Chapter 4

"Oh my fucking god." I gasped as he continued to rock his hips into me, filling me and then leaving my body completely. It was torture. It was bliss. It was the most spectacular combination of the two. "Please. Please, please, please."

I just needed more. Just a little more, but he kept up with this blissful torture until I was sure I couldn't take anymore. My head dangled off the side of the bed as it rocked with the force of his thrusts. I reached up, grasping his shoulder tightly. His cock filled me again as his mouth closed around my nipple, biting just slightly.

"You're so close, aren't you?" he asked around my breast. "I can feel you, beautiful girl."

The hand that wasn't grasping my hip moved between my legs and he laid his finger against my clit. We both knew full well that the moment his lovely magical fingers started on me, I'd be lost.

And I was.

But he wasn't done. His arms hooked behind my legs, lifting my ass off of the bed as he pulled me further back onto it, thrusting himself in and out of me at a quick pace that kept me going. I screamed and screamed, thankful that it was the middle of the day and, hopefully, my neighbors wouldn't hear me. Fuck it if they did, though.

They should be so lucky.

"Jesus Christ," he grunted just before he came, stilling inside of me.

Moments passed before his body left mine and he collapsed beside me, panting as I did. My head fell to the side, watching as his chest rose and fell. My god he was handsome. I propped myself up on my elbow, running my fingers down his chest and stomach, scratching the trail of hair softly.

"I'm old, Bella," he chuckled. "I'm going to need a minute."

"You're thirty-two," I scoffed. "And I'm just touching you."

His arm wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me down onto his chest. "Touching is good. I could touch you every single moment of the day, and it still wouldn't be enough."

I lifted my head, smiling as I kissed him. "I'd be perfectly fine with that, in case you were wondering."

"I'd pretty much assumed, actually. But, I supposed I should get in the shower if we want to grab something to eat before I work tonight. Not that I didn't enjoy what I just had." He smirked, winking.

I rolled my eyes, laughing softly. "You're naughty."

"The good naughty or the perverted naughty?"

"Most certainly good."

. . . . .

"What are you doing this weekend?" Edward asked.

I shrugged as I shook a little salt over my dinner. "No big plans, why?"

"Well, since I work on Thanksgiving and can't spend it with my family, my parents decided they'd take the train up from D.C on Friday and spend the weekend with me. Would you want to meet them?"

My eyes widened at the absurd question he just asked. His parents. Meet. His. Parents. We'd been spending all of his free time together over the past few months, but I didn't realize that would happen. Even though it made me that depressed woman again to think about, I did think about the fact that this wouldn't last forever. He never referred to himself as my boyfriend, and I kind of just thought of him as a friend I quite enjoyed fucking — who I also had this crazy thing called feelings for.

"You want me to meet your parents?" I asked, dumbfounded.

He smiled, nodding as he took the salt from my hand. "They know about you, and I highly doubt they'd get out of New York without trying to meet you, so why not?"

"What did you tell them about me?"

That was a sly way of asking what he considered me, right?

"I told them I meet a beautiful, brilliant, hilarious woman whom I enjoy spending as much time as possible with. I told them the truth — that I was dating someone."

He said dating. I pushed down the cynical part of me that scoffed at it and smiled. Because I wanted to be dating the handsome Edward Cullen. In fact, there was nothing I wanted more than to stop having to wonder what the hell it was that we were doing.

"Oh," I said softly with the ridiculous smile still in place. "Did you tell them of any . . . other women?"

I was smooth.

He laughed. "Are you asking if we're exclusive?"

"I think it's a good question to ask when you're dating someone."

"Well, yes, I consider us exclusive. And now that we've gotten the semi-awkward dating question out of the way, what do you think about my other question?" He lifted his fork, taking a bite of his dinner.

"Your mom isn't one of the psycho mothers that'll try to end me for stealing her baby boy's attention, is she?"

"She is not," he chuckled. "In fact, she likes you already and is the reason I'm asking you — because she pretty much threatened me if I didn't."

"I think I already like your mom, too." I smiled, taking a bite of my dinner.

"So that's a yes?"

I nodded. "Why the hell not?"

. . . . .

I had my proper freak out over the fact that I was meeting Edward's parents once I'd gotten home and called Alice. After we'd eaten, I walked him the few blocks to the hospital. You know, while I tried not to think about the fact that I was meeting his fucking parents in a few days.

"They're going to see how totally fucked up I am and tell him to run as fast as he can away from me," I told her, stretching out on my bed and looking up at my ceiling. The lovely Juicy sweatpants were already covering my ass, but they did not give me their usual comfort. "God, this is how it ends, isn't it? The happiness, the mind blowing sex, the great conversation . . . it ends this weekend."

"Stop being so dramatic," she said. "He's seen your crazy and hasn't run away, so I'm sure he isn't going anywhere now. This is a good thing, Bella! It means that he likes you so much that he wants the most important people in his life to know you."

"But I kind of suck."

"You are a bestselling author!" she shrieked.

"Um . . . ouch? Little loud there, short stuff."

"Fuck you. But back to my point, you don't suck! Really. You don't. If you did, I wouldn't be friends with you because let's face it, I'm a bitch."

I nodded to myself. "True."

"Just . . . be yourself. I mean, don't be super depressing, but be the person you've been lately. That's a good person."

"The happy person I've been since I met Edward?"

"Aww, you see it, too!"

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, I'd seen it and, to be quite honest, it scared the hell out of me. Just a week and a half ago I'd met a fan because of him. A fan who I'd seen twice since because, well, the kid was cool. I totally understood why Edward was so attached to her. I could still hardly believe I'd done that, but it was an incredible experience. Opening myself up to her, telling her why certain characters were the way they were and why things happened how they did . . . it felt so strange but so good at the same time. It felt like I'd been carrying around this weight that I'd finally lifted by telling someone, and then hearing that they understood it. She might have been fifteen, but Ness was brilliant.

I couldn't comprehend the ways I'd changed since I met Edward. I'd catch myself acting differently and realize it was because of the happiness the handsome man had given me. But happiness . . . it wasn't forever.

And it certainly wasn't forever for me.

"What the hell's happened to me, Alice?"

I heard her laugh and felt a little offended. This wasn't the least bit funny. "I can't tell you that, Bella. One day . . . one day you'll see."

"Since when did you get so vague?"

"No one can tell you what you feel."

Bullshit. I kind of needed someone to tell me what I felt because I was clueless.

. . . . .

"I'd totally choose to be Iron Man," Edward said as we walked down the street. My arm was through his with my body as close as it could get. There was nothing better than touching the handsome man that I was dating. "I mean, he's rich, a genius, and, well, even I have to admit that he's good looking."

I laughed at the utterly ridiculous topic we'd gotten on. He'd spent the entire day at my apartment because when he went to work tonight, I wouldn't see him again until Friday — you know, when I was to meet his fucking parents. He agreed to work a double to cover for one of his coworkers, so the guy could spend the holiday with his kids. And since we wouldn't be seeing each other at all tomorrow, we'd spent the day together, relaxing and watching some of the Marvel movies he'd brought over, ending with The Avengers.

"You wouldn't want to be Thor?" I asked.

He shrugged. "You know, I'm not sure I could pull off the hair and cape. I'd wind up tripping over the cape and then wouldn't be able to see because of the hair. It'd end badly."

"Well, I have always had a crush on Robert Downy Jr.."

He looked down at me as his lips curled into a smile. "I guess that just seals the deal, then. I'll be Iron Man and you can be Pepper Pots."

I nodded. "Sounds good to me because I get your company. Now, buy me coffee."

We stopped and headed into the coffee shop a block from the hospital. Since he still had an hour before his shift started, we sat down on a love-seat near the window once we got our coffee.

"Are you sure you'll be all right not doing anything tomorrow?" Edward asked as I sipped my hazelnut deliciousness.

Honestly, I tried not to think about it. I'd told myself over and over that it was just another day, but it wasn't. At least I spent my first Thanksgiving without Dad with Alice, but this year she went home for the holiday — taking Jasper with her because yeah, they were that serious again. She invited me to go along, but I just . . . I couldn't. I hadn't been back since Dad died, and I wasn't sure I ever could.

"I'll be okay," I said, meeting his gaze and forcing a smile. "Really."

His handsome brow cocked, knowing full well that I was lying my ass off. "You can come to the hospital, you know. We can eat supermarket rotisserie turkey in my office while I work on charts."

"That sounds . . . fun," I laughed softly.

He shrugged. "It'd be better if you were there."

"Well, I'd planned on an all day trip to the movies, but I suppose I could fit you in."

He smirked, pulling me closer to him. "Excellent, I'm glad I could be fit in. You can watch god-awful movies after."

Once we'd finished our coffee, I walked with him the rest of the way to the hospital because I wanted to stop in and see Ness. He held my hand through the hospital and up to his office, giving me all of these feelings and whatnot. I immensely enjoyed holding his hand, let's just say.

"I'll call you later, all right?" he asked outside of his office door.

I nodded. "Okay. I probably won't be long with Ness, but I want to check on her."

"Yeah, she wasn't doing great yesterday, so she'll be my first stop on rounds."

My brow creased. "What's wrong with her?"

He sighed. "She's dying, Bella. Hopefully she gets a heart in time, but . . . she's coming to the end of what we can do for her without one. It's awful, but it's the reality of the situation."

"I . . . didn't realize."

His fingertips ran over my cheek as he smiled sympathetically. "I'm not letting her go without a fight, so please don't worry too much. She was having a bad day yesterday. Hopefully today is better."

"I hope so. I emailed her another chapter of the book, so I think if she were able to read it, it would have made her happy."

"I'm sure it made her extremely happy. I'll see you later, okay?"

He kissed me, pulling my body close to his for the few brief moments. We separated long before I was ready, but I doubted I would ever be ready. Well, at least not if I couldn't push him into the office and fuck him on his desk.

That was totally on my bucket list.

. . . . .

Ness wasn't better when I saw her. She was half asleep and I only stayed for a few minutes, but for those few minutes she smiled. In less than two weeks, she was looking so much worse. Her mom told me she was having trouble breathing because of the fluid in her lungs — a side effect of the heart failure — but that it'd gotten bad before and Edward, along with her other doctors had eased it and were working on doing it again.

I didn't know Ness that well, but I did care for her already. She just . . . had that effect, I think. I wasn't at all the praying kind, but I did for her. She deserved to experience life, not just read about it in a book. She was too young to die.

Once I got back to my apartment, I spent most of the night writing and editing. I'd managed to write almost an entire first draft in two months, which for me, was insane. It was astonishing what this relationship thing did for my writing.

As did the fabulous sex.

I swear I didn't email the porn to Ness, though she did try to convince me to. I was sure her parents trusted me not to corrupt her innocence. I was proud of how adult-like I was, all denying a child porn and whatnot.

. . . . .

I spent Thanksgiving morning watching the parade on TV as I talked to Alice, hearing about everything that'd been happening in our small hometown. Shockingly, there wasn't much to hear. A few people had passed away, a couple kids had been born, and most unsurprisingly of all, Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton finally married. I guess after screwing her way through college and most of Seattle, Jessica finally moved home had went back to her high school sweetheart as predicted.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Alice asked as I pulled the ingredients for homemade brownies out of the cupboard.

"I promise. I'm baking brownies."

"Oh God, I should get a flight home right away."

"Har-har. I can bake. I can't cook, but I can bake."

"Uh-huh. So, I take it you're poisoning Edward?"

I rolled my eyes, completely unamused by her shit. I'd never live down the time I gave her food poisoning. Totally not my fault. "He asked me to have Thanksgiving with him at the hospital. We're having rotisserie turkey from the supermarket. You're jealous, I know."

"I'm happy for you, not jealous," she said. "I'm glad he's getting you out of your apartment today."

I pulled myself up on the counter once I'd preheated the oven. "Honestly? I am, too. I'm okay, I swear, but . . . I didn't really want to be alone."

She sighed into the phone and I knew full well what she was about to say, so I beat her to it. "No, I didn't want to come with you and I didn't want you to stay here. I would have been fine alone, but I'm just glad I'm not."

"I still feel bad."

"Don't. Now, I'm going to bake so I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, I love you."

"Love you, too."

Once I put all the ingredients together, I slid the pan into the oven and sat down at the counter, adding and deleting a little here and there in the document I was working on. Alice was completely wrong about my terrible cooking skills, but I really wasn't the worst cook in the world. That title belonged to Dad. The kitchen just hated me, especially the stove. Fucker got a kick out of burning me, which it did once again today when I pulled the brownies out of the oven once the timer went off.

Aside from being a tiny bit overcooked, they seemed edible, so I put them in a container and then showered before leaving for the hospital around noon, as requested by Edward. It seemed a little early for our Thanksgiving meal to me, but I decided to just go with it.

Besides, spending time with Edward had easily become one of my favorite things, so I'd take whatever I could.

. . . . .

Edward was once again wearing the scrubs and fuck hot lab coat when he greeted me on the patient floor, instead of at his office a few floors up. His arms were around me and his lips against mine before I could even greet him.

Which, I mean, was totally okay with me.

"Hi," he said, grinning as he pulled back. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"You too. So, I made brownies." I pulled the container from my purse, opening the lid so he could smell then. Of course he just grabbed one out, popping it into his mouth.

"That's dessert, you know."

"Also chewy," he chuckled once he swallowed. "But delicious. Our turkey and sides are in the break room by my office, but I figure that can wait a bit, yes?"

I cocked my brow, narrowing my eyes. "Are you ambushing me again?"

He shrugged. "Somewhat, but I promise no adoring fans this time. I'm expected to make some had turkeys with my kids, so you get to join me."

Well, that certainly didn't sound so bad. The only patient of his I'd met was Ness so, to be honest, I was a little excited that he was introducing me to a few others. He spoke so affectionately of them — with such love. It was another thing that made me grow fonder of him. It was clear as day that he was committed to his patients.

And that was about as sexy as the lab coat.

After putting my coat and purse at the nurses' station like he said I could, we headed to the day room. His hand was clasped tightly around mine and a smile was evident on his lips when we walked in.

His presence was an instant thing with multiple kids saying, "Dr. Cullen!"

His hand left mine as a little girl — around five or so — stood from her chair at the table and walked over to him as quickly as she could. Her arms were out and he lifted her up, settling her on his hip.

"You didn't come this morning," she said, giving him a disapproved look.

He gaped, feigning offense. "I did, too. You were asleep, little missy. Slept right through all of my poking and prodding."

That was when I noticed the bandage on her chest, peeking through the top of her pink hospital gown. Honestly, she didn't look that sickly. She was smiling and talking his ear off, completely overjoyed that she was in his arms.

"Bella, this is Cindy," Edward said, smiling. "This is my friend Bella."

She laid her head against his neck, peeking out at me through her blonde bangs. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hi, sweetheart," I said, smiling as I waved.

"Oh, now you're shy, huh?" he laughed softly. "Tell her how amazing you are, Cindy."

She shook her head, giggling as she buried her face into his neck. She was so adorable, to tell you the truth. I wasn't even offended that she refused to talk to me.

"Well, I guess I will, then," he said. "Cindy was in a car accident a few weeks ago. Her heart was damaged from the impact, and she gave me quite the scare. But you're getting better now, aren't you?"

She nodded, lifting her head. "I'm going home next week!"

"That's great!" I said. "I bet you're excited, huh?"

"Yeah-huh. Wanna see my picture?"

"Of course!"

She made Edward put her down, and then we walked back over to the little table where a few kids were seated. She handed the picture to me and told me all about how it was, and I'm quoting, "the pretty Dr. Cullen." I had to admit that the stick figure did somewhat resemble him. The stuffed animal on his stethoscope — Fred — was even in the picture.

Once she went back to coloring, we made our way around the room and I was introduced to a few of his other patients and their parents. It was . . . a special experience — one I would never forget. He was amazing with the kids, which ranged from toddlers to teens and they all adored him. I was quickly informed by an eight year old girl that Edward was her husband, and a little boy told me how Edward promised he'd get to see a Yankees game in the spring. Edward had already bought the tickets for him and his dad even.

"He's recovering from his third surgery," Edward said. "He was born with a severe birth defect and, unfortunately, still isn't done with corrective surgery. We're planning for one more in a few years."

I traced the outline of my hand on the construction paper as he did from beside me — our hand turkeys. "He seems like he's in great spirits."

"Definitely. That's another thing I love about working with children. They're so incredibly resilient, and though one day might be bad, the next they're the happiest kid in the world."

I lifted my head, smiling. "You love your job."

He nodded. "More than anything. That's why I asked you to come here early today. I wanted you to see this side of me."

It made him even more handsome. I mean, he was extraordinarily gorgeous sure, but his personality made it real — if that made any sense at all. "So, is Lizzie the only young girl you're married to?"

He laughed. "Actually, no. I'm engaged to quite a few, as well. What can I say? I can't refuse them."

"Ah, ladies man."

He leaned in, kissing my cheek. "Most definitely. I'm very charming."

"This is true. I think you just went up another level on my fondness scale."

Once our hand turkeys were done and Edward had spent time with each of his patients, we left them and headed to his office. I'd never actually been inside the small room, but it was a sight to see. His desk was large with charts and paperwork piled high on it and a computer buried under them. Behind that there were bookshelves, filled with medical texts of titles I almost didn't even understand.

Across the room there was a large, leather sofa with a bulletin board over it. It was completely covered in drawings and letters from what I assumed were his patients. Without a thought, I moved closer to it, reading a few of them.

Thank you for fixing my heart, Dr. Cullen.

I'm going to miss you and Fred. Thank you.

Thank you for making me better. I can't wait to play again!

There were tons more, stating similar things over and over. They were so special, making me smile as I read the names signed to each one.

"You treated all of these kids?" I asked, looking down at him as he settled onto the couch, pulling the coffee table closer.

He nodded. "Yep, I started collecting them when I was a resident. Eventually, I'll need another board. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, yeah," I said, looking back up at the board. The drawings were just as special as the letters, and I could easily look at them for a while. I didn't have words to describe what I was feeling — how happy I was that he let me see this side of him. It was incredible, to be honest.

Eventually I did sit down, and we shared the supermarket rotisserie turkey and store bought, ready-made mashed potatoes and stuffing. It actually wasn't half bad. Certainly not homemade, but I didn't care.

"Thank you for inviting me here today," I said, tearing apart a brownie and putting a bite in my mouth.

"Better than a day at the movies?"

"Much better." I nodded.

He smiled, resting his hand my thigh. "Good. I know it's not much of a way to spend a holiday, but I really wanted to spend it with you. I didn't want you to be alone."

"Honestly, I didn't want to be either. I . . . it's hard for me to admit this. To show anyone this side of me."

"That you're lonely?"

"Yeah," I sighed, nodding. "I just want you to know that since I met you, I've been happier. A lot happier. You've . . . God, this might sound lame and make you run for the door, but you've been a brightness in my life the last few months. You mean a lot to me."

There, I said it. I didn't say that I was fond of him and I didn't say that I just liked him. I told him the truth. He meant more to me than I really understood. It was a scary thought, but it was the truth. This wasn't just a thing to me — if it ever even was just that. It was something that I didn't realize I needed so badly.

He was something to me. Something I would never forget.

"You mean a lot to me too, Bella," he said, dipping his head to press a kiss to my lips. "I'm glad I'm a brightness in your life. Thank you for letting me in. For lowering the walls I'm sure you've put up to protect yourself."

The walls were crumbling, in fact. My heart that was devastated by the loss of my father and mother, that was broken by different men because of bad breakups, was becoming exposed.

A terrifying, yet hopeful thought.