AN : I'm simply obsessed with those two, can't stop thinking about them. I hope you like this one, I'm trying to stay true to their characters as much as possible, but I promise you things are progressing. Also, I pretty much made up my mind about switching to an M rating later on, please tell me if that does not suit you. Elmo13
Another ten days went by. The small fracture in their heads grew wider, allowing more and more current to pass between them until it was easier for Kylo Ren to speak to Rey through thoughts than words. The beaten path between their minds felt oddly familiar, like it was always meant to exist. She could even talk to him when he wasn't at her side, as long as he was close enough.
He knew he shouldn't allow her so willingly into his mind, even if she could just talk to him and not read his thoughts, but he begrudgingly enjoyed the company. It alleviated the loneliness that had hardened his heart for so many years. He could sense she was battling with it too. She wanted to hate their connection, but a part of her craved it.
He checked on her multiple times a day, ensuring that she was still in her cell. She could sense him doing it and would just taunt him for being so paranoid.
He wasn't naive. He knew she was perfecting her Force-attuned skills to eventually escape. He'd relocated his room near hers and removed all the Stormtroopers and other crew from her entire section of the base, knowing the day where she could manipulate them at will was fast approaching. Only the droids were allowed to deliver her food, unless he did it himself, taking a habit of bringing it to her when he could. He realized his behavior was becoming questionable, that she had not given him an inch to work with, not sliver of hope that she was going to accept his offer soon, if ever. But the task of killing her always seemed to be pushed back to tomorrow.
Hux was looking at him funny when he thought he wasn't looking. His master had specifically ordered no one but Kylo Ren was allowed to see the prisoner and it drove Hux nuts. The envious General was clearly dying for her to be put down. He kept asking about her, and Ren was beginning to think something was amiss. Hux resented his relationship with Snoke deeply. He was destined to never be the preferred choice as long as Kylo Ren lived, and that made him dangerous.
He wouldn't hesitate to strike when the opportunity would arise, just like Rey.
Her impending escape no longer resided in the realm of 'if', but rather 'when' she would make her move. He was ready for it, though he didn't like the possibility of someone else finding her before he did, maybe killing her without comprehending the enormity of the moment.
He laid in bed that night thinking up ways to ensure that wouldn't happen when a little tingling behind his eyes warned him Rey was probing into his thoughts unwelcomed. It forced him to concentrate on locking her out, building the wall back up. It was harder than expected and managed to give him a headache. He didn't know whether he wanted to scowl her for being so annoyingly persistent or congratulate her for achieving something she'd tried in vain all week, but either way he couldn't. He'd had to close the link completely to assure nothing important would spill over. See what you did? Now you can't even talk to me, he wished he could say to her.
He tossed and turned in his sheets for a few minutes, infuriated. Finally he decided he wasn't patient enough to wait until the morning to know what she'd seen in his mind. He got up, putting hastily on a pair of black pants and matching shirt. He took the time to tie his belt around his waist, not wanting to ever be seen without his trusty weapon. The corridors were cold and empty except for the maintenance droids. After all, no one was allowed there anymore. No one but him. He liked that.
She didn't turn around when he came in. She was sitting in a lotus position, facing the opposite wall, like she'd been meditating.
"Are you here to kill me because I managed to read your thoughts?" She asked out loud like he was the most predictable man in the galaxy.
"No," he sulked.
"Then why did you come all this way—" she started, unfolding herself from the floor and glancing his way. She stopped and hid a grin in her hand at the sight of him. God, how weird is that? He's all disheveled and barefoot, he must have been in bed or something. She collected herself before continuing: "You could have just as well reopened the connection if you just wanted to talk."
"I can't reopen it while you're being difficult," he seethed through his teeth.
His penetrating gaze was locked on her, like he was waiting for something. He wants to know what I saw, she realized.
"I heard what you were thinking about," she said proudly. "I assure you: the day I escape, I won't be sloppy enough for anyone to catch me, not even you, and especially not Hux."
His eyebrows furrowed, like he was gauging her. "What else did you see?"
"Nothing, you ruined it," she lied.
Here they were, bantering like they had some kind of twisted friendship. He wondered if she was telling the truth, if that was really all she'd gotten from his mind. He hoped so, annoyed that he couldn't really tell.
The smirk on her face melted as she seemed to pounder something important. She needed to be strong and collected, always in control when it came to him, but the situation was so bizarre, anguish was climbing up her throat, menacing to overpower her. She would die if she broke down now, if front of him. She hesitated, a question burning her lips.
She locked eyes with him, conveying with a simple look both a seriousness and vulnerability she'd always hidden in the past before saying: "If you catch me, please don't bring me back here."
Captivity was driving her insane, she would dream every night she broke free, only to wake up in her cell in the morning, and it was starting to break her.
He nodded gravely, understanding her meaning, goosebumps rising up his arms. "When I catch you, it'll be quick, I promise."
She bit her bottom lip and nodded, pestering herself for asking a favor from him. They both stared at each other in silence for the longest time before he returned to his room.
The next day, he was standing next to Hux and Phasma in front of the fleet, Hux was boring everyone with yet another condescending speech. First Order politics.
Kylo Ren was antsy, calculating when he could get away to check on Rey. Probably not for another hour, and he'd probably need to talk to his master after that. A dangerous thought crossed his mind.
What if it had been her strategy all along? Force him to close the link and escape as soon as he did? What if she was roaming the corridors right now, with almost all the soldiers off post? His imagination was running wild. What would he do if he found her stealing a ship or hiding in the forest surrounding the base? He resented the promise she'd stolen from him last night. She was not the one in control, he was. He needed to be. He would bring her back to her cell if he wanted to, period. But what about afterwards? He would have to tell his master, and Snoke would finally give the order. One way or another, I won't get to keep her, he thought before frowning at his own choice of words.
He ultimately couldn't resist knocking down the wall protecting his mind to find her.
He was immediately rebuffed by the sight of FN-2187 holding her hand in her memory, while they ran away from danger.
Frustration crept up his spine, his whole body stiffening at the image. Why are you thinking about that traitor? He growled at her.
Miss me already? I thought I was being too difficult. She tormented him, and he reprimanded himself for revealing the rekindled link to her so quickly.
Answer me. He had never had an inkling before that there was someone she was hoping to go home to. He always believed she was as lonely as him and couldn't wrap his mind around the possibility of her being in a relationship with someone, especially not that disgusting traitor. His jaw clenched in anger.
You're just jealous, she chimed.
What? She certainly wasn't saying what he thought she was saying.
You're jealous of me, because I have friends, she clarified.
Friends, right. She missed her friend. His anger subsided. He was tempted to retort childishly that he had friends also, but who was he kidding? Standing next to his supposed closest allies, he knew both of them wouldn't hesitate to betray him if it fitted their agenda.
I don't need friends, he said instead.
Everybody needs friends, she huffed like he was being ridiculous.
I'm not like everybody.
I forgot, you're just a big bad monster. She had taken a habit of calling him that, but this time it wasn't said as if she loathed him. Her tone was light, almost teasing.
He felt it forming on his lips. A grin. He suppressed it immediately, pressing his lips hard together; his features turning into a deep frown.
He admitted he'd had moments of weaknesses before, moments when the light and the dark would threaten to tear him apart. Moments when Ben Solo had stirred in his shattered heart. This was different, he no longer felt pulled apart as much as pulled forward. Towards Rey. He was stuck in her orbit, her gravity drawing him in. Some part of him wished things had been different between them, but he didn't fool himself. It was way too late for him to be anything but the monster she knew. Too much blood, too much pain, too much death to be redeemed. His parents knew it, deep down, that's probably why they'd never come for him. They had given up on him just like he'd given up on himself. He needed to be purged of all these distorted emotions, to cleanse himself of his humanity, it was the only way to survive in this filthy world. I made my choice long ago, and we're all stuck with our choices, he repeated to himself.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much
Set me free,
Leave me be.
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
Gravity – Sarah Bareilles cover by Derrick Nelson