THEN THERE WAS LIGHT

CHAPTER 3

Dean felt as if he was floating again. A peaceful white light surrounded him. He floated past such lovely things. There was an old cabin they stayed in one summer. He hated that place, but this time when he looked at it, he noticed the beauty that surrounded it. There was a field of wild flowers that flowed in overgrown grass. A small brook ran near the cabin, bringing the deer there to drink. The inside wasn't horrible, which was where he spent most of his time, but he really took notice of the beauty on the outside.

He remembered running through the woods with Sam. He told his dad it was a training exercise, but, honestly, he wanted to have some fun, yes, he used it for training too, but mostly he wanted him and his brother to get rid of some built up energy they had both been feeling. Dean and Sam played hide n seek. And they chased each other through the overgrown grass, falling to the ground, laughing when they caught each other.

That's the way Dean liked training Sam, he had learned early on how to make everything into a game. He could tell his brother to play hide and seek when danger approached, and he would run and hide, not coming out until Dean found him, or told him he gave up. No matter what danger was around them, that always kept Sam safe. Sam found it fun too. And, he enjoyed the training Dean did with him, he enjoyed everything being a game.

Dean enjoyed watching his brother's face light up and hearing his laughter. There was one night at the cabin that he made up some excuse that Sam needed some night training, and the brothers laid on a blanket, far enough away from the cabin that they were alone, and they looked up at the stars, noticing their beauty and talking about the different things that Sam had learned about the planets and stars and their formations.

Sam was always a smart kid, Dean made sure of that. Before he even started school, Dean had already taught him his ABCs and how to count and his colors, and he was starting to read. He could even tie his own shoes; which Sam thought was the coolest thing because no one else in his class could do that!

Dean loved that Sam was so proud of everything that he had taught him. He felt like, no matter what anyone else said, he had finally managed to do something right. And it made Dean's heart glow with pride as well.

He floated past that memory and passed by a few others that he had never noticed before. The simple enjoyment of food. The way he would light up and enjoy the taste of a good cooked meal. He had learned how to starve, but he never really learned how to enjoy what he had. How to enjoy the food when he had it. Or, at least, he never noticed that he had. But, his pure enjoyment of something so simple, gave him pleasure and made him thankful for the opportunity to eat a good meal.

Some memories were small ones, he wasn't sure the time or place, but one was his dad, placing a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder, telling him it was okay, that he did good, and he was proud of him. He told him as long as everyone was safe that's all that mattered.

He moved on to the next. This was one of the times he had screwed something up, he was being punished. But, instead of just remembering the pain, he noticed his dad tried to explain to him with sympathy that he didn't have a choice. That, Dean had messed up, and had to be taught a lesson. Mess ups can get you killed out there, and he had to make sure he didn't do it again. His dad looks drunk, but also sad.

Dean realized, maybe that's why his punishments and harshest trainings happened while he was drunk, because he had to somehow drown out the emotions, he had to leave himself behind for the sake of the hunt. If he wasn't drunk, he wouldn't be able to train Dean the way he needed, his emotions and concern for his son would only get in the way.

John had tried his best, Dean always told Sam that, but he wasn't sure if he completely believed it himself. Not until now. He had carried so much hurt and heartaches through life, but now he realized that his dad had too. Sure, there were some times that his dad got overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle things, those times mostly came out as anger and ended with Dean being hurt, but now, he wondered what was really behind those outbursts of his dad's. Curiosity was getting the best of him.

He chose to let it go, to just ride this out, to enjoy what he was learning, what he was seeing, and not worry about what he would or would not see again.

He wondered why he couldn't just stay in this blissful peace, why he had to return to the real world. Sam was so concerned about finding a cure, and figuring out what was going on, but, Dean was fine if he never figured it out. He would be okay if he could stay this way forever. He had been through so much pain and grief, this was a nice change, one he thought he could live in forever.

He passed a memory of him flirting with a girl, they were young, too young to be serious, but he was happy, feeling like a normal kid. He wondered how different life would be if they had fallen in love and gotten married, maybe had a couple kids. He could imagine that. Sam once had Jess, but that was ruined for him, but maybe there was someone else out there for him? Someone better than Jess?

The morning sun shined through the crack in the curtains, shining on Dean's face, waking him with a stretch and silent groan. It was another new day, another chance to make the best out of life. He rolled over, watched Sam sleep for a few moments. He decided Sam needed his sleep, and if he was awake he would only try to find a way to fix what Dean didn't want fixed. So, Dean quietly got up and closed the crack in the curtains. He then hung his cover over the window, blocking out the light from outside. Dean, personally, enjoyed the light, he enjoyed the dawning of a new day.

He checked his freshly picked flowers, making sure they had enough water, then laid back in his bed. He decided if he didn't want to wake Sam, the best thing for him to do was lay back down, which, he wasn't completely opposed to. He didn't mind sleeping, it was a wonderful sensation. He was beginning to wonder why he even had to wake up.

He made himself comfortable. Still feeling the peace that had been surrounding him the past couple days, and closed his eyes, allowing his body to fall back into a deep sleep.

At first, Dean thought he should have felt fear, but he didn't. He watched as his dad started him on his training, after a long hunt, they were alone, in the middle of nowhere. John told him to run, to hide, he had his belt in his hands. Dean knew he didn't have time to hesitate. He knew this training was necessary. It taught him so much that he would use later in his life. He learned to run, to hide, and how to get away from anything that was threatening to hurt him, but most importantly, it taught him what he needed to know so he could teach Sam.

He watched himself, like an out of body experience. He was a natural, a pro. He noticed everything around him. His surroundings became a part of him. He noticed every little spot, every small hill and every bush, he noticed the trees he could and could not climb. He took note of places that weren't the best, but was something he could consider for temporary shelter if need be.

But he moved on, quickly taking in his surroundings until he found a perfect hiding place. It was a feeling of accomplishment. A feeling of success. He knew he was learning, knew he could protect himself, and Sammy, if their lives depended on it.

Right now, his life didn't depend on it, and he knew what the end results would be, but that was okay, because he needed to learn how to handle the injuries that comes with the job. He's been able to withstand more than most people would even be able to imagine. He felt a sense of pride knowing this. He felt strong, like, for a moment, he was the superhero Sam had seen him as.

Dean liked that feeling. He liked feeling like he was worth something. The feeling of self-worth was something he wasn't used to feeling. It was certainly something he could get used to.

He saw himself, and his dad, returning from a possible hunt, or training session. He wasn't really sure which one, but he was injured. Not too bad, but bad enough he was in pain. He had to have been close to being a teenager. Sam was in the motel room, alone, and John didn't start leaving him alone until he felt he was old enough. Sam was upset because he was left alone, but once Dean was back around, everything seemed to be okay, with the both of them.

Dean smiled as Sam's eyes lit up. He didn't care how much he hurt, when his brother wrapped his arms around him he didn't even flinch, he was just thankful he made it back, thankful his little brother was okay. There was no better feeling than being with his little brother, being able to protect him and know everything was well with him.

He didn't want to leave, he froze his memories at that moment. The happiness, the peacefulness, as he returned alive, and was back to protect his brother, to make sure he was taken care of. Little Sammy had wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, leaning his head against his chest. Dean blocked out all the pain and discomfort, and embraced the love and comfort at that moment. He wanted to stay there forever. He didn't want to move on. He remained frozen in that moment of time.

Sam had woken up, he was surprised to see Dean still asleep, then he noticed the blanket over the window, he had seen it before. It was their way of blocking out light, allowing the other brother, or themselves, to sleep longer.

Sam stretched and yawned, thankful for the extra sleep he was able to get. He had been up late doing research. He got out of bed, hitting the bathroom first, followed by a shower. He was having a good morning, he didn't feel rushed or stressed. Once he had completed his morning routine, he decided he would wake Dean, and go get breakfast.

He gave Dean a few shakes, calling his name, without any response. He attempted again, this time he got a slight response, a moan and slight movement, but that was all. Again, he tried, but didn't have any luck. He wasn't sure if his brother was that tired or if there was something else going on. He decided a little more sleep wouldn't hurt anyone, so, he left Dean a note, and headed to the diner for breakfast. Once he was finished, he decided to bring Dean back some carbohydrates and a cup of coffee.

Dean was sure he could hear his brother's voice, but he didn't want to wake. He wanted to stay in the moment he had frozen. Once his brother's voice was gone, he decided it was time to move on, to see what other memories were waiting for him.

He was in awe of the things he once saw as a nightmare, but now was filled with so much light, so much love, and a new understanding. The outbursts from his dad, the ones that made no sense, that seemed to come from nowhere. He understood those were from an overwhelming life, but he didn't see those memories, not in the light. The light was full of love and understanding.

He moved on, seeing the ones he had loved and lost, it wasn't the pain of the loss but the love that he was embracing. The sincere concern for him. The women that he had fallen in love with. The love was something that was more than he had felt with others. It was a feeling that filled him through his soul. Something he wished he could feel again. He wondered if he stayed in these memories if he would be able to hold on to the love he felt.

There were so many memories, so many times, he wished he could stay. He wished he could hold on to those feeling forever. He stayed, enjoying the feelings, enjoying the peace, enjoying the love. Nothing else seemed to matter. The fact that he knew there were more memories, more life he lived past this point, didn't matter. He wanted to embrace the goodness.

His life had been so full of darkness and pain, he wanted, just once, to stay in the light and happiness. He thought, perhaps, he deserved this. He deserved to be happy, to feel loved. He deserved to remain in the feelings that he enjoyed.

Sam had returned from the diner, noticing his brother still asleep. He removed the cover, allowing the light to shine through. It took several attempts to try to wake Dean before even getting any type of response. It took a few more tries before Dean began waking up.

"Hey, there, Dean, you need to wake up, sleepy head."

"Why?"

"Because the day is half over, and you're sleeping it away."

"Leave me alone!"

"Hey, Mr. grumpy, rise and shine, I brought you a Danish and some coffee."

Dean pushed himself into a seating position. Gladly accepting the Danish and luke warm coffee.

"You feeling alright today?" Sam was slightly concerned with the fact he had slept most of the day.

"Yeah, I'm good, just slept longer than I meant to, I guess."

"How's your dreams?"

"Man, they are great! I haven't had a nightmare in nights, actually they've been the complete opposite."

Sam just nodded, like he understood. "The light?"

Dean looked shocked. "How did you know?"

"I've been researching, remember?"

"Yeah, well, you're more than welcome to stop at any time."

"Dean." Sam had a saddened tone in his voice. "You can't stay like this. I'm sure you're enjoying it, but you can't stay here. There's more to life than these memories that you're seeing, the same as there was more than the dark memories you were living in."

"Yeah, well…" Dean stopped his words, he wasn't really sure how to reply. He knew his brother was right, but he didn't like the fact that he was right.

"Dean… you know I'm right."

"You just think you're so smart, don't you, college boy?"

"Dean."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it, okay? I get that I'm not allowed to have happiness, that the only thing that will make you or anyone else happy is for my life to be filled with darkness. I don't matter. My feelings don't matter. I get it, okay!"

"Dean! That's not what I meant. I never said that! I'm only saying that this person, the one you are right now, it isn't you, just like the person you were before this, wasn't you either."

"Yeah, well, why can't this be me? Why is it so bad that I'm actually happy? Why can't I enjoy life for once?"

"Because, its going to end up destroying you."

"How?"

"I don't know yet. I'm still trying to figure it out. The best I can tell is there's two fazes to this thing, the darkness and the light. The darkness is the first one, when those creatures attacked you, they somehow… infected… you with the darkness. I think they were created by dark magic, I'm not entirely sure, but I think they were once people, who were sacrificed, only instead of being killed they were turned into these creatures. They were put there to protect the curse that was carved in the cave. I'm not sure if there were originally 3 of them, but I do know they wouldn't abandon their post, which makes me wonder if one of them had died."

"I think they don't live forever, but some of their victims have been turned into creatures instead of killed, possibly when one of them dies. And, I'm thinking that what's going on with you, is their way of turning their victims. Which could be why there were only 2 of them, they are needing to turn someone to replace the 3rd. And, I think it's you that they chose."

"Why? Why me?"

"I'm not sure, I think maybe you have something they were looking for? Maybe they needed a survivor? Or a fighter? Someone who has the ability to protect the cave?"

"Great! Guess I'm good for more than I thought, I'm also great for being turned into a creature!" Dean rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, because you're just that amazing."

Dean let out a slight chuckle, disagreeing with his brother.

"Anyhow, if we don't figure this thing out, I'm afraid you're, somehow, going to turn into one of those things."

Dean shuttered. "Dude! I can't go around looking that fuggly!"

"Exactly! That's why I need to figure this out. I need to learn how to stop it from progressing."

"So, what can I do?"

"You, just keep being you. I don't think your head is on very good right now. So, I just need you to keep hanging in there. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

"And enjoy all this while you have the chance." Sam added with a grin. "Man, I wish you could feel this way all the time. I've actually enjoyed seeing you enjoying life, it's something I don't think I've ever seen from you before."

"Yeah, I thought you said I was annoying."

"You are!" Sam laughed. "But, it's still a nice thing to see from you. You deserve it, you deserve every minute of it, but, what you don't deserve is to become one of those creatures."

Dean nodded his head. "Hey Sammy."

"Yeah?"

"Promise me something."

"What?"

"I'm serious, you gotta promise me! If I become one of those things, you gotta kill me. I want it to be you. I want to know I'm not going to hurt anyone, I don't want to kill humans."

Sam's eyes dropped, he hated hearing his brother talk like that, but he knew if he couldn't stop this then it was a real possibility. He nodded his head. "Okay, I… I promise, Dean, I won't let you live as a monster, not if there's nothing I can do to change it."

Dean nodded, glad his brother was agreeing to take him out, but also understanding that his brother would first do everything he could to get his brother back.

"But." Sam added. "I'm going to do everything in my power to keep that from happening."

"I know you will, and… thanks."

Sam stood, patting Dean on his knee. "Anything for my brother!" He said as he made his way to the bathroom.

When he came back out, he noticed Dean leaning against the head board of his bed, he was propped on the pillows, looking like he was drifting off asleep. Sam sat on the bed next to his brother.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, just… I just want to go back to sleep, that's all."

"Why?"

"Honestly? I don't know. I just want to go back to the… the good feeling."

"The light?"

"Yeah, the light."

"I think you need to try to stay away from it."

Dean looked confused. "Why? I thought you told me to enjoy it while I could?"

"Yeah, but I don't think its good for you, just like the darkness wasn't. Dean, I just want you to be safe."

"Yeah, okay, whatever." Dean mumbled as he closed his eyes.

"Dean!" Sam rolled his eyes, knowing he was fighting a loosing battle.