Liminality

Chapter 2- The Fade

There was no time in the fade, but Jolina felt as if she had been there for weeks. For days she and Wisdom discussed philosophical matters about the character of human nature, about whether or not there was a natural order to anything, and what powers existed that might try to maintain said order. They discussed rights, and government, and rationality. Jo was positive that she had never spoken this much to anyone in her entire life.

They began to move around after Jo had calmed enough to feel comfortable doing so. It became obvious that Wisdom knew exactly where to go in order to avoid Pride or Rage demons, and Jo slowly became less distrustful of the world around her. Wisdom then introduced her to other spirits that seemed, overall, benevolent in nature. Mercy had a laugh that reminded Jo of rain sprinkles. Valor's grip was strong as he led her over rickety planks serving as a bridge across two suspended rocks, amusement and good nature showing through a crooked smile. Faith was difficult to meet; she seemed to sense that Jo struggled a lot with the concept, and had no problem grabbing Jo's cheeks and stating, cheerily, "I believe in you. Even after you leave this place, you will go on to achieve great things. You will meet people who can accept you for who you are. You will find love."

Jo nodded doubtfully, and the group of them traveled together for a while. Wisdom explained it was because of the oddity of her presence. "Humans are not supposed to be able to be physically present within the Fade. To us, you are a curiosity. An impossibility. And a chance to help, which is usually only possible through dreams."

Jo saw very quickly what she meant. Dreamers existed as flickers of light that emitted such desperation. Fear. Anger. Hopelessness. She watched her new friends spring into action whenever they came across one, and they offered whispers of solace and strength. Jo wanted to help too, but she didn't know how.

Eventually she came across the dreamer of a little girl, who was afraid that her father would not come home from the war, would not be there to help her mother get better. Everyone was sick. Coughing spittle, blood, houses were barricaded and set aflame, screams piercing the night. The girl had fallen asleep exhausted from the fear that encompassed her small body. Jo crouched near the light, and not knowing what to say, sang a lullaby she had learned as a child. One that spoke of peace and safety and hope. The little girl seemed to hear her, her distress quieting, until the light blinked out. Happy that she had been comforted, but still upset from feeling the girl's distressing emotions, Jo looked up to see the group of spirits smiling encouragingly at her.

It was hard. Compassion and hope and faith. It was hard to see the pain and struggles present, the needless conflict and needless suffering. But she wanted so badly to help. Here, she felt as if she had a place, a purpose, a sense of belonging. People needed her. She wasn't judged and found unworthy. Jo clung to that, still reeling from the uncertainty as her life was uprooted.

They also came across human spirits that had already entered the fade, but that stood separate from the demons and separate from her friends. Ghosts, then? They did not seem to have a purpose, and did not seem to exude any one emotion. Instead, they simply existed and wallowed, incomplete and upset. Jo could not hear their thoughts like Wisdom, but she could feel their emotions and their circumstances, their whispers that pulled on her heart-strings. She attempted to intercede and comfort the ghosts, and was met with mixed success.

When the despair became too much for her, when the death and pain and anger of desperate fingers of shimmered light became too much to take, a spirit of Compassion appeared. She sobbed, clutching her forehead with taunt fingers, pulling at her dark brown hair, and was pulled into a pair of arms that seemed to understand her difficulties. There was warmth and solace, and when she finally looked up, spent but more at peace, Compassion smiled.

When the fear became too much, Valor had taken her aside and taught her to defend herself. Swords materialized, and it took what felt like days of practice before Wisdom reminded Jo that she could will herself into expertise. It was still a struggle to believe strongly enough to force the Fade to bend to her will, but Faith helped to work her through previous trauma. "They were wrong. The doubters knew nothing about you, not really. You can accomplish anything you want to."

Jo had questioned their static forms, which, while not exactly human, had many human characteristics. They explained that they were afraid to startle her, and had taken on forms they thought would be easier for her to accept. Jo had simply nodded, afraid to question too much. Afraid of change.

Lively debates continued, although Wisdom seemed to enjoy contemplating hypothetical situations far more than the rest. The rest were far more eager to help. After Jo had become proficient with a sword, they moved onto the bow, and then daggers. They eventually met Justice, who had suggested to Valor that she attempt magic.

After it became obvious that Jo had little to no faith in magic (and thus could not begin to imagine casting the simplest of spells), the spirits found a joint cause and rallied together to teach her. The cynicism and fear and pain from a lifetime of negative experiences worked against her desperation to please her new friends, and it wasn't until Hope glided in, impossibly graceful, that any progress was made. Even then, Jo was sure it was weeks before anything she cast felt in any way natural.

But still, she felt herself grow. Jo had become used to moving around the Fade, and now maneuvered through the space with ease, despite her physical form. She adapted to using her will in order to accomplish what was needed. And she became a stronger person, who she dearly hoped was able to embody some of the virtues of her friends.

It was during one of these evenings when they came across the visage of a young man. Clearly a spirit, he had given his life to the Templars only to find out that he had been ordered to cut down his mother. His mother, who Jo could feel had never caused any harm. Who had been cooperative in the circle. Remembering her caused pain and grief, but also rage, and Jo watched with fear and despair as the spirit of the young man became a rage demon. His eyes distorted, fingers grew into claws, and fire contorted around his body as it manifested his struggle.

Jo was shaken from the experience, and asked the spirits around her uneasily about corruption. Still afraid to be wrong, or say the wrong thing, she struggled to ask in a way that would convey her concern for their well-being. Wisdom looked at her in response and asked, with a familiar head-tilt, "What is pride?"

Jo thought about her answer. "Untempered self-absorption? Inordinate self-esteem?

Wisdom looked thoughtful. "Is that it?"

Jo thought critically of the word, and shook her head. "Only when it is held to the extreme. Pride can be justified? A necessary recognition of one's own skills and esteem that can give someone fulfilment and courage."

Wisdom smiled. "Fear?"

"Too much can lead to inaction or irrationality. But it can also strengthen relationships and encourage people to band together. It can encourage people to not take risks heedlessly."

"Rage?"

"Anger pushed to irrational limits. Without temperance it can lead to rash actions, mistakes, unnecessary death. But it is also an emotion that can spurn somebody to action, which could be to defend or protect."

Wisdom's smile grew as she nodded. "So you could argue that everything is necessary?"

Jo frowned. "I understand that everything has its place. But corruption isn't a matter of being and serving a purpose. It's a distortion of purpose. An imbalance. What would happen if you were to get pulled through the Fade?"

This was not a heedless concern. All of the spirits had begun to notice rifts opening throughout the Fade that seemed to suffocate space and prompt changes in the nature of the spirits surrounding it. Jo was aware of their caution, and the journey they were making towards an imperious palace of black that stood in the background.

Wisdom smiled. "What needs to happen will be."

Jo's frown deepened. "You know how I feel about that."

Wisdom smile remained as she blinked and looked away.

"Just remember the importance of temperance."

At some point during the travels, Jo had remembered her backpack, and had stopped to look inside of it anxiously. Please let it be okay, she chanted to herself as she grabbed the camera case and peered inside.

She breathed a sigh of relief as she realized that nothing was cracked, and attempted to turn it on. The light blinked, and it turned on, and Jo felt almost irrationally happy. Curiosity overcame her, and she walked over to a ledge ignoring the attention from her group of spirits nearby. Ahead of her the view was as breathtaking as it was terrifying. A long expansion of cracked earth across a flat plain was all that was between us and the black palace, and the entire field was littered with large, glowing rifts. The green energy seemed to rise, slightly distorting the air above it. The sky glimmered almost threateningly. Jo snapped a couple of pictures once she could bring myself to stop staring in dread.

Jo anxiously looked back at the camera to see if it had saved. It had. She didn't know how to feel about that, before she turned around to face the spirits. "Do you mind if I take a picture?"

Once she had explained and showed them what a camera was, Valor was the first to offer himself up. The camera clicked, and an image appeared, but all that could be seen of the spirit was a dim outline of his form and face. Not the bodily image Jo was staring at over the top of the camera.

He demanded to see himself, and then laughed when she showed it to him. She snapped another at a pride demon against a backdrop of red stone, which took far better. Wisdom had nodded after Jo showed her the difference. "Relevance and prevalence. I suspect this is due to our limited interactions with humans."

Even so, Jo wanted something to remember them by. She had a strong feeling that her many new spirit friends were preparing to depart, anxious to reach out to more dreamers in need. She took out her sketchbook and colored pencils, and they looked at her with indulgent expressions as she drew. Looking up at Wisdom, the two shared quiet smiles.

Jolina got lost only once. She had stopped to pick up a letter, and it had taken a few minutes for her to will herself to understand the script. It had been heart wrenching, similar to many of her other experiences in the fade. A mother, a mage from the White Spire, had gotten pregnant from a Templar and made a mad dash in order to save the baby's life. She had escaped and was taken in by a sympathetic family long enough to have the child, but had been forced on the run as the baby's father noticed her absence and led a group of soldiers in the pursuit of her capture.

She had crouched in a ditch, desperate, but the baby wouldn't stop crying. The mother's fear flooded them both, and through her tears the woman had tried to silence the babe by placing her hand over his mouth. She hadn't realized that his nose was full of snot, suffering a cold from being exposed to the elements, and only a minute had passed before she noticed he wasn't breathing at all. She tried everything she could to get him to breathe, but when nothing worked, grief and guilt and torment had spiraled until she was screaming in agony.

The Templars had found her rather quickly after that, but holding the dead babe they assumed the worst and pierced into her with a blade.

The letter read like a suicide note, and Jo noticed the tears streaming down her eyes just about the same time she realized she was all alone.

She started up in panic, especially when she noticed a terror demon rapidly approaching in her direction. She had been about to will her daggers when she saw a floating ball of light dancing in the air in front of her.

"Are you a wi-, a wisp?" Jo had whispered through her tears.

The ball bounced an affirmative, and Jo felt hope grip her heart.

"Can you lead me to my friend Wisdom?"

Again the ball bounced. Jo turned and reverently placed the letter back on the stone whispering the woman's name. "Isabel." She then turned back towards the beautiful ball of light and gestured ahead of her with her fingers. The wisp understood, and bounded forward much more quickly than Jo had anticipated.

Before she knew it, she was sprinted through the fade, jumping over holes and clouds of dust the orb of light flew through, until she ran into a familiar group of spirits. They had anticipated her return, and each gave her a look that signaled strength. Jo grinned.

They had been traveling for some time, Jo stopping to take pictures or sketch things of interest at random intervals, when they were met by another traveler. But this was no transparent ghost, or embodiment of emotion. He wore a grey and green tunic top, breeches, and a necklace crafted from an animal jawbone. He was bald, with point ears, and a staff was strapped to his back. Even with so many recognizable features, it took a few minutes for Jo to remember Solas.

The reality of his presence seemed to crash into her. When she had first arrived she had been forced to consider the reality of Dragon Age, but time and space had separated that realization, so his presence came as something of a shock. He seemed equally surprised at her presence.

Neither spoke. Wisdom was watching them both with amusement. Solas took a step forwards, suddenly scowling, and Jo darted behind Valor, peeking over the spirit's shoulder hesitantly. Valor's laughter at being treated as a shield echoed the surrounded rocks, and he slowly turned and pushed her forward. She stared at the spirit incredulously. "I can't take him," she stated with wide-eyed certainty.

"You won't need to," he assured, pushing her forward towards the elf. Jo held her hands out in front of her, nervously picking on threads coming out of the bottom of her exposed tank top, as she brought her eyes up to meet his.

But Solas wasn't look at her. He addressed Wisdom in a language Jo didn't understand, but which she thought might be Elven. She tried to will understanding, but the conversation remained incomprehensible. Their interplay continued, and Jo grew steadily more anxious as time went on. Finally, he stopped to look at her.

"You shouldn't be here."

Jo felt her eyebrow raise at his tone. So? She was already here, and it is not as if she knew how to leave. After a few moments of silence Solas continued, "How long have you been here?"

Jo remained silent, still nervous in front of the elf, but confused because the question didn't make any sense. Time didn't seem to exist in this realm the same way it had in hers. How would she know what to tell him?

He seemed to realize, as he sighed. "My apologies. I am just surprised at your presence. But you need to leave. Humans are not supposed to spend time physically in the Fade."

Jo had planned to keep her mouth shut, until Wisdom prodded her with a black foot, an expectant expression on her face. Jo surrendered. "I do not know how to leave."

The elf frowned. "How did you get here?"

"I was pulled through a rift."

"And you never thought to try to go back through it?"

"Which one?" Jo was fairly certain that the rift she had first gone through had vanished. In fact, she didn't remember any rifts being present in the area that she first appeared in. And she was nervous to consider throwing herself into the holes at random. What if they led to different worlds? What if she got trapped in some kind of dystopian apocalypse?

The elf frowned, and then turned back to the band of spirits. "Thank you, but I can help her from here."

Jo frowned in consternation. She didn't want them to go. They were her friends. But before she could say anything, they had trotted over to her (or glided in Hope's case), said their farewells, and disappeared into the ether. Only Wisdom remained.

The disappointment and anger flared before Jo forced herself to acknowledge that they had been planning to leave soon anyways. It would be unfair to pin these emotions on an individual who seemed as though he was planning to help. Wisdom smiled brightly at her, as if proud and happy at her thought-process. Jo looked up at him, and he had grabbed his staff from his back and pointed into the field of rifts. The way he looked back at her made her think that the trepidation she felt inside was being advertised across her face. He held out his hand with a frown. Jo was uncertain, and afraid, but he waited much the same as Wisdom had until she reached forward to grasp his palm.

It took a rather long time for the elf to find the exact rift he was looking for. "There," he stated, "this one should be relatively close to our camp. Wait a few minutes after I leave before jumping so I can assure we are there to fight the demons off after you arrive."

Jo nodded, and the man disappeared. She turned back to Wisdom, and could not stop herself from flinging her arms around the woman. She looked back into her face. "I will never forget you," Jo stated, and Wisdom's smile stretched as she returned the hug. "Nor I you."

When she was released Wisdom disappeared much as the other spirits had, and Jo had to fortify herself with a deep breath as she stared into the pulsing green hole. Now or never. She charged, the memory of Valor's steel courage leading her through the hole. And then gravity reasserted itself without mercy, and Jo struggled to breath as her back and head erupted in pain.

Fuck.

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