Interlude

Confession

As Jason Ryan's boot hit the dry earth of the driveway, he found a sudden urge to turn around and head back to the plane.

"Getting cold feet?" Joshua Valentine said from beside Jason. He was wearing a brown coat and a black scarf over his usual red-and-white shirt. His breath came out in a cold mist as he spoke. "We can head back if you like. Just remember… This is your only chance."

"I know," Jason said, looking at the familiar pale green panels of his childhood home. The house didn't really look any different from when he was last here, leaving to head to England for the Epsilon concert. However Jason himself felt completely different.

When he had left he had been slowly recovering from the events of Maylene, back when he believed she had killed herself. He had been nothing more than a child; ignorant of the world. Thin, somewhat bedraggled and not willing to talk to anyone.

Now as he stood on that same lawn, Jason's body had grown leaner with more muscle mass. His face was clean-shaven and his hair grown longer, now touching his shoulders and swept over his head. He had nearly died any number of times and had joined the DSI. Jason didn't feel like himself and that scared him.

"C'mon, it's cold out here!" Wasp complained from behind them. Jason glanced back to his team who as always were following in his shadow. They were dressed in civilian clothes though still managed to stick out like a sore thumb. Rhino towered over everyone, Wasp had her yellow goggles over her eyes, Riccio's was wearing a hood that shadowed her face and Berlin stood with his hands clasped behind his back.

"I don't feel anything," Rhino said, his voice a soft rumble.

"I wonder why…" Wasp rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the side – though her elbow just bounced off of the big man's muscle.

"Jason," Joshua said. "Make your choice. Either we head to that door or we turn around. If we turn around you will be dead to them."

"Give me a second," Jason said as he closed his eyes.

"You can't just stand on the fence—"

"Give me a second!" Jason insisted, surprised at his own voice. He had found that over the two years he had now been with the DSI his personality had gotten a little bit rougher, a little tougher. He supposed that hanging around soldiers did that to him – not to mention Rhino tended to have quite a foul mouth.

"Come on, Joshua, this is a big decision," Wasp walked up to Joshua and grabbed his arm. "Give him space."

Joshua reluctantly stood back to allow Jason to remain standing alone. He cast his eyes over the windows and could see the TV flickering through the living room window. He supposed his father was in there. At this time of day his mother would likely be in the kitchen preparing dinner. Was it fair? It had been almost three years… could he just walk back into their lives like this? Jason wanted to think that they would be happy to see him but what if they weren't?

"You'll regret it if you don't."

Jason quietly turned to the side where Maylene was sitting on the curb, nonchalantly looking at her fingernails. The past two years had managed to bring about a change in the relationship between Jason and his ex-girlfriend's ghost. She didn't seem as angry at him now that he admitted what he had done. She still wasn't willing to talk all that much but she was a constant presence and Jason had to admit that he liked that. It was still absolutely strange to him that ghosts and so much more were real but he had come to accept the facts, especially after the special training course Joshua had put him through.

"I'm going," Jason finally said. He had admitted to himself what he had done. He had admitted it to Maylene and Joshua and the team. His parents deserved to know the truth. With his mind set in stone, Jason walked across the driveway and stood in front of the door. He had thought Joshua would follow him but instead he stayed back with the other four – though whether that was because Rhino and Wasp had a hold of his arms or not Jason was unsure.

Jason raised his hand and hesitantly pressed the bronze doorbell. He heard the familiar ringing on the inside of the house and heard the scuffle of footsteps. After a moment the door opened and Jason came face to face with his mother, Andrea Ryan. It took him by surprise that there were now grey streaks running through her hair and her skin looked like it was sagging slightly. Could three years have that much difference?

Andrea stood on the doorway for a long while, her mouth slightly open. Jason couldn't say anything and only stood on the doorstep, wondering if he seemed a stranger to his mother.

"J-Jason…" Andrea finally gasped and stood out into the cold air. "Is… Is that really you?"

"Mother…" Jason said and found his voice catching in his throat. Tears sprung in the corners of Andrea's eyes as she looked Jason up and down.

"My God… William, William, come quick! Jason's here! Our son is back!" Andrea reached down and grabbed Jason's hands just as his father strode into view. The tall man was also showing his age but still had a strong posture. However as soon as he saw Jason his shoulders seemed to slump down.

"Jace?" His father's voice cracked.

Hearing that old name that William always called him when he was a child, Jason suddenly lost his composure and reached forward to embrace his mother tightly just as the tears dripped down his cheeks. He was unable to say anything and could only clutch Andrea to his chest. William stepped forward and the Ryan family remained for a long while in the doorway in a silent embrace.

Watching from the driveway, Joshua turned on his step. "Keep watch on the house but don't enter. He needs this."

"Where are you going?" Berlin asked.

"I'm going to get a drink," Joshua said and strode off, not allowing any of the four to see the own wetness on his cheeks.

The living room was just like Jason remembered. Small but comfortable with a sofa that seemed to sink to the floor and an armchair that his father would always sit in. The dated TV still sat in the corner of the room and the cupboard against the wall still held all kinds of knick-knacks. Jason supposed that he shouldn't have expected anything too different – three years wasn't too long in the great scheme of things – but it still surprised him just how similar it all was.

Now nursing a cup of warm coffee, Jason had pulled up one of the wooden dining room chairs to sit on so he could face both his mother and his father. They had exchanged small talk. Jason asked how they were doing, if anything eventful had happened, whether or not they were keeping active. They had asked about Jason's own three years and Jason had talked about the Epsilon concert hall but didn't mention anything about the DSI or the events that stood behind the fire at the hall. As far as his parents were concerned, he had merely decided to stay in England for an extended holiday.

When Jason had been confined within the White Room, the DSI had kept in contact with his parents using made-up excuses on his phone. Jason had put a stop to that immediately when he was finally given free reign. He hadn't the nerve to phone them and had instead left a text from another phone claiming that his original phone had gotten stolen and he hadn't enough money to get another one. Jason regretted that decision now; he should have kept in contact with them. But with everything that was going on – the DSI's training regime, joining the Combat Division, constantly being threatened by death – he didn't want to keep in contact and then suddenly disappear if Death claimed him.

But he wasn't here to talk about the DSI (Certainly, Lisa would likely have him killed if he mentioned it to anyone) nor was he back in his hometown of Amos, Quebec, Canada to explain about Death's attempts on his life. No, he was back to speak to his parents about the weight on his shoulders. About the truth they deserved to know.

Both Andrea and William Ryan recognised that Jason was mulling something over and the two of them watched their son intently. Jason saw them looking and realised that he couldn't put it off any longer.

"I'm afraid to say that I'm not back home just to visit," Jason started. He watched his parents expressions and saw William nodding slightly as if he had guessed something. "I came back to… to confess something to you."

"Confess?" Andrea's brows furrowed in concern. "Have you done something… wrong… back in London?"

"No. Before that. Before I left."

"…Maylene?" William was always a smart man and he guessed what Jason was hinting towards in an instant. The way he said her name was very careful. Andrea and William had both weathered the full brunt of Jason's grief.

"Yes." Jason felt his lips go dry but nevertheless he forced himself to speak. "She… It was not a suicide."

The words hung over the room.

"What do you mean?" Andrea was the first to speak, looking at William and then back to Jason, confused. "Of course it was, Jason. The police decided there was enough evidence…" Her voice trailed off pitifully.

"I…" Jason's words caught on his throat.

"Jace?" William leaned forward. "What happened with Maylene?"

Holding his hands out in front of him, Jason stared at his fingers as if they still were covered in blood. Then he looked ahead – past William and Andrea – to see Maylene sitting cross-legged on the floor. She smiled slightly and nodded in his direction. Perhaps this was the reason she was so calm and sedated; did Jason's acceptance of his guilt change her opinion of him? Squeezing his fists shut, Jason looked back to his parents.

"I killed Maylene," he said.

Andrea let out a small gasp and started to shake. William quickly moved from his chair onto the sofa to put an arm around his wife. He looked to Jason. "Jace, this isn't just you blaming yourself because of her suicide?"

"No." Now the words were out of his throat Jason felt the rest of the words flooding out. "I blamed myself about being the cause of her suicide for so long that my broken mind used that as an excuse and made it a reality. As far as anyone would be concerned, Maylene killed herself after an argument with me, hanging herself with a sheet in the bedroom. It was believable… Maylene had been drinking for a while and even her friends said she seemed unlike herself.

"She didn't hang herself. I… I had used the sheet to strangle her myself. She-She had cheated on me… multiple times… when she went out for her parties without me… I found out and I killed her for it." Jason was surprised to find warm tears splashing against his hands. He had looked down to his knees; unable to look at his parents after his confession. "I discovered that taking a human life isn't something you can just… just do." Jason said slowly. "It was an act of passion but afterwards… afterwards something inside me broke. For the longest time I didn't even remember putting her up on the ceiling or leaving and coming back… I didn't remember writing the suicide note… I believed that she had killed herself."

The silence made Jason want to curl up into a ball but he forced his neck to move so he could look at his parents. Both of them wore shocked expressions – a mix of horror, disappointment, and sadness. Jason couldn't blame them. Those hard months after Maylene's death they had done their best to pull him out of his grief. They had even managed to get the tickets for the Epsilon concert, God knows how.

Finally, "Jace…" William croaked. Andrea started sobbing and tucked her head into her husband's shoulder. "You realise that I will have to call the police?" William slowly stood up to look at his son in utter disappointment. "We helped you, Jason. Through your grief, through your pain… We fought for you." William's voice cracked. "You were a suspect but we defended you. We told them that our son was a nice boy, a polite boy, a boy who loved Maylene. We told them that he would never do such a thing, that no matter how much you looked you would never find the evidence because there was none. Never once… Never once did we think you did it, Jace. Never once did we think it because you were our son. We raised you right. We raised you to be a decent human being. Now… Now after three years you come back to our doorstep and you throw all of that out the window? You tell us you killed her? You killed a human being?"

The disappointment and disgust dug daggers into Jason's heart but he took the brunt of his father's words.

"Do you want to hear the truth, Jace?" William walked closer to look down at Jason in the chair. "I didn't recognise you when I saw you in that doorway. But I didn't care. You're our son, why should it matter if you've changed? But I look at you…" William gestured up and down with a hand. "You're different. You're haunted. You're not our son, not anymore."

"Dad…" Jason croaked.

"Don't!" William's voice was sharp and Jason straightened up, shocked. Andrea was sobbing uncontrollably now and William's eyes were wet. "You don't have a right to speak! Not to me nor your mother! What you have done… What you have confessed to…" William shook his head. "What do you want me to say, Jace? Do you want me to forgive you? Do you want me to say that bygones are bygones? They're not! You just confessed to murder! Jesus Christ, Jace, what were you thinking!?"

"I-I-"

"I don't want your excuses!" William turned away. "You were our son once. And for that I'm going to tell you to leave. Leave and never come back. In five minutes I am going to call the police and give them all the information they need. Don't you dare step foot in our home again." With his back turned, William put a hand on his face. Jason could only stare at his father's back in silence.

After a moment, Jason stood slowly. His father's back was heaving in quiet sobs while his mother had buried her face in her hands. It was clear as day that he was not welcome anymore. "I know that I should not be forgiven for what I have done," Jason said quietly, "but I do intend to make up for my mistakes. It may take years… decades… it may cost me my life." Jason sighed slowly. "You told the truth. You raised me right… and I'm sorry."

With that Jason turned and left the living room, crossing the landing, and left the house completely. As soon as his feet hit the grass Jason saw his four team members standing across the road. Joshua was nowhere to be seen. A part of him wanted to fall to his knees and cry like a child but Jason knew that he could not do that anymore. He was part of something bigger, part of something more. He had confessed his sins and despite it all, despite the feelings in his heart, he felt like it had been the right decision.

"It was."

Jason glanced to the right to see Maylene standing next to him. "I meant what I said, that I will try and make it up to you, no matter how long it takes."

"I know."

"And Maylene…" Jason closed his eyes. "We need to sit down and talk one of these days."

"About what?"

"About everything. About what it is like to…"

"To be a ghost?"

Jason looked at her. It was so strange to look at her. He had grown up believing ghosts were translucent or pale but Maylene looked just as she did all that time ago. The only thing that betrayed that she was not alive were the lack of light in her eyes and the fact that she did not cast a shadow. "…Exactly."

"At the end of the day, Jason, you killed me. You murdered me. You will carry that guilt with you until the day you die, whenever that day is. You are a criminal, a murderer… but at the very least, I do believe you are a good person… Or have the potential to be. So yes, we will talk…. One day. Not yet. Not now."