Chapter Three

The day wore on at an aggravatingly slow pace, and what made it even more unbearable was the satellites I had unintentionally acquired, each taking the form of Tobin, Collin, Una, and even Rix. After spending nearly an hour fending them off and repeating the same "I'll be fine" sentiment over and over again, I had finally abandoned all hope of solitude and submitted to the hovering bodies and curious stares of my brothers and sister.

"They said they know you," Tobin repeated and, after I groaned and let my head drop to the back of the couch, he quickly amended, "I know you have no memories before you came to Jacksonville, but do you think it is possible that you knew them from Washington?"

I scoffed. It was nearly impossible for me to imagine a reality where I was on speaking terms with a leech, let alone two of them. Still, I would've been lying if I had said the same thought hadn't crossed my mind. Was it possible? Was there some alternate reality where I, as a human, had been connected to vampires? The very thought was laughable to me, but in the same breath, it worried me. I didn't want it to be true. After all, it was the vampires who had almost killed me and everything important to me. Surely the aversion I felt toward them had always been with me.

Glancing at Tobin, I realized that he was asking a serious question and anticipating an answer. I simply shrugged. "There's no way for me to answer that."

"I suppose not," he responded, somewhat distracted. "It does not make sense. You have not been one of us long enough to earn a reputation among them. No offense." I shrugged again. "How do they even know your name?"

"All questions that I would love to answer," I snapped, glaring openly at all of them. "Look, if all you're going to do is ask me questions I can't answer, can you just…not?"

There was silence after that, and I was grateful for it. It gave me the opportunity to think on all of their questions, as well as my own. If these leeches did know me, if I they were from my past, what would that mean for me as a Walker? Did that make me some kind of traitor? I shook my head. That's ridiculous. Shiloh was in love with a vampire at one point…surely she would understand. I mean..I don't even remember it. That has to count for something. Doesn't it?

"Can I ask you a question, Bella?" Collin suddenly interrupted my internal monologue, and with a heavy, irritated sigh, I turned to him with an arched eyebrow. What now? "Are you all right?"

I paused, unprepared for that question, and while I pondered just what to tell him, I said, "No."

He nodded. "As I figured. What is bothering you the most?"

"If what you're all asking me is true," I started slowly, staring at the ground and picking off idle pieces of lint from the sofa cushions. "If I really did have some kind of connection to the leeches before I came here, what does that mean for me as a Walker? Am I going to be kicked out or something?"

"Kicked out?" He was almost fighting back laughter. "Bella, we are not a high school clique that can 'kick' people out."

"That is not entirely true," Rix called from his place against the far wall. Running a hand through his hair, he continued explaining how the Walkers' version of 'kicking someone out' involved killing them, which only served to make me feel worse. After seeing my crestfallen expression, he frowned. "Did I say something wrong?"

Tobin shook his head disapprovingly at Rix before redirecting to me. "Bella, no one is going to kill you. I assure you. If they try to, they will have us to deal with. In addition, do you believe Shiloh, who was willing to sacrifice herself for you, would allow that to happen?"

I sighed and shook my head, realizing how ridiculous I sounded. It was the same feeling that caused me so much grief again and again—the feeling of not knowing. Who were these leeches? How did they know me? Why were they here? How did they have a picture of me? What did they want? There were also lingering questions on the corner of my mind, wondering if they could unlock the secrets that my transformation had forbidden me from accessing.

"I know," I finally answered Tobin, chuckling at my own paranoia. "I'm being ridiculous. I just don't like that there are strangers here looking for me."

"I know," Tobin nodded, and after a beat or two, he rested his hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at him. "We will find out, though. You are not alone in this, mo dheirfiúr."

The term of endearment softened my mood, and I smiled at him. While I wasn't completely over my nervousness, I was placated momentarily and able to think clearly.

"Where's Shiloh?" I asked curiously, noting that I had not seen our fearless leader since we had returned from our meeting with Cristina. The rest of them shrugged, not knowing where she had disappeared to. I suppose it didn't matter and pressed on. "I'm looking forward to tonight."

This changed the subject immediately, and our conversation became centered around our intended visit to the leeches' den of iniquity. While the others debated and made wages on how many each of them would kill, I remained quiet and seized the opportunity to think.

I acted annoyed by the questions surrounding these strange nomads, but truth be told, I wanted to find them. I wanted to question them, to find out what they knew about me and how. I couldn't do this, of course. Before we had returned home, Shiloh had strictly forbid me from seeking them out on my own accord.

"We do not know their purpose, and until that is rectified, you are not to seek out these nomads."

I frowned as her words came back to me. She had my best interest at heart—that much I knew—but it felt a little unfair to expect me to sit around and wait, especially considering how much I had struggled with the loss of my memories. I briefly entertained the idea of slipping away and tracking them. New leeches weren't exactly hard to find. There were a few local vampires that I could rely on to sing like parrots. They would tell me where to find them. I sighed heavily, though, as Shiloh's mandate reverberated in my ears, knowing that I wouldn't go against her.

If I were to break her mandate, I would be no better than the leeches. My life no longer revolved around "me" or "I"; It was "us."

There was a soft touch on my shoudler, and I turned to find Collin kneeling beside me. The others had moved deeper into the under dwelling, leaving the two of us alone. This set me on edge. It had been quite a while since he and I had been alone together. I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

"Are you all right?" He inquired as he sat beside me. "You look more pensive than usual."

I shrugged and shook my head. "I want to look for them. The nomads. But Shiloh told me not to."

He snorted lightly. "I know that feeling."

"What?" I turned to him, slightly confused.

"There was a time when I wanted to seek you out, back before we knew each other, but Shiloh told me not to. Then again, it seems fate had other plans, yeah?"

I smiled softly, nodding. "Yeah. Funny how things work out."

A tense silence roared between us, and I started to fidget slightly under the pressure. I was also a bit frustrated. As far as I could remember, he and I had never been this bad. We had never had issues talking to one another. So what had happened? I suppose I didn't have to be Shiloh to answer that question. I had changed. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I wasn't the sniveling, fearful human that I had been.

Perhaps the new person didn't mesh with Collin anymore. Maybe my personality was more in line with Tobin. He and I had been spending a lot more time together, and to be honest, I felt more secure with him. It was nothing romantic, of course. I viewed Tobin as a brother and a friend. Why didn't I feel that with Collin, though? Weren't they supposed to mean the same to me?

"What's wrong?" Collin suddenly asked, sounding alarmed.

I looked to him and noticed that his eyes were focused on the floor. Glancing down, I was shocked to find that I had been digging my nails into the concrete floor, ripping pieces up like they were made of syrafoam. I hadn't even realized I was doing it.

"Oh," I said lightly, pulling my hands to my lap and hanging my head. "Sorry."

"Nothing to apologize for," he said, touching my shoulder again. "Something's bothering you. I can tell. What is it?"

I wanted to open up and tell him about everything that had been bothering me—the loss of my memories, the uncontrollable nervousness I felt when I was aroudn him, the worries I felt over these strangers—but, as was my usual manner of dealing with things like this, I clammed up.

"Bella?" He called to me again, coaxing me with his gentle voice, but I did not give in. I wanted to, but for whatever reason, I just couldn't. "We used to talk all the time. Why did that change?"

I turned to him, my mouth slightly ajar, and I whispered, "I don't know."

"You're still new to our life," he said with a sigh, shaking his head. "Of course your reactions are different. Forgive me. I shouldn't be pushing you."

"You're not," I insisted, stopping him as he tried to leave. The feeling of my hand on his bare arm, my skin against his was ivigorating, and it affected my coherence momentarily. I released him and took a step back, glancing at my feet like the awkward teenager I had once been. "I mean, I've been wondering the same. It just feels... different, you know? But, it isn't you pushing me. Believe me, I don't want to feel this way anymore than you do."

He crossed his arms and nodded, mirroring my adolescent gestures by lowering his eyes. While his attention was temporarily diverted, I seized the opportunity to look at him—I mean really look at him.

It never ceased to amaze me how little I had been capable of appreciating the gloriousness that was the Walkers with my pathetic human vision. I could never see the subtle curves that accompanied the sharp, chiseled features that made up Collin. His biceps flexed involuntarily, and their size both impressed and thrilled me. While not as large as Dex's or Tobin's, Collin's physique was remarkable and, for lack of a better word, perfect.

He was also handsome. That was something that had been established long ago. When we had been at the Colony, Shiloh had been approached by several women, many of them wishing to talk to Collin. She had given him permission, but for some reason, he had denied their attention.

"Are you all right?" He said suddenly.

I hadn't realized that he was watching me even though his head was down.

I nodded. "Yeah. I was just remembering something."

He lifted his head and his eyebrows rose slightly, his lips pulling up in the smirk. "Care to share?"

"No," I responded immediately, shaking my head.

"Always the coy one," he retorted, uncrossing his arms and placing them defiantly on his hips. "All right. Keep your secrets. Are you ready for tonight? The leeches at these blood baths can get pretty nasty."

"I don't know if I should be offended or amused that you think I can't handle it," I remarked dryly, and before he had time to fire off some retort, I squared my shoulders and leveled my determined gaze. "This isn't my first nest, either. Tobin and I cleared out that club last month."

He frowned. "I'm not meaning to insinuate that you don't know what you're doing. I'm just worried about you."

His concern flattered me, but there was a part of me that grew a bit irritated. I wasn't a weak human anymore. I didn't need protection. "I can take care of myself."

"I know you can." He sighed. "Doesn't stop me from worrying, though."

There was nothing I could say in response to that, so I chose to say nothing. I somewhat understood where he was coming from. After all, Shiloh had been a Walker since her birth, over nine hundred years prior, and yet, we all worried about her. In the same breath, though, Shiloh had always been extraordianry. For the majority of my life, I had been nothing but ordinary. Now that I had the chance to be something more, to mean something more, the mere reminder of what I once was agitated me. Knowing this was not his intent, though, made it easier to shrug off.

We continued to converse over the next hour, and pretty soon, the rest of our pack had made an appearance. When Shiloh and Dex finally arrived, the four of us—me, Rix, Una, and Collin—were laughing in the center of the room, blissfully content in the presence of our pack, our friends—our family.

"I have news," Dex announced, calling us to order before sitting among us. Shiloh took her usual position in the far corner of the room. "I have been speaking to one of our loyals, and he thinks he can sneak me into the club tonight."

"I hope you have an impressive fake i.d.," Tobin quipped, and upon realizing that no one else was laughing, he threw up his arms and added, "Really? Not even a giggle?"

"Why is this necessary?" Shiloh inquired, stepping forward and frowing disapporvingly.

"There's going to be significant security at this one." He glanced back at us. "The first sight of us, and they'll evacuate."

Collin shrugged. "Simple solution: they don't see us coming."

"That's a little difficult," he turned his gaze to me, "when we have a ticking time bomb with us."

Everyone, including me snickered. I wasn't ignorant enough to deny it. I was still new. In addition, Dex's affectionate smirk and winking eye told me that he was not entirely serious.

"Have you found out anything about these outsiders that are looking for Bella?" Collin asked suddenly. Everyone fell silent and turned to Shiloh and Dex. I sidled up to him and waited for an answer.

Shiloh shook her head. "No."

I tried to convince myself that I hadn't been expecting anything from Shiloh and that her answer did not matter, but it was useless. I wanted to know; I wanted answers. A part of me, the irrational, angry side of my personality questioned if she had even bothered to look, and though I tried to quiet the hissing voice in my head, it became louder and louder until it was practically screaming in my head.

"We will move soon, and when we—"

I cut off Dex by snarling, "Did you even look for them, Shiloh?"

A deafening silence engulfed us, and as I glanced around, I realized that my youthful temper had gotten the better of me again. As I glanced at the others, the only one who dared to meet my gaze was Collin, and the shock I found behind his eyes terrified me. What have I done? I slowly turned back to face the repercussions of my actions. Dex was staring down at me with disappointment and anger, but Shiloh stared at me with a look I had never seen on her before. She looked sad.

I breathed heavily and shook my head, and my words began to tumble out. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Forgive me. It's not my place to ask. I know better than that."

After an additional beat of silence, I heard Shiloh sigh. "If you must know, Bella, I did look for these leeches. I did not find them. It is likely they were chased out by the land owners. Do you truly believe I would keep something so important from you?"

I shook my head, refusing to look at her. "No. You're always looking out for me. I should have known better. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Please forgive me."

It was Dex who spoke this time. "These insurrections of yours have become quite frequent, Bella. We have been lenient due to your being new to this existence, but we cannot continue to tolerate it. Sooner or later, you will be held to the same standards as the others and be subject to the same consequences."

"I understand," I answered, nodding. "I can do better for you."

"It is not for Shiloh and myself alone," Dex pointed out, and I lifted me head. He stepped toward me and pointed over my shoulder. While his voice was stern, there was an underlying current of tenderness that showed he cared. "It is the others as well. Collin, Una, Tobin, Rix. They are at risk when you lose your head."

I nodded again, the shame of of his reprimand burning the tips of my ears bright red.

There wasn't much time to feel the sting of my humiliation, though. The sun was quickly getting lower in the sky, and once it vanished, we would be on the move. Dex continued his plan, informing us that this blood den was being run by an outsider, someone who was unfamiliar with our kind. This was an extreme advantage for us. Humans were commonly employed by the leeches for these festivities. Unfortunately, they would become a meal once they were no longer useful. Dex would infiltrate and pose as a bartender, and when the time was right, he would let us in through the back door. The thought of taking out another den thrilled me, especially since it was Blood Week. They would not anticipate our appearance.

Once the meeting had concluded, Shiloh and Dex retreated further in the under dwelling to speak, and I chose to step outside. It had started to rain again, and I took a few steps into the clearing, allowing the droplets to fall on me. I could not explain it, but I found a form of peace in the rain. The smell and sensation of the rain streaking across my skin was of great comfort to me. Thunder rolled in the distance, and I closed my eyes to listen to it.

I became instantly aware of another presence, and as I turned my nose to the wind and inhaled, I knew it was Tobin.

"You are fortunate that Shiloh has a soft spot for you," he muttered as he approached. I opened my eyes and turned to face him, surprised to see him looking somewhat humored. "If it were any of the others, the punishment would have been much more severe."

I shrugged. "It's just because I'm new."

He sighed and shook his head before attempting to change the subject. "We're pairing up for tonight. Am I to assume you will be with Collin?"

"I hadn't thought of it." It was the truth. I had been so caught up with wondering who the strange leeches were that I had barely considered the fight. Tobin liked to hunt alone, Una and Rix always fought together, which just left me and Collin. I cringed slightly. "Yeah. I suppose."

He snorted. "Don't sound so excited for my benefit."

His sarcasm made me smirk lightly. "I'm sorry. Things are just... well, you know."

"Yes. I do," he agreed, his eyebrows arching in a pointed manner as he stepped closer to me. "I recognize that this may be out of line, but the two of you are making life difficult for the rest of us." I lowered my head and refused to look at him. He sighed heavily. "One last piece of advice. Whatever is causing this rift between you, resolve it. If I have taken notice of it, you best believe that Shiloh has, as well. She does not care for tension in our group."

With that, he patted me on the shoulder and retreated back into our home. Before following him, I idled in the rain momentarily, enjoying the silence and feeling the water slide down my skin. There it was again. That tugging. That yearning to remember...something. What was it? I reached out with every bit of my mental power, trying to force this feeling of deja vu to blossom into a memory. Anything. As the seconds passed, though, I growled in frustration and shook my head.

Maybe Tobin is right. Maybe I should just let this go. What would remembering my past mean anyway? It won't change who I am now or what's happened to me. What's the use?

With a silent resolution to try and abandon this seemingly fruitless effort to unlock my past, I headed underground to prepare for the night.

Author's note: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to post an update. A lot has happened in the last year that has shaken the bedrock of my life. I tried to work on this chapter so many times, but honestly, I just couldn't find the strength. In addition, I have been focusing a lot in school, especially as it pertains to my writing, and it has really paid off. I will be entering a research paper into a conference in the Spring. So I'm happy about that!

Either way. I'm really wanting to try and get back to writing semi-regularly. Here's hoping my writer's block and depression will not stand in my way.

As always, questions? Comments? Concerns?

I don't receive notifications when someone comments/PMs me. I try to check this often, but if you don't get a response, that's why. Thanks again for sticking by me, guys. It's been a tough road.