Iruka hesitated. It would still be more than a week before there was any chance that Kakashi would be released. Was it smart to come here right now? Small flags with ANBU symbols were fluttering by the steps, but they were mere advisories and monitoring in nature, not designed to keep anyone out. They'd already done their search of the property, as they had at Iruka's. So he saw it as a positive sign. If they'd found anything incriminating, this place would be sealed from entry.
Claws clicked and a gruff sigh announced Kakashi's own monitoring system, rousted from his well-worn spot on the porch.
"Pakkun!"
"Yo, sensei," Pakkun returned, slightly wary in case this meant more bad news for his master.
"Um...Kakashi said he thought I should come by even if he wasn't home."
"I'm aware. He tells me who's allowed. Wouldn't make sense if he didn't."
Iruka blushed at the casual way the dog was talking down to him.
Though he had to admit, he deserved it for making such lame, nervous small talk instead of moving ahead with his business.
"Any new seals I should know about?"
"From the ANBU? No. So you won't have a problem. Boss wants you to be able to come and go as you please."
"Mm."
Pakkun waited, shifting expectantly. The human was just staring at the door now. He plopped down on his butt hard, unable to suppress his impatience.
"Are you not going in?"
"Oh! I am, I think, just...now that I'm here...I don't have much of an excuse to visit an empty house."
"He wants you to be here. Why would you need an excuse?"
Iruka nodded. The dog's answer confirmed that if he went inside, it was going to seen as a personal statement of some kind. He gathered his resolve and made the appropriate handsigns, finishing by pressing the flat of his thumb to the slight depression in the door.
The hinges made a faint creak and revealed the tidy entrance hall, a soft light glowing in the living room ahead. A warm, clean scent, faint and familiar, greeted his first step inside. It was like he was just returning home after a workout, back when he stayed here under Kakashi's watchful eye. Only Kakashi was not at his elbow, as he would have been then, tasked with keeping him in sight.
The space for his sandals was still there, as if it were reserved for him. Well, he assumed it was something like that. Kakashi was considerate about that sort of thing, and very good with details. He had invited Iruka to come stay, after all. If he thought his offer would be accepted, he'd be prepared in every way. Iruka told himself it was logical and practical, mere common sense, but in his heart he couldn't help but think of it as a kindly gesture, made in consideration and caring.
Pakkun followed his slow journey through the kitchen as he checked Mr. Ukki's soil and made sure there was nothing rotting in the fridge. His hand lingered at the well-used cutting board. He'd been such an ass the whole time he was here, and Kakashi had made every effort to be kind. He should have embraced the time they spent together working out, cooking, cleaning...but instead, he was bitter at the limitations and full of his own selfish ego. It was cruel. It must have seemed to Kakashi that Iruka valued him for hard sex and his reputation for violence and wasn't interested in anything else. That he had lost interest in meeting him on a human level. Sure, once he moved back out, their interactions normalized somewhat, but...they never actually patched things up at all. This time together hurt them in ways that never quite healed.
He pushed open the door to check out the room he'd stayed in. Refreshed and ready with new bedding, plumped pillows, and that gloriously comfortable robe he always stole when he stayed here, it was all laid out for him.
Pakkun trotted past in the hall and called out to get his attention. He followed the pug's voice and found him jumping up on Kakashi's bed expectantly.
"Why were you standing around in that room?" the dog asked. "This is the one that smells like him."
"Ah..." Iruka was at a loss.
"That's why you're here, isn't it? Because this is his territory? Well, this is the spot where his mark is strongest. If you want to get the feeling of being close to him when he isn't here, this is where you should be."
"I'm not a dog or a dog jounin," Iruka said apologetically. "Scents aren't really a thing for me."
"They are for him," Pakkun replied. "If you're not coming back, at least sit here for a few minutes so you leave evidence that you were here."
"He'd be okay with that?"
"I'm gonna be straight with you. What he'd really like is for you to be here in person. But he lives with what he gets, and the smallest things seem to mean the most when he can't get what he wants. A trace is better than nothing."
"Does he know you're telling me this?"
"Well...no...I mean, how would he know? But this isn't a secret, I don't go behind his back. It's the truth, and he trusts you, so I'm not afraid to tell you. Ah, forget it. I shouldn't get involved."
"Sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything."
"So, sit?" Pakkun urged, patting a paw innocently, trying to get Iruka's scent on the bed by hook or by crook.
"Just for a minute." Iruka sat on the powerfully nostalgic quilt, trying to process the rush of memories and push down the clutch of worry.
"Good boy," Pakkun said.
"Wait. Did...did a dog just get me to sit on command?"
"Bingo," the pug chuckled. "Can't wait to tell the boss about this one."
Iruka's smiled, but the light moment faded quickly, remembering that the boss wouldn't be hearing about it for quite a while.
Pakkun seemed to fold into himself, too, his mood darkening as well.
"They're hurting him a lot worse than he expected," the dog said with a heavy sigh.
"You can tell?"
"I sense his chakra health. Like a faint echo. And I have a way of checking on him without being detected. At least, I did. I only saw him once. When I went to see what was happening Kakashi outed me and told me to stay away. Something about tripping a clone sensor if I wasn't careful."
"Is he all right?"
"He's holding up so far, but what I saw was really ugly. And he hasn't done anything to deserve it."
"I wish there was something I could do."
"Wait and worry and water the plant. Just like me, now that I've been shut out."
Iruka's eyes drifted around the orderly, utilitarian bedroom, glad the dog had been providing distraction. When silence fell, Kakashi's absence felt ominous here in his sanctuary. He should be home, safe and sound. But this wasn't a new experience. Iruka remembered all too well how it felt when Kakashi ran late coming back from a mission and the days stretched into weeks without a word. The heart-pounding times when he was overdue and the emergency call went out for backup, or the times when the wait ended with the rumor of casualties coming in to the infirmary. It was almost too much, back in his chunin days. He understood it better now, having lived it firsthand. But then, it had been pure hell.
When his thoughts turned to Hide and the emotions his murder evoked, he let guilt evict him from the bedroom and made his way back down the hall. Coming here was not as settling as he'd hoped.
The pug remained on the bed, resting. That was good. Iruka dropped into Kakashi's favorite chair and scrubbed his face with his hands. Having Pakkun for company was okay, but it was distracting. He'd come here to think and get some perspective.
And now his thoughts were of Hide, and it seemed traitorous to mull them over in Kakashi's bedroom, though why his chair was less of a sin, he couldn't say. If it wasn't for Iruka's refusal to listen to Kakashi and revile Hide as their adversary, this situation would be entirely difference. The wrong man was paying for his weak will and faithlessness.
Tossing and turning last night, he managed to get his feelings about Hide to be a little less muddy. It was hard not to miss him, to mourn him, to clutch at his chest in pain when imagining vivid details of the terrifying final moments that he must have experienced. He didn't deserve to die; stupid and obvious as that cliché might be, Iruka had it running through his head from the moment he heard that the worst was true.
Hide exhibited unprofessional, inappropriate feelings and made advances using his official status as a way to force Iruka into silence. He overused his influence to spread poison into Iruka's personal life to eliminate his rivals and box his subject into dependency. The attachment was engineered, manipulated, carefully planned; part assignment and part self-indulgence. Kakashi had been warning him all along.
It had been sketchy and hard to absorb at the time. Now, clear of Hide's control and looking back, it was plain to see. All of the copy nin's warnings were true. His fear and suspicion of Kakashi during that time was totally absurd and it was mortifying to realize how effective Hide's methods were on him.
But Iruka was convinced that the Hide he was mourning was not the crafty operative who invaded his life, but the sad, lonely, desperate man, long-groomed in horrific methods of behavior manipulation, that was trying to break free of his role. Under all of the shady behavior, he struggled to be something else, something more. He acted blindly and childishly on his personal impulses, forging ahead without the experience or emotional maturity to know how to meet his own needs. And in spite of his underhanded methods, aside from his manipulations, Iruka felt they'd formed a connection. His affection and sympathy felt different, genuine, sincere.
The warmth of his touch never seemed like part of the lies; there was too much desperation and sadness, so much desolation and loneliness. At his core Hide was drowning in a lifetime of unmet needs, and he was reaching out to the only person he'd ever dared to hope might show him how it could be different. Iruka never had been able to cast off a friend or lover completely, no matter how awful they were otherwise. Maybe Hide was just using him. Maybe that bit of chemistry, his gentle side, was another part of the show. He'd never really know, since there wouldn't be any further evidence to disprove his belief, but as of now, he was still convinced.
But he didn't fall for Hide. It wasn't like that. Falling had occurred only twice in his life; only once as an adult; and in both of those times he had fallen very, very hard, and never fully recovered.
He stroked the gently worn cloth of the arm of the chair, struck with a memory from long ago when that first and only fall as an adult was fresh and in full swing. Kakashi liked to come up behind him and cover his hand with his own and press down, lacing their fingers together affectionately while he rested his chin on Iruka's shoulder and encouraged him to lean back against him. Slightly longer, the pale fingers fit as if they were made for that purpose when Iruka squeezed them back in heartfelt response.
His knuckles whitened in the ache of the memory, but this grip only served to dig his nails into his own pointedly empty palm. A chill settled on his shoulders for wont of the firm torso that had been his favorite backrest. Before it could escalate, he shook off that line of thought, clasping his hands together to stop his nails from drawing blood.
The wood of the side table next to the chair looked genuinely distressed. A generous assortment of angular and narrow wounds scarred the surface, unmistakably the work of sharp weapons embedded with force. The depth of some spoke of furious impact; the angle of entry exposed the chair's past occupant as the culprit for the lot. It wasn't even the same table that used to be here; but for the damage, it looked to be fairly new.
He didn't need this physical evidence to remind him that Kakashi was still a private man with many, many demons. He supposed that seeing this would have been intimidating to his old chunin self. But now, it posed some guilty questions about his own motives in coming here. Was this visit, this urge to accept his invitation, born from his tendency to run to Kakashi for protection when the going got rough? Although his glimpse inside Kakashi's hard head showed him just how willing the copy-nin was to embrace that role, it was inexcusable to lead him on, to show up and become yet another burden just because he couldn't manage his own life. Kakashi was looking for so much more than just being used while at the same time scarcely daring to hope for it. Iruka used to feel that way, so he knew how rough that road could be.
He had to give himself an ultimatum, because he knew that Kakashi would not, that he would sooner play the martyr than take the risk of driving him away.
It was high time for the moment of truth. Kakashi had already put his neck out there and made his position clear. So. What would it be? No more walking the line, hedging the question, taking without committing to giving in kind. In or out. Come back and do this for the right reasons, or end it with a clean break. No good would come of it otherwise.
That was his take-away as he mourned last night. Hide's proclamation that he would always be welcoming and waiting to support him when Iruka was ready to return to him had fallen to ash. Iruka had greedily clutched that promise to his breast, even as he scoffed at the possibility right in Hide's face. It meant he had a fall-back. A safety net against being completely rejected and alone. He did not plan to use it in a cold, calculating way. But he relied on it like an invisible crutch, and it had been enough to shore up his courage. Hide wasn't the only one capable of using people's honest feelings for his own selfish means.
Kakashi was not a backstop, or a maybe, or just on hold to see if there was something more suitable. Their history and their relationship ran far deeper than that. And bottom line, he deserved better than to be thought of in that way.
The frazzled sensei saw the only bright lining to this unbearable situation – that it gave him more than a week at minimum to analyze his feelings before he had to face Kakashi in person. If he chose to end this, he had to do it right. Whatever path he chose, it was important to get it straight in his head and be clear. Kakashi deserved that much at least.
Maybe he was wrong, but despite the fact that he probably deserved to be shunned for all the trouble he'd caused, he felt deep down that Kakashi's commitment to him was too loyal and dogged to be broken by outside influence.
Iruka was determined to come to his own clean, clear decision in honor of that unswerving commitment.
xxxx
Sai stared at the sky and shifted his supplies restlessly. He couldn't remember a time when the urge to wield his brush and ink ran so dry. Art, his only permitted semi-personal desire, was a cold and unwilling partner today. He wondered if he would even be able to generate his beast scroll manifestations properly right now. He'd heard of artists having off days when they claimed they couldn't so much as draw a circle. For the first time in his life, he knew what that felt like.
Word of the murders spread fast, and it was the subject of much speculation and outrage amount the troops. He couldn't really recall people using that term before among ninja. There were terminations, executions, assassinations...all part of the program, just another day's work in the constant turmoil of the job.
So why this was so clearly defined as murder by everyone who spoke of it, he couldn't say, but the impact was heavy when he thought of the term in relation to his own involvement.
He'd made it happen. If he hadn't been there, Lord Danzou and Hidata Jeninki would never have succeeded. Not only that, but given the Uzingan user's erratic behavior, they likely would have both ended up busted and in custody for their failed attempt. Any impartial observer would judge that outcome as the best thing that could possibly happen for the well-being of the Leaf's protective infrastructure.
The impact of his participation was huge. Lord Danzou now had a freer hand. Innocent men were being subjected to torture under false suspicion. Two men were permanently plucked from their lives and forced into an unnatural world of endless, bodiless limbo. And Jeninki was...Sai still couldn't grasp what, exactly, that enigmatic being was all about, but he was clearly pleased with the outcome. He ended up exactly where and how he wanted to be, and he appeared to be bursting with energy for contemplating future plans unknown.
Jeninki had bargained with his master in an attempt to keep Sai as his assistant and companion. Lord Danzou had refused without hesitation and a brief but unpleasant argument ensued. This threw Sai off-balance as well. Jeninki, now sane and restored, was clearly the more powerful of the two, and he seemed less than accepting of the refusal. His expression was not one of someone who had been convinced to give up, it was more like he simply set the issue aside for the moment.
Oath or not, Sai's whole life was dedicated to serving Lord Danzou. It was a relief that the request had been denied so vehemently. It meant that his service was seen as adequate by his master, and that his dedication had not been in vain.
But taking solace in that vote of confidence ran totally contrary to his budding urge to break free.
It was too late to go back to that single-minded, uncomplicated role of emotionless Root operative. Damn Naruto and his world, his righteous way of ninja, his ridiculous magnetism and warmth. All it did was generate pain and uncertainty. Trapped by the oath, this new sense of conscience was a poison that ate at him daily now.
A poison amplified by the shadow of the crimes he had just committed in the name of his master.
He sat abruptly and pulled out his sketchbook, twirling his pen into position and placing the tip on the first blank, white page.
It didn't work.
The images just weren't there.
In the end, he couldn't even bring himself to write his name.
The empty page stared back until he closed the cover in surrender.
He kept coming back to the same, unavoidable answer.
His station in life no longer worked for him; but the odds were overwhelming against ever finding a way out alive.
He would have to continue to perform, submit, obey and maintain no matter what the next orders might be. His master held all of the strings, and he had no way to cut them on his own, or even seek help.
Given his potential to do even greater evil, for the first time he began to question his own right to continue to exist.
What an unpleasant day. He thought keeping to himself for a while would be settling, but instead it fostered his troubled mindset all the more.
xxxx
"You can stop this any time. It's easy. It's the right thing to do. All you have to do is tell me how you did it."
Kakashi was pushing his head back into the headrest so hard his scalp was going numb; but the drill moved with him and whirred up against his forehead ominously, the shrill sound making his skin crawl each time it revved up to speed. His forehead was already a mess but that didn't bother him, it was the way the bit would catch in the bone that was getting to him, jerking his head when it stalled and making little divots before backing off to find a new location.
They'd been at him nonstop for hours with different methods but this little gem was startling enough to chip away at his defenses.
He knew intellectually that there was no real drill, that there was no way Ibiki would actually be putting holes in his skull in this situation. But at this stage he'd spent days subjected to a chemical/jutsu combination with a strong hallucinogenic influence, and he no longer had perfect continuity of mind. Every time his concentration slipped during this session, the illusion of drill bit chewing into his skull made for a deeply disturbing experience indeed.
So much so that when he lost focus long enough that it seemed like the drill was actually entering his brain, he cried out.
That was a huge mistake.
"Oh, did we finally find a winner?" Ibiki said with a smile in his voice. "Well, then. And I was just about to give up on this, since you didn't seem to be all that impressed."
Kakashi panted in silence, concentrating on shearing his defenses back up.
"One more time, Hatake. Did you kill my men?"
"No," he croaked.
"You're pretty stubborn. Look how exhausted you are. And thirsty. And hungry. And dirty and smelly. I have water for you, Kakashi. Good, fresh food. A warm bath. You don't have to go through this any longer. Start talking, that's all you have to do. Even if it's horrible, heinous stuff. No matter what you confess. Just talk and I'll make it all better. Get it off your chest and you can eat and sleep and get oh so comfortable. Think how much better you'll feel if you let go of that terrible secret."
"Didn't do it."
"Umino isn't going to hold up to this as well as you have, I'd wager. I mean, if you're as innocent as you profess to be, then he's next up to bat in the order of suspects. If you're lying, he's the one who's going to pay the price. He was pretty tough back when, but he's a lot more fragile now. No telling what we'll end up with when we're done with him."
Kakashi suppressed the anger and fear and said nothing, knowing it was just to get a rise out of him. But his heart rate betrayed him, and Ibiki knew he was identifying more soft spots as the interrogation dragged on.
"Pisses you off, doesn't it? Knowing that I can do anything I want to him now, and you're the one who handed me this golden opportunity?" Ibiki smiled, kind of proud that his tactics were actually having some effect on the miserably strong bastard, though this was a pretty obvious one to try. Making up details about torturing Iruka was going to be fun. And easy. He'd just trot out a few favorite fantasies about just that scenario, and bingo! Kakashi would be squirming in his chair wanting to put a stop to it.
More and more it was the mention of doing harm to Iruka that made little glitches appear in his armor. Not enough to tear through; but enough to excite and irritate Ibiki into digging even harder.
Tapping his careful reserve of energy, Kakashi managed to get his heart rate back down instead of reacting. Control. Coping with interrogation was all about self-control, and nothing else. Don't internalize anything said. Don't believe any statement. Close up and shut down. That was basic resistance 101.
It was just that Ibiki was right. This was his fault. If he'd kept his nose clean and policed Hide from a distance, instead of getting in his face, right out in front of everyone like some snot-nosed rookie, they wouldn't be under such damning suspicion. If he'd been smarter, more professional, instead of raging around like a jealous...a jealous what? They hadn't been a couple since what seemed like a lifetime ago. And with all the monumental fall-out raining down on them from his idiot behavior, all those fears and lack of trust Hide planted must be flourishing. He'd done himself in this time. He never really believed that he was too possessive and overprotective. He just did what seemed necessary and it was for Iruka's own good whether he realized it or not. And now his bullheaded attitude had caused suffering a hundredfold worse than the threat he'd perceived.
This was all his fault. If Iruka finally decided he'd had enough it would make sense. He only hoped that they didn't damage him in any permanent way, though he had no doubt about the agony they must be inciting in those beautiful, bottomless brown eyes.
He stopped himself short, wrapped up that entire line of thinking, and blocked it, like he should have done when this first started. There wasn't a thing he could do for either one of them stuck in these restraints.
He had no guilt in the actual crime, so the real test here was of his mettle under pressure. Surely by now enough evidence had come to light that the purely circumstantial nature of the suspicion against him was becoming apparent. He shifted his mindset, finally, to where it needed to be. Career ninja vs. state-of-the-art interrogation methods. Deflect the invasion.
"Would it help you to cooperate if I brought you in a lock of his hair? An ear lobe? His cute little pinky toes floating in formaldehyde?" Ibiki breathed in his ear, absolutely relishing the opportunity to find more soft spots. "I have some jars that are exactly like the kind that those eyes were in, you know, those eyes that you say you know nothing about. I imagine that seeing his parts in one of them might help jar your memory, so to speak."
"Break," Yamanaka insisted, going so far as to put a hand on Ibiki's arm. Puns, he's having so much fun with this he's making bad puns now? They'd gone a full hour past the time they'd agreed on. Any longer without water, given the type of drugs in him now, and there would be organ damage for sure.
Ibiki smiled angrily and threw his hands up in surrender. Fucking Yamanka was always calling foul just when he was getting somewhere.
Granted, it was getting pretty certain that even if they cracked the copy-nin's case-hardened shell, he would have no guilt to confess as far as the murders were concerned.
But oh, the idea that his perfect shield was weakening because of his personal attachment to someone, that was a professional outrage he had to address.
To think that some enemy might someday gain access to Kakashi's damning store of information because of a weakness caused by unnecessary extracurricular activity – that was intolerable! It was Ibiki's duty to push those weak spots as hard as any foe and make absolutely, positively certain that he was not a security risk if allowed to continue those activities.
"All right," Ibiki said, kicking the chair to startle Kakashi since he'd started to relax a little. "Don't get too comfy, this starts again in a few. You be thinking about how hard this is going to be on poor little Iruka. It's all your fault if he falls apart for good because you refused to tell the truth."
Yamanaka kept his distance and let the assistant perform the physical examination and care needed to keep the subject well enough to go on. He almost wished Kakashi wasn't so strong and so damned good at standing up to interrogation. As barbaric and brazen as Ibiki's methods were, Kakashi was still able to resist them and retain his core secrecy, and there was no real sign that they were getting close to any kind of a breaking point. At no time did Yamanaka sense that he was on the verge of giving up and talking against his will; but at the same time, some of his basal biological indicators gave hints when he had an emotional reaction to certain lines of questioning and interrogation techniques. Some approaches seemed to have promise in making headway in damaging his armor but so far, there had been nothing to lend credence to the accusation before them.
It was just that in the past, his records indicated that none of these small glitches, as unlikely to be significant enough to be productive as they were, ever even existed. It seemed that he had developed these little crumbs of vulnerability recently, because he had never revealed any under pressure before.
Ibiki was as acutely aware of that fact as he was. And that was the problem now. This was the excuse the hulking sadist would use to go all-out in finding Kakashi's limits.
Whether he appreciated it or not, Ibiki needed him at his shoulder the coming days. Tsunade was serious when she warned him to be prudent, and without someone else providing a voice of reason, he would surely fail her instructions to release his subject largely intact.
Kakashi was very fortunate that Yamanaka had no desire to sit back and take advantage of the opportunity to become Ibiki's replacement as the head of T&I.
xxxx
Genma did not grumble about the clear lack of preparedness when the staffers flinched and apologized and asked him to wait while they scared up something street-worthy for him to wear. What he grumbled about was their evasiveness about his partner's whereabouts. Every other time his uniform had been too ruined to salvage, Raidou would bring him a fresh one to wear home from the hospital; except, of course, for those occasions where they were both laid up and he was the first one out. As of yet, he still had not heard one thing from or about Rai and his whereabouts. They wouldn't even confirm or deny whether he was out on a mission.
If they didn't come clean during the release instructions, he was going to go raise holy hell looking for him as soon as he hit the street.
Now that they'd given him the bare facts surrounding his situation, he was even more worried. He couldn't wait to go corner his friends and get the straight dope on what transpired here while he was MIA.
The door opened and he quickly realized that he wouldn't be able to bully his way into getting the info he wanted here and now.
The Hokage barged in with her usual flare and all his half-baked plans went poof.
"You're looking much better. Now sit back down."
He complied with a slight bow, gauging her mood. She wasn't angry at him. Yet.
"You are improving at an encouraging rate," she nodded, taking her time thumbing through the pages in his chart, letting some time tick past to watch his behavior.
He nodded and tried to be patient, discarding any number of wise-ass retorts that came to mind, wishing for a senbon to keep his traitorous mouth occupied.
"I supposed you're anxious to get out of here."
"Yes, ma'am," he replied, carefully neutral.
She eyed him for a moment. From the polite response, it appeared that he wasn't going to be entertaining after all. So, recovering, but still not nearly as lively as his usual self.
She'd given him every chance to cut up and yet, nothing. She was more than aware, from the staff's constant complaints, that he was fairly ready to start taking heads in order ascertain Raidou's status.
Well, the scarred nin had willingly bent if not broken the rules in outright defiance, so she had limited sympathy for him in this situation. Genma on the other hand appeared to be more of a victim of circumstance, so it wouldn't do to toy with him too much after all Ibiki had put him through. Not if he was going to be boring about it.
"I'll cut to the chase. We had an issue with one of your usual teammates while you were 'away', so to speak. He got himself captured and injured in the course of breaking a few well-established rules. All because he took it upon himself to find you, despite the fact he had no mission orders to do so, and in violation of the general orders to be vigilant while on other duties only, not to make extra sortees or chase leads without official sanctions."
Genma waited, silent and still.
Now that impressed her a great deal. His glittering eyes were wide now, full of questions and challenges he somehow refused to assault her with.
So she went on.
"Don't worry excessively. He's here in the infirmary, soon to be released. He's very fortunate that I've pardoned the more serious charges against him. He did received some very painful injuries, which I chose to count as part of his punishment. And of course, his debriefing was thorough and under the circumstances, less than gentle."
In lieu of a senbon, Gen chomped down on the flesh of his inner cheek until he tasted blood. Less than gentle. They probable damned near killed him. He was such an idiot.
"Pardon me, but does that mean he's here?"
"Why, yes," she said condescendingly, a crow's smile tightening her lips. Surely he would blurt out some sort of appeal or demand. She couldn't get much more obvious in her attempt to get a rise out of him.
Yet she didn't feel any change in his level of aggression in response to her smirk. Moments ticked by in silence and still no rise to the bait. She mentally added another 48 hours to the recovery time she'd estimated he would still need before returning to the field. She'd have to watch him closely, do the next exam herself. To make sure that the aggressive aspects his personality hadn't been tampered with, or damaged in some way.
Well, that test was over. On to the next. "Would you care to see him?"
Gen forced his voice to stay even, resisted the urge to clench his fists. She was fucking with him but it was okay, it was nothing, so long as Rai was all right. She actually had a strong case for giving them both a lot more than just a little verbal crap. Rai's screw-ups were his fault because he'd apparently faked seppuku and gone AWOL, after all. It was mind-boggling to think they wouldn't jail them both for an extended period out of due caution.
"Lady Tsunade, I would be very grateful if that could be allowed."
She nodded, paying closer attention to the unusual behavior. He was no good to her docile. His politeness further displeased her. Her response was terse and direct.
"We'll escort you."
Genma swallowed and nodded. A Hokage had better thing to do than squire visitors around the infirmary. That meant he was being observed. Was it a test or a trap? For him, for Rai, or for both of them?
"Problem?"
He forgot to control the sweat that was starting to roll off his brow.
"No?"
Tsunade eyed him sideways. He was reacting to her anger, slight as it was. Very sensitized to dominant behavior. She thought Ibiki said that was a temporary side-effect of the drug enhancements. It should have worn off some time ago.
"I'm hoping that your release is not premature. I'm ordering you to report any unusual symptoms, physical or emotional, immediately and directly to me. Understood?"
"Yes, your Ladyship."
Still unhappy, she motioned for him to follow and led him to the next corridor. Now that the telltale ANBU guards had been dismissed, she had to think for a moment to select the right room and pushed open the door without knocking.
Raidou startled awake; his head tipped in the direction of the door but he only seemed to identify Tsunade, no doubt by her robes.
Genma crossed the room in a flash and got front and center in his partner's face, waiting for him to focus, identify and finally, react.
"Gen!"
Genma seized his hand and squeezed it. He had about a million things he wanted to say, but little he cared to blurt out in front of the Hokage.
"You look good. I'm lying. You look like shit," he quipped despite his clenched throat.
"Are you okay?" Raidou asked, not letting go. "Gen!"
"Yeah. I am. I'm getting out today. Are you all right? You need anything?" he asked, trying to keep it low key. Rai's hand was shaking so hard he couldn't still it with his grip.
"No, just...you talking and standing, that's...oh, God, I was afraid I'd never see that again!"
"I'll leave you two to visit. Shiranui, don't leave without checking out at the nurse's station. I'll leave your instructions there. Don't slip up or this is the first privilege that will be revoked."
"Yes, Lady Tsunade. Thank you."
The door whispered shut and he blew out a sigh of relief.
Followed by a desperate mutual hug.
"You're here."
"Rai. Do you understand how hard it was for me to be a good boy so they'd let me see you? I'd like to jack most of the jaws I've been smiling at today. You moron. Why'd you have to go get yourself beat up like that?"
"Fuck you, shut up and just hold me before someone comes in here again."
Rai was shaking, and Gen wasn't a lot better off. They clung tightly, knowing that they'd never be doing this here but for the aftereffects of the interrogation, but needing it too badly to stop.
"You're real!"
"The realest. Take it easy. I've got you, okay? It's all right, man."
Rai's trembling increased dramatically; Genma worried that it might escalate into seizures if he got any worse.
"Rai, breathe. You gotta calm down."
"It's my head, that's all, it'll stop hurting in a minute. It's nothing. They told me you were dead. Then they said you were alive and here and better. And I just didn't know what to believe until now."
"So, look at me, see? It's all right. I'm fine now, pretty much."
"But how..?"
"Damned if I know. The last I remember, I was so fucked up I was ready to throw in the towel. From what they tell me, I even gave it a shot but I was interrupted. The rest is mystery."
"I know. I was there when you...ugh. You just fucking disappeared! It was...it's been...shit, none of that matters to me now. This is the important thing!"
"My thing's always been important. Good DNA and lots of exercise," Gen grinned.
Raidou tried to laugh but grimaced instead. Something was starting to blink and beep near his head. He threw up an arm and bashed at it to try and silence it, a little too forcefully.
"Hey, easy, you'll break that and cut yourself."
"Shit, Gen, find the button, pull the plug! Just hit it hard!"
"I..." Genma took a look at the monitor and the infusion machine attached to it and stopped. With the half-dozen tubes delivering medication through its control, it seemed pretty important to keep it functioning properly. From his glimpse of flashing red triple-digit numbers and the wildly erratic sine wave pattern, he suspected the alarm was well warranted.
"They'll come," Raidou said, missing and hitting the headrail painfully. "If it keeps going off, they'll come!"
Gen caught his forearm to prevent him from making any more contact with solid objects; though he was distraught and struggling with all his might, it took almost no effort to contain him.
"I don't think we should mess with it. Take it easy. It's okay, you probably need one of the bags replaced or something."
"They'll make you leave! No, you guys, I don't need anything! Get out!" he cried desperately as the door flew open, just as he feared.
"If they do, I'll come back. Hey, come on, I'm serious, you need to calm down," Gen shook loose and stepped back to let the medical team rush past to tend to his partner. Their expressions sent his stomach into a knot. "I'm sorry, Rai, I didn't realize you were still in such bad shape."
"Stop it, go away! He just got here, you're in the way!"
"Rai! Don't fight 'em! You need help!"
In ten seconds flat Raidou was immobilized by soft jutsu and medication despite his protests.
"The sedation is going to make it impossible for him to stay awake," the lead orderly said, directing Genma to the door. "He won't be having any more visitors today."
"I'll be back tomorrow," Genma called out, but he sincerely doubted that his promise was heard.
Shaken, he went straight to the nurses station in compliance with the Hokage's orders; getting banned was not on his to do list.
xxxxxxxx
The brutality of the final leg of interrogation was only surpassed by the suddenness by which it was terminated. From the agony of eyelid speculum, choking heavy neck chains and barbed leg irons to full release in ten minutes flat.
When the Hokage used that tone of voice, even Ibiki jumped to it. And curiously, Ibiki didn't seem all that disgruntled. Almost as if he had been waiting for her to call an end to it, so that he had another way out besides conceding that his accusations were wrong.
His head still throbbed and his limbs lacked strength. More than two weeks lost, with countless insidious attempts to break down his 'alibi' – his head roared, full of dizzying cotton, pain the only thing sharp about him. The implied threats against Iruka still shook him to the core. They were bluffing, and he knew it, and still they'd managed to turn his devotion into a deep-running vulnerability the like of which he'd never experienced before. They'd found a new glitch in his formerly perfect resistance. If he'd been guilty, a few more weeks and he might actually have cracked.
He'd done himself proud, though. They bought his swagger when he walked out with his head high, telling them he gave them a 6 out of 10 tops and they'd better bring their 'A' game next time they tried to accuse him of phony shit. They probably thought Tsunade was being too generous, allowing him go home and rest instead of putting him straight back on the active duty roster.
He still couldn't bring himself to feel that bad about Hide; some people were just more damned trouble than they were worth. Someone should find out who took out those men without fail, because killing any rookie ANBU member was a high crime indeed, no matter how useless and lacking in potential that rookie might have been. The other guy, well, Ibiki wasn't saying much, and Kakashi got the impression that his death was the only element that gave the torture specialist a moment's doubt about his guilt in the beginning. As amoral as he accused Kakashi of being, it didn't fit that he'd kill a bystander of value to the village just to muddy his tracks.
Kakashi assumed that they saw the signs, just as he did, that these abduction deaths represented a troubling pattern of infiltration, escalating from disembodied parts to living men, with the first test being Genma's disappearance. Nin weren't extracted from their homes without anyone knowing, it was nearly inconceivable that it could be done twice without a detectable struggle or alarm. These incidents were all the same in that regard. Ibiki had been wasting valuable time, focus and resources running down his prejudiced assumptions, and now he had to start over with a much colder case on his hands.
The path veered to the left and he nearly didn't, wobbling a bit but pushing forward. It wasn't that he thought he might not make it home. But he was starting to think that he might have to sit for a minute or else risk having to crawl the rest of the way.
"Kakashi. Let me help you."
Perfect timing; he'd just lost his footing halfway off the path and without the arrival of supporting hands, he'd have fallen on his ass.
"I'm all right," he protested automatically, even as he reeled internally. He hadn't been paying deliberate attention to who or what might approach him, but even his subconscious instincts had failed him. He wasn't sure if that had ever happened before. He hadn't detected anyone nearby at all.
"Sure you are," Iruka scoffed in slightly annoyed, very worried affection. "You look awful."
Kakashi shrugged stiffly. His mind was slow to absorb the implications here. Iruka was offering to help in a friendly way – not angry, or fearful, or even suspicious. And he looked totally fine. All that crap Ibiki was pitching was just crap then, after all. They hadn't tortured Iruka or convinced him that Kakashi was to blame.
The sheer relief of seeing him whole and well made the copy-nin's embattled body lose the last dregs of its starch.
To Iruka, the fact that he hadn't volleyed back with a snappy remark was more alarming than his shakiness.
No one was in sight, but out of caution Iruka swallowed back the impulse to embrace him in support to comfort his suffering.
Get him home first.
"I'm going to be the one to protect you this time."
Kakashi's head jerked up. Iruka could swear he saw a glint of alarm; he recoiled to see the white of his visible eye was almost completely red with blood.
"It's all right, Kakashi. Being protected doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't mean I'm trying to get the upper hand. God knows, it took me a long time to figure that one out."
Kakashi swayed as his knees began to buckle; that was all the permission Iruka needed to firm up his hold and forge ahead.
"Steady. My place?"
"I…I'd like that. But I've been gone, I need to check on…"
"Your place, then. Gotcha." He reached around with both arms and made the signs behind one very startled man, and they were at the Hatake estate, precisely at the front door.
He knew better than to pull away too fast, supporting Kakashi and releasing the security himself in swift, practiced order.
"Have…have you been here?"
"I came by to water your plant. And…to get a feel for it. Like you suggested."
They tromped in with loud, hollow steps until they kicked off their footwear.
"Sit."
Kakashi nearly clung to his helper; Iruka's natural command of the situation left him as stunned emotionally as the events had left him physically.
"And how did it feel? Being here," he managed, settling into the chair stiffly, his heart a bit tight.
"Like something important was missing. Something about your height, your build, wears a mask..."
"You didn't suspect me? Or do you?"
Iruka's smile turned sad, shaking his head, sorry that his partner felt he had to ask. His own faithlessness was to blame for that. "I know you're innocent."
Kakashi sighed and let his chin fall. "I haven't been innocent since I was three. But I didn't do it."
"How bad did it get?" Iruka's voice softened. "I've seen you hospitalized in better shape."
"Worse than I thought, I guess. You came right up to me and I never saw you coming."
Iruka nodded in sympathy.
"That's not as bad of a sign as you think, though, Kakashi. I've regained some of my skills. My chakra is masked naturally now. Unless I want you to know I'm coming, you have to be actively sensing for me to detect me. It's my fault I snuck up on you. I forgot to send out a warning. I'm still getting used to…the change."
A silver raised eyebrow sent the obvious question. Where was all this newfound power and confidence coming from?
"Even is history. Or, that's not really it. He's not gone. But he's not separate anymore. We're me again. And as nasty a piece of work as he was, it's been a godsend. Some of the skills just suddenly came back as if I never forgot them. I finally have my jounin-level footing again. It's been...a huge adjustment."
"You seem okay with it."
"Well...it is what it is. I don't think there was any way I would have been able to stop it, so being okay is what I have to be with it, I guess. But luckily, it's been going pretty well. Everything has been."
Kakashi nodded, waiting for any inkling that there was bad news waiting to drop.
"Are you still going to stick with the Academy, then?"
"It's been going better than I hoped. They were a little unsure; I think with some of the problems I had, that's pretty understandable. But this last week it's like it's all come together. I have so much more field experience and insight since I taught last. And no one there is on my level now. Ebisu is the closest but he's recognized my elevated status. They're cautious for a different reason. Respectful. They haven't worked with jounin-level instructors much. It's looking like," he smiled, "a very nice fit so far."
"I guess I was worried for nothing." Kakashi let his arms fall into his lap, and his head drooped, the tension of last two weeks shedding away in massive waves. They were safe again, both in good shape, better shape than he'd dared hope. Exhaustion pressed past the wall of his worry and Iruka was right there, a hand on his shoulder, keeping him in the chair.
"You should be in bed."
"Animal."
Relieved to hear him making a joke, Iruka hauled him upright, supporting him down the hall and easing him onto the bed. It took a moment before the exhausted man managed to push away to sit up on his own and assert his independence.
It was painful to see how terribly they'd hurt him; Iruka gingerly relieved him of his shirt, and volume and depth of the recent healing was incredible. He'd be days recovering fully. Kakashi seemed to want him to turn away while he finished wrestling out of his pants, and he obliged, not really wanting to see how much worse they might have abused his sturdier lower limbs.
"It's okay," Kakashi said finally, settling motionless after managing to slide in under the sheet, looking pale and just a touch grim. He really wanted to spend time with Iruka and find out where they stood, but he was at the very limit of his endurance. He wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer. "You were on your way somewhere, I imagine. If you need to, you can go."
"About that going thing," Iruka said, perching on the edge of the bed. "I'm not really all that crazy about it anymore."
"You don't have to do this out of pity. I'll be fine."
"Okay, pity's out. Can I stay because I want to? Do I really have to have a reason, with some label like pity or guilt or lust?"
Kakashi's struggle for reply simply stopped when Iruka took his hand and held it tight. There it was, in the warm honesty of that small action, the very answer he was hoping for. They were still connected on all of those levels he couldn't begin to describe.
Or maybe he was reading too much into a mere gesture.
"All I wanted to do is make sure that this is really what you want." Kakashi squeezed back, a little too stiffly still. "Are you sure? Don't give me a casual answer, or tell me what you think I want to hear. If you still need time it's all right."
Iruka leaned over and closed the distance between them, hesitating for just the fraction of a second it took to make sure this was going to be mutual before his desire got the best of him. So much time had been wasted being apart, and they'd come so close to never finding a way back. His heart ached to see his partner steeling himself against the possibility that he was not truly wanted, no doubt preparing to pretend like it was fine and bravely swallow his pain so as not be a burden or source of guilt.
What would cure them was not time or toughness. Not anymore. With patience and a slow pace, Iruka's gentle hands and warm, soft lips comforted his collapsed partner until he was fully convinced, expressing his answer clearly, better than any amount of words ever could.
xxxx
"You should go home. Get some rest."
"Maybe."
"Well. I'm going to. We'll be starting over from square one tomorrow."
"No. We'll be starting over. You just put in your report as soon as possible. I'll let you know when we need you again."
Yamanaka frowned, but it was Ibiki's call. Now that there was no subject to analyze, he really wasn't mandatory to the investigation.
"My profile work is still relevant. We have some theories we haven't finished exploring."
Ibiki set the last sterilized instrument back in the case and turned. Yamanaka's expression was neutral, his body language stubborn. He supposed that the disagreements over his efforts to break Kakashi might have created some friction or resentment, but it seemed that it was water under the bridge for both of them already. Fair enough, if Yamanaka wasn't going to waste time criticizing him, he'd take his help.
"All right. Then I'll expect you first thing. I plan to inspect the crime scene again, so don't be late."
"Where the bodies were found?"
"And the site of the abduction."
"You think something was missed?"
"Just being thorough. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Go home."
"You did a good job. At least we've conclusively eliminated Hatake from the suspect list."
Ibiki stared. Was that supposed to be some sort of olive branch? He was certain that it was not intended to be as condescending as it came out. For someone so well-versed in human interaction, this guy was certainly clumsy in expressing himself.
You know what? he thought to himself, I'm not letting you off the hook. You act like you know what doesn't belong in this investigation; let's see you come up with what does belong.
He gave a slight nod to break the stalemate and turned back to finish buttoning up his equipment. Yamanaka took the hint and said goodnight on the way out the door; Ibiki was finally alone.
He went immediately to the video equipment, to make his own set of copies including today's footage. The official edits would be kept in duplicate but he wanted a complete set of the raws for his personal collection. You never know what you might have missed, what with the long hours and various distractions. He had a legitimate reason for going over it again a few times at least.
He planned to file it right next to the prison footage, as a balance. As a reminder that no matter how smug a man might get thinking he'd slapped his face and gotten away with it, no matter how long it took, he always evened the scales in the end. Now things were as they should be, with Kakashi in his proper place, stripped of that carefree swagger. It was karma, it was fate, it was the justice of cause and effect.
Exacting that balance was one of the best perks of the job.
-tbc