Georgetown, November 2015
The brunette woke up to the feeling of dexterous fingers running gently through her hair and soft, warm lips pressing butterfly kisses all over her face. With her eyes still shut, she smiled lazily at the girl that was lying in bed beside her, their limbs tangled together.
"Hey"
"Hey yourself" Hanna beamed down at her. "Slept well?"
"Mmm" Spencer groggily murmured. "God, we haven't left this bed in three days"
"That's because I haven't seen you in two weeks and I've missed you" the blonde smirked.
"However, it's time to get up. You're out of food"
"We can always order takeout" Spencer proposed, hoping she didn't have to get up . "Do you fancy Chinese?"
"Really?" Hanna raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow, skeptical. "Where is your Hastings attitude? That obsession of yours for 'healthy food'?" she teased as she held up her hands to make air quotes. "What about your motto 'why enjoy today when you could be worrying about tomorrow'?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it" Spencer groaned as she climbed out of the bed and quickly started to throw on some clothes. "Anything in particular you want me to pick?" she asked her girlfriend, already knowing the answer.
As the blonde recited her list of ice creams, chips and other junk food she wanted Spencer to pick, the brunette couldn't help but smile to herself and think that, after four years together, she still loved this girl with everything she had.
She gave one last peck to the blonde's lips before leaving the apartment and going groceries shopping.
As she walked down the street in the uninviting crisp air of the night, her thoughts drifted on the past three years of her life.
The brunette had recently obtained her undergrad in Political Science, with a minor in Criminal Justice, and was currently looking for a job. Her parents were pressing her to start immediately Law School, but Spencer wanted to take a little time off to collect her thoughts and sort out what she truly wanted in life. Like travel around the world, make new experiences and find a job all on her own. But up to that point, the only thing she was sure of was Hanna. That girl was her cornerstone.
The only problem was, her girlfriend was living her dream in another city.
A year and a half ago, a renowned fashion designer hired her and, thanks to the blonde's passion for the job and her hard-working attitude, in a very short time Hanna became the woman's personal assistant. It was a huge gratification, but the job was tough and its ungodly hours were tiring.
The physical distance between them and the fact that they now had a limited amount of time to devote each other due to their respective commitments obviously affected their relationship. Despite their efforts to make things work. And they pledged, a lot, to make it work.
There was no other choice. Not when two people loved each other as much as they did. Not when neither of them could imagine a life without the other. In any capacity.
So, they were doing everything and anything they could to keep in touch as frequently as possible (thank God they lived in an era when things like Skype, Snapchat, FaceTime existed); and they promised to visit each other in turns, whenever possible, at least for a week-end every two weeks.
It was hard, but so far things were fine. Or as much as they could have been.
They still had their fights, after all, and certainly the distance did not help to dissipate the anxiety, the insecurities, the fears. On the contrary, it only fueled them.
Like that time, when Spencer opened her Instagram after weeks of neglect and immediately was assaulted by pictures of her girlfriend at some glamorous party, sitting on a red leather couch in a privé of a club, seemingly enjoying the company of many gorgeous, sculptured, absolutely flawless models all around her. The pictures were innocent enough – all the blonde was doing was laughing and drinking with them – but Spencer felt a strong sense of possessiveness and jealousy rising up inside her all the same. She immediately called the blonde and the two fought for hours at the phone, until an extremely pissed and frustrated Hanna abruptly hang up on her. Spencer ended up booking the first flight to New York that same night. She rushed to the blonde's apartment with flowers and heartfelt apologies and almost immediately Hanna caved-in and forgave her. They spent the next two days making up in the bedroom – much as they did this time around.
Spencer smirked at the memory, but a sudden gust of cold wind made her shiver so she increased the pace of her steps. She couldn't get home fast enough.
Unbeknownst to the brunette, in the warmth and comfort of her house Hanna was currently having her same train of thoughts.
The blonde, clad in only Spencer's Georgetown University's navy sweatshirt and panties, was lying on her stomach on the bed, absentmindedly flicking through her Cosmo magazine.
She was sporting a huge grin on her face, as she replayed in her mind the last three days they had spent together. It has been pure perfection.
From the moment she stepped foot inside Spencer's apartment, they haven't done anything else but make love and cuddle all day long, pausing occasionally only to eat or get some rest.
'Pure perfection, indeed', Hanna smirked to herself.
And that, she planned on continue to do as soon as Spencer would come back.
However, she was forced back to reality when Spencer's phone, abandoned on the nightstand, started to buzz.
Hanna shook her head affectionately at her girlfriend's forgetfulness; reaching out to grab the phone, she answered the call, thinking it was Spencer on the other line calling from a pay phone or something like that.
"What am I going to do with you? I swear, if your head wasn't glued to your neck, you'd probably...-"
"Uhm, hello?" A gruff, masculine voice cut her off, "Is it Miss Hastings I'm speaking to?" the man asked.
"Uh? Oh yeah. Sorry" Hanna hastily apologized, a little startled. "I'm Hanna Marin, Spencer's girlfriend. She's momentarily out and she forgot her phone home" she then proceeded to explain.
"Oh, I see. I'm Dr. Altman, Spencer's former professor in College. Could you please inform Miss Hastings that I tried to contact her as soon as she gets back?"
"Uh, yes. Of course" the blonde assured. "I'll tell her right away. Is there anything I can do for you? Can I help, or would you like to leave a message?" she asked, detecting the urgency in the man's voice.
"Well, it's just that something came up. A magnificent opportunity, in fact, that I believe Miss Hastings would be very interested in" the professor excitedly announced, somewhat proud with himself.
"Oh?" Hanna raised an eyebrow, suddenly very interested in what this old man could have possibly imply. "That is great. And, may I ask you what is it?"
"But of course!" the man replied all chirpy.
Hanna would have found him endearing in any other circumstance. Or annoying. But now the only think she could concentrate about was the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. This whole conversation was leaving her uneasy, as if she sensed something big was about to happen.
"There's been an opening at the Us embassy in Madrid for an internship, for a period of two years, with the possibility of being hired as a diplomatic agent once the stage is over. There are only few spots still available, and we have little time to submit the application. If Miss Hastings is interested, of course. Though something tells me that she is, seeing how ambitious she was since her freshman year" the man chuckled lightly.
Hanna froze. Her vision blurred and she felt like the world was spinning.
'This is not happening' she kept telling herself over and over.
"So yeah, I trust you'll report this to Spencer as soon as possible. This is a chance of a lifetime and I cannot imagine a person more deserving than Miss Hastings"
"Yeah, I'll have her call you back. Good evening, Professor"
She unceremoniously hang up without waiting for the older man's goodbyes. She felt too dizzy to think clear; too shocked and upset to worry about etiquette.
The only think she could think about was: 'She's going to leave me'.
And then, it truly hit her. The severity of the situation.
Just as she was about to have a mild panic attack, Spencer opened the door to her apartment and stepped in, carrying several shopping bags.
"Hey babe" she greeted, walking to the kitchen to unpack the groceries; "so, I think I got everything. Except the pink Starburst. They were all over, sorry"
But Hanna didn't say anything.
She just rushed towards the brunette, embracing her tightly from behind and resting her head in between the taller girl's shoulder blades. Silent tears were streaming down her face.
"Hey" Spencer smiled to herself, unaware of the mood her girlfriend's was into. "You're awfully cuddly today!"
She started to move only to have the blonde tightening her grip around her waist, effectively stopping her.
"Don't. Please don't turn around" Hanna whispered. "Let's just stay this way for a bit. Please"
Now, Spencer was concerned. But she granted the blonde her wish.
"You're soaking wet" the blonde said after a while.
They were still locked in that embrace.
"It started to rain all of a sudden. A downpour caught me by surprise"
'How ironic. I could say the same' Hanna thought, letting go the brunette.
Spencer turned to face her and for the first time noticed the tears in her eyes.
"Oh, sweet girl" she sighed. "What happened? Hey, don't cry. Whatever is it you can tell me" she said, swiping her girlfriend's tears with her thumbs.
"Your professor, Dr. Altman I believe he said…" she looked up into Spencer's confused eyes and when the brunette nodded in confirmation she continued; "He called and… and you really need to talk to him"
"Why? What did he want?"
"Spencer just… just call him back" Hanna choked out, stepping away.
"Wait! I don't understand. When are you going?"
"Taking a shower. We'll talk later. Call him now"
And with that the blonde quickly left for the bathroom, leaving a dumbstruck Spencer behind.
The blonde just managed to close the door behind her as she burst into a fit of heart-wrenching sobs.
She stepped into the shower hoping the cascade of hot water would have sufficed to wash away all her tears.
And in that moment she remembered one of their nastiest fight.
[May 2015]
Spencer got home after a long, satisfactory meeting with one of her most esteemed teachers, Professor, Dr. Altman. He was a rather influential man, who knew lots of people and was very well-connected. And the brunette just happened to be one of his favorite students.
She was still fresh of graduation when the man called her one day and offered her a position as a lobbyist for one of his friend's corporation.
Now, it was not really Spencer's ideal job but she was thrilled and grateful nonetheless, so she accepted immediately. After all, it was a fixed-term contract for the duration of six months.
She immediately dropped herself on the couch and dialed Hanna's number, eager to share the news with her girlfriend.
The blonde, however, was not at all impressed. On the contrary.
Because, naively enough, she had thought that once Spencer was out of college, the brunette would have moved in with her. In New York.
They never really talked about that or broached the subject, but still. It was a genuine dream, a fantasy of hers.
And she brought it out in the worst way, at the worst time. And now Spencer was upset with her.
"Wow. I thought you would be happy for me. Proud. That you'd showed me your support. The kind of stuff a girlfriend is supposed to do, you know?"
"Of course I'm proud of you, Spencer! Don't even dare to think otherwise" Hanna yelled on the other side of phone.
"You have a very funny way of showing it" Spencer snarled back. "You've done nothing but shout at me, eating me alive for something I didn't even have the control over. It's not like I already accepted the job, I wanted to talk with you about it before. Now, I'm starting to regret this decision"
"Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind, Spence. So please, spare me the act and don't pretend to give a shit about my opinion. 'Cause it's obvious that you don't" Hanna lashed out without thinking.
Now, that was the moment she fucked up. She knew it.
Spencer was silent for a long time after this; Hanna could only hear her labored breaths.
"Spence?" she cautiously called her girlfriend, already on the verge to apologize profusely for what she just said.
"If that is really what you think, Han, then what are you still doing with me?" Spencer whispered brokenly, because the blonde's words stung. A lot.
Nobody knew, not their friends nor their families, but that night they broke up.
For a week, they didn't speak to each other. They didn't contact each other. And obviously, they didn't see each other. And they were miserable.
So, this time around was the blonde to take the first flight to Washington and rush to Spencer's apartment to apologize all over again.
That night they made up and they made a promise: to support each other unconditionally. To never stand between their respective dreams and aspirations. To make things works for the time being, until they could finally have the chance to live together, at the end.
This time around, despite feeling torn Hanna decided she wasn't going to make the same mistake. She was going to honor that promise. Even if it meant getting her heart broken.
'This is a life time opportunity. I can't imagine a more deserving person than Miss Hastings for this job'.
Professor Altman's words echoed in her mind, strengthening her resolve.
She was proud of her Spencer, and she was going to support her.
[Later that same night]
They talked.
After Hanna stepped out of the bathroom she met Spencer in the kitchen. The brunette had just finished talking to her former teacher and was currently sitting on the couch, her gaze fixed on the coffee table, unwavering. Her expression devoid of any emotion.
It was hard say what she was thinking about.
But Hanna knew. She'd always known.
The blonde sighed and approached her, taking her hand. She led her to the kitchen and they ate, perfectly in silence.
They cleaned the table and washed the dishes, still in silence.
Then, when uttering words became a necessity, for the both of them, they finally talked.
It was maybe the most painful conversation they ever had. Everything came to the surface that night: old grudges, old disputes, divergence of opinions. But also their dreams, their hopes for the future, in regards of themselves as individuals and as a couple.
They thought about where they wanted to go in life. Where they were heading to.
The only conclusion they reached was that they loved each other and they wanted to be together.
They agreed to take a few more days before making any decision. But whatever the decision was, they were going to try and stay together.
That night, they went to bed completely drained.
They didn't make love, but they held onto each other for dear life. They needed to feel the warmth of their bodies, to perceive the strength of their feelings.
Spencer passed out almost immediately, lulled by the soft drumming of the rain.
Hanna didn't sleep a wink. Her anxiety wouldn't let her.
Fears of an unknown future crept in the silent darkness before sliding viciously into her mind. The annoying cacophony generated by the downpour outside resonated in her head.
The mix was overwhelming.
She spent the night observing the silhouette of her sleeping girlfriend in the darkness of the bedroom.
At 3:30 A.M. she got up from the bed and quietly padded to the kitchen to make herself some coffee.
'It's the right thing to do. You promised'
At 4:15 A.M. she made her way back to the bedroom and started to collect her clothes. She dressed and then she started to pack her things. Not every single item she had in Spencer's apartment, just the necessary. Like the brunette's sweatshirt.
'This is the way things were supposed to be. You're going to do exceptional things in your life, Spence, and I can't stand in your way. I won't do that. I love you too much to hold you back. I was selfish once, I won't do that again'
At 5:05 A.M. her things were packed. Her cab was waiting outside. She bent down and brushed aside the silky brown locks of her girlfriend that in her sleep had fallen all over her face. She pressed one last kiss to the brunette's forehead and left.
Without a word.
Without a note.
It wasn't necessary.
Tomorrow Spencer would wake up in a cold, empty bed without a blonde head resting on the other side and she would know why. She would know that Hanna left for her benefit. And that she left in silence because there was just no other way.
'How can you love someone and not being able to be with them? Maybe one day you'll forgive me. I know this will hurt. Right now, I feel like I can't breathe without you. But I can't go back. I'm doing this for you, can't you see? Can you understand, my love? You're going to be, like, the next President in a few years. Maybe one day you'll come back and maybe I'll meet you again. Maybe, by that time, you'll have forgotten me. I'm sorry Spence. I'm so sorry. Maybe the only reason why I'm doing this is because I'm a coward and I'm scared. I'm so scared to pick up your call one day and having you tell me that you met someone else. That you won't come back to me. That things will be too hard and our relationship will slowly and excruciatingly expire. And that is something I don't think I could survive. I'd rather you hate me than your indifference. I love you, always'. I'll never forget you, pretty girl'.
With this thoughts running through her head, Hanna desperately cried herself throughout her journey back to New York.
[Five days later]
Five days. It's all that took it for Hanna to understand that she had made the biggest mistake of her life.
She was in the middle of a meeting at work when someone asked her why she was crying. She hadn't realized it until then that the floodgates were open.
She all but ran away from the meeting room. She called a cab, went to the airport and rushed back to Georgetown. Back to the love of her life.
Around 22:00 P.M. she was pounding on Spencer's door like a possessed. Sobbing and screaming and calling her name and begging for her to take her back. To forgive her.
She felt a strong hand clasping her shoulder and for a moment her heart stopped.
She was going to turn around and met familiar chocolate eyes. She was going to say how much of a stupid she had been to leave her, and Spencer was going to take her in her arms and silence her with a searing kiss.
However, her hopes and her heart were crushed when the person behind her spoke the words Hanna never wanted to hear.
"Hanna, hi. I'm sorry but I'm afraid your Spencer is no longer here"
The blonde slowly, cautiously turned around. And instead of chestnut hair and warm, brown eyes, she met an elderly woman with short, graying hair and piercing grey eyes. She recognized her as Spencer's neighbor, Mrs. Lewis. A kind woman with whom she exchanged small talk from time to time, when she came visit her girlfriend. Or ex-girlfriend.
"Uh?" Hanna asked aghast.
"Oh, sweetie" the older woman sighed. "She moved out the other day. She said she was going to Spain at the end of the week? You didn't knew?"
"She's gone?" the blonde asked, ignoring everything else.
"I'm sorry Hanna" Spencer's neighbor confirmed. "She's gone"
A/N: So, another breakup. Next chapter, time skip and the girls will see each other after a long time. What will happen, I wonder…
As I'm going to approach the final arc of this story, I was debating with myself if I should stay somewhat true to the canon story and including A.D. as the main villain or not. I'm very much inclined to go almost totally AU for the final chapters, but I would like to know your thoughts about that.
Even if I already wrote down a some sort of storyline and I like the direction things are heading in my head. So, let me know? Thanks for reading.