"I don't know, Gru. I don't think I can fix it," Dr. Nefario sighed as he looked at what remained of Clive.
"But Dr. Nefario, you have to fix eet! My wife and ze gurls are depending on you!" Gru wailed, flapping his arms anxiously. "I don't know what to tell zem if you can't do zis!"
Dr. Nefario poked experimentally at Clive. "I'm sorry, Gru, but it's damaged beyond repair. I'd have to start from scratch and build an entirely new robot at this-"
Both of them jumped as one of the robot's feet twitched. "Ahhh! Eet's alive!" Gru gasped. He looked at Nefario, but Nefario just shrugged.
"Gru, I don't know what's-" Nefario started again, but before he could finish his sentence, the robot sat up and tilted its head.
"Rebooting entirely. Database restarting…." Clive droned. His head dropped and he seemed to shut off as a loud grinding noise started up.
Both Gru and Nefario were silent for a moment. "Dr. Nefario...what is it doing?" Gru finally asked.
Dr. Nefario shrugged. "I'm not sure, Gru. I've never seen a robot of this type before. I don't even know what kind of software it might run on. But as long as this thing still works, I suppose I can try to work on it."
"Why is eet making zat grinding noise? Ees eet shutting off?"
"I'm not sure of that either. Like I said, I've never seen a robot like this before. Maybe it's one of a kind. Although…" Dr. Nefario faltered as he opened the robot's back up and peeked inside.
"Vhat? Vhat is it?" Gru snapped.
"-it almost looks more like a prop than an actual robot," Dr. Nefario finished. "In fact, I'm not so sure it's an actual robot per se. It's hollow inside-there's no actual wires…"
Gru squinted at Nefario, wondering if Nefario was seeing things again. Maybe the time in the carbonite had damaged his vision. If Nefario's hearing wasn't so great, then who knew what else wasn't working right?
Dr. Nefario gave Gru an offended look, as though he had heard Gru's thoughts. "If you don't believe me, come and see for yourself," Nefario offered. Gru stepped up beside Nefario and gazed into the depths of the robot. To his shock, Nefario was right-there were no gears or wires of any kind. Instead, there was only what looked like a shiny pink plastic heart held in the center by pipes and cables. The rest of the robot was entirely empty.
"Vhy vould anyone design a prop like thees? Eet's so tacky," Gru scoffed.
"Well, it was the 80's, Gru," Nefario said. "Besides, I've never actually watched Bratt's show, so I don't know if the interior was designed like this for a specific episode or not."
"Vell, do you think you can repair it?" Gru asked, secretly relieved. Although he was a little disappointed that the robot clearly wasn't going to reveal any of Bratt's secrets, he was glad that it wasn't going to cause any trouble. The last thing he needed in his life was another little munchkin barging in and turning his life upside down.
"I'll try," Nefario said. "You know, knowing that this is a prop and not an actual robot makes it so much easier! I don't know what Bratt was doing with this thing, but-"
"-but vhy vas it making that grinding noise?" Gru said, suddenly spooked. "If eet's really a prop, eet shouldn't be making any noise at all."
"I don't know, Gru. I'll need take a closer look at it before I know exactly how it works," Nefario huffed.
"Vell, thank you for trying," Gru said. "I must be getting back to thee gurls now. Good luck vith ze robot!"
As Gru walked out of the lab, Nefario cautiously opened the head of the robot. He spit out his false teeth in shock when he realized what he was looking at. "Gru, come back here, I've just found something incredible!" Nefario called, but Gru was already gone.
…
After many hours of tinkering, explosions, and muttered curses, Dr. Nefario finally finished fixing the robot. He grinned as the Grus entered the lab, looking in awe at the sheet-covered robot.
"So it's really ready? You're going to turn it on?" Edith said, her eyes shining with excitement.
Nefario nodded. "Oh, it's ready all right. Look at this beauty!"
And with that, Nefario unveiled the robot. There were oohs and aahs as the robot sparked to life. It shifted from foot to foot and blinked as it took in its new surroundings. It looked confused and frightened, like it had never seen anything like the current sights before it.
The robot quickly turned its head and gazed at the family, eventually coming to rest its eyes on Edith. "Greetings. I am C.L.I.V.E., also known as Clearly Living Interactive-Very Eighties," the robot droned. "Copyright 1985, Kawaii Robotics. Programming is to commence immediately. What do you want to name me?"
"This is so cool!" Edith squealed. She ran over to Dr. Nefario and hugged him. "Thanks for fixing him."
"Vait, vait, vait a meenute!" Gru said. "Vhat ees going on here? Vhy is it restarting? Vhy doesn't it remember it vas Balthazar's robot?"
"I'm sorry, Gru, but it kept rebooting and I couldn't get it to stop," Nefario said. "Besides, it was so damaged that I had no choice to restart it."
"Awww," Lucy said. "You mean it's not going to tell us anything about Balthazar?"
"I'm afraid not," Nefario replied.
"I don't care!" Edith said. "Ummm….can I name you Ninja?"
Clive nodded. "Name accepted. Storing in database…"
The robot commenced to make another series of grinding noises for several minutes before he spoke again. "'Ninja' accepted. What is your intended primary purpose for usage?"
"Errr….I don't know," Edith stammered. "Ummm...I just want to play with you?"
The robot nodded again. "Playmate accepted as primary purpose. Resetting database for new primary purpose…"
Gru frowned as he looked at the robot. "Do you suppose eet has any memory of Bratt at all?" he whispered to Dr. Nefario.
"I think it may, Gru…" Dr. Nefario faltered. "When I looked inside its head, I found something rather unusual…"
"Vhat vas it?"
"That so-called 'database' it speaks of is actually a BRAIN."
Gru almost spit in Nefario's face. "VHAT?! Zat should be eempossible! How on Earth…"
"I'm not sure, Gru. All I know is that when I opened the head, there was a brain in a huge vat in there. To be fair, it wasn't exactly natural-looking, so there may be some robotic elements involved, but…"
"...zat makes no sense at all," Gru finished. "Eet's just a prop! How can eet have a brain? Ees eet a plastic brain or sometheeng? Eet can't be real...right?"
"I don't know, Gru. This robot is pretty unusual. We'll have to keep an eye on him," Nefario said.
"But if eet has a brain...how do we get eet to remember Balthazar Bratt?" Gru asked. He wasn't sure what exactly he was getting, and whether he even wanted to go this far.
Nefario grinned and pulled out a ginormous a wooden hammer. "Just one knock on the head should do it," he said as he prepared to swing.
Gru leapt forward and held down Nefario's arm. "NO NO NO NO NO! On second thought, ze last thing we need is for zis robot to remember eets owner and cause more trouble!"
"Aww," Edith said. "I kind of wanted to see what would happen…"
"NOBODY vill be doing anysing to zis robot to get it back to eets original settings," Gru scolded. He frowned as he suddenly realized that the AVL would absolutely want their hands on this thing if they knew it had survived the wreck. "Lucy, vhat do I do?"
"Can't we keep him? I've had a stack of CDs I've wanted to play for ages and I really want to try them out on this guy," Lucy whispered in glee.
"Lucy, this robot is so old that he actually only plays cassettes," Nefario pointed out.
Lucy shrugged. "So? I still want to keep him! At least he won't pee on the neighbor's bushes, unlike some pets I could mention."
"Kyle's not that bad!" Agnes pointed out helpfully.
Gru sighed. "All right, ze robot stays. But if he makes trouble…"
But Edith was already eagerly trying to teach Clive to climb up the stairs.
….
Gru had never seen Edith act so happy before. She would take the robot everywhere with her, even to family dinners out. If Agnes wanted to play tea party with her, Edith would insist that the robot was included. Gru even caught them watching cartoons together one morning. Gru had to admit he was a little concerned about Edith's obsession, but Lucy insisted it was harmless and would go away eventually.
So Gru let it all slide. All that really mattered was that Edith was enjoying herself and keeping the robot out of trouble. What did it matter that the AVL probably wanted the thing? Surely they'd understand his reasons for keeping it.
At least, that was what Gru thought for the three whole weeks that the silence lasted.
It all happened one Sunday morning after church, when Edith was swordfighting with the robot in the front yard. Clive didn't make a particularly good opponent, but he fought as best he could. He only managed to last half a minute, at best, before Edith triumphantly knocked him down.
"Five times! I won five times!" Edith exclaimed. She grinned as Clive grumbled and picked himself up. "Can we do it again?"
"I always lose," Clive moaned. But he just shook his head and picked up his sword. "Ready?"
"You bet I am!" Edith said. Her sword clashed with Clive's as she attempted to knock the weapon out of his hand. Just as Edith was getting the upper hand, however, a large white van with 'AVL' in large blue letters on its side rolled up to the house. Two men wearing nice suits and sunglasses approached the house with a clipboard, looking very concerned.
"Is this the residence of Mr. Felonious Gru and Mrs. Lucy Wilde?" one of the men asked. He looked about three hundred pounds and had a Fu Manchu mustache that reached his stomach.
"Yeah, I guess," Edith said. "Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be secret agents?"
The other man-a slender creature with a hideous cowlick-frowned. "We need you to take us to them immediately. There is some rather important business we must discuss. Oh, and be sure to take your little friend with you."
"What does Ninja have anything to do with this?" Edith asked.
"All in good time, little girl," said the first man. "Now come on. Go get us your parents."
Edith scowled and stomped back to the house, dragging her sword on the ground. She opened the door, stuck her head inside, and yelled, "Mom, Dad, the AVL guys are here to talk with you about something important!"
"COMEENG!" Gru yelled back as he dashed out of the bathroom and pulled up his pants.
Lucy nervously ran her fingers through her hair and straightened the lapel of her coat. "Do you think they're here for the robot?" she asked Gru as they walked out the door.
"Vell, vhat else could zey be here for?" Gru replied. He reached into his jacket and seriously considered blasting the men with a freeze ray, but Lucy gave him a Look, and all thoughts of mischief left his mind. He sighed. "You never let me do anytheeng fun anymore!"
"At least I keep you from losing your job," Lucy said. She smiled and waved at the agents, who just stared blankly back. "Hello!"
"Hello, Mrs. Wilde," the second agent said. "We are here to inquire about your robot. If our records are correct-"-at this point the agent whipped out a pile of paperwork-"-this robot used to belong to the notorious villain Balthazar Bratt. Is that correct?"
"But he's ours now!" Edith said. Lucy and Gru jumped when they saw Edith protectively clutching Clive to her. "And I won't let you take him away!"
"Sorry, miss, but the AVL would like to take the robot for testing," the first agent said. He almost looked like he was enjoying the whole thing.
"Now look here, meester," Gru said, stepping up to the first agent and sticking his nose in the agent's face. "My daughter has had zis robot for THREE WEEKS. She ees not going to geeve him up, and if you so much as TRY…" Gru took out his freeze ray and pointed it at the agents for effect.
Neither agent was fazed. "And we can take your job away if you so much as point that thing at us," the second agent said.
Edith ran up and kicked the agents in the shins. "You can't say that to Dad! That's not fair!"
Lucy nervously turned towards Clive and knelt down next to him while Gru tried to restrain Edith. "Okay, Ninja...what do you want to do?"
Clive slowly turned around to face the agents. Then, quite suddenly, he fell to his knees, crying hysterically.
The agents looked at one another for a moment, and in that moment, Clive dropped the facade. Unfortunately, the agents noticed and grinned maniacally.
"Sorry, but we'll have to take him with us," the agents said, "There's simply too much at stake, given recent...developments with Bratt."
Before anyone had a chance to ask what they meant, the agents slapped a pair of handcuffs onto Clive and hauled the wailing robot away into their van. Everyone stood in shock as they watched the truck drive away.
Edith looked pleadingly up at Gru. "You can get him back, right, Dad?"
Gru grinned naughtily. "Of course I can. Een fact, ve are all going back to get him right now!"