Chapter 1: Decisions

Slowing my breathing, I walked along the wall in light steps. Thanks to my Sonic Screwdriver, breaking in wasn't as hard as I had thought. I guess with everyone's mind on the war at hand and ways to rid the Daleks from our world, they didn't even have time for security checks. This was good. I would be out with what I came for and heading far away to a place where they would not find me in an instant. It probably won't take them that long to find out that I have stolen the most dangerous weapon in all the universe, and even less time to figure out what I intend to do with it. Finally reaching the high metal stand that sits as a display table, I was able to grab the weapon and run. Because that's what I do best isn't it? I run.

My mind was focused on so many things, my thoughts scattered in every direction. The dread, the guilt weighing me down along with the object that will cause me to leave this universe once and for all. The Moment was currently inside an old wheat bag I had found, I couldn't risk being seen with it in plain sight. Not that anyone was going to come after me, they were too busy trying to fight for their own lives, all that pain. I was about to rid them from that pain forever. If any one of my companions could see me now, their Doctor. They would be so disappointed, so much so I doubt they would even accept me as a friend anymore. I would have lost their trust in a heartbeat. Maybe that's best, I always try to do the right thing for them but not this time. At least I won't have to face them, that would only break my soul more if that were even possible.

As I draw closer to the barn, I look around me. This part of Gallifrey untouched by evil. The sand sweeping across the horizon, the blue sky lighting up the land as far as the eye can see. The sun shines down, making the sand look alive, glowing, almost like regeneration energy. I know I won't regenerate after this, I don't want to. I just think about all the Children of Gallifrey. They will never grow up, never regenerate for the first time and they will never learn about the universe and all the wonders out there. It's forbidden to leave Gallifrey, even now but I've never been one for sticking to the rules. I ran away all those years ago to sail off and see the universe and oh boy did I see. I saw the most wonderful things and I learnt the value of life. When we come to our end, we regenerate, we don't just die. Yet the entire universe out there only gets one shot at life and that's it. The things they chose to do with their lives amaze me, and sometime not for the best. I have made so many friends out there and enemies too. I wouldn't take it back, none of it. My friends are the best of me and they'll be there with me until the end. Which some of me thinks have come too soon but other parts of me think it's for the best. Because sometimes I think a Time Lord lives too long. The Doctor that was once me is dead. I am the empty shell of a man I used to be. If I can't go on being The Doctor, then I don't want to go on at all.

My eyes have seen many things, they are old eyes. I have seen life and death, love and hate. As I take one more look outside, the footprints pressed into the sand, the trail I leave behind. Remembering my home for what it is, I shut the door and turn away. The barn is bright inside, all the gaps from between the wooden planks that make the structure. Apart from a few crates, old rags, truck tires and the hay that covered the entirety of the floor, it was empty. I carefully take The Moment from the bag and place it upon a wooden crate. Inscribed with Gallifrayen language, it appears to just be a metal box. No button, no switch, no opening. I stand there confused, how am I supposed to end this war if I cant even figure out how to use this, frustration growing inside of me. That's when I heard it, the tell tale signs of someone approaching the barn. Panic started to rise inside my chest as my hearts speed up. Treading quietly back to the door, I open it and don't see anyone. I call out only to hear nothing back in response. Maybe I'm going crazy, it wouldn't be the first time I had thought so.

Shutting the door once more, I turned around and jumped at the sight of a girl sitting behind me. Claiming to be the conscience of The Moment, I didn't believe her for a second. Not until she made the big red button appear when I turned back round. This made it seem too real, now I was doubting if I could actually press that button. Not to mention the conscience who claims to be known as Bad Wolf was trying to get me to chose another option. The question she asked me made me freeze in my place, thinking about the answer, not that I had to think much because I knew I didn't know the answer. I thought my mind was over the place before, but now so many things were running through my mind all at one time, I thought my head was going to explode. I knew what I had to do though, the right thing for Gallifrey. That was until she told me she would punish me for committing such a horrible act. I was determined that no punishment would hurt me more than what I was about to do, yet I was so wrong. If I do this, if I save my people and the rest of the universe, I have to live. To move on, leave my people behind. The amount of guilt and grief would surely drive me insane if I wasn't already. How would I cope? The very thought of me being on my own in the universe, living with the weight of all I'd done was enough to make me pull my hand away. My eyes were burning with unshed tears, I felt completely helpless, no idea what to do. This time, I didn't have a plan. I could hear her talking but I wasn't listening to a word she was saying, weighing up the choices in my mind. I had to make a decision and I had to make it fast.

The distant sound of rumbling from an explosion bought me back to my senses. How could I let this war go on any longer. I couldn't do it, I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I had the chance to end it but didn't so I wouldn't have to be alone. Time for me to grow up, to realise that they're my people and I would do anything to save them. They won't understand, but they don't need to. Raising my hand to the box that has haunted me since I retrieved it, I placed my hand on the red button and pressed down. Closing my eyes, one tear slipping out before darkness surrounded me like a blanket and I lost consciousness.

To be continued...