'You are dead, Potter.'

Harry felt a sort of savage satisfaction at the look of anger on Malfoy's face. The blonde had been one of the many things making life difficult for him the past year.

'Am I?!' He made a show of checking himself over. 'No, I don't think so. You might want to get your eyes checked, Malfoy.'

'You think you're so funny, don't you?' Malfoy said, narrowing his eyes and taking a few steps towards Harry and away from Crabbe and Goyle.

Harry pretended to think this through as he palmed his wand, keeping it hidden within the folds of his school robes. 'You know what, Malfoy, I must say I do. I think that surviving another Killing Curse cast by Voldemort must have done something wonderful to my sense of humour!'

A smirk came on his face seeing the other boys flinch at the use of the dreaded name.

'We will make you pay for what you did to my father, Potter!' Malfoy spat. 'You can't land him in prison. The –'

'Yes, because your dad's boss was just a warm up act compared to you three,' Harry said dryly.

'Stop interrupting me!' Malfoy snarled. 'The dementors have left Azkaban, my father will be out soon –'

'Actually, I doubt that.' Harry said, speaking over Draco again. 'See, even if he did want to leave the prison, he would actually be safer in Azkaban. If I were him, I would not leave that place.'

'Why, you think he should be afraid of you, Potter?' Malfoy said with a derisive sneer.

'Me? Merlin, no!' Harry replied breezily. 'No, he should be afraid of Voldemort. Especially once he finds out how badly your daddy screwed things up in our second year…'

Draco flinched again, possibly at the use of the name. This time Harry could see some doubt in the other teen's eyes. 'I have no idea what –'

'Well, then get an idea,' Harry retorted. 'Your life, and the life of your mum might just depend on what I just told you.' By now he had managed to circle the three Slytherins so that he was now on the steps that lead up. He could see that the other three had just realised what he had done.

'Potter!'

A rush of hatred came across Harry as he saw the loathsome form of the Potions teacher. 'What do you think you're doing here?' Snape asked, cold as ever.

'Dispensing free advice.' Harry said curtly. 'Now, if you'll excuse me,' he turned to head inwards.

'Just where do you think you're going, Potter?' Snape's voice rang out. 'I am not done with you yet.'

Harry turned around. 'Too bad,' he found himself saying. 'Because I am.' Curling his lip, he added a 'Sir,' with as much loathing and contempt he could manage. Turning his gaze to Malfoy who was still standing there, frozen, Harry said, 'Think carefully about what I said, Malfoy.'

Then he whirled around and headed towards his dorm, not sparing the shocked professor a second glance.

Harry paused at the entrance of the Hospital Wing in surprise. From the looks of things, Hermione and Luna were in a very heated argument.

'What's going on?' he said, walking in. Now that he thought about it, it was inevitable that they would end up arguing.

'Hey, Harry,' Neville said, sounding bemused. 'Luna and Hermione were arguing about you.'

'What about me?'

'Well, Luna is of the opinion that Dumbledore is some master manipulator whose sole desire in life has been to control every aspect of yours.'

'Of course!' Luna declared to Hermione. 'It makes sense. Why else would the headmaster send Harry to live with Muggle relatives who, as you told me earlier, hate magic and him? He wants to mould Harry into the perfect pawn who will see him as some god-figure and only listen to everything he says.'

Harry decided to intervene before Hermione had an aneurysm. 'That makes no sense,' he said loudly. 'A lot of things could go wrong with that plan. For one, he cannot really predict how my relatives would have treated me. Then there is no guarantee that I would have turned out the way I did thanks to their treatment of me. He didn't really keep much of a tab on me till I had to start school here. Even if he had, there is still no guarantee I would have responded predictably at all. And I am pretty certain that he has made mistakes. He admitted to a few other mistakes himself. So I really don't see him anything close to a "god-figure", as you put it, at all.'

'Exactly what I was saying!' Hermione said with vindication.

'Also,' Harry said as another thought occurred to him. 'If he really wanted me to be the way you say he wanted me to be, then wouldn't it be more sensible for him to just place me with people who are utterly loyal to him? Failing that, why not just raise me himself? I'd be growing up listening to how brilliant Professor Dumbledore is. By the time I start my first year, I'd be just as bad as Hagrid is right now.'

'Excellent point, Harry!' Hermione said approvingly. 'I wish I had thought of that…'

'Well, I suppose you have a point,' Luna finally said grudgingly. 'Well, there goes that idea for an article at the Quibbler.'

Hermione took a deep calming breath and sank back on her bed muttering to herself.

'So,' Ron said. 'What have you been up to, Harry? Hermione and I woke up yesterday, by the way, thanks for asking. Where were you anyway?'

Harry grimaced. 'Sorry I wasn't there, mate. And a lot has happened.' He exhaled. 'I don't even know where to begin.'

'Well, that Killing Curse you were hit by in the Ministry would be a great place to start!' Neville interjected helpfully.

Harry slowly put a palm to his face as Ron and Hermione digested this information. 'Killing Curse?!' Hermione said in alarm. 'You were hit by a Killing Curse!'

'Not so loud!' Harry hissed, frantically looking around. He did not know what Madam Pomfrey would do to him if she heard this.

Neville, however, wasn't done being the helpful bringer of news. 'And You-Know-Who was the one casting it too!' He said in a tone that Harry thought was a bit too cheerful.

'Why? Just … why?!' Harry asked Neville plaintively. He turned back to his gaping friends. 'Look, it's no big deal. Please don't panic. I don't want Pomfrey on my case. Especially right now.'

'No big deal?!' Ginny piped up incredulously. 'You got hit by a Killing Curse! Again! It is a pretty big deal! Oh, and to top all this off, we don't see hide nor hair of you since Neville, Luna and I woke up! You can't just waltz in here and say it's not a big deal. Do you have any idea how worried we all were?'

There was a tense silence. 'That was a lot like mum,' Ron said in an awed voice, causing Ginny to blush.

'Well,' she said in stilted tones. 'He deserved it.'

'I get that you have all been worried,' Harry said slowly. 'But I had good reason for disappearing. See, I have had quite a tonne of information dumped upon me in the past day. And trust me, this makes dying and coming back to life pale in comparison.'

He knew he said the wrong thing when his friends all gaped.

'Let's shelve that aside for now,' he said hastily, before Hermione could open her mouth. Quickly, and in hushed tones, he summarized what he had learnt in the past day.

'So you have a younger version of yourself running around?' Hermione said incredulously. She exhaled noisily. 'Wow … I just … how are you feeling? This must have been quite a shock.'

'I'm taking it as it goes.' Harry said after giving it some thought. 'It's just … bizarre to say the least. I do feel violated though. I had no idea that they had made another copy of me! The whole thing just feels so wrong. And judging by the way that kid has been acting, I can't imagine what they must have done to him. I really dread finding that out.'

'Where is this … copy of you?' Ron asked, sitting up and looking around as if Harry was hiding the child on his person.

'He's at headquarters for the moment,' Harry said. 'Your mum is taking care of him till I get back.' He didn't want to mention the amount of drama his leaving the child behind had caused.

'Why would you have to "get back"?' Hermione asked in a tone that Harry thought was a bit unfairly suspicious.

'Um … that would be because I am going to be sort of taking care of him?' Harry said hesitatingly. He had a feeling that she wasn't going to be taking that well.

He wasn't wrong.

'I am sorry what?' Hermione asked in disbelief. 'Did I hear that right?'

'If you mean did you hear from Harry that he is planning on playing house with a three-year-old then yeah, you heard that right,' Ginny said blandly. 'Harry, this is an idiotic idea.'

'Your mother said something like that,' Harry replied brightly.

'Well, fancy that,' Ginny said sarcastically.

'Mate, you have to admit that it is a bit crazy,' Ron said slowly. 'Surely there is another option.'

'I never thought the day would come where I actually find myself agreeing with Ron here for once,' Hermione said. 'What does Dumbledore have to say to all of this?'

'He agreed. I managed to convince him.'

Hermione was speechless.

'Look,' Harry said. 'Security-wise, it works out because there is this charm that Dumbledore used based off my mum's sacrifice that protects me at Privet Drive till I am seventeen. He can now use this charm with me and mini-me only this time it will be around till mini-me turns seventeen. See? Also, it helps a lot that the kid has become rather attached to me. I am the only one who he will talk to, look at in the eye, and will allow to be touched by. I know that he will be unhappy with anyone else. Besides, this way, not only will I ensure his happiness, but mine as well.'

Hermione took some time to digest this. 'I don't get that last bit.' She finally said.

'Well, I will no longer have to go to the Dursleys, and I get emancipation.' Harry said matter-of-factly. 'I'd say that's cause for happiness.'

'You're going to be able to do magic outside school a whole year early?' Ron asked. 'Well, I guess there is some bright side to this.'

Hermione gave her bedridden oldest friend an exasperated look before giving the sitting oldest friend a long searching look. 'Fine, I suppose,' she finally said. 'I still think it's not that great an idea and that Dumbledore and the Order seem to have all gone dotty to go along with this, but since resistance is futile, why not get on this crazy train.' She closed her eyes and pinched her nose. 'Hopefully I will be able to steer you from a nasty wreckage.' She shifted in her bed to make herself more comfortable and winced when her wound got aggravated. 'So, I remember some books on parenting that my parents had in their house. You might find those useful. Should I send them over?'

'Thanks for the offer, but I'm good,' Harry replied. 'Mrs Weasley has taken it upon herself to help. She wants to ensure I don't fudge things up. I just came from a lesson.'

'Oh that's nice.' Hermione replied. 'What did she teach you?' she asked in her typical curious fashion.

'Ahem, it was personal hygiene.' Harry said gruffly.

'That doesn't sound too bad.' Ginny said slowly.

'I had a nice long and detailed sermon on how I should be bathing a toddler.' Harry said sourly. He took a deep breath. 'Including instructions on how to clean certain … parts of the body.' He blushed a bit. 'And I am apparently expected to bathe with the moppet.'

Ginny couldn't help a giggle. 'I suppose you will have to show him how to clean himself, eh? I can just picture it now.'

'You are a strange woman, Ginny Weasley,' Luna declared.

Ron, however, let loose a guffaw. 'You technically just had a conversation with my mum on how to clean yourself!'

Harry smiled blandly. 'You know, Hermione, Mrs Weasley is a pretty good teacher. Her teaching style is a bit unorthodox, though. She likes to use a lot of anecdotes. You learn a lot from those stories. Like how Ron over here refused to bathe alone till he was seven.'

Ron immediately shut up. 'What?' He squeaked, blushing.

'Yup,' Harry carried on unrepentantly. 'According to Mrs Weasley that is quite late. But she had to put her foot down eventually because she was beginning to find it rather awkward.'

Neville nearly fell off the bed laughing as Ron slowly sank beneath the sheets.

Harry wasn't finished. He turned to Ginny who was now breathless with laughter. 'Then again, that is much better than a certain someone else who apparently was very curious about the thing between her older brother's legs during bath time when they were five…'

Ginny immediately stopped laughing, turning the exact shade of a particularly ripe tomato.

'I am so going to kill my mother,' she squeaked, hiding her face as everyone else chortled.