"We were very easy on Umino, just as you ordered. We were. So basically, because we didn't take full advantage of the opportunity, at this point we're not much better off than we were before. We do not have a definitive understanding of the eventual percentage or quality of recovery we might expect to see. But it's clear that right now he's still seriously compromised and glitching without warning under pressure. And with that, you have my primary concern with his living arrangements. If he stays under supervision in T&I, we eliminate all the variables we'd have to deal with by setting him free on his own again. There's no doubt in my mind now that there's a risk factor to having him back on the street," Ibiki said, looming over the Hokage's desk in his habitual manner.
"So you seriously think Iruka is some kind of threat?" she asked, leaning back in her chair skeptically.
"No, if I felt he was in any way a threat, he'd be under lock and key without question. I said risk. He's a risk to himself for obvious reasons. And as far as village security goes, he's a weak link vulnerable to influence. Now, usually, there wouldn't be much chance that a man could be exploited right here in town. But in this case you've got Danzou's involvement; there is a remote possibility that he still has enough of an interest in Umino to be up to something. And then there's the security breach with Shiranui. The preponderance of evidence indicates that he was spirited away undetected by a person or persons unknown right in front of dozens of fully attentive shinobi witnesses. So there is exposure in letting Umino run around loose and live alone in his apartment. And as far as going outside these walls? Now that, that cannot be allowed under any circumstances," Ibiki shook his head for emphasis. "One hundred per cent NOT cleared for mission work or travel of any kind."
"He seemed to be doing well enough at the mission desk. And since he's picked up his shadow, there haven't been any new blackouts."
"Yes, yes, yes," Ibiki said impatiently, starting to pace. "I know where you're going with this. It's only been going well because of Hide's very active support and surveillance – which, I hope you realize, Umino's only vaguely aware of, if at all. That ought to tell you just how poorly he's analyzing his reality."
"I told you to go easy on him for a reason, Ibiki. At this point even you must realize that we're not going to wring one more useful thing about Root out of him directly. It's time to try letting him recover at his own pace, even if it's a very slow one. Yamanaka is in agreement. Sure, keep an eye on him, give him some more time on restricted movement, let Hide escort him through shifts at the mission desk...all that's fine. But I want this to be his last day locked up in your facility. I want him released and the restrictions on his personal contacts lifted."
"He'll need constant monitoring if he starts associating with toxic people again!"
"Exactly. Do it. And you can inform him, or do it so he never knows he's being watched – I really don't care which. You can make that call. But he needs to start making his own choices. Really, how do you ever expect to evaluate his ability to adapt when he's so artificially controlled? And consider this – in order for us to investigate the remote possibility that Danzou might try to interact with him inappropriately, he needs to be somewhat vulnerable to it. This period of time, while you're still keeping close tabs on him, is ideal for that. You just need to give him a lot more rope. I fully realize that you don't want to let go of the end, and I'm not asking you to."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You can keep him on your leash, Ibiki, just make it longer for a while. It doesn't look like he'll ever be close to his level of performance before the Root reversal. But if still want to recruit him for some other position in T&I, where he's voluntarily under your command and conveniently close at hand for observation and supervision, be my guest. You've got a better shot now at getting him to agree to work for you than you ever have since the incident with Hidata. That is, if you're still interested in having him."
"His hazy memory gives everyone a better shot at him. And that's another reason to continue to restrict his socialization."
"No."
Ibiki's expression was no lighter, but the wheels in his head spun up immediately. With Iruka's former deep resentment still largely an unacknowledged thing of the past, and Hide's strong and constant influence, this was an opportune time to draw him under his wing. He reluctantly bowed to the cagey wisdom of her suggestion, and berated himself for not thinking of it first. Iruka was doing well enough on the mission desk, but per Hide's in-depth reports, he still struggled daily with the uncertainty of his future and his career, particularly when he was off-duty.
Bring him in and put him on task, immerse him in operations, funnel him into a T & I line of work with high suitability potential and then give him so much overtime that the brief sojourns to home become less and less important...and he might elect to take one of the on-site quarters out of practicality.
The best way around her 'hands-off' order was to follow her suggestions, it seemed.
But the release back to open socialization was going to create hurdles. If the scarecrow became his constant companion again, he was sure to interfere.
So the path would have to be somewhat subtle. Kakashi was still forbidden from revealing Hide's mission, and if he violated that order, the ban on fraternization with Iruka could easily be made permanent as punishment. This could still work; and if history was any indication, the copy-nin's tendency to bad behavior would be his own worst enemy. Each time he treated Iruka poorly, they would have an opportunity to step up the game and draw them apart, eventually separating the two of them for good.
For good. That was the right way to view it.
As far as Ibiki was concerned, the man's ability to hold sway over Iruka's life was the purely hedonistic indulgence of an egomaniac at least ninety percent of the time. That he managed to have some sort of civil relationship with him the other ten merely indicated how controlled and calculating his feigned lack of self-control really was.
Tsunade was silent, watching her security captain's face, patiently waiting as he stared back in deep thought. For a moment, she wondered if he'd even heard her last edict.
For all of the uproar over Genma's disappearance, the current overall status of the village was quiet and secure. It gave them time to have these conversations, and make close examination of things that might otherwise be too low-priority to even discuss. To re-exam for the umpteenth time what Danzou might be up to. To go slinking around analyzing the personal relationships of men and women of interest. She didn't care for trouble, but dealing with it certainly forced them to keep their priorities in better order than this.
"As you wish, then. I'll take steps to return him to his own recognizance, under tight observation, with roaming restrictions. But I never really banned him from any specific contacts. So I submit that releasing the ban on fraternization with certain individuals would be your department."
She nodded, not feeling any urgency to jump up and contact Kakashi in the field with the good news. Everyone needed to be on the same page with the timing. Kakashi would have to obey the rules until she relaxed them, so she had to decide when to do so and then share the effective date of the change with her enforcement staff, Ibiki included.
"When Kakashi returns from his mission I'll set a time to talk with him. I'll issue my change in orders at that time."
"Moving on, then. The new recruit from the Munasawagi clan is going to have a chance to show us what he's capable of, with any luck. I'm assigning him to the perimeter around Danzou's residence. His low-frequency sensory jutsu is very promising. He working on a style that can penetrate the blocking that's been established there, without being detected. That's always been the sticking point. You can defeat the barrier, it's always been possible, but only by damaging or changing it in an obvious manner. Danzou is highly skilled; if he detects a breach in his barrier, I'm sure he has backup he can establish with little or no delay. Munasawagi's already found weaknesses in the blurring effect that's used to mask the identities of visitors before they enter the grounds proper. We should know in a week who some of these shadow visits have been from."
"Aha. You know, I saw his academic record and couldn't understand why you drafted him. He came close to washing out more than once."
"I observed him because of those washouts. I'm confident that with the right training, he can develop control strategies to use his ability without absorbing the negative effects of working in the darker chakra wavelengths. We'll be managing his development closely. He's getting a crash course on compartmentalizing from the torture teams; and I've had Yamanaka monitoring him while they perform basic interrogations together. So far so good."
"You don't think evil on Danzou's level is too much of a risk for him this early on?"
"I'm sure that it would be. But his current assignment is just to find a way to penetrate the barrier and identify the traffic in and out. Eventually, I'll have him hardened up enough to let him infiltrate as far as he can get. But you're correct. It would be too damaging at this stage."
"Let me know what he finds out. I'm intrigued."
And on a far more upbeat note than anticipated, Ibiki gave a nod and took his dismissal with relish, a hundred possibilities dancing in his head.
xxxx
"I'm sure glad you're back, but it must be hard getting in the swing of things again, huh? You look tired. We should just do the ramen stand tonight and turn in early," Hide smiled, taking advantage of the lull in clients to rise and hazard a warm, chummy shoulder-clasp with his quiet mission desk partner.
"Oh. I guess." Iruka turned through the pages for a third time, still not fully concentrating on the hourly staff report.
The experimental session in T & I left his head full of revived memories that were still disorganized and difficult to deal with, to the point of interfering with his ability to think clearly. Some little turn of phrase would send his mind off on an inward path which he involuntarily followed, immersed within and totally disengaged with whatever conversation set off the reaction, until he managed to realize it and shake out of it or someone noticed and asked if he was listening.
Hideki's solicitous attentions kept triggering visions of Jeninki's kinder, compelling nature, and the feelings their interactions in the prison provoked. In the interviews with Ibiki he'd been forced to reveal too much of that very personal attachment. The torture specialist indicated that it was fully expected due to the influence of the eye technique; but Iruka had managed to steal away without revealing that even after the technique was released, he failed to see those feelings purely as the manipulation of a criminal madman.
He still felt that Jeninki's affections were genuine despite it all. Only logic told him otherwise. In his heart and his gut, he mourned their lost attachment still. No one could convince him that it was the kindness that was false, and the cruelty that was the rogue nin's true nature. Jeninki's madness overtook him when Iruka refused to join him, and drove him to that act of mutilation. Iruka shared the blame for his own suffering, and for Jeninki's horrific death by beheading.
A kindly hand was gently shaking his shoulder and he snapped out of it, refocusing on his current situation.
Hideki's constant attention and eager companionship was starting to feel provoking. He'd made a big deal about this being his first week back, going on about how much his absence made for long days at the desk and how much he was missed hanging out after hours, offering to help with every little thing, prodding him with sympathetic offers of a shoulder and an ear if he wanted to get anything off his chest. Try as he might, he just couldn't accept that anyone would be so kind, so completely absorbed with him, without wanting something more than just friendship.
After a while, he decided that physical attraction played a part in it. Hideki made hesitant overtures on several occasions but pulled up short until that last unfortunate try. When things progressed to the point of forcing a yes or no decision, Iruka balked despite feeling an undeniable flit of temptation. He clearly and plainly declined the invitation, with enough conviction in his words to settle the matter for the immediate future if not forever; and he fully expected to face a backlash.
But since that day, not a bit phased at having been shot down, the man acted was as if everything was as good if not better than before. 'Disappointed but respectful of his wishes,' that was the gist of what Hideki said that night, as they buttoned up shirts over their lightly perspiring chests. What started as a massage session escalated into something highly erotic and almost mutual before Iruka found the sense to call for a sudden halt, making his objections very clear.
In a way, it didn't make sense. What kind of nin came up with that kind of reaction to being turned down cold after arguably being led on and going that far? Because more than once Iruka felt some desire, some thinly disguised arousal that made him shift in his chair when Hideki insisted on giving him those massages, or bumped, rubbed against or touched him accidentally in the course of just being around each other so damned much. And it was a close call in that heated clutch; because Hideki was constantly there, open and available and taking such interest, warm and kind and ridiculously inviting, and Iruka had been lonely and frustrated from being celibate for so very long. Who would it hurt? Who else would ever even know? They were adults, and they weren't making starry eyes at each other, so it might have just been a solid buddy-fuck, and a damned good one, so why not?
But he never contemplated it any further. Yeah, he was free to do something like that, but it wasn't something he was ever inclined to indulge in so casually. Things were still completely up in the air with the mostly-absent and enigmatic, distant Kakashi; he didn't understand at all where they really stood right now. While circumstantial evidence made it seem like Kakashi was at minimum having second thoughts, Iruka still, somehow, felt like their long-standing bond was intact. When he thought in terms if future intimacy, only one person came to mind; and that person's absence was confusing enough with adding any unnecessary complications.
It was only by chance that he'd encountered the copy-nin at all; yet he gave a lot of weight to that moment of connection. He jumped at the opportunity to talk to him at the Tower, reaching out and being rewarded with a sympathetic, if far too brief, ear. Kakashi said very little, mostly listening as Iruka breathlessly described his dread of further examination at T & I; but when the masked man finally spoke up, his warm yet deadly serious tone gave him pause.
"Your memory may not be 100%, but don't second guess yourself when it comes to your instincts. Listen to your gut, Iruka; trust yourself, and you'll be fine."
Iruka took some comfort in that; it was in the forefront of his mind that Kakashi was still in his corner, and he took that statement as confirmation that it wasn't just wishful thinking.
That hand now on his back struck the hint of a sour note on the same internal, gut level. Hideki would rub just almost to the point where he felt he might have to say something, then it would stop. Every time. Same with the shoulder massages, until that hot, go-for-broke session. Almost measured, formulaic, something. The stopping point was too similar each and every time. You could think that someone was just a patterned person, someone who did things repetitively. OCD, or the like. But that didn't feel like the truth.
The recent sessions, locked in the bowels of T&I once more, shook loose more of his personal memories than anything, and he managed to do a pretty good job of keeping most of it to himself. How the hell he'd pulled that off, he had no idea. It wasn't like Ibiki not to be drilling to the bone to catch that sort of thing, and he didn't quite believe that he'd gotten off so easily. But the leading questions about the Jeninki assignment, Root period and Danzou that he tried honestly to answer seemed to be, straight up and direct, the only areas of his memory they were mining this time. The primary focus was on the state of his bodily functions, his nervous system, his coordination, his mental acuity.
Now, he just wished Hideki would stop breaking into his concentration every time his thoughts veered inward. It felt like he was on the verge of reclaiming more and more of his past, if only he could attain the right state of calm, private introspection to retrieve it. There was plenty of downtime in the mission room as far as official business went. He wasn't obligated to entertain staff during those lulls.
Hide lowered his voice a little as he heard someone passing in the hallway outside the mission room.
"I hope you're not still worried about our little misunderstanding the other night. I'm fine just so long as you're comfortable with things. But I sure hope you'd tell me if something is bothering you. You know I'm always ready to listen," Hide said, once again berating himself for getting overconfident. He hadn't used any of his mood enhancements nor boosted the sedatives prior to making his move. Rookie mistake. It seemed that Iruka was able to shield his emotions better each day, and reading him was getting tricky where before it had been childishly easy. Hide hadn't realized how much better until the fiasco of that failed manipulation.
It was an unfortunate setback. Had they made that leap into intimacy, there were all manner of new ways he could have penetrated further into Iruka's confidence and the most private regions of his mind.
Now it was the opposite. Iruka was more wary, sometimes bristling, more inclined to examine their interactions. That was bad on every level. It was crucial to keep Kakashi away on missions and fortunate that the rest of the nin were still too wary of him to buddy up yet; Iruka's isolation was the tipping point that kept him second-guessing himself enough to enable Hide to maintain such constant, close access, continued issues with his stability notwithstanding.
In the midst of stoically tolerating Hideki's invasive reassurance, something in the man's voice made Iruka catch his breath. It wasn't about the words, or the overly personal approach. When the realization hit him, he couldn't believe that he didn't put it together right off.
The deep baritone finally triggered the illumination of another shadow from his memory. During that horrible, insane, disorienting procedure in T&I to restore his two halves – this voice was too similar to that of the man in the goggles. Hide. Hideki. How could he have been so dense? This was no random co-worker who just happened to hit it off with him big time lately. He hadn't remembered his old friend Hideki because there was no such person to remember.
It was a shock; yet everything suddenly made much more sense, because it never seemed possible that he could ever have had such an actively beneficial, non-toxic person in his life as Hideki pretended to be.
Like with everything else these days, his emotions were so mixed he couldn't pick one as primary. It was mortifying to be deceived so easily, and yet, on another level it actually felt better, because it confirmed that his inner compass still accurately pointed to things that were normal and things that were not. It was a relief to have his own ability to judge reality validated. To say whether this boost to his self-confidence was more valuable than having a feel-good buddy was irrelevant; Hideki wasn't an old buddy, or any kind of friend for that matter, after all.
And if Hide was on a mission from Ibiki's program, seeing through his act was first-class work. There was a taste of pride in that small, if belated, victory that suggested strength and firmer footing amid the constant quicksand of self-doubt. Pitted against an expert T&I operative's extreme abilities and with the handicap of his own still-damaged awareness, he'd picked his own way out of their careful web of deception. His skills were returning, besting the fully-able Hide's professional efforts at infiltration and espionage.
Hide recognized the change in ambient temperature between them as soon as it occurred. The tonal feedback was strong and shifted through the steps of realization and re-conceptualizing quite abruptly. It all happened in the span of seconds; in the ultimate, final relational shift, he detected full loss of his access to emotional influence. It was replaced with a wall of the sort of defensive energy that new detainees typically exhibited when he began his work, a level of wariness and distrust that surely meant he had been identified.
He knew this might happen, but after working with the subject for so long, he also knew that controlling this variable would be a lot tougher than he previously projected.
Iruka wasn't looking up or saying anything; Hide could tell that once again, he was not focused on the worksheet. His hand had come to a halt with the pen hovering, quaking gently, the fresh sign of instability barely perceptible.
Hide readied for whatever outburst or reaction that might follow; but slowly, the pen returned to the paper and haltingly began to tally the column again.
Whether it was evidence of tremendous self-control or denial of his revelation, Hide was not sure.
When the sheet was completed in the roar of silence, Iruka closed the logbook and paused. With a deep breath, he looked up and away, undecided as to just what expression he was supposed to be wearing. He needed to get away, to absorb this new information and figure out what it meant and what to do about it.
"Whatever you might be thinking, I want you to know that you can still talk to me, Iruka. Everyone is always following the orders that they're given. And within that framework, we make our friends, find people we care about, decide who to spend time with. I have my orders, but...I do feel close to you as a person. I want to be there for you and I do care about you. That's aside from any instructions or mission obligations that I might have been given to watch over and protect you."
Iruka snorted gently, a noise of amused disbelief. He already knows that I know...and he's still trying to make it work? One corner of his mouth crooked up as he nodded to acknowledge the balls it took to make that last-ditch lie with such heartfelt, buttery sincerity.
"You don't believe me."
Reluctantly, Iruka turned and looked Hideki right in the eyes. It would have been a lot easier to go put up the log, sign out and keep walking. But he didn't want to give the impression that this was shaking his world. In the scheme of things, especially with the returning memories, this was totally consistent with his expectations in this life. Emotionally, he was only mildly irritated at the deception, at being made to look like a fool. And it wasn't at all true that he'd blindly allowed himself to become emotionally attached, although he sensed that Hide/Hideki/whoever-the-hell thought that he had.
Iruka wasn't the only one having a less than pleasant revelation.
"To be honest, Hide, I've never believed in you one hundred percent."
"I see." Hide was just beginning to suspect the extent of his failure; his reluctance to fully utilize his manipulative pharmaceuticals was not judicious but foolish. He'd overestimated the power of his technique outside of a controlled environment. This next report this to his superior could get him pulled back from the field for good.
Hide had a hard flash of uncertainty. Maybe he was ill-equipped for this sort of thing after all, just as he'd feared in his darker moments of introspection - handicapped not by professional inability, but by lack of a personal life. Having never been in a real relationship due to his inability to shut down his unsettling manipulative skills even in private, this assignment was both a challenge and his chance to experience firsthand, fake or not, what that might be like. He thought he had been doing well when in fact it never got off the ground at all.
With dashed hopes he conceded that his time at the mission desk was at high risk of ending soon as well. He really enjoyed the mostly upbeat bustle of that department. Uplifted by this comparatively positive new environment, his enthusiasm and overconfidence had been his downfall. He thought he had been fitting in nicely, but now it seemed he was wrong.
Maybe it wasn't too late. He had a hypnotic drug that could reverse memory for a brief span of time. If he could dose Iruka now, set him back to ignorance, then use other potions to keep him from figuring it out again...it wasn't without risk, but it was a way to salvage this, to keep his new career path from dying before it really got started.
"We can still go get that ramen. Let me buy you dinner to apologize. We can talk about it, there's no harm in that, is there? At least give me a chance. I'm still your partner here. We're still assigned together. Having an assignment and doing my duty is normal and expected, there's no reason for you to hold it against me. I shouldn't be punished personally for performing well professionally."
Iruka glared as he crossed that line. Trolling for personal sympathy? For real? So annoying!
"I'm tired and I'm going home."
They shelved the paperwork and locked up, Iruka stiffly performing the last required duties in order to get the hell out and away, and Hide anxiously finishing up with all speed, making sure Iruka didn't take off first to ditch him.
The empty corridor echoed with the final snap of the lock; Hide went for broke, pushing Iruka back against the wall, trapping him to force him to listen.
Iruka stared angrily, resisting the impulse to meet force with force and break away. Basically, now that he was aware of Hide's assignment, this was no longer a social relationship where he was free to choose how he would and would not participate. Hide's order would be his command. Given the insipid path so far, there might be worse in store now.
"Everything that's happened has happened because of you. There's potential damage for both of us here Iruka, so you shouldn't just go off half-cocked. You have to listen and hear me out. You just don't understand!"
Did Hide not realize his power over him in this situation? Iruka certainly did not want to clue him in if he didn't. Better to cooperate a little, in order to maintain the looser control, than to push his overseer into discovering his authority to wield absolute power.
"All right. If you insist I'll hear you out. But someplace public, someplace..."
"No. Your apartment. We're going there now. I'll seal us up in complete privacy, so we can discuss this without any interruptions."
"Damn it," Iruka mumbled a curse, bowing his head as Hide stepped into him, reaching around and behind him in the familiar act of transporting him away with little warning.
Hide squeezed tight, mind racing, scrambling for the approach that would pull this back from the brink. Success here meant the path to daylight was still open and in reach; failure meant a return to the grim servitude in T&I that eroded his soul. Iruka stood at the fulcrum of his future, perhaps his entire life.
He had no intention of leaving that apartment until he had exhausted every means to turn this back around.
Xxxxx
Ibiki pulled out the binder and thumbed through, reflecting on the possibilities. Iruka had been stronger and a bit more stable throughout the limited interrogation process. Maybe he could do a little work as an assistant in debriefings and such. Something easy, and definitely only using hard methods with clearly guilty parties and sworn enemies at first. It was always the gray areas and hard work on friendlies that caused the most angst for newbies.
Then, on the other hand, there was the operations analyst function, a mission desk of sorts for ANBU and T&I scheduling. He could apprentice there; it required experience and an understanding of the idiosyncrasies of ANBU work, interrogation operations and the varying degrees of torture and subject-specific resistance levels, so he wouldn't be able to just sit in and pick it up right off. The ANBU rotated in and out of the job, so as a toe-dip into the ANBU world, it would make for a nice, easy introduction. He'd get to know all of the operatives pretty well, and learn each one's special skill sets. That would make it easy for him to get enthused and pursue the reawakening of his own unique abilities, depending on his level of recovery, of course.
Yes, this could work. He'd have to rough out a proposal, and figure out the best way to get Iruka to buy in. Tsunade's only real requirement was that it be voluntary. Hide could talk it up, maybe set it up as if the two of them were being brought over to T&I to see which one would work out. That would make it seem less suspicious, and perhaps less intimidating. Safety in numbers, even if the number was only two.
Ibiki would be ashamed of himself if he couldn't orchestrate one man's consent to a custom-created developmental assignment.
xxx
"Think Kakashi's in trouble again?"
"Eh," Izumo shrugged, shaking his head. "If he is, I don't think it's the usual drunk and disorderly. He hasn't been cutting up at all, with what little downtime he's had."
"I guess. He's usually not happy unless he's getting somebody's goat."
"I wouldn't describe him as happy when I've run into him lately."
"They've been working him pretty hard. Such long assignments, one right after another. Nasty shit, all of it. That's why I was thinking, man, if they're calling him in to give him hell about something, that's pretty lame."
"That it is. We still gotta give it to him, though. Pretty specific orders."
Kotetsu flicked the official envelope across the table to his partner and sat down, squinting up at a cawing bird in one of the trees just beyond the village entrance.
"Yeah. I like that part of the instructions, don't you? As soon as he walks in the gate, before he even gets a chance to dump the caps or wash up, take care of his injuries, whatever. Make sure he stops and stands there and reads it right then, no matter what. You know what I think? I think that one of these days they're gonna push him too far."
"They've been pushing him like mad as long as I can remember. He ever break? He hasn't, right?"
"Nope. He's been first on scene for a lot of other guys' breakdowns, though."
"Takes guts. Maybe he's just too tough to go down."
"Everyone breaks eventually, if they take missions long enough. He gets damned near all of the wet work lately. He looked like hell when he came through check-in last time."
"Lot of people could get hurt if he has a bad one."
"A guy like that, they probably have a set plan for dealing with it. I mean, if they don't..."
"If they have a plan and we don't know about it, it means we're not part of it. So I guess they won't need an all hands response. So, yeah, if he breaks it probably wouldn't even involve us. Well, let's not jinx him. He seemed to be all right to me when he left."
"Somebody's coming."
Kotetsu stepped out, sensing and sighting before returning to plop heavily onto his stool.
"Get ready. Two single check-ins ten or so apart. I only hope we finish hearing about the exuberance of our youth before we have to tackle Inuzaka to get him to sign in."
"I kinda wish Kakashi would show up so we can give him his notice and get this over with."
"Yeah. Me, too."
They both eyed the envelope and actively decided to stop reflecting on the possible contents. The likelihood that Kakashi would reveal any inkling of his displeasure was extremely slim anyway. They'd probably never know what it was about.
It was another team, days later, that ended up with the task. Kakashi's reaction was so unexpected that the other gate team told Ko about it without being asked.
The copy-nin had laughed out loud, tucking the paper in his gore-spattered vest before retrieving his bloody rucksack and trudging on with a loud comment to no one in particular: "It's about fuckin' time!"
xxxx
"I want to help you. I personally want to do this. I'm not using you or trying to trick you. This right now, this isn't part of my assignment, okay? So it's all right. Just relax, let this be between the two of us, just one-on-one. All you need to do is be still and let me make you feel better. You're embarrassed and you're hurting inside, don't you think I know it? I won't put it in any report. This will be completely private from start to finish, just between you and me."
Iruka was still holding him off, now in a worse jam than ever. This guy just didn't get it; he wasn't objecting because he felt deceived and it hurt his feelings. To reject him now was to undeniably reject him on a personal level. This could get ugly fast.
But to give in and pretend to be all right with it would ugly things up even more. Then the expectation, the perception, would be that he had been harboring desire for him as a partner, or worse, that he wanted to get involved seriously. Setting up that kind of ongoing, unsavory obligation was a terrible idea; but it was an option he had to consider carefully, as a trade-off for avoiding the unknown consequences of being under a control order.
Damn it, he didn't know which way to go, and his lack of response was being taken as acquiescence. Hide was getting clumsily forceful, thinking that he had found his opening.
Iruka shook him off enough to step away, not an easy task given the slight daze the sudden teleportation left him in.
"What the hell are you doing, Hide? I though you wanted to talk! I thought you were going to explain why this is all my fault!"
"We can talk first, if that's what you want."
Hide caught Iruka's momentary bobble and moved back in, catching him up and moving him swiftly to a chair.
"I don't even know if I'm up to any of this right now. My...my head is really killing me. But I'm trying to listen, because you said you had something you wanted to tell me."
The headache was feigned. He wished like hell that the dazed feeling was a fake, too, because he needed to be sharp when it came to defending against this guy's intrusive conduct. But the ploy seemed to work. The assault shut down as quickly as it has started. That was in no way a sign that he could let down his guard, though. Hide's behavior was completely unpredictable.
Hide perked up, leaving his side and swiftly moving to the kitchen. Iruka's relief that he'd stalled the momentum was short-lived.
"Headache? I can fix that!"
Hide reappeared, a glass of water and a mismatched pair of unfamiliar pills in his hand.
"Thank you. Just set them down, I'll take them in a minute."
Hide hovered, and the split second of hesitation before he did as instructed told Iruka all he needed to know, gut-wise, about the pills. He was not going to be stupid enough to blindly consume anything provided by this clearly desperate operative.
"Hear me out, then. I didn't just get this assignment by chance. I wanted this assignment. I think you must have some idea that I'm the one who helped you when you were on the inside, Iruka. I helped you more than my duty called for. When you were so afraid and disoriented that you couldn't even control your own hands, I held them so you wouldn't hurt yourself. I could have just strapped you down and let you scream until you passed out. That's what the other assistants were doing. But I didn't think it was right. So I took over your care. I took it over from all of them; I went to a lot of effort to make sure you weren't treated like that anymore."
Iruka gripped his forehead, grimacing. He did remember some of that. They were so confusing and unsettling, those memories, and he felt a sharp pang of that horrible lost and falling feeling, of dropping deeper into blinding fear.
"I'm not proud of my position in T&I. I was drafted into it. But working with you gave me the push I needed to get out. Now I'm working the mission desk with you, doing perimeter patrols when you're on restriction...it's so much better. Someone would have been given this assignment anyway, Iruka. Someone who might have done a much worse job, made bad reports about you, maybe getting your freedom to stay in your apartment revoked. I've been on your side every step of the way, always. You must realize I couldn't come out and tell you I was on assignment. I swear it wasn't optional. If I could have, I'd have been up front with you the whole time."
Iruka had no sense that his desperation was contrived – Hide was in great distress. But he couldn't afford to let his guard down out of sympathy.
"That doesn't explain everything." He pulled his shirt closed at the neck primly, shaking his head.
"Physical intimacy is a useful method of bonding. But it wasn't a specification of the assignment, and I didn't decide on it at random. I wanted that bonding with you because I knew that the closer we became, the better I'd be able to help you. You shouldn't rule it out now. It would be beneficial for you. You need something solid to support you when things get confusing and overwhelming. I can be that support. I want that, more than anything. All you have to do...is trust me."
"You just have my best interest at heart. You're a professional."
"Ah...yes, yes of course, but this is more than that. The more we get to know each other..."
"You're not making sense. One minute you're saying it's about you doing your job to the best of your ability. Then the next it's about how you actually care about me. What am I supposed to believe?"
"I want to help you. We do like each other. And I need you, too, in many ways. As much, if not more, than you need me."
"I don't know that I need you at all!" Iruka sniped back, getting frustrated.
Hide's expression grew much colder and his tone now carried a hint of warning.
"I assess your behavior in a report to my superiors every day. Every day. I've been very lenient. I've taken your actions and put them forth in the kindest possible light. I've underplayed those episodes of yours so they think the Hokage's treatment is sufficient to control them. Your last venture into T & I could be the final one if I craft my words appropriately. If it should spin it the other way, if I think you might get out of control, if they get wind that you're prejudiced against me...things won't go so well for you. There are people in high places that don't like to see you roaming around loose. Tight chains make tight security. You could be incarcerated as a danger to yourself and others if you pose a problem. They're already uncomfortable investing the current level of resources just to let a loose end flap free."
Iruka wisely swallowed his resentment and nodded. Like blackmail, but then, not really. What Hide said was probably the truth as he knew it.
"So why do you say you need me?"
Hide frowned; if he exposed his true motives and Iruka still didn't cooperate...this was going to come to a very unfortunate climax. He would be forced to overpower him and erase his memory, risky with someone in Umino's condition. But he would not stop short. He had torn men's minds apart many, many times without the luxury of hesitation or refusal to act. This was a job he could not afford to fail for his own sake.
"This is my first assignment outside of the torture venue. It's most likely my one and only chance to avoid spending every day of the rest of my life butchering human minds under Morino-san's direct control. He did not want to give me this chance. If I fail in the slightest, I'm cursed to return to that duty forever."
Shit. Iruka was not expecting to have a common cause with this man. He felt the sincerity, the reluctance to reveal this layer of truth. His motivations were entirely reasonable, if not his methods.
"Then don't lie to me any more. No more tricks. No more groping or manipulating."
Hide cringed in uncertainty.
"But you understand now. You understand my approach. I'm telling the truth when I say that I like you and that I want to help you."
"And I should trust you."
"Yes. Now that we've got everything out in the open, we should trust each other."
"Then tell me what those pills are."
He had to admit to being more than just a little surprised when Hide looked him directly in the eyes and answered straight up.
"A sedative and a memory disruptive. If you took them, it would be easy for me to step you into hypnosis and make you forget the connection you just made with my identity. Depending on my judgment, I might have made it appear that we had engaged in a little of that physical bonding to explain my presence when you woke up from the trance, and to misdirect your concerns about your memory skip. I'd make it look like you asked me in and one thing led to another. Set out the dregs of drinks and put the majority of our clothes out here on the floor, so that when you came out of the bedroom, the scene would fill itself in nicely."
"I'm almost sorry I asked."
"I'm in control here. I can still do all of those things now if I need to. Then we'd go back to being captive and keeper and I'd still be able to succeed in my mission in that scenario. Or we can work together now to our mutual benefit. But you have to understand that there's nothing you can do against me that will work out well for you. I may get thrown back into my old job if you decide to go screaming that you've figured out what's going on. But fucking me over won't help your cause one bit. You're still going to be under someone's thumb, and whoever it is will still have Moreno-san leaning on them to watch and judge your every move. With the issues you're still experiencing, no one else would think twice about taking the easy way out and locking you up in a controlled environment."
Too much to process. Hide was a frightening combination of surgically sharp skills, underdeveloped personality and social ignorance. It figured that Ibiki's men underwent some sort of castration of their humaneness, else they couldn't do the vile things they did and retain their sanity. If Hide was to be believed, his troubles started when some of his humanity slipped back into place either because of, or just coincidentally during, his experience of caring for Iruka.
But he was excruciatingly right about one thing. Iruka had no feet to lay his troubles in front of, no one in power who would see his treatment as unjust. He could retaliate against Hide but the price could be very, very high, and the return on that investment sure to be nil.
"It's a two-way street, then. We both have something to lose and something to gain. But the relationship has to change. I can't do this if I have to be constantly wondering if you're going to drug me or whatever."
"I won't if it isn't necessary. Haven't I been more than lenient already?"
"And all I have to do is cooperate?"
"We just have to make sure that everything appears to be the same as it was. We'll man the mission desk just like before and I'll walk you home. People have noticed we hit the ramen stand fairly often, so that needs to continue. I'll still need to come over a couple of times a week; you may or may not realize that I'm required to enter and inspect your premises regularly, and up until now I've covered that duty in conjunction with our evening visits. We'll maintain the pattern. You'll look like you haven't got a suspicious bone in your body; I'll keep writing favorable reports. Eventually, I think that you'll be able to calm back down and see that we really have become quite comfortable together. And at any rate, as I get other assignments and you continue to get great evaluative reports, we should see a tapering off of your probation period."
Comfortable was not at all how Iruka would describe it. But he was at a loss for any other course of action. How he wished Kakashi were here to talk to. He would be able to see the situation with more clarity, identify any hidden pitfalls he may be missing in the proposal.
But for now, there wasn't much choice in the matter. He brushed off Hide's hand when it started in on his shoulder, gritting his teeth.
"We're only going to maintain appearances when someone is watching," he frowned. And it wasn't going to cross any lines even when people were watching, or become confusing. A sudden pulse of memory, far too warm and personal, reminded him of the deep sadness that careless pretending could lead to. There were times when the thought of Jeninki's death drove a huge, heavy loneliness over his heart and mind. He'd learned well to guard against forming attachments, even secret ones deep within his bosom, unwisely.
"I'm glad you've seen the logic of my argument." Hide embraced his cooperation as a huge victory. Over, around and through the truth, he managed to convince his affronted charge to play the game on his side. They would work together for mutual benefit, the basis of many successful long-term relationships. Hide would have his preferred assignments, his freedom, and a chance to experiment with personal interaction without the concern that the other person might terminate it prematurely. "We will make sure that Moreno Ibiki is fully satisfied; and in doing so, we will both avoid a great deal of unwanted interference in our personal and professional pursuits."
"Yes. I agree. We should cooperate. So it's settled. Now I'd like to ask you to leave. I need to take some real headache medicine and rest my eyes."
Hide eyed him cautiously, nodding slowly in assent despite a touch of uncertainly at the risk of being deceived. He would much rather have stayed long into the night or even clear through until morning, observing, interacting and testing to make sure the deal was going to stick. But he'd made his point. Iruka now knew he had nothing to gain and everything to lose if he didn't cooperate.
"Sorry you're not feeling well. I can see myself out."
He'll be somewhere nearby to spy on me, Iruka thought as he sealed up the door in silence. In case I was lying and decide to go tell someone. He'd be right there, poised with drugs and hypnosis, to maintain control – for as long as it takes for him to decide that the risk of retaliation has passed.
Ambling into the kitchen to pour the water down the drain just to be safe, Iruka tried to examine his own odd lack of upset. Given the situation, it would be understandable if he were angry, or nervous, maybe even afraid. But he didn't feel any of those things. Tired, and relieved, pretty much summed it up. Reality was seldom pleasant, but knowing the facts felt leagues better that laboring blindly in that not-quite-right situation.
He fetched a new glass and after carefully examining his headache medicine for tampering, went ahead and took two tablets in full view of the window.
It was time to step up and at least match Hide's effort. The fake headache had gained him an evening of solitude. All that tampering with his brain could easily result in an ongoing propensity for headaches and their potential side benefit of solo downtime when they occurred, slowly weaning Hide away despite his obvious determination that they continue to spend lots of time together.
From a resting position, he scraped together his hazily returning knowledge, rusty talent and erratic chakra into what he felt was a pretty decent effort to scan the vicinity for his keeper.
He detected nothing. Which only meant that he still had a long way to go in restoring his skills. It seemed that he recalled catching the Sharingan ninja spying on him more than once. Surely Kakashi's abilities would be on a higher level than this guy's.
He wryly wished that he could detect that particular chakra right now. Funny how the unwelcome became the welcome, and vice versa.
Tomorrow promised to be a very long shift at the mission desk.
xxxx
"That went well," Tsunade sighed, leaning back in her chair with a hand to her forehead.
"It did?" Shizune asked dubiously.
"I was being sarcastic. But I suppose it could have been a whole lot worse."
"Moreno-san left a note for you on my desk on his way out."
"Did he, now? I thought he'd expressed everything ten times over already. My ears are still ringing."
"Lady." She held out the note and waited for the weary hand to receive it. "Shall I bring some tea?"
Tsunade unfolded the paper and shook her head.
"Tea won't be strong enough. Damned meeting-crasher. How did he manage to time it so perfectly?"
"His men keep a good watch and if he has a particular interest in someone's movements, I would think that he would know where they went and when."
"Well...for someone who's always griping about having to stretch his manpower too thin, he certainly doesn't hesitate to use them to his own satisfaction. There's no justification for tailing Kakashi. He been knocking out high-dollar missions in record time, one right after another. Releasing his restriction from seeing Iruka isn't an excessively large reward for that. Certainly not 'short-sighted, ill-advised, ego-pandering' and whatever the hell else he said. He gets more disrespectful every day!"
"He seems very secure in his position."
"Well, that's just the thing. He has me over a barrel and he knows it. More than anyone else, even Kakashi, Moreno Ibiki is likely irreplaceable. You might train someone else to fill the position. But they'd never be as good by half. Ibiki was warped and twisted into the very personification of torture specialist. If I took him out of the job and ordered him locked in a room, he'd probably start pulling the wings off of flies without realizing it. He is his profession. And like it or not, we've come to rely on his supernatural abilities. This village needs him; therefore I need him, and he never lets me forget it."
"He has done a lot of important work for us, m'lady. He works very hard and he's always willing to consult with you even when he knows you'll likely disagree with him."
"Did I imply that I was starting to dislike him? It's not like that at all. Don't worry, Shizune, you don't have to defend him. Our relationship isn't so much rocky as...complicated, that's all." She waved away the notion with a wry look. "He's angry but it's just business. The note was personal. We're still meeting for drinks tonight."
"He doesn't say much, but Kakashi seemed pleased with your decision."
"He was almost as pleased at how much it annoyed Ibiki. Those two are still like oil and water. As complicated as he seems, Kakashi is actually pretty simple. I'd never get a note like this from him."
"Is that a bad thing?"
Tsunade laughed freely at that. Kakashi disliked her so much she had just been thinking how nice it was that he'd left a meeting with her without obviously wanting to throttle her. He'd Chidori the whole village before he'd give her any kind of note that hinted at a personal relationship between the two of them.
"No. I can't believe you'd even have to ask! He's a dog man, Shizune! Tonton would never forgive me!"
And Ibiki's meltdown would be a truly frightening thing to behold.
xxxx
Pakkun sat on the branch and reflected on their task. Watching Hide watching Iruka, while somewhere not far away, another ANBU was watching his master. For a village said to be short on manpower, this was a perfect example of human idiocy.
Not his master's idiocy, though. Their part in this game was more than justified. After all the days the pug had spent silently witnessing all that Iruka had been through while his master was banned from interaction, he sometimes wondered if certain people just gave off a vibe that made other humans sense that hurting them would be fun. When he relayed his observations, it was difficult to watch the play of pain and deep distress in Kakashi's unmasked face, nakedly open and revealing all of the delicate emotional nuances most people habitually masked in their expression.
That was the funny thing about his master. With his mask ever on, his face was free to express everything, unguarded because it was unseen. In those rare moments without it, in the privacy of his home amongst only the ninken, his handsome visage retained that childlike transparency. He was expressive in a way that was remarkably charming and achingly vulnerable.
Pakkun supposed that it was the reason his master wore the mask even when he was home completely alone. The pack would never allow anyone to see their master's face and they were the only layer of protection against the world beside the mask that Kakashi ever considered an acceptable alternative.
"That bastard doesn't know when to give up. I'm going to enjoy educating him on it," Kakashi said in a voice so muted only the dog could pick it up.
Hide had swept in close to the apartment to peer in between the part in the bedroom curtains. He stayed there for some time; Kakashi easily sensed that Iruka, striving for full transparency, freely exhibited his state of repose, calmly settled to sleep in his bed. Maybe Hide thought Iruka was playing possum to shake him. That didn't even make any sense. Shake him – to do what? He had no dark agenda. This level of scrutiny was absurd verging on obsessive, in his opinion.
Kakashi gave his summon a firm pat, and the dog grudgingly responded with a wag of his tail. Tomorrow noon the ban on contact would be lifted, and the anxious nin planned to be at the Mission Room on the dot. They were going to go to lunch together even if he had to leave a clone behind to take Iruka's spot at the desk. Even if the man had eaten already.
Even if Hide tried to interfere. Or Ibiki. Or fuck-ever who, it didn't matter. The Hokage had given him permission and though she'd added many caveats and warned him that others strongly disagreed with her action, it was now his right, like it always fucking should have been, to see the person most important to him.
Iruka had been forced to soldier on alone through all this mess and as of tomorrow that shit was going to stop.
And if the ANBU loitering in the near distance behind him, not really concerned about masking his presence, hoped to get a change in scene tonight, he was going to be sorely disappoint.
Dynamite couldn't blow him out of this tree so long as it afforded this view of the situation, exactly the allowed distance away to comply with the last few hours of restriction.
"He's going to..." Kakashi started and then stopped, because he and Pak had started the same sentence at the same time.
"...be all right," Pak snorted as he finished their statement, amused at their singleness of mind.
TBC