After your lunch with Frederick that day, the two of you grew closer. You were nervous about it at first, was it really wise to be friendly with your supervisor? Then again, you had reminded yourself, he was only your temporary supervisor. It couldn't hurt to have a new friend.
Although, the thought of not working with him anymore made you a little sad. You tried not to think of that, as the two of you spent more lunches together, even getting together outside of work. You found it so easy being with Frederick. He really listened to what you had to say, and seemed genuinely interested. And he was quite sweet and had a wry sense of humor you enjoyed. You felt you could really be yourself around him.
The weeks went by quickly, as you eased into your new routine. And, having a friend at work didn't hurt. Frederick even helped you in finding a new place, which you would be moving into next month, when your temporary assignment ended. You were still looking for a permanent job, but you had had several interviews, and things were really looking up.
Today the two of you were going to the movies after work, and you were excited. More excited than you probably should have been, at the thought of sitting so close to him in a darkened theater. You ignored this feeling, reminding yourself he was your friend. Nothing more.
Although you certainly wouldn't admit it to yourself, you were developing feelings for him. Feelings that were getting harder and harder to push down and avoid, no matter how hard you tried. You had become skilled in avoiding difficult feelings with Marcus, but whether you knew it on a conscious level or not there was no hiding from them forever. And your assignment was ending in two weeks, though you tried to keep it from your mind.
You weren't sure how he felt, although he always smiled at you in a way that he did with no one else. A smile that made you feel warm and your face flush. He was only being kind, you told yourself.
In truth, Frederick too felt himself falling for you, harder and faster than he had fallen for anyone else before. And that scared him. He didn't want to lose such a wonderful friend, and he was also afraid he wasn't good enough for you.
That he would end up hurting you, even though he would never mean to. The thought of your lovely face filled with sorrow caused his chest to ache. And surely, you wouldn't want to be in a relationship, you were healing. It was unfair of him to even think of it, he had told himself. Still, he found it hard to deny that your smile made him melt, and your kindness made him feel a contentment he wasn't sure he had ever felt.
Today unfortunately had turned out to be a difficult day workwise. One of Frederick's patients gave him an especially hard time, making a crack about his face. This normally was something he could brush off, since it had been some time now.
But he was going to be spending time with you, out and about. Although the two of you had gone to dinner out a few times, mostly you spent time at one of your homes.
He started to worry what people must think of him, a disfigured man with such a beautiful woman. You were just friends, but still, he wondered if he made you embarrassed. He told himself this wasn't true, but his anxiety got the better of him. You had been assisting another doctor with a patient, and were to meet him very soon back at his office.
You knocked at his door, excited to get going. "Frederick?" You said brightly, waiting for his answer. Nothing came, and you frowned as you knocked again. No answer. "Frederick?" You called again. His assistant had left for the day, and you were starting to worry something was wrong.
"Are you alright?" You asked, knocking once more before slowly opening the door.
He didn't answer, and you frowned as you walked slowly into his office, closing the door quietly behind you. Perhaps he wasn't in here you thought, but as you got closer you could see him standing by the window, head down, leaning heavily on his cane.
It was dark out, and there was little light in his office. Mainly from the moon outside and his desk lamp.
"Frederick," you said again softly, as you approached him. He didn't reply, and you realized as you got closer he was shaking. His eyes were shut tight and he jumped slightly as you gently put a hand on his shoulder.
"What's wrong Frederick?" You asked gently, as his eyes had flown open at your touch. You noticed a tear slip from his good eye, and you couldn't stop yourself from gently wiping it away with your thumb. He let out a little whine, cheek angling into your palm.
You felt your breath catch, and you froze. Not sure what to do. So you did what he always did for you. "I'm here Frederick," you whispered, moving closer to him.
"I...I… " he stuttered, surprising you both by pulling you close in an embrace, cane clattering to the ground.
You didn't move for a moment, surprised at just how much he had let his walls down with you. Finally you wrapped your arms right around him, rubbing his back.
"You don't need to say anything. I'm here. Whatever it is..I'm here." You said, feeling him shake against your frame. You heard a sob crack free from his throat and you bit your lip to keep from crying yourself. It ached, his pain becoming your own. You reached a hand up without thinking, running your hand through the curls at the bottom of his hair.
You two stayed like this for some time, and slowly you felt his heartbeat normalize. He slowly pulled back from you, still in your arms, but so he could see your face. He looked so beautiful, there was so much emotion in his green eye, which spoke volumes without a sound. He swallowed thickly, and it seemed as if there were only you two in the world. Nothing else mattered.
You wanted so badly to close the distance between the two of you and kiss him. But you still had a few weeks left at the hospital. And he really was your only friend in the area, not counting your cousin. If things didn't work out, you would have no one to talk to. And, what if your instincts were wrong? What if he turned out to be like Marcus. You didn't think you could handle another heartbreak.
You jumped, the moment broken by a vibration in your pocket. You laughed, smiling up at Frederick. "That would be the reminder for our date...I mean the movie…" You stumbled over your words, pulling out your phone as you dismissed the reminder. You could feel your cheeks reddening, and avoided his gaze.
"Ah, right," Frederick whispered. He had wanted so badly to kiss you, but perhaps he had imagined that moment between you two. There was no way a woman as smart and lovely as you would be attracted to someone that looked like he did, he reminded himself. Whatever would you see in him.
"If you're still up for it, of course?" You said, smiling up at Chilton. "If you don't feel well, and just want to go get some rest, I understand," you said, trying to hide the disappointment from your voice at this option.
"No, I would very much like to. Thank you," he said softly, squeezing your arm. "For...ah.."
"You're most welcome," you said, smiling as you gestured for the door. "Shall we?"
Most of the film was spent with each of you trying to sneak glances at the other. Neither of you brave enough to discuss that brief moment in his office.
A short while later Frederick was pulling up to your cousin's home. He went for the car door, and you knew he was going to go over to yours and walk you to the front door. Ever the gentleman.
"Frederick, wait," you asked, although it came out as a bit of a squeak.
He stopped, head turning immediately to you as he closed the door and sat back in his seat.
"What is it?" He asked, concern filling his expressive eyes.
"Do you…" you worried your bottom lip, unsure of whether or not you should bring up the subject. But you wanted to make sure he was okay, after how upset he was before. You had been so distracted by his closeless, wanting so badly to comfort him with more than just an embrace.
"Do you...want to talk? About why you were upset? I'd invite you in, but she's probably asleep already, I don't want to wake her, sorry," you said.
"It is...not important, really," he said, shifting in his seat, the street lights outside illuminating his reddened cheeks.
"Frederick...if you don't want to talk about it," you began, putting a hand on his arm tentatively. "That's okay," you lowered your head to meet his eyes, as he was now avoiding your gaze. "But...if it upset you...whatever it was...it matters. How you feel….matters," you whispered, hand stroking the back of his, that was resting on the armrest between you two.
He scoffed, still not meeting your eye.
"It matters, Frederick. It matters to me," you added, voice barely above a whisper.
He met your eyes at that, swallowing thickly. He grasped your hand in his, and you entwined his fingers with yours as he had done before.
"It….one of the patients...was making some...crude remarks, about my scar," he began, sighing, as his rub rubbed circles on the back of your hand.
"Oh Frederick…I'm sorry," you replied, placing your free hand over your joined ones.
"It is ….fine, I should be used to it by now," he laughed nervously, trying to act as though it had hurt him little.
"No one deserves to be treated that way. Besides, I don't see what there is to mock, really. You're quite handsome Frederick," you said, eyes widening when you realized what you had just told him.
"I...you think...you think I am handsome?" Frederick rasped, his mouth opening and closing, at a loss for what to say. Surely he was imagining this.
"Well...yes," you said, and you looked at him, really looked, and he did look especially gorgeous like this. Shy, a little unsure, and the moonlight was illuminating his features. His emerald eyes, his soft lips, his hair that surely would be soft to the touch.
"Thank...thank you," he stuttered, giving you that adorable half smile he sometimes gifted you with. The one that made your heart clench with emotion.
"You are….you are quite beautiful…." he whispered, free hand rising shakily to your cheek, ghosting over the soft skin there.
Your cheek cuddled to his hand, and you felt your will power slipping. Without thinking, it was as if your lips were drawn to his. You ever so slowly brushed your lips against his, and he responded immediately. Drawing you close, your lips moved gently against each other, tenderly. You had never been kissed like this before. It was as if he had said those three little words without uttering a sound, as his hand cradled your cheek in his palm.
Your hands reached out to hold tight to his lapels, shivering with want and emotion. It was as though you were under a spell, and your brain halted any over analyzing of the matter. And his lips. Frederick's lips were so soft, just the feel of them against yours send a tingle all the way down to your toes. You felt yourself actually swoon a bit into him, his strong arms holding you up and close to him.
The kiss ended when you both felt lightheaded, and you leaned back against your seat to catch your breath. Your eyes widened as you realized what had just happened. You had kissed him...and it felt amazing. But you could barely register as you began to panic. It had felt wonderful with your ex at first too. You had to get away, suddenly the inside of the car felt small, and you needed air. You couldn't risk getting hurt again. Or, worse still, hurting him. He was so kind and had been through so much. Those eyes...it broke your heart to see pain in them.
"I...um, Freddy-Fred-Frederick, " you stuttered as Frederick smiled shyly at you, clearly proud of the tongue tied state his kiss had left you in.
"That was nice.." Frederick whispered, reaching out to squeeze your hand.
"It...yes," you said, smiling. You gently patted his hand with your free one. It was true, you had enjoyed it, but you were still afraid.
"I ...really should get inside...it...it's late," you laughed nervously.
"Oh-of course," he said, smiling, though the joy in his brilliant green eyes seemed to fade a little. He was nervous too, it had been ages since he had felt this way. He was still terrified of screwing it up somehow.
"I...I can walk you to the door?" He asked, hesitant as he could tell you seemed a bit unsure, and he knew how anxiety could be. Always popping up when you least wanted or needed it to.
"Oh...um...that's so sweet Frederick, but it's okay, it's cold," you said, fearing if you didn't go right away you would do the wrong thing, or say the wrong thing. Perhaps it was best to end here, with a lovely kiss and him wanting more. You were just so damn nervous….and confused. A real thing, which seemed like it could be with Frederick, was exhilarating and terrifying simultaneously.
He hesitated, wanting to protest, but perhaps the kiss hadn't been as wonderful for you. It had been ages since he had been in the dating pool, so he wasn't sure.
As he worried, you had gotten out of the car far too fast for him to follow.
"Good night Frederick!" You whispered, waving and hurrying in the door. Just like that, you were gone.