Thanks for the reviews guys, I love you all ! Special thank you to my best friend Emanuelle who offered to beta for me!
The little planet continued for the next few weeks to curse them with its very unstable climate. The days were spent under the scorching sun and crushing humidity, a decision to work only in the early morning and early evening imposing itself after the first few days, the choking heat weighing hard on their bodies. They would have loved to work more nights, but almost every sunset was met with harsh rain, falling like a torrent as the temperatures dropped considerably. If they made the mistake of working too late, they would come back inside the ship soaked, shivering until the wee hours of the night. And it would all start anew the next day. To worsen things, earthquakes would periodically shake the earth around the ship, more rocks and trees threatening to fall down from the hill and unto the already damaged hull. This planet did nothing halfway, the repairs kept adding up, and each passing storm worked against them.
During a particularly nasty thunderstorm that lasted for 2 days, Rey snooped around the ship, looking through their less crucial supplies. She gathered what light linen she could find and used the threads and needles to fashion herself an improvised Jakku garb, tired of wearing the black spares of Kylo Ren. She even tied her hair like she used to in the desert, in three buns and when she looked at herself in the mirror of the refresher she let out a sigh of happiness. This was definitely her reflection, she hadn't lost herself completely in all this mess.
She woke up the next day, the weather nice again. She went outside and spotted Ren standing on the hull of the ship over the bridge area. He was cursing aloud, his back to her. He was half naked, his muscles all tensed and sweat running down his back as he was prying a piece of tree off the ship. It felt eerie still to be here with him, but despite themselves, they had sort of fallen into a tumultuous but dependable companionship. They would fight like cats and dogs for a day or two, lashing out in anger at their situation, blaming one another before relenting, spending the next 4 or 5 working together in harmony. Then they would get frustrated again, discouraged at the amount of work still to be done and would go back to being at each other's throats.
Why aren't you using the Force? She asked him, trying to discover what kind of mood he would be in today.
I'm blowing off some steam, the rain made a lot of crap fall, and the electrical circuit inside this is blown, he explained motioning to a deflector shield projector.
Do you need some help? She offered instinctively, noticing only afterwards it was the first time she'd said that to him.
No- err- but thanks. He thanked her, the word feeling weird and unfamiliar, he couldn't recall the last time he'd thanked someone. He didn't even remember how to trust someone else, always slept with one eye opened.
She worked on the left wing hydraulic mechanism all day, the humidity not as crushing as usual after the heavy rainfall, but by the middle of the afternoon she was exhausted and famished. Ren was rebuilding something to protect the ship as best as possible from the next storm, the previous scaffolding and tarp shredded to pieces. She took a half portion from the ship and ate alone, counting the packets still left. The food supply was growing thinner quickly than anticipated, and they would try to replace as much as they could with plants and the occasional red-blooded creature that would venture too close, but the storm had prevented them from gathering or hunting. She grabbed the empty pouch of water from their day's work, her bedding and the rags that needed washing and hiked to the stream. It was easier now, her muscle mass back to the way it was before.
She loved the sight of the sun shining on the calm greenish water, relished in the tranquility of the wind blowing across the leaves. It was definitely something missing on her home planet of Jakku.
Sure, the humidity was a drag, but as she removed her clothes and let herself slip into the refreshing waters, her whole body sighed in contentment. Her soul was at peace here, where she could pretend she was happy and free. Pretend? An inner voice asked, but she ignored it.
She washed all the sweat of the day off her skin and hair and afterwards pulled herself back to the ground, laying down on a flat rock. Her wounds had fully healed by now, only one scar recounting the events on Starkiller base. Well, one faded scar and one vibrant man waiting for her at camp. She let herself dry under the gentle rays of the late afternoon after checking he was still near the ship.
He would almost always wait for her to hike back before taking his turn in the water, respecting implicitly her need for privacy. She still practised her Force skills, piling rocks with her mind with more and more precision, but she refused to let him know, in case he gave her advice about how to do it. It would feel too much like he was teaching her something.
A rumbling went through the earth and shook it for a minute. She was used to it by now and waited for the vibrations to disappear before standing up and hiking back.
She found Ren sitting in front of the rekindled fire, the sun disappearing behind the mountain. He was attempting to stitch a gashing wound on his right shoulder. She didn't ask how it'd happen, knowing it would probably antagonize him. Instead, she put her stuff down and went to stand beside him, reaching for the needle.
Here, let me do it.
Their eyes met, she could tell he was embarrassed and angry. She was expecting him to rebuff her but he finally sighed, giving her the needle and she hid the surprise on her face. He detested any form of contact. She'd noticed that one morning, passing him his plate, their hands had accidentally brushed, and he'd removed it violently, sending the food flying to the floor. Not that she liked touching him, but his reaction seemed odd and she'd taken a note of it.
Goosebumps went up his arms when her fingers brushed his skin. He tried to ignore the unusual tingling of the Force concentrating where their skin connected. He tried to think about something else, anything else than her touching him.
She tried to be as gentle as she could, but the cut was deep and flecked with little shards of wood. She had to harvest them off one by one as he obstinately bit the inside of his cheek to hide the pain. Her mind was wandering as she sutured. He was so tanned, his skin almost darker than hers now. The black circles under his eyes had disappeared and he'd cut his hair a little, probably sick of it clinging to his skin in the heat. It made him look so different. No one would recognize him now, she thought. She almost couldn't.
What's your real name? She breathed into the bond.
His tone was curt when he uttered: You know my name.
Yeah, now, but what was it before? She asked soothingly, as if not to spook him.
Why? Why was she prying about this? Did she know? Had she somehow figured it out, seen it in his mind?
I just realized your parents clearly didn't name you Kylo Ren, was it even Kylo? Kyle maybe?
He rebelled against her question: It's totally irrelevant.
I'm curious anyway. There was a 'please humor me' tone to her words, feigned aloofness coloring her question.
The scariest part was: he kind of wanted to tell her. He growled out loud, abruptly pulling away, tearing the thread and walking to the ship.
I wasn't done, she said, talking about the suture.
I was, he clipped at her, his tone definite.
She pestered herself for asking. Of course it didn't matter what his name used to be, he would always be Kylo Ren to her. She was angry now, riling herself up as she started hanging the wet linen on the rope installed next to the fire. He was the man that had torn her apart from her new found friends, keeping her from the life she'd always wanted and only just found. The man keeping her captive, threatening to kill her time and time again if she didn't bow before him. The man prying through her mind with no respect or remorse. She wanted to stop there, thinking that pretty much summed it up, but she couldn't. That small, stubborn voice in her head added: the man who killed for me, the man who stitched me back together. She really couldn't reconcile the two, and it was ever so unnerving.
The next few days, he basically ignored her. She knew she'd hit a nerve, and worked in silence alongside him for hours at a time, feigning ignorance at how his gaze would linger more and more on her, burning her skin where he'd look for too long. She pointedly didn't ask what his problem was, detecting a dangerous undercurrent behind his brush-off iciness.
After nearly a month, they were better at predicting if the night would be a hot and stuffy one or a deluge, and tonight was definitely the latter. They put up the tarp over the ship and barricaded themselves inside. She sat alone in the engine room, starting to pile up with her mind the extra rings of metal kept in the tool box in case the engine needed repair. They were pretty heavy, like 10 pounds each. She'd always been a natural at mind tricks but the physical stuff was more difficult and didn't come as easily to her so she was proud to graduate from the little rocks to this. She was pretty concentrated, engrossed in her task and didn't hear him come in. He brushed past her without a glance, still giving her the cold shoulder, but she was startled by the sudden movement and dropped one ring. It fell with a loud thud near his feet, capturing his attention. He raised his hand towards it before placing it on top of her pile. Their gaze met before she placed another one on top. He did too. The force started vibrating around them and Rey's jaw tensed in frustration. She couldn't be doing this, not with him, she couldn't let him know about her progress. He's still the enemy, she reminded herself, the constant caution starting to feel old and void of meaning. Her heart ruefully interjected: he's not so bad; he's the only thing we've got. The pile of rings disappeared suddenly as the pieces scattered, all in different directions.
She looked at him again, alarmed. Did you do this?
No, did you? He answered honestly, the silent treatment finally over.
No, she denied, trying to discern of he was telling the truth.
He knew she'd done it, because he definitely hadn't. She clearly had no idea so he didn't press it but wondered what she was thinking about at the time. He pushed slightly into her mind. She wasn't thinking about the rings anymore, she was secretly relieved he was talking to her again. She'd kind of missed their banter the last few days, driving away the boredom. She bumped him out with a nasty look and he tried in vain to dismiss the thrill shooting up his spine.
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
So even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant
With you - Linkin Park
So? Elmo13