Rosewood, May 2011
After the breakdown she had in front of her sister Melissa, Spencer decided to take some time to gather her thoughts and brace herself, emotionally at least. Not that confronting Toby and breaking up with him was going to be any less difficult, but it was something she had to do. In her heart she knew this much. That is why she was sitting in front of him at The Brew that afternoon, explaining to the boy what she had come to realize in the past few days.
"… So you're saying that this whole time we were together, you were in… you never really felt anything for me?" Toby asked, hurt evident in his voice and in his eyes. He didn't want to think that Spencer had only played with him. Despite being extremely vulnerable at the moment, he was still holding fiercely her gaze, waiting for an explanation; the fact that there wasn't any trace of malice in those crystal eyes struck her but only to an extent. Maybe he was trying to read the truth in her own eyes. But she knew that wasn't the case. Toby Cavanaugh was just like that, the best guy and one of the most transparent person she knew, and because of his genuine nature he wasn't afraid of confrontations. He would always look straight into your soul, and you couldn't help but be honest with him in return. Besides, she owed him that much.
"No, no. I… You have no idea how much you mean to me!" Spencer replied hastily; "I didn't know I felt this until a few days ago, and then when I realized I was just… well, 'overwhelmed' would be an understatement. I didn't know what to do. I never wanted to hurt you or anyone else, and that's exactly why I can't ignore this anymore and keep lying to you, or myself for that matter. But I loved you, Tobes. I still do, just…"
"Just not in that way" her by now ex-boyfriend concluded for her.
"... Yeah" Spencer averted her eyes. "I know this sounds extremely lame but is there a possibility we could stay friends? I really care about you. But I understand if you don't want to…"
"Spence! Hey, look at me" he waited until she did so; "I think I need some time, but I don't want to lose you either" Toby smiled softly. "I want to be in your life, and I want you to be in mine".
In an instant he had the lanky brunette wrap him in a warm, soothing embrace.
"Sorry" Spencer said pulling away, once she realized that maybe it was too soon to hug like that after they literally just broke up.
"Don't" the boy only tightened his grip. "Please, don't apologize for something like this" he whispered.
"Okay…" she rested her wet cheek on his shoulder. At some point silent tears started to run down her face, it couldn't be helped.
"Spence, you don't have to feel guilty about anything. I can't say I fully understand, and I won't say it's easy, for either of us, but… It'll be fine. We'll be fine. You just be happy, that's all I want" Toby said, rubbing her back gently. He felt her nodding against his chest and he knew she was going to be fine.
"You too" she said softly, leaning up and kissing his cheek.
Then they both slowly let go of one another.
"I should go now, I promised the girls I'd help them study for the SAT and I have to babysit Hanna's little cousin later" Spencer said hesitantly.
"Oh, sure. Well then, see you around" Toby smiled reassuringly. It wasn't a question.
"I'll hold you to that" Spencer winked. Then they walked out of the Brew and they parted ways with one last hug, both feeling confident that they wouldn't be strangers to each other.
Twenty minutes later Spencer was standing on the Marin's porch, waiting for someone to come and open the door. She nearly found herself tackled to the ground when a small but lively little girl threw herself on her.
"Spencey!" Hanna's little cousin yelled ecstatic. During her stay at Hanna's place, she had spent a lot of time with her friends and she had grown especially attached to the lanky brunette.
"Easy there, bug" Spencer laughed, easily picking up the little blonde. She silently thanked her coach for all the extra training sessions he made her endure.
The inseparable duo made their way upstairs and into Hanna's bedroom, where was the blonde sprawled on the bed with Aria and Emily, books and notes scattered everywhere. They looked up and cooed at the sight of Spencer holding the little girl.
"They are so messy" Grace commented with a frown; one that matched perfectly Spencer's own one.
"Indeed, they are" the lanky brunette sighed, and a moment later a second, exaggerated sigh was heard.
"Okay, you two are spending too much time together"
"You're rubbing off on the poor thing"
"You two are scary" The other three girls in the room exclaimed in unison, their big goofy smiles from earlier replaced by scowls.
"Hey, it's not my fault if this little cutie here is way more mature and well-mannered than all of you put together" Spencer stated smiling proudly at the little girl, as if it was her doing.
Grace giggled delighted at being praised by her heroine and they high-fived each other.
Hanna was about to rebut but then she thought better and shut her mouth. Emily and Aria exchanged a look and shrugged – there wasn't much to say. In a way Spencer was right; besides, they were already preoccupied with some serious studying, there wasn't much time to lose yet another argument with their brunette friend and her minion.
"Sweetie pie, why don't you come with me downstairs so that we let these girls study? I'll make you a snack" Mrs. Regina Marin appeared at the door and asked to her youngest niece.
"Can't I stay here with Spencey? I'll be good" she swore solemnly.
"Hey pumpkin, go eat something and rest a bit. We have a sleepover tonight, remember? Aria and I will stay with you the whole time" Spencer interjected, seeing the exasperation on the older woman face. She loved her nieces to death, but sometimes they were so stubborn…
"Mmkay…" Luckily the brunette managed to persuade her without too much effort. "See you later Spencey" the little girl said, taking her grandma's hand.
"Yeah, see ya later and thank you so much for your consideration" Hanna complained.
Grace turned around and smirked, before sticking out her tongue to her cousin. Then she bolted out.
"Mature and well-mannered my ass" the blonde grumbled, throwing a pillow at Spencer.
"She's six Hanna. Move on" she tried to change subject; "So, where did you were when I got here?" She asked, pointing to a bunch of books on her friend's lap.
"Math" Emily answered ruefully.
"Okay, let's see what we have here…"
[ a few hours later ]
Aria was at the sink washing the dishes while Spencer was upstairs with Grace on bedtime duties. The two had graciously accepted to watch over the little girl for the night, since Hanna and her grandmother had to go to Tom's wedding rehearsal dinner – Isobel had expressly banned the presence of children from the event – , while Ashley was out of town on a business trip.
Grace had been all too happy at the prospect to spend the night with her new two favorite people.
She was a bright little girl, incredibly smart and sweet but also extremely shy. She resembled a lot Hanna, both physically and in character, at least when her older cousin was her age. But she had a lot in common with Spencer, too. They had also a similar upbringing, with Grace's parents being two very busy surgeons, with little if no time at all for their lovely daughter. Maybe that was why the two of them clicked right away the first time they met; now Grace simply adored Spencer and looked up to her a lot. Everyone was fascinated by their interactions: it was like the two of them had known each other forever. They were just so adorable together, and Hanna may or may not have fantasized from time to time about a future in which she and Spencer would have a daughter just like Grace. One can dream, right? Even Spencer thought about something like that once or twice. But in the meantime…
"Are you okay in there?"
"Yep, all done" the little girl emerged from the bathroom and gave Spencer a bright smile. "Can we watch 'How to Train Your Dragon'?" she asked excitedly, jumping up and down.
"Of course we can. Let's go call Aria!" Spencer said taking her hand and leading her downstairs.
They put on the movie and snuggled together on the couch. Not even half an hour later Grace was sound asleep on Spencer's lap. The brunette was absentmindedly running her fingers through soft blonde tresses while watching the child sleep. Aria stared intently at the pair, completely charmed.
"You're a big softie under that tough exterior, you know?" The smaller brunette smiled sweetly.
"Yeah, but don't spread the word" Spencer let out a weak chuckle. All day there was something off about her.
"Want to tell me what happened?" Of course, Aria noticed.
After a short debate with herself, Spencer decided that she wanted to tell her best friend what was going on. A part of it, at least.
"I broke up with Toby earlier" she explained; "and before you ask: yes, it was me. No, he didn't do anything bad. Yes, I will be okay. Actually, he took it a lot better than I expected"
"Wow, I don't know what to say. I thought you guys were doing great…"
"We did, it's just…" Spencer huffed, then turn her head to look at Aria properly; "it's just that I realized I have feelings for someone else. I had for a while" she averted her eyes.
"Oh no! Spencer, I'm flattered, really, and I know we're team Sparia and all but I love you only as a friend…"
"WHAT? No no no, look you have it all wrong! Oh gosh no" Spencer was freaking out. And that was it, Aria couldn't hold back anymore and started laughing. Hard.
"Jeez, I'm kidding Spence! Relax" the small brunette managed to say through laughs. "And what's with the freaking out? I'm a little offended here" she joked once her friend had sufficiently calmed down.
"You little…" Spencer reached out with one hand and started to tickle Aria's side.
They halted their movements and turned quiet when Grace mumbled something in her slumber.
"So what are you going to do? You'll tell her, right?" Aria asked in a hushed tone.
"Yeah, I don't know yet…" Spencer began, then "wait, how do you… I didn't tell you it was a 'she'"
"Oh please Spence, remind me again: how long is it that we know each other?" Aria smirked. "Besides, I have a much better gaydar than Em" she asserted proudly.
"Oh God" the young Hastings groaned, her face hidden behind her hands.
"There, there!" Aria soothed, draping an arm around her shoulders. "For what it's worth it, I think you and Hanna would be sooo cute together"
"Really?" Spencer's head shot up at Aria's words.
"Yeah, you big dork" her very best friend replied, smiling affectionately.
"Thank you, Ar! It means a lot to me that you're okay with this" she engulfed said best friend in a tight hug.
"Of course" Aria squeezed her arm. "Now, should we wake this little one?" she asked pointing at Grace, who was still resting draped all over Spencer's thighs.
"Nah, let her be for now. When the movie's over I'll carry her upstairs. I promised to read her something before she went to bed anyway"
" 'kay" Aria shrugged. "You know that she has you wrapped around her little finger, right?"
"… Whatever" Spencer grumbled, tenderly stroking the little angel's forehead.
It was around eleven when a still slightly drunk Hanna and her grandma came back from the dinner, only to find a passed out Aria stretched onto the couch in the living room, barely illuminated by the TV that was left on. Hanna shook her head at the sight and made her way upstairs to her bedroom. She stopped in her tracks when she heard Spencer's voice.
The door of the guest room was left ajar and she leaned against it, taking a peek inside. It was wrong spying on them, but she was just so enthralled by what she was witnessing; 'They're so adorable. And she's so sweet… this is the Spencer I know. She can't be the same person Kate described me tonight'
"Another one, pwease Spencey" the little, slumbered girl slurred.
"You sure love poetry, uh? Are you sure you and Hanna are really related?" Spencer sighed; "Okay, but then that's it. You're already sleepy enough"
"Yaayy" Grace clapped her little hands.
"Okay, so… ahem" the brunette cleared her throat before she started to recite; "'The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, Whose charms were broken if revealed.' That one is from 'Jane Eyre' by Charlotte Bronte" she looked up and saw that her one-person audience has finally succumbed to sleep; "but it doesn't matter now. Good night, sweetheart" she kissed her forehead and adjusted the sheets. Then when she turned around to leave she finally noticed Hanna standing on the threshold.
"Oh, you're here, I didn't see you. How did it go?" the brunette inquired.
All she received from her blonde friend was a blank stare. Hanna was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice Spencer approaching her.
'Tell your dear friend to stay the fuck away from me. And if I were in you, I would stay away from her too. I bet she didn't tell you anything about this, uh?' Kate's words from earlier kept echoing loudly in her head.
'When we were at that camp she was a total freak. She spent the summer getting wasted and hookin' up with this girl, Lauren, and then they started to hang out with a bunch of other junkies like them. That was until her fuck buddy nearly died. I really don't understand how she could be so shameless, lecturing me after all the filthy things I've heard about her'.
"Han, are you okay? Did you hear me?" Spencer asked truly concerned. She gripped the blonde's shoulders tightly, but not as much as to hurt her, shaking her gently. "Hey, say something! You're scaring me"
Hanna finally looked up, and for a moment everything was still. Then, on an impulse she leaned up and attached her lips to Spencer's in a desperate kiss.
She didn't know what came to her, if it was the vodka Kate made her swallow or if it was because of what her stepsister had told her that night; or, then again, if it was because of those mesmerizing chocolate eyes that were gazing at her, worried and confused. Or maybe if it was the pent-up frustration of years of yearning for the brunette in front of her. For all she knew, it was a mix of all of that and so much more. But Spencer was kissing her back, now, and that was all that mattered.
Spencer was kissing her back, now, and it was beautiful and sensual and unbridled and wet and… wait. It was not supposed to happen like this. Their first kiss was not at all supposed to be like this.
She was angry, drunk, upset. And Spencer was just plainly confused.
In that kiss there wasn't any trace of what she had searched for all this years, of the one thing she always wanted from the brunette the most. So she pulled away.
"Han… what?" Spencer was at a loss of everything. Breath, words. Thoughts.
"I…; I…" Hanna wasn't doing any better. She had so much on her mind, so much to say, and yet she couldn't find the words. She didn't trust herself to take any action either, after what she had just done.
"Oh, here you are!" Mrs. Marin appeared in the hallway. Blessed distraction. "Spencer, sweetie, thank you so much for your help tonight" the woman smiled kindly. "I hope Gracie wasn't too much to handle"
"Oh no, no, don't worry, she was an angel. She's such a good girl" Spencer smiled back. She was feigning a calm she didn't have in the slightest.
"Excellent! That girl absolutely adores you" Regina said. "Well then, I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked unnecessarily.
"Uh?"
"I said I'll see you tomorrow, at the wedding. Do you remember you're all invited, right?"
"Oh, ahem yeah… yes, of course" Spencer stuttered. So maybe she wasn't doing a fine job hiding her nervousness. "Good night then" she said, gazing Hanna's way without actually meeting the blonde's eyes.
"Good night" the older woman replied airily, but Spencer swore she heard Hanna's whispered voice too. Well, it was better than nothing. But they had to talk about what just happened minutes ago. Something shifted between them, but she couldn't be sure of anything right now.
With these thoughts running in her head, she met Aria outside, waiting for her at the car, and silently drove home.
That night both Spencer and Hanna went to bed with heavy hearts. Neither of them knew at the moment what was bound to happen, tomorrow…
A/N: Here another chapter! I'm sorry for the delay, this week has been crazy. However, I hope you'll enjoy it! Same old story: let me know what you think if you feel like it ;) and thank you so much for reading, following, reviewing, favoriting (is that even a word? Sorry, it's 5 A.M. here and I'm going to fall asleep on the keyboard :D)
Next chapter well… I don't want to spoiler so I'll just say SPANNAAAAAAA (ooops, I said too much)