Chapter Seven
Honey, I shrunk the Freelancers.
Way back when…
C.T. left my room with a wink as Wash made his way in and it took all I humanly had to suppress the sigh that was awaiting escape in my chest.
"What was that about?" Wash asked, positively clueless.
"None yah." I answered, trying to appear as innocent as possible. He yanked his helmet off and made himself comfortable in the chair C.T. was just sitting in. "You need to talk?" I asked genuinely confused.
"A little." He sighed. I readjusted myself and went for the recorder designated for him. He put his hand up.
"Gotta be fucking kidding me...how many times can I break protocol in one day?" my knee jerk reaction got the better of me and betrayed my confusion.
"Let's just keep this chat between...you and me?" He asked softly.
"Ok, but we have to make it quick, Price will have my head if I don't have some of this work he's assigned me done...What's up Wash?" I asked. He shook his head and sighed.
"The leader boards." He answered. I nodded and motioned for him to continue. "I haven't been doing well and it's just frustrating. Despite asking for York's help training, and training extra I feel like I still have a really long way to go." Wash started.
"I've seen your progress, you have gotten better though." I encouraged, wondering why this needed to stay off the recorder.
"Yeah, but it's just..." He started. "Carolina." My heart sank a little bit.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean, she always tops the charts, she runs our missions with expert leadership, in the training room she always breaks records…" He prattled on. I began to just nod and tune in only to parts I would really need to reply to. "It's just difficult, you know to try and feel like you're getting anywhere when all she does is this amazing work and constantly feeling like you're a burden." he sighed. I ran a hand through my hair and yanked my ponytail out. God it felt awesome to have my scalp feel free again.
"I get what you mean. Are you afraid that you sound insubordinate if this was recorded? Or that you feel compromised speaking about it?" I asked, because I couldn't keep up the protocol breaking much longer. Eventually Price would catch onto me, and I didn't feel like ruining my chances for anything after this project was complete, even for Wash.
"Kinda. I just don't want to sound as crazy as C.T. when I talk about how it feels like Carolina gets this awesome special treatment, as well as Tex. It just seems off that no matter how much progress any of us can make, it is always out-shinned." Wash added.
"So then the praise you were just exhibiting to Carolina was not of admiration, but of envy?" I asked, trying not to project my own feelings into the question.
"More like confusion." Wash answered. I nodded, not telegraphing my relief.
"Confusion on the varying treatment we all receive?" I specified.
"Yeah, essentially." he picked up his helmet.
"You're fine to continue talking Washington." I said.
"I know Price has you up to your eye-balls in paperwork and studies. I don't wanna be a bother…" Wash answered. I sighed.
"In all honesty I'd rather be talking with you about anything but what I have to read or organize for Price at this moment. Today has been just a bit trying." I recounted class and C.T.'s conversation and drive of classified information before Wash arrived. He was more a breath of fresh air since he didn't take an extremist view like C.T.. I guess I could rationalize this conversation without Price knowing on the records because it felt less and less like we work together and more like we were friends just chatting.
I could stay used to this.
"Besides, I could use some down time." I said rubbing my eyes.
"What's up with you?" He asked. "You just seem exhausted."
"I mean, between dealing with everyone in class time, barely getting any time, if any in the field, extra time in the training room, and last but certainly not least being Price's lackey, I am tired." I unloaded for the first time in a long time. When you're everyone's go to for talking it out, you tend to get left behind in the process.
"Yeah I can see that. How's your foot been since Maine fell on it?" Wash asked. I shrugged.
"I forget. Occasionally it hurts but I tend to ignore it." I answered. "Gotta push through the pain right?" I chuckled.
"Yeah I'd imagine nothing would be the same after Maine damages it. You haven't gone to the infirmary again for it?" he asked.
"No I haven't seen a need. Hasn't screwed me yet so, whatever." I laughed nervously starting to remember a few trips to the training room alone on days it was particularly bad.
"Uh huh. Let me see it." Wash said. "Something tells me you're trying to hide how bad it probably is."
"You insinuating I am lying?" I scoffed. "Psh. What do you take me for? Some degenerate with no respect for social cohes-ion!" I sarcastically started to be non-compliant until Wash yanked me by my good foot off of my perch on my bed. "Ouch! Warn someone before you just usurp them like that!" I flinched and tried to laugh it off. Wash wrestled the foot piece of my armor off and showed my very discolored foot. Bruising still hadn't gone away
"Damn that looks very painful. What do you mean you ignore this?!" Wash asked. I sighed.
"What else am I gonna do? 'Oh no sorry I can't participate in training today, Maine broke my foot like 2 weeks ago or so. Oh you want me on more organizing duty and move me further back on fieldwork. Okaaaay." I mocked as I crossed my arms. Washington sighed and shook his head.
"I mean...the more you do to it the more time its gonna take to get better."
"Don't patronize me." I responded.
"I'm not! Am I not allowed to care?" Wash said.
"You are. Just not more than others I suppose." I replied with some snark.
"Oh? Why's that?" He asked seemingly interested in my answer. Which I realized I didn't exactly have.
"'Cause God-forbid we get close to one another and something happen out in the field against insurrectionists, or you know something more fatal than a broken foot happens in training? When you care about others too much and something happens to them, it hurts you, and in this lifestyle that's just dangerous." I managed to muster enough courage to give that answer.
"I'm guessing someone you've cared about has gotten very hurt before." Wash said softly. He locked eyes with me and I attempted to hide it for as long as possible. I finally heaved a sigh.
"My brother." I croaked. I cleared my throat and sat up with my back against my bed. I glanced over at my recorders filled with conversations with the other Freelancers, and I thought about what I was about to divulge about myself. I've successfully helped some of my fellow Freelancers in my pseudo-shrink sessions, but I haven't been able to totally move on from my own demons.
"What happened to him? If you don't mind me asking..." He asked maneuvering next to me. I still didn't look at him quite yet. I didn't think I could meet someone's eyes trying to talk about my family issues.
"Nothing special. He just tried to follow in our dad's footsteps and got himself killed in the Great War." I looked down and finally away from my stupid pile of responsibilities. "A very honorable death. Jumped in the way of enemy fire protecting civilians. I should feel pride about his sacrifice, and I do, but I do feel hurt too that he didn't think about how me, or my parents would feel without him. It's selfish but I can't help it." I didn't notice I was crying until Wash's finger had wiped one tear off my cheek. I looked up in surprise. "I'm sorry Wash I didn't mean t-" I was interrupted by him leaning in and kissing me. It took me longer than I cared to admit to fully take in what was going on and return that kiss. He broke it off and pulled away.
"I'm sorry if that uh, seemed...uncalled for but I had wanted to do that for so long and you seemed like you needed some kind of comforting and I just didn't have the words-" I kissed him this time. I couldn't think of a better way to get him to stop apologizing for nothing. He wrapped his arms around me as we kissed and it was the first time I truly felt wanted at Project Freelancer. Despite Price's demands and praises, some of York's encouragement during training, in this moment the concerns I felt about not making numbers and feeling behind on my paperwork melted away and all I could feel was happy.
For once in a very long time, I felt happy. I was content to not let it go.
I had gotten very caught up in life and this semester with school has been more stressful than I possibly imagined. I am sorry! I'm going to try to be more up to date from this point on!
Hope you enjoyed this chapter!