Hey guys, it's been forever, I know. I wish I had a better "excuse" and I can't explain it, but some months I can't stop writing and others it's like I sit in front of my computer for hours and nothing (or at least nothing good) comes out. Believe me, I try, it's just something I can't control. I hope you're still interested in this.
I will just say this, a review brought me back into "writing mode" and I swear they make all the difference so please, PLEASE, leave your comments after, or even just discuss with me this loaded question. I thought it was unlikely but my heart has begun to hope:
Is Reylo canon?
Rey tried to ignore how she almost had to push Ben up the path to Poe and Finn's ship. She knew her companion wasn't comfortable with the situation, but she sincerely believed she would find a way to make things right. She just had to.
Ben took a deep breath before following Rey inside the Resistance ship, shaking his head at how badly this would end. Poe didn't recognize him, but his parents would. There was no way to ride the Resistance train without being discovered, but he knew he couldn't expect Rey to know that. For all she knew, he hadn't known any of these people before. She had no idea he was the young student that killed Luke's padawans. He'd intentionally avoided to mention the crucial truth of his lineage. The blood on his hands was thicker than she imagined, and somehow he knew she wouldn't be able to hide the horror on her face if he admitted the truth. What if she went back to being disgusted by him? She'd been waiting all her life for her family while he'd destroyed his.
They stepped aboard. A round droid with orange markings was waiting next to the ramp, and greeted Rey with a slur of happy chirps and beeps.
"Nice to see you too BB8," she smiled in earnest at the little droid.
It considered Ben. The little droid's head went to one side, then the other before turning to Rey in hesitation.
"This is Ben, he's my friend," she explained, squeezing Ben's arm again in reassurance. BB8 seemed to think it was enough for him and greeted Ben too.
Is that the annoying droid I chased through the galaxy?
Shut up and be nice, she scowled him before a teasing smile spread across her lips. Besides, you know you were really chasing me.
His eyebrows raised up in surprise that she could joke so easily right now.
It's not as if they had actually talked about anything, or resolved anything. They'd just crashed into each other like lost stars, the tether between their souls irresistible. There was so much more involved now, not just the struggle between light and dark, but the politics too. He'd chosen to commit to the light in her, the incredible power of their bond in the Force, but not the Resistance.
He didn't think it could ever work out, not if he didn't want to be subjected to the resentment and anger of all the soldiers and soldiers' families he'd been an instrument in killing. He didn't know if he would ever be able — or even wanted— to face his parents again. Probably not.
For Rey, it was different, he figured she was happy right now. She wanted the Resistance at least as much as she wanted him, he was sure of it. His head was spinning under the weight of it all, and he felt like he would implode any second.
Rey let her bag fall to the floor, and started looking around the ship. It was bigger than she expected, with a cockpit, a refresher, a small area with seats and a table, engine room and 2 rooms in the back. Clearly meant for long missions or— the idea struck her— taking someone prisoner.
Finn greeted them, making sure they had everything seconds before the ship lifted up into the air. Poe was antsy to leave, her friend explained.
Ben took one look at Finn and groaned inwardly, he could tell the man was buzzing with enthusiasm, ready to submerge them with questions again. He was so on edge, he was sure he would bite Finn's head off, so he excused himself: "I haven't taken a proper shower in ages."
He spoke gruffly, heading toward the refresher without waiting for an answer. It felt really weird to have to talk out loud again, the words exchanged on the planet almost always spoken through the bond. His mouth was dry and his throat itched like the muscles in his vocal cords were sore.
Finn was still bursting with glee. He was happy to have Rey all to himself, Poe piloting the ship and her friend out of earshot.
"Oh I can't wait to see their faces," he exclaimed.
"Whose faces?" Rey asked, confused.
"Han, Chewy, even General Organa. She's the leader of the Resistance. She's so cool Rey, but even she didn't believe me when I insisted you were still alive," he said too fast, not caring about anything else right now than the elation of being with Rey again.
Rey couldn't help but smile at her friend's apparent joy. "You met the leader of the Resistance? When?"
Finn's eyes suddenly narrowed and his tone was dead serious when he said: "When you were captured by that monster, I saw it Rey, I saw it all. I wanted so badly to storm Starkiller Base and save you, but they wouldn't let me. They practically had to tie me down, I'm not exaggerating." He paused meaningfully, wanting her to know how much staying put for so long had cost him. "They made me wait forever, and when it was finally time, we searched for you for hours before blowing it up, but we couldn't find any trace of you. That's when this droid, R2D2 came to life with the rest of the map to Luke Skywalker."
Rey desperately tried to absorb all this information. "Wait, wait, you said you blew up Starkiller base?" She needed more time to gather her thoughts.
"We did, it was going to fire again, on us this time. But we couldn't find anything, even the slightest reference to you in their computer. I've been on the hunt ever since for the man that took you, because I could feel it in my bones Rey, I knew you were still alive. I figured he'd taken you somewhere else, but really I was just grasping, because why would he keep you alive for so long?"
Finn was freakishly right about it all and Rey's heart pounded in her chest.
"Did you find him?" She squeaked, guilt tearing her heart apart. She just couldn't admit it to Finn, not yet, not when Ben was so jittery. She was terrified he would bolt at the first sign of trouble, unsure yet if she would follow him. Her soul was already entwined with his, she didn't think she could let him go, she also didn't want to betray her beliefs and her friends.
"No, he vanished too, the General said he was probably with Snoke, completing his training or whatever. Snoke is the big bad guy by the way," Finn explained before finally asking: "What happened to you?"
She could tell he was more focused now, the haze of happiness slowly wearing off, and she prayed that her explanation would sound believable. "I- We escaped, me and Ben." She tried to leave it as vague as possible.
"But how? When?"
Damn Finn! She took a deep breath.
"They kept me alive at first because I'd seen the map, and Ben broke me out when he escaped," she said, broadcasting the conversation towards Ben so he'd say the same thing if asked.
"Why was Ben in there?" Finn asked, curious.
Yes Rey, why was I in there? This is fascinating, Ben asked sarcastically.
"That's really his story to tell."
Running low on lies, Rey? He mocked her.
Shut up. What the hell did he expect her to say? The truth?
A hint of anger must have shone through her previously relaxed features because Finn picked up on it.
"Of course, I'm sorry, I'm drowning you in questions, but are you really ok?" Finn said apologetically, mistaking her annoyance at Ben for reluctance to talk about what she'd endured. He wanted her to open up to him. "I mean, the knight of Ren who held you captive, Poe had some dealings of his own with him, hemust have tortured you too," Finn said gravely, hoping she wouldn't keep all that bottled up inside, but at the same time cursing himself for pressuring her. He had to be patient, he'd only just got her back.
Rey considered the ramifications of his question, feeling more and more uneasy.
"Just a little," she insisted dismissively as Ben wickedly conjured up the image of her moaning underneath him as he entered her, a fierce blush coloring her cheeks at the vision.
I tortured you good… Ben taunted.
Stop it.
"God, Rey," Finn choked up, tears glistening in his eyes. Poe had told him all about the Knight of Ren raping his mind, and he couldn't bear the thought of Rey being in the same situation for days if not weeks.
She closed her eyes to try and steady her pulse. "I'm okay, I promise, let's talk about something else."
There was a long, pregnant pause between them until Finn appeared to accept her rebuttal.
"Your friend. He looks anxious," Finn noted questioningly, thinking if he couldn't refrain himself from asking questions, he could at least deflect them to a less painful subject.
Ben snorted in Rey's mind mumbling: That's an understatement. She finally shoved him out to silence him, needing to concentrate on Finn, feeling a mind-numbing migraine rising.
"He's just a bit wary of strangers, took him a long time to warm up to me," she stated, the guilt and shame basically the size of a supernova at her growing mountain of lies.
"But he treated you well?"
The question gnawed at her heart, a flood of unwanted memories rising up to the surface. Her capture, her cell, her desperation, his violent heart and volatile behavior preceding the blossom —for lack of a better word— of the bond. His darkness was all-consuming back then, she'd almost forgotten. I almost let myself forget, she admitted inwardly. With a frown she remembered he used to be the shadow killing her each night in her dreams.
A demon dressed in black.
A lonely man.
A dark soul.
A lost heart.
A murderer.
A saviour.
He was all of that, and more; yet she yearned for him all the same, so what did that make her?
She noticed Finn's eyes were growing dark at her hesitation and broke out of her trance.
"Yes, I wouldn't have survived without him," she answered vehemently, thinking at least that wasn't a lie.
"Then I'll be very nice to him," Finn smiled.
"Thanks," she tried to form a smile on her lips but it looked more like a tired grimace.
She felt Ben tugging on the link but refused him. I need to clear my thoughts, she groaned inwardly, the constant lying stinging her heart, a hint of insecurity clouding her mind and she was certain she had to hide even the tiniest hint of doubt from Ben; from Kylo Ren. She had to be the level-headed one, the kind one, the patient one and the pressure was immense. Somehow, she had to make all this work.
He'd changed, right? She closed her eyes, thinking back to their connection, their history, the ghost of his kiss on her lips, and even though her head was getting in the way, her heart knew where it stood. She'd fallen, it was pointless to wonder if she should have jumped in the first place, but why did it feel so wrong?
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
Shake it out, Florence and the machine
Please review! Elmo13