Chapter Ten

Soldier

Paige and Jeffrey both listened with stoic faces as Ruby did her best to explain the situation. They had moved the broken fan against the wall and had been worried for a while that someone may have heard the crash but nobody showed up. It was after hours, after all, and most teachers had gone home.

"…And saving you has moved you to the end of that list. You're not safe, not by any means, but at least we prevented your death for now." Ruby finished with a worried expression. She tried to read the two faces in front of her, trying to gauge a reaction. Paige seemed interested but also seemed to have some kind of disbelief in her eyes. Jeffrey's arms had folded over his chest and he was staring at Ruby intently.

After a long pause Jeffrey slowly stood up and walked over to the window, glancing out over the college grounds, clasping his long fingers behind his back. "Four years ago I would have instantly thought you crazy, Ruby. I would have said you were talking nonsense and I would have asked you to leave instantly. But… I remember what happened in London. I remember the terror I felt when I saw the skies split open. It wasn't normal. People seemed to either ignore or forget about it but I never did… I'll always remember what I saw in those skies." Jeffrey turned around to face Ruby. "I think you believe that what you are saying is the truth. And… well, I have nothing to prove that it is the truth. But I also have nothing proving that it isn't. All I know is what just happened. That fan did fall and you were here to prevent it hitting me. I can't see any way you would have known it was going to happen. So… For now… I tentatively believe in what you are saying. At the very least I am open to it."

"Thank you," Ruby nodded, pleased. "It is the best way for us to get through this, if we all work together." She looked to Paige. "And what do you think?"

"…Honestly?" Paige shook her head. "I think it's downright crazy."

"…I see…" Ruby frowned. She had expected Jeffrey to deny her, but not Paige.

"…But, I speak to voices in the sky. I'm used to crazy. Crazy is the way of life for me." Paige cracked her knuckles outwards, smiling at Ruby. "So I'm in. I want to help any way I can."

"Great. That's really brilliant," Ruby let out a relieved sigh. "I need to find four more students, the ones that were on your minibus this morning." She looked to Jeffrey.

"I know who they are but I wouldn't know where to find them… I'm a bus driver, not a teacher. Maybe I can talk to the faculty?" Jeffrey frowned. "Although I don't know what reason I can give them."

"That's not necessary." Paige said. "I'll be able to talk to them tomorrow. They'll all be here for lessons so it should be easy."

"Is it possible to find them tonight?" Ruby asked.

Paige shook her head. "I don't think so."

"…Well, nothing we can do about that then." Ruby sighed, annoyed that she had to wait until tomorrow to get the other students but knowing she had no other choice. She flicked out her phone to text Tanzi and realised that she had missed a text. "One second…" Ruby scanned over the message. Tanzi had found the homeless man, it seemed. She said she was going to go up to him and see if she can get him to stay until Ruby could get there. "Damn," Ruby cursed. "I need to get to Tanzi."

"Wrong, we need to get to her." Paige looked to Jeffrey. "You got a car, right?"

"I do," Jeffrey said slowly before nodding to himself. "Okay. I've already said I'm willing to go along with this for now. Tell me where to go and I'll drive us there."

Tanzi had sat across from Daniel for nearly five minutes. He hadn't noticed her – or if he had, he was actively ignoring her; just eating from his bowl slowly, his eyes downcast at the table. Tanzi was extremely nervous. The man looked rough. The features on his weathered face were sharp, his eyes surrounded by dark rings as if he hadn't slept in a long time, and his arms and fingers tended to twitch every now and again. But she had to talk to him. She had to make sure he stayed here until Ruby got here to help.

She cleared her throat.

Daniel immediately glanced up at her. "What do you want!?" His voice was aggressive and clearly filled with anger.

"H-Hi… I'm Tanzi… My father is a friend of yours-"

"I have no friends. Piss off."

"…Ah… He was feeling—"

"I said piss off," Daniel spat on the ground. "Or do you not understand English. Fuckin' Japs… Never knew when to quit. So fuck off!"

Tanzi drew back in surprise, taken aback by the man's aggressiveness. Just what could make a man act like this? But no… she couldn't let his attitude change her mind. She had to make sure Daniel was here when Ruby arrived. "H-How long have you been like this?"

Daniel's eyebrow twitched as he stared at Tanzi. "Like this? Like what? Like the wreck that I am? Long enough, Missy, long enough to know right from wrong and wrong from right and long enough to know where people are pokin' their noses where they don't belong. You know what? Screw this and screw you and screw this whole damn thing!" Daniel slammed his fist on the table, drawing concerned gazes from across the room. His voice had risen as he spoke. "What do you care about me, huh!? You don't know me! I don't know you! What the actual fuck do you care?! Acting concerned, acting high and mighty, like you're on top of the world, like you're above me! Above me!? Ain't no-one above me, no, no, no, I'm above me, that's what it is, that's how it is! I make my decisions and I live with them! My choices are my choices and ain't nothing going to change that!" Daniel's face was red as he pushed away from the table, clutching his arm. "I need more… more, more… I need it... I need it…"

"Please, sit down…" Tanzi slowly stood up. A thought occurred to her. "You are right. I don't know about you. Would you like to tell me about yourself?" Daniel's eyes narrowed and he looked in suspicion as he rubbed his arm. "I'll listen. Please?"

"No-one's asked about me before." Daniel murmured, reluctantly sitting down. "They look at me and they-they see an addict… They see a man lost on his luck and they assume that they're better…" Daniel shook his head, his voice grown soft now, almost too low for Tanzi to hear. "They walk past me and they throw money at my feet. I don't want their money! I… I…" Daniel picked up his spoon and gently rubbed it against the table, almost looking like a sheepish child. "…I just want a life…" He looked up to Tanzi, tears in his eyes now, glittering in the light of the shelter. His emotions were changing as quick and sudden as a thought. "…I used to be a hero! I used to… I used to be a man who held respect! I… I've done so much… done so much…" The spoon dropped with a clatter against the table and Daniel held his scarred hands in front of him, the digits shaking. "…Blood on my hands… so much blood… and why? What for? 'Cause I was told to? What if I said no… I could never say no… I wasn't allowed to say no…"

Daniel's voice slowly turned into a mumble and Tanzi couldn't even hear his words anymore. It was clear this man was scarred beyond repair. His mind was in shambles and Tanzi could only feel pity. Pity with a sense of familiarity. In some ways, he reminded her of her mother. On the days Tanzi's mother could remember her past, she spoke of it in nonsense words and false facts. Seeing Daniel like this tore a familiar hole in Tanzi's heart – one she had tried to escape when she moved away from home and came here to Eastbourne.

As Tanzi watched Daniel murmur to himself, she suddenly felt her chest constrict.

Green and brown mixed together and spread out in a great, vast plain. Dotted around this plain were splashes of vibrant red – speaking of pain and regret. A figure stood in the middle of this plane of oily darkness, his figure straight and proud. She could see stripes and pins on his breast, could make out a well-cared for uniform. She could tell by looking: this man was a soldier, this man was a hero. He was proud in what he did yet also regretted decisions he made. The man's eyes would slowly flit towards the patches of red, as if he knew exactly why they were there, as if there was a story for each one that he was directly responsible for.

Slowly the brown, green, and red melted away, to be replaced with a swirling grey. The man slowly became dishevelled, his blurred appearance becoming even more disorientating. He sunk to his knees as if the whole weight of the world was on his shoulders. His body grew thin, grew decrepit. She could tell that once he had everything and now he had nothing. She could see the regrets pushing him to the floor, could see the crimson on his hands. Something slowly spread out from the man's feet – something clear in the otherwise blurry surroundings. It was a train track; She could clearly make out the old wooden timbers spreading out and splitting in other directions.

When She looked back to the man, he was curled up in a foetal position on the floor, his arms covered in small holes. There was no sign of the proud man that once fought for his country. Now there was only a pathetic shell of a human being, unwilling to take any of the tracks that spread out in front of him. Every one led to a new life but he was unwilling – or unable – to take them.

Tanzi suddenly shivered and stared straight into the angry face of Daniel. "You're not even listening to me… You… you asked me! You fuckin' asked me and you don't even listen! Makin' a fool of Daniel, making a fool of me!" Daniel stood back up in a fury. "No! No, no, no! Not happenin', no more!" He spun and started rapidly walking away from the table.

Tanzi also quickly stood up. "Wait! Daniel!" She started after him but the man glanced over his shoulder and hurried out into the road. Tanzi pushed open the door, ignoring the glances of the lady who had greeted her. "Daniel!" Daniel stood in the middle of the small road, clutching his shoulder. "Stop! I know what you've been through—"

"YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!" Daniel roared, spittle flying out of his mouth. "You're a girl who speaks nonsense. You don't know me and you don't know my life! No one does! Not even Daniel! …I don't have a life! I don't have one, I don't , I won't, I can't, I will not be ridiculed!" He started off at a quick pace again.

"Daniel!"

"Don't follow me! Get the fuck away from me!" He increased his pace. "I don't want to talk to you!"

"You're in danger, Daniel! Please, you need to listen to me—"

"Danger!? Danger!? I'm not in danger, girl, you're in danger… you don't know me, you don't know what I'm capable of doing!" He spoke as he walked, not even looking to Tanzi. "I'm a killer, and I'll kill you if you're not careful! I don't even need to be ordered to so go away, go away, go away… go away!"

"I can't leave you!"

"GO!" Daniel roared out again, his voice echoing over the walls. He started jogging now, emerging onto the main road. He pushed past other people walking, ignoring their cries of irritation. Tanzi quickly followed but Daniel broke out into a run, repeatedly crying out, "Go, go, go, go!"

He crossed over a four-way intersection, earning a number of horns blaring out. But the cars stopped in time and Daniel made it all the way across, Tanzi close on his heels. That vision had shook her and her instinct had taken over. She had to catch Daniel, she had to stop him. She couldn't let him die.

Daniel turned left and sprinted down a long back-road, which led behind a warehouse. He turned left again down a small dead-end road, ending in overgrown bushes and a broken fence. Behind this broken fence was the large trench where the railway spread through the town. Upon reaching this dead-end he breathed hard and turned around, only to see Tanzi standing in front of him. At his expression, Tanzi quickly raised her hands up to show she wasn't dangerous.

"Please, Daniel… You're in danger. Look, this is going to be unbelievable, but I've had visions—"

"Visions!? You don't know anything about visions! You don't see the bodies! You don't see the men, the woman, the children!" Daniel's face twisted as he stood back. "…The children… I'm a MURDERER! I… I let the needles take my conscience… I let-I let- I let them control me… but nothing, nothing can control me… I'm… I'm…" Daniel took another step back into the grass, his heel pushing into the mud. "What am I?" He looked to Tanzi, evidently expecting an answer.

Tanzi knew she was on fragile glass here. One wrong word and Daniel could lose control. She took in a deep breath before speaking. "You're a soldier, Daniel. You're a proud soldier who served his country."

"Proud!? Proud!?" Daniel took another step back.

"Yes, proud!" Tanzi said firmly. "You may have done things you regret… but because of your actions we can be here like this. You made a difference!"

Daniel shook his head. "No differences made… no ground gained… what I've done… I can't be forgiven for it."

"…I forgive you," Tanzi said, her voice ringing out in Daniel's ears. She took a step forward, raising her hand. "…What happened then… was then. Now is now. Daniel, please, you have your demons, I know… but we all have our demons. We just have to learn to live with them."

"How!? How!?" Daniel demanded.

"…I ran away from mine," Tanzi admitted. It was the first time she had spoken like this. She hadn't even spoken to Ruby about it. She took another step forward. "My father ran away from my family when I was young. I… I hate him for it. I despise him. I had to take care of my brother because my mother… she couldn't remember she even had children. I had to take care of both of them. My brother…" Tanzi gulped but kept her eyes firmly on Daniel. "I lost him as well. An accident, nothing that could be done. But I blamed myself… I blamed my father… I blamed my mother… I blamed everyone I could possibly have blamed. But that didn't bring my brother back. My mother's mind deteriorated, Daniel… She couldn't even remember her own name. She looked at me like I was just another nurse at the hospital!" Tanzi clenched the fist down her side. "So I ran… I ran to here. And you know what, Daniel? I met someone absolutely amazing. A friend that… that brought out the best in me." Tanzi took another step forward and was now close enough that Daniel could grasp her hand if he so pleased. "Her name is Ruby… and she will help you, Daniel. She knows what's going on better than I do. But Ruby… she changed my life. Daniel… If we can, we'd like to change yours too."

"…R-Really… You think… You think I can be changed?"

"I know you can."

Daniel's shoulders shook. "But… the urges… not just the drugs… the other, the other urges…"

"We can help."

"You promise?"

"I do. I promise we will help you Daniel."

Daniel looked to Tanzi and smiled. It lit up his face. No more did he seem like the crazed man he was before. Now he looked almost like the soldier Tanzi had seen in her vision. Proud and respected. He raised his hand to clasp Tanzi's…

Then the ground broke underneath Daniel's heel and his body slipped backwards.

"NO!" Tanzi cried out, diving forward, her knees scraping in the mud. But it was too late. Daniel was already falling, twisting in the air. He let out a sharp, high-pitched cry – which was cut short as he hit the ground, his head bouncing off a metal girder and sending a spray of bright red across the wooden train tracks.