, where he landed with a series of softened thuds. He then attempted to stand, stumbling about awkwardly but eventually managing to hold his position when Puu pushed the top of his head into the small of his back.

"Ta-da!" Hiei said.

"You son of a bitch, Hiei!" Yusuke said. "How do you do that?"

Yusuke grabbed at Hiei's arms and Hiei tried to pull him to his feet, but, just as Kurama had suspected, they both collapsed onto each other. Yusuke pushed Hiei over and grabbed onto Puu's neck, working with the aid of his spirit beast to find his footing. One he was upright – held in place by Puu's beak threaded through the belt-hoops of his pants, he looked down to see Hiei trying to stand again, his feet and hands flat against the metal roof and his rear-end raised up in the air. He seemed to be trying to pushing himself up with his hands, but his feet were stumbling slightly every time he tried to lift his hands from the ground. Taking pity on the little fire demon, Yusuke grabbed clumsily at the fabric of Hiei's pants by his hips and pulled him back.

Hiei yelped, stumbling back until his hips collided with Yusuke thighs. He straightened up, swaying slightly but managing to stay upright as Yusuke held onto him tightly. Yusuke's face slowly changed and his hands gripped tighter at Hiei's hips, his fingers pushing more firmly into the folds of his pants, probing at his form beneath them. After a few moments of awkward fumbling he pushed Hiei forwards again, holding him at arms' length and peering down as he bunched up the material of Hiei's pants, stretching them tight over Hiei's backside.

"You've got a really nice ass, Hiei," he concluded.

"What?" Hiei echoed.

"I thought your ass would be small and hard, but it's really great," Yusuke continued. "And I've groped a lot of asses, so I'm like the ass master."

"Did you just call yourself an ass master, Urameshi?" Kuwabara called over to them.

"Hiei's got a great ass Kuwabara, you should come over here and take a look at this," Yusuke called back.

Kurama groaned, throwing the empty bottle over the other side of the rocks beside their vehicle.

"It looks really soft and round," Yusuke told Hiei.

"Are you telling me I look fat?" Hiei asked.

"No, it's just perfect," Yusuke assured him. "It's just got enough padding for a pounding, you know what I mean?"

"…No…?"

"Like if someone was to do you from behind, it would be nice and cushioned down there."

"Do what?"

"I would do you from behind Hiei. You know, if you were a girl. Your ass is that great. You could probably strip with an ass like that."

"…What…?"

"Hey-hey Kurama!"

Kurama winced as Yusuke turned his head in his direction.

"Would you-would you do Hiei from behind?"

Kurama's face dropped.

"Oh no, wait!" Yusuke said, looking suddenly and worryingly thoughtful. "You probably do all your girlfriends from behind, right? Because you're a fox. So you probably always do it like a dog, right?"

"Foxes and dogs are different types of animal," Hiei said. "I learned that when I left the ice village."

"They're both hairy with four legs and a tail," Yusuke replied.

"Cats are hairy with four legs and a tail," Kuwabara said.

"We're not talking about cats, dufus!" Yusuke moaned. "Damn it, Kuwabara! Why does everything have to be about cats with you?"

"You just said hairy with four legs and a tail," Kuwabara defended himself.

"Many things are hairy with four legs and a tail," Hiei pointed out.

"Kuwabara likes cats!" Yusuke snorted.

"I know," Hiei agreed.

"It's funny because cat is another word for vagina!" Yusuke said.

"Okay, I think you three should call it a night," Kurama interrupted.

"Okay," Yusuke said. "But "night" is the weirdest name I've ever heard for vagina. But whatever."

"What happened to the poison?" Kuwabara asked.

"It's poitin, and I took it away," Kurama replied. "For your own good, because for what it's doing to you, it might as well be poison."

"You should lighten up and join us, fox boy," Yusuke said.

"No thank you," Kurama said. "One of us has to be able to stay up."

"Are you saying I can't keep it up?" Yusuke asked. "Because you should ask Keiko: I'm definitely a stayer."

"That's not what I meant and you know it. I'm not sure it is any warmer out here than it is inside the vehicle, but I suggest you expend what little energy you have left finding a warm place to rest your head for the night."

"I can think of a really warm place I'd like to rest my head tonight."

"Yusuke, please."

"That's what she said."

"You're a damn pervert, Yusuke."

Yusuke's eyes grew wide as though he was shocked by Kurama's accusation.

"You are," Kurama insisted. "Your thought processes default to filth at every chance. I bet if I cut your head open, it would be full of hairy triangles."

Yusuke collapsed against Puu's wing with laughter and Kuwabara began laughing too.

"I don't get it," Hiei muttered.

"You're a filthy bastard Yusuke," Kurama said, shaking his head. "You shouldn't wonder why Keiko is so often disgusted by you."

"Keiko loves me!" Yusuke argued, becoming suddenly serious.

"Right now, nobody loves you," Kurama replied. "And tomorrow morning, when you've got the hangover from hell, nobody will want to go anywhere near you."

"Hey do you think maybe some of those girls would want to join the party?" Yusuke asked, looking around the others.

"What party?" Hiei asked.

"There's a party?" Kuwabara asked.

"Nobody's having a party," Kurama said.

"I'm having a party," Yusuke said, releasing Hiei, who fell to the ground without Yusuke's help to remain upright. "And I was thinking about inviting some of those girls – you know, just the young hot ones, not any of the kids or the old ones. It's a pants party."

"Go to bed Yusuke," Kurama flatly answered him.

"There's probably not enough beds to go around," Yusuke began. "And maybe one of those girls–"

"Hey!" Hiei cut him off, waving a hand at him from his position on the ground. "You can't do that!"

"I'm not talking about banging one of your cousins," Yusuke assured him. "Just… Tell me which ones are related to you, and I won't touch them."

"No, not that," Hiei said, shaking his head. "What about Keiko?"

"That's not cool, Urameshi," Kuwabara added. "You should honour your commitment to Keiko."

"She's not my wife!" Yusuke protested.

"It's still cheating," Kuwabara argued.

"Only if one of you douchebags tells her! What she doesn't know won't ever bother anything."

Kurama moved over to Hiei's side, taking hold of his shoulders and sitting him back onto his heels.

"I'm taking you to bed," he told him.

Hiei turned to look at him with large eyes, as though he was shocked by the very idea.

"I'm only taking pity on you because you're sick and I appreciate that, after what you've been through today, you have a reasonable excuse for behaving the way you have done tonight," Kurama explained. "Yusuke, Kuwabara, you two are on your own. At least Puu is still alert enough to watch guard for us."

"You're going home already?" Yusuke asked Kurama as he stood up, hoisting Hiei up to his feet in front of him. "But the party's not over yet!"

"Try to get some sleep," Kurama advised him. "And perhaps have a glass of water and a snack before you do – preferably something salty, to stave off the inevitable dehydration you'll suffer in the morning. I think I saw some salted nuts in the supplies closet."

"Do you think those girls would like a taste of my salted nuts?"

"Yusuke, please don't even joke about that."

"You shouldn't give salt to ice maidens," Kuwabara said.

"Why not?" Yusuke asked.

"Well, salt melts ice doesn't it?"

"Let's go," Kurama said to Hiei.

"Where are we going?" Hiei asked as Kurama pushed him towards the open roof hatch.

"To bed," Kurama answered.

"Hey, go easy on the little guy, Kurama!" Yusuke called after them. "It's probably his first time!"

Kuwabara started laughing and Yusuke collapsed into Puu's shoulder.

"It's not my first time," Hiei told Kurama quietly as Kurama began climbing down into the body of the tank ahead of him. "I've been to bed many times before. In fact, I've done it at least once every day of my life."

"Did Hiei just say he does it at least once every day?" Yusuke asked Kuwabara.

"I can't believe Hiei found a girl who would let him do that to her everyday," Kuwabara replied.

"It's probably real easy for Hiei to do it every day," Yusuke continued. "Because he has super-speed, right? It probably only takes him like thirty seconds to do a chick."

"Yeah, that's like twice as long as it takes me," Kuwabara said.

"Yeah, I know, he's – wait, what?"

Once he was halfway down the ladder, Kurama reached up and pulled Hiei down after him, forcing him to climb down the ladder himself. Yusuke and Kuwabara continued an increasingly nonsensical conversation on the roof as Kurama and Hiei climbed back inside the vehicle, but their words were becoming mercifully incoherent with increased distance. Kurama stepped off the ladder and did a quick survey of the upper deck: it was relatively warm there compared to the rest of the vehicle, but there were only two bedrooms there. He had thought that the four of them would take shifts watching guard and sleeping, but that plan had been ruined beyond salvation, and he could not go an entire night without sleep if he was to make the drive back to Arbeinia the following morning, so Kurama was hoping that Puu would take over guard duty for him. When he turned back to the ladder he found Hiei near the end of it, one hand clutching a rung, the other arm wrapped around the ladder, one foot firmly on a rung and the other hanging loosely off to one side of the ladder. And, quite worryingly, his eyes were closed and it looked as though he had fallen asleep.

Kurama carefully pried Hiei from the ladder and eased him over his shoulder, moving to the nearest of the two bedrooms. It happened to be the room the closet full of alcohol resided in, but Hiei seemed to be too incapacitated to try to drink any more, so Kurama intended to leave him there. There were two single beds in the other bedroom, and Kurama intended to take one of them for himself as soon as possible, and leave Yusuke and Kuwabara to their own devices. It was likely that they would remain on the roof the whole night through, and, as long as Puu stayed with them, they were as well off there as they were anywhere else. They had most of the blankets from the supplies closet with them, which was more than enough to keep them warm.

Kurama pulled back the covers and carefully placed Hiei down on the bed. He looked ridiculously tiny lying in an enormous bed that looked as though it had been designed for Enki to share with a partner at least as big as he was. It was probably just as well, Kurama thought, since Hiei was unlikely to roll off of such a big bed and give himself a concussion. With that thought in mind, Kurama pulled the sheets further down and began pushing Hiei towards the middle of the bed: but his actions awoke Hiei from his brief spell of unconsciousness.

"Mother?" he said, squinting curiously at Kurama.

"I know it's dark in here Hiei, but even that's no excuse for calling me your mother," Kurama answered him.

"Where am I?" Hiei asked, looking about the room almost fearfully.

"I've taken you to a bedroom to get some rest," Kurama replied. "You're going to need it. Now wait here, don't move, I'm going to get you a flask of water. And maybe some aspirin for the morning, if I can find any…"

"Are you leaving me here alone?" Hiei called after him as he started towards the door.

"Yes, but I'm coming back," Kurama answered without looking back or slowing down.

"Do you promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

Once he was out of the room, Kurama shook his head in despair. He quickly moved down to the main deck to collect two flasks from the supplies closet, silently noting just how cold it was down there – though it was probably only to be expected, since the entire population of the ice village were residing there. He moved on to the water tank and began opening one of the flasks to fill it, drawing in a deep breath on instinct before he could restrain himself, involuntarily breathing in the near intoxicating scent of the ice village flowers. It was especially strong by the water tank, which was located just before the frozen over door that led into the accommodation compartment the ice maidens were all hiding in. One more deep breath left Kurama feeling light-headed, his hands grabbing at the struts of the water tank to steady himself on his feet.

For a brief moment, as he tried to hold his breath and regain his focus, he found his mind trying to actually picture what fifty-six ice maidens would look like. It was just a number before, but suddenly he wanted to see that number interpreted into reality. Five of them were elders and eleven were minors, but the remaining forty were adults, and even forty was a difficult number to picture accurately. Kurama ran his eyes around the smoking ice sealing the door shut, silently noting that, although the seal was complete, it was not terribly thick or complex. It could probably be quite easily overcome with the application of boiling water or a handful of salt.

Kurama shook his head, trying to literally shake the thoughts from his mind, and turned his attention back to the water tank. He positioned a flask beneath the tap and pulled the lever to fill it; but nothing happened. Kurama tried pulling the lever all the way down, but still nothing happened. Kuwabara had claimed that the tank was at least three quarters full, but the tap was dry. Kurama tapped a finger against the middle of the tank, the sound it made telling him there was definitely something inside. He took hold of the tap, and, as another deep breath of the scented air around him sent a rush of adrenaline through him, he unintentionally tore the whole dispensing valve unit from the tank, leaving a gaping hole he could comfortably fit his head through. On instinct he leapt back a step, expecting the water to come rushing out of the jagged opening. When none did, he looked down at the warped metal wreck in his hand, studying it from all angles before crouching down to bring his eyes level with the breakage.

At first, Kurama thought that the shiny, transparent and solid object inside the body of the tank was a glass lining, and only when he cautiously poked a finger at it did he realise otherwise: perhaps unsurprisingly, the entire tank of water was frozen solid.

Kurama growled and stood up again, silently thinking about how frankly anti-social the ice maidens were – even without trying or probably without even knowing, they were being rude and unhelpful. He wondered if he ought to just chip loose some of the ice and take it upstairs to warm it, since Hiei, Yusuke and Kuwabara would all be in desperate need of fresh drinking water by the morning, but before he could formulate a plan for the best way to do just that, he heard something from beyond the frozen door that made him drop the flasks he had been carrying. Despite them clattering very loudly against the metallic flooring, the noises beyond the door did not stop – apparently the pair making the noises were too lost in what they were doing to have heard the disturbance outside.

Kurama reached a hand out towards the door, tracing the ice along the top of the doorframe with his fingertips. It melted readily under his touch, proving that the seal was as flimsy as it looked. As his fingers reached the edge he clawed into the ice, which shattered in his grip, falling in a shower of crystals that hit the floor almost melodically. He pulled back his hand, frowning curiously at the distinct gouge marks his fingers had made, before slowly turning his hand over and lowering his eyes to study his fingers. In the instant that Kurama realised he was bearing a distinct set of claws, he heard another delicious moan from the other side of the door and felt a distinct spike of energy in his chest.

It was ironic, he thought, that in his one moment of weakness, in the one moment when he would have liked any – or even all – of the others to intervene, he was completely alone and with only his own will to stop himself from following through with the dark thoughts blossoming in his mind.

"Typical," Mukuro said, throwing aside the data-slate she had just read.

"I suppose that's one of the disadvantages of stationing your headquarters so far away from any of the major hubs in demon world," Kirin muttered as he caught the data-slate awkwardly before it hit the ground.

"Today isn't a good day to be a snippy bitch," Mukuro warned him. "I've got a basement full of sick bodies, my so-called solution just disappeared in the worst example of counter-productive rebellion I've ever heard of, and meanwhile I'm left living in quarantine in case I contract the virus myself! This damn courtyard is the only place I'm safe outdoors, I feel like a prisoner in my own fortress – does that sound fair to you, Kirin?"

"Uh, no Sir, that doesn't sound very fair," Kirin agreed. "But since the ice maidens are no longer being sent out to help us, surely Enki will have a back-up plan."

"Back-up plan?"

"Well look at the ice maidens: who would have thought that a clan of emotionally retarded and physically incompetent girls living on a rock in the sky could have helped us? Maybe some other wacky solution will just fall out of the sky."

Mukuro turned around to face Kirin, giving him a glare that she hoped could make even a warrior of his calibre quiver in his boots.

"Stranger things have happened," he added.

"Well let's just see about that, shall we?" she said sarcastically. "I'm waiting!"

She looked up at the sky, holding out her arms expectantly. It was dark outside, the midnight sky clouded over, making it darker still, and so at first, Mukuro thought she was imaging the screaming, tangled mess of colour falling towards her. Some had reported hallucinations as being one of the first signs of having contracted the virus that was causing her so many headaches lately, and she started to think that she was going to have to lose her life to something pitiful: but, as a weight caught in her arms, she was reassured that she had not been imagining it.

A blue-haired ferry girl from spirit world had just fallen from the sky.

"Told you," Kirin said as she glanced in his direction.

Kurama held his head under the water for as long as he comfortably could before rising up again breathless. The water in the bathrooms – which was not of drinking quality – had thankfully not been frozen over, but, without the power systems working and with the ice maidens keeping the entire interior of the vehicle frosty, the water had dropped to a bitterly cold temperature that would, ordinarily, be unbearable. Kurama dragged his hands down his face to wipe away the excess water before inspecting his reflection in the mirror ahead of him. He fumbled for the flashlight and turned it on his face, illuminating it to allow him to better see it in the dark of the unlit bathroom.

What he saw was a mild improvement of how he had looked when he had first charged into the bathroom, but he still looked fearsomely inhuman. His red hair was streaked with silver and his green eyes were flecked with gold, and his fingers were still ended with claws that were almost as hard as bone and lethally sharp. He had managed to stop himself from reverting back to his full demon form completely, but he was unable to bring himself back into his human form either. As he watched his own desperate and deranged eyes staring back out of the mirror at him, Kurama felt a sickening wave of regret pass over him as he thought about all the times he had experimented with the Fruit of Previous Life, testing it out several times after the Dark Tournament to confirm his theory that each time he used it, he was able to access more of his full demon power and abilities whilst remaining in his human body. Had all those experiments left him susceptible to transforming into Yoko on instinct every time he encountered a situation his demon form was better suited to take control of?

He put down the flashlight, turning it away from himself completely to avoid having to see the evidence of what he could feel was still happening. One part of his mind was trying to plan the quickest and easiest way to escape the vehicle entirely in the hope of breaking the spell the scent of the ice village flowers had caught him in, whilst another part of his mind was trying to plan the quickest and easiest way to break off the ice seal and enter the sleeping quarters the ice maidens were all hiding in, his mind again trying to visualise forty consenting adult females, doe-eyed and fair, their features an exotic blend of fear, curiosity and just the mildest hint of excitement.

Kurama pushed his head into the sink of cold water again, again holding himself there until he could no longer breathe.

When he lifted his head again, breathless and shivering, he distinctly heard someone approaching from outside the bathroom, and an experimental sniff at the air told him the scent of flowers was getting stronger, indicating that the person approaching was an ice maiden. In an instant the conflict in his mind vanished. He grabbed up the flashlight, catching a brief glimpse of himself that confirmed to him that he had transformed completely, the sound of his tail brushing against the edge of the sink providing further proof still, and he yanked out the door, pouncing out into the hallway towards the shadow moving there. By luck, he shone his flashlight onto the stunted figure in front of him before he attempted to grab onto it.

"What are you looking at? Are you a fox?"

The circle of light the flashlight was creating began to quiver as Kurama started to become conflicted again, his sense that he needed to get away suddenly returning, and quickly surpassing his desire to storm the ice maidens' hiding place.

"Why are you naked?" he asked, the sound of his own voice telling him that he was still in his full demon form, despite having managed to gain complete control over his darker desires.

"Do you want to do something about it?" the figure in front of him asked.

Kurama shook his head, despite the fact that he was standing behind the light source and his gesture was probably not visible.

"I hear your kind like to chase after us ice maidens. I thought you might want to start something. That's why you're here, isn't it? The smell drew you to us. Just like that other one, the one who ambushed a group of ice maidens during their last trip to Arbeinia. He was unsteady and unstable too. Not as silver as you and not quite so refined, but a fox nonetheless."

"Why are you naked?" Kurama asked again.

"Control yourself, fox. If you try to touch me, I'll make you regret it."

Kurama slowly ran his eyes over the creature before him. By her slightly erratic hairstyle alone, it was obvious that she was the same deranged elder they had rescued from Illyria, the one Hiei had called "grandma" – and Kurama had to wonder just how old Tsubara was if she was the mother of the woman he was now looking at, since, without her perfectly tailored clothing to hide the multitude of sins of her true physical form, she looked as though she had already died, a long time ago, and her body had been preserved through mummification.

"You may never know how grateful I am for your incredibly timely intervention," Kurama said carefully. "Though I am still wondering why you would be walking around naked…"

"I came to use the shower," the old ice maiden replied.

"The water is terribly cold, and the heater is not functioning," he told her.

"We don't like hot water," she replied.

She took a step forwards and Kurama leapt back several feet in one bound, landing in a defensive stance. He had not really expected her to attack, but he was a little concerned that she might try to touch him with other, more sickening, intentions, and he was not willing to give her any opportunity to do so.

"You're a strange one," she said. "Almost as strange as the girl travelling with those boys."

Kurama relaxed a little then, a small, mildly amused smile playing on his lips.

"You mean Miss Kurama?" he asked.

"No, not her," the ice maiden replied. "The other one. Hina's child."

Kurama's smile vanished and his hand holding the flashlight lowered. The ice maiden continued into the bathroom and he turned from her, starting back through the body of the vehicle. Only as he reached halfway up the ladder to the upper deck did he finally remember who Hina was: that was the name of Hiei's mother.

Kurama paused. That was strange. The old ice maiden thought Hiei was a girl too? Apparently she really was insane.

Back in Enki's bedroom, Kurama found Hiei sitting by one side of the bed, his legs crossed in front of him and his arms huddled around his body.

"Are you starting to feel the cold?" Kurama asked.

Hiei's head jerked up and his eyes locked onto Kurama, his expression strangely haunted.

"I was sick," he said.

"Oh, I see," Kurama said, moving over and sitting down on the side edge of the bed.

"You're a fox," Hiei said, watching Kurama from the corner of his eye.

"Yes, I think that… Moving into this troubled part of demon world has awoken my demon spirit," Kurama carefully replied.

"They wouldn't let me go back there."

"What?"

"The ice maidens. They wouldn't let me go back there."

"To the ice village? No, they don't seem to want you there."

"I don't care about that. They wouldn't let me go back there, into the back of this vehicle, where the others are hiding."

"Oh, I see. Did you want to go back there? Most of them don't seem to be too pleased about your proximity when you're in the cabin, I don't imagine they would be too pleased to have you walking amongst them as they sleep."

"I wanted to see Rui."

"Rui, yes. Isn't she the woman who cast you out of the village in the first place?"

"She was trying to help me. I couldn't have left the village if it wasn't for her."

Kurama's face twisted as he silently repeated Hiei's last words inside his head: Hiei was thankful that he had been cast out of the ice village? That was not a sentiment he had ever expressed before. Although he claimed to hate the place and feel no connection to it, Kurama had never heard Hiei outright admit that he thought it was for the best that he had not been raised there – and he had always assumed that Hiei had never vocalised that sentiment because he had never felt it.

"She helped me get out," Hiei continued. "And she helped me get back in. Only it wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough, not any more. Tsubara said she could still smell the stench of men and humans on me, she said I had been tainted, she said I could never integrate back into her community."

"You met the chief elder of the ice village when you returned there?" Kurama asked. "You never mentioned that before. I thought you just met with Rui and visited your mother's grave."

"She said I could only stay there if I passed the purity test," Hiei carried on, as though he had not even heard Kurama's question. "I didn't know what it was. I'd never seen anyone else take it. I thought it would be something simple. I just wanted to go home. After my ordeal in living world, I realised that I needed to go back to the ice village. It was where I belonged, and I thought it was the only place I would ever feel safe and welcome. I thought I would pass the test. I thought it would be questions, or community service. I didn't know it was just a spectacle the elders would create in order to terrify the residents of the village further and to press home to them that they could never leave or ever have any independent thought."

"I'm surprised you wanted to take any such test. I didn't think you'd ever wanted to live there. Well, not outwardly, at least."

"I just wanted to go home. I just wanted to feel safe."

"Isn't that why you learned how to fight and trained very hard?"

"Yes, that is why I learned how to fight. I realise now that I have to be strong for myself. But back then, I just wanted to go home, and so I took the test."

Kurama slid his legs up onto the bed, shuffling over to sit directly in front of Hiei.

"What did you have to do?" he asked.

He was unsure if Hiei would answer him or not, but the distant, hollow look in Hiei's eyes at least told him he was not about to be blasted across the room for asking.

"She put a stool in the centre of the village," Hiei said, his voice quieter, though still a little raspy from the effects of drinking the poitin. "She told me to stand on it. It didn't seem like a difficult test. All I had to do was stand there. Nobody hit me, nobody shouted at me. I just stood there."

"I'm not sure I understand," Kurama said. "There was surely some purpose in having you stand there?"

"I was standing there so that everyone in the village could see me," Hiei replied. "Tsubara told them all to watch me. She said if they watched long enough, they'd see how dirty I had become. I didn't know what she meant. She left me there. Everybody watched me, but nobody came near me. Nobody tried to come close. Nobody spoke to me. Nobody brought me food. I couldn't sleep because I had to keep standing."

"You were there for some time?"

"Two days and one night. I didn't move because I thought I was proving to them that I was good enough to live with them again, like I was always meant to. I don't know what Tsubara really expected her test to do, but everyone in the village did start to see me become dirty. I wasn't allowed to leave to use a bathroom and I… And everyone could see the mess… My legs hurt from standing still so long, but I thought I was doing good. Then Rui came to me on the second night and she told me truth. She told me they had done the same thing to my mother after she gave birth to an emiko. They made her stand there like that. She stood there until she died."

"I didn't know that."

"They would have left me there until I died too. They wanted the others in the village to see me die slowly and disgracefully so that none of them would ever dare try to leave or to interact with men. I would have let it happen. I only escaped because of Rui. I just wanted to see her, and they won't let me see her!"

Hiei grabbed up an empty poitin bottle and threw it at the far wall, where it smashed on impact.

"This is why I tried to warn you against defending the ice maidens during this crisis," Kurama pointed out. "I knew something like this would happen. I knew you would be disappointed with what you saw, just as how you were disappointed when you returned to the ice village and saw your people for what they really are: hollow and heartless."

"I don't care that they did it to me," Hiei said, grabbing up another empty poitin bottle. "But they killed my mother that way, and she hadn't even done anything wrong!"

Hiei hurled the bottle at the wall, and it smashed not far from where the previous one had, glass shards tinkling against the floor.

"I'm breaking things, Kurama!" he shouted, turning to look directly at Kurama.

"You always break things when you're frustrated," Kurama reminded him.

"I do?"

Kurama frowned at Hiei's question, watching curiously as the little fire demon pulled every object from the nightstand and threw them each at the wall, one after the other. Once he had finished he stared at the impact marks left behind, his face twitching.

"Do you feel better now?" Kurama asked him.

"No, I feel awful!" he wailed.

"Do you want to be sick?"

"No!"

Hiei awkwardly got to his knees and scrambled to the end of the bed, peering over it at the shattered mess he had created on the floor there. Kurama crawled over to join him, looking down at the array of broken items, which included empty poitin bottles, a clock and an ornamental dish.

"Can you fix them?" Hiei asked.

"No. Did you want me to?" Kurama asked, frowning at Hiei from the corner of his eye.

"Can't you do something foxy to fix them?"

"…Like what?"

"Some glue and sticky tape?"

Kurama turned his head fully towards Hiei.

"I think you might be starting to sober up," he said. "Or maybe sleep depravation is combining with intoxication to make you like this. Either way, I believe now would be a good time for you to go to sleep."

"Why did I break those things?" Hiei asked miserably.

"Because it made you feel better?"

"But I don't feel any better! In fact, I feel worse!"

Kurama slowly straightened up, sitting onto his heels and looking down at Hiei. Something was wrong with Hiei lately – something other than just the virus, the poitin and his confusion over the situation with the ice maidens.

"Hiei?" Kurama began, touching a hand to Hiei's shoulder. "Where were you before the morning you joined us at Genkai's temple at the start of this mission?"

"In a healing tank at Mukuro's home," Hiei replied, still leaning peering down at the broken mess he had created. "You came to see me there."

"Yes that's right, I did," Kurama confirmed. "When I spoke to Mukuro she said you were quite weakened, and that remaining in the tank was the only thing sustaining your life. Her medical staff had calculated that just one more day outside of the tank would be enough to kill you. You've had no cure, but you've continued to function – albeit in a grossly reduced capacity – as if your condition is not deteriorating. I don't understand why you haven't collapsed or improved."

Hiei started to sit up, but before Kurama could catch a glimpse of his face, his ears twitched at the sound of something clanging off one side of the vehicle.

"What was that?" Hiei asked, leaping to his feet on top of the bed. "Are we under attack?"

"It sounded like someone threw a rock at the back of the vehicle," Kurama replied.

Hiei swayed and stumbled slightly before falling awkwardly onto Kurama, who leaned back, catching his friend in his arms. He held Hiei in place as another sound reached his ears and he began to smile.

"Is that-is that Yusuke and Kazuma?" Hiei asked.

"Yes, I think they've gone down to the… What did you just say?" Kurama said.

"Are they singing?"

Kurama nodded slowly.

"I don't think that's the right song to sing," Hiei said quietly.

"Hey now, what's the matter with you, girls just want to have fun?" Kurama muttered.

"But the girls from the ice village abhor fun," Hiei added.

"And you abhor atonal repetition…"

"Fun is too exciting, and excitement can lead to other emotions, and that's not allowed."

"Right, yes, well since you raised that point Hiei, I have to know, why are you… Why are you touching my hair?"

"Because I've always wanted to."

Kurama froze, his breath stilled in his lungs, his eyes staring at the wall unblinking and the only sensation his otherwise numbed form could feel was the slight tickle of the hairs behind one ear moving in rhythm with Hiei's fingers playing through the ends. A deeply disconcerting thought shot to the forefront of his mind, and, as it flooded his conscious, he began replaying memories that only seemed to confirm the conclusion a part of his subconscious had come to a step ahead of his brain.

"I think I understand now," he said quietly.

He felt Hiei release his hair and rest his head against his chest.

"I don't know why I didn't see it before," Kurama continued. "Maybe I didn't want to, or couldn't bring myself to accept it, and so I simply dismissed it as lunacy. I can't believe I've been so blind… Botan is clearly attracted to you, but, rather than take advantage of it or express disgust, you simply dismiss it. Yet when I express an interest in her, you become defensive and agitated. It doesn't make any sense that you would be angered if I were to pursue her when clearly you have no interest in her yourself – which, quite clearly, you don't – which means there's only one other possible explanation for your clearly conflicted emotions… You're not angry about my interest in Botan because you want Botan, you're angry because you want me."

Kurama slowly lowered his eyes to look down at the top of Hiei's head, which was still titled downwards and pressed into his chest.

"Am I right?" he asked quietly.

Next Chapter: The morning after the night before: Botan wakes up in a very strange place, Koenma makes a few discoveries at Genkai's temple that cause him great concern and the boys wake up and have to face the consequences of the night before. Chapter 21 – Trespassing Nuisance