General Disclaimer:
The use of material trademarked by Games Workshop and its subsidiaries in this work is not for the author's personal gain.
It is good to see you once more, my friend. I see you have emerged from your own travels unscathed. But then again, you are a master of Biomancy, so I would only know of your wounds from your stories, eh?
You wish to make the first presentation? Excellent, my friend. There are empty seats in that tea-shop across the street; let's entertain each other over a cup of sugared apple tea, shall we?
You're presenting an interview as your first story? I am all ears.
Story 1
(noises of air and bustling people)
Speaker (S): Eevents that I vink noteworvy? Well, there's this one thing. A month ago, my 'ead techie Jura told me some nut'ead called 'Albrec' was on a killing spree of cogboys and ee's 'eaded right onto my turv. I told 'im no shit, mee and de boys got iz back but ee innsisted on running to Deo's place, saying ee'll be back when Albrec passes.
You (Y): I suppose you can't agree to that.
S: Ov course. I pulled out that old wreck of a Chimera to get 'im! So me and my hitters were off to Deo's place when we saw a man-thing butchering a servitor. I azked 'im "Oi you, watcha doing?" and dat thing was going "'ERESY! FAR TI LOAD OFF PREASSURE! METAL IZ UNFEELING! DIE DIE DIE!" So I got my loudzpeaker to make 'im 'ear me over iz own noize. He turned around and stayed silent vor a phew moments. The man looks like he got himself cracked on bottomwater! Completely outta iz mind!
Y: Can you describe what he looks like?
S: Well...iz eyes, the colors arr both red, and the manz face...(plonk)
(screaming, chairs crashing, glass smashing)
Y: What in the name of the Golden Throne is this?
S: The 'ead of cogboy buster Albrec! Azz I was saying, viiiz is what bottomwater can do to the Emprah's work. Just look at 'im and iz smile, the manz gone, ee's totally nuts! 'Iya folks calm down 'ere, I'm being ingterviewed! Don'cha panic viz onez dead! Ol right, Peachy getta'round vor everyone in te bar, tabs on me!
(commotion dies down)
S: Veese mad ones sometimes put a laser in their eye or bomb film over zare 'eads. So even eef zare dead, they can still be dangerous. Zats wy everyone's being jumpy. Anyway, Albrec got tentykles where most cogboys 'ave their metal arms, so ee is more flec-sible dan them. 'Ee also 'as something like buggery meat armor zat lazguns can't burn through. And so when 'ee finally answered me, 'e was like "I'ma Albrec! I will PUUURRRGGGEEEEE de metal cults far ti Emprah! I 'ave zeen 'is pervection ov de 'uman vorm, and eez loyal zervants zuch as AAIII jal deleever iz gift to AAALLLL!"
Y: This Albrec is mad indeed.
S: (slurp) Yup. But guess whatz next?
Y: I suppose this is the part where he reveals his master plan.
LOAD OF PRESSURE? I mean WHAT? That, that was a good laugh. But please don't keep me waiting, for I am dying to know what plans have the madman made. Hey seriously, don't fall asleep at tea time!