Even
It's just a routine checkup. Just refilling her prescription. It's going to be fine. She's alright.
Even's shaking hands still in the dog's fur where he had been trying to find comfort. The sound of a car coming up the road breaks his chant and he puts on his best smile for his mother's doctor.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Mari. You must be Helene's son?" The doctor looks nice enough, bright eyes that seem kind of familiar. She smiles at him like his momma used to.
"Even," he holds out a hand. "She's up at the house." He walks ahead, letting her follow him up the path.
"He's such a good boy, but I swear, he has the social skills of a carpet! I haven't met a girlfriend since he was in middle school." Dr. Mari laughs and Even can't stop smiling. His momma is fine, and he can't find it in himself to be angry at anything.
"The day you make fyrstekake for me, I'll bring a girlfriend around." He grins up at them, loving the twinkle in his momma's eye.
"Well if that's all it takes." Helene moves to stand, but is pushed back by the doctor.
"Perhaps we should give Even some time to convince a girl to come out here before you get baking, yeah?" She looks at Even, a stern don't stress her out clear in her hazel eyes. He nods once, and listens carefully as she explains Helene's new medicine.
Beads of sweat drip from his forehead onto Sonja's bare chest, and maybe he should slow the fuck down, but he can't. Sonja's nails dig into his back and the pain spurs him on. Even leans in to lick it off her and Sonja giggles mid moan. It should have done something for him. Anything. It used to. But Even grunts, annoyed and thrusts harder. He's aware of his name on her lips, the smell of their sex permeating the room and the tight, wet heat heat around him, but his mind is a million miles away. He can't get rid of the image of a curved lips from his head. Smiling, frowning, spaced out teeth. Split lip. Blood. Stretched pretty and pink around him. Tongue covered in Even's come.
And fuck if that doesn't go straight to his cock. Before he knows it, he's shooting into the condom inside Sonja.
"It doesn't have to be like this, you know." Sonja hands him a cigarette, that hopeful look on her face that Even hates. There was a time when he would have done anything to keep her happy. Back when his momma took care of the farm and his piece of shit step dad stayed away like he was supposed to. Back when Even knew what it was like to be innocent and in love.
"You know we're better off friends than anything else." Even takes a long drag before settling in next to her. He owes their friendship this, at least.
"Are we, though?" Her voice is a soft, weak thing, and it almost hurts to know that Even did that. But he's not sorry. He's so fucked up, she deserves better.
"Of course we are. The best." Lie. He doesn't talk to her unless they're arranging when and where to meet. He doesn't have friends.
"Remember when that time at my cabin? When we were 15?" He does. The beginning of their end. Or maybe it wasn't the end. They weren't officially anything to begin with. So how does that end? "I knew I was in love with you on that trip."
"Sonja." He can't do this. He doesn't love her, won't ever love her. Doesn't even know what that's supposed to mean. "Please, don't."
"We could be so good together, Ev. We used to be so good." Even runs a hand through his hair and sighs. He leans over to put out the stub on her homemade ashtray, trying to find the words to let her down gently.
"Son, I'm sorry, but this? This is all I can give you. I'm not the same kid you used to hang out with. Don't make this harder than it has to be." He doesn't let himself feel anything when she flinches away from the hand he's put on hers.
"Then what are we doing? You're the only person I've been hooking up with, and I know you aren-"
"You don't, though."
"What?"
"You don't know that I haven't been with anyone else." Shame and guilt seep into Even's bones and even though he hasn't slept with anyone else, he wishes he had. At least then he wouldn't be breaking the girl over nothing.
Even's pulling his clothes on faster than Sonja's tears can fall and he's out of her apartment before the sobs reach his ears.
She'll realize he did her a favor. Maybe not now. Maybe not in a year. But someday, when she's happy with someone who can give her the world, she'll be happy that she never got involved with the trainwreck that is Even Bech Næsheim.
Even stays out late when his stepfather comes home. Their house is too small for the two of them and his momma is too weak to get between them. Really, it's best if he doesn't go home at all. He does tonight, though. Staying with Sonja isn't an option anymore, and he's got jack to rent a room with. He spends more time by the lake, instead, and the cold barely touches him there.
He's still seeing those lips and no amount of digging his palms into his eyes will chase it away. All it does is put white spots between the images and Even's so fucking done. He can't have anything easy, can he? If it's not his shitty stepdad, its school. If it isn't school it's his momma's deteriorating health or Valtersen and he's going to lose it.
Sometimes, he wonders what it would be like to live with his mom. If she hadn't left him and his momma. He'd probably be a lot more normal. Maybe even happy. He'd be dating Sonja, and might even be chill with Valtersen. No, Even likes hating that kid too much. They'd still hate each other.
"Come on baby gay, running up a mountain builds stamina. You're going to need it if you want to get past basic." Even's pulled from his thoughts and turns over in the water to look up at the clearing. A man, maybe in his 20s, running backwards, laughing with someone behind him.
Then, as if he'd conjured him from his mind Valtersen comes into view, panting. From his distance, Even can see his red face screwed up into something that hits Even in the pit of his stomach. Slowly, he rises out of the water, making as little sound as possible, but it doesn't matter. Valtersen whips his head around until he sees Even at the edge of the lake. His eyes widen, mouth popping open, and time stops.
Even can't move, but it seems like Valtersen can't either. He watches the boy's eyes drift down before turning away from him. It takes Even a moment to remember that he's completely naked, and it makes him feel a little sick that Valtersen's seen him naked. Sick that he's probably going to star in the kid's wet dreams. Sick that he kind of likes it. Wants him to think about Even when he's touching himself. So fucking sick.
"What are you looking at, Isak?"
"N-nothing, Eskild. Just taking a break. You think Mom's going to make dessert tonight?" Valtersen walks away, probably pulling 'Eskild' away from the clearing.
Even doesn't really understand what he's feeling anymore. Rarely does these days. But the taste of disappointment is heavy on his tongue, and he has no idea why.