She clattered about in the staffroom, refusing to tiptoe around him.

'You're making a right racket Dr Chao, if you don't mind me saying.' Noel raised an eyebrow.

'Hm?' Lily turned round. 'Oh, sorry. I'm just searching for the bourbons. We replenished the biscuit tin only the other day. Have you seen them?'

'No, I'm afraid not. I saw Jez with a stash the other day. Paramedics like 'em. Ask your boyfriend?' Noel replied. Lily greeted this with a slight raise of the eyebrow. 'Or... don't?' He pulled a face and excused himself.

Iain glanced up from his laptop. She caught his eye. It was clearly a deliberate attempt to get some sort of reaction out of him - she knew all too well they were his favourite. It was petty, and they both knew she wanted to talk to him. She wasn't exactly socially adept, so she was taking a minor issue and blowing it up. He fixed his eyes back on the screen with a little frown.

'Have you seen them, Iain?' Lily folded her arms together, leaning against the worktop.

He paused. 'Why are you doing this?'

She didn't miss a beat. 'I wanted something to accompany my tea, and-'

His expression hardened, stony. 'You know what I mean.'

'Hm...' She replied.

'Lily, this is childish. If you want to talk, try asking me.'

Suddenly cold, she turned to him. 'I tried that approach yesterday, it was met with reluctance.'

He sighed heavily. 'Did you dream again?'

'What's it to you?'

'So, you did then.'

'You didn't answer my question.' She argued.

'I care, don't I?' He shrugged.

'I don't know, do you?' She replied.

'Obviously, Lily.' He spat. 'Obviously I care.'

'Until you want to put yourself first, then you stop.'

Hurt flashed in his eyes. 'That's not true.'

'Take the biscuits, for example.' She said.

'What is this, some attempt to outwit me? I am here telling you that I care about you. I'm not flowering it up, you either believe me or you don't.' He retorted.

'I want to, but I am not certain.'

'Right, well when you are-' He begun to make his way out the door.

'If you care so much, why did you leave and not call?'

'Lily...' He ran his hands down his face.

'Why? Do I not deserve an answer?'

'I don't have the answer, do I? I had to clear my head.'

'Clear your head of me?' She asked, eyes round and hurt.

'Of the situation.' He corrected, own eyes matching hers. Guilt permeated through them, and this alone quietened her. It was clear to see he felt as bad in the situation as she did. 'Never of you.'

'Explain to me what happened that day, I want to help.' She whispered.

At that moment, Alicia, Robyn and Louise burst through the door giggling. He pulled a face. 'No privacy.' He whispered, then left out the other door.

'You alright, Lily? You look a bit... off.' Alicia screwed her face up.

'Thanks.' She muttered sarcastically. 'I'm fine, just a little busy.'

'She's right, are you-'

'I'm fine! I-I've got to get on, I'll speak later.' Excusing herself, she left the room into resus. Work felt like a break from break, and it was a feeling she welcomed.

-x-

'So, pint for the lady?' He sidled up to Lily in the car park on the way out.

'I don't drink, Iain.' She reminded him.

'I know, maybe you should.'

She pursed her lips. 'I think I'll pass.'

'Come to mine then?' He offered.

'I have nothing there.' She replied.

'You can wear one of my shirts, and we'll share a toothbrush and stuff.' He replied.

She frowned at him, as if the very idea was completely absurd. 'It's only like kissing!' He argued.

'It's not, there are-'

'If you wanted to talk to me that badly, you'd come over.' He said simply.

'Fine.' She stuffed her hands deeper into the pockets of her coat.

'You say it like you're doing me a favour!' He exclaimed.

'I am.' She replied, expressionless. Knowing he wouldn't win, he groaned. Talking to Lily was like pulling teeth sometimes. Difficult, lengthy, dangerous and at times, painful. The silence was stifling as they walked back to his place.

-x-

'Time to talk?' Lily whispered, gently peeling back the corner of his dressing gown to expose some of his skin. Not enough to make him chilly, but just enough for them to have contact.

'I don't want you to dream about it again.' He gently moved a loose strand of her hair back behind her ear.

'I won't. Besides, you're here.' She flattened her hand against the plane of his chest.

'Okay. So, if I share what happened, you share your dream from last night. Deal?' He asked.

'Mm-hm.' She mumbled.

'Right. Uh, oh god- I don't even know where to start. This would be so much easier with alcohol.'

'You can pretend.' She replied.

'Pretend what?' He scoffed. 'That I've had a drink?'

'I don't know.' She admitted, slightly giggly with fatigue.

He rolled his eyes.

'Do you want it to be story time, or not?'

'Yes!'

'Well can it then.'

'But I-' He interrupted her by holding a finger to her lips. Indignant, she attempted to bash him with the spare cushion until he moved his hand away.

'Right, come on then.' He said, gulping down the lump that had formed in his throat. She resumed the previous position adopted, knowing things were serious.

'I'd gone away with some mates, mates from the army.' He begun.

'Mm.' She prompted, running her fingers through his hair.

'We'd been there a while, a few days maybe. We'd met this guy while we were out there.' Iain gulped, hoping desperately that things weren't going to go the way he thought they might.

'Guy?' Lily frowned, still stroking his hair.

He took her hand away from his head and held it in his. 'I say guy, I mean, he was a lot older than us. We were in Vietnam, so a lot of the tourists were Chinese.'

He glanced up, noticing that she was still very much listening, in fact, intently so. Her face was painted with an expression of ignorance, almost blissful. She had no idea at all, and she hadn't even put the pieces together.

'Lils, where was your dad five years ago? What did he do? Can you remember?' He guided her gently. Despite not being 100% sure, he was sure beyond reasonable doubt.

'Uh, I imagine he was working at the restaurant down south. Wait... no. Uh... five years? The year he died?' She asked, softly. Iain waited, patient. 'That would be my last year of med school. He was travelling with my mother. They visited relatives back in Hong Kong, they went on a cruise. Other than that, they pretty much disappeared off the face of the earth. I had no way of contacting them until my mother rung...' She trailed off. 'Why, anyway?'

'Me and the blokes, we stayed in a hotel. Owners' surname Chao. Thought it was common, didn't really think much of it. No offence or anything, but being in China and all.' He said quietly.

'No no, it's like the equivalent of Smith.' She whispered, thoughtful. 'What was his first name?'

'That's just it, Feng.' Iain looked troubled. 'It was only recently when I heard you say that was your dad's name, then I thought. It hadn't come up in conversation though, so I felt no need to relive everything. If I told you I'd bumped into him, I would've had to tell you the sea story.'

'It-it probably wasn't even him, but... I-I...

What else do you remember?'

'This... this little lady ran it with him. Her name was Li Na. I remember clearly, distinctly.'

'My mother. But he died while he was out there, he didn't own any property.' Lily whispered.

'He didn't die before he bought a hotel and rented the rooms out...' He pulled a face.

'I don't understand,' She shook her head, mystified.

'I don't either, but I tried to work it out last night.'

'What has my father to do with the whole beach thing?' She asked.

'We saw him down the beach. They were there a lot throughout our stay, we were always bumping into them. It wasn't awkward or anything, we'd say hi if we were nearby enough.'

'How odd, what a small world.' She sighed.

'I know, I know.'

'How did you remember his name though? It was only a hotel manager, as far as you were concerned.'

He fell quiet. 'We all got washed out together, your dad included.'

'What?' Lily almost bolted up. He rested a hand on her shoulder, almost in comfort.

'Anyway, we were at the stage where our lungs were burning. Literally fighting to breathe, it was mental. Only three of the five of us were swimming anyway. Me, younger bloke called Dan and then Andy too. We were so out of our depth - literally flailing, trying to swim. The waves were too powerful though.' His eyes had turned glassy as he described the scene. 'Now, your dad. Able swimmer, wasn't he?'

'Uh, I don't know. We never really went to the local baths, or anywhere else fun.' She mumbled with regret.

'He seemed to be fighting the water, if I hadn't been so panicked, I would have been in awe. Then this boat came out of nowhere - a rescue boat. It had a maximum capacity. Obviously, the women and children went first. Your dad then climbed the steps to this boat, I remember it vividly. All the while, Andy and I were really struggling to keep afloat. He was such a confident swimmer, he could've stayed to help and lived. Andy really needed the help, bless him. I saw the hesitance cross his face, then he turned and climbed the stairs anyway. We were left for another twenty minutes. Somehow I managed to tread water and float on my back till the second boat reached us. Andy wasn't so lucky though, neither was Dan. They were dragged out the water. All I could do was look on in... in despair. I felt so helpless, and-and guilty. There was nothing I could've done, but the sight of their limp bodies, shells of the mates I once had, stays with me forever. They were doing CPR, but sometimes you just know.' He whispered.

She squeezed his hand, knowing too well.

'Did they make it?'

'No. Drowning due to secondary suffocation. Lungs filled with water, easier way of putting it.' He explained needlessly, even though he didn't need to.

'That is... awful. I'm so sorry. What about you?'

'I came close, I was in hospital for days. My other mates left the hotel and brought my stuff - they were good. I was glad I didn't have to go back though. Without doubt things would've been different had more people stayed to help.'

Guilt squeezed Lily's insides. Here he was, so bitterly affected, and things could've been so different. It was her dad, and that made her feel even worse. It was, in a strange way, as if she was partly responsible for the loss of his friend just simply by being related to him.

'I'm sorry, my father was a selfish man.' Lily whispered.

'You're not to think like that, he did what any person would do. Put themselves first.'

'But you didn't do that, you could have left your friends.' Lily argued.

He gave a little laugh, more pained than amused, and blinked his eyes closed. 'The thing is, you never do quite know how you'll react in any given scenario until you experience it.'

Her fingertips grazed his collarbone, lightly tracing up and down. 'You're so wise, and brave,' She whispered.

'I'm not pretending to be the righteous one, Lils. My flaws run deep, right? I'm not for one minute slating your dad either. He's only a little detail in the story, but it doesn't make sense without him. That's why I didn't want to tell you - God knows how you could've reacted. That, and it brings back too many memories.'

'I still mean what I said. Being brave is good, but being brave and compassionate is better. You are both. Your friends will have known that you were there until the very end.' She said.

He raised an eyebrow, left without words for a moment. 'Thanks. That really means a lot, you know.'

'No need to thank me. I again apologise for my father.' She said.

'Well, as I said. He was only a small feature.'

'Even so. The perfect example of how a human shouldn't be. I feel like I'm turning into him sometimes, it scares me.' She admitted.

'You are not.' He sighed. 'You're not. I only met the guy once, but he didn't really leave a lasting impression - a positive one, I mean.'

'He died about a week later too, natural causes. You saw him more recently than I did.' Lily mused. He glanced sideways, checking if she was in any way upset. Instead, where sadness should have been etched, a more thoughtful expression sat.

'Perhaps karma at play for letting your friend die.' She suggested quietly.

'Ah, there's no such thing.' He dismissed.

'The world works in funny ways.' She replied, picking at a thread on the fluffy blanket, which was loosely draped over them.

He watched as the cotton unravelled slightly under her thumb. 'Just chance I think. It doesn't seem to affect you though.'

Lily cleared her throat purposefully. 'I cried for weeks.' She told him honestly. 'Then I stopped, just like that. I haven't cried since, not even on the anniversary of his death. It's as if the tears just... dried up. It was around the time I realised I didn't miss the man, just more the gap he was meant to fill. After much thought, I then concluded that I grieved the way that he'd never properly filled any gap for me. The only thing he gave me was my drive. I suppose I can think him for my profession.'

'That makes sense.' Iain nodded. 'What did you dream about last night then?'

'The car.' She replied quietly.

'The car? Oh, sorry - my car?'

'Yeah, except we were driving in it, to work. I told you to slow down and you didn't.' She said.

'I'll drive slowly tomorrow.' He joked, and she just giggled. 'I will. I mean it. If it reassures you. I'll show you that I really can be a sensible driver.'

'How slow is slowly?' She asked.

'Hmm... ten miles per hour?' He suggested.

She laughed at this. 'I don't want to wake up that early.'

'Fine. A good, secure 20. I mean it.' He promised.

'Not 21?' She asked quietly as she nestled down some more.

'No, not 22 either. Or 19. 20. You watch if I don't keep my word.' He said.

'I trust you will, you keep your promises.' Lily replied contently, leaning to flick the switch off.

'Except when I left the other morning. I'm sorry, that was shit of me.' He mumbled.

'It wasn't, darling.' She felt him tense underneath her at the term of endearment that slipped from her lips. It was a first and it did taste funny. 'It wasn't.' She repeated softly.

'I'm glad we've been able to talk.' He said.

'Me too. Let's always talk, even when it's hard to.'

'I feel as if I get you a bit better now.' He whispered in the darkness.

'Hm, likewise.' She gently moved to kiss him. The absence of light made for a very clumsy effort on her part, and her parted lips landed on his jaw.

Both of them paused. 'Steady on.' His voice was suddenly gravelly.

'That wasn't meant for there!' Lily panicked.

He chuckled lightly. 'You say that as if kissing me anywhere other than my lips is the biggest disaster to ever occur.'

'No, well obviously not, it's just I- ugh!'

'No need to get flustered.' He sounded amused.

'I am not flustered.' She protested, hovering inches away from his face.

'Not much! Look, I don't bite. Well, not hard, anyway.'

'You think you're funny.'

'I am, and you think so too.' He said.

'I do not.'

'Why are you here then?' He asked.

'Because...' She begun.

'Because what?' He coaxed, the smile audible in his voice.

'Because I love you.' She sighed.

'Could sound happier to say it.' He commented.

'Now you're pushing it-'

And then, like that, they were kissing again. Neither mind strayed far from the other, but as they drifted off to sleep, he couldn't help but hope that the bad dreams were behind them. At least for one night if nothing else.