Will had put up a fight when he realised that he would be riding home on Nico's motorcycle.
"I'm not getting on that thing!"
"Yes, you are, Solace."
"Do you have any idea how many people die when they get in an accident on a motorcycle?"
"No, but I have no doubt that you'll tell me."
"Darn right I will. Thirty times more than people in cars! You're riding a death trap!"
"I have a helmet."
Will looked triumphant for a moment. "Yeah, you do. I'm not getting on that thing without a helmet, and I'm not letting you drive it without a helmet, either."
So Nico handed him the spare helmet he always had with him. He grinned at Will. "Here you go," Nico laughed when the victorious expression slid off Will's face. Reluctantly, Will put on the helmet.
Nico climbed onto the motorcycle. "Get on, Will."
Will climbed on behind Nico. Hesitantly, Will put his hands around Nico's waist. "A little tighter, Will. Don't want you to fall off."
Grumbling, Will obliged. "You'll stay within the speed limit, right?" he begged.
Nico laughed. "Sure, Sunshine." Will gave him his address, and Nico drove off.
It was very late when Nico arrived back at the mansion. He went inside quietly, hoping not to disturb anyone. He had made it all the way to the door of his room when he heard someone call his name.
"Nico,"
He turned around. "Persephone," he acknowledged.
She looked very unsure, very uncertain. It was odd; usually she was cool and confident. "Nico, are- are you okay?"
Nico furrowed his eyebrows. "...Yes?" he said slowly.
A look of pure relief crossed her features. "Good. Good."
Nico put his hand on the doorknob that led to his room, but then took it back off and looked at Persephone. "Are you okay?"
She gave him a small smile. "Yes. I just- have you seen the news today?"
Nico was sure she could she on his face just how crazy he thought she was. "No, I haven't."
"Come in here, then, just for a moment,"
He followed Persephone into the room she shared with Hades. The TV was still on, and it was turned to the news. The headline read:
THREE TEENS SEVERELY INJURED IN MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT. TWO UNIDENTIFIED.
"They haven't shown the drivers," she whispered. "I was afraid you were involved. I know you took your motorcycle to wherever-it-is you went today."
Nico tore his gaze from the TV and stared at his stepmother. "You...thought I was in an accident?"
"It's not that I don't think you're a capable driver," She said quickly. "I was just concerned that-"
"I thought you hated me!" Nico interrupted.
Persephone stared at him. "No," she said, so quietly that he could barely hear her. "No, I don't hate you, Nico. I-" She sighed. "You and I are alike in the aspect that we don't like people getting too close. I know that you feel like I'm some sort of replacement for your mother and sister-" Nico winced. Even now, mentions of them burned like fire. "-but I really do love Hades, and I know he loves me. He's the only one who's ever tried to get closer to me, who hasn't been deterred by my apathetic attitude. I've been afraid to let you close, Nico." She walked towards him and put a hand on his shoulder. "We're both stubborn. When you gave me that...ah….passionate bouquet, I accepted you as a worthy adversary. I thought that since you were determined to keep yourself distanced from me, I would be able to distance myself from you with ease. We both use coldness as a shield. And I think that we both subconsciously used that to protect ourselves from each other. And I'll admit, for a long time you were a reminder of Hades' life before me. And I was jealous. But you've become an important part of my life since then. And when I saw the news tonight…" She screwed her eyes shut. "I was so afraid."
"But my- my arrhythmia." It was the first time Nico had verbally acknowledged the condition. "You told me to try not to land myself in the hospital so you wouldn't have to pay the bill."
She looked ashamed. "I'm a messy person, Nico." She whispered. "That was my way of trying to tell you to be careful. I grew up in an environment where showing affection for someone was a weakness."
"It is," Nico replied without thinking.
Her eyes widened and filled with tears at his statement. She actually took his face in her hands, forcing Nico to meet her eyes. "No," her words were filled with sincerity and sadness. "It's not. Please listen to me, Nico. I won't have you make the same mistake I did. Loving someone, caring about someone, it doesn't ever affect you negatively. Loving makes you stronger. There's strength in numbers, right? If you have people who love you, and you love them, then you're stronger than you would be on your own."
Nico's eyes started watering, to his frustration. "It's so damn hard," he whispered. "Letting people in. L-loving."
"I know. Believe me, I know. But trust me when I say it's worth it. Every fight, every tear, every struggle...When you have someone to stand by you, who'll help you and care for you no matter how messed up you are, it makes everything worth it."
"I'm too messed up," he murmured, not meaning for Persephone to hear it.
She wrapped her arms around him tightly. "Don't ever think that. Never. We're all broken, Nico. We all need help. Even the person with the sunniest smile is full of cracks."
Nico thought of Will, and how happy he always seemed. Until Percy had yelled at him in a moment of anger. Until Octavian.
"Nico, promise me that you'll try to open up more. To just one person. Promise me that you'll make an effort to love someone. That person will not be your weakness, Nico. They'll be your strength."
The dam broke. Nico didn't understand why he was crying. He hadn't cried in years. It was amazing how quickly you could go from hating someone to liking them- to needing them. He didn't love Persephone, but he could let her be a part of his life. He could try to depend on her. But she was asking a lot of him. Opening up to people was one thing. So was making friends. But making an effort to love someone, to let them love him? That was hard. That was terrifying.
He thought about Will, about how he thought just that afternoon that he could love him. Will was a guy. Not a girl. Nico was gay. Trying to love someone would mean showing everyone his sexuality. Some people saw homosexuality as a sin. As something disgusting. Something that needed to be fixed. Nico needed to be fixed for so many reasons, but he couldn't deal with the idea of someone trying to fix how he loved.
He panicked. "I- I can't,"
She looked devastated. "Why, Nico? Why not?"
Something in him snapped. "I'm gay!"
She pulled away just enough to look him in the eyes. Her hazel eyes bore into his obsidian ones. "That is okay. That changes nothing-"
"But it does," Nico whispered. "People try to- to fix people like me. They think I'll end up in Hell. I can't control how I feel, Persephone. Loving is dangerous."
She took his face in her hands again. "You're right; loving is dangerous. It's dangerous letting people love you; you never know who will get hurt. But when you choose the right person- no, when the right person enters your heart- and they will, Nico, inevitably- then you won't be hurt at all; you'll be healed. I promise love makes life worth living. But you have to be willing to try, not matter the consequences."
Nico smiled wryly. "How do you know I'm not aromantic?"
Persephone looked at him. "Well, you just said you were gay, and I can also see it in your eyes. You crave love, Nico, but you're terrified of it."
And that, Nico thought, is the horrible truth.
"Why the sudden heart-to-heart?" he inquired instead of verbally acknowledging that truth.
"Honestly?" Persephone laughed softly. "I have no idea. Maybe I don't want you to feel like you can't be loved, maybe I don't want you to be as lonely as I was, maybe the exhaustion is getting to me. We don't know why some things happen- all we know is that they are happening. And perhaps that's what makes life exciting, makes it all feel rewarding in the end. Because we took what happened to us and made something of it, whether that thing happened to be good or bad. We control the repercussions of our life, and we get to wonder why along the way."
"You seem strangely wise tonight."
"I feel as though I've lived for eons. Who knows, maybe I have."
Nico swallowed. "What...did you go through?" He continued quickly. "I mean, you speak so surely about this-"
Persephone cut him off. "I don't mind you asking. It's good to ask people questions, by the way." She looked at him like she knew all his doubts about asking people about themselves. "In college I was in this relationship with this guy. Long story short, I fell hard for him. He dumped me the second I told him I loved him. I won't waste your time telling you how much that hurt. I was heartbroken. I tried asking for help, but, as you know, my mother isn't the most sympathetic creature, and my father has been out of the picture for a long time. I shut down. Friends left, people stopped asking me if they could help. I can't blame them. It's hard to take care of someone who keeps pushing you away. The point is- I felt worthless.I was rejected the second I let someone get close to my heart. I started doing what you do, Nico, and what I still do. I was cold. I knew people would stop trying, and they did. But then your father came along. He kept persisting. He found a way through my defenses and, as cliche as it sounds, I have no idea how he did it. We fell in love. This time I wasn't rejected, and it developed into something beautiful. Letting him love me was the best decision I ever made.
"Then I met you. I admit, at first you and Hazel made me feel bitter. It reminded me that Hades had loved two other women enough to have children with them, and I felt like a replacement, or a substitution, especially since I've decided never to have kids. But I still loved Hades, and I knew he loved me. But old habits die hard. I've been trying to avoid rejection by keeping you and Hazel as far from me as possible. But I thought you had gotten hurt tonight. Very hurt. Nico, I was so, so scared. It's never occurred to me that I could lose you so suddenly. I thought I could ease you into my life- I never thought about my role in your life. And I realized how I must have seemed. I- I am so sorry, Nico."
Nico thought of all the things this woman had been through. He thought of all the things she'd done to him, what she'd made him feel. But he also realized that this was her defense mechanism- one that was very similar to his own. He could understand. And, surprisingly, he could forgive. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around his stepmother. "I'm sorry, too."
They weren't perfect. Far from it, in fact. Recovery was a long process. But they could start it together.
Nico ran into Will the at school the following week. He walked up to him and they started talking. Nico realized how easy it was to talk to Will. He found himself telling him all about what had happened with Persephone (well, the key points. Meaning that they had made peace with each other.), and how he was planning to call Hazel later that day. Will had positively beamed at him. There was still something Nico wanted desperately to know, but he wasn't sure how much Will would be willing to tell him. Then he thought about what Persephone had said, that it was okay to ask people questions. So decided to go for it.
"So...how did everything go with Octavian?"
Will sighed. "He's so immature. He's constantly complaining about everything, and he does stuff to try and get a reaction out of people. Honestly, I don't know how he convinces people to let him lead them. His only reasons for doing anything are that he doesn't like someone, so neither should anyone else, or that it will somehow save everyone. From what, I have no idea. If he was in a government position, I'm pretty sure he'd already be assassinated."
Nico barked out a laugh, and Will smiled back at him. Then Nico composed himself and said, "You didn't answer my question, though. How's he been treating you guys?"
Will was quiet for a minute, and then he spoke. "He's been...decent? I mean, it's by no means even remotely nice living with him, but he could be worse. It's just insult after insult with him, and it's getting old very quickly."
Nico clenched his fists in frustration. "I wish I could get you out of there. You don't deserve any of what he tells you, Will. I-"
Will stopped walking and put a hand on Nico's arm. "It's okay, Nico. I'm used to it. Besides, he'll be gone-"
Nico snapped back. "It's not okay! You shouldn't be used to it! Will, you shouldn't have to count down the days until your brother leaves, and you shouldn't have to take care of your siblings, either." Nico couldn't leave Will to fend for five people, plus himself. But what could he do? Not much. "You should...we could-"
"Nico, it's okay. I can survive Octavian Aeron. Now, how are you feeling? Not lightheaded, or anything?"
Nico rolled his eyes. "My heart is fine right now, Sunshine." Especially since you're here.
"Nico di Angelo!"
Nico and Will both froze. Drew grabbed Nico's arm and yanked on it so that he was facing her.
"You've been avoiding me," she hissed. "Need I remind you of our deal, di Angelo?"
"No," Nico whispered.
"Where have you been?"
"Around."
"That's not an answer and you know it."
"I was recovering from that fight with Luke."
She glared at him. "Walk me to class." And she forcefully joined their hands, dragging him to her first period class.
"Bye, Will."
"Bye, Nico."
"I'm not happy at all, Nico."
"I know. But I really was recovering."
"Hold up your side of the deal, Nico, or get exposed."
He let go of her hand. "I'm starting to wonder if 'being exposed' is such a bad thing."
She whipped around faster than the strike of a rattlesnake. "Really? You know, I know things that lots of people in this school would like to be kept secret. Percy Jackson's crush on nerdy Annabeth Chase, for instance. Jason Grace's feelings for Piper McLean-"
"They could recover from that-"
"Will Solace's father's comments. Will's dead brothers, how their death was his fault. Octavian Aeron and Will. Will Solace's crush."
Nico was silent. "You don't know what you're talking about," he finally whispered.
She smirked. "Oh, but I do. And soon the whole school will know. Unless you hold up your side of our bargain."
"Why are you bringing Will into this? He's done nothing to you."
Drew snorted. "This isn't some game, honey. This is real life, and I don't need a reason to bring anyone into anything. If I need to, then I will. Now, what's your choice?"
Nico laced their fingers back together.
Drew smiled. "Good."
Nico had been keeping Drew close to him all day. It was exhausting. He had draped his arm over her shoulders, had walked he to class, had carried her textbooks, had spoon fed her at lunch, and had even kissed her on the cheek. He promised himself he would use mouthwash as soon as he got home.
Nico kept reminding himself that this was all for Will. That boy had done so much for Nico, even though he was going through so much, that this was the least Nico could do to repay him.
His phone vibrated. Nico fished it out of his pocket and unlocked it. It was a text from Will.
From: Sunshine
Can you meet me after school today? At the town park?
Nico quickly typed back his reply.
To: Sunshine
Sure.
Nico even let Persephone know where he was going. This whole caring thing was getting easier.
"Nico, right?"
Nico turned around and was face to face with a grey-eyed girl with curly blonde hair. "Uh, yeah?"
She stuck out her hand. "I'm Annabeth Chase."
He shoot the offered hand. "Nico di Angelo."
"I wanted to ask you something."
"Shoot,"
"You know Percy Jackson, right? I mean, on a personal level."
"...Yes?"
She looked slightly embarrassed, and her cheeks flushed just the tiniest bit. "It's just- I was wondering if...you could tell me just a little about him? Just enough so that I know he's not some conceited jerk like Luke was."
"Wait," Nico said. "You dated Luke?" How revolting.
Annabeth blushed. "I went on a total of three dates with him. Worst mistake of my life."
Nico raised his eyebrows, but he didn't comment on her evidently poor judgement. "Well, Percy is nothing like Luke. I guess the main thing to know about Percy is that he's loyal to a fault." Here Nico looked Annabeth dead in the eye. "So don't let me hear that you played around with him, got it?"
Annabeth looked offended. "I would never!"
Nico looked at her, unimpressed. "If anything, it's easier to lie to someone than to tell them the truth."
Annabeth stared at him for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I suppose you're right." Then she added quietly, "Has…has anyone ever messed with him before?"
"It's not my place to tell."
"Of course. Sorry," she amended.
"Can I help you with anything else?"
"No, that's it. Thank you, Nico." Annabeth Chase walked away, blonde curls bouncing.
"Nico!"
Nico turned around to see Percy running toward him. When he caught up to Nico, he said, "What did she want? Did she mention me? Does she like me? Does- does she know I like her?"
Nico rolled his eyes. "She was just asking me a question."
"Well, yeah, but what about?"
Nico grinned evilly. "I guess you'll never know."
Percy gaped at him. "Nico! That's not fair! Please, please tell me!"
He pretended to think about it. "No,"
"And here I was, thinking that my own cousin might actually love me."
"Well, I've tried telling you you're delusional."
"That burns, Nico. That burns."
Nico laughed and walked away. As he was passing by an adjacent hallway, someone grabbed his arm and pulled him into said hallway. He kept getting pushed and pulled today. "What the-"
"Shhhh!" A hand was clapped over his mouth. The owner of the voice dragged him behind a set of lockers. A moment later he heard the click of high heels walking through the hallway he had just been in himself. Then he heard Drew's voice. Close call, he thought.
The hand disappeared from his mouth. He turned around to see who his assaulter and/or rescuer was. His eyes fell on a Cherokee girl with kaleidoscope eyes. Her brown hair was cut unevenly, almost as if she had used a dull blade to hack the pieces off herself. It was braided, and in that braid was a yellow feather. Nico thought it contrasted with her skin nicely.
"Who are you?" He asked.
"I'm Piper McLean," she told him. "I'd like to know what possessed you to date Drew Tanaka."
Straightforward, Nico thought. He could appreciate that.
"Nothing possessed me. I liked her, so I started dating her."
Piper stared at him for a long time. Then she said, "I observe a lot of people, which is something I think you can relate to. And when you observe people, you really learn things about them. I've observed you, and I don't think you're the type to date someone like Drew."
"Just because you 'observe' people doesn't mean you instantly know everything about them."
"I didn't say that,"
"Yet you think it,"
She flushed. "Listen, di Angelo, I never claimed to know everything about anyone. I believe in judging a person only after you know them inside and out. I-"
"Then why did you automatically assume that I don't like Drew? I thought you had to know a person 'inside and out' first."
"To judge them as a person! But you can make small little discoveries without knowing them."
"I should go."
"No, don't," She grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry, okay? But I just want to know why you're dating her."
"I don't ask you about what guys you're interested in. I ask that you do the same."
Piper huffed. "Why are you so curt and antisocial?"
Nico looked her dead in the eye and said, "Not all of us lead privileged lives, McLean. Different people have different ways to cope with...negative events. Or did your observations tell you otherwise?"
Piper glared at him. "That's not fair and you know it. I'm trying to learn more about you, Nico. All anyone knows about you are rumors."
"That's not true. There are people who know me, at least a little. Look, Piper, I don't trust easily. People hear things and they morph them into ugly rumors and lies. I don't like feeding gossip."
"But don't you want to prove the rumors false?"
"Honestly?" Nico asked. "I don't care. Can I help you with anything else, Piper?" He had meant it to be sarcastic, but she answered anyway.
"Yeah. Give this to Jason and tell him I'm tired of waiting around." She handed him a slip of paper.
Nico sighed. "Alright. I'm going to assume you mean Jason Grace." She nodded, and Nico left before she could say anything else.
Riding his motorcycle was grounding in the sense that it was so freeing. He felt connected because he felt like his problems and worries weren't attached to him anymore. The wind whipping at his face, the ease with which he wove between cars, even the biting cold of the air made him feel alive and content. It was Nico's favorite feeling in the world.
Nico arrived at the park and somewhat reluctantly dismounted his motorcycle. He looked around for Will, and soon saw him sitting against a tree trunk. Nico walked over and sat down next to him.
"Hey. What's up?"
Will smiled at him a little sadly. "I wanted to ask you that. Nico, in all honestly, are you okay? I mean, you don't have to tell me, but this whole Drew thing seems to be having a really negative affect-"
"I'll tell you," Nico said, surprising himself as much as Will. "I can't tell you all of it, but I can give you the general idea."
Will smiled at him, softly, warmly. His eyes were shining with a fondness that no one had looked at Nico with in a long time. In that moment, Nico decided that Will's eyes were the color of lapis lazuli. 'Cornflower' and 'cerulean' blue didn't convey how valuable Will's eyes could make someone feel. Yeah, Nico decided on lapis lazuli blue. "I'm listening,"
Nico swallowed, then began. "You know that I want to keep the arrhythmia a secret,"
Will nodded. "I do, but I don't understand why."
Nico's eyes bore into Will's. "Please try to understand," he begged. "I can't have a weakness. People exploit weaknesses and then use them to their advantage. Which is what Drew is doing-"
Will sat bolt upright. "What do you mean? How?"
"She doesn't know about the arrhythmia," Nico said quickly. "But she knew that whatever it was, I wouldn't want the whole school to know about it. So she made me a deal. She said that if I agreed to become her boyfriend, she would cover up the cafeteria episode, and any other symptoms. She's popular, she's in contact with the right people to make it believable. I agreed."
"But Nico-!"
"I know it seems stupid. But I need to keep up this cover. I can't afford to have any weaknesses. Weaknesses kill people. I can't have someone die because of me. Not again." He said the last part as a whisper. Nico felt strong arms wrap around him, and he let himself be embraced by Will. "This was before I got to know you," Nico said softly. "I want to back out of this deal, but she's holding other people's secrets above my head. She basically threatened to humiliate them. I can't do that to other people, Will."
"I know, Nico. But please believe me when I say that what happened to Bianca and your mother was not your fault. You couldn't have stopped it. And...people can get over humiliation. Sure, it make make their lives hard for a while, but it will eventually fade away. Besides, five years from now, no one is gonna care about who did what in high school. They'll have other things to worry about."
"But...it's extremely sensitive information she has over one person in particular. I have no idea how she knows this about them, but she does, and-"
"You're talking about me, aren't you." Will didn't phrase it as a question.
Nico pulled away and stared at his friend. "How did you know?"
Will sighed, looking weary and defeated. Nico didn't like it at all. "Octavian and Drew know each other."
Nico gaped at him. "How?"
Will shrugged. "Maybe they were both at a jerks' convention. Who knows. I'm sure Octavian was ecstatic to figure out we went to school together. He probably told her. Tell me, what else did her little 'deal' contain?"
Nico shrugged, wrinkling his nose. "Just...touching. PDA."
"I thought you had a no-touching rule,"
"I do."
Will nearly exploded. "She can't do that! There are people who don't like to be touched because of past traumatic events!" Will inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "You're telling her tomorrow that the deal is off. I don't care what she leaks to the school; I'm not letting her hold this over your head."
"But, Will!"
"No." Will looked Nico dead in his obsidian eyes. "If you don't, I will. This isn't okay. It's really not that big a deal that people know about my dad, anyway." Seeing Nico's uncertain expression, he added, "Please, Nico. Secrets always come out into the open anyway. It's just revealing the inevitable sooner."
Nico looked at this wonderful boy, this beautiful person who was willing to divulge his secrets to protect Nico. No one had ever cared for him like that. Never. But Will and I are just friends, he reminded himself. Will cares about many people very deeply, and I'm lucky to be one of them. But we're just friends. Nothing more.
Nico searched those lapis lazuli pools and said the words that he was sure would cost Will something, even if neither of them could predict the repercussions. Once he said them, he wouldn't be able to back out. He couldn't break a promise to Will. But he said them anyway. "Okay."