Thanks to all of you who are still reading this story and reviewing!

Just a little warning before we get on to the chapter...

The next two chapters are a little bit dark, and would be rated M instead of T... so if you don't want to read, it's okay! PM me and I'll send you a quick summary. But you should know that they will deal with heartbreak, depression and suicide...

But don't worry! Things will get better with chapter 20 et seq... ;)

Thanks again for bearing with me and our poor guys stuck in Space!

Chapter 19

But Jane did wake up, unfortunately. Her hip was still throbbing like hell, and she had no idea what time it was or how long since the bone marrow extraction. Ten minutes? An hour? Two days? A week? One thing was sure: it still hurt. She tried to stand up, but her leg refused to cooperate. She forced herself to stand, taking hold on the bed post to help her stand. But her leg still didn't cooperate. It was on strike, refusing to walk. So she dragged it around the room, a throb of pain shooting down her leg at each step. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to walk. Raven had had a bad leg for over a year. She could do it, too.

There was nothing to do and she didn't want to see the others. How many days since Bellamy had locked himself in the Com Room? Did he ever get out? Just to eat or even pee? She decided to go see if she could talk to him. At least to say goodbye. Her job here was done, anyway. When she told Echo that eight people came to Space and eight people would be coming down, she lied. Seven people would be coming down. She would make sure of that.

She dragged her leg along the hall, holding on to the wall for support. But the Ring was eerily quiet. What time was it? She passed the Com Room without stopping and continued to the kitchen and the lounging room. No one. It was empty.

"Must be night time. I wonder how long I slept." She hissed, pain shooting down her leg as she put some weight on it. She walked back to the Com Room and put her ear against the door. Besides Bellamy's snores, it was silent. She took a deep breath and pressed on the intercom button.

"Bellamy? Are you there?" Of course, he was there, physically at least.

No answer. Good. He was sleeping. At least she could talk to him without him telling her to get out and leave him alone.

"Bell? Look," she started, the pain still numbing her leg, "I just wanted to say that I loved you. I don't know how I would've survived all my life without you." She paused, thinking of what to say next. Inside, the snores had stopped, but she didn't notice it. "You kept me alive. You kept all of us alive on the ground, we all became your family. The hundred of us." She stopped, taking a shaky breath. "Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you. For everything…" she trailed off. "When you see Octavia, can you please tell her that her mother loved her? Because you're probably going to see her before I do. I-" she stopped, choked by a sob and released the intercom button, covering her mouth with her hand, trying not to cry. "I love you," she whispered.

And then she walked away, dragging her leg, swallowing back the tears and the sobs.

"Jane," she heard his deep voice through the intercom. "Wait."

Jane froze mid-step. He was awake? Shoot. She walked faster, or at least as fast as her leg would allow.

She heard the doors slide open and Bellamy ran down the hall and stopped in front of her, his brow scrunched down, confused. "What do you mean I'll see Octavia before you do?" He grabbed her shoulders. "Jane, talk to me."

She shook her head, forced back the tears and pushed past him, limping away.

"What happened to you?" he said noticing her limp, stopping again in front of her, blocking the way. "Why are you hurt?"

Jane shot him a look. She wanted to be angry at him, but it was too hard. She didn't have the energy to, so she just told him the truth. "Bone marrow extraction for Echo and Emori. Let me pass. Please."

"But why? And where are you going?"

"Solar radiation. And my destination is none of your business. Go back to your radio. You're gonna miss Clarke." There was so much venom in Jane's voice that it actually hit Bellamy squarely in the face.

"Jane, I-"

"Let it go, Bell." This time she walked away and he didn't try to stop her. He was too dumbstruck by the whole situation to do anything. What was going on? He went back to the Com Room, more confused than ever. But now, it was impossible to go back to sleep. And Clarke would be calling any time, now. Like every morning.

He waited, staring at the radio.

But Jane's little speech over the intercom confused him. Why had she said all that? And she actually used the past tense when she said she had loved him. Why?

Just then, the radio flared to life with Clarke's voice.

"Hey, Bellamy. I still don't know if you can hear me or not, but it's been 72 days since Praimfaya. I hope you're all still alive up there. I'm still pretty much all alone down here. I finally managed to have the Rover running again, so I'll be able to go explore a bit." She paused, and Bellamy listened. "I'm still in Becca's lab, the only viable place to be, right now. The Earth is pretty messed up, I wonder what you can see from up there. Must be all browns and grays. Is there any water left on the Planet? I'll have to go check with the Rover. Anyway. Gotta go, now… I miss you," she added after a slight pause. "Be safe. And please take care of the others. Use your head, too, remember?"

Then the radio went silent and he let his head fall on his arms. Like every day, he needed some time to get over the fact that she was alive. Sometimes he thought it was all a dream, that he was going crazy. And not being able to answer her was driving him nuts.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, an ear-splitting, blazing alarm went off. He jumped from his daze and his eyes caught a beeping light on the panel. The airlock room.

"Must be some kind of dysfunction," He mumbled to himself. "But then again, if there's a dysfunction and all the oxygen is sucked up, we're all dead." He had gotten into the habit of talking to himself since he couldn't talk back to Clarke. "And Clarke told me to keep us all safe." He sighed and walked out of the Com Room, heading to the airlock. He was the last one there.

"Manual Overdrive!" Raven shouted to Monty, who jumped on the panel on the wall. He pulled the lever down and the doors hissed opened.

That's when Bellamy saw Jane unconscious on the floor of the airlock room. Raven and Echo quickly dragged her out of the airlock room and Monty closed the doors again. Harper looked for a pulse in Jane's neck.

"She's not breathing!" she said, panic rising in her chest. "How long was she out of oxygen for?" She rolled her on her side.

"I don't know," Raven said. "Since the alarm went off, I guess."

But three seconds later, Janes coughed and took a sharp breath, rolling again on her back. She started crying.

"Jane," Raven said softly. "What on Earth were you trying to do?"

Jane didn't answer and continued crying.

"She was trying to float herself," Bellamy said, barely above a whisper, his voice breaking, now realizing why she had said all that earlier. He ran his hands through his dark hair and walked away. No, he ran away back to the Com Room and locked himself in it, again.

"Is that true?" Harper asked Jane, who was still crying on the floor. She hadn't planned for the alarm to go off. Jane simply nodded twice, not meeting their eyes.

Murphy crouched next to Jane and carried her – bridal style – back to her room. He lay her on her bed and asked everyone to get out of the room.

"Murphy, we can't leave you alone with her," Monty said.

"Why? you think I'm going to kill her?" Murphy said sarcastically.

"Well, it isn't above you to do it," Raven said, stepping inside the room.

"He won't kill her," Emori said, walking away from the room. "I trust him. And you should, too, for once."

Echo followed Emori out of the room and Raven exchanged a look with Harper and Monty. If they weren't going to trust John Murphy now, they might never. Raven nodded and they all walked away, closing the door behind them.

He sat silently next to her, brushing away her hair from her damp forehead, not knowing what to say. What did you say to someone who had tried to killed herself by taking the oxygen out of her lungs? Jane looked away from him, the sobs subsiding a little. Murphy just sat there.

After a few minutes like that, he finally decided to say something. "Scoot over."

She didn't look at him or say anything, but she obeyed. She scooted over and Murphy lay down next to her, his arms crossed behind his head and his ankles crossed, too. Again, silence filled the room.

"Why did you do it?" he finally said out of the blue, when she was now breathing evenly, with no more sobs or tears streaming down her cheeks.

She shrugged. "You guys don't need me."

He let out a dry chuckle. "You know that's not true. For one, you're the only kind-of-medic we have. Secondly, you saved Echo and Emori from dying of Solar Radiation." He paused. "And third, I like you. I don't want you to die."

"Yeah, right."

"It's true," he said looking at the ceiling. "Remember when we first got to the Ground? How we used to hang out together?" He chuckled. "It would drive Bellamy crazy. You told him to go float himself."

"Shut up, Murphy." Jane almost smiled at the memory. Almost.

"Look, I know he's acting like a jerk. And to be honest, he does not deserve you."

She sighed deeply. "We've known each other practically our whole lives. Maybe we've been together for too long, you know? Maybe I need to let go. Maybe that's why I was floating myself." She paused, and John didn't think she would add anything. "I'm already dead inside, anyway."

Murphy propped himself up on his elbow. "Okay, listen. Bellamy may be stupid for letting you go, but you can't float yourself."

For the first time since the start of their conversation, she looked at him, searching his eyes. "Give me one good reason, John."

He smiled at the sound on his given name on her lips. "Octavia," he said. "And I promise I won't let her be motherless. I'm personally gonna make sure you see your daughter again."

Jane rolled her eyes. "What's the use? She's going to be six years old when – if – I see her again. She won't even know who I am. I'll be a stranger to her."

"Maybe. But you're still always be her mother."

Jane and Murphy looked at each other a long time.

"Fine," she finally said. "I'll be a zombie for the sake of my daughter."

"Good." He sat up and stood. "Now come on. Let's go show the others that I didn't kill you."

Jane chuckled bitterly. "Nah, I'm staying here. I just need to be alone for now."

He crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes. "I can't leave-"

"I'm fine, John. I'm not gonna float myself. Yet," she added for herself.

"You sure?"

"Yes. Octavia, remember?" She rolled her eyes and rolled on her side, her back to him and the door.

He stayed there a moment longer before walking away.

Meanwhile, Bellamy was still in the Com Room, sitting next to the radio. He took the mike of the radio and started talking. "Clarke? This is Bellamy. I know you can't hear me since our emitters fried when they took the Ark down a year ago. But I've been listening to you, you know? I know you're alive, and you can't imagine how happy I am." He paused, and smiled, conjuring an image of Clarke in his mind. "About what you said earlier, though, about keeping us safe up here?" He paused, as if waiting for her to respond by a "yes?" or "uh-huh? Keep going." He took a deep breath. "I screwed up. Turns out I can't use my head up here, like you said I should. I can't. I had you for that." He paused. "I screwed up big, Clarke. Jane tried to float herself. Literally. And it's all my fault." He paused again. "I don't know what to do, Clarke. I need you," he whispered. "I love you…"